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Ben Affleck, Gal Gadot and More Say ‘Release the Snyder Cut’

Justice League was a terrible movie. It had more hype than any movie released this decade other than Avengers: Endgame, and it ended being… not unwatchable, but just boring and silly. Legend has it, however, that there is a version of this movie that is actually good. Deep in the bowels of Warner Brothers vault, never to be released (like the Animaniacs) lies the Snyder Cut.

The Snyder Cut saving Justice League hinges on Zack Snyder being a better director than Joss Whedon, a statement I would have laughed in your face about if you told it to me after the first Avengers was released but that seems if not likely then at least probable after seeing the second Avengers movie.

Fans have been clamoring to see the Snyder cut of Justice League basically since they saw Justice League because why not, is it going to be worse? But things really picked up steam on Sunday when Snyder and the cast of the film started tweeting the #ReleaseTheSnyderCut hashtag.

Ray Fisher, who played Cyborg, deleted every other tweet on his account and changed his profile to read #ReleaseTheSnyderCut.

Jason Momoa already expressed his desire to see it released over the summer, saying he had seen it and it was “ssssiiicccckkkkkk.”

But it seems like having so many of the stars spontaneously call for it being released all at once, all of the sudden, means something must be going on with it behind the scenes. And Warner had to see that there’s genuine interest in it as the hashtag shot to the top of Twitter’s trending topics, so even if a release announcement isn’t imminent, it seems like there’s a lot of momentum around it. Justice League was a big, expensive failure for Warner, and if a cut of it exists that can redeem that legacy and maybe increase back catalogue sales, I’d be surprised if we didn’t eventually see it.

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PayPal Prudes Punish Pornhub Professionals

Free speech seems like a tricky issue, but it’s not. You want there to be nuance so you can ban speech you don’t like, and you’ll say things like “so Nazis should just be free to say racist things?” and yes, they absolutely should. Because once you start to ban speech you don’t like, someone is going to use the power you gave them to do that to ban speech you do like.

With today’s news that they’re not letting Pornhub pay out content creators through their service anymore, PayPal has given a really good example of why this is so important.

A couple of years ago, bowing to public pressure, PayPal decided to crack down on racists using their platform. Seems like a great idea, right? Racism is bad, we don’t like white nationalists, if we just exclude them from commerce we can starve them out. A lot of people, myself included, wanted PayPal to remain a value-neutral payment processor for the exact reason that it’s impossible to tell what they could be pressured into kicking off their service next once the door is open.

Today we found out that PayPal is kicking Pornhub off. Reuters had statements from both companies about what happened.

“Following a review, we have discovered that PornHub has made certain business payments through PayPal without seeking our permission. We have taken action to stop these transactions from occurring,” PayPal said in an email statement.

What permission do they actually need? Does everyone who uses PayPal need to ask pretty please if they can send people money?

PornHub, owned by Luxembourg-headquartered company MindGeek, said it was “devastated by PayPal’s decision to stop payouts to over a hundred thousand performers who rely on them for their livelihoods”.

We’re in a puritanical moment right now. Kanye West has gone Christian and he’s anti-porn and it seems like the left and right are working together to make masturbating as hard as possible for us decent normal folk.

And if you’re sitting there thinking “well, I hate both Nazis and porn, this all seems good to me,” well… what do you like and what makes you think it won’t find itself on the chopping block?

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Emily Ratajkowski’s New Suits Seem Too Sexy For the Office

In addition to being a supermodel and the girl from that ‘Blurred Lines’ video, Emily Ratajkowski is also a successful clothing designer. I think. She definitely sells clothes with her name on them, that basically counts.

She just announced that her clothing line, Inamorata, is selling suits. And suits women will want to wear, not those Hillary Clinton pastel pantsuits. There’s just one problem.

Okay, it’s not a problem for me, but that’s just way too sexy. Women can’t go to work like that! Unfortunately! You know, unless you’re a stripper or one of those school teachers that sleeps with their students and everyone pretends it isn’t super creepy because they’re women.

So you should probably wear a shirt with the suits. Thankfully, EmRata rarely takes that advice.

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Stan Lee’s Daughter and his Assistant are Still Fighting on the Anniversary of His Death

Stan Lee died exactly one year ago, but when you’re one of about five guys responsible for the entire Marvel universe, people are going to be fighting about you for a long time. Right now, that means Stan’s daughter J.C. is suing his former PA for claiming that J.C. “slammed [Stan’s] head into a chair,” something I don’t believe for a second.

Stan the Man’s later years were riddled with all sorts of allegations leveled at everyone around him; a manager was charged with elder abuse of Lee, another associate was accused of robbing Stan blind and Lee’s healthcare workers made up an outrageous sexual harassment claim about Lee, but thankfully no one believed that.

Now TMZ is reporting that J.C. Lee is taking Bradley Herman to court over claims he made that J.C. was abusing her late father.

It’s a shame that Stan’s last days involved so much turmoil, and it hasn’t ended now that we’ve gotten to the first anniversary of his death.

Thankfully, Stan Lee has a legacy that’s so much bigger than all the fighting his estate has caused. This will all eventually get sorted out and all people will remember about Stan is the joy he brought into the world. They didn’t call him Smilin’ Stan Lee for nothing.

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Leaked Audio Reveals Eminem Siding With Chris Brown in Rihanna Domestic Abuse

Oh boy, Eminem is in trouble. An audio leak of unused lyrics from a 2009 session had Slim saying “Of course I side with Chris Brown, I’d beat a bitch down too.” Which is not ideal. But I think we need to put some thought into what this means before we get our pitchforks.

First of all, the audio clip, which surfaced on Reddit, is from ten years ago. People change a lot in 10 years. Ten years ago Marvel movies were still good, Donald Trump was a reality TV star and whoever Leonard DiCaprio is dating was learning her times tables (and I’m guessing she never grasped them). At the time, Eminem was really pushing a misogynist image that he appears to have moved on from.

Secondly, and this is still related, these were lyrics in a song and not something he said in an interview or expressed as a viewpoint he had. Brian Wilson doesn’t really want to go to Kokomo, which is not even a real place anyway and Don Henley unfortunately didn’t get trapped for eternity in a haunted hotel.

In 2013, The Onion ran a story with the headline “Eminem Terrified As Daughter Begins Dating Man Raised On His Music.” The comedy in this is, of course, that Eminem doesn’t actually believe the terrible things he says in his music. And this is far from the worst thing he’s ever said in a song.

But also, he didn’t really say it in a song. He considered saying it in a song. They lyric was obviously cut from the final version of the song, ‘Things Get Worse’ when it eventually released. Now, we don’t know exactly why it was cut, but I don’t think it’s fair to assume Eminem stands behind this lyric when he never put it in the final version of the song; obviously, for whatever reason, he felt it was inappropriate.

