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Stormy Daniels: Donald Trump Accused of Bedding Porn Star, Paying $130K For Silence

Donald Trump has not had a good week. He hasn't since 2016, honestly, but this week has been particularly bad.

After it came out that Trump called countries with non-white majorities "sh-tholes" and that he thought that diplomats should be given tasks according to their ethnicity, another bombshell dropped.

It is alleged that Trump paid a six-figure settlement to a porn star to buy her silence about a sexual encounter that took place after he married Melania.

Stormy Daniels

On Friday, a damning report by the Wall Street Journal alleges that Donald Trump arranged for porn star Stephanie Clifford, known professionally as Stormy Daniels, to receive $130,000 in hush money.

When?

Oh, just one month before the 2016 election.

The two of them, per the report, had an alleged sexual encounter in 2006. 

Clifford was 27 at the time of the consensual encounter at Lake Tahoe.

In case you need a refresher, Trump and Melania married in January of 2006. So this wouldn't have just been a hook-up with an adult film star, but cheating on Melania shortly after they married.

Angry Melania Trump

Michael Cohen, who was an attorney for the Trump Organization at the time, is the one who made the alleged arrangements for a payment.

The $130,000 payment was apparently part of a non-disclosure agreement that the adult film star signed.

The White House declined to comment on the alleged six-figure payment, but called the report that Trump had bedded Clifford "old" and "recycled," mentioning that the reports had been "strongly denied" even before the election.

(Which is interesting, because mentioning that something was publicly denied is not the same thing as denying it yourself)

Stormy Daniels Image

Cohen, the attorney who is said to have set up the payment, said that Trump "once again vehemently denies" the story that he had any sort of sexual relationship with Stormy Daniels.

Interestingly, like the White House, Cohen also declined to comment on the $130,000 payment.

But that's not to say that Cohen didn't have anything to say to the Wall Street Journal:

"This is now the second time that you are raising outlandish allegations against my client."

Is it really outlandish? Even if this isn't true, it doesn't sound outlandish in the slightest.

"You have attempted to perpetuate this false narrative for over a year; a narrative that has been consistently denied by all parties since at least 2011."

Stormy Daniels Denial

He's right about one thing:

Stephanie Clifford has denied it. She's denied the sexual tryst and she's denied the substantial sum of hush money.

Of course, her denial includes the claim that he was a "total gentleman" to her when they met, which just about defies belief.

Clifford does acknowledge that she made some professional appearances for the Trump brand.

For example, she attended the launch of Trump Vodka in 2007, the year after the alleged sexual encounter.

Stormy Daniels Photo

Trump Vodka has, of course, failed like so many of Trump's business ventures. Production of that shut down in 2011.

But Stormy Daniels' enduring links to Trump continue.

We're generally leery of reports, especially when they seem to confirm everything that we suspect about a person we dislike.

But coming from a conservative outlet like the Wall Street Journal, whose sources for this apparently include multiple people in whom Stephanie Clifford confided the story that she publicly denies, it seems to hold water.

Of course, this is Trump. What would be a career-ending scandal for another politician seems to only inspire his most ardent defenders. Spite is making Trump-supporters twist themselves into knots to cover for him.

Maybe, one day, it will all be too much.

What It’s Like to Date a Model, Trump Drinks Water Like a Baby and More

  • What it’s like to date a model [CavemanCircus]
  • Trump drinks water like a baby [Celebitchy]
  • Sara Sampaio see through at photo shoot (Site NSFW) [TheNipSlip]
  • Joy Corrigan‘s bikini photo shoot [GCeleb]
  • 11 shocking facts about porn you never knew [Linkiest]
  • Mom gets back at package thief [Radass]

Robotic Trump Added to Hall of Presidents, Has Already Groped 8 Robotic First Ladies

Disney World finally got their Donald Trump robot working in the Hall of Presidents and got an agreeable speech from Donald Trump, who is actually capable of sounding eloquent when his speech has been written by someone literate and there’s a producer to edit it down to something sensible. You can actually check out the full Trump speech below.

See, it’s not terrible, it’s actually kind of uplifting and holy shit that looks nothing like Donald Trump. It kind of looks like if you put Trump’s hair on Betty White’s head. Needless to say, Twitter has had a field day with this thing. Let’s take a look.

Fun fact: Older Biff in Back To The Future II was based on Donald Trump. It was the 80’s and they wanted to show what it’d look like if an asshole rapist was suddenly rich, so naturally they thought Trump.

Of course, some people did some audio edits, laying some different Trump speeches over the Robo-Trump. There’s also like a 100% chance Robo-Trump is the end villain in a Bionic Commando remake at some point.

The delay in opening the attraction was apparently because Trump wanted to write his own speech without input from Disney, which may or may not have happened, but the speech he gave is fine, and he manages to talk for like, two whole minutes without mentioning how many people voted for him or how big his dick is. Personally, I prefer the speeches these Twitter users came up with, they’re much more fitting.

See Omarosa’s Embarassing, Low-Budget Sci-Fi Film That’s Somehow Not Porn

It’s been a rough week for Omarosa. She got fired from her cushy White House job where she was paid the maximum amount allowed by law for a White House staffer to do PR work, and she may or may not have been dragged off kicking and screaming. I like to imagine she was. A quiet, dignified exit is just not in keeping with the reality show spectacle currently going on in the White House.

On top of that, however, a video appeared of Omarosa in the porniest non-porn movie I’ve ever seen. It’s called Soul Sistahs and it was produced in 2006 by Andrew Coppa. In the film, Omarosa is abducted by a stereotypical old Jewish auntie named Ruby, who for some reason has a tiny spaceship and a shrink ray. I’m not making any of this up, by the way, you can watch this for yourself.

I seriously don’t know how this isn’t porn. Ruby (who is an existing character and can be seen in other really strange videos on Planet Ruby) needs Omarosa to get some of Donald Trump’s hair, so Omarosa puts on a pleather bikini top and hot pants and how is this not porn? I keep rewatching it because I’m 100% positive if I watch it enough eventually people are going to start having sex.

This is honestly like, the best Christmas present ever. There’s this scene after Omarosa gets roofied by a cake where the background has a tie-dye effect and Omarosa and Ruby are dancing like Goldie Hahn on Rowan and Martin’s Laugh-In and I don’t understand how that’s not followed by a 20-minute blowjob scene. There has to be a porn version of this somewhere, right? A director’s cut or something? The only way this could be porneriffic is if Omarosa took a cab to get Trump’s hair and forgot her purse and couldn’t pay the fare.

So why did this video surface now, just as Omarosa is on her way out at the White House? Is a conspiracy afoot? I’ve been following #TheResistance on Twitter all weekend, so I’m pretty sure this is the handiwork of Vladimir Putin, who is singlehandedly responsible for every election result anywhere in the world that you don’t like. Which is really convenient, because it means I didn’t back the wrong candidate in the primary and nominate someone so terrible that they couldn’t even win an election against Donald Trump, it was those dastardly Soviets!

The video has actually been available since 2006. I know this because the Planet Ruby website says to “get the new version so QuickTime” to watch it, and 2006 is roughly the last time anyone in world actually used QuickTime. The real question is how has this movie just been sitting on the internet for 11 years without anyone noticing it, and seriously, how is this not porn?

Eminem DESTROYS Donald Trump, Jokes About Murdering Ivanka on New Album!

Eminem has made it abundantly clear that he's not a big fan of our current president.

(And seriously, how heartbreaking is it that we still have to refer to Donald Trump as "our current president"?)

Eminem Image

He slammed Trump in a song he released in 2015, and in another he released in 2015, but his harshest criticism came in October when he shared a little freestyle at the BET Hip Hop Awards.

