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Maya Jama Sexy Bikini Body In Mismatched Thong

Getting dressed is one of the skills I have perfected over the years. But just like with anything that you’ve done on thousands of occasions, sometimes you mess up. Luckily, Maya Jama’s wardrobe mishap is more like a wonderful accident. Which is a term my dad used to describe me, but can also definitely be applied to Maya’s mismatched bikini blunder as well. I honestly have to be reminded that her top and bottom don’t match because it’s hard to look away from such an amazing body overall. Whoever noticed must have the discipline of a monk. Because all I see is one of the best looking woman I’ve seen in awhile trying to enjoy some sun, fun and waves.

I’m going to insist that Jama makes me her clothes coach. I’d wake up early at 4 a.m. every morning and start concocting a plan on how we will win attention, hearts, and eyes with wardrobe. I’d help her practice putting on her top and bottom so when it’s game time she’s ready. She’ll never have to worry again with me on her team. We’d definitely bring home the best bikini on the beach trophy everyday.

Photo Credit: MEGA 

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Real Housewife Luanna de Lesseps’s Banging Bikini Body

Luann de Lesseps was able to fulfill the fantasy of every woman’s childhood by marrying a freaking Count. I know that does not hold quite the same weight as marrying a prince, but I think the title of Countess sounds way more badass than princess. And Luann was able to continue carrying the title of Countess even after their divorce.

Luann could have kept on using that title indefinitely if she had she not chosen to get remarried. What makes that so tragic is that the second marriage ended in divorce as well! I don’t know if there is anyone out there that could make me think I am so in love with them that I’d be willing to give up the title of Count, even if the title is just a farce.

It would probably be best that I make it a policy to only marry women with titles that are greater than or equal to the previous wife’s. That way I won’t run into any of this nasty drama. I have so many countesses and duchesses chasing after me it could become a very sticky situation.

 

 

 

Photo Credit: Splash News 

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Chantel Jeffries Perfect Bikini Body And She Know It

Either it is not very warm at that beach or the soles of Chantel Jeffries’s feet are made out of leather, because she is walking over that sand like the terminator after locating its target. A true test of a man’s manhood is when he takes a woman to the beach. He has the choice to be honest about how much the hot sand hurts or he can take after Chantel and act like he hasn’t felt an emotion since his father abandoned the family when he was four years old.

The latter option is a popular choice. Not because it is easy to overcome such pain, it is just that it is easier than gaining back the respect of the woman. Once she has seen you prance around looking for the spots in the sand that might be slightly cooler she is going to know exactly the kind o man that you are. Which is to say the kind of man that won’t get out of bed to see what the sound was in the middle of the night.

“I don’t know what it was, Sara. You’re the one with the good ears. Why don’t you go check it out. The murderer could sneak up on me.”

 

 

Photo Credit: Splash News

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Ariel Winter Sheer Slip Dress Displays Her Fabulous Figure

I guess the gym is good for more than just a photo session, because all of Ariel Winter’s hard work there is clearly paying off. She is at that fit-thick point which is so hot right now.

I bet that slip is super comfortable as well. It is almost like she is wearing a more practical Snuggie, because this one won’t be falling off her shoulders, or showing her bare ass when she stands up. I’ll never make that mistake again. They say you can only lose someone’s respect once, but the look in my father’s eyes after that made it clear that I beat the odds.

I wish I had a better wardrobe that was considered both comfortable and stylish. Everything I own seems to fall on radically different ends of the fashion spectrum. I tried wearing athletic pants with a dress shirt, but people kept giving me grief over it. I wasn’t aware people were so against the employed slacker look. So rather than mixing and matching, these clothing bigots have me either looking like Mark Zuckerberg or Don Draper. But not a hot Don Draper.

