We give up! We give in!
It can now be deemed official: We've heard absolutely everything.
Just when we thought that it was impossible to be shocked by anything at this point, considering all the utterly insane nonsense we read on a daily basis as celebrity news purveyors, the following story comes to our attention:
Tyga was once married to Jordan Craig.
Allow us to elucidate why this revelation is perhaps more stunning than Kim Kardashian naming a child Psalm.
In 2011, Tyga started dating Blac Chyna. The stars welcomed their first child, son King Cairo, in October of 2012, prior to splitting in 2014.
The following year, Tyga started dating Kylie Jenner.
These two broke in 2017 and Jenner went on to date Travis Scott, with whom she had a daughter, Stormi Webster, in February 2018.
Following along? Okay, good...
In 2016, meanwhile, Black Chyna started dating Kylie's brother, Rob Kardashian.
They got engaged after just a few months as a couple and welcomed a daughter, Dream Kardashian, in November of 2016.
Months later, the two called it quits.
So that completes the Tyga branch of this effed up and confusing family dating and baby tree.
On a literally related note, back in 2014, Tristan Thompson got together with Craig.
The basketball player broke up with his model girlfriend toward the end of 2016 -- when she was pregnant with their son and because he had started dating Khloe Kardashian.
Craig, pictured above, gave birth to a boy named Prince in December of 2016.
Khloe then gave birth to Tristan's second child, a daughter named True, in April of 2018.
About a year later, Khloe dumped Thompson after he was caught cheating on her one too many times.
Still following along? Don't worry, there won't be a test.
These relationships all seemed incestuous enough... and that was before TMZ obtained legal documents that prove Tyga married Craig on September 6, 2010.
The rapper filed for divorce exactly one month later and the split was finalized in 2011.
Jordan, even added Tyga's real last name (Stevenson) to her own after the marriage and dropped it after it ended.
Did we also mention that, in recent weeks, Tyga began liking Jordan's Instagram photos?
We didn't see this former marriage coming, but we did report a couple days ago that Thompson and Tyga seemed to actually be fighting over Craig.
"Tristan is furious after he was told by a friend that Tyga was creeping on Jordan’s social media," an insider close to the situation told Hollywood Life this past week.
But now said creeping makes a lot more sense.
And what's even crazier is that Thompson apparently has no right to be upset -- because Tyga had Craig first!
Who would have guessed?
This is sheer madness, people.
James Charles Addresses “Misinformation” in New Video as Tati Westbrook Says She’s Taking Time “To Heal”James Charles is not going down without a fight. The YouTube star posted a new video on Saturday just about two weeks after his very public feud with beauty vlogger Tati Westbrook went...
Jenelle Evans isn't doing so hot right now.
Like, she's actually doing so bad that Farrah Abraham feels the need to step in and give her advice.
Can you imagine your life being in such shambles that someone like Farrah feels confident criticizing it?
But if anyone could manage getting herself into such a sorry situation, it's Jenelle.
As you've probably heard, Jenelle has been in court this week, trying to get back custody of her children after CPS removed them from her home.
This all started a few weeks ago when her husband, David Eason, beat and killed her French bulldog puppy, Nugget, in front of the kids after the dog nipped at Ensley.
Obviously Jenelle didn't think this was too big a deal, because she was set on working things out with him just days after it happened, but her local sheriff's department disagreed.
After the police, along with animal control, opened a joint investigation on David, a detective contacted CPS to advise the removal of Jenelle and David's kids.
Kaiser was picked up last week at school by Nathan Griffith, and Barbara was told to keep Jace at her home -- not a big deal, since she has full custody of him anyway.
CPS tried to remove Ensley and Maryssa, David's oldest child and full-time resident of Jenelle's swamp, but instead Jenelle and David preemptively took the girls to stay with his mother.
And that's how the Easons came to be staying in the swamp with no children, with only each other and their poor, defenseless animals for company.
They weren't content with that, and so they decided to go to court to try to get their kids back immediately.
It did not work.