Now, some people were angry over the deleted lyric, like supermodel Emily Rattata, who is in the top percentage of Emilys and had this to say on Twitter.

Like I said, I don’t think it’s fair. He’s essentially playing a character, it was 10 years ago and he ended up cutting the lyric, making it more of a thought he had than a thing he said.

I understand why people would be mad about it, Chris Brown is a huge piece of shit and people get unreasonably angry about this sort of thing now, but I think it’s safe to say Eminem doesn’t actually think beating the shit out of your girlfriend is a good thing.

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Everyone Who Said ‘Joker’ Was Going to Get People Killed Owes Us an Apology

It’s been about a month since Joker opened and not one person has been killed because of it. In fact, it’s close to making a billion dollars worldwide and is already the highest-grossing R-Rated film of all time. This is somewhat surprising to me, because I was basically promised that dozens if not hundreds of people would be murdered if this movie about a children’s cartoon character was allowed to open in theaters. I would describe some media outlets as almost giddy at the prospect.

Here are a few examples of the sort of rhetoric surrounding Joker before it released. The Telegraph’s film critic Robbie Collin said he was afraid Joker was going to get someone killed.

Scott Feinberg from THR said the film “could incite real-world problems.”

Vanity Fair’s Richard Lawson said “But from a step back, outside in the baking Venetian heat, it also may be irresponsible propaganda for the very men it pathologizes.”

And so on. Not every critic was wrong, and I particularly enjoyed Leslie Lee III’s deep dive into how Joker had an explicitly left-wing political message, but he was on of the few voices of sanity on this.

Joker is not even the first movie of its kind, it’s in the vein of Falling Down or Taxi Driver. Now, it is true that someone tried to shoot Ronald Reagan after seeing Taxi Driver, but that was just because he wanted to sleep with 13-year-old Jodie Foster, not to mention he was also all hopped on the hard stuff: The Catcher in the Rye. No single piece of media has had as many people carry out violent acts claiming they were inspired by it as The Catcher in the Rye, aside from every single religious text.

But really, no study has ever shown a link between media violence and real-world violence. People assume it must be related because of course someone who plays a game where they run around shooting people will actually start shooting people, it makes so much sense. Except 250 million people play Fortnite so even if media violence did cause real-world violence it would have to be at an absolutely minuscule rate or else we would have Fortnite players running around shooting each other or pickaxing each other or building stairs or whatever Fortnite players actually do. Seems like it’s mostly buying skins.

Knowing this, news organizations and people with large platforms still spread the idea that the character of the Joker was somehow uniquely capable of warping the minds of an audience even though the first guy to play the character did so with grease paint over his mustache because he refused to shave it.

The only thing irresponsible here is news organizations spreading this sort of insanity, mostly based on a long-debunked rumor about a mass shooter who targeted a movie theater that was coincidentally playing a Batman movie, one that the Joker wasn’t even in. The story that we were presented with never even made sense. We were told that the content of Joker made it likely that someone would be inspired to carry out a mass shooting, and that the time and place they would do it would be in a movie theater playing Joker on opening weekend. How does that even make sense?

What the media did with Joker was far more likely to cause a mass shooting than the content of the movie itself. You could practically see the drool on the corner of the mouths of some of the cultural critics champing at the bit to make the person who proves them right famous.

Think about the people who actually believed these stories for a second. Not only is it unethical to cause people that much undue stress for something with no basis in reality, it has to hurt the trust people have in these institutions. And if they had any decency at all, they’d apologize to us for it.

The post Everyone Who Said ‘Joker’ Was Going to Get People Killed Owes Us an Apology appeared first on The Blemish.

World Series Protestors Brought Naked Boobs to National Television

Hey, did you catch the big protest at Game 5 of the World Series?

No, not the protests against Trump. I mean, it was really funny to see all the color drain out of his and Melania’s faces when they realized the entire stadium was booing them, but that’s not what this is about.

This is about the “Free the Nipple” protestors behind home plate who flashed their tatas at Fox’s cameras.

Yeah, that happened. That was like a quadruple Janet Jackson. Joe Buck seemed shocked into silence there, which is not an everyday occurrence.

TMZ caught up with the women behind the protest and it turns out they’re models who were looking to promote breast cancer awareness and themselves, as well as protesting the toplessness double standards in society.

I am also a supporter of Free the Nipple, I think women should be able to shake their melons wherever and whenever they choose.

The two women who baked their potatoes at the World Series are models named Julia Rose and Lauren Summer, and they’re both Instagram models and they’re very committed to being topless.

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ready for cold weather hbu

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the perfect weather to ride with the top off

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Safety first 🏎

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Keep good friends close ❤ with my babe @its_juliarose 🍌

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Keep fighting the good fight, ladies.

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Ben Affleck is on Dating Apps to Meet Women

There’s a dating app called Raya that goes to great lengths to be exclusive. Users have to be recommended by a member and then approved by a committee, sort of like a country club except that Raya lets Jewish people join on occasion.

Ben Affleck has been trolling the celebrity-focused platform for dates, according to Page Six.

“He seems to want a real partner and is not looking to date a celebrity,” a source said. “He is private and is in a good space right now … He has his kids and is focusing on work, but is ready to be in love again.”

Seems like a lofty goal for an app that seems taylor-made for connecting gold-digging instathots with movie stars. It’s an extra monthly fee to filter out all the just-turned-18-year-olds that haven’t already banged Leonardo DiCaprio.

Membership on Raya is conditional on creating a photo montage set to music, a thing I am not making up. And after Page Six’s first report on Affleck’s use of the app, he changed the song for his to Bob Marley’s ‘Guava Jelly’.

Yeah, when I hear that song I think “Ben Affleck.”

He’s probably just really bummed people think the weird kid from Twilight is a much, much better choice for Batman than he was.

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Rob Lowe Says Accidentally Being a Child Pornographer is ‘The Best Thing That Ever Happened’ to Him

Remember when Rob Lowe made a sex tape with a 16-year-old? Well it must have been great because he just said it was the best thing that ever happened to him on The Jess Cagle Show.

Of course, what he actually said, as reported by Page Six, is closer to that was hitting rock bottom and let him turn his life around, but it’s a pretty odd way to talk about the time you accidentally made child pornography.

“I think it’s the best thing that ever happened to me,” Lowe, 55, said on SiriusXM’s “The Jess Cagle Show.” “Honestly, I do, because it got me sober. Sober got me married. I’ve been married 29 years and I have two great sons, so I don’t think any of that happens without going through that scandal.”

He continued, “It was one of the reasons I got sober. I woke up one day and was like, ‘What am I doing with my life? 29 years in.’”