 

 

[Ariel Winter’s Hottest Shots Right Here]

Photo Credit: Backgrid USA 

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A Brief Tour Of Instagram Model Celeste Bright’s Perfect Body

All right, guys, I know there is a lot to complain about in regard to Celeste Bright’s appearance, but let’s try to show some class and not lay into her too hard. At least make an attempt to be positive.

I mean, I could stand here all day and point out her glaring flaws, but I am not going to do that because I have tact. That is why I won’t point out that Celeste clearly has no idea how to pick out properly fitting clothing. The shirts she is wearing are so small they can barely conceal her boobs. And one of her swimsuit tops is so baggy the strap is falling down. Come one, Celeste, the rest of us learned how to dress ourselves by the time we were in college.

But I refuse to criticize her for that. Just as I refuse to criticize her for wearing a knitted cap in a hot tub. A lot of good that hat is going to do her in there. She is going to be sweating up a storm.

Maybe next time Celeste Bright should just let someone else take care of her wardrobe.

 

 

Photo Credit: Instagram 

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Selena Gomez Models Her Own Sexy Line Of Tights For Puma

Is Puma going for some sort of subliminal messaging by putting Selena Gomez on a literal pedestal? It seems kind of redundant of them since I am assuming most of us are already doing that.

I regret ever putting her up there, because now every woman I meet is having a damned hard time living up to her. It is no small feat to outshine someone like Selena who has accomplished so much. It doesn’t even matter that I will never meet her in my life, I am still determined to wait for her. What alternative do I have? Should really I lower my expectations and get tied down to a mildly less attractive doctor or lawyer? That would be about the same as tapping out in a fight. I can’t have it, and I won’t have it.

I do not care about whichever badboy popstar she is shacked up with now, as far as I am concerned the goods aren’t damaged yet. And until the day comes when I see her post-meth smile, I refuse to admit they ever will. That is what it will take. Meth is the hard pass for me.

 

 

Photo Credit: MEGA 

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Gigi Hadid Lays Out Her Perfect Bikini Body In Thongtastic Yacht Candids

It is smart of Gigi to go with the baseball cap as her preferred accessory for battling the sun. I know sunglasses are a bit trendier, but if she really plans on soaking up the rays on that boat then she is going to put herself in danger of getting tanlines on her face. That is the one area that everyone can agree is unacceptable.

Tanlines on the torso from a bikini can be great. It is like they are locating the critical areas for a bombing raid from a B-52 dropping loads. But what no one ever wants is for them to start showing up above the neckline.

Gigi is a model. If people start seeing her with raccoon eyes then they could make the mistake of thinking she’s been doing manual labor! I do not know of a worse rumor for a model’s reputation than that. Jane Fonda did a photo shoot in Vietnam, and even her career recovered, as evidenced by Monster-in-Law.

The only people that really need to be careful with hats are bald people. Their tanline makes them look like they recently had brain surgery. Another terrible rumor for a model.

 

[Gigi And All The Hottest Victoria’s Secret Angels Right Here]

Photo Credit: MEGA 

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Italian Stunner Francesca Brambilla’s Busty Bikini Curves In Beachside Candids

I’ve heard people always say you shouldn’t judge a book by its cover, but we all do that. If we’ve never heard of the author, we totally go by the cover or at least the title. That’s why I’m totally fine with judging, in a good way, someone by their name. And the name Francesca Brambilla has to be Italian for super hottie.

I have no idea if Francesca Brambilla’s parents knew she was going to be a freaking gorgeous model when she grew up, but I’m telling you she’s got the perfect name. If I was blind and you told me that name Francesca Brambilla, in my head I would picture Francesca Brambilla in a bikini like the one she’s got on in these pics. She’s got the perfect name to go with that perfect body. Kind of makes you wonder how all those random things had to come together to make Francesca Brambilla look as sexy as she does. The world works in mysterious ways and sometimes that mystery involves a super sexy Italian model named Francesca Brambilla.