He touched on the controversy surrounding the professional athletes that have chosen to kneel during the national anthem before games as a form of protest and Trump's ridiculous reaction to them.

"Now, if you're a black athlete, you're a spoiled little brat for trying to use your platform or your stature to try to give those a voice who don't have one," he rapped.

"He gets an enormous reaction when he attacks the NFL, so we focus on that instead of talking Puerto Rico or gun reform for Nevada. All these horrible tragedies and he's bored and would rather cause a Twitterstorm with the Packers."

Then, to his massive fan base, he stated "Any fan of mine who's a supporter of his, I'm drawing a line in the sane. You're either for or against, and if you can't decide who you like more and you're split on who you stand beside, I'll do it for you with this."

He then flipped off the camera, making it clear that he's not interested in sharing fans with Trump.

It was all pretty intense, right?

But it looks like he was saving even more vitriol for his new album.

Eminem released the album, titled Revival, yesterday, and he dedicated an entire song to Trump. The song is called "Like Home," and it features vocals by Alicia Keys.

He kicked off the very first verse with "Someone get this Aryan a sheet, time to bury him, so tell him to prepare to get impeached. Everybody on your feet."'

"This chump barely even sleeps, all he does is watch Fox News like a parrot and repeats while he looks like a canary with a beak."

"Why you think he banned transgenders from the military with a tweet?" he asked. "He's trying to divide us. The sh-t's like a cult, but like Johnny he'll only unite us. 'Cause nothing inside drives us like this fight does."

He admitted that "our spirits' crushed" and it's "hard to deal" with things right now, "but there's always tomorrow still."

Eminem in GQ

"If we start from the scratch like a scab, get the scars to heal and band together for Charlottesville, and for Heather [Heyer, the woman killed in Charlottesville], fallen heroes."

In the second verse though, he really went in on Trump:

Didn't wanna piss your base off, did ya? / Can't denounce the Klan, 'cause they play golf with ya

You stay on Twitter, way to get your hate off / Nazi, I do not see a way y'all differ

And all you got are race cards / Better get the swastika with your name carved in it / Should be your trademark, 'cause hate's all you played off / And you just lick the plate off

So I guess it pays to feed off of chaos / So basically, you're Adolf Hitler / But you ain't ruining our country, punk / Or taking our pride from us, you won't define us

'Cause like a dictionary, things are looking up / So much, got a sprained beck, know we would rise up against this train wreck and take a stand

Eminem in France

In the bridge, Alicia Keys sings "I won't give up on my home, that so many died for, you already know that I won't give up."

It's actually pretty emotional.

It's also not the only time he mentions a Trump on the album -- on a track called "Frame," he gets a little less realistic and a lot, lot darker.

The song is all about murder and just awful, violent crimes -- the point is that just because he says terrible things in his songs doesn't mean he actually does them. It really is pretty dark.

In the second verse, he raps "Woke up, it was dawn, musta knew something was wrong. Think I'm becoming a monster 'cause of the drugs that I'm on. Donald Duck's on as the Tonka Trunk in the yard."

"But dog, how the f-ck is Ivanka Trump in the trunk of my car? Gotta get to the bottom of it to try to solve it. Must go above and beyond, 'cause it's incumbent upon me, 'cause I feel somewhat responsible for the dumb little blonde."

So yes, it seems pretty safe to say that he has a whole, whole lot of anger for this entire family.

Do you think Eminem is going too far with these new songs?

USA Today Slays Donald Trump For Being Exactly Who We Thought He Was

In case you were unaware, Donald Trump sucks. I know it. You know it. Everyone knows it. And everyone has been saying it for well over a year now. But USA Today took it to new extremes in their article “Will Trump’s lows ever hit rock bottom?” from their editorial board.

The answer, by the way, is no.

Trump’s latest “low” is implying that a US Senator would offer sexual favors to Trump in exchange for money for his campaign. Yes. This is a real tweet.

And USA Today went in on Trump for this comment and, really, his entire Presidency.

A president who would all but call Sen. Kirsten Gillibrand a whore is not fit to clean the toilets in the Barack Obama Presidential Library or to shine the shoes of George W. Bush.

Trump apparently is going for some sort of record for lying while in office. As of mid-November, he had made 1,628 misleading or false statements in 298 days in office. That’s 5.5 false claims per day, according to a count kept by The Washington Post’s fact-checkers.

It makes no difference to him if an immigrant is a terrorist or a federal judge. He once smeared an Indiana-born judge whose parents emigrated from Mexico. It’s all the same to this president.

It is a shock that only six Democratic senators are calling for our unstable president to resign.

But a president who shows such disrespect for the truth, for ethics, for the basic duties of the job and for decency toward others fails at the very essence of what has always made America great.

Yeah, dude, where have you been?

I know this is blowing up on Twitter with people praising USA Today for their takedown, and it was great, but we’re a year into his reign. He’s been exactly the type of person we thought he was when we voted for him. The dude has always been racist and misogynist. He was accused of sexual assault long before everyone grabbed their pitchfork and went after Harvey Weinstein and Hollywood. He literally said, “I can shoot someone and not lose a vote.”

What the hell did we expect to happen when he took office?

I guess this is a big deal because the USA Today editorial board is typically centrist. But that just shows how long we all waited around before deciding that trash was trash. This decision should have been made last November.

At least Doug Jones won Alabama last night. I’m sure that won’t further enrage Trump or anything.

Three more years, folks. Three. More. Years.

Jimmy Fallon is Losing to Stephen Colbert Because People Really Hate Trump

The conventional wisdom in television used to be that you don’t want to get too political or you’d alienate half your audience. Even last year when Arrow decided to get political and do a topical episode on mass shootings and gun control, the show explicitly refused to make any sort of statement towards one side or the other. Which is fine, but Green Arrow’s most defining trait as a comic book character is his outspoken left-wing political orientation. Still, even a show about the most explicitly political character in comics shies away from taking a political stance for fear of alienating its audience.

This “stand in the middle and don’t get too political” strategy has failed to pay off for Jimmy Fallon, as since the election of Donald Trump, Fallon has fallen behind Stephen Colbert in viewership, placing him second place in the late night ratings war, and just barely ahead of third-place host Jimmy Kimmel.

Critics of President Trump have been quick to attribute this to Fallon’s non-confrontational approach to having Trump on his show during the election, contrasted by Colbert’s broadside assault on conservatives, something he was famous for already coming from his long runs as a correspondent on The Daily Show and host of The Colbert Report. But is there any truth to the idea that it’s politics rather than personality that’s pushing ratings in late night?

Well, yeah, there is, and it’s the correlation with cable news ratings we’ve seen in the Trump era, as MSNBC is ascendant with CNN and Fox News declining, on the back of late night’s new queen, the increasingly detached from reality Rachel Maddow. Since the election, Dr. Maddow’s program has veered further from the solid, evidence-based reporting she provided in her Air America days and more into the neoliberal conspiracy theory territory trod by former British MP Louise Mensch and her ilk. Maddow’s turn to being the center-left’s version of Glenn Beck has rewarded her with the title of top rated cable news show, beating arch-conservative blowhard Sean Hannity in demographic viewership. Fox News still has the highest viewership numbers, but center-left MSNBC is the only cable news network to have a growing instead of shrinking audience.

One interesting note is that Fallon still holds an edge, albeit a much-decreased edge, in demographic viewership over Colbert, where Colbert actually decreased in viewership over last year. This means all of Colbert’s growth in the past year has been from viewers over the age of 50, as the younger viewers who left Fallon’s audience, nearly 300,000 of them, dropped out of watching late night talk shows altogether.

