Kelly Ripa Smolders In White Hot Bikini Candids
If you only ever see Kelly Ripa under the hot lights of her daytime talk show, you might forget that she’s got a smoking hot fit body underneath those flowing kimonos or whatever the hell else she’s wearing on that show. Kelly’s keeping her body in business well into middle age, and you’ve got to respect any woman who can dedicate herself to looking this good long past her prime.
I’d chalk that up to her being a Jersey girl. Jersey girls are just made differently, I don’t know what it is, but they’ve got that “never say never” attitude that makes them so endearing. You’ve got to fight to get your voice heard in a Jersey household, so it clearly gave her the confidence to go out there and conquer daytime television.
So the next time you’re home sick and you come across Kelly’s talk show, come on back to this gallery and get a reminder of how hot she is when she’s not posing in expensive clothes next to certified boner-killer Ryan Seacrest. Honestly, if you’re pushing fifty and still keeping your body in thong-bikini shape, you deserve a standing ovation. Here’s to you, Kelly Ripa, for making it work and keeping it working for all these years. Jersey strong!
Photo Credit: Backgrid USA
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Anna Heinrich’s Gorgeous Bikini Body Candids
Anna Heinrich is the best booty to wash ashore since Blackbeard’s pirate plunder. She’s arguably more valuable too. I wouldn’t want to bury something so beautiful in the sand. I’d just show her off like the gold coin she is. I hope she wouldn’t mind me sticking my shovel in her pail. Because I want to build this sand queen a sand castle. She deserves something elaborate in her honor. I’m thinking, at the minimum, a four story castle. Maybe a balcony for a view of the ocean. And if she doesn’t want a castle, I’ll just build myself one with a view of her.
Anna may be the best looking woman in a black bikini that I’ve ever seen. And I’ve only seen one woman in a black bikini. And it’s her. So she wins best looking by default. But Heinrich is going to be hard to beat if anyone else decides to wear one. I’m not discouraging any woman from wearing one as I wouldn’t mind getting a good gander at both ladies for comparison purposes. I’m just saying she’s going to be harder to outdo than the ’98 Yankees.
Photo Credit: MEGA / Backgrid USA
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Blanca Blanco Beautiful Butt In Teeny Weeny New Yellow Bikini
I knew it was possible to split your pants by stretching too far, but I was not aware that a woman could split her top in the same way. Blanca Blanco must have been doing some aggressive stretching in order to make her top tear like that. I’m not trying to say she is petite in the brassier, but she ain’t no Pamela Anderson either.
It is incidents like that which are the reason why I always double up when it comes to swimsuits. When I am making incredibly radical trick frisbee catches, I do not want to be worrying about my cracking seeing sunshine.
My trick catches are my icebreaker with ladies at the beach, so I can’t give them up. Without them the ladies will not think I am any cooler than those losers throwing a football back and forth. It doesn’t take much skill to catch a ball that travels in a straight line. My six month old nephew can do that without even leaving his crib, and he’d only cry a little bit afterwards.
Next time Blanca might want to think about doubling up, as well.
Photo Credit: Backgrid USA
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Noah Cyrus Hard Pokies In Sexy Crop Top Pics
If Noah Cyrus and her sister Miley are anything, they’re the physical manifestation of dad Billy Ray’s old haircut: One’s all business in the front and the other’s all party in the back! While Noah may be the business end of the equation, she’s definitely not shy about flaunting what she’s got, just like her party all the time big sis Miley.
Noah has been increasing her profile of late, showing off her nips in a variety of tops lately, though these might rank among my favorite looks for the oddly named offspring of BRC. In one she’s wearing a pair of tiny undies, and showing off lots of leg. In another, she’s poking out in an almost transparent white tank top. It’s a veritable cornucopia of sexiness and Noah’s right in the epicenter.
