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Ariana Grande Looks As Exhausted As She Does Sexy After 4 Hours In The Dance Studio

I may have enough jazzercise workout VHS tapes to lure Ariana Grande to my house. It’s not that I dislike exercising in public, but people often forget the extra amount of effort it takes to get there and leave. It takes time and gas. Also I pass about five donut shops and a McDonalds on the way to a dance studio, gym, or park. That’s too much temptation. There’s only so many times you can say “get behind me Satan” before you’ve relapsed and your face is stuffed with doughnut number 11 of 12 from a dozen that you’ve almost finished in one sitting all by yourself on the way to workout.

Just look at Ariana. She looks pooped. If she had come to my house I could have lent her an extra leotard and we could have worked out right in my living room. I’d even offer her the guest air mattress to sleep over so she doesn’t have to worry about her legs giving out on the drive home. I believe in not making exercise harder than it needs to be. Hopefully Ariana is up for it. I’m even a Youtube certified yoga instructor. I can really get behind her and help her nail her downward facing down form. She’ll get the workout she deserves whenever she’s with me.

 

 

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Kimberley Garner Proves She Has The Perfect Body In Beach Workout Candids

While I don’t believe for a moment that this was some “impromptu beach workout,” I have to say that it ultimately doesn’t matter because any chance we get to see Kimberley Garner working out that incredibly hot body of hers is one worth taking.

I could care less that this was obviously a publicity stunt of some sort, likely orchestrated by one or more of Kimberley’s representatives, but good on them for making sure everyone knows that their client has got the goods and then some. In fact, they should be applauded for putting this whole charade together because it’s one of the sexiest displays of human ability I’ve seen in my life.

Whenever Apple or some other major company pulls off a marketing coup, they’re lauded and applauded for years after—hell, people are still talking about that 1984 Apple Super Bowl ad. I think that Kimberley Garner and her people deserve just as much reverence for putting something this earth-shattering and memorable—not to mention dead sexy—together.

So stuff your sorries in a sack, mister and get with the times. Just enjoy Kimberley Garner in a thong bikini working out at the beach and stop wondering about the logistical side of the whole thing. You’ll live a much happier life, guaranteed.

Photo Credit: Backgrid USA 

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Tinashe Showcases Her Sexy Flat Stomach Out In West Hollywood

As a self-proclaimed expert in self-protection, I cannot emphasize strongly enough how a poor a choice it is to use a giant red bag to carry your valuables in. Tinashe is basically yelling a challenge to everyone in the vicinity to come and snatch it from her. It is like a matador shaking his cape. I understand that she has the fit body of a dancer, but I doubt she can throw enough high kicks around to knock out every attacker on the block.

I recommend not even using a purse to carry your belongings around. A brown paper bag serves well enough to do the job, plus it’s better for the environment. The only downside is that someone might steal the paper bag thinking it contains delicious groceries. You can avoid that by writing “Health Food Store” on the outside of it.

Personally, I carry around my belongings in a dog poop bag. Only the most perverted of people would think to steal that from a person’s hands. The only downside to this option is that occasionally a store clerk will refuse to take my money because they saw me remove it from the bag. Even me trying to force them to smell the dollar doesn’t do any good.

 

 

 

 

Photo Credit: Backgrid USA 

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Kelly Ripa Smolders In White Hot Bikini Candids

If you only ever see Kelly Ripa under the hot lights of her daytime talk show, you might forget that she’s got a smoking hot fit body underneath those flowing kimonos or whatever the hell else she’s wearing on that show. Kelly’s keeping her body in business well into middle age, and you’ve got to respect any woman who can dedicate herself to looking this good long past her prime.

I’d chalk that up to her being a Jersey girl. Jersey girls are just made differently, I don’t know what it is, but they’ve got that “never say never” attitude that makes them so endearing. You’ve got to fight to get your voice heard in a Jersey household, so it clearly gave her the confidence to go out there and conquer daytime television.

So the next time you’re home sick and you come across Kelly’s talk show, come on back to this gallery and get a reminder of how hot she is when she’s not posing in expensive clothes next to certified boner-killer Ryan Seacrest. Honestly, if you’re pushing fifty and still keeping your body in thong-bikini shape, you deserve a standing ovation. Here’s to you, Kelly Ripa, for making it work and keeping it working for all these years. Jersey strong!

