You ever notice that some people totally get away with bringing their dogs with them everywhere they go? I’m not talking about people who actually need a dog with them at all time, but people just walking around holding their dog? You ever notice that most of the people who can get away that are super hot like Madison Beer? Yeah, that’s pretty awesome.
Hey, if I could, I would totally take my dogs with me wherever I went, but sadly I’m not Madison Beer hot so I have to leave them at home. It’s not all bad, the dogs keep each other company. Also, Madison Beer is really hot. That kind of makes up for everything. Whenever I’m having a bad day I like to snuggle up on the couch with my dogs and check out Madison Beer being hot with her little dog. I know hotties tend to love little dogs, but I would love someone like Madison Beer to have a big ol’ dumb dog. Just a beast walking around. I would love that. That would make me love Madison Beer more than I already do.
I know most people get upset when there is a double standard, but when that double standard involves Madison Beer in a tight tank top, then I’m totally fine with it. If Madison Beer wants to wear that top and take her dog around with her, be my guest.
Photo Credit: Backgrid USA
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Alexis Ren’s jawline makes me suspect she is the product of an unholy union between Duke Nukem and one of the many bimbos that he came across during his many exploits. If this really is the case, I pray more illegitimate daughters come out of the woodwork so that we can make better use of platforms such as Instagram. Genes like his don’t come around every day, so he had better make use of them while they are here.
Alexis is the prime example of my type of woman: Attractive. I know most people tend to focus on one trait of a woman and pursue it like a zealot, but I am more open minded. I only ask that the woman have a rocking body with a perfect face. And if her face is not perfect, I hope it is at least near enough that the resolution on my laptop is not clear enough to tell a difference.
That is one area where the advancement of technology is really coming back to bite us in the ass. Sometimes I do not want to see every detail of a woman’s body. Let me maintain my unrealistic expectations for the human body.
Photo Credit: Backgrid USA / MEGA
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Weekend Bikini Roundup: Hailey Baldwin, Nicole Scherzinger, and Blanca Blanco In Skintastic Swimsuits
If it’s Monday and we’re still alive, that can mean only one thing: It’s time for the Weekend Bikini Roundup! While the freezing temperatures of fall gripped most of the U.S., there were still plenty of places to see and be seen on the beaches of the world.
Kicking things off is the newly crowned Mrs. Justin Bieber herself, Hailey Baldwin, who was rocking a teeny weeny white bikini while celebrating her first month of marital bliss. It’s a real shame that Ariana and Pete had to split and steal the spotlight away from this headline-worthy bikini.
Former Pussycat Doll Nicole Scherzinger was out on a boat in a blue bikini that nicely showed off her phenomenal figure. Hopefully she and her cohorts didn’t get any sea sickness because that’ll put an end to your sexy time faster than you can say, “Cheese it, it’s the fuzz!”
Finally, Blanca Blanco’s not doing anything to make me not think about Street Fighter in this green bikini of hers. It’s like she’s just dropped a quarter on everyone’s favorite beast of burden, and she’s not going away until she KO’s the competition. Truth be told, I’d rather have Blanca in my corner than Blanka. She seems like more of a lover than a fighter.
Hit play on the video below and enjoy the pics!
Photo Credit: Instagram / MEGA / Backgrid USA
Typically, when I think about a triple threat, I think about the worst. But on rare occasions, like this one, tripling up is actually a good thing. And when you’re talking about Lexy Panterra, Chanel Jefferies, and Anastasia Kvitko all in the same breath, I don’t mind the mention of a threat because the last thing beautiful women are is menacing. Not only is the third time a charm in this instance, but the second and first time are too. Looking at all three of these women at the same time is like looking at three winning lottery tickets. It’s rare and very appreciated.