So don’t be turned off by her name or by her father’s absolutely atrocious music, and give Noah Cyrus a try. She seems like a cool enough chick to let you take her for a ride, though make sure you bring her back in one piece. You don’t want break Billy Ray’s achy breaky heart, do you? He’s been through so much, and now looks like Mac from that season of It’s Always Sunny when he gained all that weight…
Photo Credit: Instagram / MEGA
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Fiji Water Girl Kelleth Cuthbert Gets In Shape After Landing A Role In CBS Soap ‘The Bold and the Beautiful’
I have never understood why bottled water needs the added sex appeal of a model in order to sell product. Water is already pretty damn sexy. I mean, it’s like one of three things in the world that we all need to live. I’m getting a stiffy just thinking about it, and I’m not even sure what the other two are.
And aren’t our bodies mostly water, as well? That means any schmo walking down the street could hypothetically become the mascot for a water company. I know the physical demands of such a job could be pretty unbearable, though. I am sure there would be a clause in the contract that demands you always stay well hydrated, which would mean your days of abusing alcohol would have to come to an end.
Think of the controversy that would follow if Kelleth Cuthbert was caught in a club with a Jack and Coke in her hand! The press would have a field day. It would be worse than that time Tom Cruise was caught not wearing Ray-Bans. That almost ruined his career, I can only imagine what it would do to a bottled water mascot.
Photo Credit: Splash News
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Georgette Culley Tries Out The Hands Free Orgasm Experience on YouTube
If only I wasn’t on a work computer I would be able to find out for myself whether or not Georgette Culley succeeded. I hope she did because she looks like she needs it. I am assuming those pics of her in the yellow dress took place before the attempt because she does not look like a woman who has orgasmed. I should know, I have seen the face of many a woman who has not orgasmed.
We all know that hands free orgasms are possible since wet dreams are a staple of every man’s adolescence. I guess women do not experience the same privilege when entering womanhood, which is a pity. Wet dreams were one of the few things I look back on with fondness.
For a few moments I was able to truly believe I was having sex with the women of my dreams without putting any effort forth. All that was needed on my end was to change out my boxers in the middle of the night, which is a small sacrifice when put into perspective. As long as your parents didn’t perform any room searches in your dirty laundry hamper, there really weren’t any downsides.
Photo Credit: Instagram / MEGA
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Ana Braga Underboob Pics To Get You Through The Week
Right around Tuesday afternoon, we all get that lull. The lull that says, “three more days of this shit,” and you just sort of sink into a bone deep depression which only gets worse as the week goes on. But I’ve got a cure for your mid-week blues. The kind of thing that’ll keep your week going and before you know it, it’s Friday already: Ana Braga’s underboob!
That’s right folks, it’s the best way to cure your mid-week blues and get a spring in your step and a bone in your drawers. Seeing the base of Ana Braga’s boobs is almost as good as seeing the whole boob, and it’s also a wonderful metaphor for the great things that await you over the weekend.
Think of it this way, if you’re only seeing part of Ana Braga’s boob, then it’s like being only part way through the week, and you can build the excitement by waiting to check out any topless Ana Braga pics until Friday. See? It’s like the perfect way to keep your week from getting boring, and the best thing you could possibly do to make Friday even better.
So take a cue from Ana Braga and view her underboobs as the tease to the great surprise that awaits you this weekend.
Photo Credit: Backgrid USA
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Olivia Culpo Is Smoldering Hot In Express Model Spread
What does a guy have to do to get access to a rooftop? Every babe with a photographer gets to hang out on the rooftop of their choosing, but a guy is forced to hang out exclusively in rooms with ceilings. It’s not right.
I would love to hang out in the open air and get some photos to spruce up the online dating profile, but the powers that be won’t allow it. They want me to pay a cover charge for a rooftop bar on top of the ten dollar drinks. I cannot afford that kind of lifestyle.
And God forbid I trespass onto a rooftop by myself. Whenever someone sees me they immediately assume I am going to kill myself, which is profiling, by the way. Not all guys that stand on roof ledges are jumpers. Some simply like to pretend they are pigeons, and no one is calling the fire department over pigeons on their ledges.
