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Ennio Morricone Claims Playboy Germany Made up an Interview Where He Bashes Quentin Tarantino

Ennio Morricone is a legendary composer who has provided the soundtrack to hundreds of films, most notably the Sergio Leone-directed Dollars Trilogy (A Fistful of Dollars, For a Few Dollars More and The Good, The Bad and The Ugly), the seminal Clint Eastwood Western series. Even if you’ve never seen these films, you’re probably familiar with the soundtrack, especially the iconic theme to The Good, The Bad and The Ugly.

More recently, Morricone worked with Quentin Tarantino to provide the score for The Hateful Eight, which netted the composer his first Oscar win, though he had previously been given an Honorary Academy Award Oscar. He also won a Golden Globe and a BAFTA for his work on the film. Tarantino was also with Morricone when he recieved his star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame.

So it was kind of surprising when Morricone gave a scathing interview to Playboy Germany about Tarantino. In it, he calls Tarantino a “cretin” and says he steals his work from better directors, and calls his work “trash.” It’s rough. And according to Morricone, it’s made up.

Morricone gave this statement to The Hollywood Reporter:

It has come to my attention that Playboy Germany has come out with an article in which I have stated extremely negative comments about Tarantino and his films, and the Academy. I have never expressed any negative statements about the Academy, Quentin, or his films — and certainly do not consider his films garbage. I have given a mandate to my lawyer in Italy to take civil and penal action.

I consider Tarantino a great director. I am very fond of my collaboration with him and the relationship we have developed during the time we have spent together. He is courageous and has an enormous personality. I credit our collaboration responsible for getting me an Oscar, which is for sure one of the greatest acknowledgments of my career, and I am forever grateful for the opportunity to compose music for his film.

In London, during a press conference in front of Tarantino, I clearly stated that I consider Quentin one of the greatest directors of this time, and I would never speak poorly of the Academy – an important institution that has given to me two of the most important acknowledgments of my career.

That is a strong denial, and it’s certainly not the first time a magazine has been accused of making up an outrageous interview. 

But Playboy Germany is standing by the interview, insisting that Morricone did indeed give the interview and that the statements it reported were true.

“We are surprised that composer Ennio Morricone denies giving an interview to German Playboy,” the company said. “In fact, the conversation took place on June 30, 2018, at his estate in Rome. The interview, about the concert organizer Semmel Concerts, which was also present at the interview, had been agreed to with German Playboy. We also cannot understand that parts of the published statements were apparently not found to have been accurate.”

I don’t know who’s telling the truth here. Do we believe the award-winning and beloved composer who is 90 years old and has nothing to lose by speaking his mind or the German pornographer? I just don’t know. Of course, I wouldn’t be afraid to set my drink on a glass table in Morricone’s house, I can’t say the same thing about the Playboy Germany offices.

The post Ennio Morricone Claims Playboy Germany Made up an Interview Where He Bashes Quentin Tarantino appeared first on The Blemish.

To Compete With United, Delta Is Just Covering Passengers in Shit on Flights

There’s pretty much no end to the indignities suffered by airplane passengers these days. If security guards aren’t dragging you off of the flight that you paid to be on because they oversold it, they’re stuffing your pets into overhead bins and killing them. And that’s just United.

It turns out Delta wants in on the act of shitting all over passengers, and as USA Today reports, they’ve kicked it off by literally shitting all over a passenger.

Bay City resident Matthew Meehan had already sat down on his flight from Atlanta to Miami on Nov. 1 when he realized that feces was all over his seat and the surrounding floor, he told news outlets.

“I was literally in it,” he said.

How big of a mess was this plane that someone could sit down without realizing their seat was covered in shit? I’ve missed a lot things in my life, mostly when someone is flirting with me, but I’ve never sat down and thought “Hey, wait a second, is this seat covered in shit?

Here’s where the story takes a turn. The flight crew didn’t care that a passenger was covered in shit on their airplane.

Meehan said he asked flight attendants for help cleaning up, but they only provided two paper towels and a small bottle of Bombay Sapphire gin.

He cleaned himself and the seat as best he could. When he spoke to a manager, he said, she was dismissive and asked what his problem was.

There’s really only one correct answer when you’re covered in shit and one the people responsible asks you what your problem is. “You’re right, I’m sorry for getting so worked up. Here, let me give you a make-up hug to show there’s no hard feelings.”

He and his fellow passengers laid a blanket down on their seats for the remainder of the flight. Upon arrival, the aircraft was taken out of service to be cleaned and disinfected.

According to Delta, an ill service animal was aboard the previous flight. Meehan was offered a full refund and additional compensation.

I would rather fly Bob Denver Air than with any major airline at this point, honestly.

#Share #Delta #FecesI’m covered in FECES from the person that sat in the airplane seat before me. It’s on my legs,…

Posted by Matthew Meehan on Thursday, November 1, 2018

The post To Compete With United, Delta Is Just Covering Passengers in Shit on Flights appeared first on The Blemish.

This Guy Suing to Change His Age from 69 to 49 to Get More Tinder Matches

A self-proclaimed Dutch “motivational guru” named Emile Ratelband has launched a lawsuit in the Netherlands demanding to have his legal age changed from 69 to 49-years-old.

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Ha! I'm slow…I actually didn't think this was real when I saw someone share it on Twitter. I *must done fell* and forgot what generation I'm in. OF COURSE this is a real story! 🤦 BTW: For those not from the South *Must done fell* = must have fallen. You're welcome. Excerpt and link below. : : "A pensioner has begun a legal battle to be recognised as being 20 years younger than his actual age so he can go back to work and achieve greater success with women on Tinder. "Emile Ratelband, 69, argues that if transgender people are allowed to change sex, he should be allowed to change his date of birth because doctors said he has the body of a 45-year-old. The entrepreneur and self-help guru is suing his local authority after they refused the amend his age on official documents. "Mr Ratelband's case has now gone to a court in the city of Arnhmen in the eastern Dutch province of Gelderland. "The case has caused controversy in his homeland, with the Dutch edition of Vice, a news website, asking, "Is Emile Ratelband disturbed or accidentally extremely woke?"" More at: https://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/2018/11/07/dutch-man-69-identifies-20-years-younger-launches-legal-battle/ #emileratelband #ageaintnothingbutaFACT #reprobates

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I had to verify that this was a real story and not some satirical piece in the vein of The Onion. But no, it is indeed an authentic case in the Netherlands. Emile Raetlband is indeed in earnest about having his birthdate legally changed. His reasoning? He’ll get way more Tinder action if women think he’s 49. Raetlband says here:

“When I’m on Tinder and it says I’m 69, I don’t get an answer. When I’m 49, with the face I have, I will be in a luxurious position.”

I’m going to assume that Raetlband has never considered trying an over-50 dating site such as OurTime or SilverSingles.

And yes, he’ll be in a prime position with the ladies, alright. If these women are not significantly visually impaired, they are going to figure out this guy is a liar if they meet him in person. More likely, they’ll be running for the hills once they get a whiff of this guy’s oh-so-modest and charming personality. Especially when they find out that he once praised Osama bin Laden and the 9/11 attacks.

Raetlband has obnoxiously tried to compare himself with the transgender community claiming that he “doesn’t feel his age” and that his doctor has told him that he has “the body of a 45-year-old.” Raetlband has continued to describe himself as “a young god.”