I would put the low point of his life as being forced to be on The West Wing, honestly. The sex tape has probably held up way better than anything Aaron Sorkin ever wrote, at any rate.

Lowe also made a joke about how sex tapes have turned out better for other celebrities.

“The problem was, I didn’t make any money off of it like everybody does now,” Lowe told Cagle of the tape, seemingly alluding to similar scandals involving Kim Kardashian and Paris Hilton, whose own sex tapes were released for sale to the public. “I was too stupid.”

Also your costar was a 16-year-old so I doubt Vivid would have paid much for the rights to something that would be a felony to publish or even own.

But this does go to show you how charming and talented Lowe is, and how lucky he is that Parks and Recreation wasn’t really all that focused on its dated Obama-era “let’s all come together” politics. Also how lucky he is the age of consent in Georgia was 14 in the 80s.

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James Gunn is Absolutely Losing Sleep Because Respected Directors Don’t Like Marvel Movies

Over the past week or so two of cinema’s greatest living directors, Martin Scorsese and Francis Ford Coppola, have expressed their disdain for comic book movies. It’s not surprising to me, but it seems like a lot of people didn’t realize that genre fare is not generally considered serious art or literature. There are some crossover creators like Michael Chabon, Quentin Tarantino and Kenneth Branagh, but usually genre is genre.

Marvel director James Gunn apparently just cannot deal with this. I feel bad for him because as Marvel directors go, he’s the best. With the exception of Kenneth Branagh, that is. But he’s very, very good at making genre action-comedies. So good that everyone else has essentially just copied what he did to the point where it’s annoying and you start to see what Scorsese and Coppola are talking about.

When Scorsese said that comic book movies aren’t cinema but instead are “theme parks,” here’s what Gunn said.

Now, Scorsese said he “tried” to watch Marvel movies, so it’s not exactly the same, and even though Gunn goes on to say he’s not trying say he made anything remotely as brilliant as The Last Temptation of Christ, he may not want to invite the comparison.

But that was almost a month ago. More recently, Francis Ford Coppola weighed in and he was nowhere near as kind as Scorsese. After all, theme parks are fun. It’s a nice way to spend a vacation. Adult humans go to theme parks alone all the time. Weird adult humans but adults nonetheless.

Here’s what Coppola said when asked about it, via Fox News:

“When Martin Scorsese says that the Marvel pictures are not cinema, he’s right, because we expect to learn something from cinema, we expect to gain something, some enlightenment, some knowledge, some inspiration,” Coppola said while speaking to a journalist in Lyon. “I don’t know that anyone gets anything out of seeing the same move over and over again. Martin was kind when he said it’s not cinema. He didn’t say it’s despicable, which I just say it is.”

Despicable. I don’t think I’d go that far, even though Disney is a pretty evil corporation.

Guess who didn’t like this? If you guessed Marvel fans, you’re right. Matt Oswalt, the brother of Patton Oswalt, had some advice for angry Marvel fans.

I rather like the comparison of Marvel films to Dane Cook.

But James Gunn, again, seems very hurt by this.

Gunn talks about the disrespect genre films have traditionally gotten and says how disappointed he is that comic book movies get the same disrespect but, James… you’re not Quentin Tarantino. You’re never going to be Quentin Tarantino.

I actually feel a little bad for James Gunn. He’s created the template for films at a studio that fired Edgar Wright for being too creative but he apparently is laboring under the delusion that he’s making art. James… you’re working for the McDonalds of cinema. It’s fine, everyone loves a quarter pounder with cheese and those fries and some nuggets sometimes. But McDonalds isn’t going to get a Michelin star and you’re not going to get an Oscar. Just do what the Russo brothers do and crap out seven hours of absolute mediocrity and cash your check.

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Jason Alexander Thinks His Experience as a Marine Biologist Makes Him the Perfect Penguin

After years of preventing Deathstroke the Terminator (or Slade to you Teen Titans fans) from returning to Arrow because Joe Manganiello was going to play him in that Ben Affleck Batman film, none of that is happening and we very nearly got a movie where the super gay vampire from Twilight fought the fat kid from Superbad. Okay, now I kind of want that.

Now that Seth Rogan’s friend has backed out of playing a Batman villain, there are all sorts of rumors about who might be the villain. Seth Rogan was rumored for a day but had already turned it down, because if bargain basement Seth Rogan didn’t want the role why would the real Seth Rogan?

But all hope is not lost, because there is someone out there willing to play The Penguin.

This is a pretty great tweet for a few reasons. First is, obviously, the reference to George Constanta and one of Seinfeld’s most classic moments.  Second is no one doubted for a moment that Jason Alexander wasn’t available; while Julia Louis-Dreyfus was sweeping the Emmys year after year and Michael Richards was saying the n-word, the only thing Jason Alexander has done is a failed sitcom where he played Tony Kornheiser. Yeah, all the Kornheiser fans were really excited for that one.

Alexander followed this up with an even funnier tweet.

I mean, did people think that Jonah Hill died and Jason Alexander responded by making a joke about it? And said joke was the only tweet about it? Is that really a thing that happened? I’m not sure which way actually makes the joke funnier, honestly.

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Lizzo Accused of Plagiarizing Her Big Hit ‘Truth Hurts’

One of these days I’m going to get accused of plagiarizing my own tweets because I tweet a lot of the jokes I make in these articles while I’m writing, so they’re out there way before the articles get published.

What happened to Lizzo was a little different because the line “I just took a DNA test, turns out I’m 100% that bitch” came from a tweet from someone else, but that’s small potatoes compared to the accusation that the entire song was written with two artists who didn’t get credit or money for it, which is the allegation Justin Raisen made on Instagram.

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The Truth about “Truth Hurts” On April 11th, 2017, we wrote a song called “Healthy” w/ Lizzo, Jesse St John, and Yves Rothman at our studio. “I just took a DNA test turns out I’m 100% that bitch” was taken from “Healthy” and used in “Truth Hurts”. We were never contacted about being credited for the use of the parts of “Healthy” (melody, lyrics, and chords) that appear in “Truth Hurts”. After reaching out to Ricky Reed and Lizzo’s team about fixing it, we put the song in dispute in 2017 when it came out. We’ve tried to sort this out quietly for the last two years, only asking for 5% each but were shutdown every time. Coming forward publicly to family, friends, artists, and colleagues seems to be the only way at this point in relieving some of our emotional distress caused by this. The last thing we want to do is throw any negativity toward Lizzo’s momentum and movement as a cultural figure. If we believe in what she’s preaching, believing in ourselves & our own voices is something we thought she’d understand. Shout out to the singer Mina Lioness ( @minalioness ) for tweeting “I just did a DNA test turns out I’m 100% that bitch”. A meme of that came up in our writing session & inspired the lyric and melody we wrote together. If Ricky and Lizzo’s team decide to settle this dispute with us, we would like to share some of the proceeds with Mina for her influence on Healthy. The clip below shows a video & photos from the day we wrote “Healthy” along with the comparisons between the two works. All the Love, Justin & Jeremiah Raisen #lizzo #truthhurts #healthy #billboard