Photo Credit: Backgrid USA 

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Jasmin Walia Cleavage In A Busty, Shimmery Gown

Pea soup green never looked so good. On a semi-related note, I am not sure why pea soup is still a thing. I understand why it was once a thing, I just don’t understand why anyone is still eating it.

It was probably created when people’s access to goods was much more limited, and there came a time when the pantry was empty aside from a bunch of peas. So, they did what people do best and ate the hell out of it. It probably tasted pretty good, all things considered. But that is where it should have ended. Once our food worries could be remedied by a quick trip to the store, no one should have been subjected to that sorry excuse for a soup ever again. And I sure as hell should not be offered it for quadruple the price at a restaurant.

I do not want to be reminded of how good I have things by being told how bad things used to be. I want to be told how good things can be by being shown the good things that are still out there. That is why I choose to look at pictures of Jasmin Walia instead of any of my exes.

 

 

 

Photo Credit: Backgrid USA / Splash News

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Ada Nicodemou Sideboob Freckle In Mismatched Bikini Candids

Ada Nicodemou isn’t easy to say. I’m pretty sure I’ve never said Ada Nicodemou correctly and I do feel bad about that. In order to make myself feel better, I’m going to try and say her name while staring at sideboob freckle. It’s just the cutest damn thing I’ve ever seen.

I wonder if Ada Nicodemou has any matching freckles? Like on a part of her boob we can’t see or maybe one on her rear end. I’m telling you, I just love a girl with freckles. Always have, always will. It doesn’t matter if they have a lot or just one on their sideboob like Ada Nicodemou, if they have freckles, I love them even more. I will say I think Ada Nicodemou’s sideboob freckle might be my favorite freckle of all time. That is unless she has another somewhere that’s cuter. I don’t know if that is possible, but we’ll never know until we see it. If there is another freckle that is.

I bet Ada Nicodemou is used to people getting her name wrong. It’s hard when you got a name like Ada Nicodemou. At least she’s nice enough to show off her cleavage and freckled sideboob even though a lot of us say her name wrong. That’s a really nice gesture, Ada Nicodemou. I hope I said that right.

 

Photo Credit: MEGA 

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Alexis Ren Busty Cleavage In A Lusty Little Top

This is big. I think Alexis Ren is trying to seduce me. Why else would she be posting half naked pictures online for all the world to see? I mean, I am part of the world, so she would have to know that I was going to see them.

It is just like when an ex starts posting pictures on social media with her new significant other. What she is really trying to do is make me jealous. People do not just move on with their lives and do things without considering how I might react to it. That is why whenever I see a photo of an ex online I am reminded of how obsessed they are with me.

Alexis Ren has never even met me and yet it is clear that she is obsessed. She even got her friend to take pictures of her while she is barely wearing anything at all. If that does not say, “I want you,” then I guess I do not know women as well as I thought I did. You might as well forget all of the golden advice I have provided in regards to the mind of a woman.

 

 

 

Photo Credit: Instagram 

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Vogue Williams Dynamite Bikini Body In Curvy Candids

I don’t know who Vogue Williams is, and having just written an article about Serena Williams, I’m tempted to say that they’re related. Doesn’t Serena have a sister with a first name that’s also the name of a magazine? I could just be confused. It wouldn’t be the first time and it sure as shit won’t be the last.

Vogue Williams is a person. She is a female person and she has sexy female parts. She puts those parts into skimpy swimwear and then parades them around for everyone to see. I understand that such a string of sentences could apply to a large number of people, but today it just applies to Vogue Williams.

Vogue Williams grew up under the tutelage of Anna Wintour, who named her after the magazine she edited, and the rest is history. The only problem is that none of that is correct. Well, the stuff about her being female and having parts, that was all true, but the rest was nothing more than a bunch of good old fashioned hogwash.

So remember the facts: Vogue Williams is a woman, with woman parts, and she’s sexy. And so are her parts. As you can see.

Photo Credit: Backgrid USA / Getty Images / Splash News 

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The Sexiest Stuff From Tim Tebow’s New Fiance, Former Miss Universe Demi-Leigh Nel-Peters

Good on the Tim-ster for locking that hottie down. I am so happy for him right now, as I get for any man who manages to snag himself a babe. Despite all of that, I could still do without him being in these photos. Just because he constitutes one half of this engagement does not mean he gets to turn the engagement photos into a total sausage fest.

