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Mick Jagger’s Withered Penis Resurrected by a 23-Year-Old

By all accounts, Mick Jagger’s 73-year-old penis should be shooting out moths but somehow he’s still pulling 20-year-olds and presumably having sex with them. Fresh off impregnating 29-year-old ballerina, Melanie Hamrick, who gave birth to his eighth kid last December, Jagger has been dating 23-year-old Noor Alfallah for a month.

Alfallah is a UCLA grad school graduate who’s friends with a lot of celebrities including Brett Ratner, the alleged Natasha Henstridge rapist. She’s also someone who doesn’t mind fucking with a dick resembling The Mummy. Excuse me for being old fashioned, but if I was a woman, I wouldn’t want to have to chant ancient incantations at a dude’s penis just to get it to rise every time we had sex.

Fun fact: The ages of Mick Jagger’s children span four decades. So in case you’re wondering, yes, this guy’s dong is basically the Lewis and Clark of vaginas.

Need A Good Cry? Here Are Some Of The SADDEST Music Videos Of All Time!

Sam Smith may be happy in love IRL at the moment, but his songs still make us cry.

Especially I'm Not The Only One, and especially especially when we have the visual of Dianna Agron completely breaking down over her cheating husband.

Whoof, we're getting teary-eyed just thinking about it!

See more of the saddest videos of all time, courtesy of Britney Spears, Eminem, Christina Aguilera, Katy Perry, and more (below)!

CLICK HERE to view "The 15 Saddest Music Videos Of All Time!"

CLICK HERE to view "The 15 Saddest Music Videos Of All Time!"

CLICK HERE to view "The 15 Saddest Music Videos Of All Time!"

CLICK HERE to view "The 15 Saddest Music Videos Of All Time!"

CLICK HERE to view "The 15 Saddest Music Videos Of All Time!"

Kevin Spacey to Seek Evaluation and Treatment Following Sexual Misconduct Allegations

Kevin Spacey, 2017 Tony Awards, ArrivalsKevin Spacey is taking a break from acting. On Wednesday evening, fans learned that the actor is seeking help away from the public spotlight. "Kevin Spacey is taking the time...

Heidi Klum Wins Halloween Again, Caitlyn Jenner Dates 21-Year-Old Hot Girl and More

  • Heidi Klum wins Halloween again [Celebitchy]
  • Caitlyn Jenner dating a 21-year-old hot piece [Starcasm]
  • Meet swimsuit model Dessie Mitcheson [GCeleb]
  • O.J. Simpson hung out with fans, didn’t murder anyone [BustedCoverage]
  • Pamela Anderson nude in King Kong magazine (Site NSFW) [TheNipSlip]
  • Bella Thorne‘s new movie made $742 [IDLYITW]
  • Lena Gercke gonna make you jercke it [Celebslam]
  • Demented story of Peter Kurten the Vampire [CavemanCircus]
  • Hot girls in Halloween costumes [Radass]
  • Megan Fox has new lingerie photos [Linkiest]
  • Farrah Abraham fired for opening up her butthole [RealityTea]
  • Which celeb won best costume on social media? [MoeJackson]
  • Nude girl promotes nudity on Instagram [TheBlemish]

Meet Mette Towley: The Scene-Stealing Dancer in Rihanna and N.E.R.D.’s ”Lemon” Music Video

Mette TowleyIt takes a lot to steal the show when the only other players are Pharrell Williams and Rihanna, but that's just what Mette Towley did in N.E.R.D and Riri's new music video,...

The View’s Meghan McCain Is Engaged

Meghan McCainMeghan McCain is officially off the market! The View co-host is engaged to her longtime boyfriend, a source confirms to E! News. While fans have not met the lucky man or even...

Ralph Lauren Reveals U.S. Olympic Team’s Closing Ceremony Uniforms for 2018 Winter Games

Ralph Lauren, PyeongChang Olympics, Closing Ceremony OutfitsWe're three months away from the start of the 2018 Winter Olympic Games! And with only 100 days left until opening ceremonies take place in Pyeongchang, South Korea, we're getting...

Incarcerated Dodgers Fans Can Watch Game 7 From Jail!

Are you a Dodgers fan? Wanna watch Game 7 but you're locked up in jail?  Well, good news -- we're told inmates at L.A. County Jail WILL be able to watch the entire World Series game from their cells and TV rooms Wednesday night!!  We know…

People Are Infuriated With Donald Trump’s Response To The NYC Attacker Versus The Las Vegas Shooter

You never know how Donald Trump is going to respond to a tragedy -- but citizens are picking up on one variable that appears to predict if POTUS makes a call to action or a dismissive tweet.

Sadly, but not surprisingly, it comes down to country of origin.

