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Wait, Is All That Crazy Stuff About Armie Hammer Actually True?

Yesterday we heard Armie Hammer had left a movie he was about to start filming because some alleged DMs from the star were leaked the supposedly showed him being into some pretty weird sex stuff, like beyond BDSM and into cannibalism and asking his lover of she’d cut off her toe so he could carry a piece of her around with him.

Now, we still don’t have proof that these DMs are authentic, but Hammer’s ex-girlfriend Courtney Vucekovich talked to Page Six about how the content of those messages does line up with the stuff she claims he was into when they were dating. Which is frankly insane.

“He said to me he wants to break my rib and barbecue and eat it,” app founder Courtney Vucekovich exclusively told Page Six.

Now, we’ve all gone a step or two too far when we’re with someone and they’re like “oh, talk dirty to me, spank me,” or whatever you’re into. This sounds like it’s beyond that.

“‘F–k that was weird,’ but you never think about it again,” she said of overlooking the odd behavior at the time. “He says, ‘I want to take a bite out of you.’ If I had a little cut on my hand, he’d like suck it or lick it. That’s about as weird as we got.”

I dated a girl with a vampire fetish once so that’s not too far out there, honestly. If these allegations are true, it sounds like Hammer would have a cannibal role-play fetish more than actually wanting to eat or disfigure someone.

“He likes the idea of skin in his teeth,” she claims.

That’s not really the disturbing part. This stuff is more funny than disturbing, like those weird Japanese porno comics where someone eats their partner after sex. I never thought those were actually supposed to be erotic, I always thought they were supposed to be gross and funny but it takes all kinds of fruit to make a fruit cup, I guess.

The actual disturbing part is that Vucekovich claims Hammer was emotionally abusive to the point that she had to seek in-patient care for PTSD after ending the relationship, which only lasted a few months.

At one point, Vucekovich found herself paying for everything, including gas for his truck, because he’s allegedly broke.

“He needs you,” she said. “He actually needs you.”

“It’s a full-time job when you’re with him the way that I was,” she explained. “I was trying to catch my breath the entire time I was with him. You’re drowning in this dark hole trying to stay afloat. There will be random moments of good that convince you to stay.”

Vucekovich said the relationship ended following an explosive fight and Hammer left.

“He blows up [women’s] lives like that and walks away,” she said.

If you recall, Hammer’s ex Jessica Ciencin Henrique also referred to Hammer as an abuser.

I’m not honestly sure if the picture that Vucekovich paints of Hammer is that of an abuser or of someone so damaged that he just damages everyone around him whether he means to or not. But either way, if these allegations are true, Hammer will need to seek some serious help for his issues.

The post Wait, Is All That Crazy Stuff About Armie Hammer Actually True? appeared first on The Blemish.

Armie Hammer Left a Film Role Over an Insane, Possibly Fake DM Leak

People are making a lot of accusations about celebrities that are pretty hard to believe, and this is after everyone very easily believed Matt Lauer had a rape button on his desk at Today.

Someone leaked DMs that are supposedly from actor Armie Hammer and they seem really fake. If they’re not fake, whenever you read a really fucked up Japanese porno comic and say “who is this for?” the answer is Armie Hammer.

But it’s not, these are almost certainly fake.

So what do they say? Glad you asked. According to The Daily Mail, Hammer told a woman “I am 100% a cannibal. I want to eat you.” He also allegedly told her “I need to drink your blood. Why the distance?”

It’s all stuff along those lines, weird BDSM, master and slave, 50 Shades of Grey stuff.

Hammer stepped away from a role in the Jennifer Lopez film Shotgun Wedding because of the accusations, telling Deadline “I’m not responding to these bullshit claims but in light of the vicious and spurious online attacks against me, I cannot in good conscience now leave my children for 4 months to shoot a film in the Dominican Republic. Lionsgate is supporting me in this and I’m grateful to them for that.”

Now, could there be any truth to these supposedly leaked DMs? Well, they haven’t been verified so I would take them with a grain of salt. But The Daily Mail does point out that Hammer does appear to have some interest in the whole BDSM kink thing.

Hammer previously made headlines of a similar nature in 2017, after he liked a series of tweets about BDSM sex acts.

Hammer’s ex Jessica Ciencin Henriquez tweeted “If you are still questioning whether or not those Armie Hammer DMs are real (and they are) maybe you should start questioning why we live in a culture willing to give abusers the benefit of the doubt instead of victims.”