I don’t know who this guy’s doctor is, but I’m guessing it’s the same one who said that Donald Trump would be “the healthiest president individual elected to the presidency.”

Raetlband’s case will be decided in four weeks’ time. I hope he’s banned from dating sites as punishment for wasting the court’s time. At the very least, publicize him far and wide as a warning to women everywhere.

The post This Guy Suing to Change His Age from 69 to 49 to Get More Tinder Matches appeared first on The Blemish.

See the Model G-Eazy Is Rebounding With, Much to Halsey’s Dismay

Now that G-Eazy and Halsey have split up, he’s doing what anyone else would do in his position and hitting the town with a gorgeous blonde model named Caroline Lowe. TMZ spotted the duo Monday at a Lakers’ game, even though she later claimed the two are just friends despite how close they were getting.  You know, like he was just friends with Demi Lovato last time he broke up with Halsey.

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raw w/ @ryanmichaelkelly 🌚…& yes I have a #cattat

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Top of the mornin to ya! Time to start my day 😴☕

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I would hate to be in her friend zone, there are so many better zones.

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cheeky cheeky w @derekkettela 🥀

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@nicksuarezphoto @brianadchapman

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The black and white makes it classy, so wear a bow tie while you’re bookmarking these pictures for later.

Halsey wasn’t too happy to learn her ex was getting back into the dating pool, though, according to HollywoodLife.

Halsey does not want G-Eazy back, but the pictures of him getting all handsy with that model still hurt,” a friend of Halsey’s EXCLUSIVELY tells HollywoodLife. “It is heartbreaking to her and not something she wants to see. She can’t believe he’s moving on so quickly and it makes her feel like what they had meant little to him.”

I’m sure G-Eazy is super broken up about his ex being unhappy. Remember, when you get dumped by a girl who tells everyone you have a small dick, consider her feelings before you go out on the town with a way more attractive woman.

The post See the Model G-Eazy Is Rebounding With, Much to Halsey’s Dismay appeared first on The Blemish.

See Hilary Duff’s Adorable New Baby

Hilary Duff had a baby and it’s super cute. Which is good, you don’t want minor celebrities to have ugly babies. But Duff’s baby is adorable and makes your baby look like a jerk. I’m not trying to be mean here, it’s just the truth.

It’s not really a surprise, the Lizzie McGuire star we all had a crush at one point if we’re being honest with ourselves has been posting pregnancy selfies to Instagram for what seems like at least eight months now.

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@gabejohns pow pow pow pow pow

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I feel like boxing is maybe not the best activity for pregnant women but I guess it beats working out on the falling-down-the-stairs-master.

Duff and her partner Matthew Koma named their daughter Banks Violet Bair, which is probably better than something like North Duff, that wouldn’t make any sense. Me, I’d have talked her into Surly Duff. Because 20 year old Simpsons references make the best baby names.

The post See Hilary Duff’s Adorable New Baby appeared first on The Blemish.

Is Kim Kardashian Trying to Make Her Ass Look Smaller?

Kim Kardashian is famous for one thing, and that thing is having a big ass. But in her latest Instagram photo shoot to promote her make-up line, Kim’s ass looks… smaller. Kind of regular sized, even. The ass of a peasant, not of someone who made a fortune showing off her ass and doing water sports with rappers.

I mean, I dunno, it’s fine, I guess, it just seems different. It’s like the Dick Sargent of asses. Instagram commenters were quick to comment on the look, and I’ve got some of the comments people left below.

Millions spent in plastic surgery to photoshop your butt to look like pre-surgery? Could have saved a small fortune but I guess when ur bipolar hubby is running for office, it’s icing on the cake lol

#Photoshopfail of 2018.. who said Kim wasn’t talented still? Lol

what if they didn’t photoshop her butt but she actually took out all the implants and that’s her REAL butt? Anyone think of that? No one has really seen her real butt before so maybe she removed all the fake ish! I’m just saying🤷🏽‍♀️

Uh photoshop much?

This whole picture is photoshopped and off for all kinds of reason.

You pay all that $$$ to have a fake body.. but yet you take this picture and all of a sudden your butt is normal??? Come in Kim make up your mind already… you keep changing every week. Just be you hunny!

One thing no one considered is it’s probably just the angle she’s sitting at.

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Chanel vintage, lets please be specific

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Her ass really doesn’t look any smaller in other pictures, so I’m guessing it wasn’t plastic surgery. Wait… asstic surgery. It could also be Photoshop, but that wouldn’t make a lot of sense, either. If anything, you’d think Kim would Photoshop her ass to look bigger. That’s why I’m going with the camera angle being the culprit.

The post Is Kim Kardashian Trying to Make Her Ass Look Smaller? appeared first on The Blemish.

Fran Drescher Is Really Trying to Bring ‘The Nanny’ Back With Cardi B as the Star

Fran Drescher has offhandedly mentioned in the past that she would be interested in bringing back her 1990’s vehicle The Nanny with Cardi B playing her daughter. It seems like a good casting choice since Cardi and Drescher both have unique voices, they look a bit alike and they’re both way further to the left politically than you’d imagine. Seriously, read Fran Drescher’s Twitter sometime, in between appearance announcements and promoting charities it’s all “Workers of the world unite and bring back the guillotine for bourgeois elites!”

Anyway, Fran has apparently gone from this reboot being something she’d like to do to something she’s actively in talks to do, something she confirmed on Extra in an interview with Mario Lopez.

The 61-year-old said, “She started it because she kind of paid homage to me, putting our pictures side by side when she was wearing animal print and it was me in animal from ‘The Nanny’ and that just went viral, that got my creative juices going.”

Drescher went on, “She’s got a funny voice, too. Have you ever heard her speak… so what kind of a great mother/daughter would we be? Amazing, I think.”

Cardi B had posted on Instagram that she was down when Fran initially mentioned her idea.

But now Drescher told Mario Lopez she’s talking to Cardi B’s representation about the show, so it’s actually something that could happen.

Little known fact about The Nanny, instead of a traditional studio audience most multicam sitcoms use, the production crew hired extras to watch the show and laugh on cue because Fran Drescher had a stalker she was worried might get into a taping. If the show comes back, they might have to use professional laughers again to keep Nicki Minaj out.

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Ariana Grande and Pete Davidson Call Off Engagement and Break Up, Shocking Absolutely No One

Big news from Ariana Grande and Pete Davidson, but not shocking news. The couple have decided to call it quits and end their engagement. You mean getting engaged after knowing someone for one month might be rushing things? Oh, but when you know, you know, right? WRONG!

Grande and Davidson started dating back in May, then got engaged in June. Grande’s friends, at the time, were really worried, because they say Grande rushes into things. At the time of her engagement, one of her friends told Entertainment Tonight (via MSN):

“Ariana gets so excited about an idea and so set on making it happen that she doesn’t always think it through. We of course want her to be happy, but this was a very quick lifetime decision. It’s a little worrisome and we fear it was so spontaneous it might not last. One thing is for sure, Peter does look very much in love, and while they are young, they are certainly old enough to make this decision on their own.

“They are both so passionate and swing back and forth from strong, loving moments to heated arguments … Peter is the sweetest person in the world and he is just dealing with a lot psychological challenges…Ariana feels right now she can relate to his pain and that they have connected on many levels.”

Guess Davidson’s big dick energy wasn’t enough.

According to TMZ, the timing isn’t right for these two.

