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Current Mood: Missing Jon Stewart

The world’s on fire.

We all agree on that, right? Between the election, the pandemic, the racial problem, the Supreme Court battle, and the looming economic crisis, things are just on fire out here nowadays.

2020 has been one consistent hellfire of a year, from murder hornets and the weak music releases to the death of Black Panther himself, Chadwick Boseman.

We’re all going to need a heavy drink when all of this is over (some of us have already gotten a head start, beginning our burgeoning alcoholism in early March) – but that doesn’t mean historically it’s the worst year we’ve ever had.

The 2008 crisis, the 2013 government shutdown. 9/11. The Ebola crisis in 2014, or any number of the hurricanes that have wrecked our shores. We’ve been through horrid years before. The difference was, it was easier to laugh because we had truly great comedians, absurdist voices to bring us through the dark until we found the light. Most notably? Jon Stewart.

The Daily Show with Jon Stewart (1999-2015) was the predominant political comedy show of the modern era. For sixteen long years, its host was a comforting sight, a consistently hilarious satirist who would digest the day’s news for us. Four nights a week, he tore apart biased news organizations and dissected politicians’ lies, until we felt like the world was fair again.

Not to imply that today we don’t have decent late-night talk shows still airing throughout all the misery. Yes, Jimmy Fallon over at The Tonight Show is a joke and Seth Meyers remains the host with the creepiest eyes ever (though his comic book love is pretty cool), but there are a few strong hosts, many of them students of Jon Stewart themselves.

Take John Oliver, host of Last Week Tonight over on HBO, as an example. He’s a Stewart disciple, who landed his own show gig after guest-hosting The Daily Show in Stewart’s absence for six weeks during the summer of 2013. There’s Samantha Bee, host of Full Frontal, as well as Stephen Colbert, who isn’t nearly as funny on The Late Show as he was on The Colbert Report but is still good for a laugh.

None of this to even mention The Daily Show’s current host, South African comedian Trevor Noah, who has ushered the long-running program into a new, younger, fresher era since the fall of 2015.

That being said, these great comedians’ talents aside, none of them are Jon Stewart. None of them bring the same laughs, nor the same political edge and analysis. In the case of Trevor Noah specifically, none of them could hope to fill Stewart’s ever-large comedic shoes.

It’s quite simple: you can throw as many Adam Driver jokes or Trump tweets in your segment as you want, it’s simply not the same as the original comedian, who would flame the GOP, Arby’s, and himself all in one bit.

But was Jon Stewart the greatest to ever do it in political comedy due to luck, just arriving at the right time (at the turn of the century) in order to garner critical and commercial success?

More likely is that he brought exactly what America needed, right when it needed it. He saw just how outdated and out-of-touch our traditional media was in receiving the 24/7 news cycle being propagated by CNN, FOX News, and MSNBC. So, he created a new style of show.

Taking over from the less political Craig Kilburn in the late 1990s, Stewart revamped The Daily Show into a cutting, satirical political comedy show that incinerated fraudsters and poor policies. It covered the 2000 presidential election with scorn and derision, one matching many Americans’.

Then came 9/11, where an emotional Stewart’s impassioned monologue completely summed up the feelings of many New Yorkers in the aftermath. This is where Stewart went from being a funny fresh liberal voice to the voice of the modern American generation, at once funny and heartfelt.

It was followed by the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan, as well as the 2004 and 2008 presidential elections, demonstrating Jon Stewart’s versatility in tackling issues of foreign policy, domestic policy, environment, healthcare, immigration, and more.

Over these next few years, he became one of television’s biggest hits, as evidenced by his 24 Peabody Award wins. Along with Chappelle’s Show, he ushered in a golden age for Comedy Central, and somewhere along the process became an ingrained part of the culture he so frequently lambasted.

Polls regularly showed him as being considered more trustworthy by most viewers than CNN, while his constant political takedowns of policymakers made him a favorite among the disenfranchised politically-minded youth.

The show’s war on the disinformation coming out of FOX News only helped, as Stewart and his writers spent years taking on every lie from America’s #1-rated news network.

He was like the Avatar, maintaining balance in this screwed-up world we all live in. And just like the Avatar, when the world needed him most…he vanished.

Stewart retired in August 2015, citing a desire to spend more time with family, and was promptly replaced by Trevor Noah that fall.

And yet, at the end of the day, when I see how absurd everything seems nowadays – I mean, seriously…murder hornets? – I tend to always think the same thing: I miss Jon Stewart.

I miss his voice, his reasoned takes, his ridiculous accent showcasing his New York Jewish roots. I especially miss his ability to take the unfunny and make it palatable.

Having The Daily Show with Jon Stewart back on wouldn’t change the situation or anything; as he himself once said, “We couldn’t stop the Iraq War, we tried. I couldn’t even get Jim Kramer off the air.” But without a doubt, it’d provide a much-needed laugh, a critical analysis that’s been sorely missing.

Perhaps most importantly, Stewart’s reasoned voice and empathetic sense of humor, much like it did after 9/11 and during the Great Recession, would remind us all that we’re not crazy, and we’re not alone.