Like, Francesca Brambilla forever has the perfect name. Even if she made it up, if that’s not her real name, I don’t care. To me, she’s Francesca Brambilla from now until the end of time. Francesca Brambilla you are a sexy hottie for the ages, that’s for sure.

 

Photo Credit: MEGA 

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Supermodel Elsa Hosk’s Red Hot Bikini Body Is Ridiculously Sexy

Elsa Hosk in a red bikini has inspired me to sing Englebert Humperdinck’s Release Me song to my last lover. The only problem is, I don’t exactly remember who was the last woman to agree to be in a relationship with me, so I’m basically singing to the wall and whoever it may concern should they overhear. Hosk is hot. And I want to make sure I’m fully available to answer should she ever call. I plan on sending a care package equipped with gifts and all of my contact information if she wants more of where it came from.

Hosk looks spicier than a bucket full of bright red hot tamale candies. Just as sweet too. I wish someone came up with the bright idea to put that in a package. But then if they did, I’d never see a free spirited Elsa out in the sun. I think things may be better this way. Beautiful women don’t belong in boxes. They belong on the beach. And Elsa is something like a Mother Teresa with her kindness. She keeps giving the gift that keeps on giving. Because I know seeing her in a bikini puts a smile on everyone’s face and sure does brighten up the day.

[Elsa Hosk’s Unquestionable Supermodel Status]

Photo Credit: Backgrid USA

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Nude Bikini Bubbles: Eiza Gonzalez, Maria Jade, And This Week’s Hottest Bikini Models Edited For Max Nude Effect

Time to squeeze in a favorite before we slide out of here for the holiday weekend, so let’s delve into our new favorite game: Nude Bikini Bubbles. This week we’ve got a couple of doozies for you and you’re going to be giving thanks for the appearance of nudity thanks to these bubblicious beauties! Ready? Steady! Here we go…

First up is Maria Jade, whose thong bikini was barely there to begin with, making her look nuder than most of her compatriots. This is a great bikini, and it looks even better when it disappears! Eiza Gonzalez is communing with nature in the second pic, and it looks like she’s doing it au naturel!

Francesca Brambilla is coming in hot at number three, though there was a lot of fabric in her bikini top. Maria Jade returns next, showing off her fit and fantastic body once again, this time with a nice front view!

Back with a vengeance, Francesca Brambilla is looking a lot nuder in pic five, thanks to the fact that this bikini has substantially less fabric than the first one! Check out another Eiza Gonzalez goodie, Hayley Hughes, and more, and have a great holiday everyone!

Photo Credit: Instagram / Backgrid USA / MEGA

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Kimberley Garner Shows Off Her Sexy Figure In Extra Tight Little Bikini

I love being able to gaze upon women’s fashion, while having the comfort of knowing I will never have to deal with it myself. Seeing Kimberley Garner’s swimsuit top makes me realize why men do not have tops for their suits. All of those strings being used are a surefire way to have me accidentally suicide myself in the hotel bathroom before I even make it to the beach.

Even in the days when men’s swimsuits came with shirts the makers made sure to have them attached to the shorts. It was like an adult onesie. There was no risk of losing either item, and certainly no chance of strangling yourself.

Or maybe I should say there was no increased chance of strangling yourself. There is still the chance that some fisherman would snag your collar with his hook and reel you in thinking you were the catch of a lifetime. But that could have still happened if you were wearing a normal shirt.

Not all freak accidents can be prevented by improvements in fashion. For example, men still have to deal with the netting of modern swimsuits causing unbelievable itching when sitting down for more than ten minutes.

 

[Kimberley Garner’s Very Sexiest Stories Right Over Here]

Photo Credit: MEGA 

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Tiny Bikini Aubrey Evans Pumps Her Hot Rod And Shows Her Hot Bod

There are two things that have always caught my attention since I was old enough to tie my own shoes. And that is hot cars and hot women. When the two come together it is the most holiest of matrimonies. Aubrey Evans looks nothing less than angelic sitting in the driver’s seat of a hot rod. Times like these is what makes me wish had I taken up training in the gas attendant arts. I’d place my hose in her tank properly, ensuring zero drippage as I fill her up. I know a hot lady like her could use a helping hand and I’m all too willing to give her one.

