Do Celebrity Lifestyles Lead to Addiction?

It seems like every week we hear about a celebrity who dies of an overdose or about celebrities who are entering or exiting rehab.

Is this true? Are celebrities more likely to have an addiction to alcohol or drugs? Or does it just seem that way?

Money

Celebrities are rich and famous. Their bank accounts let them buy more than people with more modest incomes, which means they can buy more drugs and alcohol.

Even more modest amounts of alcohol and drugs can be expensive. Less affluent people may decide to go to drug and alcohol addiction rehab centers because their addictions are harming their pocketbooks as well as their health.

Persuasion

The money of celebrities can also sway doctors who’ve abandoned their Hippocratic oath to do no harm. Celebrities may bribe medical professionals to prescribe them drugs and visit multiple doctors to obtain multiple drugs, a practice known as doctor shopping.

Similarly, celebrities might bribe or offer perks to bartenders or others willing to buy them alcohol or drugs, even if they’d normally stop serving them because they’re already drunk or high.

Access

Access to drugs and alcohol is another possible reason why celebrities may be more likely to use and abuse the substances. People with more normal jobs and incomes tend to spend time with people with similar jobs and incomes.

On the other hand, celebrities may spend time with people with more money and more access to alcohol and drugs. They could work or party in places associated with substance use, or others could ply them with alcohol or drugs to convince celebrities to do favors for them.

Environment

Drug addiction experts believe that people’s environments can also contribute to their addictions. This can include celebrities’ current environments. It can also include the environments in which they were raised.

Children who are raised among people who use drugs or alcohol may think that such use is a normal way to cope with problems, celebrate good times, and live life in general. They may carry this view into adulthood and begin drinking or using drugs themselves.

Expectations

Rock stars, actors, and actresses may think that others expect them to get high or drunk and they may think so themselves. They may think such behaviors are part of their jobs and find friends who behave that way.

They may also be struggling with other expectations. Celebrities may be feeling that people want them to act or be a certain way because they’ve played certain roles or behaved in certain ways. They might use drugs or alcohol because they think that substance use is part of their public image and will make them seem cooler or more successful.

Genetics

While there is some debate about the matter, some researchers believe that some people may have genes that make them more likely to abuse drugs and alcohol.

This perspective could explain why some families seem to have many members who have problems with alcohol and drugs. It could also explain why some people can drink or use drugs occasionally without experiencing problems while others become addicted.

Stress

Many people aspire to become famous, but if they achieve that, they don’t know what to do next. Celebrities might not feel prepared to tackle the new aspects of their life, interact with the media, or handle their finances.

Others may want them to give their time, attention, or money, but celebrities could become overwhelmed and feel that they don’t have anything to give. The expectations could lead to stress, and stress could lead to drinking, using drugs, and even addiction.

Loneliness

As part of their new lives, celebrities may be separated from friends and family members and their old lives. They could be homesick because they’re traveling frequently for work or leisure.

Celebrities could be meeting new people all the time, but they feel that they’re not connecting with them. They could feel that their new relationships are transactional. Similarly, they also know that people may pretend to be friends and romantic partners because they want money, fame, and other benefits themselves – not because they genuinely like the celebrities. This loneliness and isolation could lead to uncertainty and substance abuse as people try to cope. 

Boredom

Their loneliness could be accompanied by boredom. Entertainers might not from 9 a.m. to 5 p.m. Monday through Friday. They might work extremely long days and have days, weeks, or months off in between.

During these days off, they may be lost because they feel that they don’t have anything to do or feel useless. This boredom might make them anxious and depressed. They might turn to drinking or using drugs because such activities pass the time and produce states of mind that might make them believe that even more time has passed.

It appears that some aspects of being a celebrity may contribute to addiction, but that’s not the whole story.

Accounts of celebrity substance abuse often fail to mention celebrities who aren’t addicted to alcohol or drugs. Not every celebrity develops an addiction. Many celebrities also recover from addictions, and these factors illustrate the complexity of addiction itself.

Author Bio

Patrick Bailey is a professional writer mainly in the fields of mental health, addiction, and living in recovery. He attempts to stay on top of the latest news in the addiction and the mental health world and enjoy writing about these topics to break the stigma associated with them. 

Celebrity Educational Backgrounds

Celebrities have a lot to teach the world about what it takes to become well known and successful. Whether through sheer talent and good fortune, years of study and hard work, or fortunate family background, the journey to celebrity tends to be somewhat different from most people’s experience.

If you’re trying to make a decision about your own career, you might get inspiration from your favorite celebrity by finding out a little more about their background. You might even take a similar degree, or follow famous footsteps by applying to attend a celebrity alma mater.