I think there’s too many moving parts in this machine to determine which one is the hottest. Lexy’s smile is an unstoppable force that will make anyone looking at it smile as well. I know I’m grinning right now. Chantel’s seduction is similar to an immovable object. She’s so attractive that her presence lingers in any room long after she’s gone like an apparition. And Anastasia is the icing on the cake. She’s so sweet I get a sore tooth just looking at her. I’d call you crazy if you were able to pick just one from a line up that looks this good.
Photo Credit: MEGA / Backgrid USA
I am going to see an item-by-item list of all the grading criteria the great minds over at Cosmo use in order to select their so called women of the year. Until that day I will refuse to accept any of them as my own women of the year.
Don’t get me wrong, I am a big supporter of Cosmo’s work. They have been teaching inexperienced girls how to please their man for decades now, and that is something that the men who benefitted from those services will always be grateful for. But they cannot let those accomplishments carry them forever. And if they are accepting suggestions for a few new criteria, I will gladly lend a hand.
I say any woman who is in the running for woman of the year should be placed at the top of a building. A (stuffed animal) puppy would then be thrown from the rooftop. If the woman does not throw herself after what she thinks is the real puppy, then she is no longer a contender and she needs to be ostracized from society. If a woman does throw herself off and she survives, then she gets to move on to the next round. If she does not survive the fall, then she will be included as an honorable mention.
Photo Credit: Splash News
So, I don’t get a lot of modern art. It doesn’t bother me at all that some stuff in museums flies right over my head. But I do appreciate all the work and the detail that goes into art even when I don’t get it. Same goes for Ariel Winter’s cleavage. I really do appreciate Ariel Winter’s cleavage.
Buddies of mine go on and on about Ariel Winter and her cleavage. I nod along, agree with them, because I totally get it. I can see the awesomeness of Ariel Winter’s cleavage. She works hard at making it look great and that is very much appreciated. Though, I bet she doesn’t have to work all that hard, those boobs are pretty awesome on their own. She really doesn’t need to do much to make them look friggin’ sweet. But when she does, when she’s decked out in sexy clothes, Ariel Winter’s cleavage can look like the best cleavage around.
Take it from me, a leg guy, Ariel Winter has some pretty great cleavage. That’s a solid recommendation, right there. I’m not one of those guys who loves boobs so much they think all boobs are the best. Nope, not me. Ariel Winter, she’s got the cleavage of the Gods, if you ask me. Her legs aren’t half bad, either.
Photo Credit: Composure
Kendall Jenner, the last (relatively) untouched member of the Kardashian/Jenner clan, has an affinity for thongs. Thankfully, we also have an affinity for checking her out in these super hot thong th-thong thong thongs, which is why we’re taking a tour of all her very sexiest thong-clad moments!
You’ve really got to give Kendall credit for not turning into an inflated monster like her sister Kylie. It’s nice that she doesn’t care about having tits so big it looks like you’re smuggling midgets under your shirt. Not enough women are satisfied with their smaller breasts in this day and age, but they’re an absolutely essential component of any society that claims to love boobs.
Like everyone else in her family, Kendall is a master manipulator of social media, meaning that nearly all of these thong pics come directly from her Instagram account, which—truth be told—is a veritable cornucopia of hot thong pics. Man, try saying “hot thong” five times fast. Fun, right?
We love having fun and so does Kendall, so with so much in common, we should definitely get along. Honestly, so long as Kendall’s showing off her beautiful backside in handsomely appointed thongs, our future together seems very bright.
Photo Credit: Instagram
Every year millions of asses go unnoticed in the street and we can all agree that is a tragedy. But there is no longer a need to worry about missing out on even a single pair of buns so long as all women wear Erin Budina’s patented high visibility body suit. Some may claim it is not appropriate for all occasions, but I disagree.
I think we could all go for a little more flare in our lives. Think about how much more entertaining presentations at work would be if the presenter was wearing something like Erin’s. I might actually pay attention to what they are saying and know what is going on at my company.
The making of butts more visible is not just a benefit to the male eye, it is also a safety feature. If drivers are more aware of pedestrians then traffic accidents are going to be much less common. Erin is saving lives out there, but does she ask for any recognition? No.
