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Rose Huntington-Whiteley Stuns In Silky Little Pink Number

Rose are red, violets are blue, don’t even blink, or you’ll miss Rose Huntington-Whiteley in pink. Sorry, sometimes you see something so damn stunning you got to write a poem about it. I may not be much of a poet, but Rose Huntington-Whiteley in a pink sure is stunning.

To be fair Rose Huntington-Whiteley could probably wear just about any color and it would still be kind of stunning. I have often found my jaw on the floor after seeing Rose Huntington-Whiteley wearing red or blue or black or nothing. She’s got one of those killer bods that tends to look great in everything. Like, I hate brown. I think brown is a terrible color and it should be destroyed in the fires of Mount Doom, but if Rose Huntington-Whiteley wore a brown bikini I would scream and shout about how amazing the color brown is. That would be all thanks to Rose Huntington-Whiteley and her body. Though it would be great if Rose Huntington-Whiteley never worn brown, you know, for me.

Rose Huntington-Whiteley is a real beauty and she can pull off any look she wants. That might be why we all have a special for her in our hearts. Well, that and she’s really super hot.

[More Beautiful Bikini Candids Right Here] 

Photo Credit: Backgrid USA

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Russian Glamour Model Anastasiya Kvitko Displays Her Outrageous Bikini Curves

Anastasiya Kvitko looks sweeter than some cheesecake when she’s wearing a white bikini on the beach. I don’t know whether I want to strike up a conversation or grab my spoon. I wonder how well is her English. I would learn Russian in a heartbeat just to tell this woman how much I admire her. She must be royalty of some kind, and if she isn’t, she can become the Queen of my world. I’d make sure to have an acceptable offering everyday for her. Sometimes chocolate, sometimes a flower. And when I’m feeling extra generous I can give her both a chocolate and flower together.

I think the government should take a serious look into allowing hot women to go to the beach alone. How on Earth will they be able to apply sunscreen to the top portion of their back if the only people who can reach that part without assistance happens to be contortionists? I doubt Kvitko comes from a line of circus and sideshow entertainers. Sunburn in-between the shoulder blades is no laughing matter. I’m worried about Anastasiya.  I hope she allows me to always drench her in an appropriate amount of SPF-50 whenever she gets the urge to go out to the beach by herself.

Photo Credit: Backgrid USA

 

 

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Genesis Jones Ridiculously Sexy In See-Through Top And Latex Skirt

It feels odd to see something made out of latex that is being worn on the body in full view of the public. I am so use to the much more common item being worn in private that I am having a hard time processing this. There are boobs and skin and latex. I am on sensory overload. I think I finally know what dogs feel like when they go for walks.

One good thing to take away from this is that Genesis does not have an allergy to latex. That is a great thing to know before you absolutely need to know it, because it is so difficult to bring up in conversation, and it is so hard to find convenience store that sells goatskin at two in the morning. Although it would be expensive, and rarely pay off, it might be a good idea to always keep a non-latex condom on hand just in case you come across one of the exceptions. Granted, that is the kind of thing they should keep on their persons, but it would be a easy way to score brownie points.

 

Photo Credit: Splash News 

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Anastasiya Kvitko’s Curves Literally Cannot Be Contained

If you turn your screen upside down Anistasiya’s ass looks like a coconut has been split in half and its milky goodness is spilling out. Her skin is such a perfect color to make that comparison that I hardly think it is only by coincidence that it makes the resemblance.

Or maybe I just made the comparison because the mental image of a bunch of guys flipping their computer screens over made me chuckle.

I am only kidding. I would never mislead you like that, and any fool could mistake Anistasiya’s cocobutt for a coconut. Thankfully she is not stranded on a desert island. Guys would be hallucinating, trying to stick straws up there for survival. And that would be horrific for many reasons, not least of which being the use of an outlawed plastic item. How dare they put their own survival above that of the sea turtles!

I think Anastasiya would agree with me on that point. She would not want any straws to be going near any of her orifices, and that would all be due to her environmentally conscious mind. A reed is a different story though, because it is natural.