The education experts at DegreeQuery gathered information on 125 top celebrities and influencers, including literary legends, sports stars, actors, musicians, and fashion icons, to reveal the various different educational backgrounds that have led to fame.

Level of Education

The majority of the 125 celebrities featured in the study attained a High School Diploma, with only 10 people dropping out of school before that point. Formal education stopped there for 47 people, but 66 people continued to higher education. Of those, 45 achieved a Bachelor’s Degree, and 3 earned Master’s Degrees.

The most highly educated celebrities in the study were the star of Blossom and The Big Bang Theory, Mayim Bialik, who achieved a PhD in Neuroscience from UCLA, and the Community and Crazy Rich Asians actor, Ken Jeong, who has a PhD in Medicine from the University of North Carolina.

Type of Education

Homeschooling was a popular option for those who found celebrities early in life. 10 people, including Ariana Grande, Khloe Kardashian, and Kylie Jenner, finished their high school educations at home. Miley Cyrus was also homeschooled, although her star rose to the point where she didn’t finish her diploma.

Prestigious and competitive Ivy League colleges were also favored, by 6 celebrities, including Emma Watson, who studied English Literature at Brown, and Rashida Jones who studied Comparative Religion at Harvard.

Check out this interactive table to find out more.

15 of the Most Bizarre Celebrity Murder Attempts

The word ’stalker’ is very loosely used in the world today. Usually, it involves something mild like checking up on an ex or crush’s activities using the Internet — Facebook stalking. Rarely do we see cases in which a person takes a considerable chunk of their time and dedicate it toward forcing themselves into another person’s life.

This kind of serious stalking can be scary, life-threatening, and is typically indicative of a serious mental illness that has spiraled out of control and manifested itself as a relentless obsession with another person.

Celebrity stalking is particularly strange because the perpetrators are fixated on a person they’ve never met, and often become convinced that the star communicates with them using secret messages on their television or radio performances. Many of these stalkers are violent and have the same goal: taking a person’s life. There can be a few reasons for this; some want to become ‘united’ with the famous person in a demented way. Others wish to make sure they are the most important person in that celebrity’s life.

Most bizarrely, many murderous stalkers are hell-bent on a crazed delusion such as hatred for a person they believe is cooperating with the devil, or using mind powers to force them into committing evil deeds. Here are 15 of the nuttiest celebrity murder attempts by lunatic stalkers.

Bjork

Bjork had an incredibly frightening stalker who kept a video diary of his descent into lunacy. In his homemade chronicles, Ricardo Lopez goes from a slightly overweight obsessive fan to a murderous fat guy with red lightning bolts painted all over his scary bald head. “I want to be the most important person who change [sic] her life more than anyone else,” he says in a raspy voice, “Her angel of death.”

After almost a year’s worth of videos, the crazed man eventually shot himself in the mouth with a gun, on camera, while sitting in front of a handwritten cardboard sign that said “the best of me.” But not before sending Bjork a package with a self-made bomb booby-trapped inside of a large book with the center cut out. “What are my last words?” He asks himself in front of the camera, “Fuck the world, and fuck Bjork and her n—– loving self.” Lopez listens to one of the singer’s albums as he sits naked on a chair and says, “This is the last song” before taking his final breaths in the extremely NSFW video.

Although his package was set to spray acid in her face upon opening, the video was found before the package ever got to its final destination and authorities saved the pop princess from mutilation — and possibly death.

John Lennon

John Lennon, the former Beatles member, has the most notorious stalker story in all of pop music history. A man named Mark David Chapman was a former armed guard who made multiple plans to commit suicide over the course of his lifetime. After a failed suicide attempt by carbon monoxide asphyxiation in his garage, Chapman eventually became employed as a counselor at the mental health facility that he had been committed to. A few years later, Chapman began hearing voices and developing obsessions for things like The Catcher in the Rye and John Lennon. He even signed some of his letters as “The Catcher in the Rye.”

In 1980, Chapman traveled from Hawaii to New York with plans to murder John Lennon. Instead, he returned to his home and wife in Hawaii and told his wife about the plans, which he had apparently ’snapped out of.’ This was clearly untrue, as Chapman again visited New York — and this time, he had a loaded gun. Chapman waited for Lennon outside of his apartment building on the morning of December 8th, 1980, with a copy of Catcher in the Rye in which he had written “This is my statement. –Holden Caulfield.”

Chapman waited all day, even having friendly interactions with both the housekeeper and Lennon himself. Around 11 PM, Lennon returned with wife Yoko Ono from a recording session and casually approached the entrance to their building. Chapman fired five shots at the couple, four of which hit Lennon. He died almost instantly. Chapman, however, stood around reading his book until the police took him without a fight. He remains in prison today.