What this means is that, surprise, surprise, having a historically unpopular president means that a lot of people like it when you call him an asshole. Trump’s approval rating is lower than Gerald Ford’s approval rating, and Gerald Ford wasn’t even elected. Under normal circumstances, being apolitical is the safest bet, but in the current climate, Trump has managed to be so unpopular that the conventional wisdom no longer applies.

Hero Twitter Employee Who Deactivated President Trump’s Account Gives First Interview

Remember that time when, for 11 glorious minutes, Donald Trump didn’t have a Twitter account? And then all the Pepe avatars went nuts and wanted the guy who did it arrested for treason? Well, aside from all the other reasons it’s insane to think not letting a guy use Twitter is treason, it turns out the employee in question isn’t even American.

Said employee, a contractor who was leaving Twitter, is named Bahtiyar Duysak, and I’m sure Hannity is already calling him a terrorist or something equally ridiculous, but TechCrunch caught up with him in Germany and got an interview that shed some light on what happened on Duysak’s last day working for Twitter’s Trust and Safety department and why it happened.

His last day at Twitter was mostly uneventful, he says. There were many goodbyes, and he worked up until the last hour before his computer access was to be shut off. Near the end of his shift, the fateful alert came in.

This is where Trump’s behavior intersects with Duysak’s work life. Someone reported Trump’s account on Duysak’s last day; as a final, throwaway gesture, he put the wheels in motion to deactivate it. Then he closed his computer and left the building.

Trump broke the rules, so he, as part of his job description and in line with Twitter’s rules, deactivated Trump’s account. The thing is, he didn’t know he actually could deactivate Trump’s account. Because for all of the people constantly calling for Trump to be banned from Twitter, Twitter’s internal policies basically protect Trump from ever losing access to the platform.

Duysak describes the event as a “mistake.” Specifically, he told us, he never thought the account would actually get deactivated.

In fact, it appeared that Trump’s account was essentially protected from being deactivated over Terms of Service violations. In June, Twitter explained why: Some tweets that seemingly violate its terms of service are nevertheless “newsworthy” and therefore in the public interest to keep up.

I’m personally on Twitter’s side here, you can’t ban the President of the United States from your platform even if he is an asshole. There’s a public interest in letting the president address the public, regardless of the content of his message. We gave him the unilateral authority to initiate a nuclear first strike against anyone he wants, so why the hell are we so worried about him having a Twitter account?

Now, they aren’t legally obligated to allow the president to have a Twitter account, either. And for the people who think Duysak broke some kind of law, he didn’t. He didn’t do anything outside the scope of his duties at Twitter. He did the job he was given in the way he was told to do it, and not agreeing with the outcome doesn’t make it illegal.

“I didn’t hack anyone. I didn’t do anything that I was not authorized to do,” he told us when we met in Germany. “I didn’t go to any site I was not supposed to go to. I didn’t break any rules.”

I do think it takes some huge balls to make a statement that the president should have to play by the same rules as everyone else. Twitter’s recent crackdown on “bad behavior” has been rather silly and over-reaching, mainly silencing anyone who’s a little too mean to anyone with a checkmark. Basically, they don’t want someone like Leslie Jones talking about some nobody Breitbart editor harassing her on their platform again more than they care about “toxicity”.

Donald Trump Hasn’t Tweeted About Eminem Because He’s White

Over a month ago, Eminem ethered Donald Trump with a decent rap behind a powerful message. Here it is again, in case you forgot the lyrics.

Just about everyone applauded Eminem for his rap and most expected that Trump would send out an angry tweet in response. Eminem himself figured a tweet would be sent.

But, nothing happened.

In a new interview with Shade45, Eminem expressed his frustration on Trump’s non-response.

“I was and am still extremely angry. I can’t stand that motherfucker. I feel like he’s not paying attention to me. I was kind of waiting for him to say something and for some reason, he didn’t say anything.”

Let me tell you that reason, Marshall.

You’re white.

Donald Trump isn’t paying attention to any white person who is against him because that’s his only fanbase right now. If he attacks a white person, he’s going to lose the white support. He can’t afford to lose that support.

That’s why he’s taking hours out of his day to tweet about NFL players, NBA players, ESPN anchors, and LaVar Ball. Every non-political personality that he’s attacked all have the same thing in common: they are all black.

Eminem might be the blackest white person walking the face of the Earth, but he’s still white. And Trump isn’t going to say anything bad about him.

Eminem should spend less time worrying about an angry Donald Trump tweet and more time worrying about…I’m not sure exactly. He has a new album coming out, but that’s probably not much cause for concern. Even if it sucks, it’s going to sell a million copies in a couple of weeks.

I guess Eminem doesn’t have a whole lot of problems right now. In that case, keep attacking Donald Trump until he responds that you’re a bad person and blocks you on Twitter, Em.

Kathy Griffin Still Thinks She’s the Victim in Donald Trump Decapitation

Earlier this year, Kathy Griffin was an idiot and posed with a life-like doll of Donald Trump. Oh, the doll was beheaded with blood running down the face and everything. Some people thought it was real, including Trump’s 11-year-old son Barron.

This was a dumb idea, and to make it worse, Griffin thought she was the victim. She complained about Trump and the media targeting her and how he was holding down powerful women and blah blah blah.

Don’t look now, but Griffin is still complaining.

Just what we need, Kathy Griffin addressing her union.

In the video, Griffin says that she’s being blacklisted from Hollywood. No talk shows are booking her, her legal bills are piling up, she has no jobs offers, and blah blah blah.

I’m fully in the middle of a blacklist, a Hollywood blacklist. It is real. I’m not booked on any talk shows. I’m selling tickets worldwide which is really hard when you don’t have any kind of a television platform and kind of nobody has your back…

I just want you guys to know that when I get home I don’t have one single day of paid work in front of me…my legal bills are through the roof…I still say the end goal is for younger women and younger LGBT folks or disenfranchised people of any kind can watch me survive, and with a sense of humor.

It turns out, posing with a decapitated Trump head, and then reneging on your apology, isn’t the smartest move in the world. Yeah, even though no one really likes Trump, especially those who host late night talk shows, they’re not dumb enough to have photos with a fake dead body of him.

They’re also not dumb enough to have you on their show so you can act like it’s a good idea to do such a thing. Or, so they can receive backlash and angry tweets from the Presidents. That kind of publicity isn’t worth it when they can just make some Trump jokes in their monologue and then talk to one of the Hemsworth brothers about his new movie. As much as these guys dislike Trump, they don’t want to keep talking about Trump.

Maybe your legal bills would not be so high if you didn’t scare an 11-year-old boy into thinking his dad is dead. Make smarter choices.

And who the hell was booking Kathy Griffin prior to this incident anyway?

Texas Hero Says ‘Fuck Trump’, ‘Fuck The County Sheriff’ and ‘Fuck You’

Karen Forsenca, a Texas woman who had a bumper sticker that read “Fuck Trump and fuck you for voting for him” is upping her game.

Following her bumper sticker going viral, she was arrested on fraud charges by Fort Bend County Sheriff Troy Nehls, a guy who definitely voted for Trump. He posted a picture of the bumper sticker and was looking for information on who owned the vehicle. So, he was definitely looking for something. The charges stemmed from a 2014 outstanding warrant. They likely would have been ignored if this sheriff didn’t vote for Trump and wasn’t butthurt that Forsenca said, “fuck you.”

Forsenca didn’t take too kindly to the arrest. She was released on bail and updated her bumper sticker to read “Fuck Troy Nehls and fuck you for voting for him.”