After the last time a person called 911 due to my affinity for ledges, the fire department said they would push me off themselves the next time it happened. Apparently they still claim they have better things to do than answer false alarms, but we all know their playing video games at the fire house.
Photo Credit: Instagram / MEGA / Backgrid USA
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Jennifer Garner Bends Over To Reveal Holes In Her Underwear
“Bends over to reveal holes” is usually a phrase that references something far different. Unfortunately, I allowed my emotions to get the better of me and therefor got my hopes up, only to be disappointed in the end.
This is one of the rare instances where I was letdown by seeing a woman’s underwear. It isn’t that the underwear isn’t nice, because it is. And with the holes in it there is even less of it there, which makes it even better. But once you have it in your mind that you are going to see a different set of holes there is nothing else in the world that can live up to those expectations.
I bet firemen feel the same way when they are called to a scene where they have been told a child is trapped in a hole. On the way there they’re getting all jacked up imagining what it is going to be like, and wondering what kinds of tools they’ll get to use. But when they get there they discover the kid just got his foot stuck in a rabbit hole. Jennifer Garner is my rabbit.
Photo Credit: Backgrid USA
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Kimberley Garner Thongs For The Memories
With so many gull durn reality shows, there’s a whole world of celebrities I know nothing about. It’s become an epidemic, and keeping up isn’t easy, but Kimberley Garner definitely deserves a moment of my time. This Made in Chelsea star was flaunting her thong while out and about, and now I seem to be drawn to her.
And why shouldn’t I be drawn to her? She’s wearing a thong and a come hither stare, enticing you to bask in the glory of her beautiful backside. Kimberley Garner is the magnet at the moment, and I am steel, as Walter Egan so thoughtfully told us in that classic tune.
So many memories come back to me right now, like the time I discovered what a thong was and how happy it made me that it was an acceptable article of clothing. What a day, what a time to be alive, what a world, what a country. All of these things and more fill me up as I look at Kimberley Garner’s thong.
Drink it all in, take your time, and don’t rush. You’ll get a flood of memories as well, and you’ll be saying, “Hey Kimberley Garner! Thongs for the memories!” And she’ll smile and say, “I read the title of the article dickweed. Now stop talking to me before I call the cops on you.”
Photo Credit: Instagram / MEGA
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Alexis Ren Busty Cleavage In A Lusty Little Top
This is big. I think Alexis Ren is trying to seduce me. Why else would she be posting half naked pictures online for all the world to see? I mean, I am part of the world, so she would have to know that I was going to see them.
It is just like when an ex starts posting pictures on social media with her new significant other. What she is really trying to do is make me jealous. People do not just move on with their lives and do things without considering how I might react to it. That is why whenever I see a photo of an ex online I am reminded of how obsessed they are with me.
Alexis Ren has never even met me and yet it is clear that she is obsessed. She even got her friend to take pictures of her while she is barely wearing anything at all. If that does not say, “I want you,” then I guess I do not know women as well as I thought I did. You might as well forget all of the golden advice I have provided in regards to the mind of a woman.
Photo Credit: Instagram
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Girl on Girl Bikini Wrestling From Delilah Belle Hamlin & Suede Brooks
I miss the days of GLOW and Foxy Boxing as much as the next guy, and thankfully there are some quasi-celebrities out there who like when we reminisce about such things. Take famous besties Delilah Belle Hamlin and Suede Brooks. Not only do their first names make them sound like a 70s SoCal duo recording smooth-ass music when put together and separated by an ampersand—Delilah & Suede—they also look hot as hell wrestling at the beach.
There’s nothing like a little girl on girl bikini wrestling action to kick the early part of your week into high gear, but there’s something extra sexy about it involving Delilah Belle Hamlin and Suede Brooks. If this were just two rando girls bikini wrestling, I might watch halfheartedly for a while before wandering on down the beach to see if any corpses have washed up on shore.