It’s safe to assume that Aubrey is my dream woman. I swear I had a poster of a hot lady in a hot rod in a similar position and outfit. Right now, everything about her is speaking to my inner child. I think I would like to get a closer look just so I can hear her better. I have a box full of cassette tapes if she’s looking for a road-trip buddy. I can be the one to get out and buy a bottle of soda and chips every 75 miles. After eyeing that hot bod and hot rod, I think my purpose in life has always been to make Aubrey’s life more convenient. It’s unquestionably my calling.

[Go See Her Sexiness In A Lace Bra]

Photo Credit: Backgrid USA 

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Blonde Bikini Girl Alysia Kaempf Flaunts Her Perfect Body In Curvy Photos

Alysia Kaempf can feel free to crash my party anytime. Because it really isn’t a party until she shows up. I don’t throw too many shin digs these days because there really isn’t too much to celebrate when you’re living out in the sticks. But after seeing the body that Alysia is working with, it’s officially time to break out the balloons. Maybe even some confetti and a couple of party time caps. I hope she likes to boogie on the beach because I plan on bringing some amazing tunes.

It may be impossible to find a woman that’s steamier than Kaempf. She’s hotter than an overheated radiator completely deprived of coolant. I’m pretty sure that’s the reason why she’s chugging down so much water and sitting on the edge of the ocean. With a hot chassis like that, she has to constantly keep cool or risk a meltdown. I want to be her water-boy. I’d make sure she’d never need to ask for a refill as long as I’m around. I’d even bring a portable fan along just incase the breeze slows down. And if the batteries ran out I’d blow until I turned blue. Anything to keep her happy.

 

Photo Credit: Backgrid USA 

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Kara Del Toro Is A Bikini Goddess

Is it possible for a model to trademark a pose? I feel like Kara Del Toro has the “bend and lean with one arm resting on one leg” look down pat. She probably has a more succinct term to describe it, but that is the best I got aside from “boner material”.

Maybe it isn’t necessary for Kara to trademark the look. She looks so perfect doing it that she probably scares away any other model from trying it. No one wants to be compared to perfection if they cannot cause people to question their original notion of what perfection is. You don’t see many people voluntarily comparing themselves to Bert Reynolds, the peak of male perfection. They’d be laughed out of the room and have to live as a hermit in the Philippines.

How Kara manages to get that belly dimple when she bends has me questioning her physiology. In a normal body that would cause at least a couple of wrinkles to form, but her skin is as smooth as a dolphin. It just has some divots. Maybe she did what Marilyn Manson didn’t have the guts to do and actually got a rib removed.

 

 

Photo Credit: Instagram 

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Emily Ratajkowski Might Have Won Halloween 2018 With Her Pefect Peleolithic Physique

If Cavewomen actually looked as sexy as Emily Ratajkowski I no longer have to wonder how people managed to survive such terrible living conditions. With goods as precious as that to protect I would be willing to face any threat. It doesn’t matter if I had to take down a sabretooth tiger or live in a cave without and HVAC system. The latter of which I would rather die than face again, but for her I would have to push through.

Ensuring that she lives long enough to pass on her genes to the rest of the human race is an honorable mission in life. It is a hell of a lot more honorable than what I have been living for so far. For some reason paying off debt seems to lose its romanticism in comparison.

My knowledge of animal pelts is a little rusty so I am having trouble placing which kind Emily is wearing. Hopefully it comes from a real animal that she killed herself solely for this costume, and is not some faux lookalike. I prefer authenticity in costumes that will only be worn once.