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On April 11th, 2017, we wrote a song called “Healthy” w/ Lizzo, Jesse St John, and Yves Rothman at our studio. “I just took a DNA test turns out I’m 100% that bitch” was taken from “Healthy” and used in “Truth Hurts”. We were never contacted about being credited for the use of the parts of “Healthy” (melody, lyrics, and chords) that appear in “Truth Hurts”. After reaching out to Ricky Reed and Lizzo’s team about fixing it, we put the song in dispute in 2017 when it came out. We’ve tried to sort this out quietly for the last two years, only asking for 5% each but were shutdown every time.
Coming forward publicly to family, friends, artists, and colleagues seems to be the only way at this point in relieving some of our emotional distress caused by this. The last thing we want to do is throw any negativity toward Lizzo’s momentum and movement as a cultural figure. If we believe in what she’s preaching, believing in ourselves & our own voices is something we thought she’d understand.
Shout out to the singer Mina Lioness ( @minalioness ) for tweeting “I just did a DNA test turns out I’m 100% that bitch”. A meme of that came up in our writing session & inspired the lyric and melody we wrote together. If Ricky and Lizzo’s team decide to settle this dispute with us, we would like to share some of the proceeds with Mina for her influence on Healthy.

The clip below shows a video & photos from the day we wrote “Healthy” along with the comparisons between the two works.
All the Love,
Justin & Jeremiah Raisen

If we’re being 100% honest here, we don’t even know if Lizzo is going to be the next Cardi B or just the next Los Del Rio. Remember them? Of course you don’t. But they never attacked an UberEats driver they had given the wrong address to.

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LeBron James Stands With You, As Long As It Doesn’t Cost Him Money

During the 2017 NFL season, Colin Kaepernick kneeled during the national anthem to protest social injustice and police brutality. Kaepernick would never again play in the NFL after that but did settle a collusion grievance with the league.

At the NBA All-Star game that year, LeBron James applauded Kaep saying, “And I hope that the word of what he did will live on throughout American history but also world history because it’s important for all of us, not only the African Americans but for everybody that wants to stand up for something that’s more important than them.” James added, “I think it’s important to stick up for what you believe in, you know what I’m saying?”

I’m bringing this up because James is once again fighting injustice by standing up for Daryl Morey, the Houston Rockets GM who tweeted that he stood with Hong Kong. Haha, just kidding. LeBron actually told Morey to shut the fuck up in the nicest way possible because he may be costing him and his NBA friends a lot of money.

When asked whether Morey should have been reprimanded for his tweet, LeBron said, “l think that’s another situation that should stay behind closed doors… I think when we all sit back and learn from the situation that happened, understand that what you could tweet or could say… We all talk about this freedom of speech. Yes, we all do have freedom of speech, but at times there are ramifications for the negative that can happen when you’re not thinking about others, and you’re only thinking about yourself. I don’t want to get into a word or sentence feud with Daryl Morey, but I believe he wasn’t educated on the situation at hand, and he spoke. And so many people could have been harmed, not only financially, but physically. Emotionally. Spiritually. So just be careful what we tweet and what we say, and what we do. Even though yes, we do have freedom of speech, but there can be a lot of negative that comes with that too.”

LeBron is right. There are ramifications for freedom of speech. Like when LeBron criticized Donald Trump saying he didn’t “give a shit about the people” and angered a lot of conservatives and could have hurt the NBA. He also tweeted:

This drew a response from Fox News host Laura Ingraham who said, “It’s always unwise to seek political advice from someone who gets paid $100 million a year to bounce a ball. Keep the political comments to yourselves. … Shut up and dribble.” LeBron was nonplussed because the people he alienated weren’t people he cared about.

LeBron would later respond with, “I knew at that moment I was bigger than just basketball and I had to say something. Because it wasn’t just about me. It was about all of us.”

Hey, but what about Morey. Wasn’t he standing up for something he believed in? Yea, but, what LeBron meant is you stand up for what you believe in as long as it doesn’t affect his bottom line.

Asked what he meant about Morey being uninformed: “That’s just my belief. I don’t know. That’s my belief. That’s all I can say. I believe he was either misinformed or not really educated on the situation. And if he was, then so be it, but I have no idea. That’s just my belief that when you say things or do things, and you know the people that can be affected by it, and the families and the individuals and everyone that can be affected by it, sometimes things can be changed. And also sometimes social media is not always the proper way to go about things as well. But that’s just my belief.”

Look. I get what LeBron is saying. He really needs Space Jam 2 to succeed in China so he can buy more cars. He also wants a cut of those profits from the Nike product placements. His social credit shooting through the roof won’t hurt either. If I was him, I’d sellout too. I mean, if someone wanted to give me $10 million to turn myself into a Breitbart mouthpiece, I’d pay Steve Bannon to write a think piece about owning the libtards. Unfortunately for lovers of the Commander and Queef, no one is giving me money so all of you guys are going to have to deal with the word salad spewing out of my mouth about LeBron James being a hypocrite.

Twitter was not having it.

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As Far as China is Concerned, Zedd’s Dead, Baby

China has had something of a scorched earth policy when it comes to any sort of criticism of their totalitarian regime and talking about things like how they’re committing genocide against the Uighurs and brutally cracking down on pro-democracy protestors in Hong Kong.

Like, I’m probably going to get Red Dawned tomorrow for showing you this video of a protester taking down a Chinese police officer with a flying kick but it’s so awesome.

That was so sweet.

China’s crushing of dissent is so thorough and borderline passive-aggressive that they’ve banned German DJ Zedd from the country for liking a South Park tweet.

I took a look through Zedd’s likes (and his dislikes, which was just “teenagers with attitude”) and it turns out he only liked one South Park tweet recently, this one.

That’s completely unrelated to China.

Naturally, I thought this was a joke. Honestly, it would be pretty funny, like a South Park tweet not about China and then tweet this. But it’s fucking real, CNBC confirmed he wasn’t joking about it.

“This is true, yes, but we don’t have anymore info to give you at this time,” Adam Guest, senior entertainment publicist at U.K.-based SATELLITE414 agency, told CNBC. It’s unclear at the moment whether this means that Zedd has a travel ban to China. As of Saturday, his music was still available on Chinese music streaming site QQ Music.

South Park had been the only high-profile endeavors to actually stand up to China while brands like Marvel have been meticulously self-censoring to appease China, but it seems they have actually influenced the conversation because the public’s attitude has started to change.