 

 

Photo Credit: Backgrid USA

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Who’s Hotter: Supermodel Smackdown with Hailey Baldwin and Cambrie Schroder

For any leg lovers out there, this is going to be a tough decision. Both of these gals have got some quality equipment that they are working with, and neither have knees that resemble baby heads. That last detail is really important. I do not care how long a lady’s legs are, I do not want to look at them if they are going to make me feel like someone is staring back. The only voyeurism that I condone is that which is done by me, because I have principles.

What I am really loving about Hailey is the dress that she is wearing here. It looks so classy for a day out. Most of the women I know won’t put on a dress unless it is a special occasion and they know a camera is going to be brought out. I suppose being famous means you can usually count on a camera being around though, so it is better to be safe than sorry. Being caught wearing old sweats could really hurt your image as a model.

So I guess Hailey is going to walk away with the win today, and Cambrie will have to put forth more of an effort next time.

 

Photo Credit: Splash News / Backgrid USA

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Nicole Williams Showcases Her Fine Figure In Wet And Wild Bikini Shoot

Nicole Williams would never have to worry about going to the shore alone ever again. I am officially volunteering myself as her official beach buddy. That means no matter what I’m doing, I’m willing to drop everything in order to make sure she doesn’t ever feel lonely splashing around in shallow water. Because I’ve been there before. I thought it would be peaceful searching for seashells down by the seashore, but then I looked up, looked around, and realized how sad I was watching the sun sink into the horizon without a beautiful woman by my side. In order to avoid that happening again I promise to always be her BFF, beach friend forever.

As her most loyal amigo of the sand and salty water, I’ve written down a few activities to keep us entertained. On the top of my list is searching for buried treasure. People think I’m crazy, but I’m just trying to get the most use out of this metal detector I impulsively purchased from an infomercial a few years back. Hopefully Nicole doesn’t interfere with the detector doing its job because she is quite the treasure herself. As precious as she is, she can rest assured that I would never do anything crazy like bury her, she’s too valuable in my eyes.

Photo Credit: MEGA / Instagram 

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A Brief Tour Of Some Of The Gorgeous Nina Dobrev’s Sexiest Looks

Seeing Nina in that white getup reminds me of the old nurses uniforms, and it makes me wonder why they ever got rid of them for scrubs? I mean, I know they were not practical, or comfortable, or as cheap, but they still had their merits.

Ok, I concede that scrubs are the smarter choice for a person to wear when they have to deal with the sickly and bleeding. But whatever happened to bedside manner? It isn’t all about the money and practicality, right?

I know my chances of making a full recovery would greatly improve if I was being cared for by a woman who was showing some cleavage, and not hiding her curves behind a glorified tablecloth. Granted, I would probably go to the emergency room a lot more often than I currently do, which is zero, and that would cost a fortune. But like I said, it isn’t all about the money. So what if I want to see make a visit to the doctor after I step on a lego. That is my God given right, and their legal responsibility to uphold. So make with the cleavage, and I will make with the unnecessary injuries.

 

Photo Credit: Splash News / Backgrid USA / MEGA

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Check Out Selma Blair’s Beautiful Bikini Booty

I wonder why pools are not more highly utilized by celebrities. Selma has the right idea, but so many others seem to enjoy the misery of spending their time at beaches. Why would you want to swim around in chlorinated water when you could have a sandy enema blasted up your ass crack, right?

I understand why the rest of us go to the beach. It is because it is cheaper than a pool, and any pool that we can afford to go to is going to have water that is even dirtier than the oceans. But celebrities have enough money to afford going to a private club where they can keep out riffraff like us. I don’t blame them for that. I wouldn’t want me in there either. So why they do not make use of those features puzzles me.

I surely would not hang around the public. Eck, just saying the word leaves a bad taste in my mouth. I am going to have to drink a lot of straight alcohol tonight in order to kill all of that nasty bacteria. I was going to drink a lot anyway, but now there is a more useful purpose.