Sources close to the former couple tell us AG and PD split this weekend, with both parties acknowledging that it simply was not the right time for their relationship to take off.

That’s very vague. We do know Davidson just last week covered up a heart tattoo he got to match Grande’s heart tattoo (which we still don’t know where that is). So, that was a sign right there. He’s got like four or five other Grande-inspired tattoos to cover up now.

But it’s all good. These two got some good publicity out of it, Davidson gets more followers and Grande got that big dick energy. And it only cost them a few tattoos.

The post Ariana Grande and Pete Davidson Call Off Engagement and Break Up, Shocking Absolutely No One appeared first on The Blemish.

‘South Park’ Delivers the Season’s First Stinker With ‘The Problem With Poo’

Sometimes when South Park does an episode about current events, it hits just the right note to give a smart and insightful commentary on the issue. This week’s episode, The Problem With Poo, is not one of those episodes. The show’s A story features Mr. Hankey in a plot touching on celebrities like being fired for bad tweets and a B story picking up a thread from last season that features PC Principal and Vice Principal Strong Woman, but neither plot really produces any funny or memorable moments.

The episode starts off with a small nod to serialization as we can hear a school shooting before cutting to a town council meeting to address the townsfolk’s outrage at their inaction; of course, they don’t mean stopping school shootings, they’re discussing the fact that some people find the Christmas pageant’s producer, Mr. Hankey, offensive. This is basically the most insightful and clever the show gets, because we as a society do genuinely seem to care more about people saying something offensive on social media than we do about children being killed at school.

That contrast in the opening moments aside, Mr. Hankey’s story never really goes anywhere or says anything. After having his funding cut because some people find him offensive, Mr. Hankey makes some tweets that upset everyone, like saying the elementary school kids are “retarded homos,” which he alternately calls “a bad attempt at a joke” or blames on Ambien, a clear reference to Roseanne Barr. After his tweets get him fired he ends up in a hearing that for some reason parodies the Brett Kavanaugh hearings. The only reason for this appears to be to show Mr. Hankey sniffling during the hearing the way Kavanaugh did, which is not nearly a good enough punchline for the amount of set-up required.

PC Principal and Strong Woman’s story follows up on their affair from last season, still playing up the joke of everyone unanimously agreeing that co-workers having a consensual sexual relationship is the worst thing you can possibly do. There have been a few op-eds about the immorality of office dating lately, but it’s not something anything close to a large number of people care about as far as I can tell. It turns out that Strong Woman got pregnant and is desperately trying to hide the fact that PC Principal is the father.

Of course, when the babies are born, everyone can tell that they’re PC babies, presumably because of their PC Bro sunglasses. The babies crying any time someone says anything politically incorrect is a somewhat fun gag, but it wears thin by the time they’re crying over nothing and someone says “Sometimes PC Babies don’t even know why they’re crying.” I didn’t think the joke needed to have a hat put on it like that, and it’s not a strong enough gag to carry as much of the episode as it’s forced to.

The message becomes muddled at the end of the episode. Kyle has been trying to help Mr. Hankey because he wants to support his friend, even though Cartman warned him “See what that gets you in 2018.” Kyle ends up covered in shit with most of the town hating him until he too finally turns his back on Mr. Hankey to save himself. When Mr. Hankey is run out of town, presumably being dropped from the show, we get the episode’s final gag. Randy says that he’ll have to find a place that accepts “racist, awful beings” and that there are places that “don’t care about bigotry and hate” before cutting to Hankey’s new home, Springfield, where he’s greeted by Apu and the episode fades to black and flashes #cancelthesimpsons before the end credits. This feels like it’s supposed to be an episode-capping joke like Fun With Weapons had in its Janet Jackson moment, but it just doesn’t feel nearly as relevant.

Perhaps the most telling aspect of this episode’s failure is that the only genuinely funny line in the entire episode is a throwaway gag in Mr. Hankey’s exile scene. The Mayor tells him he doesn’t get to say goodbye and that they’ve called him a “poo-ber.” As Hankey expresses surprise that poo-ber is a real thing, a Lyft car pulls up. It’s a genuinely funny moment, but it’s entirely unrelated to the plot, so it ends up just highlighting how unfunny everything else was.

There’s also no resolution for the PC Babies plot, as they just agree to keep hiding that PC Principal is their father. The episode suffers not only from not knowing what it wants to say about current events but also not knowing what it wants to do with its own character arcs. All of that could be forgiven if the episode was funny, but it doesn’t manage to do that either. The entire episode ends up being what writers call a “Nakamura,” a series of running gags and call backs that all fail because the original joke just isn’t that funny.

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Tom Cruise Won’t Talk to His Own Daughter Because She’s Not a Scientologist

One of the reasons you can tell Scientology isn’t the same as other religions is that Tom Cruise is a huge weirdo. Chris Pratt is annoying religious, too, but all he does is pray for Kevin Smith and be super nice to people. Even Mel Gibson isn’t as weird as Tom Cruise; sure, he’s kind of racist but he never jumped up and down on Oprah’s couch to let everyone know how manly and heterosexual he is.

Tom Cruise has a daughter, and you may remember it being kind of a big deal when she was born. People love celebrity babies the way Tom Cruise loves being David Miscavige’s large adult son. But Tom Cruise hasn’t seen his daughter in years even though his custody agreement says he’s allowed to have for 10 days a month, according to a report in Us Weekly.

“Every person is allowed to see their child if they wanted to,” the source tells Us, revealing custody of the 12-year-old is outlined in his divorce agreement with Katie Holmes. “He chooses not to because she is not a Scientologist.”

How messed up is that? He names the girl Suri like it’s an actual name a person might have and then he stops being involved with her because she, at age 7, isn’t a Scientologist. Tom Hanks wouldn’t pull that shit, he’s easily the best Tom. Cruise allegedly just uses his daughter as a bargaining chip to make sure his ex-wife doesn’t start hanging out with Leah Remini. No, really.

“I’m sure her father, who’s a smart attorney, has probably told her that hanging out with Leah would be considered disparaging the church in the eyes of Tom and the church,” Ortega tells Us. “We were all hoping that eventually Katie would say more and that we’d see them together, but Leah has gone on to become this real lightning rod for exposing Scientology’s abuses, and I think Katie just wants to keep the life she has right now with Suri and not get in a big fight with the church.”

Remini, who publicly left the church in 2013, recently claimed Holmes is not “allowed to have a meal” with her because she could “lose custody of Suri.”

Tom Cruise is the Scientology equivalent of one of those super strict Christian or Muslim families that kicks their kid out of the house when they’re 14 because they found out the kid is gay. But instead of playing doctor with another girl, Cruise caught his daughter playing psychologist instead of having her thetans examined with an e-meter to ward off Xenu or whatever.

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Zayn Malik Slept With a 41-Year-Old Former Burlesque Dancer While on Break From Gigi Hadid

What does Zayn Malik have in common with David Schwimmer? They both have to repeatedly tell their much more attractive partners that they were on a break when they slept with someone else. In Zayn’s case, he had a thing with a 41-year-old masseuse and former burlesque dancer named Enrica Petrongari.

Italian Enrica told The Sun on Sunday: “Zayn could get any girl he wants and he was with Gigi, who is obviously incredibly beautiful.

“So I was pretty surprised when he focused his attention on me — a 41-year-old woman with curves.