50 Cent

A drug kingpin from Jamaica, Queens, plotted to kill multi-platinum rapper 50 Cent after hearing the artist’s songs detailing some of his very illegal drug exploits. Kenneth ‘Supreme’ McGriff found 50 Cent’s songs to be a little too revealing for his criminal tastes and apparently began conspiring to have the rapper murdered. It’s only natural that anyone with a multi-million dollar drug scandal under their belt would feel overexposed after having a detailed history of their gang publicly broadcast on radios and mp3 players all over the world.

Although Curtis Jackson, the artist’s real name, was shot nine times in 2000, he refused to cooperate with police or assist in their investigation of the incident. Police believe the shooting to be related to Jackson’s problems with McGriff, whose drug dealing history is detailed in a song called Ghetto Koran — something which earned Jackson a ban from most US rap studios. There is speculation that the murder of DJ Jam Master Jay was due to his defiance of the blacklist and choice to continue working with 50 Cent, but the case has never been solved.

Tila Tequila

Surprisingly, someone actually became obsessed with the trashy little midget hooker known as Tila Tequila. Not surprisingly, they hated her guts so much so that they began making death threats which would eventually progress into a break-in at her home. The lunatic burgled Tequila’s home in 2009, smashing windows and locking the star’s dog in the trunk of her car in a bizarre move.

Erin Andrews

ESPN Reporter Erin Andrews has been the victim of numerous stalkers, one or more of which have threatened to take her life. The Dancing With The Stars competitor is widely known on sports blogs and websites, regarded as a super-sexy sports interviewer. On some sites, her actions are harshly scrutinized in strange and creepy detail. Some websites even review the manner in which she interviews players, from her ’suggestive’ physical touches to her ’skimpy’ outfits.

In 2008, Andrews was stalked by a man who followed her for weeks, eventually recording nude videos of the gorgeous reporter with his cell phone while spying through a peephole into her hotel room. He uploaded the videos to the Internet and was later sentenced to 30 months in prison — a verdict Andrews was angered by, saying it wasn’t nearly long enough.

More recently, Andrews received threatening emails from a crazed fan claiming someone “should shoot her in the face” and that once he took action, “no one would see him coming.” But Andrews didn’t let this crazy obsession stop her from appearing on Dancing with the Stars.

Mick Jagger

Rock star Mick Jagger was almost murdered after the Hell’s Angels motorcycle gang decided to put a hit on his life following a 1969 concert in which they served as his security. Everything was running smoothly until the volatile gang turned on an 18-year-old boy, kicking and stabbing him to death. Appalled, Jagger stated that he would never again work with the Hell’s Angels and had hired them to prevent, not promote, violence in the first place. The gang was not surprisingly very offended by the star’s disdain and decided that Jagger must die.

A group of the Hell’s Angels took a boat out in an attempt to storm Jagger from his backyard or garden, and murder him without having to go through all of his pesky security guards first. Unfortunately, the Angels were the ones stormed when heavy rain and unpredictable waves threw them all from the vessel. Although everyone survived, the chip against Mick Jagger sunk with the ship, and no further attempts on his life were made.

Madonna

A homeless man repeatedly sent letters and notes to pop icon Madonna’s home in 1995. In his letters, he professed his love for Madonna and ask that she marry him. She didn’t reply — and presumably not because he had no permanent address.

Crazed and insistent on finding the sexy vocalist, Robert Dewey Hoskins scaled the wall around her mansion but was stopped by a bodyguard. Hoskins stated that he would either marry Madonna or “slash her throat from ear to ear.” Needless to say, his second attempt at breaking in was met with gunfire. Shot and wounded, Hoskins was then sentenced to ten years in prison.

Jodie Foster

A mentally ill John Hinckley Jr. became obsessed with movie star Jodie Foster after watching Taxi driver, a 1976 crime drama in which Foster plays an underage prostitute trapped in a world of drugs and violence. In the film, she’s rescued by a vigilante just as violent as her abusive pimp.

Hinckley admired the film, decided that Foster was his one true love, and began following her around. He went so far as to enroll in Yale, the college Foster was attending at the time, so he could watch her every move and slip hundreds of poems and love letters under her door. His advances went unnoticed, so Hinckley knew he had to do something drastic to get Foster’s attention. He thought the ultimate way of “impressing” his unrequited love was to loosely imitate a scene from Taxi Driver by shooting at an important political figure — the president.

The certified nutjob’s last love letter stated he would soon murder then-president Ronald Reagan, which is exactly what he attempted to do. Six gunshots later, Reagan was wounded but still alive and Hinckley was on his way to the mental institution.