Because it’s two hot ladies that are marginally famous, however, I want all the details. I want stats, I want to know who landed the first punch, and I want to see one of these ladies get suplexed. Is that really too much to ask for? Some guys just aren’t content to have sexy ladies wrestling on the beach, I guess.
Photo Credit: Backgrid USA / Splash News
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Chris Pratt’s Brand New Fiancee Katherine Schwarzenegger’s Hottest Model Shots
It’s got to be hard being the daughter of Arnold Schwarzenegger and Maria Shriver, at least in terms of expectations that people may have of you. As far as genetics and name recognition, though, the world is her oyster and she’s making the most out of it, and not just by shacking up with Star Lord.
At most angles, Katherine looks a lot like her Kennedy-related mother, but those teeth scream, “My dad is Arnold Schwarzenegger.” You’d think she’d be lucky enough to skate by without too much of his genetics taking over, but she’s doing the best she can with those teeth.
I kid, of course, she’s drop dead gorgeous and any religious zealot would be happy to call her his fiancée, even one as zealous as Chris Pratt. I like to think that it doesn’t affect my opinion of her that she’s going to marry that hypocrite, but the more I learn about him, the less I like him.
Katherine Schwarzenegger, on the other hand, is just the opposite. The more I learn about her, the more I feel like I appreciate and like who she is. Now if she could just get herself the one thing she lacks, and that’s better taste in men.
Photo Credit: Instagram / MEGA / Getty Images
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Georgia Toffolo Keeps The Sexiness Coming With Smiley Cleavage Candids
Georgia Toffolo is clearly no beachside newbie. She came prepared with the proper items for a successfully fun day. She has herself a skirt to give her legs a break from the Sun. She has herself a banana, which brings its own protection against the sand. And she has herself some playing cards, which are also easy to keep free from the sand. The only thing I don’t see is alcohol, which I find hard to believe is the one thing that she has forgotten.
Maybe the alcohol is simply out of sight, or maybe something more sinister is afoot. Maybe this is one of those fascist beaches that does not allow alcohol. That should have never been a thing, and yet for some reason they still exist.
I don’t understand how alcohol laws can even be enforced at a beach. You are barely even in the country when you are at a beach, it is practically international waters so I don’t think we are under the jurisdiction of local law enforcement. The same applies to beaches at inland lakes. I’m pretty sure no country owns that water since it fell from the sky at one point. Someday I might be able to test this theory in a court of law.
Photo Credit: Backgrid USA
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Candice Swanepoel’s Supermodel Body In A Tight Little Bikini
If I remember correctly, the saying some smart person said one time goes like “all that glitters is not gold.” Which is true. Because sometimes gold glitter comes with Candice Swanepoel attached. And that’s better than gold. So I hereby officially change the phrase to “mostly all that glitters will have a chance of being greater than gold if Candice is the one with the glitter.” My lord is this woman a hot tamale. Even when she hasn’t spilled arts and crafts all over herself she’s a hot little number. And by hot little number I mean close to the temperature of the sun. Who knew that you could stuff something so hot in such a small bikini. Brave Candice. Standing ovation.
Candice really puts the “swan” in Swanepoel. I haven’t seen a more attractive woman in ages. I’m not that old, but you get the point. The woman is built like an elegant egret. I believe that she should have her own show. Because a beauty like hers needs to be documented. I’m willing to do the following and the filming. The only problem would be doing the voiceover as being in the presence of a woman as hot as her would leave me speechless.
Photo Credit: Instagram / MEGA
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See Jeff Bezos’ New GF Lauren Sanchez In Busty Bikini Candids
I do not want to get too cynical about this so quickly, but a large portion of my brain activity is being taken up by this nagging thought. How long is this relationship going to last after Jeff Bezos goes through with his divorce?
I am not meaning to taint this blossoming love affair. I wish Jeff and Lauren the best, I just don’t know what a woman can see in a man who loses half of his fortune. That doesn’t set the tone for a very secure future, does it?
If he can lose billions of dollars in the blink of an eye due to divorce, what is to say he can’t lose billions more in another divorce? If I was Lauren I think I would start examining other options for myself.