Well, she does actually want recognition for her ass, but I still think that counts as being pretty selfless.
Photo Credit: MEGA
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What is the point of wearing cutoffs to the beach if they are only going to be tossed aside once you arrive? If it is for the sake of propriety I think Sylvie needs to up her game because I do not see cutoff jeans preserving much of anything, Does it really feel like they are covering up that much more than bikini bottoms? Being that I have never worn either, I am going to have to defer to the knowledge of the more experienced.
To me it just seems like an unnecessary item to bring along. When I go out I try to limit myself to the bare bones. I do not want not want to worry about unnecessary accessories because in all likelihood they will either be stolen or forgotten.
There are times when I go out during the winter and do not even bring a jacket because I worry that I will lose it in a bar. I know that if I just grit my teeth going to and from the car that I will be okay in a few moments. Besides, I think being cold helps slow down the aging process, so there is that as well.
Photo Credit: MEGA
After finding out that such a hot woman exists, I feel like I have been wronged my entire life by not knowing about her. I think I’m in need of some justice. Some Victoria Justice. She’s well within her jurisdiction to definitely balance out my scales. A life sentence of loving her is exactly what I’m hoping for. I deserve it. But I’d also be willing to settle for community service. If that community service meant doing duties around the house for her. I’m pretty good at hard labor. And hopefully my form when I rake her leaves looks impressive enough to her that she decides to invite me in for a glass of lemonade, and possibly to look at her colorful array of other clothing. Her teal sports bra looks immaculate. I’d politely accept her invitation and ask for her to extend my community service sentence indefinitely.
Victoria and I would make a great beach couple. I heard opposites often compliment each other, so we can be like beauty and the beast. Minus the talking candles, clocks, and teapots. I hope she’s up for falling in love with the last man she’ll ever need to meet.
Photo Credit: Splash News / Instagram
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If Emily Ratajkowski ever gives in to the high waisted jean fad I might have to smash my computer, give up society as a whole, and recede into the wilderness to live out the rest of my days as a mountain man. It should not be that hard of a transition, I pretty much have the lifestyle of a mountain man already. Aside from my complete reliance on technology I am almost completely withdrawn from human contact. The latter is about half the battle.
I would not be surprised if Emily’s agent wrote into her contract that she needs to always have her midsection on display. That would mean altered tops and low riding pants, but that almost seems reasonable. I doubt Emily would even fight the clause. She would probably wonder why they ever thought she’d want to cover it up to begin with.
When your abs are so well defined that they could have their own page in a dictionary there is no need to ever have them concealed. Even her t-shirts need to be rolled up and tied back in order to make full use of the space while she has it.
Photo Credit: Splash News / Instagram
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While the world wide web connects to people all over the world, can give us new knowledge and understand of the world, the downside is you may not have enough time to see everything you want to see. In that spirit please, take a couple of minutes and observe these very fine Jordyn Jones bikini pics from her Instagram account.
I know that some might think; “If you’ve seen one Instagram model’s account, then you’ve seen them all.” If you are that person, I feel bad for you. I can’t believe you would want to miss out on Jordyn Jones in a bikini. She’s got a very nice bikini body and it would be a real shame to miss it. Besides, you know it’s not true. Not all Instagram models are the same. I would venture to bet that there is only one Jordyn Jones on Instagram. I’m not trying to say there aren’t other people on Instagram (and other social media sites) with the same name, but there is only one Jordyn Jones who looks this sexy in a bikini. So, come on man, admit that you are just saying all that nonsense because you’re scared of missing out.
Hey, I get it, I really do, but don’t pass up the chance to see Jordyn Jones in a bikini. I may not know much of this world, but I do know Jordyn Jones in a bikini is one of the sexiest things you’re going to see this week. And that’s really saying something.