Barack Obama

A 19-year-old white supremacist from Tennessee planned to go on a racist killing spree with an accomplice in 2008, acknowledging that his rampage would lead up to the murder of then-presidential candidate Barack Obama.

Paul Schlesselman plotted to slaughter dozens of African Americans before reaching current president Obama. Schlesselman chose numbers relevant to the white supremacist cult, 88 and 14, to use as guidelines for his murders. 74 African Americans were to be murdered plain old murder style, and the remaining 14 of 88 were set to be beheaded.

However, the two stooges were apprehended after dumbly scrawling racial slurs and swastikas on the side of Schesselman’s vehicle in chalk — like two silly children. Schlesselman was sentenced to ten years in prison.

Shawn Johnson

Shawn Johnson, an Olympic gold medal winner and celebrity from reality television program Dancing With the Stars, was also the subject of a violent stalker’s misguided ‘admiration’.

The 17-year-old Johnson was saved from 34-year-old Robert O’Ryan after he tried to jump over a security fence at the show’s studios. He was stopped and searched, which is when police found a loaded gun, rolls of duct tape, and numerous love letters to Johnson inside O’Ryan’s vehicle. O’Ryan told police he had moved all of his belongings from Florida to California in order to be with Johnson — a statement that helped Johnson obtain a restraining order against the creepy older man.

Ryan Seacrest

Ryan Seacrest’s murderous stalker was particularly scary because of his military background. 25-year-old Chidi Uzomah Jr. was a member of the US Special Forces, a division of military for elite, highly trained soldiers.

In 2009, Uzomah was arrested for attacking one of Seacrest’s bodyguards. He was soon after found wandering the halls of the E! offices in search of Seacrest. Upon being apprehended, a knife was found on his person. Uzomah faced four years in prison for stalking and breaching the conditions of his restraining order and pleaded not guilty.

Hilary Duff

An 18-year-old man named Maksim Myaskovskiy moved from his hometown in Russia to the United States for one purpose — to stalk his ‘true’ love, Hilary Duff. The Russian immigrant moved in with a member of the paparazzi while pursuing the pop princess, divulging to his roommate some violent and disturbing plans.

Myaskovskiy threatened to harm himself, Duff, and then-boyfriend Joel Madden to get her attention. His plan didn’t work, and he was arrested on charges of stalking and making violent threats after a private investigator was told directly by the Russian immigrant of his plans to murder Duff at a weekend event in 2006.

Myakovskiy had talked about purchasing firearms to force his way in between the famous couple and claimed that Madden was ‘the enemy’ and standing in the way of a romance he knew was meant to be. His paparazzo roommate tried to warn police of his friend’s violent psychosis, but his intentions were apparently warped when his messages were first ignored and later viewed as being in cahoots with the stalker himself.

Michael Jackson

Michael Jackson had a stalker in the early ’90s who was obsessed with an eclectic number of ideas. A man named Paul Jones, falsely claiming to be the son of mob boss John Gotti sent hundreds of threatening letters to the king of pop in an attempt to — well, we’re not exactly sure what he was attempting to do.

Some letters demand money from Jackson, while others profess love. The stalker threatened to commit mass murders at his concerts if Jackson refused to comply. Others say that if he is was arrested or stopped by authorities, he was “gonna attempt to kill President George Bush.” Finally, the crazed fan threatened the life of Jackson himself. None of his plans came to fruition.

This weirdo wasn’t Jackson’s only stalker. An aging tranny named ‘Melanie’ was accused of harassing Jackson with numerous letters and telephone calls, while another woman named Helen Harris-Scott was brought to court on stalking charges as well. Scott claimed that Jackson was guilty of sending her ‘put-downs’ and insults degrading her and calling her ‘not good enough’ for his love.

Dr. Drew

A deranged Charles Pearson was arrested on felony charges of stalking in early 2010 after sending television psychiatrist Dr. Drew menacing emails. One of Pearson’s messages threatened to murder the doctor’s children and force his wife to consume them. He was also convinced that the television personality had placed a tracking device hidden inside the man’s genitals, a strange and disgusting delusion.

Dr. Drew handled all of this surprisingly well, and offered only the statement that he wants the violent stranger to “get the treatment he clearly needs.” Pearson was held on a whopping $150,000 bail.

Jewel

Apparently, God wants Jewel dead. A Wisconsin man named Michael Lawrance Kozelka trespassed on the enormous ranch Jewel shared with her husband on two separate occasions in 2009.

The first time, Kozelka was asked to leave and warned that he would be arrested if found on the property again. He paid no mind to this request — after all, he was on a “mission from God” which is what he told police after he returned the very next day and was promptly arrested. He was found with a dog and a pocket knife the second time, but “did not seem angry” or resist arrest.