The devastation during the month of October made that clear, as the President issued two completely different responses to the mass shooting in Las Vegas versus the pedestrian plow in New York City -- and the differentiation is tragically obvious.

Hours after an Uzbek man killed eight people by driving a rental truck into an NYC bike lane on Tuesday, Trump fired off multiple patriotic tweets -- noting he had ordered Homeland Security to step up his "already Extreme Vetting Program" to obliterate ISIS scum.

Related: Trump Jr. Fails At Illustrating Socialism With Daughter Halloween Candy

That response would be tolerable (and only vaguely Hitler-y) on its own, though Twitter users couldn't help but compare it to the response Trump issued following the Vegas attack -- the worst mass murder in U.S. history -- which could be described as a soggy roll of paper towels.

In the days following the mass shooting, which claimed the lives of 58 people, Trump continuously avoided talking about gun control measures. At first, he claimed his administration would "be talking about gun laws as time goes by," but then started distracting us by throwing paper towels at Puerto Ricans.

It was a long month, okay?

Let's look at Trump's responses to the tragedies side-by-side: when speaking about Stephen Paddock, the white Vegas shooter, Trump said "the wires were crossed pretty badly in his brain." Weeks later, the president referred to NYC attacker Sayfullo Habibullaevic Saipov as an "animal" who was "deranged."

Related: Dozens Arrested After Deadly Mob Attacks On Suspected 'Vampires'

Aside from the telling verbiage, Trump made it clear that action wasn't a priority based on the number of deaths, but whether or not the killings advanced his agenda. Seeing as the Halloween NYC attack did just that, the president was happy to look into the program Saipov came from -- so he could terminate it.

On Wednesday, he tweeted:

As for the man who fatally shot almost 60 people? He had some bad wires crossed. And access to unlimited assault rifles. What else is there to say? Smh…

Needless to say, Twitics were flipping over Trump's fire and fury-esque response to the Halloween attack. See some strong reactions (below):

Thoughts??

Selena Gomez and Justin Bieber Ride Bikes, Likely Each Other

Even though Selena Gomez didn't ditch The Weeknd for Justin Bieber, the fact that they're suddenly reconnecting like this just after a breakup doesn't seem like a coincidence.

Now, it's clear that they're doing more than just talking.

They're going on bike rides -- just the two of them.

Jelena Twit Pic

Yes, Selena Gomez and Justin Bieber are rekindling things.

Maybe their friendship, maybe something ... worse. Or better, if you're a big Jelena shipper.

See, Selena and Justin were estranged for a while.

Justin Bieber's behavior was, for years, alarming.

He'd get frighteningly angry over having his picture taken. He kept getting into legal trouble over things like racing, speeding, and vandalism. The Biebs even got a DUI back in 2014.

Some would say that maybe there's just something wrong with him. Others would say that he didn't get a chance to grow up normally, and that it left him emotionally stunted.

Armchair psychology aside, something wasn't right.

Jelena Photo

In fact, Justin's long-time manager Scooter Braun says as much. He's spoken about what bad shape Justin was in, to the point where -- just a couple of years ago -- the Biebs could have died.

Which, you know, sounds like a serious substance abuse issue. That, the DUI, and some of Selena's song lyrics strongly suggest that Justin Bieber was out of control and spiraling hard.

In "Sober," Selena sang:

"You don't know how to love me when you're sober/When the bottle's done you pull me closer/You're saying all the things that you're supposed to"

It was a song that many fans interpreted as being about her relationship with Justin Bieber ... and Justin's relationship with alcohol.

Still, their period of estrangement didn't begin until Selena Gomez defended Justin Bieber's fans after the Biebs faced backlash for making his relationship with Sofia Richie as public as it was.

(Yeah, remember that? That takes you back. Clearly, Kourtney Kardashian and Sofia Richie have similar taste)

Anyway, it was clear at that moment that Justin was lashing out at the ones who loved him most, so Selena took a break from him.

Not long after, we learned that Selena Gomez has Lupus, and she's been fighting that battle instead of dealing with Justin's nonsense.

Jelena Selfie

So what's changed?

Well, Selena Gomez got a kidney transplant and she and The Weeknd split.

Selena and The Weeknd had grown apart because of conflicting schedules, though apparently The Weeknd felt that the passion went out of their relationship over the summer ... you know, when Selena underwent the transplant.

Justin Bieber reached out to Selena through her mother so that the two of them could reconnect.

And, well, it looks like he's hoping that his infamous Bieber penis might reconnect with her, too.

Given that the two of them are enjoying bike rides, it may be that Justin Bieber and his newly aggressive fondness for Jesus have convinced Selena that he's a changed man.

And he's made it clear before that he misses her.