No one cares what the guy looks like who is getting married, so I don’t see why he needs to waste his Saturday getting pictures taken. Just let the girl go off and get the romantic shots that she wants while you stay home and drink. In my opinion, that would be a good way to start your marriage off right. It tells me that you each care about the other’s happiness. How could that not be a good omen?

It is a fact that the more time you spend around someone, the higher the chances get that you will hate them. Think about it. Most of the people you hate are people you have met. So if you barely spend time around your spouse then you will probably stay married for the rest of your lives.

 

 

 

Photo Credit: Instagram / Twitter 

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Karrueche Tran Hard Pokies And Sexy Model Bod

Listen, I gotta tell you guys something, I love going to the beach on a windy day. I know there are sand flies everywhere and you gotta hold onto your stuff, but the wind often brings a chill. And that chill, well, that brings out the pokies. You gotta admit seeing Karrueche Tran’s pokies would make for a great day at the beach.

But if you hate the wind because of all the havoc it can cause, no sweat because here are some awesome pics of Karrueche Tran and her pokies. I don’t really know if it was super windy that day at the beach, but that’s where my head went. Well, that and to the thoughts of how awesome a cool breeze on the beach can really be. Plus, Karrueche Tran’s one piece isn’t much of a one piece is you know what I mean. I’m saying Karrueche Tran is showing off a lot for wearing more fabric than bikini. Then again, I don’t really know if there is anything Karrueche Tran would wear that wouldn’t show off her super sexy body.

Hate the wind all you want, but without it, we wouldn’t have Karrueche Tran’s pokies. Well, I guess it could also be the water. The water could be cold, but I hate cold water at the beach, except when it gives us Karrueche Tran pokies.

 

Photo Credit: Splash News / Backgrid USA / MEGA 

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Model Fern McCann Poses On The Beach In Skintastic Bikini Shots

These bikini shots are beautiful and all, but I can’t help but wish there was a little more. What has really been missing from my life is a glamour shot of Fern’s gully. And unlike in the movie of its namesake, I wouldn’t be heartbroken if some loggers were to come along and deforest the area.

Some places are a little more welcoming when the shrubbery has been pruned. I feel the same way when I go to the beachfront. I don’t want a bunch of reeds sprouting up from the ground. I can’t lie down on them, and if I walk without shoes then they give me papercuts between my toes. And that has got to be among the top five worst places to get papercuts. The first obviously being in my own gully.

The beach that Fern McCann is at seems to be properly maintained, though, so her feet are probably in the clear. As she prances around she’ll have no worries about papercuts, syringe pricks, or diaper stomps. It truly is a glamorous life that some people live. Maybe someday I’ll get to visit a beach like that.

 

 

 

Photo Credit: Backgrid USA / Splash News 

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Meet The Model Behind The Meme, Kellen Cuthbert and Her Golden Globes FIJI Stunt

There was one lady that everyone was talking about after the Golden Globes, and no, it wasn’t Jamie Lee Curtis looking like she was auditioning to star as the villain in a dystopian YA movie…

No, it was Kellen Cuthbert, aka the Fiji Water girl who happily photobombed celebrities throughout the evening while offering up some delicious Fiji Water to slake their red carpet thirst.

Kellen is quite the hottie and managed to upstage such beauties as Amy Adams, Emmy Rossum, Lili Reinhart, Kristin Cavallari, Kaley Cuoco, Heidi Klum, Alyssa Milano, and yes, even the aforementioned Jamie Lee Curtis, who was apparently none too happy that Kellen upstaged her Activia eating ass.

I definitely like anyone that takes pleasure in their work, and Kellen is clearly someone who relishes stealing the spotlight from celebrities. Good on her, those dusty old hags have gotten enough publicity already. Make way for some new blood, and also quench your Golden Globes sized thirst with a cool, refreshing Fiji Water.

Photo Credit: Getty Images / MEGA / Backgrid USA 

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Alessandra Ambrosio Curvy Model Shots In A Nude Swimsuit

If you squint with the just the right degree of openness, you can look at these pictures of Alessandra Ambrosio in a nude colored swimsuit and it will look like she herself is nude. You’ve really got to perfect the degree of squintiness—I find that somewhere around 60/40 open/closed is ideal—but once you get it right, you’ll never be able to look at these pictures of Alessandra Ambrosio the same way ever again.

Granted you can’t see nipples, but the right amount of squint will make it so that that doesn’t matter anymore. I just sort of chalk it up to the squinting, but you can certainly pretend that you can see her nipples. Or you can pretend that she’s got those nipples that are the same color as the rest of her breast. That’s a pretty decent mind trick.