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15 Greatest Proponents of Marijuana Legalization

Marijuana is called many names, across different cultures, largely due to the fact that it’s been around for over five thousand years. An estimated 162 million people in the world use cannabis every year, so it shouldn’t be surprising that so many big names touch the green stuff too. Some celebrities are more forthcoming with their love of weed than others — ahem, Willie Nelson — but you might be surprised at a few that fight for the national legalization. Here are 15 of the greatest proponents of national marijuana legalization.

Bill Maher

Social critic, comedian and television host Bill Maher gets passionate about what he supports. Along with gay marriage and PETA, he supports the legalization of marijuana quite publicly — although that’s just his style. He’s even on the advisory board for NORML, and on the 2009 debut of his HBO show Real Time he proposed just how to solve the economic crisis: by legalizing marijuana. 

Adam Carolla

Radio shock jock and television personality Adam Carolla is not a pot smoker anymore, so he says, but that doesn’t stop him from supporting the cause — he’s even joined the MPP’s advisory board. He’s said that pot will eventually win the fight: “It has to… We don’t have a bigger fish to fry than pot? It’s going to happen. It’s just going to happen. It will come to pass,” stated Carolla. A lot of progress has been made, but many states are slow to change laws, and marijuana is still prohibited under federal law.

Peter Coyote

Peter Coyote, an American Renaissance man, has dabbled in acting, directing, and authoring books as well as screenplays. Born to a Jewish family, he has since converted to Zen Buddhism — so it’s understandable that he has a wide cultural experience and mindset. He supports marijuana and believes that “jailing people for the mild alteration of their consciousness will appear to future generations as cruel and draconian as the tortures of the Inquisition appear to us today. May the reputations of today’s jailers suffer the same fate as Torquemada’s reputation today.” Strong words.

Jack Black

Funny man Jack Black has entertained us with the likes of both film and music. In a recent interview, he spoke of his own drug use — trying acid and cocaine as early as the ninth grade. When it comes to pot — he still smokes — but it’s now “an occasional celebratory jay… not a wake-and-bake scenario anymore at all.” Either way, he smokes it, supports it, and is on the MPP advisory board.

Jack Nicholson

Actor, film director, and producer Jack Nicholson is so good at what he does, that he’s been nominated for 12 Academy Awards, and he’s even won two of them. He’s a big voice in Hollywood, so when he says something — people listen. “My point of view, while extremely cogent, is unpopular… That the repressive nature of the legalities vis-a-vis drugs are destroying the legal system and corrupting the police system.” Cogent may be an understatement, the man can speak, but what the movement lacks in numbers, guys like Nicholson make up for in words.

Jennifer Aniston

While some may be surprised at the fact that American sweetheart and actress Jennifer Aniston smokes bud, she’s admitted her love for it on several occasions. While she was with actor Brad Pitt, they apparently smoked all the time. Now she will “Enjoy it once in a while — There is nothing wrong with that.” She’s been caught by the paparazzi before, smoking in private — we’re sure she’d enjoy complete legalization.

Jesse Ventura

Retired professional wrestler turned tv show host Jesse Ventura has dabbled in so many different things in his years, no wonder he looks like a wreck now. He’s known to express his support for national medical marijuana but is even more adamant about his support for the complete legalization of the drug. His mother lived through Prohibition, so he took some pointers from her and believes that: 

“The war on drugs is a failure for the same reasons Prohibition was a failure… Just imagine if we could find some way for addicts to get their drugs cheaply, safely, and legally. The bottom would drop out of the illegal drug market. We’d see a huge drop in organized and violent crime.”

Johnny Depp

Award-winning actor Johnny Depp has quite an interesting take on drugs, especially marijuana. He was known to take quite a few drugs in his day — so he speaks from experience. In fact, he’s stated that he wants his kids to get drugs from him if they’re going to try them, instead of some other dealer. He’s been criticized for the statements, but he holds strong and maintains his support for complete legalization.

Joycelyn Elders, M.D.

Dr. Joycelyn Elders, 15th Surgeon General of the United States, went on to become a professor of pediatrics after she was fired by former President Clinton for her radical views. And by “radical” views, we mean the support of condom distribution in schools, abortion rights and suggesting the legalization of drugs to reduce the crime rate. She was on the advisory board for the MPP and supports them “because it is a professional organization attempting to change our destructive marijuana laws.” 

Kirsten Dunst

Actress Kirsten Dunst, who gained international fame with her role in Spiderman as Mary Jane Watson, is known for her views on weed. Not only does she like the drug, but she believes that “America’s view on weed is ridiculous” and that it would make the world “a better place” should weed be legalized everywhere. 