This woman has the biggest balls of anyone on Earth. She not only went all out to voice her displeasure over Trump, she did the same thing against the county sheriff. I don’t think people realize how powerful bumper stickers can be, either. We see hundreds of bumper stickers every day and we remember all of them. You know that you come home and tell your significant other about a bumper sticker that you saw while stuck in traffic. If I saw a “Fuck Trump and fuck you for voting for him” bumper sticker, I’d probably take a picture and post it to my Instagram, if I had an Instagram.

The next logical step for Forsenca is to run for sheriff of Bend county. Turn this into a real-life Walking Tall. Get The Rock on your side and bring your own form of law and justice to Bend county.

This is what I’m rooting for now. And if you’re not rooting for this, then fuck you for not voting for Karen Forsenca.

Donald Trump Bitches About Marshawn Lynch Sitting for the National Anthem

Marshawn Lynch is the best. He plays chicken with buses and hangs out in the crowd after being ejected from the game. There’s no point in trying to figure out what Marshawn is thinking or doing because he’s an enigma.

Marshawn has sat for the national anthem this entire season. He probably sat during the national anthem last season as well, even though he wasn’t in the league. His head coach, Jack del Rio, says it’s “just Marshawn being Marshawn,” which is not entirely untrue. It’s also not entirely true, because Marshawn is a smart guy is obviously doing this as a form of protest.

While Lynch sat for the American national anthem, he stood for the national anthem of Mexico. The Raiders met the Patriots in Mexico City, which is why both national anthems were played. This didn’t sit too well with Donald Trump.

This dude is really still blaming players kneeling as the reason why ratings and attendance are down? No one is tuning out because Marshawn Lynch sits during the national anthem. They’re tuning out because a star gets injured every Sunday and who the hell wants to watch the Packers without Aaron Rodgers?

Maybe Trump should worry more about his approval rating than NFL ratings. He knows that he’s bringing more attention to it with his childish tweets, right? I didn’t know Marshawn stood for the national anthem of Mexico until I saw this story. And I still don’t care.

I’m all for the Raiders benching Marshawn, but not because he sits for the anthem. He looks every bit like a 30-year-old running back with over 2,000 carries to his name.

Come on, Donald. Your Patriots roughed up the Raiders down in Mexico City. Isn’t that enough? They went to Mexico City and did what you’ve been failed to do this past year. They built a wall around the Raiders offense and prevented them from entering the endzone.

North Korea Sentences President Donald Trump to Death

Kim Jong-Un, welcome to the #Resistance.

As you may know, US President Donald Trump was recently on a diplomatic tour of Asia. While he was in Vietnam, presumably taking a shit in the middle of the night, he made this tweet.

That’s the President of the United States talking about “haters”. I want to kill myself, or at least wake up from whatever second-rate YA nightmare I’m having. That tweet actually has nothing to do with this story, by the way, I just wanted to point out that it exists so you can all think about the fact that we, as a nation, decided we should give this guy the unilateral authority to launch a nuclear strike.

Here’s the other tweet Trump made while shitting, the one that actually matters to this story.

Turns out North Koreans, at least the ones who run the state media, don’t like it when you call their supreme leader “short and fat”. According to The Guardian, the North Korean state-run newspaper Rodong Sinmun published an editorial excoriating Trump, including this passage:

“The worst crime for which he can never be pardoned is that he dared [to] malignantly hurt the dignity of the supreme leadership,” the editorial said.

“He should know that he is just a hideous criminal sentenced to death by the Korean people,” it added.

Now, it’s important to keep perspective. This is just rhetoric by a guy whose job it is to kiss Kim Jong-Un’s ass. He’s basically the North Korean version of pretty much anyone on Fox News not named Shep Smith. He doesn’t actually have the power to condemn the US President to death.

But what this whole incident highlights is how absolutely terrible Trump is at diplomacy. This is what his supporters thought would be his strong suit, he promised to make “great deals, the best deals” or something. What he’s actually done as president is make petulant tweets that make it much harder for actual diplomats to do their job.

I don’t know what we were really expecting, this is a man who lost money as a casino owner. It’s not his fault that North Korea has nuclear weapons, that actually happened because David Frum thought it would sound Islamophobic if all the countries in George W. Bush’s Axis Of Evil were in the Middle East so he threw North Korea in there at the last minute. But Trump is the president , and he has to solve diplomatic crises, not make them worse by hurling insults on Twitter like some 15-year-old YouTube commenter.

‘Cards Against Humanity’ Buys The Mexican Border To Stop Trump’s Wall

Donald Trump is still going on about how he’s going to build a wall along the border with Mexico. He brings it up from time to time, whenever his poll numbers are down (which is pretty much all the time) or he suffers a legislative defeat (which, again, is all the time). I suppose it’s a better strategy than starting an illegal war of aggression in the Middle East, but if Saudi Arabia and Israel have anything to say about it, we’ll be doing that soon, too.

This border wall is, of course, a colossally stupid idea. It will cost trillions of dollars, money that could and should go to building and rebuilding our national infrastructure. It’s also racist, because the rhetoric is Mexico is full of violent criminals. Even though there are more firearms-related deaths per capital in the United States than in Mexico, it’s just that Mexicans tend to be swarthy. Trump should really just be content to build the equally pointless, equally racist, but slightly less wasteful border fence the last three presidents and Hillary Clinton wanted to build.

Well, someone is standing up to Trump and taking direct action to oppose the border wall that, no matter what President Trump tells you, Mexico is not going to pay for. That person is Max Temkin, creator of Cards Against Humanity and former Obama campaign intern. It started simply enough with a tweet from an employee leading to Cards Against Humanity’s 2017 holiday promotion.

Past Cards Against Humanity holiday promotions have included raising the price of game by $5, sending a box of literal bullshit for $6, selling absolutely nothing for $5, and digging a hole for no reason as long as donations continued. All of these promotions have been wildly successful.

This year’s promotion is an actual thing that people would want to receive, including cards to expand your Cards Against Humanity game. It’s called Cards Against Humanity Saves America, and the proceeds are being used to stop Donald Trump from building a border wall through direct action.

Here’s what they have to say about the project on their website.

Donald Trump is a preposterous golem who is afraid of Mexicans. He is so afraid that he wants to build a twenty-billion dollar wall that everyone knows will accomplish nothing. So we’ve purchased a plot of vacant land on the border and retained a law firm specializing in eminent domain to make it as time-consuming and expensive as possible for the wall to get built.

On Day 1, all Cards Against Humanity Saves America recipients will get an illustrated map of the land, a certificate of our promise to fight the wall, some new cards, and a few other surprises.

So how successful was this promotion? It sold out in less than half of a day.

Pretty impressive, and it shows you how popular this game is and how unpopular President Trump is. Personally, I’m just mad I didn’t get one.

Bryan Cranston Says ‘Fuck You’ to People Hoping Trump Fails

Bryan Cranston is certainly not a fan of Donald Trump, having said he liked Bernie Sanders while he described himself as “fiscally conservative and socially liberal” in a 2015 interview promoting his film Trumbo, which is essentially what people say when they don’t understand politics and want to sound intelligent and reasonable while pointing out how not racist they are. Basically, he was a Hillary man without being insufferable about it.

So it probably comes as a bit of a surprise that Cranston had a big “fuck you” for people who want Trump to fail as president in an interview with The Hollywood Reporter promoting his new film, Last Flag Flying. 

It’s just astonishing to me. President Trump is not the person who I wanted to be in that office, and I’ve been very open about that. That being said, he is the president. If he fails, the country is in jeopardy. It would be egotistical for anyone to say, “I hope he fails.” To that person I would say, fuck you. Why would you want that? So you can be right?