“He told me he liked girls with big asses. He made me feel special. But after a while I realised that he was just using me.”

Yes, I’m sure that’s how it happened. The young, hot rich guy was using the chubby middle-aged woman for sex. I mean, he probably was, but let’s not pretend this wasn’t a two-way street using people for sex wise.

Enrica said: “He told me he didn’t care about the massages anymore — he just wanted me here. We had a lot of fun.

“But afterwards he would appear rude and disinterested. We never really just hung out together.”

What was she expecting to happen after the booty call was over? No one wants to hang out when they’re post-coital unless they want an actual relationship.

Anyway, Zayn didn’t even dump her because he was bored of her, it was because she was taking pictures of herself in his apartment and posting them on Instagram (though they were later taken down). And it was probably time to get back together with his beautiful supermodel serious girlfriend now that he had fulfilled his high school fantasy of banging his friend’s hot mom.

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Ariana Grande Still Having A Hard Time With Mac Miller’s Death

Ariana Grande is having a tough time following the death of ex-boyfriend Mac Miller.

Grande tweeting two or three words at a time, usually ending with some type of “I love you” statement is nothing new. But obviously with Miller’s death, these statements are a bit more ominous.

She was scheduled to performer this Saturday on Saturday Night Live, but backed out due to “emotional reasons.” In her place will be Kanye West. Those planned skits with Pete Davidson are going to be extra awkward now.

Miller died on September 7 and Grande hasn’t been in the public eye much since then. In the weeks leading up to his death, you couldn’t open a webpage without seeing Davidson and Grande making out or getting matching tattoos or talking about how much sex they were having. Now, Grande isn’t leaving the house and Davidson is back to being “that dude on SNL.”

It’ll get better, Ariana. Time heals all wounds and Pete Davidson still has big dick energy.

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Lil Xan Overdosed on Hot Cheetos, Narrowly Avoided Having History’s Most Embarrassing Rock ‘n’ Roll Death

Remember when rappers were tough and a little scary? When Ice Cube said he was “on the warpath, and when I’m finished, it’s gonna be a bloodbath,” you could honestly see that happening. You know, before he got old and started doing Are We There Yet? the series. Ice Cube was a hard motherfucker in the day. Even 50 Cent is tough. That dude has been shot more times in real life than most people have gotten shot in Fortnite.

But today’s rappers aren’t nearly as badass as those guys. Look at Drake, that dude was on Degrassi and spends all his time texting with teenage girls, which actually explains a lot about his music and why it sounds like it was written by a teenage girl. Seriously, if you had to fight either Ice Cube or Drake, no one would choose to fight Ice Cube.

But even worse than that is Lil Xan. I assume that’s short for Xanax because he looks like one of those Chihuahuas some rich lady carries in her purse that’s constantly shaking and shitting itself. Seriously, he’s basically famous for being a meme because he squished his nose trying to kiss Miley Cyrus’s little sister.

And that meme got a workout today after Xan was hospitalized because he ate too many Cheetos.

Yeah, you read that right. Lil Xan was hospitalized because he ate too many Hot Cheetos.

Yes, after posting to his Instagram story from the back of an ambulance, he posted an Instagram update saying he was okay and adding “Also be careful,Hot Cheetos are one hell of a drug aha !”

Like, I’m glad he didn’t die because judging from the pictures I’ve seen of him he’s eleven years old, but that would have been the most hilariously embarrassing rock star death in the history of music. And I’m including Mama Cass choking to death on a ham sandwich and Elvis Presley having a heart attack while taking a shit.

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Where in the World Is Fan Bingbing?

Do you know who Fan Bingbing is? If not, shame on you. She’s one of the best actresses in the world, on top of being on the most beautiful women in the world.

Seriously, look at her. She looks like she was carved out of marble by a dead Greek guy.

But China’s most popular actress has been in the spotlight in a bad way recently; she’s been implicated in a scandal that amounts to tax evasion and trying to skirt China’s maximum wage laws. Yeah, maximum wage laws. Probably a good idea, a weirdo sociopath like Elon Musk shouldn’t be allowed to have enough apartheid blood diamond money to build his own freaking space program. But I digress.

Since the scandal began, Fan Bingbing hasn’t been seen in public or on social media since July, prompting people to wonder where the international superstar has gone. The Hollywood Reporter rounded up some of the rumors, including that she’s seeking asylum in Los Angeles. Normally I’d recommend against this with Trump as president, but seeing as how she’s rich, she’d have no problem, although immigration officials would still have to give her a child to be separated from, that’s just blanket policy now.

I thought that in the spirit of wild speculation, I’d take some stabs in the dark at where Fan Bingbing might be.

Filming More Random Scenes To Be Inserted Into Marvel Movies

Remember when Fan was in Iron Man 3? You probably don’t, because she was only in the Chinese version of the film in what amounted to an extended milk commercial where she plays one of the two surgeons who remove the shrapnel in Tony Stark’s chest.

It’s possible Fan is filming more scenes like this to be inserted into other Marvel films. And not even new ones, just old titles that need stock footage added in. She could just run behind Captain America during the Battle for New York in The Avengers while holding a bottle of Coke with the label facing the camera the entire time. It lets Marvel make some more of that sweet product placement money while also giving them more cover to say how diverse their casts are.

A Shoe Store

Women be shoppin’, am I right?

Filming Today’s ‘Where in the World is Matt Lauer’ segments

While all of China is wondering where Fan Bingbing is, no one gives a fuck where Matt Lauer is. This is not great news for NBC’s morning program, because no one wants to watch a travelogue segment with a sex pervert. It’s possible that this is all just a stealth marketing campaign for Today and they’re going to roll out their “Where in the World is Fan Bingbing” segment. People are already curious, but it would be a bit of a letdown when it turns out she’s actually at the Warm River, Idaho county fair to see the world’s largest phallic butter sculpture or whatever.

Here, Having a Threesome with Me and Kristen Stewart

I’ll admit this one is a long-shot, but I really want it to be true.

Jumping Into The Bodies of People in the Past To Correct Anomalies in the Timeline

Oh boy! Fan may be taking part in a top-secret experiment where she can time travel within her own lifetime, driven by an unknown force to change history for the better. Her only guide on this journey is Al, an observer from her own time, who appears in the form of a hologram that only Fan can see and hear. And so Fan Bingbing finds herself leaping from life to life, striving to put right what once went wrong, and hoping each time that her next leap will be the leap home…

She could also be doing Sliders or Fringe, but no one watched those.

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Sources Close to Ariana Grande Speak About Mac Miller’s Death

Ariana Grande hasn’t officially spoken out about Mac Miller’s death, but sources close to her have.

Here’s what an insider told US Weekly about Grande’s mind state following the overdose of her ex-boyfriend:

“Her entire family is in shock too. They all grew close to Mac during his relationship with Ari. He was a huge part of her life, and they always shared such a special bond. She wanted nothing but positivity in Mac’s life after they broke up.”

The insider says that Grande is “absolutely heartbroken” following the news.

I wonder how much this insider got paid for this info. Because I’m not an insider and I could have said the same thing given the relationship between Grande and Miller and Grande’s lack of words since his death.

I’m willing to bet Grande is grieving in her own way and will speak out when she is ready, but will not be pressured into saying anything.

Grande hasn’t commented on social media since his death, but did post a photo of him on her Instagram.