Michael Bloomberg

Michael Bloomberg, current Mayor of New York City, has smoked weed before — and “enjoyed it.” Back in April 2002 he was featured in an ad that some campaigners had started circulating in protest to Bloomberg arresting pot-smokers. He wasn’t thrilled that they were using his name and words, but it still stands that he’s fond of the drug. We think he’s in denial for political reasons.

Morgan Freeman

Another award-winning actor in support of national legalization, Morgan Freeman still smokes to this day at the ripe age of 83. In an interview with the UK newspaper The Guardian, the legendary actor told reporters he had given up his use of hard drugs, but that he would never quit his relationship with Mary Jane. In fact, he referred to marijuana as “God’s own weed.” 

Richard Branson

Sir Richard Branson, British industrialist and chairman of Virgin Group, has a net worth of over 2.5 Billion dollars to go with his douchey attitude — but in all fairness, he’s a good douche. He’s one of the world’s richest people, but he spends his money in aggressive, forward-thinking ways. Just look at Virgin Galactic. Staying true to his out-of-the-box thinking, Branson supports the national legalization of marijuana — and said he would even sell it in Virgin stores if it were openly available.

Stephen King

Stephen King, writer of contemporary horror and suspense, is all for legalization. Instead of avoiding the topic, as many celebrities and politicians do, he embraces it. He thinks that “marijuana should not only be legal [but that] it should be a cottage industry. It would be wonderful for the state of Maine. There’s some pretty good homegrown dope.” If weed were legalized, he also believes that it would be even better, due to the use of commercial fertilizers and greenhouses.

Brad Pitt

Brad Pitt, actor and film producer, calls himself an artist when it comes to rolling a joint. Apparently he stopped smoking because it turns him “into a doughnut,” but he’s been known to publicly support marijuana — he smoked on several movie sets, including Ocean’s Twelve and Thelma and Louise. He sees the importance of pot legalization on the same level as legalized gay marriage.

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14 Worst Celebrity Plastic Surgeries

In the last several decades, cosmetic surgery has become more acceptable and more accessible. No longer is it a procedure reserved only for wealthy old women, and most celebrities are guilty of having at least one or two procedures. The goal for most is to make oneself look younger. But every once in a while the individual can go overboard, have a botched surgery, or develop an addiction to plastic surgery procedures. Below is a list of the fourteen worst examples of celebrity plastic surgeries.

Nadya Sulemon “Octomom”

Overnight celebrity is something reserved for truly “Great” Americans. In addition to having fourteen children, and selling her birth video for street cred, Sulemon had procedures in order to look more like Angelina Jolie.

The surgery was performed shortly before becoming artificially inseminated – a sort of pre-pregnancy procedure, if you will. Can’t you just picture her singing,  “…Look, if you had one shot, or one opportunity to seize everything you ever wanted-one moment, would you capture it or just let it slip?”

Michael Jackson

The self-proclaimed “King of Pop” gave up his title in favor of becoming the new, “King of Plastipop.” Michael made a public appearance in London to announce to his fans that “THIS IS IT!” We could only have hoped that he meant plastic surgery. RIP Michael.

Joan Rivers

Supposedly Joan Rivers was a comedienne. You know, a woman that makes jokes. Unfortunately, the only way Ms. Rivers made America laugh was by continuing to inject Botox and filler into every part of her face.

Rumor has it, just before an Oscar Red Carpet Show, Joan went into for her weekly injections. As she walked out of the surgeon’s office she tripped and fell, and as her head hit the ground her entire face popped like a zit. Fortunately, surgeons were able to put her back together again in under an hour. RIP Joan.

Sophia Loren

Sophia Loren was not only the most beautiful woman of her generation but one of the most beautiful of all time.  It is understood that she would do anything to keep her beauty as she aged; unfortunately, she went to the same plastic surgeon that works on the Crypt Keeper. I wonder if the same puppeteers help her walk and talk too?

Kenny Rogers

What posses a man as cool as “The Gambler” to do something like this to his face? Maybe he lost a bet with the devil…makes sense, right? Couldn’t he have just shaved his head per Larry Bird? Poor guy, he was doomed to permanently wear that Asian smirk on his face for the rest of his mortal days. RIP Kenny.

Lisa Rinna

I wonder what Lisa’s surgeon thought of her when she came to him with a pair of Halloween wax lips, and said, “I want this on my face…NOW!” Either way, you can tell how proud she is of her lips as they keep getting bigger and bigger.

Linda Evans

Who asks their plastic surgeon, “I want to look like a cross between Murphy Brown and Martha Stewart.” Linda Evans does, that’s who.