#JonStewart #TheDailyShow #LateNightTV

The post Current Mood: Missing Jon Stewart appeared first on The Blemish.

Lily James Running Away From ‘Today’ After Snogging Married Co-Star

In 1995, Hugh Grant got arrested for getting a blowjob from a hooker. He was scheduled to appear on The Tonight Show with Jay Leno about two weeks later to promote a movie called Nine Months. Much to everyone’s surprise, Grant actually showed up for the interview in which Leno famously opened with “What the hell were you thinking?” The result of the interview was that Grant’s career didn’t suffer any kind of backlash from the incident and Leno overtook Letterman in the late-night ratings war.

Lily James is not Hugh Grant. You might have guessed that if you’d ever seen her acting, but I’m actually talking about her canceling an appearance on Today after getting caught with Dominic West’s married tongue in her mouth.

Fun fact, Lily James and Dominick West are currently filming a BBC miniseries based on the book The Pursuit of Love, and Page Six says he’s playing her father. Good for him. His wife even did the “Everything is fine, we’re stronger than ever, I’m definitely not putting ground glass in this prick’s meatloaf” thing Hillary Clinton did for Bill.

That Hugh Grant thing was 25 years and he went on to be in Love, Actually, a film my partner and I watch every single Christmas. Lily James should take her lumps and go and promote her Netflix series. The story isn’t as big as Hugh Grant being with a hooker and Today is one of the most softball shows out there, they’d probably just avoid the whole situation if James didn’t want to talk about it. She wasn’t even going on alone, her Rebecca costar Armie Hammer was going on with her. Running away from this is only going to make things worse and I don’t think Lily James is going to successfully rebrand herself as a lesbian like Kristen Stewart for a comeback.

The post Lily James Running Away From ‘Today’ After Snogging Married Co-Star appeared first on The Blemish.

Cardi B Deleted Her Twitter Because You’re Terrible, You’re All Terrible

I’m currently suspended from Twitter for inciting violence against Margaret Thatcher, a woman who has been deal for almost a century, by saying we should cut off her head and drive a stake through her heart to make sure she never comes back. It’s Halloween soon and you anything could happen, it’s just good to take precautions. Thatcher is kind of like my archenemy, I was previously suspended from a different social media site for saying “She’s snatching milk from babies in hell now” when she died. The point is that I’ve missed all kinds of awesome social media drama during my suspension, though I got a lot more work done so it’s kind of a mixed bag.

One of the things I missed by not being on Twitter is all the drama around Cardi B reuniting with Offset after filing for divorce. I heard her reasoning and honestly, I get it. She got on Instagram Live and told her fans “It’s hard not to talk to your best friend. It’s really hard not to talk to your best friend. And it’s really hard to have no dick.” I’m guessing she means she only makes 66 cents for every dollar a male rapper makes with songs about his pussy.

Apparently, this was some Grade A Twitter drama since Cardi deleted her Twitter because of it. She explained why on Instagram again, via E!

“A whole bunch of 15-year-olds telling me how to live my life like I’m mother f–king Ariana Grande or something. Like I came from Disney or something,” she said in her now-expired video, which has since been captured and shared online.

“I’m so tired of people saying I’ve got to continuously explain myself. I didn’t put my divorce out there, a f–king court clerk put it out there,” she continued, adding, “And because people are making rumors up, ‘Oh, this guy has a girl pregnant,’ I have to address it.”

Yeah, divorce filings are pretty public, you can’t just hide those.

Look, I just want Cardi to B happy. Offset clearly makes her happy, even if they have rough patches, so let them be happy. And if she ever stops being happy with him, she can call me.

The post Cardi B Deleted Her Twitter Because You’re Terrible, You’re All Terrible appeared first on The Blemish.

‘Home Improvement’ Child Actor Arrested For Domestic Abuse After Strangling Girlfriend

I don’t think Tim Allen has been a very good fictional dad. For starters, two of his three daughters on Last Man Standing have been replaced by entirely different people and he didn’t even notice because he was too busy talking about cars and liberals with Jay Leno.

His fictional son Brad Taylor from his previous sitcom Home Improvement, however, has taken the Dana Plato Prize for screwed-up former child actors.

Zachary Ty Bryan, who played Brad, the older, dumber brother who didn’t have the weird cancer scare episode has been arrested for allegedly strangling his girlfriend.

From TMZ:

Look, I know it’s funny when Homer Simpson chokes Bart but it is never okay to strangle a woman unless she asks you to. Even then, it’s kind of weird and you’re definitely not going to do it right and it’s going to get weird pretty fast, you should probably just pass.

Bryan was charged with strangulation, fourth-degree assault and interfering with making a report and booked into jail.

Zachary, or Brad as we like to call him because that IMDB page is looking real sparse. If he hadn’t been on Home Improvement this article would have been called Kirstie Alley Claims She’s Being Harassed By Other Celebrities For Supporting Trump because like hell is anyone doing a story about a guest star on Veronica Mars doing anything. But Zachary has had previous violent incidents.