Photo Credit: Instagram / MEGA
I have never felt comfortable riding on anything when I have that much skin showing. I know the level of my coordination and reflexes and I know that combining them together only amounts to that have an oversized toddler. Riding one of those scooters on any unknown roads would be a good way to get the nickname Road Rash. I have been able to avoid that moniker this far into my life, and I hope that streak will continue.
Apparently Rena Riffel either was not cursed with my coordination, or she is overly confident in her abilities to ride a scooter. I could be blowing things out of proportion. Scooters are pretty stable when in motion and they are easy to bail from. They are not like those death traps known as hover boards.
The insurance companies must have held a party when trampolines fell out of favor with the public. So many payouts were made because kids did not have a firm understanding of fixes nor how to properly break their fall. Now the insurance companies must see hover boards as the equivalent to their second world war.
Photo Credit: MEGA
Body shots can refer to several different things. If you are a fighter then it means literally striking your opponent’s body. If you are a college student then it means drinking alcohol from a woman’s navel. But when you are a gorgeous actress it usually refers to photographs. Given the context of this site you have probably figured out which one applies here. Either of the former options are also applicable to Katrina Bowden as well, but I have no idea why she would consent to sparring, she has so much to lose if she receives a broken nose. And I doubt the body shots are anything more than a wet dream.
Katrina needs to have more than just 30 Rock and John and Tucker Vs Evil to her name. I know she has been in several other things apart from those, but since I am hard pressed to remember the names of any of them I don’t think they matter all that much. Fortunately, she started out so young that she has been around for a decade and is still only thirty. That means she has a hell of a long time to keep pumping out flicks, so chances are one might be another hit.
Photo Credit: Instagram
G’day mates! Let’s throw another shrimp on the barbie and enjoy Miss Universe Australia Tegan Martin looking stunning on the beach!
Australia’s surrounded by water, so it’s got some of the best beaches in the world. Of course, this is just one more feather in Tegan Martin’s cap as she looks right at home soaking up the sun at the beach. She’s got an orange bikini on and is looking like the pro that she is.
I wonder when Miss Universe is going to truly diversify and start welcoming beings from other planets to compete. I’m sure that Tegan Martin could stare down even the hottest women on Kremulak, but still, it’s kind of cheap to deem someone Miss Universe when they’re only competing against beings from one planet.
Get Uranus in there, mixing it up. Who knows what kind of life forms lie beyond Jupiter? Beings we want competing in future Miss Universe pageants, that’s for sure.
So, Tegan Martin, you think you’ve got what it takes to go up against the big guns? I feel like she’s got a fighting chance against the rest of the women on this planet, but I’m willing to change my mind if there’s something hotter out there.
Photo Credit: MEGA / Instagram
I have never drank out of an actual coconut before, and at this point I do not think I ever will. That is a decision that I am making for myself, and not one that someone else is making for me. I am an adult now and can make my own decisions, Mom.
The reason I do not want to drink from one is because the act has been so built up in my mind, I do not think that there is any way the real thing can live up to my own imaginings. Every paradise setting in fiction has a character drinking out of a coconut, making it seem like pure bliss, but I have never experienced that kind of emotion from a drink that did not include exorbitant amounts of alcohol.
I have had coconut milk before, but it was not the pure stuff. It had all sorts of additives, so I am sure it is way better than the real thing. Added sugar always makes things taste better. And what happens to the meat inside the coconut? Does that get thrown away, or do they crack it open and give you a spoon? If they throw it away it seems like a great waste of resources that I cannot be partnered to.
Photo Credit: MEGA
Whoa. Both Bella Hadid and Lexy Panterra in black bralets make me say bam-ba-lam. I haven’t seen anything so free spirited since the time I stared at my folk’s photo album from the 70s. But these two, I can stare at all day. I’d need a lifetime to figure out who’s hotter between the two. Unfortunately, I have only about a hundred years, give or take. So I guess I can take a stab at who’s hotter by listing the pros and cons. Maybe that’ll help. Bella’s pros are being beautiful, looking great in black, and being the owner of a big inviting smile. Cons in regards to her, don’t exist.