 

[More From Selma Blair Right Here!]

Photo Credit: MEGA / Instagram 

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Elsa Hosk In A Tiny Bikini Is The Hottest Thing On Two Legs

I am fairly certain that Elsa Hosk is the name that Elon Musk’s alter ego goes by in a parallel dimension. For all I know this Elsa Hosk is that alter ego and our worlds are crossing over. If this is true, then the ramifications could be extremely dire, but I am not sure how to remedy the situation.

I certainly do not want to live in a world without either Elsa or Elon. Their beautiful faces get me through the darkest days. And I am certainly not qualified to decide which one would get to stay. That would be a harder choice than the one Sophie had to make.

How am I even supposed to know which one rightfully belongs to this world? If only we all got a marking when we were born that said which world we belonged to. Then it would be easy enough to ship the undocumented dimension traveler back to Earth 69, or wherever it is they came from.

If I found out that Elsa was the one to be tactically removed, I hope I would have the strength to follow through with my responsibilities for the survival of the planet, and not keep her sheltered in my apartment. She looks like she’d be expensive, and I cannot even afford a dog.

 

Photo Credit: Instagram 

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Corinne Olympios Proudly Displays Her Pert Little Ass In Skin-Filled Instagram Shots

That is one hell of a nice bathtub. If I had a tub like that, instead of the glorified port-a-potty that is currently in my bathroom, I would never take another shower in my life. What would be the point? I would work remotely from work every day. Well, I would find a job that allowed me to work remotely, and then I would do it every day. I would marinade in a bubble bath until my skin pruned worse than a ninety year old woman’s.

I suppose my current bath tub is not so bad. It is not a full-fledged port-a-potty. My roommate only does number ones in there, which isn’t so bad. Nothing a little undiluted bleach cannot solve. And the bleach has the added benefit of killing all of the other bacteria and mold that chooses to homestead in there.

I bet Corinne’s tub is so clean she does not even have to wear her sneakers when she gets in it. There is probably no risk to her getting a fungus, or as of yet undiscovered infection. Pssh, the privileged lives that models get to live. Well, at least my life gives me character, and when I am fortunate it also gives me a shot of penicillin.

 

Photo Credit: Instagram / MEGA

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Sophie Turner Braless Candids Show Off At Least One Pierced Nip

I have never understood how a person could stand having only one nipple pierced. I have a hard enough time understanding the desire to have nipples pierced in general, but once I make peace with that idea I don’t get why you would only get one done. My own obsessive desire for symmetry would lead me to get them both done regardless of how much the first one hurt to get done.

One of the worst things I can imagine happening in my life is to find myself in the hands of a Jigsaw-like killer who pierced one of my nipples as a part of some sick game. I would then have to make the decision to pierce the other one or die in a gruesome and overly complicated way. I am not too ashamed to admit that I would struggle to make a decision.

That is why I have such conflicted feelings seeing Sophie Turner strutting around in her t-shirt. If I had a better imagination I could simply pretend that her other nipple is also pierced, and that would be the end of it. But that is not what the evidence before me would have me believe. So I am left hoping for a driveby piercing to conveniently nail Sophie in the crossfire.

 

Photo Credit: MEGA / Splash News 

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READER REQUEST: The Very Sexiest of Ball Girl And FIFA Ambassador Victoria Lopyreva

If Victoria Lopreyva really wants to make a difference in the world, instead of holding up soccer balls next to her chest she should be holding up sign that says “Save the Orphans” or some shit. Maybe even a link to some crowdfunding page where people can donate to children with harelips in third world countries, or states. For every milestone reached in funding, Victoria could release a photo of her with one less layer of clothing.

Man, that was a hell of a good idea. I think my talents are being wasted here. I need to get into the non-profit sector and show those jabronies how it is done. I could have all of the world’s ailments knocked out by the end of the year. And even if I didn’t then I would still have done a great service to the world by releasing even more photos of topless women to the internet.