Blizzard Entertainment had penalized a Hearthstone player over ten thousand dollars and banned him from competition for a year, but it scaled back to no monetary penalty and a six-month ban in the face of public outrage that the move failed to quell. They also issued a statement saying the penalty wasn’t about the content of the message, and that no political speech would be tolerated regardless of content.

Moving forward, we will continue to apply tournament rules to ensure our official broadcasts remain focused on the game and are not a platform for divisive social or political views.

Everyone in the world knows that this is bullshit. But it does show that just shrugging, doing what makes China happy and saying “that’s just how it is now” isn’t going to fly anymore.

The NBA also sought to distance itself from China, with commissioner Adam Silver issuing a statement reiterating the league’s commitment to free speech.

This may be premature, but there’s hope that companies in the western world aren’t just going to openly prostrate themselves on the altar of Chinese money anymore.

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People Have Been Inserting Other Iconic Laughs Into ‘Joker’ and I’m Here For It

Joker was the top movie in the country on its opening weekend and not a single person was shot, much to the chagrin of basically every media outlet in the country who had been salivating for this weekend to be Aurora 2: Electric Boogaloo.

But it has become a sort of pop culture phenomenon. Particularly Joaquin Phoenix’s laugh, sort of a plot point in the film.

Social media users have been replacing that laugh with other famous laughs and it’s amazing.

Remember Tidus’s disturbingly bad laugh from Final Fantasy X?

I saved the two best for last. The first one is Peter Griffin.

The second one is British comedian Jimmy Carr, who has a laugh that is charitably described as “fucked up.”

That is 100% the content I signed up to this hellsite to see.

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Brie Larson and Other Marvel Actresses Want an ‘All-Female Marvel Movie‘, Whatever That Means

Brie Larson has a knack for being controversial for saying some pretty uncontroversial things. The people who don’t like her really don’t like her, which is weird because she was in Scott Pilgrim vs The World and she played the perfect woman.

True, she’s never been sexier than when she was Envy Adams, but she’s also a great actress. She won a Golden Globe, and it’s not like you can just buy one of those with lavish bribes. Okay, but she also won an Oscar, and that’s the mark of real quality, like Crash and Green Book. Oh. Oh no. Okay, well, I like her anyway so shut up.

Larson recently caught the applause and ire of various people predisposed to either love or hate everything she says in a Variety interview where she said that she and other actresses have been pushing Disney to do an “all-female Marvel movie.”

“I will say that a lot of the female cast members from Marvel walked up to Kevin and we were like, ‘We are in this together, we want to do this,’” Larson explained. “What that means, I have no idea. You know, I’m not in charge of the future of Marvel, but it is something that we’re really passionate about and we love and I feel like if enough people out in the world talk about how much they want it, maybe it’ll happen.”

See, even Brie Larson doesn’t know what that even means. Marvel has made two female-led movies already, Captain Marvel and the upcoming Black Widow. Kind of weird how both female-led movies are set in the past, though. I assume they mean something like DC’s upcoming Birds of Prey film, but good.

I mean, it could work. Marvel had an all-female Avengers book called A-Force, and that lasted… oh, fifteen issues and it was cancelled twice. To be fair, people probably conflated it with X-Force, the terrible X-Men spin-off that was popular in the 90s despite everything about it being bad. Fox had enough sense to just make it and the characters from it into a throwaway gag in Deadpool 2, but it’s the sort of thing Disney would totally try to build into a franchise.

It would probably be a good movie, though. Marvel films are so formulaic that they can just plug whatever characters into them and make $500-$750 million easily, so why not all female heroes? Marvel already just tosses heroes together in films like Thor: Ragnarok, so why not throw a few female heroes together. You know, other than the fact that almost every interesting female Marvel character is from an X-Men title. Better get on those X-Men movies, Fiege.

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‘South Park’ Stands Up to China, Unlike NBA, Blizzard Entertainment

The politics of South Park are some of the most speculated-about and misunderstood topics in television since the show burst onto the scene over twenty years ago. The bottom line is that Parker and Stone are iconoclasts; they have a problem with authority and especially with being told they can’t do something.

For example, the show’s 200th episode was a two-parter all about showing the prophet Muhammad. Even talking about showing an image of Muhammad was too much for Comedy Central who have pulled the episode as if it had Michael Jackson in it.

Now the thing you can’t do is make fun of China or their President for Life, Winnie Jinpooh, who changed Chinese law to make himself President for Life. Yeah, seriously, the guy is anti-Democratic even by Chinese standards.

But China has a lot of money, and big American corporations would like some of that money, please. They will basically do anything to get that money. Like, you know how Marvel is always taking about how woke they are but any reference to any character being anything other than 100% straight has been meticulously cut from their movies, aside from a character who doesn’t even have a name in Endgame? That’s because China has rules about depicting homosexuality and Disney cares way, way more about Chinese money than American values.

This was the topic of last week’s episode of South Park, ‘Band in China’. Stan forms a band and his label is constantly giving him notes about what he can and can’t say to be successful in China and Randy flies to China to try to sell weed, ending up in prison with Winnie the Pooh. If you’re curious, China banned all references to the beloved children’s character because protestors once claimed President Xi Jinping looked like Winnie the Pooh.

They also banned last week’s episode of South Park, surprise surprise. To put what happened next into perspective, two other major brands bent over and kissed China’s ass just today.

First was Blizzard Entertainment, makers of Hearthstone and World of Warcraft.

That’s right, Blizzard took down the video from a major tournament because a player from Hong Kong, who won, used his platform to call for independence for Hong Kong. It also did not allow players from Taiwan to use the Taiwan flag.

Then there was the NBA. There aren’t even any NBA teams in China, but they’re still licking that Chinese boot. The GM of the Houston Rockets, Daryl Morey, made a tweet supporting the Hong Kong protestors which was deleted by the morning and he was almost fired by the Rockets. Morey tweeted an apology, presumably with a metaphorical gun to his head.

Which brings us back to South Park, who tweeted their own apology.

It reads:


“Like the NBA, we welcome the Chinese censors into our homes and into our hearts. We too love money more than freedom and democracy. Xi doesn’t look just like Winnie the Pooh at all. Tune into our 300th episode this Wednesday at 10! Long live the Great Communist Party of China! May this autumn’s sorghum harvest be bountiful! We good now China?”

I told you they don’t like being told what to do. And unlike much, much richer people, Parker and Stone aren’t afraid to tell a huge market to fuck off if they can’t be free to do what they want to do.

In conclusion, free Tibet and hire Colin Kaepernick.

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Chrissy Teigen Wanted a Normal Tacky Tattoo, Came Away Looking Like a Holocaust Survivor

Maybe the number one thing on the list of things you’re going to get in trouble for is making light of the Holocaust. I mean, unless you’re making Hogan’s Heroes, in which case go nuts, people loved that show about the incompetent guards in the Nazi prison camp.