Even if these alleged DMs are real, the worst thing about them is Hammer was married at the time. There’s nothing abusive in them that I’ve seen, just some really weird BDSM role play stuff a scorned ex released to embarrass him. Ask yourself if your ex could leak DMs that would embarrass you if everyone read them.

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Deadpool Is Coming to the MCU and He’s Keeping His R-Rating

Disney cares about a lot of things, and one of those things is its squeaky-clean family-friendly image. The reason they care about this is because they want everyone, from the super-religious households that homeschool their kids to the hippies who send their kids to schools made of kale with a headmaster who’s a yogi, to take their kids to Disneyland and Disney World and give them money.

Disney also wants the money that the Marvel movies bring in, which is why none of those movies have been moved to streaming during the same time period that Warner moved all of their movies to HBO Max; there’s too much potential profit to cut their losses and make back what they can.

These two desires came crashing into each other when Disney bought Fox and Marvel reacquired the film rights to the X-Men spinoff Deadpool, the most successful R-Rated movie franchise ever.

It turns out that money wins and Kevin Feige told Collider that Marvel was working on an R-Rated Deadpool film.

It will be rated R and we are working on a script right now, and Ryan’s overseeing a script right now… It will not be [filming] this year. Ryan is a very busy, very successful actor. We’ve got a number of things we’ve already announced that we now have to make, but it’s exciting for it to have begun. Again, a very different type of character in the MCU, and Ryan is a force of nature, which is just awesome to see him bring that character to life.

Ryan Reynolds had a great tweet about the news, too.

This is maybe the best news we’ve heard since Disney bought Fox. And not just about the studios, just in general. There hasn’t been a lot of good news in the past year or so.

It’ll be interesting to see what Deadpool does in the Marvel Universe and how the film addresses the change of realities. Deadpool is like She-Hulk and Harley Quinn in being one of those self-aware characters who knows they’re fictional and a lot of humor comes from that. It’s a relief to know that Marvel will be taking care to keep giving us the kind of experience we got with the first two Deadpool films.

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‘Cobra Kai’ Exemplifies all the Strengths and Weaknesses of Streaming TV

The number one show on Netflix for the past few days has been Cobra Kai, a sequel to the 1980s Karate Kid movie series. That is just as insane a fact as it sounds. The Karate Kid movies weren’t even that good; They were fine but they weren’t Back to the Future or The Princess Bride or anything like that. On top of that, the basic concept for the show, that Johnny Lawrence from the Cobra Kai dojo isn’t such a bad guy and Daniel LaRusso isn’t such a good guy, was essentially created from a joke on an episode of How I Met Your Mother that Ralph Macchio and William Zabka guest-starred on.

Somehow this mess of an idea based on an okay movie you probably haven’t watched in 30 years actually works really well, and it probably has binge-watching on streaming to thank for that. I watched all 30 episodes of Cobra Kai in two weekends; I watched the two seasons that had premiered on YouTube about a week before Christmas and I watched season 3 on New Year’s Day when it premiered.

I don’t think I would have tuned in to watch this if I had to wait a week between episodes. I may have, I watch Riverdale and The Big Bang Theory so I’m something of a connoisseur of terrible television, but a big part of the appeal of Cobra Kai was the ability to throw it on while I was playing a Switch game I had picked up during the winter sales we just had.

The show is practically built on tracking the characters’ shifting allegiances, and the driving plot is the will-they-or-won’t-they between Daniel LaRusso and Johnny Lawrence; they don’t have a romantic relationship, but over the first three seasons their friendship is played a lot like Sam and Diane or Ross and Rachel, where they clearly both want to be friends and bury the hatchet but plot contrivances push them apart time and again.

Did I mention the allegiances are to karate dojos? It’s one thing when the teen cast, consisting of Daniel’s daughter Sam, Johnny’s estranged son Robby and Johnny’s first student Miguel and their friends, fight over who goes to the best karate dojo, but it’s a little hard to swallow when adults do, something the show is actually very aware of and has some meta jokes about.

The return of Cobra Kai’s sensei from the first Karate Kid, John Kreese, really amps how insane the plot is. Johnny and Daniel have an almost friendly rivalry in the first season but Kreese is basically a cartoon supervillain pulled from Power Rangers or Captain Planet. You really have to suspend your disbelief when Kreese is around because (spoiler for the season 3 finale if you haven’t watched it) at one point he tries to straight-up murder Johnny and Daniel, and his motivation for doing so is pretty hazy. I think it’s just about winning an annual karate tournament but Kreese acts like he’s still in Vietnam.