I don’t want him to fail. I want him to succeed. I do. I honestly do. … And if you’ve got a good idea that helps the country, oh man, I’m gonna support you. I don’t care if you’re a Republican and I’m a Democrat or whatever, I don’t care. A good idea’s a good idea. Let’s do that. We’ve got to get away from this idea that our country is political football, and someone with a different opinion is the enemy. Assume they love this country as much as you do, and there’s always room for improvement. How can we make it better?

He’s not really wrong here, at least insofar as it would be bad for everyone if Trump fails. Failure by the president means failure for the country. Look at what happened when Herbert Hoover and, to a lesser extent, George W. Bush failed. And neither of them were tweeting that a guy with a nuclear arsenal potentially capable of reaching the United States has a small dick at 2 A.M.

But being a great actor doesn’t make you politically informed, either. Many of the things that Trump and the Republicans hope to accomplish need to fail for the good of the country, like cuts to Medicare and Medicaid. Not to mention Trump is actively trying to make health insurance more expensive for many Americans so he can repeal Obamacare and make health insurance much, much more expensive for all Americans. I think we can agree that hoping Trump fails at that is appropriate.

Celebrities on Racism

After the catastrophe in Charlottesville, performer Kal Penn tweeted to commend the assorted variety of the US and scrutinize President Trump’s dithering in openly denouncing the white patriot dissenters. In spite of the fact that the president, and a few individuals from his organization, did later denounce the savagery, Penn and numerous others were offended by the president’s judgment of “many sides,” which was generally translated as likening vicious white patriot dissenters with the counter-dissidents.

Penn is no more bizarre to activism. Recently he utilized a bigot tweet to dispatch a gathering pledges crusade to help Syrian exiles and put Hollywood on impact for depending on supremacist generalizations in a progression of tweets. He was likewise an individual from the President’s Committee on the Arts and Humanities under both President Obama and President Trump — until he and everything except one other advisory group part surrendered a week ago in a challenge of the president’s reaction to the white patriot rally in Charlottesville. John Legend not just censured the viciousness that happened in Charlottesville, however, kept on standing in opposition to the recognition of the individuals who pushed for and were key supporters of regulated prejudice.

The US detains individuals at a higher rate than some other nation, and the mind larger part of those imprisoned are non-white individuals — principally dark and Latinx, as indicated by the Prison Policy Initiative.

George Takei, best known for playing Sulu in “Star Trek,” has been a vocal dissident for LGBT rights and against prejudice, and he didn’t waver to talk up in the repercussions of Charlottesville.

A Japanese-American, Takei and his family were sent to an internment camp in Arkansas when he was 4 years of age; his experience has enlivened him to get out racial and political unfairness around him.

“The ghastliness of the internment lay in the racial ill will the administration itself spread. It threw together contempt and dread toward a whole gathering of individuals construct exclusively with respect to our heritage,” he wrote in the New York Times. “Consider that today we require just supplant “Japanese-Americans” with “Muslims” for the parallels to rise.” The 20-year-old performing artist and vocalist is no more bizarre to prejudice or discussion. She rapidly stood in opposition to the savagery and prejudice in Charlottesville, yet this isn’t the first run through she’s utilized online networking to denounce bigotry.

The previous POTUS shared a photograph and Nelson Mandela cite post-Charlottesville, and the tweet about broke the Internet. As per Twitter, with more than 4.5 million preferences and 1.6 million re-tweets, this is the most preferred tweet ever. President Obama revolted against bigotry and called for solidarity in the US all through his administration and has pledged to keep taking a shot at accomplishing equity for young fellows of shading in the US.

At a current question and answer session in the anteroom of Trump Tower, President Donald Trump multiplied down on his unique remarks that “many sides” were in charge of the vicious revitalizes in Charlottesville, VA. where a man accepted to be a racial oppressor purportedly drove his auto into a horde of counter-demonstrators, slaughtering a lady simultaneously. Amid the question and answer session, Trump guarded a parade that included light conveying white patriots who droned “blood and soil” and “Jews won’t supplant us,” by lessening them to “individuals dissenting discreetly the bringing down of the statue of Robert E. Lee.” Following his comments, the President got the reaction for his remarks, particularly online where the general population calls out on his question and answer session. This is clearly not a decent season for some Trump News. Some of his most vocal spoilers on the Internet were prominent VIPs who utilized their stage to scrutinize the President as well as to demonstrate bolster for groups who were underestimated by his position.

 

Meryl Streep’s Latest Role: Being Donald Trump! [PHOTOS]

 

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Tom Brady Finally Gives an Opinion on Trump

In an effort to unite America over the weekend, Donald Trump attacked football. I know you’re probably thinking that Trump is dividing the country with his comments about players kneeling for the national anthem, but let’s give Trump some credit. He knows that nothing brings the country together like being pissed off at him and football. So, he’s killing two birds with one stone. He’s making the United States pissed off at him over football.

Following Trump’s comments about firing NFL players who kneel during the anthem, teams released vague statements about “being united” and whatever. The statements are pretty meaningless given that most of them don’t even mention Trump, just, “recent comments aimed at our players.” However, Trump BFF Tom Brady did comment on the Donald’s words during his weekly WEEI radio appearance.

“I certainly disagree with what he said. I thought it was just divisive.”

Good on Brady for speaking up. His words carry a lot of weight in the NFL given that he’s the biggest star in the league and I’m sure most didn’t expect him to comment. Do I think this is more about him not wanting to cause issues with the team than his disapproval of Trump? Yes, but he still had an opinion on the matter, which is more than we can say about most NFL quarterbacks.

Brady went on to say that teammates have never asked him about his relationship with Trump. When asked about Patriots fans who booed players who kneeled, here’s what he had to say:

“I think everyone has a right to do whatever they want to do. If you don’t agree with it, that’s fine, you can voice your disagreement; I think that’s great. It’s part of our democracy, as long as it’s done in a peaceful, respectful way. That’s what this country has been all about.”

There’s the line-toeing Tom we’ve all come to love and appreciate. I hope Brady takes a knee during the anthem this weekend just to see how Patriots fans react. Sure, it’s easy to boo the back-up defensive lineman for kneeling, but are they really gonna boo Tom friggin Brady?

Even though Brady doesn’t approve of Trump’s comments, the fact that he endorsed Trump and his owner donated to Trump’s campaign makes Tom and the Patriots part of the reason we’re in this mess.

Remember the good ol’ days when sports and politics were separate and the President cared more about fixing our country than a guy kneeling during a football game?

Anthony Bourdain, American Hero, Says He’d Poison Donald Trump Given the Chance

TMZ stopped Anthony Bourdain at LAX for a little chat last week and asked him what he’d serve if he was asked to cater peace talks between Donald Trump and Kim Jong-un. Bourdain, showing exactly the qualities that make us love Anthony Bourdain, replied “Hemlock,” which is almost exactly the plot of the episode of Archer he guested on.

Bourdain later told Fox News, perhaps sarcastically, that he meant to say kale.

Of course the right wing has their panties in a bunch again, like they did with Kathy Griffin. They didn’t get that upset when Ted Nugent, a man who shit his pants for days to get out of going to Vietnam, threatened to kill President Barack Obama on multiple occasions. During the 2012 election, Nugent famously said “If Barack Obama becomes the president in November, again, I will be either be dead or in jail by this time next year.” As president, Trump invited Nugent to the White House.