Now, I am positive that Chrissy Teigen just wanted a cute tattoo to remind her of her family and settled on her, her husband’s and her two kid’s birthdays. It’s a cute idea, maybe up on your bicep with a heart around it, right? Wouldn’t that be adorable? What she did get was a series of numbers tattooed on the inside of her forearm.

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cool mom back at it again with @winterstone!!!!

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Again, I am positive that Teigen never realized for a second that she had marched (goose-stepped?) into a tattoo parlor and asked for a Dachau Special.

This really does seem like the sort of thing a tattoo artist should catch. Like, day one of tattoo school class should be “no strings of numbers on the inside of the forearm and no penises on the face of someone who is passed out drunk.”

Honestly, I think Teigen’s only real play here is to become a Holocaust-denier. It’s probably preferable to being this level of uninformed. When anyone brings it up just say “That’s a myth, Hitler just wanted to get all the Jews in one place to throw them a big party.” It worked for Mel Gibson,

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Lawsuit Says James Franco’s Acting School Was Just a Ploy to Hire Naked Extras

It’s been almost two years since we heard the first allegations the something untoward was going on at James Franco’s acting school. For starters, people were taking acting lessons from James Franco. I kid, Franco is actually a really good actor, which is lucky for him because he’s a terrible writer.

The New York Times reports Franco is now being sued by two of the women who attended his acting school who are basically claiming that it was just an excuse to find women to get naked in the background of Franco’s overindulgent indie films.

Ms. Tither-Kaplan said she went on to take the class, which provided a stepping stone to roles in Mr. Franco’s independent films, some of which remain unreleased. In these roles, Ms. Tither-Kaplan said, she was often asked to appear in nude scenes or sex scenes. During the making of an orgy scene for one of his films, Mr. Franco removed plastic guards that covered other actresses’ vaginas while he simulated oral sex on them, according to the lawsuit.

As far as I can tell, this is the most serious of the allegations, Franco removing the protective vagina covering during simulated sex scenes. Also, if you take the plastic cover off of a vagina then you won’t be able to tell if they’ve been tampered with. Little known fact.

Franco denies the allegations.

In a statement, Mr. Franco’s lawyer Michael Plonsker denied the accusations and called the lawsuit “ill-informed.”

“James will not only fully defend himself, but will also seek damages from the plaintiffs and their attorneys for filing this scurrilous publicity-seeking lawsuit,” Mr. Plonsker said.

I can’t take a man named Plonsker seriously, it’s one letter away from being a British penis.

James Franco is, by all accounts, a bit of a creep. Unfortunately, you can’t really sue someone for being a creep. And I doubt that James Franco’s acting lessons were actually worthless, he is a good actor. The fact that years later you haven’t heard any of these women’s names is probably a decent indicator of why Franco didn’t give them larger speaking roles in his films.

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What Rapper and/or Basketball Player Will Kylie Jenner Date After Her Break-Up With Travis Scott?

Unless you’ve been living under a rock, you’ve probably heard the horrible news. No, not that the President and the former Vice-President are both corrupt and have Alzheimer’s, I mean the important news. Kylie Jenner and Travis Scott broke up!

According to TMZ, the couple are “taking a break,” which we all know is bullshit. I’m still “taking a break” with a girl I dated in high school who is now married and has three kids; I’m sure she’ll be ready to get back together any day now.

We’re told they’ve been trying to make the relationship work for a while, but several weeks ago they decided to step away — at least for now. Worth noting … Kylie hasn’t posted anything with Travis since Sept. 10.

“I just don’t think it’s a good idea to be in a relationship right now, Travis.”

People reported that Kylie wants to have another baby, but didn’t trust Travis enough for it to be with him.

But while the makeup mogul, 22, is ready to settle down and expand their family, Scott, 28, is still focused on his booming music career. According to the source, the stress of their lifestyles put a strain on the relationship.

“She still has trust issues with Travis. He hasn’t been giving her the commitment that she needs,” says the source. “Travis isn’t ready to give her all that she wants.”

So what rapper and/or NBA player will Kylie date next? The Daily Mail says we don’t even have to wait to find out because Kylie and two of her friends gave Tyga a 2 a.m. booty call.

In an eyebrow-raising twist, they headed straight to the Sunset Marquis, where Kylie’s ex boyfriend Tyga was working in the hotel’s recording studio.

Kylie’s spokesperson declined to comment when contacted by DailyMail.com on Wednesday.

No really, Travis, it’s not you, it’s me. Let’s all hope Travis Scott doesn’t see Joker this weekend.

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R. Kelly is Fighting For His Fucking Life, Right to Have Threesomes in Prison

Being in prison kind of sucks. I mean, not even by design, it’s become an industry built around human suffering designed to put people into prisons with terrible conditions so the big corporations who run them can make money.

But the thing that R. Kelly is complaining about is the lack of threesomes. In fact, his lawyer argues he should be let out on bail because he is having very few threesomes while in prison, according to CNN.

“His visits are severely restricted; presently, he is only allowed one unrelated person to visit. In other words, although he lives and has lived with two lady friends, only one of them is allowed to be on his visiting list, and after 90 days he is required to switch,” Greenberg says in the motion. “No other friends or professional colleagues are allowed to visit. That is not right.”

Okay, so it’s a little worse than just no threesomes. That is a pretty messed up visitation rule though. What is even the point other than being mean? But I do like that “he has lived with two lady friends” is in a legal document.

Kelly’s lawyer also argues that Kelly doesn’t present a flight risk or a risk to victims if set free, which… last time he got out of jail he immediately headed over to the McDonalds he picks up teenagers at. It’s just not helping his case.

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Aaron Carter Got a Giant Face Tattoo to Prove How Not Crazy He Is

If there’s one thing you can do to prove to everyone that you’re a perfectly sane, normal person it’s tell everyone your famous, successful brother raped a 91-year-old woman. If that doesn’t work, the second most stable and sane thing you can do is to get a face tattoo.

This is the course of action Aaron Carter is taking and it’s worked out great.

When I say it’s worked out well, I mean for me. Because look at that dipshit. What even is that? Is that Medusa? Did Aaron Carter get a Medusa tattoo?

Carter also says he’s the biggest thing in music right now, but I’m pretty sure that’s BTS, the Korean band with the sense to not get tattoos on their beautiful, beautiful faces.

Seriously, when is the last time Aaron Carter even released an album? Apparently it was about two years ago, which is weird because until he went batshit the last time I heard his name is when he was still putting it in Hilary Duff.

I love how he tags Worldstar in the himself. The only way he’s going to end up on Worldstar is when his brother knocks him out in the street.