 

[EmRata’s Hottest Stories Are Just One Click Away]

Photo Credit: Backgrid USA 

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Bikini Girl Zoe Salmon’s Hard Nipple Beachside Candids

I would appreciate it if Zoe Salmon would finally give up on her obsession with having the fittest tummy in the business. It gets to a point where it just makes the rest of us feel guilty. I do not want to know what a belly can look like if it is properly nourished and exercised. I would rather think that our natural shape is supposed to look like we are smuggling bowling balls everywhere we go.

Seeing Zoe proudly displaying her abdominals while she runs through the water makes me think I should be doing more. I mean, I think that for a very brief time, then I move on to thinking about which leftovers I am going to heat up for dinner. Because if there is one thing that can make you content with the state of your body it is reminding yourself why you don’t go the extra mile. Just like a soldier fighting a war taking place half a world away, we need to be reminded what we are fighting for. I am not going to let a moment of weakness make me give up the good fight.

 

 

Photo Credit: MEGA 

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Dua Lipa and Karlie Kloss Modeling Incredible Yoga Tights

I wasn’t aware that yoga pants needed models in order to sell them. Every other woman on the street wears the damn things, it doesn’t seem to me the kind of product that needs much more publicity.

On the other hands, the lack of advertising of yoga pants would mean we’d never get to enjoy these pictures of Dua Lipa and Karlie Kloss looking hot as hell modeling the latest in yoga fashion. Notice how the yoga pants comfortable hug Dua Lipa’s dua lipas. I kid, I kid.

But seriously though, you guys get a load of that toe. There’s always plenty of toe to go around in a yoga pants photoshoot, and I’m glad this one didn’t skimp on the toe. The toe is a crucial, and often overlooked element of a great yoga pant, and it looks as though these ladies have got the toe front and center. Or I guess front and a bit below center.

So yeah, make sure your yoga pants nicely contour with your lower lips and always ensure your ass looks fantastic in them, and you’re all set. I think the world has this figured out by now, but this is a handy pictorial guide in case it doesn’t. Just do this.

Photo Credit: MEGA / Splash News 

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Model Alessandra Ambrosio Showcases Her Pilates Body In Early Morning Class Candids

Pilates keeps you fit and trim and it’s obviously the preferred method of getting into the swing of things for the absolutely astounding Alessandra Ambrosio. I wonder if she prefers Pilates to yoga, or if she does them both. She seems like she could go both ways.

I imagine there are Pilates snobs just like there’s yoga snobs, right? I mean, every activity has its snobs, but I would hope that Alessandra Ambrosio isn’t one of those snobs. She probably just really likes the way she feels after a nice Pilates sesh.

Also, why does it keep making me capitalize Pilates? Is it based on someone’s name? I would guess so. Joe Pilates, maybe. “Hey, how you doin’, Joe Pilates, nice to meet ya!” So this is why I should look things up before making a joke. According to Wikipedia

Pilates is a physical fitness system developed in the early 20th century by Joseph Pilates, after whom it was named.

So laugh all you like, but there really was a Joe Pilates and he really did think it was nice to meet you. Don’t you look foolish now?

[The Sexiest Bikini Hot Shots Right Over Here]

Photo Credit: Backgrid USA 

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EmRata Really Might Have The Best Model Stomach

If Emily Ratajkowski ever gives in to the high waisted jean fad I might have to smash my computer, give up society as a whole, and recede into the wilderness to live out the rest of my days as a mountain man. It should not be that hard of a transition, I pretty much have the lifestyle of a mountain man already. Aside from my complete reliance on technology I am almost completely withdrawn from human contact. The latter is about half the battle.

I would not be surprised if Emily’s agent wrote into her contract that she needs to always have her midsection on display. That would mean altered tops and low riding pants, but that almost seems reasonable. I doubt Emily would even fight the clause. She would probably wonder why they ever thought she’d want to cover it up to begin with.

When your abs are so well defined that they could have their own page in a dictionary there is no need to ever have them concealed. Even her t-shirts need to be rolled up and tied back in order to make full use of the space while she has it.