Cobra Kai does get into Kreese’s backstory as a POW in Vietnam and shows him, at times, to be a complex human who honestly thinks he’s shaping his students to be ready for life. But I don’t know what level of PTSD you need to be on to think that you need to murder people in the name of your karate dojo.

The ability to pick up the show when you want and binge watch it were pluses that drove a lot of people to check out Cobra Kai, but there is one huge drawback to streaming that I think is also going to hurt Cobra Kai; it could be over a year before any new episodes show up. Season 3 was completed and unaired when Netflix bought the show after YouTube Red cancelled it, but season 4 hasn’t even started production yet. I don’t know if people are going to be counting the days for an entire year to see more of this show. It’s not exactly Game of Thrones, even if it treats karate lessons with the same gravitas as fighting dragons.

Ultimately, Cobra Kai is a show about Johnny Lawrence and William Zabka really makes Johnny a likable guy. It’s funny how the one-dimension 80s high school bully can become the emotional core of a show like this, but it actually kind of works.

The post ‘Cobra Kai’ Exemplifies all the Strengths and Weaknesses of Streaming TV appeared first on The Blemish.

Lucasfilm Exec Makes Fun of YouTuber for Liking ‘Star Wars’

One of the things that fans hated about Star Wars: The Last Jedi was that it appeared to be filled with contempt for Star Wars fans. The underlying theme of the film was that everything you loved about those movies as a kid was bullshit and the lesson you should have learned is to always listen to old white ladies.

It’s becoming more and more obvious that some of the people responsible for making Star Wars do think you’re an idiot for liking Star Wars.

You see, Star Wars did something this year that I thought was impossible after a trilogy of movies whose best idea was “f**k it, a third Death Star, I guess,” and made people actually like Star Wars. Jon Favreau and Dave Filoni took The Mandalorian and used it to redeem Star Wars, even filling Werner Herzog with childlike glee at the magic they had captured on film.

One of the most popular Star Wars YouTubers, Toos, put a video on his channel Star Wars Theory of his reaction to the second-season finale of The Mandalorian in which he was moved to tears by the appearance of Jedi Knight Luke Skywalker, who heard Grogu’s call through the force and came to train him in The Force. It was a big moment and I was amazed that the show had managed to take both Boba Fett and Luke Skywalker and make them even cooler than they were when I was eight and watching Star Wars on VHS for the first time. And it was actually pretty emotionally moving to see Grogu and Din Djarin part ways, even though I suspect that Grogu will be back and more active in assisting The Mandalorian in the future, much the same way Daigoro became a partner to his father in the later parts of Lone Wolf and Cub.

If you’re a LucasFilm executive and someone has a genuine emotional response to one of your films, probably for the first time since 1983, what would your reaction be? Would it be to get on Twitter and make fun of him? Because that was Pablo Hidalgo’s reaction, as reported by Variety.

That’s when he learned what Hidalgo tweeted: “emotions are not for sharing.” Toos was outraged, interpreting Hidalgo’s remarks as indeed piling on the mockery of his genuine emotions. By that point, Hidalgo had deleted the tweet, but, rather inexplicably, he also put a screenshot of it as the banner over his account; Toos took it as more trolling. “You’re telling people it’s not ok to have emotions about the work your company produces, and you make fun of them for crying?” he tweeted. “Not ok.”

Hidalgo apologized and claimed he was just poking fun at his own stoicism.

It’s not great, though, because it really doesn’t take much for Star Wars fans to get the impression the people in charge of Star Wars now really don’t like them, and some of them have basically come right out and said it. This isn’t really going to help things, regardless of what Hidalgo meant.

The post Lucasfilm Exec Makes Fun of YouTuber for Liking ‘Star Wars’ appeared first on The Blemish.

Gal Gadot Accused of White Washing for Playing a White Woman

There is some historical argument over what race the ancient Egyptians were; they may have been Black or they may have been Caucasians of similar complexion to today’s Egyptian population. We’re not really sure because it’s feasible either or both groups lived in the area at the time and you can’t actually tell someone’s skin color from their skeleton.

One thing we do know, however, is Cleopatra was neither, she and her family line were Southern European. She was like, white white, and also probably not as hot as you’ve been lead to believe.

The point is that people accusing Gal Gadot of whitewashing don’t actually know what they’re mad about, they just want to be mad.