Multiple sources say that Kaiser, Ensley, and Maryssa will stay with their temporary guardians for the foreseeable future, and some even speculate that this mess could take several months to work through.
It's a really, really big deal.
And even though Jenelle was allegedly informed that she could get her kids back ASAP if she left David, since he's the only one being investigated, she's not willing to do that.
It also seems like she could get her Teen Mom gig back if David was no longer in the picture, but again, she's not willing to do that.
As she once said, she plans on staying with David until the day they die.
How depressing is that?
Don't worry though -- Farrah is here to help!
Our darling Farrah gave a statement to Hollywood Life about everything that's been going on with Jenelle, and she's got some words of advice for her.
"When CPS is already on watch and been involved in the past it is not a surprise with violence on the property that the child can not return to the property," she said.
"As a mother these are all signs to separate and get to a healthier and happier place, if it's not safe for her kids then make a change."
And there you have it.
Look, is Farrah's statement the most elegantly worded thing we've ever heard?
Of course not.
But is she right?
As much as it pains us to say it, yeah, she is.
"If it's not safe for her kids then make a change," Farrah said, and that's really what this all boils down to, isn't it?
Unfortunately, it still looks like Jenelle is completely unwilling to make that change, even for her children's sake.
What kind of world do we live in where Farrah Abraham is looking like a decent mother?
Well, that didn't take very long.
Just a matter of days, in fact.
After initially offering up some nice words to Meghan Markle after the Duchess of Sussex welcomed her first child on May 6, Samantha Markle has returned to accusing her half-sister of being selfish and insensitive.
In an interview with Mirror, Samantha pleaded with Meghan to let their dad, Thomas Markle, actually see his grandson at some point in the near future.
“It’s sad. He should have been involved. Being excluded is like a dagger through his heart,” Samantha said of her father’s lack of inclusion in the pregnancy and the birth, adding to the British publication:
“Poor Master Archie is not getting to know a creative, loving person.”
This has been a running, irritating theme from Samantha for several months now.
She has taken every opportunity possible to lash out at Meghan, alleging that the Duchess has basically been a mean jerk for cutting their farher out of her life.
(Samantha is 17 years older than Meghan and the two scarcely have ever had any kind of relationship at all.)
Of course, Royal Family Followers know things are far more complicated than this.
Thomas Markle got himself embroiled in a paparazzi scandal last spring after agreeing to let photographers snap pictures of him in exchange for money.
He then skipped the Royal Wedding, citing health issues along with embarrassment over this controvery.
Thomas has also lived a reclusive life in Mexico for years; not on bad terms with his newly-famous daughter, but not especially close to her, either.
Ever since Meghan became a global icon, however, both Thomas and especially Samantha suddenly want a relationship with the Duchess.
We wonder why!
“We always have been desperate to heal the rift, but it’s up to Meghan to reach out now,” Samantha says in this new interview. “Life is short and precious so I hope having the baby will soften her feelings and she will do the right thing.”
Meghan has actually been impressive in taking the high road, considering some of the truly heinous things Samantha has said about her.
Samantha, though, doesn't see it that way.
She says it was a "sad moment" for her dad when Markle and Prince Harry debuted their son, Archie, two days after he was born.
She also says it's been wrong of Meghan's mother not to push for Archie to meet his grandfather -- and adds that this will all be the poor young boy's loss in the end if things don't change.
“He is a doting granddad and he’s been great with all his other grandkids. He buys toys, plays creative games, he’s funny and nurturing and communicative with them.”
For his part, Thomas at least said the right things shortly after Archie came into the world.
"I’m delighted to hear that mother and child are doing well," he told The Mirror, adding: "I am sure that he will grow up to serve the crown and the people of Britain...
"My congratulations to my lovely daughter Duchess Meghan and Prince Harry."
He sort of sounds over his issues with Meghan, but Samantha refuses to let them go.
Not as long as they keep her name in the news.
“He needs to get a wider sense of family – because he isn’t just a Mountbatten-Windsor child, he’s a Markle too,” she concluded here.
“There’s a connection and we exist.”