Nikki Cox

Has Nikki Cox been hanging out with or dating Chris Brown? If that is not a fat lip from an abusive relationship, then I don’t know what is. In any case, we all know Nikki Cox is at that age with plastic surgery where many of her peers start heading toward the bug zapper like curious moths. Turn Away Nikki…TURN AWAY!

Cher

Cher has been perfecting the art of facial (de)constructive surgery since her nose job in the late 60’s. This equates to nearly 40 years of rearranging her face to look acceptable. So our hat goes off to her because of her dedication. But, she still looks bad.

Donatella Versace

Donatella’s late brother Gianni Versace played a horrible joke on her by directing her to Italy’s top transsexual plastic surgeon. Like a good little sister, she followed his advice and came out looking like… how she looks now.

Janice Dickenson

Janice Dickenson is widely considered the world’s first supermodel.  While ruling the fashion world in the late 70’s and early 80’s, she fell head over heals in love with Steven Tyler. He ended up breaking her heart and this is how she decided to get back at him:  to spend the next twenty years and countless millions of dollars getting cosmetic procedures in order to look just like him.

Fergie

Does anyone remember when Fergie was in the 90’s girl group Wild Orchid? Didn’t think so. So for all you aspiring female pop singers out there – if you want to make it big, do not rule out the option of getting plastic surgery to make you look like a man. This has worked for Fergie.

Carrot Top

During the height of his career, Carrot Top was considered the most popular comedian among the American college-age demographic. This was shortly before he started using steroids, and began getting plastic surgery aimed at making him resemble a frightened woman. The eyeliner is just an extra bonus.

Jocelyn Wildenstein

In the late 1970s, the young socialite Wildenstein found her husband in bed with another woman. Instead of divorcing her extremely wealthy husband, and taking half of his fortune, she decided to try and transform herself into the woman who she thought her husband would love for her aesthetic qualities. Unfortunately for herself – and for her husband, and cameras –  she ended up looking like a bloated corpse.

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20 Badass Famous Last Words

Some of the grandest, most controversial men in history have ended their lives with a poignant, biting farewell. Some laugh at death, others laugh at their killers, still, others offer a culminating statement of wisdom. These colorful individuals ensured their fateful last words eloquently summarized their existence.

1. Augustus, AD 14

Caesar Augustus was the first ruler of the Roman Empire, leading Rome for 41 years. He would boast that he found Rome in clay and left it in marble. So smug was he over his success that on his deathbed he facetiously asked:

“Have I played the part well? Then applaud as I exit!”

2. Karl Marx, 1883

The author of The Communist Manifesto, Karl Marx’s ideas, words, and writings would go on to influence generations. While on his deathbed, Marx’s housekeeper went to his side. She requested he tell her his last words, so that she could record them for posterity. Marx scoffed:

“Go on – get out. Last words are for fools who haven’t said enough.”

3. Che Guevara, 1967

Up to his dying moment, Che Guevara proved his legacy as being worthy of gracing so many t-shirts. A Latin American revolutionary, Guevara earned himself many enemies by plotting the downfall of governments and advocating for social change. His activism made him a wanted man by the CIA and many other countries worldwide. Ultimately he was caught by the Bolivians and the president ordered his execution. To his executioner Guevara shouted:

“I know you’ve come to kill me. Shoot, coward, you are only going to kill a man.”

4. Tom “Black Jack” Ketchum, 1901

Tom Ketchum was a hole-in-the-wall gang member and notorious train robber. With comrades such as Butch Cassidy, Ketchum was soon a wanted cowboy. After being shot in the arm, he was captured and sentenced to death by hanging. His executioner tied the rope poorly, resulting in Ketchum’s decapitation on his way down. Before he was pushed off the platform, he laughed:

“I’ll be in hell before you start breakfast – let her rip!”

5. Christine Chubbuck, 1974

Television reporter Christine Chubbuck was frustrated with her job. Too often her investigative reports were pushed aside for stories of shock-value. Chubbuck suffered from depression and was determined to take her own life to end the pain. She knew the perfect way to do it, which would double as revenge on her employer. During a live television broadcast on July 15, before taking a gun to her head. she improvised:

“In keeping with Channel 40′s policy of bringing you the latest in blood and guts, and in living color, you are going to see another first — attempted suicide.”

6. John Maynard Keynes, 1946

John Maynard Keynes was a British economist who profoundly influenced economic thought of the 20th and 21st centuries. Despite his extremely long and impressive resume, his greatest regret on his deathbed was not having had more fun:

“I wish I’d drunk more champagne.”

7. George Engel, 1887

A German anarchist and labor union activist living in America, George Engel often partook in and organized strikes, raids, and riots. Convicted for having planted bombs at the Haymarket Square Riot in Chicago, he was sent to the gallows. From the platform he shouted:

“Hurrah for anarchy! This is the happiest moment of my life.”