 

[Hot Sexy Photos From EmRata Over At TMZ]

Photo Credit: Splash News / Instagram 

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Claudia Romani Does Sexy Poses In Totally See-Through Outfit

Every once in a while I hear someone say “dress to be seen” and for the longest time I’ve had no idea what they are talking about. But today, I think I get it. I’m looking at Claudia Romani wearing a see-through outfit and she is really dressed to be seen. I totally get what all those crazy people for saying.

There is no way you aren’t going to see Claudia Romani in a see-through outfit. You can’t look away, no matter how hard you try. Now, I can’t think of a single reason why anyone would want to look away from Claudia Romani wearing in see-through clothing. The only thing I can think of is you are pretending that don’t want to look at it because of your present company. If that’s the case, get some new friends. Everyone needs to look at Claudia Romani being sexy in see-through clothes. She wore those clothes so we would look and we would love it. It would be rude not to look, at least that’s what I think. Claudia Romani in see-through is meant to be seen, my friends.

I’m not going to start dressing in see-through because nobody wants to see that. I’ll leave the see-through outfits to Claudia Romani. She really knows how to make them look sexy as hell.

Photo Credit: MEGA / Backgrid USA 

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Happy Birthday: Let’s Take A Tour Of ’30 Rock’ Actress Katrina Bowden’s Sexiest Body Shots

Body shots can refer to several different things. If you are a fighter then it means literally striking your opponent’s body. If you are a college student then it means drinking alcohol from a woman’s navel. But when you are a gorgeous actress it usually refers to photographs. Given the context of this site you have probably figured out which one applies here. Either of the former options are also applicable to Katrina Bowden as well, but I have no idea why she would consent to sparring, she has so much to lose if she receives a broken nose. And I doubt the body shots are anything more than a wet dream.

Katrina needs to have more than just 30 Rock and John and Tucker Vs Evil to her name. I know she has been in several other things apart from those, but since I am hard pressed to remember the names of any of them I don’t think they matter all that much. Fortunately, she started out so young that she has been around for a decade and is still only thirty. That means she has a hell of a long time to keep pumping out flicks, so chances are one might be another hit.

 

Photo Credit: Instagram 

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Maria Jade Tans Her Gorgeous Bikini Body In Miami

Often worry about seeing a porn star in real life. I have heard some of them say that men often stare at them without fully recognizing them. They think they know them, but cannot quite place from where. Then they are forced to work through their mental rolodex, trying to find the connection. Some do not figure it out until it is too late.

Those poor saps are usually with their girlfriends or wives. They walk up to the gorgeous lady and ask if they went to school together, or if they worked at the same company. If the porn star has a heart, she will agree. If she doesn’t, she will ruin that poor soul’s day. I don’t blame her for it. If I was a porn star I imagine there would be some fun to it.

I just know that I would be the guy who doesn’t recognize her until after I tell my girlfriend I know her from somewhere. I have tried to train myself into not thinking out loud like that because it has gotten me into trouble before, but I have yet to get it fully under control.

 

Photo Credit: MEGA 

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Naomi Watts Keeps It Tight In Surprisingly Sexy Yoga Studio Candids

Naomi Watts is one hot lady! If you look at her in Tank Girl, though actually don’t do that, she allegedly abhors that movie. Look at her in Mulholland Dr, instead. She’s naked in that one too, which is nice…

Look at her in that movie and then look at her now… It’s not that far off. She’s got amazing genes and she helps them along with a little yoga.

That Naomi Watts is into yoga isn’t surprising. All those skinny women love yoga. It’s a thing skinny women love almost as much as they love wine.

Naomi Watts may well be the queen of this yoga studio for all I know, but she’s certainly making it work like a queen. YAS QUEEN! That’s what the kids say, right?