I do not know the responsibilities of a Ball Girl, but given her uniform I do not think they are too demanding. It is not like the bat boys in the MLB who have to wear helmets. Those kids are risking life and limb in order to fulfill a job that can be carried out by a dog.

 

Photo Credit: MEGA / Instagram 

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Who’s Hotter: Hot Heidis Bikini Body Edition with Heidi Pratt and Heidi Klum

So, how do you like your Heidis? Do you prefer them all natural with little to no enhancements like Heidi Klum or do you like ’em blown up to gargantuan proportions like Heidi Pratt?

That’s the fundamental question at play here in this battle of the Heidis. I know some guys go in for fake breasts and face lifts, making them inclined to lean toward Heidi Pratt, but I’ve never gone in for any of that kind of stuff. For a woman in her mid-40s, Heidi Klum has still got it going on, and any work she may have had done is pretty spectacularly hidden from view.

It’s weird to think that Heidi Pratt is a full decade and a half younger than Heidi Klum, but has had substantially more work done to her body and face than her older counterpart. I’m not saying that surgery is bad, and Heidi Pratt has gone out of her way to correct some of the comically bad work she had done in her heyday, but she still looks oddly synthetic to me. I expect to be called all manner of terrible things in the comments section for even pointing this out.

[Heidi Klum’s Sexiest Photos Right Here]

[Heidi Pratt’s Best Pics And Stories Over Here]

Photo Credit: MEGA / Splash News

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Who’s Hotter: Best Friends Kayleigh Morris and Jasmin Walia Edition

I love pitting two friends against each other. It reminds me of the time I had I forgot to feed my fish for a couple days when I was ten and when I came back there was only one. The way I see it, I did them a favor. Had they not gone through such a hard time together they would have never figured out how strong their friendship was. And as it turns out, it was not strong at all. It couldn’t even survive a little light starvation.

That is why I am so curious to see how naming one of these besties as a favorite is going to effect the future of their friendship. Clearly the hotter one is Kayleigh Morris. The girl is stacked stronger than Lincoln Logs. Now the only question is how Jasmin Walia is going to handle that news. Will she “accidently” spill boiling hot water onto Kayleigh? Will Kayleigh’s brake lines inexplicably fail? Or will Kayleigh be the one to change? Will she start treating Jasmin as a personal assistant? Or like some serf that she shouldn’t be associating with.

It is hard to say. I guess it all depends on how highly they hold my opinion, which I think it is safe to assume is very high.

 

Photo Credit: Splash News / MEGA

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These Padma Lakshmi Curvy Bikini Candids Are Exactly What Your Day Needs

Am I the only person on earth who sees the name Padma Lakshmi written down and immediately think of Padmé from Star Wars? Probably, I’m just that big of a geek. And I don’t even like the prequels that much. Nevertheless, there’s no need to think of the prequels when Ms. Lakshmi is looking absolutely gorgeous in these bikini pics.

The former Mrs. Salman Rushdie was out on a yacht enjoying the lovely weather and showing off her ample bikini bod, and frankly it would’ve been a crime for us not to bring you the photographic evidence. The Top Chef host was more like Bottom Chef while showing off her sexy, wedgied backside climbing back onto the boat after a refreshing dip, amirite?

So, whether or not her name makes you think of the Star Wars prequels, it’s safe to say that she’s substantially hotter than anything in those films. I’d love to have Padma over sometime to criticize my cooking and then go for a dip in my pool. Now, if only I had a pool… or any sort of substantial cooking abilities and I’d be on my way to making this fantasy a reality!

[Her Hottest Pics And Stories From TMZ]
Photo Credit: Backgrid USA

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Jennifer Lopez Flaunts Her Toned Abs In A Sexy Sporta Bra

Spandex? Check. Aviators? Check. Whole lotta attitude? Double Check. If I did not know any better I would be tempted to say Jennifer Lopez is looking to release a hip hop fitness course on VHS. She could even call it “On the Floor 2: Do Crunches” if she felt so inclined. Yes, I did come up with the title, but I am willing to sell it to her for a nominal six-figure fee.