Back in 2008, he was tased at a hotel where staff said “Zach went nuts on the staff, a lot of alcohol was involved, and tasering the dude was the only safe bet.” That’s the only other story we’ve done about him in case you were wondering how his career was going. I was shocked that I didn’t have to make a tag for him writing this story.

Maybe, if he’s really lucky, he’ll get sent to Tim Allen’s old prison. He is a legacy admission.

The post ‘Home Improvement’ Child Actor Arrested For Domestic Abuse After Strangling Girlfriend appeared first on The Blemish.

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Kailyn Lowry: I Had to Get a Paternity Test for My Baby!

Does anyone else get exhausted just from hearing about all the drama between Kailyn Lowry and Chris Lopez?

It's just way. Too. Much.

And it never, ever stops.

Back in July, they welcomed their second child together, a boy named Creed, and while it seemed like things were getting better for them for a moment, it didn't last.

They're back at each other's throats, and now it's looking like there's some doubt that Creed is even Chris' child.

Yep, if things weren't messy enough, now we've got a paternity test in the mix!

1. A Little History

Kailyn lowry and four kids
Let's zoom through the backstory real quick, just so we can get a good look at the whole picture here, OK?

2. Ah, Memories

Kail ponders
Kailyn met Chris when they were both students at Delaware State University. She was married to Javi at the time, but they still struck up a friendship, and she has since admitted that she did cheat on Javi with Chris.

3. Romance

Chris lopez burns kailyns book
But even though they were sleeping together, it's not like there was ever any kind of solid, healthy relationship -- she's said that Chris has had a girlfriend for a lot, if not all, of the time she's been messing with him.

4. Cool Move

Kailyn talks to her mom
Kail and Javi filed for divorce at the end of 2016, shortly after that he was deployed, and while he was away, Chris started coming around more. The divorce was finalized in the fall of 2017, and right around that time she got pregnant with Lux. So that was interesting.

5. Not a Great Sign

Kailyn lowry and baby lux at the beach
Throughout the pregnancy, he refused to come to doctor's appointments or show any interest at all in the baby, and after Kailyn gave birth, she claimed that he turned violent -- she's accused him of breaking a window in her bedroom as well as breaking into her home when her kids were there.

6. Stuck in a Cycle

Kailyn lowry naked in bed
But even after all that, she still hooked up with him from time to time, and right around a year ago, she got pregnant again.
View Slideshow

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Meghan Markle and Prince Harry are no longer members of the Royal Family.

But that doesn't mean they can't still pose for official portraits.

And it apparently doesn't mean they also can't still get all blinged out for these portraits.

Meghan Markle and Prince Harry: A Portrait

The polarizing couple are featured this week in their first formal photos since breaking free from Harry's controlling loved ones, cozying up to each other for a black-and-white images that was captured by photographer Matt Sayles.

He shot the couple at their home in Montecito, California, ahead of their appearance for a special edition of Time100 Talk.

As you can see above, Markle is laughing pretty hard in a candid moment, while sitting in a chair.

Harry, meanwhile, is sitting on the same chair’s arm, smirking broadly into the camera.

Meghan Markle and Prince Harry on a Bench

The picture is garnering attention because it represents yet another step away from the Royals for the husband and wife -- but also because Markle is seriously blinged out in it!

On the former actress' wrist? A $6,500 Cartier “love” bracelet and a $23,000 Cartier watch that Harry’s late mother, Princess Diana, once owned.

On her hand? The $350,000 diamond engagement ring gifted to her by Harry years ago.

This is all set against a $2,800 Alexander McQueen suit, the same one that Meghan wore to her first evening function as a Royal.

Altogether, Markle is wearing items that total more than $382,000.

Meghan Markle in a Car

The very famous couple announced their intentions to step back as senior Royals in January... before they completed their duties once and for all in March.

The duo then moved with their 17-month-old son, Archie, to California, where they purchased a $14.65 million home in Santa Barbara in June.

Over the past few weeks, Harry and Meghan have stepped back into the spotlight via a number of features and interviews.

Markle, for example, opened up about a difficult period in her royal life -- when she was pregnant with Archie -- during a recent appearance on the “Teenager Therapy” podcast

Meghan Markle on AGT

The former Suits star said she was told she was “the most trolled person in the entire world, male or female” in 2019.

She noted it was especially difficult dealing with the scrutiny while pregnant for the first time.

“Now, eight months of that I wasn’t even visible -- I was on maternity leave or with a baby,” she said. “But what was able to just be manufactured and churned out, it’s almost unsurvivable.”

Elsewhere, Markle and Harry encouraged Americans to vote ... and got accused of interfering in the Presidential Election.

Meghan Markle Is 39!

During an on a television special honoring Time magazine's annual list of the 100 most influential people, Markle said 2020 represents "the most important election of our lifetime," while Harry added:

"When the bad outweighs the good, for many, whether we realize it or not, it erodes our ability to have compassion and our ability to put ourselves in someone else's shoes.

"Because when one person buys into negativity online, the effects are felt exponentially. It's time to not only reflect but act

"As we approach this November, it's vital that we reject hate speech, misinformation and online negativity.'

Meg and Harry Exit

For these words alone, President Donald Trump called out Markle.

Because of course he did.

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