Don’t patronize me “Nice” guy. I don’t need that right now. I’m struggling really hard to connect with the kids and they told me that when all else fails, attempt to talk to them on their level.

I thought I was being hip and with it, but it turns out I was being a square. I think we all learned something today. We all learned that Naomi Watts is the queen of her yoga studio and a timeless being who doesn’t age due to a deal made with one of several netherworld gods or goddesses.

[A Whole Lot More Sexiness From Naomi Watts]

Photo Credit: MEGA 

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AnnaLynne McCord’s Fit Tummy On Display In Workout Tights

I still remember the first time I saw AnnaLynne McCord’s face. It was in a promo for Nip/Tuck. At that time I thought she was the most beautiful creature I had ever seen, apart from Elvis, but that one wasn’t sexual. If we are being truthful, who doesn’t find that big ol’ hunk of manmeat attractive? If I am being truthful, I still am not sure if Nip Tuck is the name of a character on the show. I never watched. I have no plans on watching it. And I am happy believing that it is, so why upset the status quo?

Now, I did say that I thought AnnaLynne was the most beautiful creature that I had ever seen. Now she is among the most beautiful creatures that I have ever seen, This does not reflect poorly on her, it is the simple matter of their being much more competition than there was back then. AnnaLynne has aged remarkably over the last decade, and she will continue to hold a special place in pants for the rest of my days. I respect her so much that I was willing to spell her name correctly, instead of breaking it up into two names as it rightfully should.

 

Photo Credit: Backgrid USA

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Check Out Lana Del Rey’s Sexy Body In These Boat Vacation Candids

Lana Del Babe has got that summertime radness going on right now. Living it up in her all white outfit, soaking up the sun, and enjoying somebody’s boat. I do not know if it is hers or not, but it doesn’t really matter. Actually, it is even better for her if it is not hers, because then she is not on the hook for the bill. Not that she cannot afford it, but saving money is saving money. I don’t care who you are, that always feels good.

If there was one piece of advice that I could give to my younger self, it would be make friends with a boat owner instead of being an antisocial piece of crap. My standard of living would have skyrocketed overnight.

Women flock to boats just like they do to a bar that is giving out free shots. It does not matter what liquor it is, the same way it does not matter how nice the boat is, because it is going to give them an excuse to act crazy regardless. And when you are the friend of the owner of the boat, you could be the guy they get crazy on.

 

Photo Credit: Backgrid USA

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Who’s Hotter: Hot Heidis Bikini Body Edition with Heidi Pratt and Heidi Klum

So, how do you like your Heidis? Do you prefer them all natural with little to no enhancements like Heidi Klum or do you like ’em blown up to gargantuan proportions like Heidi Pratt?

That’s the fundamental question at play here in this battle of the Heidis. I know some guys go in for fake breasts and face lifts, making them inclined to lean toward Heidi Pratt, but I’ve never gone in for any of that kind of stuff. For a woman in her mid-40s, Heidi Klum has still got it going on, and any work she may have had done is pretty spectacularly hidden from view.

It’s weird to think that Heidi Pratt is a full decade and a half younger than Heidi Klum, but has had substantially more work done to her body and face than her older counterpart. I’m not saying that surgery is bad, and Heidi Pratt has gone out of her way to correct some of the comically bad work she had done in her heyday, but she still looks oddly synthetic to me. I expect to be called all manner of terrible things in the comments section for even pointing this out.

[Heidi Klum’s Sexiest Photos Right Here]

[Heidi Pratt’s Best Pics And Stories Over Here]

Photo Credit: MEGA / Splash News

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These Padma Lakshmi Curvy Bikini Candids Are Exactly What Your Day Needs

Am I the only person on earth who sees the name Padma Lakshmi written down and immediately think of Padmé from Star Wars? Probably, I’m just that big of a geek. And I don’t even like the prequels that much. Nevertheless, there’s no need to think of the prequels when Ms. Lakshmi is looking absolutely gorgeous in these bikini pics.