Cleopatra was probably whiter than Gal Gadot, who is Israeli, and the last time I checked Israel was in the Middle East and in fact shares a border with Egypt.

Lexi Alexander, the dumbest person in Hollywood, appears to have deleted a tweet saying Cleopatra should be played by a black actress and claiming Cleopatra was black. Hanna Flint of The Guardian claimed casting Gadot as Cleopatra was an example of “Hollywood’s colonization of ethnicity,” a take that misses the fact that Cleopatra and the entire Ptolemy dynasty were literally colonizers. The founder of Cleopatra’s dynasty, Ptolemy I, was a Macedonian and a bodyguard and close friend of Alexander the Great.

Gal Godot addressed the controversy, telling the BBC “First of all if you want to be true to the facts then Cleopatra was Macedonian. We were looking for a Macedonian actress that could fit Cleopatra. She wasn’t there, and I was very passionate about Cleopatra.”

Now don’t get me wrong, I think it’s a good thing that we’re seeing more diverse faces on television and in movies. Hollywood has long considered casting anyone who wasn’t white or Will Smith in a leading role in a major film to be “risky” so it’s good that things are changing. But when people do things like this, claiming a white woman playing a white woman is whitewashing, that’s when people start to tune out your movement as a whole, even when you’re making good points.

The post Gal Gadot Accused of White Washing for Playing a White Woman appeared first on The Blemish.

Marvel’s Future is ‘100%’ in Streaming on Disney+ Says Kevin Feige

I don’t know if you caught the incredible season 2 finale of The Mandalorian that dropped on Friday, but it’s pretty safe to say that Din Djarin and Grogu have single-handedly saved Star Wars after two uninspired stories that rehashed old movies and three absolute cinematic abortions that fans of the franchise were forced to sit through. Disney had planned to give Star Wars a little rest so people could wash the bad taste of The Last Jedi and The Rise of Skywalker out of their mouths but Jon Favreau’s little episodic Western reminded us how good Star Wars could be and now Disney has almost a dozen Star Wars streaming projects in production.

Jon Favreau just happens to also have been the first director of a Marvel Cinematic Universe movie, the one that took Iron Man from relative obscurity to being a character almost on the same level as Spider-Man or the X-Men and reformed Robert Downey, Jr.’s image from washed-up drug addict no one would hire to one of Hollywood’s biggest leading men. Favreau worked with Kevin Feige in the earliest days of the MCU and now Feige seems to think Favreau has found the key to the future of entertainment.

WandaVision is coming to Disney+, the first Marvel TV series produced by Marvel Studios after Marvel Television was closed and absorbed because the Marvel Television guys were all entirely clueless. But Feige tells Emmy Magazine he thinks streaming is the future of Marvel and entertainment as a whole.

“Streaming is 100 percent the future and where consumers want to watch things,” he says. “And hopefully they’ll want to watch our longform narrative series. An experience like WandaVision is something you can’t get in a movie. You go to movies for things you can’t get on streaming, and you go to streaming for things you can’t get in a theater. And of course, everything in a theater goes to streaming eventually.”

It is true that is theaters and theatrical revenues were to die off, the big-budget spectacles that come to theaters would have to be reduced, but the big-budget set pieces were never what made Marvel films in particular so popular; if anything, the grey, crowded fight scenes in Avengers: Endgame were one of the weakest parts of the franchise.

WandaVision looks insane, and the big rumor is that it forms a sort of mini-trilogy with Spider-Man 3 and Doctor Strange in the Multiverse of Madness, which is why Spider-Man seems to have so many characters and actors returning from the Tobey Maguire and Andrew Garfield films. This addresses one of the biggest criticisms of Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D., Marvel’s first foray into a TV tie-in to the MCU: it felt disconnected from the movies. The Disney+ releases seem like they will weave in and out of the movies, picking up plot lines and creating new ones for future theatrical releases (if there are still theaters after COVID).

The hazard here, of course, is going to big, too much, too connected. Netflix’s corner of the MCU featuring The Defenders started out incredibly strong with Daredevil, but got a little weaker with each installment, and the failure of Iron Fist to resonate with audiences really seemed to bring the whole enterprise tumbling down like a house of cards; the fact that it was isolated from the rest of the MCU means it didn’t drag anything else down with it. Now that Marvel is connecting everything so intimately, I wonder what another flop would do to the brand as a whole.