So keep working on your squint and before you know it, you’ll be thinking Alessandra Ambrosio is nude. Yes, in the technical sense, she is nude because she’s wearing a nude swimsuit, but you know what I mean. Keep practicing and before you know it, you’ll be seeing the magic as well. Think of it as one of those Magic Eye things from the 90s.

Photo Credit: Backgrid USA 

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Rebecca Scott Dynamite Tanned Bikini Curves Are Perfectly Showcased In White

Having an appreciation for beautiful things, I can stare for hours at something. Looking over every detail, looking for something I’ve never seen before, and just loving the overall image. Now, I’m not talking about paintings on a wall or anything, I’m talking about the art of wearing a bikini. Let me tell you, few make it more beautiful than Rebecca Scott.

I’m not knocking art here, paintings and sculptures and all that business, I know those artists work really hard at their work, but look Rebecca Scott in that bikini. I don’t know if she had to work all that hard because she is really damn hot, but you don’t know that. She could have spent hours and hours in the bikini store trying bikini after bikini until she found the one that showed off her curves the best. Plus, she might have had to find a bikini color that looked the best with her tan. Rebecca Scott may have put in more work than someone painting a picture of a field of corn is all I’m saying.

Some people love art, some people love Rebecca Scott in a bikini, and most people say Rebecca Scott in a bikini is art. I’d bet you that people who love art also tend to love Rebecca Scott in a bikini. And if they don’t, something is wrong with them.

 

Photo Credit: Instagram / MEGA / Backgrid USA 

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Rosie Huntington-Whiteley Red Hot New Bikini Pics

I don’t blame Rosie Huntington-Whiteley for looking down as she walks up those submerged steps. I have played the fool many times by being overconfident in my stepping abilities, only to bang my toes on the edge. For some reason, having it happen under water makes it hurt even more. Even the smallest bump is on the same level of pain as stepping on a lego. Maybe that has something to do with the confusion of not knowing where the pain is coming from at first.

At least it looks like the water Rosie is getting out of is clean. She can actually see the floor. Even if I was looking into the water that I normally swim in I wouldn’t be able to see anything. It’s usually so murky that I have to assume eels and piranhas are beneath the surface, rather than confirming them by sight.

The moral of the story is that you should never be too sure of your footing when walking in water. No one looks sexy when they are clutching one foot in pain while floating in the water. You naturally end up in the fetal position.

 

 

Photo Credit: Instagram / Splash News 

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Madison Beer Extra Sexy Model Figure In Tight Top

Why did she have to pick this day of all days to wear the high-waisted sweats? She could have chosen to wear them when she had on the over-sized t-shirt or sport’s jersey, but no. Instead she chose to wear them while also wearing the worlds smallest t-shirt.

What is the point in even having a tummy that tight if you are only going to cover it up with pants? She might as well start eating pork rinds and drinking milk shakes if she is going to keep it on lockdown.

Teenagers have been rebelling against high-waisted pants for decades now. That is why we started sagging our pants so low. And now Madison Beer has decided to start waving the white flag and give in to convention. She is really putting herself at risk of losing my respect. It is going to take a hell of a lot for her to get back in my good graces. I mean, I don’t want to pressure her into doing anything just to please me, but a pair of high heels and some yoga pants would do wonders. I know those don’t usually go together, but I feel like playing Frankenstein.

 

 

 

Photo Credit: Backgrid USA / Instagram 

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Mariane Calazan Tight Body In A Pink Camo Bikini

Every time I slap on a camo sweatshirt or my favorite camo sweatpants someone always makes a joke about how “they can’t see me”. Let me tell you, the jokes aren’t funny. You don’t have to like camo stuff, but other people do. And for someone of us wearing camo is sexy. You wouldn’t sit here and tell me you can’t see Mariane Calazan looking all sexy in a pink camo bikini.

And don’t give me none of that “pink camo isn’t very effective!” nonsense. Camo is an acceptable pattern to wear in fashion. Just like stripes, plaids, and all the rest of them. Come on, man, don’t go on and on about camo, just enjoy Mariane Calazan wearing a bikini. You wouldn’t want her to be wearing everything that would make it hard to see her amazing body. In fact, you want to wearing stuff that is bright, colorful, full of life, stuff that will make you notice she’s in a bikini. I gotta be honest, I’m not sure Mariane Calazan could wear anything that would make us notice her in a bikini.