Jelena Throwback Photo

Some people don't carea bout Jelena. Some people want them to get back together, bless their shipper hearts.

And, for some people who resent Justin Bieber for wasting some of the best years of Selena's life as she spent them as his long-suffering girlfriend when her own careers in music and acting could have been her focus, them reconnecting is the sum of all fears.

Selena can do whatever she likes, though. Even if "what she likes" happens to be riding Justin Bieber into the sunset.

But, like we said, People reports that the two have been spotted riding bicycles together. That can be super romantic, if you like riding on structurally unstable accident-prone vehicles that don't belong on sidewalks or roads and yet get ridden on both.

That doesn't mean that they're getting romantic. Not yet.

Though ... when they do, what will Selena think of Justin Bieber's ugly and innumerable tattoos?

I Would Kill A Man To Be Selena Gomez's Bicycle Seat

Selena Gomez just can't seem to get off her bicycle, and luckily, that's right where we want her. The sassy starlet has a new take on life now that she's up and running...

Teen Mom OG Season 7: Everything We Know (and Don’t Know) So Far

A new season of Teen Mom: OG is finally upon us.

With more than 100 episodes under its belt, you would think the show would be starting to run out of steam, but somehow the drama just keeps getting more intense.

MTV released a new trailer for the wildly popular series earlier this week, and there's a whole lot to unpack here.

In fact, this could be the show's most explosive season to date, so join us as we break down all the new footage in order to figure out what's in store.

And as always, whether you want to get caught up of just relive your favorite moments, you can watch Teen Mom: OG online anytime at TV Fanatic.

1. The Moms Are All Back...For Now

The moms are all backfor now
Earlier this week, Farrah Abraham revealed that she's been fired by MTV's parent company, Viacom. So enjoy the mom everyone loves to hate while you can!

2. Amber Portwood: Stronger Than Ever

Amber portwood stronger than ever
"I promise I'm stronger than I look," Amber says in the preview. She looks plenty strong to us!

3. Farrah and Sophia: West Coast Bound!

Farrah and sophia west coast bound
"It is official, we're moving to LA," Farrah tells her daughter in the trailer. Brace yourself, City of Angels!

4. Ryan Edwards: Hard Times

Ryan edwards hard times
Last time we saw Ryan Edwards, he was nodding off behind the wheel while driving to his own wedding. Hopefully he's doing better these days.

5. Maci's Ultimatum

Macis ultimatum
Maci has strict rules Ryan will need to follow if he wants to continue to be in his son's life. "You have to pass a drug test, and we are going to be there," she tells him.

6. Catelynn Lowell: Better Days Ahead

Catelynn lowell better days ahead
Last season, Catelynn checked herself into rehab to be treated for emotional distress. These days, she appears to be doing much better.
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Model Lais Ribeiro Wears Victoria's Secret Fantasy Bra

What are your fantasies? Do they involve an ornately carved two million dollar gold leaf and topaz bra?

Nude Woman Goes Nude on Instagram to Tout Joys of Nudity

Are you afraid of nudity? Well, that’s just kind of weird. You were nude when you were born and everyone says that’s the best day of their life. So, get over your nudity phobia and follow @a.naked.girl on Instagram.

As you may have noticed by the username, @a.naked.girl is A Naked Girl. She’s a 21-year-old Dutch girl who just decided that she’s going to travel the world, shed her clothes, and take pictures. And God bless her.

She told The Daily Mail that she’s traveling the world and getting nude in order to make people more comfortable with nudity. “It is really a shame that not everyone can see the pleasure of being naked in a non-sexual way,” she said. I 100 percent agree with this naked girl. In fact, I’m getting nude right now. I hope everyone else in this coffee shop is cool with that.

She’s not doing anything different than a lot of Instagram users are doing. Who can forget the naked yoga movement? Or the nude thrill seeker? Or all of Australia just getting naked?

If you want attention on Instagram, just get naked.

J. Lo on Chris Brown's Radar and Other Fine Things to Ogle

The hottest Halloween costumes, naked nuns, and more!

Demi Lovato Flashes Booty In Sexy Cop Costume

Demi Lovato is definitely the new booty queen in town, and all those hesitating to defect from former contenders such as Jennifer Lopez and Kim Kardashian need only look at…

Gigi Hadid and Zayn Malik, Tom Brady and Gisele Bundchen and More Picture Perfect Celebrity Couples on Halloween

Tom Brady, Gisele Bundchen, Halloween 2017 Halloween isn't just for kids -- and these celebrity couples are proof of that. Several Hollywood sweethearts got into the Halloween spirit this year and dressed up for the...