I watched a lot of those old fitness tapes back in the day, and it was not because I had any need to get rock hard abs. I was twelve years old with a fast metabolism; I could have ate chocolate cake for every meal and I would have still had an eight-pack. This was before there was internet constantly in the palm of your hand, and the only computer was kept in the family room. My mom knew exactly what she was doing, I will never forgive her. Even nudie mags were not worth the risk because they left a literal paper trail. But the possession of fitness tapes could appear as innocent as a bottle of lotion on the nightstand.

 

[More Sexy Photos Of J-Lo This Way]

Photo Credit: Backgrid USA / MEGA

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Heidi Klum Shows Off Her Model Body Lounging By The Pool In A Tiny Bikini

A supermodel’s work is never done, and no one personifies that axiom better than Heidi Klum. Over the years, Heidi has been married, had kids, and—as we all must do—aged. Yet, it’s not stopped her from staying in 100% supermodel shape throughout the years, and to look at her now is to see a woman who has been vigilant in staying in fighting shape.

It’s a hard road, and I’m sure no one knows that better than Heidi. However, she’s made it look easy, peasy, lemon squeezy. These bikini candids show off a woman who, at 45 years of age, has proven conclusively that age is nothing but a number.

Now, make no mistake about it, there’s probably an army of assistants and trainers helping her keep that body in business, but Heidi’s got the time and the money to do that, so why begrudge her? If she had all of those resources at her disposal and looked like Helga She-Beast of the Gulag, then maybe we could rag on her, but I think she knows that it takes a village to keep her in business, and I’m glad Heidi Klum has such a village at her fingertips. Rock on with your bad self, Heidi Klum!

[Heidi Klum’s Sexiest Photos And Stories Right Over Here!]

Photo Credit: Backgrid USA 

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Kim Kardashian’s Kimmel Curves Can’t Be Contained

Kim Kardashian is a woman that won’t put bumpers on her curves. So thank goodness this isn’t a game of bowling otherwise scoring a strike with her would be almost impossible. Because if she was a slicked wooden lane with the same shape instead of a very hot woman I would never be able to keep my balls on her. I honestly don’t believe Kim should want to keep anything under wraps. If she’s worried that no one will appreciate what she has to offer, she’s wrong. Because I value her body so much I contemplated making a statue of it like a modern Greek sculpture. She looks so good that she should be remembered for years to come.

The last place I would put Kim is in some kind of room cooped up. She belongs on a pedestal for all of the world to see and admire. If it was up to me I would make sure Kim got out more. She deserves it and has earned the right. If she wants to show off her superpower ability of filling her shirt to the brim so be it. I will not become a super-villain that attempts to stop this Wonder Woman.

[More Sexy Photos And Captivating Stories Of Kim K Right Here]

Photo Credit: Splash News 

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Farrah Abraham Looking Luscious And Lusty Trying To Impress French Footballers

I really cannot blame Farrah Abraham for going after those dudes. I don’t give a damn about their sport, or for men in general, but if I had a chance to put a ring on it then I would dive in faster than they do when an opponent is within ten feet. Not only do they make bank, but they tend to be rather handsome as well. So long as they are more handsome than me I feel like a gay marriage could still be considered an upgrade for myself.

I wonder if anyone has ever come up with a chart that plots out how hot a man needs to be in order to be considered hotter than a woman. I know it seems like a niche market, but that is the kind of knowledge I would need on hand before making such a decision like marriage. I’m sorry, but I cannot allow myself to marry a spouse that is uglier than my friends’ spouses, regardless of them being a man or woman. Love has got nothing to do with it, I am all about that pettiness.

 

[Farrah Abraham’s Very Hottest Pics Right Here]

Photo Credit: Backgrid USA / Instagram 

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Amber Rose Steps Up Her Seduction Game In Curvy Purple Look

Whenever Amber Rose turns up, it’s virtually impossible to keep your focus on anything but her spectacular rack. However, I couldn’t help but notice that something was different about her in these new photos. At first I thought maybe she had gotten a new tattoo, considering her arm’s close proximity to her breasts, but then I moved my eyes up a few inches and exclaimed, “Oh, she’s got purple hair now!”