I kind of hope that Mariane Calazan wearing a camo bikini will change some minds. Even if it doesn’t I’m sure gonna enjoy hell out of it! Mariane Calazan in a camo bikini is the best use of camo ever.

Photo Credit: Backgrid USA 

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Mouna Traore Shows Off Her Flawless Bikini Body

Mauna Traore’s bikini bottoms are losing a brutal battle against that ass. If she does a little bit more walking then she is going to put herself at grave risk of her ass eating it entirely.

No one should be holding the ass responsible for any of this. It is only doing what comes naturally to it to do. I do not get upset with a puppy when it chews up one of my shoes. I am an adult, I know better. Instead I get upset with the owner and use a broken beer bottle to force them into replacing my shoes. Unfortunately I am having trouble rationalizing how threatening Mauna with a bottle will make her get herself a new bikini. I am not saying it wouldn’t work. I only think there is probably an easier way to go about it.

Someone really should have taught her how to train her butt more effectively. Professionals like her should have more control over their body parts. They can’t be seen letting their butts eat whatever fabric is placed between their cheeks. It shows poor self-control and that does not make for a big box office draw.

 

 

 

Photo Credit: Backgrid USA 

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Charlie Riina Spent Christmas Eve In A Tiny Little Bikini

Charlie Riina is still finer than the finest china. I’d handle her with gloves and care, just like my grandmama’s fancy plates, if I ever come into contact with her. I hope I come into contact with her. Because she likes all the things that I like. I like sand, sun, and fun. And over these things we shall create an everlasting bond. Or at least a very interesting afternoon. I’d prefer that she put me on sand removal duty. See, the thing is, even with those showers to spray yourself on the beach, you just end up attracting more sand that sticks to your wet body after. Do you know how irritating getting sand in your shoe is? I’d bring my lucky duster and towel and make sure she isn’t cleaning stowaway sand in shoe and car seats for months after her visit. I’m pretty useful.

Heck, I’m even willing to be her human cup holder. She’s gonna need a place to put her water bottle. And that place is my hands. Also a place where she should feel comfortable to place herself when she needs to feel comfortable. I do it all. My hands are multipurpose.

Photo Credit: Backgrid USA / Instagram 

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Madison Beer Tight Body Beauty In A Little Bralet

Madison Beer has made wearing a bra as a top into an art form. It seems like every time you turn around, she’s hitting the town in what appears to be nothing but a bra. That’s the kind of fashion statement I sincerely hope expands beyond just Madison Beer.

That’s not to say that I want Madison Beer to wear a shirt, it’s just that I think a lot of women could benefit from dressing in just a bra. Think about it. It would save a ton of time and money on wardrobe, and you can really get crazy with just a bra on.

Think about it, a woman could wear a see-through bra, or a lacy number, or something with a lot of frills on it. The possibilities are nearly limitless and it seems that we have Madison Beer to thank for what could be the next fashion trend raging across the country.

I know you’re probably done with your gift shopping for this year, but if you need a last minute idea, get your lady friend a bra she can wear as a top. Tell her that Madison Beer does it, that oughta be good enough for her.

[Madison Beer’s Hottest Bikini Shots Right Here]

Photo Credit: Backgrid USA 

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Irish Singer Andrea Corr Beautiful Bikini Body Yacht Candids

Sweet Irish singer Andre Corr has my heart humming every melody from The Dubliners to The Pogues after seeing this Gaelic goddess. I want to be her Danny boy. Summer may be gone but that doesn’t seem to deter Andrea from looking her best at the beach. This is my first time seeing a woman that looks better than the luck of the Irish. I wouldn’t even be upset if they started replacing her at the end of rainbows instead of the customary pot of gold. It would give me even more incentive to grab my rain boots after an afternoon shower just to chase the colorful sky streaks to find the wonderful prize of Andrea waiting at the end.

I think I’d need a twenty leaf clover just to have  a shot at her. But if I ever did find one by happenstance, the first thing I’d wish for is to wander onto the same sand as Andrea. Who knows, she might even be impressed by my luck after I tell her how I found her. But I’d have to let her know luck this great would have been impossible without her. Hopefully she’s as tickled as I am.