Where’s My Show? World Series Game 7 Bumps Law & Order: SVU, Criminal Minds and More

Law and Order: SVU, Law & Order: SVUOlivia Benson has been benched--just for the night--thanks to Game 7 of the World Series. Law & Order: SVU and Chicago PD won't run the previously scheduled new episodes on...

MTV Floribama Shore First Look: Wiccans, Plungers and a Jesus Candle, Oh My!

Floribama ShoreSay hello to the next Shore thing! MTV viewers, we're not in Jersey anymore! MTV announced earlier this week that it is bringing back the Shore franchise with MTV Floribama Shore....

Watch Keeping Up With the Kardashians Superfan Millie Bobby Brown Do Spot-On “Bible” & “Okurrr” Impressions

Millie Bobby Brown, 2017 SAG Awards, ArrivalsMillie Bobby Brown is a Keeping Up With the Kardashians superfan, okurrr?! During an appearance on The Tonight Show last night, the Stranger Things star revealed which binge-worthy TV...

"Power Rangers" Becky G Likes Skintight Leather This Halloween

These pics are hitting on so many of my fetishes that I am at risk of overheating. Leather? Check. High heels? Check. Buckles? Check. 

Shantel Jackson and Nelly Talk About Making a Baby: ”I Feel Like I’m 15 Looking for the Porno Mags!”

Shantel Jackson, The Platinum Life 104Someone's ready to make a baby! It's no secret that Shantel Jackson and Nelly are ready to take the next step in their relationship. While Nelly is ready to start a family by any...

Mila Kunis Little Black Number for Bad Moms Sequel

Mila Kunis makes a rare appearance all decked out in public. The more often mommy homegrown hottie these days, Mila doesn't get out to public events or the need to flash...

Watch Kim Kardashian Devour Pizza & Ice Cream While Enjoying ”Last Supper” Before Health Kick: ”I Just Want a Good Body”

Kim Kardashian, KUWTK 1406A girl's got her cravings! Kim Kardashian is ready for a serious health kick on Sunday's Keeping Up With the Kardashians. But before she commits to a super strict diet and...

Crystal Smith Panics Over Screwing Up a Potential Job Opportunity: “I Want Her to Like Me!”

Crystal Smith, The Platinum Life 104The clock is ticking! Crystal Smith is an up-and-coming food whiz. On this week's episode of The Platinum Life, she's trying to make her culinary dreams come true but she's...

The Flash Season 4 Episode 4 Recap: Who Joined Team Flash?

Barry Allen has been trying to get the team back to its former glory, and he may have accomplished that goal on The Flash Season 4 Episode 4

When the episode got underway, Cisco and Gypsy were enjoying a date, but things took an exciting turn when a man appeared and started attacking Cisco.

It was then revealed that he is Gypsy's father, Breacher. 

Harry was not impressed because he felt like they did not know much about this new person to decide for him, and he was right. He also gave Cisco a pep talk when he revealed he was terrified of Breacher. 

Breacher was not really impressed with Cisco and said he would hunt him like he did all of Gypsy's boyfriends. Yes, the dude takes his parental role a little too seriously. 

In the end, the two men went to war, but Cisco stood up for himself, and that earned him a little respect with the father. 

The Flash is in Trouble!

Meanwhile, Barry and Joe continued their search to find the metahumans from the bus. They went after someone named Ralph Dibny, a cop who was kicked off the force for some less than savory actions. 

When they caught up with him, he claimed he was not on the bus, and that they were mistaken. The power he was gifted with was elasticity. 

Caitlin wanted to find a way to fix the man, but she realized it was not going to be an easy task because something as simple as sneezing made his face stretch out. 

Danielle Panabaker for The CW

For Caitlin, it was a personal mission because she claimed that the man could change. She was living proof of that and said that everyone is too quick to judge. 

Barry wanted to label all the metas as villains, but Caitlin was against this thought process from the scarlet speedster. The reason Barry hated the cop was that when he was junior CSI, the man was found to be planting fake evidence. 

Barry and Iris found a bomb in the man's apartment and had to make a mad dash to safety. 

The duo questioned who hated him enough to try and blow him up. Barry chatted with the mayor and learned that Ralph was blackmailing him with photos because he had an affair. 

Carlos Valdes for The CW

When Barry confronted Ralph, the supposed criminal revealed that case he tampered with got the right outcome because the man was terrible. 

Things changed when the mayor sent his men to murder Barry and Joe, and they realized Ralph was the next in line to be killed. Cisco stays at the lab with Ralph, but Breacher showed up to try and kill him. 

The mayor then sent Joe on a helicopter ride above the town and attempted to kill him, but Barry saved him thanks to Ralph. That was enough for Barry to realize he could be good and offered him a place on the team. 

The Flash Finale Photo

What did you think of all the twists?

Sound off below!