Lexy’s pros are an amazing shape, confidence, and eyes that can make a man fall in love with just one glance. She also doesn’t have any cons, just like Bella. Lexy is a woman without flaw. And this brings us back right to where we started. An evenly matched pair of very formidable females. Looks like they’ll have to settle this the same way anyone else who is stuck between two options, with a very serious game of rock, paper, scissors or odds and evens.
Photo Credit: Splash News / MEGA
Oversized t-shirt tucked into high-waisted jean shorts? She must be on her way to see a Smashing Pumpkins cover band. I love it when people dress the part of the era of music they are going to see. In fact, I think it should be required. They do not have to dress like the performers—if they were going to an Elvis act things could get overly expensive—but I do think an effort should be made.
Special exceptions will be made for bands that have performed for decades. Just because Slayer is still making rounds does not mean that you don’t have to wear overly ripped jeans and a sleeveless t-shirt with a wig. We are trying to keep a certain level of standards for the show. If you bring low effort then the performers might bring low effort.
I think a benefit to this policy is that it will filter out the casuals who do not care as much about the music. Shows don’t need people like that. They do need more people who can be pulled on stage and fill in for the members on any given song. Not that I want that to happen. I didn’t pay good money to see a nobody get turned into a viral video.
Photo Credit: Backgrid USA / MEGA
Seeing Elsa Hosk in these photos makes me feel like I am wandering around a modern art exhibit.
Now, I know that does not necessarily sound like a compliment, but in this case it is. The woman is a living art piece, and that is not a compliment that I throw around all lackadaisically. Well, there are times when there will be a hint of lackadaisicalness, but this is not one of those times, I assure you. The jaw dropping beauty of Elsa makes it impossible for me to give an insincere compliment.
If I had the ambition I would enroll in art school, bury myself under a mountain of debt, and become only a marginally better artist just for the chance to paint her on canvas. That way her beauty would never be lost to time, assuming there is going to be an apocalyptic event that will destroy all digital records. Thankfully I do not have that ambition, so it is a moot point. And I think we are all better off for that. There is no way that I would have been able to do her justice.
Photo Credit: Elle Magazine/ Splash News / Instagram
I think it is a warning sign to my future that I am becoming too desensitized to lady pics. Knowing that Maria Jade is an adult film star means that seeing her in a bikini is the equivalent to seeing her in a full Victorian era gown. Fortunately I still find that era to be very arousing, so it isn’t a total loss, but if it ever gets to the point where it is the equivalent to the Elizabethan period I think I am going to be in trouble.
Maybe it has something to do with how repressed everything was, while also be completely depraved, that makes it so hot. Women were unable to show any cleavage at the beach and yet there were brothels all over the place. Every city had its own red light district that would put Amsterdam to shame. I have to fight back tears when I think of how far we have fallen.
The best we can legally do in the states now is see a clothed porn star in the flesh and remember what it looks like for her to be naked. This world is ass backwards.
Photo Credit: Backgrid USA
Nicole Williams is on the top of my wanted list this year. I know it’s too early for Christmas, and I missed my other chance in July, but I still want to make sure I started my list early in an effort to not forget anything. Pretty much all I have written down so far is Nicole and a new weed wacker. Which is honestly all I need. Actually, I can live without the weed wacker if Nicole guarantees to show up to my residence in a big red bow
If I had to put my finger on my favorite part about Nicole, it would be the fact that she’s a risk taker. She’s paddleboarding in the middle of a huge body of water without fear, or a life jacket. I would like to volunteer to be her human life jacket. For safety purposes of course. I’d wrap my arms around her to make sure she doesn’t accidentally go overboard and sink. But if she did, I’d be able to save her. I’d even be up for paddling with my free hand. By the end of the day, I’d make myself so irreplaceable to her that she would have no choice but to take me home. And going home with a good looking lady like her always means great conversation on a comfortable couch. I can’t wait to connect with Williams on her couch.
Photo Credit: MEGA