Photo Credit: Backgrid USA / MEGA 

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Pixie Geldof Perfectly Pert Bikini Buns On A Boat

When I think of the perfect buns, my mind immediately imagines the bread from my local bakery leaving the oven at 6 a.m. But, much to my own dismay, I have overlooked another source of where perfectly crafted buns come from. With my most sincerest apologizes to the unsung master baker in a bikini, Pixie Geldof, I promise to never be blind to her bake shop again. She kept her curves concealed well in jean shorts that would make Ariel Winter jealous. But with better weather wherever she’s at, she’s got the goods on full display.

I haven’t seen better buns since Hot Cross season last Easter. Pixie should be proud of herself. I’m proud for her. Her outfit is making her hotter and more desirable than anything that’s ever come out of an oven. I’d rub butter all over her but I’m pretty sure that it’s against the law in most states. We’d have to travel to France for that kind of fun. I’d love to watch her turn a golden baked brown on the beach in a bikini just so I can worship her on the sand. She’s hot enough to start her own religion and I don’t mind being her first disciple.

 

Photo Credit: MEGA 

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Maya Jama Sexy Bikini Body In Mismatched Thong

Getting dressed is one of the skills I have perfected over the years. But just like with anything that you’ve done on thousands of occasions, sometimes you mess up. Luckily, Maya Jama’s wardrobe mishap is more like a wonderful accident. Which is a term my dad used to describe me, but can also definitely be applied to Maya’s mismatched bikini blunder as well. I honestly have to be reminded that her top and bottom don’t match because it’s hard to look away from such an amazing body overall. Whoever noticed must have the discipline of a monk. Because all I see is one of the best looking woman I’ve seen in awhile trying to enjoy some sun, fun and waves.

I’m going to insist that Jama makes me her clothes coach. I’d wake up early at 4 a.m. every morning and start concocting a plan on how we will win attention, hearts, and eyes with wardrobe. I’d help her practice putting on her top and bottom so when it’s game time she’s ready. She’ll never have to worry again with me on her team. We’d definitely bring home the best bikini on the beach trophy everyday.

Photo Credit: MEGA 

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Real Housewife Luanna de Lesseps’s Banging Bikini Body

Luann de Lesseps was able to fulfill the fantasy of every woman’s childhood by marrying a freaking Count. I know that does not hold quite the same weight as marrying a prince, but I think the title of Countess sounds way more badass than princess. And Luann was able to continue carrying the title of Countess even after their divorce.

Luann could have kept on using that title indefinitely if she had she not chosen to get remarried. What makes that so tragic is that the second marriage ended in divorce as well! I don’t know if there is anyone out there that could make me think I am so in love with them that I’d be willing to give up the title of Count, even if the title is just a farce.

It would probably be best that I make it a policy to only marry women with titles that are greater than or equal to the previous wife’s. That way I won’t run into any of this nasty drama. I have so many countesses and duchesses chasing after me it could become a very sticky situation.

 

 

 

Photo Credit: Splash News 

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Chantel Jeffries Perfect Bikini Body And She Know It

Either it is not very warm at that beach or the soles of Chantel Jeffries’s feet are made out of leather, because she is walking over that sand like the terminator after locating its target. A true test of a man’s manhood is when he takes a woman to the beach. He has the choice to be honest about how much the hot sand hurts or he can take after Chantel and act like he hasn’t felt an emotion since his father abandoned the family when he was four years old.

The latter option is a popular choice. Not because it is easy to overcome such pain, it is just that it is easier than gaining back the respect of the woman. Once she has seen you prance around looking for the spots in the sand that might be slightly cooler she is going to know exactly the kind o man that you are. Which is to say the kind of man that won’t get out of bed to see what the sound was in the middle of the night.

“I don’t know what it was, Sara. You’re the one with the good ears. Why don’t you go check it out. The murderer could sneak up on me.”

 

 

Photo Credit: Splash News

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Ariel Winter Sheer Slip Dress Displays Her Fabulous Figure

I guess the gym is good for more than just a photo session, because all of Ariel Winter’s hard work there is clearly paying off. She is at that fit-thick point which is so hot right now.

I bet that slip is super comfortable as well. It is almost like she is wearing a more practical Snuggie, because this one won’t be falling off her shoulders, or showing her bare ass when she stands up. I’ll never make that mistake again. They say you can only lose someone’s respect once, but the look in my father’s eyes after that made it clear that I beat the odds.

I wish I had a better wardrobe that was considered both comfortable and stylish. Everything I own seems to fall on radically different ends of the fashion spectrum. I tried wearing athletic pants with a dress shirt, but people kept giving me grief over it. I wasn’t aware people were so against the employed slacker look. So rather than mixing and matching, these clothing bigots have me either looking like Mark Zuckerberg or Don Draper. But not a hot Don Draper.