She also disabled the comments on her Instagram page as idiots were trying to blame her for his death.

The two dated for nearly two years before splitting this past August. Grande quickly moved on and got engaged to Pete Davidson. Miller relapsed and was arrested for a DUI a couple of months before his overdose.

Take your time with a comment, Ariana. And anyone trying to blame her for his death or pestering her about a response should just get off social media and do something better with their lives.

This woman already has to live with the Manchester shooting on her mind. Don’t put this on her as well. Because it’s not.

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Mac Miller, Ariana Grande’s Ex-Boyfriend, Dead of Overdose at 26

Mac Miller, Ariana Grande’s ex-boyfriend, died today at 26. TMZ says it was a drug overdose, but maybe it was from learning how big Pete Davidson’s dick was.

On Friday, one of Mac Miller’s friends called 911 and authorities went over to his San Fernando Valley place. They pronounced him dead at the scene.

No word on what he overdosed on, but he had a history of substance abuse.

The rapper wrecked his G-Wagon by wrapping it around a utility pole back in May and was arrested for DUI and hit and run. He fled the scene but cops say he later confessed at his home. He blew 2 times the legal limit.

Miller and Grande broke up in May. Substance abuse and Miller’s sobriety may have played a part in their parting. At the time, a fan came at Grande for leaving Miller when he supposedly wrote a whole album for Grande (which he didnt’t). Grande tweeted out:

“How absurd that you minimize female self-respect and self-worth by saying someone should stay in a toxic relationship because he wrote an album about them, which btw [by the way] isn’t the case (just Cinderella is ab[out] me). I am not a babysitter or a mother and no woman should feel that they need to be. I have cared for him and tried to support his sobriety and prayed for his balance for years (and always will of course) but shaming/blaming women for a man’s inability to keep his shit together is a very major problem. Let’s please stop doing that. Of course I didn’t share about how hard or scary it was while it was happening but it was. I will continue to pray from the bottom of my heart that he figures it all out and that any other woman in this position does as well.”

Miller never seemed fazed by the breakup. At least he didn’t let on. Talking to Zane Lowe on Beats 1, Miller said:

“Life is stressful. So, of course there were stressful times. It’s not that unique. You know, like, I was in love with somebody. We were together for two years. We worked through good times, bad times, stress and everything else. And then it came to an end and we both moved on. And it’s that simple, you know?”

Add that Ariana Grande’s boyfriend Pete Davidson has a huge penis and it may have been too much for Mac Miller to handle.

Thoughts and prayers go out to him and his family. Needless to say, his tour will not continue. Unless they can quickly turn Mac Miller into a hologram.

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The New ‘Bachelor’ Is Gonna Lose His Virginity On Television

The new Bachelor is a virgin and nope. Not buying it.

Colton Underwood has been tapped as the next Bachelor for ABC. He’s a former NFL player who dated Aly Raisman before appearing on The Bachelorette and Bachelor in Paradise

This dude has done way too many reality shows, not to mention his football career, to still be a virgin. It’s like a prerequisite that you must have had sex at least once before each reality show appearance.

Underwood previously dated Bachelor contestant Tia Booth. The two are currently on Bachelor in Paradise and things seem to be going well. Here’s a photo Underwood posted of the two following Monday’s episode.

The Bachelor is in like its 30th season, not including Bachelorette, and there have been roughly two success stories. Even that might be a stretch.

But I’m sure the guy who has never had sex will find wedded bliss on a reality show filled with women who just want to be on television.

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Drake Didn’t Bang Kim Kardashian According to Kim Kardashian

Kiki, do you love me?

A throwaway line turned into a meme before spiraling into being about Kim Kardashian.

For those of you who are new, Drake got into a beef with Pusha T and Kanye West. Pusha T ended up by revealing his son that Drake tried to keep a secret. Knowing he couldn’t do anything to respond, some believe he’s now going after West, who is a pretty easy target.

Kiki is Kim Kardashian’s family nickname and also the color of one of her KKW Beauty lipsticks.

Drake pushed it further by spitting the line “I crept down the block, made a right, cut the lights, paid the price” in a collab with Travis Scott. Drake, who allegedly lives in Toronto, apparently lives down the street from Kardashian. Scott is Kylie Jenner’s baby daddy. So people put two and three together and concluded that Drake banged Kim.

Even Nick Cannon added fuel to the fire saying it wasn’t “farfetched.”

Kim shut that shit down, saying “Never happened. End of story.”

As a response, Drake started following Kim on Instagram. Obviously to slide in her DMs.

I don’t know who Drake is or isn’t banging, but I know what he’s doing here. Drake is a calculated dude and the fact that Pusha and Kanye got one over on him eats at him. It was rumored that Drake had a response that would “end Kanye’s career” before he was asked not to release it.

Now he’s going to keep nipping at Kanye until people forget that Pusha T murdered him.

Can’t wait for that Drake-Taylor Swift song that breaks iTunes.

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North America’s First Sex Doll Brothel Shut Down Because the Dolls Can’t Give Consent

Guys, I know you were all really excited to have sex with a doll that a bunch of other dudes had sex with before you, but alas, it is not to be for Toronto residents. “The man” decided to ruin everyone’s good time and revoke the lease for the Aura Dolls sex doll brothel based on some obscure law limiting sex retail shops to industrial areas of North York.

I’m not sure how successful these things really would have been. I mean, a lot of people are probably curious. I’m curious about what these things are like, but they costs thousands of dollars and I’m not nearly that curious. I don’t know if I’m curious to have sex with used sex doll, either, though.

But there’s a part of the story that really got my hackles up, and it was that objections to the sex doll brothel were predicated on the complaint that the the dolls weren’t giving consent. You know, because they’re dolls. And I know what you’re thinking, because I was thinking the same thing: no one is stupid enough to complain that a dude is fucking a sex doll without consent. Well, someone is stupid enough.

Brandy Sudyk, who lives in North York, said it’s critical to consider that as a society we appear to endorse the normalization of enabling men to use inanimate objects — created to look much like real women — however they want.

“In the mind of the person using these dolls, one is clearly imagining being with a woman, but not having to consider consent or dignity as an aspect of sexual interaction,” she said.

“How do we know that men who engage in these activities won’t bring this attitude and behaviour into their interactions with real women, who are already objectified and exploited in the sex trade?”

Every time someone says something like this, it gives me a headache. A sex doll is an inanimate object. You don’t need consent to stick your dick in an inanimate object. If you’re going to put it in a person, yeah, you need to make sure they’re okay with it. If you’re going to put it in a coconut or a Fleshlight or a sex doll, you do you, guy. I mean, I don’t really recommend the coconut thing, but you don’t have to ask the coconut for permission to fuck it.

I can’t imagine being the kind of person who hears about a sex doll brothel and their first thought isn’t “who wants to fuck a used sex doll,” but “having sex with a doll is basically rape, if you think about it.” Also, in related news, Siri is a series of algorythms that analyses speech and answers question using a database; it’s not a lady who sits in your phone that you should be saying “please” and “thank you” to.

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Everything You Need to Know About KSI vs. Logan Paul

Logan Paul and KSI are going to fight on Saturday. The bout has been dubbed “The Biggest Event In Internet History.” Yes, bigger than Kim Kardashian’s ass on the cover of a magazine. If you’re just as confused about the whole thing as I was 24 hours ago, here’s why you should care.

Who the fook is Logan Paul?