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Pornhub Just Absolutely Slaughtered Itself, Removed Most Content

People around the world were in for a very unpleasant surprise when they went for their morning wank today: Pornhub had been absolutely decimated. Decimated isn’t even the word, that means one in ten people were killed; Pornhub was nonagintamated because it looks like only about one in ten videos are left on the platform.

Essentially, Visa and MasterCard were pressured into refusing payment processing for Pornhub and the company responded by taking down all videos uploaded by non-verified users. And some content by verified users. In the comments to the post announcing the policy change, adult performer Mia Marley said “It seems that things like BDSM are now considered as non-consensual since I asked why my BDSM content and tickle videos were removed. One video was where I woke up to a facial was removed, the answer I got from support was that I probably didn’t look fully awake. I have to be honest, it made me a little angry but also made me laugh a little.”

Here’s what Pornhub said about why they were essentially forced to kill their own platform.

It is clear that Pornhub is being targeted not because of our policies and how we compare to our peers, but because we are an adult content platform. The two groups that have spearheaded the campaign against our company are the National Center on Sexual Exploitation (formerly known as Morality in Media) and Exodus Cry/TraffickingHub. These are organizations dedicated to abolishing pornography, banning material they claim is obscene, and shutting down commercial sex work. These are the same forces that have spent 50 years demonizing Playboy, the National Endowment for the Arts, sex education, LGBTQ rights, women’s rights, and even the American Library Association. Today, it happens to be Pornhub.

First of all, I get you have the reputation as the woke porn site to defend, but let’s not pretend that hostility to porn and sex work isn’t the main place where holier-than-though right-wing moralizers and feminist busybodies agree and work together.

But I remember the days when people would fight this sort of thing, not only for their rights but for the rights of everyone. Larry Flynt is a hero for the work he did fighting against the unjust government censorship of his publication; now that we’ve given the power of censorship over to gigantic mega-corporations that would make a cyberpunk writer blush everyone just seems to accept it, if not demand more of it.

It was a nice run for Pornhub, and I’m sure a new site will eventually make its way to the top of the pack of sites that will doubtlessly be looking to replace it, but this is the beginning of a real dark age for masturbation fans everywhere.

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Sia Says Shia LaBeouf Tricked Her Into Dating Him

Shia LaBeouf has been accused of some pretty serious stuff by his ex FKA twigs, who’s suing him for sexual battery, assault and infliction of emotional distress and says “Shia LaBeouf hurts women. He uses them. He abuses them, both physically and mentally. He is dangerous.”

Her lawsuit basically describes LaBeouf as unhinged and violent, describing multiple instances of physical abuse and claiming the actor drove around killing stray dogs to get into character for a film role. She also claimed he knowingly gave her an STD.

Sia also had some allegations and would very much like for people to pay attention to her, please, tweeting “I too have been hurt emotionally by Shia, a pathological liar, who conned me into an adulterous relationship claiming to be single. I believe he’s very sick and have compassion for him AND his victims. Just know, if you love yourself- stay safe, stay away,” in response to FKA twigs’ accusations.

These are not the same. Unless Sia is withholding a lot of Shia’s behavior, being lied to about someone having a girlfriend is not at all the same thing as being physically, emotionally and sexually abused. It just isn’t.

What FKA twigs described was horrifying, what Sia described was someone who lied to get laid. It’s not only not in the same ballpark, it’s not the same sport.

Clearly, Shia LaBeouf is a troubled person. His film Honey Boy gets at some of the reasons why he so troubled, but ultimately it’s on him to get his s**t together and not spread misery into the world and onto other people.

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Johnny Depp is Appealing His Lawsuit, But Hollywood May Have Just Needed an Excuse to Drop Him Anyway

I’ve made it pretty clear as I’ve covered Johnny Depp’s troubled marriage with Amber Heard, the abuse allegations and the lawsuits that have come from that situation that I personally don’t think Johnny Depp was abusive to Amber Heard. I was a bit shocked that Depp lost his lawsuit against the Rupert Murdoch-owned The Sun tabloid for calling him a “wife-beater” and I wasn’t surprised to hear he was appealing that ruling.

What did surprise me was the story in The Hollywood Reporter that seemed to say Hollywood studios had been looking for an excuse to cut Depp loose anyway and his lawsuit loss just gave it to them.

“He has suffered immense reputational carnage from a reckless set of choices that has left him in septic muck,” says Eric Schiffer, a crisis PR rep whose clients include a number of high-profile Hollywood and sports figures. “Can he come out of that? It really comes down to Johnny’s choices. He still has a fan base that in many ways is like Donald Trump’s with their emotional intensity and commitment to a star icon. It’s not based around principles. It’s about charisma and their identification of the range of characters that he’s played.”