 

 

[Ariel Winter’s Hottest Shots Right Here]

Photo Credit: Backgrid USA 

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A Brief Tour Of Instagram Model Celeste Bright’s Perfect Body

All right, guys, I know there is a lot to complain about in regard to Celeste Bright’s appearance, but let’s try to show some class and not lay into her too hard. At least make an attempt to be positive.

I mean, I could stand here all day and point out her glaring flaws, but I am not going to do that because I have tact. That is why I won’t point out that Celeste clearly has no idea how to pick out properly fitting clothing. The shirts she is wearing are so small they can barely conceal her boobs. And one of her swimsuit tops is so baggy the strap is falling down. Come one, Celeste, the rest of us learned how to dress ourselves by the time we were in college.

But I refuse to criticize her for that. Just as I refuse to criticize her for wearing a knitted cap in a hot tub. A lot of good that hat is going to do her in there. She is going to be sweating up a storm.

Maybe next time Celeste Bright should just let someone else take care of her wardrobe.

 

 

Photo Credit: Instagram 

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Selena Gomez Models Her Own Sexy Line Of Tights For Puma

Is Puma going for some sort of subliminal messaging by putting Selena Gomez on a literal pedestal? It seems kind of redundant of them since I am assuming most of us are already doing that.

I regret ever putting her up there, because now every woman I meet is having a damned hard time living up to her. It is no small feat to outshine someone like Selena who has accomplished so much. It doesn’t even matter that I will never meet her in my life, I am still determined to wait for her. What alternative do I have? Should really I lower my expectations and get tied down to a mildly less attractive doctor or lawyer? That would be about the same as tapping out in a fight. I can’t have it, and I won’t have it.

I do not care about whichever badboy popstar she is shacked up with now, as far as I am concerned the goods aren’t damaged yet. And until the day comes when I see her post-meth smile, I refuse to admit they ever will. That is what it will take. Meth is the hard pass for me.

 

 

Photo Credit: MEGA 

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Gigi Hadid Lays Out Her Perfect Bikini Body In Thongtastic Yacht Candids

It is smart of Gigi to go with the baseball cap as her preferred accessory for battling the sun. I know sunglasses are a bit trendier, but if she really plans on soaking up the rays on that boat then she is going to put herself in danger of getting tanlines on her face. That is the one area that everyone can agree is unacceptable.

Tanlines on the torso from a bikini can be great. It is like they are locating the critical areas for a bombing raid from a B-52 dropping loads. But what no one ever wants is for them to start showing up above the neckline.

Gigi is a model. If people start seeing her with raccoon eyes then they could make the mistake of thinking she’s been doing manual labor! I do not know of a worse rumor for a model’s reputation than that. Jane Fonda did a photo shoot in Vietnam, and even her career recovered, as evidenced by Monster-in-Law.

The only people that really need to be careful with hats are bald people. Their tanline makes them look like they recently had brain surgery. Another terrible rumor for a model.

 

[Gigi And All The Hottest Victoria’s Secret Angels Right Here]

Photo Credit: MEGA 

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Italian Stunner Francesca Brambilla’s Busty Bikini Curves In Beachside Candids

I’ve heard people always say you shouldn’t judge a book by its cover, but we all do that. If we’ve never heard of the author, we totally go by the cover or at least the title. That’s why I’m totally fine with judging, in a good way, someone by their name. And the name Francesca Brambilla has to be Italian for super hottie.

I have no idea if Francesca Brambilla’s parents knew she was going to be a freaking gorgeous model when she grew up, but I’m telling you she’s got the perfect name. If I was blind and you told me that name Francesca Brambilla, in my head I would picture Francesca Brambilla in a bikini like the one she’s got on in these pics. She’s got the perfect name to go with that perfect body. Kind of makes you wonder how all those random things had to come together to make Francesca Brambilla look as sexy as she does. The world works in mysterious ways and sometimes that mystery involves a super sexy Italian model named Francesca Brambilla.

Like, Francesca Brambilla forever has the perfect name. Even if she made it up, if that’s not her real name, I don’t care. To me, she’s Francesca Brambilla from now until the end of time. Francesca Brambilla you are a sexy hottie for the ages, that’s for sure.

 

Photo Credit: MEGA 

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