Paul is a 23-year-old YouTuber with over 20 million combined subscribers on his two channels. He reportedly makes comedy vlogs, but I’ve watched 20 seconds of a video, found him insufferable, and turned it off. For some reason, The Rock likes him and he’s dating Chloe Bennet. No can can explain either thing.

He’s most famous for filming a dead body in Japan.

Who the fook is KSI?

KSI is a 25-year-old YouTuber with over 19 million subscribers on just one channel. He does more video game commentary than comedy. They are slightly more tolerable than Paul’s video. He’s also a rapper. If you value your ears, you won’t listen to his tracks.

He’s most famous for sexually harassing people at a gaming convention.

Why are they fighting?

Publicity, mainly. There was no real feud between the two. KSI had a boxing match with another YouTuber, Joe Weller, earlier this year. Just the fight currently has 14 million YouTube views. The livestream/replay of the entire fight has racked up over 17 million views. People really want to see untrained professionals get into a fake feud and then fight.

Of course, once the fight was announced, the feud became less fake. And by less fake I mean it’s more like Britney Spears’ fake boobs. Where before it closer to Pamela Anderson’s fake boobs.

The two started making diss tracks that would make 2Pac and Biggie get up out of the grave and kill each other all over again. They’ve both hit below the belt with material and have generally become even more insufferable and toxic than they already were.

But everyone is eating it up.

Also, the YouTube Championship Belt is on the line. This signifies that more “boxing matches” between YouTubers will take place in the near future. So if you know a certain YouTube star to get his ass kicked, get your recommendations in now.

Who else is fighting?

A bunch of people you’ve never heard of and KSI’s brother, Deji Olatunji who goes by Comedy Shorts Gamer on YouTube and Paul’s brother, Jake Paul. They should have just done a tag team boxing match and saved everyone a lot of time. Think of the publicity a tag team boxing match would have gotten as well.

How can I watch?

The entire event will stream live on YouTube pay-per-view. It starts at 12:30 p.m. ET and costs $10. Or, 1/10th of what you paid for Conor McGregor against Floyd Mayweather. It’s the same fight, if you think about it.

Will there be a rematch?

Yes. Both “fighters” have agreed to do a second fight in the United States in February. Saturday’s bout is in England, KSI’s home country, so it’s only fair Paul gets a fight on his turf. If the score is 1-1 after two fights, they’ll do a third fight in Switzerland. I made that last part up, just in case you were wonder.

Who will win?

Well, one guy has had zero boxing experience (Paul) and the other guy has one fight under his belt. To KSI’s credit, he has trained with former UFC champion Michael Bisping for the bout. To KSI’s detriment, he has trained with Michael Bisping for the bout.

The smart money is on KSI. He showed off a decent jab despite zero understanding of distance against Weller.

And he has proven stamina. Plus, Paul has the more punchable face.

The post Everything You Need to Know About KSI vs. Logan Paul appeared first on The Blemish.

Naked Man Stops Car Thief, Calls Himself ‘Naked Ninja’

Imagine that you and your girlfriend are in bed, naked, and all of the sudden you hear your car alarm going off. You look out the window and see someone in the driver’s seat, lights flashing and alarm blaring. What would you do?

If you’re Stephen Cullen of Newcastle, you jump out of bed, out onto the street, and tackle the would-be car thief completely naked. Completely. Like, not even wearing socks naked.

Oh yeah, there’s cameras everywhere in the UK. There’s almost 2 million CCTV cameras in UK, so pretty much everything that everyone does at any time is caught on camera. You ever read that book 1984? It’s kind of like that, but with more cameras. So yes, there is video of Stephen tackling a guy bare-ass naked.

According to The Sun, Stephen reacted to the situation by telling people “I’m the Naked Ninja.”

Not only does Stephen tackle people naked, he’s also a decent fellow. Once he and his girlfriend realized the person trying to steal the car was just a kid, around 17 years old, they decided to let him go. Police picked him up later in the evening, but the couple declined to press charges,with Stephen saying “Everyone deserves a second chance.”

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Everyone Still Wants to Be Beyonce Including Mindy Kaling

Beyonce graced the cover of Vogue with a shot that is 100 percent Beyonce.

What is her obsession with flowers?

Mindy Kaling got bored one day and decided she wanted to be Beyonce.

And then everyone wanted to be Beyonce.

Beyonce did a SnapChat filter in real life and called it fashion. Bow down.

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Virginia Congressional Candidate Is Into ‘Bigfoot Erotica’

Finally there’s some news about a political campaign setting aside mudslinging and focusing on the issues that matter, like whether or not you should jack it to Sasquatch. I know this issue is on the minds of every voter I know, and Leslie Cockburn (D) has taken to Twitter to point out that her opponent in the race for Virginia’s 5th congressional district, Denver Riggleman (R), supports a person’s right to choose to jack off to Sasquatch porn.

That second picture, that’s Denver Riggleman with his own head posted on Bigfoot’s body, which seems like the kind of sexual boast Riggleman absolutely cannot back up.

The claim that Riggleman was campaigning with a white supremacist is also true, Riggleman campaigned with Isaac Smith, one of the people behind last year’s “Unite the Right” rally in Charlottesville where a self-described Nazi murdered protester Heather Heyer when he drove his car into a crowd of people. I have a feeling Riggleman is mostly cranking it to the Abominable Snowman and not one of those yeti with brown fur that lives out in the Midwest. Allegedly. Probably.

I believe that Bigfoot racism is one of the most pressing issues facing our nation as we go into the midterms, and that Riggleman needs to answer his constituents about his feelings on interracial Sasquatch dating. Sasquatch love doesn’t see color, Mister Riggleman. Mister Riggleman, I served with Bigfoot. I knew Bigfoot. Bigfoot was a friend of mine. Sir, you’re no Bigfoot.

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Why Hasn’t Taylor Swift Congratulated Karlie Kloss on Her Engagement Yet?

Karlie Kloss had enough of Taylor Swift. That’s the reason these two former BFF’s seem non-existent in each other’s worlds.

Karlie Kloss recently got engaged to the other, not-evil Kushner, Joshua Kushner, a couple of days ago. Kloss broke the news to the world on Instagram (of course) with a selfie and captioned it:

I love you more than I have words to express. Josh, you’re my best friend and my soulmate. I can’t wait for forever together. Yes a million times over 💍

Hold my hair while I puke. Well, good for them, true love, soulmate, etc. etc.

These two should have some super-sized babies. Kloss is a tall 6’2″ while Kushner stands nose to nose with her at 6’2″ also. When these two have kids, the doctor’s gonna pull their baby out like one of those magicians pulling handkerchiefs out of their hat.

Kloss put her engagement ring on Instagram stories, writing “My phone is blowing up with the sweetest messages from loved ones. This poor make up artist is going to kill me.”

There was one message she didn’t receive.

Taylor Swift was noticeably absent from any sort of congratulations to Kloss.

What’s up Taylor?? Not even a simple thumbs up emoji.

Yet, here’s who Swift HAS congratulated in the past.

Cardi B

Swift sent flowers to Cardi B. a day after “Bodak Yellow” kicked Swift’s “Look What You Made Me Do” from the top spot on the Billboard charts. Cardi B Instagrammed a shot of the gift and a thank you:

Sooo beautiful and lovely. Thank you @taylorswift for the flowers 💐❤❤…. and I freaking love your music 🎶.