Basically, the THR story says is that Johnny Depp has a lot of troubles that are his fault and even if you don’t believe Heard’s allegations against him movie studios had plenty of reasons not to want to work with him, such as his drug use leading to wildly erratic behavior.

But Depp’s desire for revenge, egged on by his lawyer, is ultimately was has lead studios to turn away from the actor.

To many observers, Depp’s negative press was largely avoidable and stemmed from his aggressive legal tactics. The chief architect behind Depp’s sue-’em-all strategy is Adam Waldman, a handsome Washington lawyer with his own sheen of controversy given a clientele that has included Russian oligarchs and Julian Assange. Waldman, who is married to Berlin-based jet-setter and luxury skin-care entrepreneur Barbara Sturm, conducts himself in an unorthodox manner, mocking his legal opponents on Twitter. Sources say Depp met Waldman through Saudi Arabian Prince Abdulaziz bin Salman, the country’s powerful minister of energy, in summer 2016. (Depp spent time aboard the prince’s megayacht in the past.) Waldman quickly became a Svengali figure in Depp’s life, with the actor axing most of his inner circle.

“Never mind Svengali. He’s Depp’s Rasputin,” says one insider. Waldman declined to talk for this piece.

Not that Depp needed much encouragement to want revenge, it did come out in his civil case against The Sun that Depp told his agent that Amber Heard was “begging for total global humiliation. She’s gonna get it. I’m gonna need your texts about San Francisco brother … I’m even sorry to ask … But she sucked [Elon Musk’s] crooked dick and he gave her some shitty lawyers … I have no mercy, no fear and not an ounce of emotion or what I once thought was love for this gold digging, low level, dime a dozen, mushy, pointless dangling overused flappy fish market … I’m so fucking happy she wants to fight this out!!! She will hit the wall hard!!! And I cannot wait to have this waste of a cum guzzler out of my life!!! I met fucking sublime little Russian here … Which makes me realize the time I blew on that 50 cent stripper … I wouldn’t touch her with a goddam glove.”

So yeah, he was a little mad.

Basically, if Depp wanted to save his career all he really had to do was let Heard make her accusations, deny them and not respond. Keeping a level head and getting off drugs wouldn’t have hurt either. Basically, regardless of the truth of Amber Heard’s allegations, studios were still willing to work with Depp but he kept digging the hike he was in deeper and deeper until they had to cut him loose.

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Lifetime and KFC Are Teaming Up for a Sexy Colonel Sanders TV Movie

Some of the things people on the internet are the most obsessed with, aside from cats, are Lifetime and Hallmark Christmas movies, KFC and Saved by the Bell. So of course, KFC and Lifetime have made a sexy Colonel Sanders movie starring Mario Lopez.

The film is called A Recipe for Seduction and it airs next Sunday, December 13th. Here’s Lifetime’s description of the film.

As the holidays draw near, a young heiress contends with the affections of a suitor handpicked by her mother. When the handsome chef, Harland Sanders, arrives with his secret fried chicken recipe and a dream, he sets in motion a series of events that unravels the mother’s devious plans. Will our plucky heiress escape to her wintry happily ever after with Harland at her side, or will she cave to the demands of family and duty?

There’s also a trailer.

Okay, it’s basically just a 15-minute ad for KFC, but you still want to watch it, don’t you? You watched those Subway episodes of Community and liked them, they were basically just 21-minute ads with jokes about butt stuff.

This isn’t KFC’s first foray into unusual romance-themed marketing gimmicks; they previously released a romance novella featuring Colonel Sanders and a Colonel Sanders Dating Sim.  Someone st that company has totally dry-humped one of those statues they have outside the KFCs in Japan.

Lifetime is also no stranger to making parodies of the 100-odd movies they make earnestly every year. 2015’s A Deadly Adoption starred Will Ferrell and Kristen Wiig and illustrated how all it takes to turn a Lifetime movie played completely straight into 90 minutes of absolute hilarity is to give the audience permission to realize how silly they are. I imagine A Recipe for Seduction will be handled similarly, only at the end you’re really going to want a famous bowl.