And doing donuts on an ATV is “living your best life”? You know that Netflix exists, right? Also prostitutes.

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Ariel Winter Is Here to Remind You About Her Boobs

What is Ariel Winter going ot do after Modern Family calls it quits? Hopefully, continue posting cleavage shots on Instagram.

Not much backstory to this, so let’s just say it’s a Friday gift from Winter to you.

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FriYAY #mood 🙃

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Winter recently told Shape how she had to get over depression from all the body shaming people did.

“I’ve faced body shaming and cyber bullies for about seven or eight years now that I’ve been in the spotlight. At 11 years old, I started working on the show and I was super flat and had no curves and was getting hate for that. Then overnight, my body changed and I was this curvy woman. I didn’t know how to navigate that and got so much hate for it. It was really hurtful, and I struggled a lot. I tried to crash diet to lose weight to try to fit the standard of what I thought everyone wanted me to look like…I definitely wasn’t making myself any happier. It led to a lot of depression and anxiety. But now I’m at the point where I’ve stopped reading Instagram comments. I do what I want, I post what I want, and I say what I want. I don’t focus on pleasing anyone else but myself.”

She also touches on that boob reduction surgery she had:

I got a lot of confused people after my surgery being like, ‘Well, you’re trying to tell people to love their bodies just the way they are, but you got a breast reduction’, and you know, the thing is, my body was great back then but I did something because I felt it was better for me. I had back problems, and I felt I wasn’t right in my own skin, so I made the change for me.

Fight depression, tell Ariel Winter that her boobs are amazing.

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6ix9ine Would Rather Get Murdered Than Not Be Famous

It was going to be hard for Tekashi 6ix9ine to go into witness protection considering, you know, the face tattoos. Imagine the following scenario.

”Hey, does that guy in hardware look familiar to you?”

”Who, old Jim?”

”Yeah. Don’t you think he looks like that rapper?”

”No, I can’t say he does. That’s just Jim 6ix9ine from Union Gap, Washington.”

It just wasn’t going to work out for him, which is something he probably should have thought of before he snitched on a bunch of members of a violent gang.

Now that he’s done snitching, though, 6ix9ine has decided that he’s not going into witness protection because he wants to stay famous. Via TMZ:

Did you ever see the episode of The Sopranos where Tony drops Meadow off at college? He sees a snitch in witness relocation, tracks him down and kills him. Think of how much easier it would have been for Tony to kill that guy if he had a website that said exactly where he was going to be and was performing in front of a large crowd of loud people.

I’m not saying 6ix9ine is definitely going to get murdered, but I will say he was probably going to get murdered either way so he might as well die rich.

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Jennifer Lopez Shit-Talked Basically Everyone in Resurfaced Interview

I think Jennifer Lopez and I are going to have a problem. An old interview recently resurfaced in which the diva slags off basically every other actress in Hollywood, and that is my job. You don’t see me running around with my fat ass hanging out of the back of my skirt starring in terrible movies, so just step back from the celebrity insults.

Here’s what Lopez said in the 1998 Movieline interview which recently went viral on social media.

Salma Hayek? “We’re in two different realms. She’s a sexy bombshell and those are the kinds of roles she does. I do all kinds of different things. It makes me laugh when she says she got offered Selena, which was an outright lie. If that’s what she does to get herself publicity, then that’s her thing. Columbia offered me the choice of Fools Rush In or Anaconda, but I chose the fun B-movie because the Fools script wasn’t strong enough.”

We’ve seen a lot of range and great performances from Salma Hayek over the years. She’s won an Emmy and was knighted in France. Jennifer Lopez won a Golden Raspberry for Gigli and didn’t get top billing over Constance Wu in a movie where she plays a 50-year-old whore.

Cameron Diaz? “A lucky model who’s been given a lot of opportunities I just wish she would have done more with. She’s beautiful and has a great presence, though, and in My Best Friend’s Wedding, I thought, ‘When directed, she can be good.'”

Gwyneth Paltrow? “Tell me what she’s been in? I swear to God, I don’t remember anything she was in. Some people get hot by association. I heard more about her and Brad Pitt than I ever heard about her work.”

Well, Gwyneth Paltrow is a crazy person now, so that’s okay.

Claire Danes? “A good actress. Her emotional and inner life are available to her, which is a good start. But I feel like I see a lot of the same thing with every character she does. She’s not that way in U-Turn, though.”

Winona Ryder? “I was never a big fan of hers. In Hollywood she’s revered, she gets nominated for Oscars, but I’ve never heard anyone in the public or among my friends say, ‘Oh, I love her.’ She’s cute and talented, though, and I’d like her just for looking like my older sister, Leslie.”

Wow, she called Winona Ryder old, nice backhanded compliment. How much do you think J-Lo would rather be on Stranger Things than in Hustlers?

Madonna? “Do I think she’s a great performer? Yeah. Do I think she’s a great actress? No. Acting is what I do, so I’m harder on people when they say, ‘Oh, I can do that–I can act.’ I’m like, ‘Hey, don’t spit on my craft.'”

I’d like to point out that, once again, Jennifer Lopez was in Gigli a few years after she said Madonna should stick to singing because she can’t act. I don’t actually think I can top that.

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Aaron Carter Says Brother Nick Raped a 91-Year-Old Woman

Remember Aaron and Nick Carter? Yeah, neither do I. Was one of them married to Jessica Simpson? That seems like a thing I remember happening. Was that another boy band member?

If you haven’t been following, and really, why would you have been, the you might have missed that Aaron has been becoming more and more unhinged. He has a huge cache of weapons and his brother Nick recently filed for a restraining order against him because he’s afraid Aaron wants to kill him and his family.

Aaron, however, is clearly determined to go all the way to Margot Kiddertown, because he’s accusing his brother Nick of raping a 91-year-old woman.

He tagged the FBI like half a dozen times. Also polygraph machines are bullshit and don’t work.

He also seems to be mad that the FBI hasn’t arrested his brother before he’s posted the unhinged rant to Instagram.

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unconditional love

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Then there was this.

Look, I’m pretty sure that Nick Carter hasn’t raped anyone, least of all a nonagenarian. And I hope Aaron gets some help before we find him crawling though the bushes in the Hollywood Hills.

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Antonio Brown Allegedly Just Has Sex in Front of His Employees

I find it very hard to imagine there’s someone in the world who is too shitty of a person to be a New England Patriot. But it turns out there are lines even the dirtiest team of cheaters the NFL has ever seen won’t cross, and Antonio Brown has freaking obliterated those lines.

Brown was accused of rape less than a day after signing with the Patriots. Then it got weirder when a video surfaced of him farting in his doctor’s face. Yeah.

Now TMZ is reporting that a woman who accused Brown of inappropriate sexual behavior says he had sex with another woman right in front of her while she was painting a mural.