Russell Westbrook

Russell Westbrook won the league’s MVP award at the N.B.A. Awards in 2017. Swift made a congratulatory video for Westbrook, albeit tongue in cheek.

She jokes that she taught Westbrook how to ball and also said, “I remember the first time you beat me at basketball and I was very upset and you said, if you remember correctly, you said, ‘You just have to shake it off.”

Westbrook has been a fan of Swift’s for years. Back in 2015, he recorded himself jamming out to “Bad Blood.”

BAD BLOOD!!!! @taylorswift .. Banger!!!!!

A post shared by Russell Westbrook (@russwest44) on

He also made it out to a Swift concert late that year.


A post shared by Russell Westbrook (@russwest44) on

USA gymnastics team

When the U.S. women’s gymnastics team won gold in Rio in 2016, Swift tweeted out congratulations to the group of five: Simone Biles, Aly Raisman, Gabby Douglas, Laurie Hernandez and Madison Kocian.

Taylor wrote:

Sending my biggest congratulations to Simone, Aly, Laurie, Gabby and Madison! YOU DID IT GIRLS!!

Swift probably hadn’t even MET these girls before that tweet. Meanwhile, she’s had Kloss over at her July 4th pool party.


When Zendaya graduated in 2015, Taylor tweeted “I’M NOT CRYING, YOU ARE. @Zendaya #ProudOfYou.”

Zendaya appeared in Swift’s “Bad Blood” video AND SO DID KARLIE! That’s Taylor’s only connection to Zendaya.

Her cats, Meredith and Olivia

First off, that’s exactly what a cat lady names their cats: Meredith and Olivia. Not something like Hairball or Death Ray, but a boring ass name like…Meredith.

Swift congratulated her OWN CATS for ending up in Deadpool 2. Ryan Reynolds wore a T-shirt with her cats screenprinted on.

After seeing this, Swift put up an Instagram story where she’s updating her cats on the news. Guess what? Cats don’t know what the hell Deadpool is.

In one section, she says:

Meredith, I wanted to tell you something. Deadpool 2 — they put you and your sister on a shirt in the movie.

And in another, she asks Olivia:

How do you feel about the shirt? The world is dying to know.

All these people received congratulations from Swift for nothing even as eventful as an engagement. Swift is holding some serious grudges against Kloss for shutting her out. Kloss likely didn’t want to deal with Swift’s conniving ways anymore.

In any case, these two are so over each other. And to think these two were rumored to be lesbian lovers. Is nothing sacred anymore?

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Watch Jenelle Evans Whip Out Gun in Road Rage Fit, Endanger Her Kid Then Lie To the Police

Back in May, Teen Mom star Jenelle Evans was involved in a road rage incident that ended with her following a dude to his house and pulling a gun.

Always looking to cash in on controversy, MTV withheld footage of the incident until they could air it on their network. Monday night was the night they finally aired the video.

The video starts with Evans and her son, Jace, discussing the art of the last name. A white pickup truck enters the frame. Rule of thumb, if they drive a white pickup truck, 99 percent of time they are an asshole. The music turns dramatic to let you know shit is about to get real, and all hell breaks loose.

Evans calls 911, and instead of letting that be the end of it, she decides to go all reality TV and take matters into her own hands. She follows the guy off the highway to where he lives, takes photos, and yells at the dude. In her fit of rage, she backs over his mailbox. Her apology falls on deaf ears as the dude blocks her in and hits her car.

Before all this, Jace threatened to whip the dude with his nerf gun if he tried to hurt his mom. A nerf gun would not suffice for Janelle, who ends up pulling out her real gun. MTV doesn’t show this part, electing to go with screen narration instead. Even MTV has some limits.

We get another chase down the road, which angers Jenelle’s husband, who yells at his wife to not follow him. Showing her maturity, Jenelle hangs up on her husband. Jace looks scared out of his mind the entire time.

A cop pulls Jenelle over and that’s where the episode ends.

Tune in next week to see Jenelle throw Jace into the ocean with sharks. It’s part of a special Teen Mom and Shark Week crossover that shows just how far the moms can go in endangering their children’s lives without child services taking them away.

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‘Doctor Who’: Get a Sneak Peak at Jodie Whittaker and Her New Screwdriver

As we all know, there’s a new lady Doctor who is a female-type woman person played by Jodie Whittaker, herself a woman. At Comic-Con we got our first look at the Thirteenth Doctor outside of her regeneration scene.

“So if I asked really, really nicely… Would you be my new best friends?” is a really great line to introduce the new Doctor on, I kind of love it. And Jodie Whittaker is just a great actress, which anyone who watched Broadchurch can tell you.

If we’re worried about toxic masculinity, and we should be, then shouldn’t young boys have a role model to tell them to never be cruel and never be cowardly, to laugh hard, run fast and be kind? And also to never eat pears.

There is still an air of controversy with Doctor Who fans around Whittaker’s 13 being a woman for the first time in the long history of the franchise. Some people are very happy with the decision, some people aren’t, and people have been making it know how they felt for an entire year without any idea as to what Whittaker’s Doctor will be like.

Me, I’m of two minds about it. I’m an adult Doctor Who fan who has been watching the show since the 1996 Fox TV movie where Paul McGann played The Doctor. Just as a fan, I’m excited for a number of reasons, number one among them being that Clara Oswald isn’t on the show anymore. But also because Jodie Whittaker looks amazing as The Doctor and new showrunner Chris Chibnall earned a lot of good will from me for his last series, Broadchurch, that just so happened to star former Doctor David Tennant alongside incumbent Doctor Jodie Whittaker. As a fan, I have no reservations about the fact that I’m going to get a TV series I enjoy watching.

On the other hand, The Doctor is the kind of role model that is short supply for young men but is desperately needed. If we’re worried about toxic masculinity, and we should be, then shouldn’t young boys have a role model to tell them to never be cruel and never be cowardly, to laugh hard, run fast and be kind? And also to never eat pears.

And you might be saying “That’s true, but don’t little girls deserve to have a role model like The Doctor as well?” and they do, but girls also have a lot of role models like The Doctor in other shows and movies. There’s no shortage of media teaching girls they can be strong, clever leaders. Shows and movies from Wonder Woman to Frozen to Glitter Force/Pretty Cure feature exactly that kind of character.

Heroes for boys all tend to put brawn over brains, or, at the very least, are celebrated primarily for their physical strength. Even the better than it has any right to be Netflix series Trollhunters, which does present a softer, more empathetic and emotionally healthy character, ends with victory won through physical strength and combat. That’s fine, but young boys and men should see at least some alternatives to that presented to them. If there were more characters like The Doctor for boys to emulate, it wouldn’t bother me a bit.

Back at Comic-Con, we also got our first look at The Doctor’s new sonic screwdriver.

If you recall, Peter Capaldi’s Doctor ditched his screwdriver in favor of sonic sunglasses, so it kind of feels like another old friend has come back to the show along with The Doctor herself. Of course, people on social media were quick to point out that the screwdriver’s unique curvature made it look like something else a female Doctor might have in her purse.

Man, you people and your minds. It’s a children’s show about a time-travelling alien being chased down corridors by killer salt cellars, let’s keep it clean.

Doctor Who returns on BBC One and BBC America this fall.