I mean, you guys don’t blame me for totally missing that the first time, do you? I was almost completely ignorant to everything above her breasts but then something told me to fix my gaze slightly upwards and that’s when I realized that this was not the Amber Rose we all know and love. To be honest, I’m not even sure how I noticed that anything was different at all, since I don’t spend much of my time looking at her head.

I hope that Amber Rose is happy with the purple hair, because if she’s happy, the rest of us are happy. In all honesty, though, she could have purple hair, blue hair, or rainbow colored hair, and I still might not notice anything was different.

[Amber Rose Hosts The Annual Slutwalk!]

Photo Credit: Splash News / Backgrid USA

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Emily Ratajkowski Showcases Her Amazing Legs Out In Sexy Summer Dress

Is there a word for the line that forms down the center of a woman’s stomach when they do not have abs, but are still very fit? I would actually be surprised to find out that it has not been named. They seem to have a name for everything else on the body. If some science guy has the time to come up with a name for the skin on my elbow (wenis) then I do not see why they could not come up with a name like abdominus butt crack for this.

Don’t judge me on that name, it is still in beta testing. But the fact remains, Emily has one sexy abdominus butt crack. For some reason I only ever see that crevasse on women. Guys will either have abs, or a beer gut, but never no abs with a line.

Whatever Emily is doing, whether it be due to diet or exercise, is clearly working. My advice is to not go messing around with a proven method. Don’t try to fix something that isn’t broken. Don’t reinvent the wheel. It is what it is, and what it is is perfect.

 

 

Photo Credit: Backgrid USA

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Kara Del Toro Just Keeps Pumping Out The Sexiest Bikini Photos

Mmhm. There is not much to say about the body on Kara del Toro aside from that she is definitely female. I mean, I have seen a number of people in my life who still leave me guessing to this day, and a few of them I have shared a bed with, but there is no doubt when it comes to Kara.

When it comes to swimwear, if you were really hoping to mask your gender then it would be ill-advised to wear anything that Kara does, ever. She is always showing, without actually showing, all of the parts that a person would usually like to keep concealed under sweatpants if they were trying to remain androgynous.

Really, I recommend sweatpants for nearly every occasion, not just for those hoping to conceal their genitalia. If you starch and iron them then they can pass as a comfy pair of slacks. But be warned, if you are a guy hoping to conceal his dongle then you had better be wearing a small pair of compression shorts, otherwise the whole attempt will be futile. Personally, I like to take the Patrick Swayze approach and exclusively wear pants so tight that they leave no question.

 

Photo Credit: Instagram / Splash News

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Jenna Dewan Turns Up The Heat In Smoldering Hot Bikini Candids

Jenna Dewan doesn’t ever disappoint when she’s in a bikini at the beach. Her skin looks smoother than the soft sand she’s strutting across. She’s perfection in it’s purest form soaking up some sun. And I’d be delighted to make her day in whatever way possible. It wouldn’t matter if she put me on sand dusting duty. I’d make sure every grain of sand is eradicated every time that she asks to wiped down. Because sand stuck in the wrong places can be irritating. My goal would be to provide some relief.

I feel lucky just being able to look at a woman like her. I hope she allows me to help her on her quest of whatever she’s looking for on the shore. She’s already found an impressive piece of seaweed and what looks to be some decently sized seashells. Maybe she’s going to make a necklace. I consider myself to be quite crafty so I know I can be of some use. Even if I had to swim past shallow waters to find the rest of the shells she required, I would do it without a second thought. Because it’s always a no brainer when a woman in need is hotter than bare feet on sun baked concrete.