8. Giles Corey, 1692

False accusations and unreasonable executions were the primary characteristics of the Salem Witch Trials. One alleged witch, Giles Corey, was not too pleased to be tortured for such frivolous reasons. Thus, as the authorities layered more and more rocks upon his fragile old frame, they gave him one last chance to admit his suspected magic. Corey, stubbornly, welcomed his death instead:

“More weight!”

9. Christopher Houston “Kit” Carson, 1868

Kit Carson was an American frontiersman who ran a small militia during the Civil War. In the west, away from the feuding between the north and the south, militias worked to force Native American tribes onto reservations. Carson brutally destroyed the crops and villages of the Navajo in order to drive them onto government designated land. On his deathbed in Colorado, rather than ask forgiveness for his crimes, Carson lamented:

“I just wish I had time for one more bowl of chili.”

10. George Appel, 1928

George Appel was convicted of first-degree murder for killing a police officer in New York City in 1928. The court sentenced him to death by electric chair. While being strapped to the fatal device, he laughed to the officers:

“Well, gentlemen, you are about to see a baked Appel.”

11. Humphrey Bogart, 1957

The Hollywood icon Humphrey Bogart was America’s leading man for decades. He stole hearts in classic movies like The Maltese Falcon and Casablanca. Surprising then, is that Bogart, at the time of his death, weighed a mere 80 pounds. Though suffering from cancer of the esophagus, he still joked as he fell into a coma:

“I should never have switched from Scotch to Martinis.”

12. Joan Crawford, 1977

As a famous American dancer and actress who epitomized the flapper era, Joan Crawford had a reputation for sass and unapologetic boldness. Later in life she developed pancreatic cancer, and while she was lying weak on her deathbed, her housekeeper began to pray aloud. Crawford brashly interrupted:

“Dammit… Don’t you dare ask God to help me.”

13. Voltaire, 1778

The French Enlightenment philosopher, Voltaire, was never a close-minded man. He entertained and carefully considered every idea – particularly on his deathbed. The priest giving him his last rites requested he renounce Satan. To this, Voltaire responded:

“Now, now, my good man, this is no time for making enemies.”

14. Ethan Allen, 1789

American Revolutionary general Ethan Allen was a stereotypically hard military man. Though surviving the war, he suffered an apoplectic fit, which pushed him on to his deathbed. Allen was very hostile to the idea of death, and in an attempt to comfort him, a doctor said, “General, I fear the angels are waiting for you.” Allen was quite annoyed:

“Waiting are they? Waiting are they? Well – let ‘em wait.”

15. Richard Feynman, 1988

It takes a lot to keep a genius entertained, and Richard Feynman was certainly a genius. The MIT and Princeton graduate’s work with quantum physics and electrodynamics earned him prestige in world academia. After developing two rare forms of cancer, Feynman did not have the energy to make provocative scientific discoveries, thus prompting the thought:

“I’d hate to die twice. It’s so boring.”

16. Dylan Thomas, 1953

Dylan Thomas was a famous Welsh poet with a reputation for heavy drinking. When accused of being an alcoholic, he would say, “An alcoholic is someone you don’t like, who drinks as much as you do.” Though suffering from intense breathing problems, he spent his last nights in a bar. Proudly, he announced:

“I’ve had eighteen straight whiskies, I think that’s the record…”

17. Charlie Chaplin, 1977

Charlie Chaplin was a legend of the silent film era. A comedian until the very end, Chaplin was jovial in his last moments. A priest dutifully counseling him said, “May the Lord have mercy on your soul.” Chaplin shrugged:

“Why not? After all, it belongs to him.”

18. James French, 1966

James French was sentenced to life in prison for murder. He was afraid to commit suicide, so instead he murdered his cellmate to prompt the court to give him a proper execution. The last man to be given the electric chair in the state of Oklahoma, he told the correctional officers as they strapped him in:

“How’s this for a headline? ‘French fries’.”

19. John Barrymore, 1942

John Barrymore was a Hollywood actor best known for his roles in light comedies. He lived a very grand life, worthy of a star. Thus, the idea of death was far too simple a concept to end his life:

“Die? I should say not, dear fellow. No Barrymore would allow such a conventional thing to happen to him.”

20. Charles Darwin, 1882

The biologist Charles Darwin made a huge contribution to our modern way of thinking, scientifically and socially. Such a learned man was he, that Darwin faced death with a very brave soul. He wisely declared:

“I am not the least afraid to die.”

To be witty at life’s end is not an easy task. The pain, fear, or anxiety of dying most likely dulls one’s mental facilities. Hence, it may be wise to begin writing your own last words today. After all, you never know when you’re going to need them.

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