The former Mrs. Salman Rushdie was out on a yacht enjoying the lovely weather and showing off her ample bikini bod, and frankly it would’ve been a crime for us not to bring you the photographic evidence. The Top Chef host was more like Bottom Chef while showing off her sexy, wedgied backside climbing back onto the boat after a refreshing dip, amirite?

So, whether or not her name makes you think of the Star Wars prequels, it’s safe to say that she’s substantially hotter than anything in those films. I’d love to have Padma over sometime to criticize my cooking and then go for a dip in my pool. Now, if only I had a pool… or any sort of substantial cooking abilities and I’d be on my way to making this fantasy a reality!

[Her Hottest Pics And Stories From TMZ]
Photo Credit: Backgrid USA

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Heidi Klum Shows Off Her Model Body Lounging By The Pool In A Tiny Bikini

A supermodel’s work is never done, and no one personifies that axiom better than Heidi Klum. Over the years, Heidi has been married, had kids, and—as we all must do—aged. Yet, it’s not stopped her from staying in 100% supermodel shape throughout the years, and to look at her now is to see a woman who has been vigilant in staying in fighting shape.

It’s a hard road, and I’m sure no one knows that better than Heidi. However, she’s made it look easy, peasy, lemon squeezy. These bikini candids show off a woman who, at 45 years of age, has proven conclusively that age is nothing but a number.

Now, make no mistake about it, there’s probably an army of assistants and trainers helping her keep that body in business, but Heidi’s got the time and the money to do that, so why begrudge her? If she had all of those resources at her disposal and looked like Helga She-Beast of the Gulag, then maybe we could rag on her, but I think she knows that it takes a village to keep her in business, and I’m glad Heidi Klum has such a village at her fingertips. Rock on with your bad self, Heidi Klum!

[Heidi Klum’s Sexiest Photos And Stories Right Over Here!]

Photo Credit: Backgrid USA 

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Let’s Catch Up With All Of Rebecca Black’s Sexiest Swimsuit Shots

If Rebecca Black keeps spamming the internet with swimsuit pics she might be able to escape the own shadow that she created with her singing career, which most people would be damned to remain in forever. But I guess the hard part is already done. Breaking into the scene is something that most people never manage to do, all she needs is a little rebranding, like asbestos or Johnny Depp. That dude was able to break away from his teen heart throb past like a champ. I still look back on that and am impressed. Nowadays it is like people only look back on his life to 2003, everything before that must have been a different guy.

It is a good thing that Rebecca established herself when she did, because the swimsuit modeling market is getting dangerously close to becoming oversaturated. Granted, that is a very desirable problem to have. I hate imagining what our society would look like if there was a shortage. It would be like a new dustbowl. Everybody would be packing up their homes and flocking to beaches in search of bikinis. I mean, they would be doing that in even greater numbers than they currently do.

 

[More Photos From TMZ Right Here]

Photo Credit: Instagram 

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Taylor Swift Showcases Her Sexy Legs Out In NYC

I am glad that there has not been a controversy involving Taylor Swift recently. I guess I should say there is not a controversy that I am aware of, and that ignorance has been implemented intentionally. It all has become like white noise in the background, and I could not be happier. I am now free to appreciate the long limbs of this songbird in all of her silky smooth glory. I feel like a soldier who has spent the majority of his career at war. During those brief moments without conflict I am free to appreciate the fruits of my labor.

Granted, I have not labored much over Taylor Swift, so that really is not an entirely accurate comparison to make, but since I took the time to write it down I feel compelled to stand by it.

I wonder how many conflicts have popped up in the world for similar reasons. It being easier to stand by a mistake than correct has got to be a rather common occurrence. If I spent months creating the fifth sequel of a dinosaur movie franchise I would probably resist the urge to admit I made a mistake.

 

[Click Here For Taylor Swift’s Squad Photos]

Photo Credit: Backgrid USA

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