The same people condemning Bourdain applauded President Trump when he, as a candidate, said of Hillary Clinton “If she gets to pick her judges, nothing you can do, folks. Although the Second Amendment people — maybe there is, I don’t know,” a pretty clear call for the assassination of the former Secretary of State.

And who could forget the 2010 midterm election when Sharron Angle, running against then Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid, said “And you know, I’m hoping that we’re not getting to Second Amendment remedies. I hope the vote will be the cure for the Harry Reid problems,” suggesting that Republicans should simply assassinate Democrats if they don’t win elections.

Republicans voted for these people. Donald Trump suggested Hillary Clinton needed to be assassinated if she won the presidency, and 60 million people voted for him to be president. And now those same people act like the world is ending when Johnny Depp makes a joke about how an actor killed Lincoln.

I’m tired of the pretend outrage when someone says something like this. We all know Anthony Bourdain was joking and he isn’t really going to serve Donald Trump hemlock, because he’s not going to cook for him. And if you vote for someone who suggests his opponent should be assassinated so she doesn’t appoint some middling, center-right pro-corporate judge to the Supreme Court then you don’t get to act like a celebrity making a joke is over the line.

Donald Trump Supporters Burning MAGA Hats Out of Hate

Donald Trump supporters are now angry at Donald Trump for basically being Donald Trump.

In Trump’s latest attempt to switch sides and please everyone while pleasing no one, he made a DACA deal, but the deal doesn’t include the infamous wall that he promised. Because Trump has broken pretty much the only promise anyone can remember him making during his campaign, people are pissed. So pissed that they’re burning Make America Great Again hats.

Well, he sort of burned it. It’s more toasted than anything. I’m pretty sure it’s still wearable, it’s just had a couple of rough seconds.

This guy, who doesn’t even look old enough to vote, does a slightly better job. And by slightly better I mean, he’s still an embarrassing human who should be ashamed of himself for posting that video on the internet.

Finally, a guy who has seen plenty of jersey burning videos when a sports player leaves their favorite team. You always throw the thing you don’t like in a trash can and set it on fire. It’s not surprising that Cleveland Simms figured it out given that he probably burned his Kyrie Irving jersey a few weeks ago.

This guy got the hang of it as well.

Now that’s how it’s done. You burn the hat and then leave it on the side of the road for someone else to pick up and throw away.

How has no one set the hat on fire, left it on a porch, rang the doorbell, and then hoped that the homeowner comes out and steps on it? Record that, upload it, and you’ll be an internet hero.

Let me give you pyromaniacs a little advice: don’t burn the hat. You probably paid $25 for it. It was a waste of money then, but now you’re almost literally burning money. Just waterboard or drown the hat. That way, when you decide to be a Trump supporter again in a week, you still have your hat.

Floyd Mayweather Says Donald Trump’s ‘Grab ‘Em By the Pussy’ is How Real Men Talk

Those who have followed Floyd Mayweather’s career know that he’s a pretty terrible human being. Only a terrible human being would beat his wife in front of his kids. To Mayweather’s credit, he’s turned being a terrible human being into a marketable persona that has allowed him to make millions of dollars. So, he’s not entirely dumb.

And those who have followed Donald Trump’s career know that he’s a pretty terrible human being. Only a terrible human being would be openly racist while trying to run a country. To Trump’s credit, he’s turned being a terrible human being into being the President of the United States. So, America is almost entirely dumb.

Remember when Donald Trump wanted to “grab them by the pussy?” It was a line that proved he was an egotistical sexist and yet women still voted for him. It should have sunk his campaign. But. Women. Still. Voted. For. Him.

Not so surprisingly, Floyd Mayweather had no issue with that line. Here’s what Mayweather told Hollywood Unlocked in an interview:

“People don’t like the truth… He speak like a real man spoke. Real men speak like, ‘Man, she had a fat ass. You see her ass? I had to squeeze her ass. I had to grab that fat ass.’ Right? So he talking locker room talk. Locker room talk. ‘I’m the man, you know what I’m saying? You know who I am. Yeah, I grabbed her by the pussy. And?'”

Ah, the good ol “locker room talk” excuse. If that’s such a standard in the locker room, how come we never hear about anyone else making such comments? I guess no one else is a real man because they don’t walk up to women and just grab them by the pussy.

Mayweather had more to say about Trump, but some of the quotes are so cringeworthy that I can’t even bring myself to relay them. Ah well, that’s why they pay me the big bucks:

The thing is this: too many people are worried about what Trump is doing and what other presidents are doing, instead of worrying about what you’re trying to do and what level you’re trying to get to. See, my thing is I don’t give a fuck about what nobody else doing. I got to worry about what I’m trying to do and where I’m trying to get to. A lot of times, it’s, ‘Aw, man, it’s going to affect us.’ My man, if you ain’t making 400, 500, $600 million, it’s not going to affect you no fucking way. It’s only going to affect somebody like me. I’m the motherfucker that should be tripping—paying $34 million, $25 million, $26 million [in taxes].

If only there was more to life than paying taxes.

“I feel people shy away from realness. This man didn’t do nothing. Listen, if y’all didn’t want the man in the White House, y’all should have voted the other way. It ain’t like he went and robbed—he done his homework. He did what he had to do and he got there.”

Well, he’s got us there.

The three faces of America. Good job, America.

Jennifer Lawrence Thinks Donald Trump Can Cause Natural Disasters

Houston got destroyed by Hurricane Harvey. Florida and other East Coast states might be destroyed by Hurricane Irma. And it’s all your fault, America.

Not because of global warming, which is totally not a thing despite all the evidence. It’s all your fault for voting Donald Trump as president. So sayeth Oscar winning actress Jennifer Lawrence.

In speaking to Channel 4 in Britain, Lawrence was asked about America and the “end of days” feeling due to the hurricanes and Trump. Here was her response:

“You know, it’s this new language that’s forming. I don’t even recognize it. It’s also scary to know that climate change is due to human activity, and we continue to ignore it, and the only voice that we really have is through voting.”

When the reporter mentioned the voting results, Lawrence said that it was “startling” that Trump won and then gave the following comment:

“You’re watching these hurricanes now, and it’s hard — especially while promoting this movie, not to feel Mother Nature’s rage and wrath.”

Yikes, not the best look, J-Law. I’d like to think that she wasn’t outright blaming these hurricanes on how Americans voted, but her word choice was certainly poor.

She wasn’t done with Trump or America, though:

“It’s really polarizing and upsetting. I’ve heard things and seen things on TV in my own country that devastate and make me sick. It’s really confusing.”

“I don’t find him confusing. I think I know exactly what he is,”

Yeah, that’s a bit more like it. Very few are happy with Trump and the way he does things, but he can’t be blamed for these hurricanes. He can be blamed for acting like the hurricanes are a good thing and doing very little about the victims, but he can’t be blamed for the actual hurricanes.

Or, maybe he can. Honestly, if we can’t blame Trump for everything that sucks right now, who can we blame?

Screw it. I’m on Team Lawrence. These hurricanes are your fault, Donald.

Emboldened Kathy Griffin Finds Her Spine and Retracts Apology for Decapitated Trump Photo

A few months ago, Kathy Griffin posed for a photo with an effigy of Donald Trump’s bloody, decapitated head. When all the normal suspects on Twitter and cable news acted outraged at the image, Griffin made a standard apology. Now, in an appearance on the Australian morning show Sunrise, Griffin says she isn’t sorry at all.

My favorite part of that video is when host Samantha Armytage asks, in her unbearably posh Australian accent, “Do you not accept that was a little bit over the line?” to which Griffin casually asserts “No, you’re full of crap, stop this.”