[More Stories And Photos Of The Gorgeous Gal Right Over Here]

Photo Credit: Backgrid USA

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Mila Kunis, Kate McKinnon, and All the Sexiest Actresses From ‘The Spy Who Dumped Me’ Red Carpet

This summer has seen its fair share of female-driven comedies from Ocean’s 8 and Book Club to Life of the Party and Mamma Mia 2, but the sexiest comedy of the summer is still to come. Next weekend sees the release of The Spy Who Dumped Me starring Mila Kunis and Kate McKinnon, and the film had a premiere every bit as sexy as the film itself promises to be!

Of course the co-leads looking radiant on the red carpet, with Mila stealing the show in a low cut red dress that flowed elegantly off her left side. Her Ukranian-born co-star Ivanna Sakhno also turned heads in a tuxedo that was lacking a shirt of any kind, nicely showing off some inner-cleavage.

Not everyone in attendance is in the film, though, as both Lindsey Vonn and Izabella Miko both looked absolutely devastating and they’re not even in the movie. Way to step up your game, ladies! We really appreciate it!

I don’t know if the film itself will be sexier than the red carpet at the premiere, but there’s no doubt in mind that it has the potential to be. I mean, with all of these hot women turning up to the premiere, the odds have got to be in our favor!

Photo Credit: Splash News

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Hofit Golan Shows Off Her Beautiful Busty Goodness In Beachside Candids

Hofit Golan sure looked to be doing a lot of running around at the beach. What was she trying to do, catch minnows? Even my dog could have told her that it would be a futile task. See, the light refracts through the water, so the fish are not where they seem to be…Ah, damnit, it’s too late now.

But with all of that running around I would have hoped for at least one nipple to make an appearance. Unfortunately for us, that did not happen. That swimsuit was working twice as hard as it normally does on that day. Just because a couple of boobs can fit inside, does not mean that they were intended to. I do not think any swimsuit could have been designed for the market to fit a body like Hofit’s.

There is only so much that a fabric could realistically be expected to handle, and Hofit lives on the other side of that expectation. It is like when you see a morbidly obese man wearing swim trunks. Sure, they are staying up, but you know that elastic waistband is going to go on strike at some point.

 

Photo Credit: Backgrid USA

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Chloe Meadows Itsy Bitsy Teeny Weeny Extra Curvy Yellow Bikini

Goodness gracious, great balls of Meadows! Had I known that British reality television was playing host to such talent then I might have actually put forth the little effort required to watch it.

This being the first time that I have been introduced to Chloe’s existence I am both enamored as well as apprehensive. I do not want to get too carried away with my infatuation, imagining marrying her in some Icelandic getaway, only to inevitably be let down by her personality. I am hoping she is one of the protagonists of the show, but given the amount of hair the woman has she is more likely to be an antagonist. Those are the rules, unless the woman has one of those “Can I speak to your manager” type of cuts. If she does then she immediately becomes a James Bond level villain.

But who knows, maybe Britain does not subscribe to the State’s same rules for drama. Maybe the script gets flipped and it is the nerds with glasses that are the mean ones. The nerds constantly make fun of the hot people for being stupid. I think that could work.

 

Photo Credit: MEGA

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These Photos Of Paris Hilton Guest DJing At A Verona Nightclub Are Surprisingly Hot

Paris Hilton is so hot that when she does actual work it actually looks like a staged photograph. It is almost as if she was filming a music video instead of entertaining a club. Now, that could have to do with the amount of real work that is required to be a DJ, but I am so ignorant to current technology that I am willing to give her the benefit of the doubt.

I have been trying to be more kind lately, and I think Paris is a good place to start. I found that I became fairly mean in general, and that is not great. Sure, me yelling at a person for double parking is performing a public service, but scolding a dog for barking for barking at a squirrel is a red flag.

That is why I am going to let DJ Paris spin records ‘til her heart is content and I will not say a word against it. Unless of course she samples any ABBA. That is a line that not even I can abide watching someone cross. But again, I think exceptions can be made when performing public services.

[Read About How “Self-Made” Paris Considers Herself Right Here]

Photo Credit: Splash News 

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