The only lucky one coming out of this scenario is MacKenzie Bezos. Thankfully, she saw the writing on the wall and got out of there while he was still the richest man in the world. I am not normally one to entertain conspiracies, but I think there might have been some insider trading going on there. I think someone tipped off MacKenzie about the impending divorce.
Photo Credit: Backgrid USA
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Yeezy Model Julissa Neal Red Hot Sunbathing Shots In Ridiculously Tiny Thong Bikini
What a handy little bikini Julissa Neal has for herself. I do not know what the technical jargon is for the cloth of a bikini that covers that breasts, but for the duration of this post it will be referred to as the boob hammock.
The boob hammock of Julissa’s bikini looks like it has the ability to expand or contract based on the desired use. It is like when a convertible either has the top up or down. In this case, her top is literally on, but the boob hammocks are set to down.
I am sure that is useful for those women who want to minimize their tan lines. Instead of having to make the decision to go topless or not, she can slowly shorten the width of her hammocks throughout the day. Of course, the center of her boobs are going to be slightly more pale than the rest of her, but it will be a graded look. I bet it could even make her boobs look bigger. They could end up looking like the snowy peaks of a mountain, and no one thinks of mountains as small.
Photo Credit: Instagram / Splash News
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Meet The Model Behind The Meme, Kellen Cuthbert and Her Golden Globes FIJI Stunt
There was one lady that everyone was talking about after the Golden Globes, and no, it wasn’t Jamie Lee Curtis looking like she was auditioning to star as the villain in a dystopian YA movie…
No, it was Kellen Cuthbert, aka the Fiji Water girl who happily photobombed celebrities throughout the evening while offering up some delicious Fiji Water to slake their red carpet thirst.
Kellen is quite the hottie and managed to upstage such beauties as Amy Adams, Emmy Rossum, Lili Reinhart, Kristin Cavallari, Kaley Cuoco, Heidi Klum, Alyssa Milano, and yes, even the aforementioned Jamie Lee Curtis, who was apparently none too happy that Kellen upstaged her Activia eating ass.
I definitely like anyone that takes pleasure in their work, and Kellen is clearly someone who relishes stealing the spotlight from celebrities. Good on her, those dusty old hags have gotten enough publicity already. Make way for some new blood, and also quench your Golden Globes sized thirst with a cool, refreshing Fiji Water.
Photo Credit: Getty Images / MEGA / Backgrid USA
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Who’s Hotter: Sexy Bikini BFF Edition With Reality Star Danielle Lombard and Model Jessica Crib
You should know by now that I enjoy a great bikini battle. Hot bod everywhere is how I like to enjoy the beach. I’m somewhat of an unofficial scorekeeper and referee when ladies want to go head to head. In one sandy corner we have the gorgeous Jessica Cribbon. In the other sandy corner we have the lovely Danielle Lombard. Cribbon seems like she was born ready in her bright yellow bikini. I don’t think I’ve seen a woman that looked so much like a seductive ray of sunshine until I laid eyes on her. She’s getting an 11 out of 10 from me. Don’t ask me how that’s possible. Ask her how she got so hot.
Lombard’s other name must be lady luck. Because she looks like nothing but good fortune in her white two piece. Forget betting on black or red. I’m placing all my bets on Danielle. She also scores an 11 out of 10 from me. Looks like we have a tie. You can boo about the results all you want, but giving out scores is something I take very serious. These women are evenly matched in the heat department. I’m up for a rematch if both contestants are up for wearing smiles and bikinis tomorrow.
Photo Credit: Backgrid USA / MEGA / Splash News
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Pippa Middleton Bikini Body Candids To Start Your Weekend
Pippa Middleton is looking piping hot in that little bikini. I just hope she is not so hot that she changes the temperature of that water. There are enough things in the world right now that are trying to kill our sea life, we don’t need her adding one more factor into the mix.
I don’t understand how fish have survived this long considering how easily they die. My younger brother had a fish tank when we were growing up and it felt like there was a revolving door of new fish cycling into it while the dead ones were getting flushed down the toilet. They are just so damn fragile.