I’m with Kathy Griffin here. Trump supporters have spent over a year whining about how the left wants to take away free speech and political correctness is bad, but as soon as someone says something they don’t like, they applaud the Secret Service treating them like a criminal.

Kathy Griffin makes a really good point when she says, “Stop acting like my little picture is more important than talking about the actual atrocities that the President of the United States is committing.” If you’re keeping score at home, Donald Trump all but sided with the white supremacists who carried out an ISIS-style terrorist attack in Charlottesville earlier this month, he pardoned Joe Arpaio, the Arizona sheriff famous for his inhumane treatment of prisoners, and since becoming president, he’s tried to ban Muslims from entering the country and transgender people from serving in the military. But Trump’s son was upset by Griffin’s picture, so clearly she’s the one who’s wrong here. By the way, Trump calls Barron “the smart one,” and I absolutely believe an 11-year-old is smarter than anyone else else in the Trump family. He’d almost have to be.

By the way, the spineless liberals like Chelsea Clinton who were tripping over themselves to denounce Griffin might be the worst people in this story. We need to stand up for free speech and artistic expression even when we don’t like it or else the promise of free speech is meaningless. Even if you think Kathy Griffin made a mistake by posing for that picture, and I do, it pales in comparison to the things Donald Trump has done as president. And focusing on denouncing her, especially at this point, is just giving Trump cover. There’s no moral equivalence between “took a tasteless photo” and “supports actual Nazis”.

Donald Trump Can’t Spell, Twitter Gives Him "Heel"

Donald Trump has done it, folks.

Brought the country together and acted like a rational human who actually cares about the citizens of America? HA! No.

Instead, Trump has somehow his Covfefe disaster on Twitter by misspelling the word "heal." Twice.

How did this error come about? And how did Twitter react to the mistake? Scroll down to find out!

1. The First Try:

The first try
Trump wrote this Tweet after initially slamming the protestors who stood against neo-Nazis in Boston as “anti-police agitators.” For the record, this is not how to spell the type of “heal” he meant.

2. The Second Try:

The second try
Nope, same word. Same misspelling.

3. The Third Try:

The third try
Look at that! It was the charm!

4. Remeber When He Said This?

Remeber when he said this
He really did.

5. Help from Merriam-Webster

Help from merriam webster
The folks behind the dictionary offered some assistance to the President.

6. Sir… Sir… SIR!

Sir sir sir
Just give me your phone, okay?

View Slideshow

Tina Fey to People Worried About Growing Nazi Threat: “Let Them Eat Sheet Cake”

Tina Fey was on a stand-alone version of SNL‘s Weekend Update last night and the Internet seems to be divided on whether the point she made about the growing white supremacist movement was pure genius or pure idiocy. Having watched her appearance, which you can see below, I’m inclined to say it was a bit of both.

During the course of her appearance, Fey made some great points about the state of American politics. Tina Fey is a very funny person and she has a gift for blending humor and political discourse. My personal favorite line of the night, delivered with her trademark timing and wit, was when she compared the police reaction to the Nazi protesters to that of the NoDAPL protesters at Standing Rock.

“Next time when you see a bunch of white boys in polo shirts screaming about taking our country back, and you want to scream, ‘It’s not our country; we stole it from the Native Americans, and when they have a peaceful protest at Standing Rock, we shoot at them with rubber bullets, but we let you chinless turds march through the streets with semi-automatic weapons!’ When you want to yell that, don’t yell it at the Klan, Colin—yell it into the cake. Then when Ann Coulter crawls out of her roach motel and says, ‘Antifa attacked Republicans in Berkeley,’ and you’re like ‘O.K., yard-sale Barbie, but the other side is Nazis and Klansmen.'”

However, the main thing most people took away from the segment was Tina Fey’s advice to stay home and stress eat sheet cake instead of counter-protesting. This message was seemingly tailor-made for the champagne liberals that made up Hillary Clinton’s support base, the rich elites of the Democratic Party who look down their noses at the activist left. I’m talking about people like J.K. Rowling, who calls herself left-wing but spent more time attacking Labour leader Jeremy Corbyn than Conservative Prime Minister Theresa May during the June snap election in the U.K.

Left Twitter, however, wasn’t having it, pointing out that Fey was advocating slackitivism in the face of an actual threat to actual people. This is an excellent point, especially considering that these Nazi chucklefucks have already actually killed someone. Some people, specifically marginalized people, don’t have the luxury of locking themselves in the penthouse of their high-rise and hoping these people just get bored and stop trying to create a white ethno-state.

The question is who is actually right on this? Should we let Nazi marchers yell into the void unchallenged or should we meet them head-on and counter-protest, even if that means we’ve got to wash some blood out of our clothes the next day? I strongly believe that it’s the latter. While the less intelligent people among us, such as President Donald Trump, will use any violence that may happen as an excuse to equivocate and say that the left are the actual violent ones, they’re going to do that anyway, no matter how much of a stretch it is. Before the violent protests at Berkeley this year, whataboutism usually brought up Bill Ayers and the Weather Underground, the 1970’s era left-wing terrorist group.

Another thing to remember, and I can’t stress this enough, these racist little manlet pricks are gigantic pussies. Look at Chris Cantwell, one of the Nazis at the Charlottesville rally. When interviewed by Vice News, he showed off his arsenal of weapons and said “We’re not non-violent, we’ll fucking kill these people if we have to.” When reports came in that there might be a warrant out for his arrest, he uploaded a video of him pissing his pants and literally crying, saying how scared he was. Oh, and he got kicked off of OK Cupid.

Donald Trump Fires Steve Bannon in an Effort to Unite America

Steve Bannon has been removed as White House chief strategist. I’d say this is a good thing because Bannon is a huge reason why Donald Trump is in office, but this will probably lead to someone worse taking the position. So yeah. Things are still bad.

Bannon was forced out because someone had to take the fall for Trump blaming both sides in Charlottesville.

I’m not going to pretend like I know a ton about Steve Bannon. The most I know about him is that he was portrayed as Death on Saturday Night Live.

Based on those skits and Bannon’s quotes where he calls people “clowns” and “losers,” I think it’s safe to say that he’s pretty much a Trump clone. I guess one Trump is better than two.

Bannon was given the option to step down gracefully, but does anyone in the White House do anything gracefully? Of course not. So, instead of falling on his sword for Trump, he was forced out by Trump. Both of these guys are terrible people.

Let’s go to Twitter for some reactions.

Is this a victory for America? Probably not. As I said, Trump will find someone worse and Bannon already did his damage by helping Trump get elected. This is nothing more than a Hail Mary by Trump. He knows he’s losing support and this is one of the most drastic measures he can take. Force out the only guy who comes close to him on the “we hate you” scale.

You know what his next drastic move will be in a month when we forget about this and he continues to do and say stupid things? War. Because the only thing that unites a country more than hating a single person is hating another country who we’re told is trying to destroy us.

Jimmy Kimmel Is Smart When He Calls Trump Supporters Stupid

Remember when we had a president who could go a single day without saying something incredibly stupid? Even George W. Bush could avoid saying something stupid by just continuing to read My Pet Goat. Our current president, however, seems to be biologically incapable of keeping his big trap shut and not making everything worse every single day.

This has not escaped Jimmy Kimmel. Kimmel wasn’t planning on doing his entire monologue about Trump on last night’s episode of Jimmy Kimmel Live!, but when the President of the United States sides with Nazis, it’s hard to talk about The Bachelor in Paradise. You can see Kimmel’s full monologue below.