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YouTuber Gabi DeMartino Posted a Cute Video From Her Childhood and Now Everyone Hates Her

In the 1980s, Lawrence Pazder and his wife Michelle Smith wrote a book called Michelle Remembers, a biography of the recovered memories Smith had of being tortured and sexually abused as a child by Satanist in rituals to summon Satan. It eventually led to all sorts of prosecutions of Satanist who were abusing children and Geraldo Rivera telling people there were over a million Satanist in the United States just waiting to prey on your children.

None of this was true. Satanic ritual abuse was never a thing. One daycare operator went through seven years of court cases and involved allegations of being abused by flying witches and Chuck Norris in a series of tunnels under the daycare that did not exist.

It was a moral panic, and today is generally referred to as the satanic panic, and it’s a good lesson that the fact that child sexual abuse happens and is horrible doesn’t mean it’s happening everywhere and it can still be the focus of a moral panic.

We’re almost certainly in the midst of a moral panic about pedophilia and I don’t mean the people who thought office pizza orders were code for sexual abuse. When people compare two adults in a consensual relationship to child sex abuse, that’s a clear sign we’re in a moral panic.

Likewise, when someone makes a joke and posts a cute video of themself as a child and people compare it to pedophilia, we’re in a moral panic.

YouTuber Gabi DeMartino posted a $3 video on her OnlyFans with the title “Won’t put my panties on.” It was a video of her as a little kid, fully dressed and laughing about panties.

This became a huge scandal because OnlyFans has a reputation for having a lot of porn on it, but OnlyFans isn’t actually a pornographic website. Lots of people on OnlyFans use it for things other than porn, and there are rumors and rumblings from time to time that the site would like to be rid of sex workers entirely. They certainly market themselves to the public with no mention of the fact that the primary use of their platform is selling naked pictures and movies.

So many people were so angry that Gabi had to issue an apology on Twitter, saying “a childhood video of me on the phone sayin ‘Nani says put your panties back on’ and jumping up and down laughing. I’m sorry I didn’t think that one through. period. a home-video i love to share w my friends & i use my OF as a ‘finsta’ page where i share stuff as i would w friends.”

But seriously, saying “you better not be trolling with kid pics and thinking that’s OKAY” doesn’t seem like an overreaction to you? First of all, of course it’s okay. It’s basically just a rickroll but with a video from when she was a kid.

She was apparently banned from OnlyFans for a terms of service violation, but OnlyFans has had a lot of bad press over this sort of bait and switch video in the past.

Gabi got the above tweet, which reads “That video of you as a young child might have been completely innocent, but when you charge money for it on a sex work app and use a sexually suggestive caption to sell it, it’s not just wrong, it’s illegal.” That’s hilarious to me for so many reasons, the first of which it is self-evidently not illegal to make jokes that involve children and sex. It might get you temporarily fired from Guardians of the Galaxy 3 but it is well within the realm of protected speech.

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Ellen Page is Elliot Now as Acclaimed Actor Comes Out as Trans

Caitlyn Jenner is no longer the highest-profile trans celebrity; she’ll have to settle for the highest-profile trans celebrity who rear-ended an old lady into traffic. Elliot Page announced on his Instagram that he’s trans and no longer wishes to be known as Ellen. I say good for him, the name Ellen hasn’t exactly been getting a lot of good press lately anyway.

Page’s Instagram post is pretty moving, as he addresses the reality of being trans by saying “I also ask for patience. My joy is real, but it is also fragile. The truth is, despite feeling profoundly happy right now and knowing how much privilege I carry, I am also scared. I’m scared of invasiveness, the hate, the ‘jokes’ and of violence.”

He’s very right, trans actress Laverne Cox and a friend were recently attacked in Griffith Park in a transphobic incident. Elliot has overcome a lot in his career already: sexism, homophobia, transphobia, that forehead…

People were wondering what would happen to Page’s character Vanya Hargreeves on The Umbrella Academy, considering Vanya is a cis woman. Worry not, Variety reports that Page will continue to play the character who will remain a cis woman. If you’re worried about what a trans man’s performance as a cis woman will be like, I recommend watching the last two seasons of The Umbrella Academy, because I imagine it will be very similar to that.

Elliot Page has a rocky road ahead of him, but I’m sure he’s equipped to handle it and I’m glad that he’s living his truth now.

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How Are People Like Halsey and The Weeknd Still So Pressed About The Grammys

In 1981, Bruce Springsteen and Billy Joel were both nominated for a Grammy award for Best Male Vocal Performance. The fact that Billy Joel won should have told everyone forever that the Grammys were a joke but still, people think there must be some conspiracy as to why the Grammys get everything so wrong.