If the temperature of the water changes by just a little bit they die. If the toxicity of the water changes by just a little bit they die. I did the best I could to keep them alive. I cannot tell you how many bottles of alcohol I wasted by pouring them into the tank, but it didn’t make a difference. Whatever bacteria was swimming around did not get disinfected by the alcohol. I suppose it just wasn’t meant to be for my little brother.
Photo Credit: Splash News / Backgrid USA / MEGA
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Who’s Hotter: BFF Edition With Megan McKenna and Olivia Attwood In Little Sexy Bikinis
The last thing any of us ever want to do is make a decision. Typically we are decided between the better of two evils and we won’t really feel good about either choice in the end. Such is life, I guess, but there are a couple of times when picking is great. When no matter what we choose we’ll come out better for it. Megan McKenna or Olivia Attwood bikini, can you really go wrong?
I’m actually asking, can you really make a bad choice between Megan McKenna or Olivia Attwood in a bikini. They are both blonde-ish, both got some awesome cleavage, and that bikini ass is a real winner. So, I guess picking between Megan McKenna or Olivia Attwood in a bikini is like saying do you want $100 in cash or a $100 in your bank account? Either way you are getting money. I gotta say though, Megan McKenna or Olivia Attwood in bikinis is way better than money. I know I can’t pay my rent with Megan McKenna or Olivia Attwood in a bikinis, but I do feel all warm and fuzzy on the inside and that feeling is priceless.
So go ahead, try to make a bad decision. I dare you to pick between Megan McKenna in a sexy bikini or Olivia Attwood in a sexy bikini. See if you make a choice and then feel bad for decision. I don’t think it’s going to happen.
Photo Credit: Splash News
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Singer Madison Beer Desperately Trying to Avoid A Wardrobe Malfunction
I can relate to the struggles of Madison Beer with her swimsuit. I know all too well what it is like to grow out of your favorite piece of clothing, only to be too stubborn to admit defeat. Madison is going to keep trying to force her boobs into that top until the fabric tears away and makes the decision for her to retire it. The same thing happened to me with my favorite pair of running shorts. Although I think there will be less shrieks of horror when her clothes finally fail in public as opposed to when mine did.
A word to the wise, don’t let it get to that point. Do the rational thing and pass it on to a smaller person that can still make use of it. They’ll appreciate it, and you will have protected your modesty, as well as everybody else’s vision. Only a fool decides to bet it all on black every time, and that is exactly what you are doing with old clothing. Except with roulette you have a chance to actually win something. With clothing, you just have the chance to not lose.
Photo Credit: MEGA
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Kimberley Garner Shows Off Her Sexy Figure In Extra Tight Little Bikini
I love being able to gaze upon women’s fashion, while having the comfort of knowing I will never have to deal with it myself. Seeing Kimberley Garner’s swimsuit top makes me realize why men do not have tops for their suits. All of those strings being used are a surefire way to have me accidentally suicide myself in the hotel bathroom before I even make it to the beach.
Even in the days when men’s swimsuits came with shirts the makers made sure to have them attached to the shorts. It was like an adult onesie. There was no risk of losing either item, and certainly no chance of strangling yourself.
Or maybe I should say there was no increased chance of strangling yourself. There is still the chance that some fisherman would snag your collar with his hook and reel you in thinking you were the catch of a lifetime. But that could have still happened if you were wearing a normal shirt.
Not all freak accidents can be prevented by improvements in fashion. For example, men still have to deal with the netting of modern swimsuits causing unbelievable itching when sitting down for more than ten minutes.
[Kimberley Garner’s Very Sexiest Stories Right Over Here]
Photo Credit: MEGA
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Blonde Bikini Girl Alysia Kaempf Flaunts Her Perfect Body In Curvy Photos
Alysia Kaempf can feel free to crash my party anytime. Because it really isn’t a party until she shows up. I don’t throw too many shin digs these days because there really isn’t too much to celebrate when you’re living out in the sticks. But after seeing the body that Alysia is working with, it’s officially time to break out the balloons. Maybe even some confetti and a couple of party time caps. I hope she likes to boogie on the beach because I plan on bringing some amazing tunes.