Kimmel opened his remarks by saying, “I even thought ‘Hey, maybe we won’t talk about Donald Trump much tonight,’ and then he opened his mouth and all manner of stupid came out. This press conference … it was supposed to be about infrastructure and it ended with our president making an angry and passionate defense of white supremacists. It was like if your bookclub meeting turned into a cockfight.” He went on to say, “I feel like I can say this with reasonable certainty, the president is completely unhinged.”

Where’s the lie?

After showing just how unhinged Trump is, Jimmy reached out to Trump’s supporters, telling them he understood why Trump was an appealing candidate, but that maybe a full-throated defense of actual, literal Nazis chanting WWII-era Nazi slogans and carrying around cosplay shields and Nazi flags is too far and it’s time to come back to the side of sanity. Guess who didn’t like that?

If you said “a bunch of idiot Trump supporters on Facebook,” then you get a gold star. When Kimmel posted a YouTube video of his monologue to Facebook, a bunch of people crawled out of the woodwork to defend President Trump (side note: does anyone else feel a bit of vomit coming up the back of their throats when they say that? Just me?). Kimmel wasn’t having it, but he also wasn’t about to waste his time trying to reason with people who have seen what this president has done and still think he should be president. So he replied “you are a stupid person”. Over and over, to everyone showing up to defend Trump.

Jimmy Kimmel sort of hit on the perfect response. While it’s not literally true that you have to be stupid to be a racist, it’s not really worth lecturing someone on why chanting “The Jews will not replace us” is bad. If they’re not stupid, they’ve made an informed and reasoned decision that racism is better than introspection. While it’s possible for an intelligent person to be evil and racist, it does no more good to argue with such a person than it does to argue with a stupid person. Aside from being very funny, Kimmel was actually brilliant here in not letting these people go unchallenged while also not wasting time engaging with them.

Trump’s behavior was so unacceptable that even Kimmel’s competitor Jimmy Fallon, who has given politics a wide berth during his time as host of The Tonight Show, addressed the president’s response to Charlottesville, where Heather Heyer, an IWW member and Bernie Sanders supporter who had come to counter-protest the white supremacist March taking place, was murdered in a terrorist attack by one of the aforementioned white supremacists. Fallon has taken a lot of flak for his decision to not challenge Trump on his campaign during a September episode of The Tonight Show, instead opting to ruffle his hair. I feel for Fallon, he’s the host of The Tonight Show, not Meet the Press, and he’s not Steven Colbert. Jimmy Kimmel shows, however, that even a mostly non-political comic is better off being true to what he believes than in trying to please everyone all the time.

Barack Obama Puts Donald Trump’s Twitter Game to Shame

Barack Obama went on Twitter and was like, “@America how many likes to prove ya’ll miss me?” And America responded with “@BarackObama 3 million” and Obama concluded with “done.”

That’s the tweet that has earned Obama over 3.5 million likes, making it the most liked tweet in Twitter history, dethroning Ariana Grande’s first tweet following the attacks at her Manchester concert.

It’s a quote from Nelson Mandela’s book, but really it’s a subtweet directed at Donald Trump. While Trump is all, “Nazis are bad, but the people who attacked them are violent,” Obama shows what a President should be doing in this situation. Posting a quote from a legendary leader and then getting the hell off Twitter because our country is a mess.

Obama made that tweet on August 12 following the Charlottesville protests. He has not tweeted since. Let’s check in on Trump.

40 tweets. Five of them were retweets from people/outlets praising him. Here’s my personal favorite.

Either Trump spends a lot of time vanity searching himself and looking for praise so he can retweet or he pays someone to do that for him. Both situations sound like a bad use of government resources.

Trump’s most liked tweet since Aug. 12 is his first words on the Charlottesville situation.

It has less than 200,000 likes. In fairness to Trump, he only has 36 million followers compared to Obama’s 93 million. But even if you went by follower to like ratio, Trump comes out on the losing end. Poor guy. Thank God he has more credibility than Obama with North Korea because he has almost no credibility in America.

It probably doesn’t help that it only took him three days to completely change his tune. I guess we should applaud that he was able to keep his word for three days? Especially given this:

One day later.

That’s our President.

Man With Nuclear Launch Codes Needs Daily Folder of Media Praise

Every day when President Trump wakes up, White House and RNC staffers present him with a folder full of headlines, tweets and screenshots from news programs that portray President Trump positively. And then in the evening, they give him another one. And after over six months, the president’s only feedback has allegedly been, “It needs to be more fucking positive.”

This is all according to Vice News, who also add that this so-called “propaganda document” may not have been Trump’s idea.

Another current White House official said that the idea for the twice-daily ego boost came from Priebus and Spicer, who competed to deliver the folder and be the bearer of the good news. “Priebus and Spicer weren’t in a good position, and they wanted to show they could provide positive coverage,” the official said. “It was self-preservation.”

In the two-plus weeks following the departure of both Spicer and Priebus, White House officials say, the document has been produced less frequently and more typically after public events, such as Trump’s recent speech at the National Boy Scouts Jamboree in West Virginia. It’s unclear what will change, if anything, once a new White House communications director is appointed to replace the briefly tenured Anthony Scaramucci.

I can see how having Trump in a good mood may be a good thing for the country. Maybe if he sees enough positive tweets he won’t start a nuclear war with North Korea. Hell, if it’ll keep Guam and California from total nuclear annihilation, let’s send Senator Al Franken to the Oval every morning to get Trump to say, “I’m good enough, I’m smart enough and doggone it, people like me” into a mirror. I suppose there are worse things to get stroked in the Oval Office than your ego, though, and at least Trump’s staff is only metaphorically blowing him.

Chrissy Teigen Finally Wears Out Donald Trump, He Blocks Her on Twitter

Chrissy Teigen, a favorite of any good human being on Earth, finally got Donald Trump to block her on Twitter. Before we get to the tweet that Trump into a blocking rage, let’s take a look back at Chrissy’s previous tweets towards our current President.

It all started in 2011:

Those last three tweets show that Chrissy is not a psychic.

In the end, Trump broke Chrissy.

But what was the tweet that broke Trump?

“lol no one likes you.”

That’s all it took. Calling him a racist, calling him insane, fearing for our country because he’s the President. That was fine. But saying, “no one likes you.” That pushed Trump too far. Because, of course it did. If we’ve learned anything these months, it’s that the only thing Trump cares about is being liked. It’s why he spent so much time talking about the amount of votes he received and the turnout for his inauguration. It’s why he power grips during a handshake. He wants to be liked and he wants to be in charge. Blocking Chrissy was his way of saying, “You’re wrong. Everyone likes me. I have power.”

Trump blocking Chrissy over “lol no one likes you” is the perfect summation of Donald Trump.

The Most Awkward Trump Handshake Yet

Donald Trump sucks, and he sucks at doing all of the things he’s supposed to be good at. The author of the art of the deal can’t make a deal. He golfs every single week, and he’s not even a good golfer. Business-like handshakes are an important part of business, but the president famously shakes hands like a starving caveman who thinks he’s gripping a meal. He may have topped himself in Paris.

When Trump confronted similarly inexperienced but much smarter French Prime Minister Emmanuel Macron, the Frenchman was ready for the stupid trump grip. With steely eyes, Macron dared Trump to do his usual grab-n-yank, and Trump was intimidated. By a French Economist.

Being a craven loser, Trump decided to get his revenge on the Prime Minister’s wife. He grabbed her, pulled her in for the double-cheek kiss, then grabbed her hands and yanked them. You can see her trying to retain her dignity, but the coward with the title of the most powerful man in the world gave in to his predatory instincts to abuse women.

I guess if you’re too afraid of your co-worker, just be mean to his wife. That’s some business advice from the Celebrity Apprentice guy.