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Ireland Baldwin Holding Her Huge Naked Boob, Melania Trump Terrified of Putin and More

  • Ireland Baldwin holding her huge boob [HollywoodTuna]
  • Melania Trump terrified of Putin [Celebitchy]
  • Zoe Salmon in a bikini [GCeleb]
  • Fragile snowflake calls police after hard foul on court [CavemanCircus]
  • Newcome Frida Aasen will make you feel funny [MoeJackson]
  • Britney Spears‘s boyfriend is an ex-fatty [Celebitchy]
  • Cambrie Schroder pink bikini fun time (Site NSW) [TheNipSlip]
  • Harvey Weinstein wants Ashley Judd‘s lawsuit thrown out [Dlisted]
  • Mackenzie Edwards back on Instagram with a baby bump [Starcasm]
  • Restaurant patrons grossed out by Olivia Culpo & Danny Amendola‘s heavy petting [BustedCoverage]
  • Louisa Johnson bikini pics [Linkiest]
  • Jeff Goldblum is now a 25-foot statue [TheBlemish]
  • Pole vaulter almost spears his own dick & balls [Deadspin]

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Logan Paul Has Somehow Tricked Chloe Bennet into Dating Him

Chloe Bennet is the female lead on ABC’s Agents of SHIELD. Logan Paul is some YouTube geek. You wouldn’t think Bennet would ever have reason to give Paul the time of day. And yet, they are dating.

Bennet confirmed the relationship on Twitter after fans spotted the two kissing on Paul’s Instagram story.

Chloe, blink twice if you’re being held against your will. We can send the Avengers right away.

It’s like she’s never watched one of his YouTube videos. Like, she knows he filmed a suicide and is trying to further exploit the situation by releasing a documentary, right? And she knows he’s going to embarrass himself by “fighting” some other YouTuber by the name of KSI, right?

I’m not saying the guy is a douchebag, but if the Cash Me Outside Girl is against you, you’re doing something wrong.

This will not help her K-pop career.

The post Logan Paul Has Somehow Tricked Chloe Bennet into Dating Him appeared first on The Blemish.

Russell Simmons Denies More Rape Allegations, Allegedly Forced His ‘Flabby Walrus’ Body on Woman

Last time we checked on Russell Simmons, he was laughing at 50 Cent mocking Terry Crews for being sexually assaulted.

Let’s see if he’s laughing after this story.

Alexia Norton Jones has come forward, alleging Simmons raped her in 1990. Here’s what she told Variety:

Within a few minutes, he got what he thought was amorous. What was shocking to me was that it wasn’t. It was one of these things, where he had so many hands on me. But he only has two hands. It began with us kissing. There was something about kissing him, his heart was racing. It seemed out of pace, like he wasn’t relaxed. My mind went to, “Is he on something?” I also thought, “How could I be such an idiot?” Here I am, I’m trusting him. I had been a survivor of sexual abuse as a young teenager.

I didn’t want to go further. It was such a fast attack. It was literally an attack. Because he was overweight, I remember thinking it was like being attacked by a flabby walrus. I remember being pushed up against a wall. He pulled my dress up. I must have said no seven to 10 times, and then I acquiesced. It was very fast. I would say it happened in less than 10 minutes.

Jones goes on to say that she would have been intimate with him on that night, had he not forced himself on her. She even admits to forgiving Simmons and likely staying silent. If not for Simmons getting in his own way.

I’m a victim, but I didn’t end up living like a victim. The other thing that you do is you have to forgive. I ended up forgiving Russell simply for one reason: time. I would run into him at social events decades later, and I saw a difference in him and the way he acted after he got clean. Russell doesn’t get to be my jailer.

I would have kept quiet forever. What made me come forward is his denials of violence toward other women. I don’t want any money from Russell. I’m not suing him. If you look at the women he allegedly assaulted, many of us have a similar look. It’s uncanny. Russell knew that the African-American community was behind him. There are so few black men who make it, we wanted him to succeed. Yet there was also this huge betrayal. He counted on this silence.

Unsurprisingly, Simmons is denying the accusation.

“I’m deeply saddened by this story from Alexia. At no time did she share these feelings about her first sexual encounter with me, which took place roughly 28 years ago. I have taken multiple lie detector tests that affirm I never sexually assaulted anyone. Alexia and I dated, were intimate and attended multiple events together after she alleges the incident occurred in 1990. I considered her a friend for all these years and continue to have a warm relationship with members of her family. I believe we last spoke in 2006 when she called to express her disappointment over the fact that I had not attended an event honoring her father.”

In a bit irony, here is Simmons’ inspirational Twitter quote of the day:

No wonder Simmons is still happy despite multiple sexual assault allegations. The situation “is what it is” to him.

The post Russell Simmons Denies More Rape Allegations, Allegedly Forced His ‘Flabby Walrus’ Body on Woman appeared first on The Blemish.

No, This Isn’t Just Like That Thing That Happened in ‘Harry Potter’

Donald Trump has done some pretty bad things as president, and his travel ban on people from Muslim countries and his “zero-tolerence” immigration policy strike me as being in direct opposition with the principles this country was founded on; they are, frankly, un-American. But that being said, no, they don’t remind me of Dolores Umbridge’s Muggle-Born Registration Commission.

I can deal with a lot of things with grace and civility, but a 34-year-old banker having no point of reference in literature outside of Harry Potter or maybe Lord of the Rings is where I draw the line. It is a book for children. I know it meant so much to you when you were a child and you wore a wizard robe and wanted to go to Hogwarts, but you didn’t go to Hogwarts, you went to Ball State, and while you were there you should have read at least one other fucking book.

So imagine my frustration when I woke up to find yet another tired “Harry Potter is just like America under Trump” take in my Twitter feed. I was about to unfollow whoever retweeted it, but then I noticed it was Stephen Fry, who I guess I have to give a pass to because he recorded the Harry Potter audio books but I’m never going to see Jeeves and Wooster in the same light again.

To be honest, the upside to Trump being president is that he gives these bougie assholes who view the world through the lens of a children’s book the same feeling of existential dread that the rest of us have had since the Reagan administration.

If this was an isolated incident, I wouldn’t be bothered. But it’s a constant drumbeat pounding away in my head like the one that drove The Master insane in Doctor Who. See, there’s other British children’s properties you can build a metaphor around.

I’m sitting here thinking that you’re 27 years old and you should probably should have read at least one book that was written for adults by now.

Her Twitter bio says she’s a special ed teacher. This tweet, however, reads like something written by a special ed student, so I’m not sure this is going to end soon.

Jesus Christ, even the New York Fucking Times is doing it. I need a drink.

I guess I shouldn’t be too mean to these nerds, the Quiddich World Cup is starting and the bully in their investment firm might read this and break their Galaxy 500 broom or whatever.

These are adult humans pretending to play a fake game made up for a children’s book. Just play soccer you nerds. I would rather watch that remake of The Last Jedi those ten angry idiots are planning every day of my life than spend a single second watching an adult run around holding a broom between their legs. It’s just too embarrassing.

You guys realize no one else does this, right? Okay, maybe Star Wars fans do, but no one saw the chemical weapons attacks in Syria and went “Oh my god, this is just like when Zeon launched that G3 Gas attack against Side Two in Gundam!” Sure, people use literary references to build metaphors all the time, but most people have been exposed to a wide range of media and don’t constantly reference the same book over and over again.

[Image: Courtesy of Warner Bros. Consumer Products]

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