“What is not detailed in the story is that Mr. Brown engaged in other forms of sexual misconduct during the two days that she worked in his home, which included Mr. Brown having sex with another woman while the artist was working in the same room.”

That’s the sort of thing a sociopath does. The woman also claims Brown sent her threatening texts.

This behavior was shocking enough for even Tom Brady and his deflated balls to back off of his support for Brown. Just kidding, Brady was only mad about Brown taking a shot at Patriots owner Robert Kraft for getting a handy in a massage parlor.

I mean, Brady has a MAGA hat in his locker, did anyone think he would turn on someone for being a rapist?

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Mr. 1+1 Not Equal to 2, Terrence Howard, Transcended at the Emmy Awards

Terrence Howard attended the Emmys with his ex-wife who he divorced back in 2015 and who he now owes $1.3 million to. There, he proceeded to say some really fucking weird shit on the red carpet.

Howard first said he’s leaving acting after Empire finishes.

“I’ve been playing pretend for forever. [There’s] no need to play pretend anymore,” Howard said, explaining that he wants to leave in order “to get to what I’m supposed to be. You know? It’s a good thing.” He added, “I’ve done my time.”

Hey, that sounds pretty normal. Well, it was until his mind slipped from reality.

“I spent 37 years pretending to be people so people can pretend to watch and enjoy what I’m doing when I’ve actually made some discoveries in my own personal life with science that Pythagoras was searching for,” began his eyebrow-raising rant.

“I was able to open up the flower of life properly and find the real wave conjugations that we’ve been looking for for 10,000 years. So… why would I continue, ya know.. walking on water for tips… when I’ve got an entire generation to teach a whole new world to?” he argued.

So will Mr. Baby Wipes be sharing his newfound enlightenment with the world? Why, of course he will. Why wouldn’t he?

“I’m going to be sharing that on Tuesday when I receive my star. I’m going to be able to prove that gravity is only an effect and not a force. I’m putting something on YouTube where I will build the planet Saturn without gravity and build the Milky Way galaxy without gravity,” he detailed.

I’d like to think his kind of crazy all started when one of his friends made a really obvious joke but didn’t realize how gullible Terrence Howard is and now Howard is deep into some dark web conspiracy theory physics that some schizophrenic published. The only difference between Terrence Howard and that homeless guy you pass by every morning is $5 million in the bank and a resemblance to Cuba Gooding Jr.

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Woman in Kevin Hart Sex Tape Wants $60 Million, Seems Like Reasonable Price for Sleeping With Kevin Hart

I still cannot get over the fact that Kevin Hart has a sex tape. It has officially caused way more problems for Hart than it was worth because now his scene partner is suing him for $60 million, as reported by E!.

Now two years later, Sabagg is accusing Hart of allowing his friend, JT Jackson, to “set up a hidden video recording device” in the hotel room and record their sexual relations. The lawsuit states that Hart “conspired” with Jackson “for the purpose of obtaining tremendous financial benefit for himself” by drumming up publicity for Hart’s Irresponsible Tour.

This makes no sense. Kevin Hart is the most popular stand-up comic in the world, why would he need to leak a sex tape like some dumbass heiress to get attention? Bitch, he was on Modern Family. Recurring! When it was still good! And judging by all the homophobic comments he got fired from the Oscars for, he probably doesn’t suck dick nearly as well as Paris Hilton.

TMZ reported that when the story first broke, Montia Sabbag said Hart was a victim and she didn’t want any money from him. Her tune has changed, but Hart is inclined to hold her to what she originally said.

We’re told Kevin, who is recovering from horrific injuries as a result of his car crash, will not pay Sabbag a penny. There will be no settlement.

But why would she change her tune like this and suddenly turn on Hart? Well, Radar Online has a theory.

“Tia has been trying to get into modeling and acting. She recently lost a movie role because someone made a call and mentioned the sex tape,” the source alleged.

The rejection caused Sabbag to realize that her acting career may never take off, said the insider, who confirmed the role was for a “legitimate movie and not X-rated.”

Again, I find this hard to believe because, well, Kim Kardashian is a huge star, and Paris Hilton used to be famous, too. Since when has Making a sex tape with, again, one of the biggest stars in the word, hurt anyone’s career? If she’s having trouble booking films, it’s only because we haven’t seen the tape yet.

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A Second Kevin Spacey Accuser Has Died, Probably Just a Coincidence, Right?

It’s a good time to be Kevin Spacey and a bad time to be someone who accused Kevin Spacey of sexual assault. For some reason, that I’m sure is a coincidence, two people who have accused Kevin Spacey of sexual assault have died just this year.

The first was a woman named Linda Culkin, who was kind of crazy. After she heard from a patient that Spacey had assaulted them, Culkin began a scorched-earth campaign of terror against Spacey for which she was ultimately sent to prison.

But she was also the first person to publicly accuse Spacey of being a sex pest. And she just sort of carelessly stepped out into traffic.

What a silly lady. Whoops!

Then a second accuser, a masseur who said Spacey had assaulted him during a massage, suddenly died, according to The Hollywood Reporter.

The individual, suing as a “John Doe,” filed claims in September 2018 with the allegation of being forced to grab the actor’s genitals twice during a massage two years earlier at a private residence in Malibu. In May, a federal judge in California allowed the case to move forwarddespite Spacey’s objection that the plaintiff’s identity was being shielded.

Now, just a month after the parties came to a plan for proceeding in the suit that detailed prospective discovery and envisioned a seven- to 11-day trial, the plaintiff’s attorney has informed Spacey that the client “recently passed.”

Spacey’s team wasted no time notifying the court, which puts the plaintiff’s estate on a 90-day clock to take over the case before it’s dismissed. It would be irresponsible of Spacey’s lawyers not to do this, but his anonymous accuser’s lawyer was still pissed.

Doe’s lawyer Genie Harrison on Wednesday sent The Hollywood Reporter a lengthy statement in response to the filing. “It is true that Mr. Doe recently died,” said Harrison. “His untimely death was, to his family, a devastating shock that they are struggling to process and is so recent that they have not yet held his funeral service. Out of professional responsibility, we notified Spacey’s counsel of Mr. Doe’s passing. We explained our intent to allow his family more time to get past their immediate, paralyzing grief and begin settling his affairs before we filed a death notice with the court — which is our prerogative as his counsel. Spacey ignored our request for compassion and filed the notice yesterday without our consent.”

And all this is taking place not long after another civil and criminal case against Spacey was dismissed when the accuser suddenly started taking the fifth and not cooperating with the prosecution. That kid is lucky he avoided whatever weird Mummy’s Curse is affecting people who accuse Spacey of sexual misconduct that Kevin Spacey definitely has nothing to do with.

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