It may be impossible to find a woman that’s steamier than Kaempf. She’s hotter than an overheated radiator completely deprived of coolant. I’m pretty sure that’s the reason why she’s chugging down so much water and sitting on the edge of the ocean. With a hot chassis like that, she has to constantly keep cool or risk a meltdown. I want to be her water-boy. I’d make sure she’d never need to ask for a refill as long as I’m around. I’d even bring a portable fan along just incase the breeze slows down. And if the batteries ran out I’d blow until I turned blue. Anything to keep her happy.
Photo Credit: Backgrid USA
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Don’t Miss Ashley Graham’s Curvy Bikini Photo Shoot Candids
Oh Ashley Graham, will you ever stop being sexy. I mean, probably when you’re 90, but not anytime soon, and that’s such a blessing for the rest of us. I don’t want to live in a world where Ashley Graham isn’t sexy.
That would be like living in a world where ice cream tasted like water or a rainbow was just one color. It’s not fun or enjoyable in any way, shape, or form. Thank goodness we don’t have to live in that world and that the world we live in is one that has a sexy Ashley Graham.
I can’t imagine looking at these pics of Ashley Graham and just throwing your hands up and saying, “Seen it!” It’s not a fun way to go through life. A fun way to go through life is to get to the end of the gallery and then start all over again, surprised by how sexy Ashley Graham is even after starting at her for an extended period of time.
We can all look at the glass as half whatever you want, but at least the glass has water in it and at least Ashley Graham is sexy. It’s the only way to keep going in such a miserable world.
[More Bikini Hot Shots From Ashley Graham Right Here]
Photo Credit: Backgrid USA
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Zara McDermott’s Extra Sexy Bust And Underboob In Tiny Striped Bikini Top
Well this is just ridiculous. Thanksgiving is still weeks away and here Zara McDermott is busting out her candy cane themed clothing, and spitting in the face of everything our pilgrims worked for. I am speaking about metaphorical spit, obviously. The last pilgrim died long ago after the invention of the martini, if I am not mistaken.
Zara fitting her boobs into that bikini is the equivalent to a child forcing the square block through the round hole on the shapes board. It shouldn’t be possible. I’m not sure how either managed it. But the evidence speaks for itself, so I might as well get past it and hurry along with being impressed.
I think Zara has figured out a functional way to use a corset. By wearing a tight bikini she gets all of the benefits of the stomach crushing device, without the negatives. She still gets the gobsmacking cleavage, and the high-waisted bottoms accentuate her hips, but she doesn’t have to deal with the minor inconvenience of not being able to breathe. Apparently some find this to be an optional ability and I am the weird one for valuing it so highly, but I still think it has its usefulness.
Photo Credit: Backgrid USA / Instagram
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Bella Thorne’s Busty Halloween Lingerie Is A Sweet Treat
Bella Thorne is a bona fide babe. She pretty much blew me away with her Halloween costume this year. I never thought it was possible for someone so pretty to be so scary, and still look so hot at the same time. It’s like my mind is playing tricks on me, and she’s the treat my eyes see. I can’t place my finger on exactly who she’s trying to be, but if I had to guess, I’d say a lady vampire or the bride of Frankenstein. She looks great as either one.
The scariest part about Halloween for me this year was knowing just how far away Bella was. I’d knock on an endless amount of doors just hoping that one of them ends up being hers. I’d even be willing to bring her the best candy around as an offering. And that means there will be no candy corn in the goodie bag I give her. All I ask for in return for my efforts is the opportunity for a better look. She’s so attractive it’s frightening. She could have gone as herself for Halloween if she wanted to.
[Bella Thorne’s Hottest Shots From TMZ]
Photo Credit: Instagram / Backgrid USA
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