The Weeknd called the Grammys “corrupt” in response to his snub.

Halsey made a post claiming the Grammys were given out based on bribes and nepotism and giving networks exclusive performances which sounds a lot like The Golden Globes.

And Blind Gossip suggests BTS thinks racism is behind their snub, what with them being the biggest band in the world and not getting a single nomination in a major category.

But the truth has been in front of us all along and that truth is that the people who vote for the Grammys are old people who cannot grasp the cultural relevance of music until years after the fact.

Let’s look at the Grammy history of Nirvana, the greatest, most influential rock band of all time. Surely Nirvana won Album of the Year for Nevermind, widely considered to be the greatest rock album of all time, right? Nope. In 1992, the year Nevermind was eligible for a Grammy, Album of the Year went to Natalie Cole’s Unforgettable… With Love, the album of Nat King Cole covers your spinster aunt wanted for Christmas that year.

Okay, but it had to have won Best Alternative Music Album, right? Alternative rock as a genre was basically defined as “stuff that sounds like Nirvana,” so they had to win that, right? Nope, they were nominated but lost to R.E.M.’s Out of Time, which is a good album but not better than Nevermind.

Nirvana didn’t win a Grammy until 1996, 22 months after Kurt Cobain’s “suicide,” when they got Best Alternative Music Performance for Unplugged in New York, which wasn’t even nominated for Album of the Year, which went to Alanis Morrisette’s Jagged Little Pill. Anyone who was a teenager in 1996 that can remember what they thought about those two albums and what their mom thought about them at the time will know exactly why the Grammys go the way they go.

But let’s look at one more band that created an entire genre of music, Led Zeppelin. Led Zeppelin was nominated for six Grammy Awards while they were active: Best New Artist in 1970 and then five nominations for Best Recording Package. They won none of these awards. One of the most influential bands in history never had a single song or album nominated for a Grammy.

But Led Zeppelin has won a Grammy. They got several Grammy Hall of Fame awards, but they won an honest-to-God Grammy for Best Rock Performance in 2014, only 34 years after they had permanently disbanded following John Bohnam’s death. The Grammy was for Celebration Day, a recording of a reunion concert the remaining band members had performed seven years earlier in memory of Ahmet Ertegun.

See, when Led Zeppelin was the biggest band on the planet, the old people who vote for the Grammys gave the awards to Carole King and Stevie Wonder and Paul Simon. Only once the old people who vote for Grammys were replaced by old people who grew up listening to Led Zeppelin did they actually win.

See, there’s no conspiracy, there’s no corruption… it’s just that awards show voters are the most out of touch people in the world, and that’s especially true when it comes to music.

Whatever album does win Album of the Year this year, I’ll bet your mom loves it.

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What The Hell Is That Crazy Lindsay Lohan Commercial?

Okay, I have seen the most insane thing and I am not surprised Lindsay Lohan is involved. If you’ve been on TikTok, you’re wasting your life. But you also might has seen a commercial featuring Lindsay Lohan talking about farts.

Yeah, that is a thing that happened.

The mind-boggling thing here is that the Church of Famera doesn’t seem to exist at first glance. There’s no website address in the ad and a Google search turns up nothing. The website is famera.co and famera appears to be a video chat app.

There’s also a Twitter account.

The commercial is just Lindsay Lohan saying she’s a dirty little stinker and that the fragrance of salvation is in the air. “May the eye wink upon you” is absolutely about a butthole. I guess the logo kind of looks like a butthole, but not as much as the flag on Community.

The leading explanation for how this came to be is that someone paid Lohan to say this on Cameo, which is why she can’t keep a straight face reading it. I can very readily believe that having seen it. There’s really no other reasonable explanation for it.

I can tell you I definitely will not be downloading that app, it probably enlists you in the Ocean Organization for a billion years or something.

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That ‘GLOW’ Movie Marc Maron Wants Probably Isn’t Happening

Jenni Kohan has been the creative force behind some great TV shows; unfortunately, all of those TV shows started a slow, Game of Thronesian decline around the third season. Both Weeds and Orange Is the New Black started strong and then lost their central premise around the third season and started branching further and further out from what made people want to watch them in the first place until they dropped from critical and commercial darlings into shows you heard were coming back but never actually got around to watching.

Kohan wasn’t the creator of Netflix’s GLOW, very loosely based on the very real Gorgeous Ladies of Wrestling promotion from the 1980s, but she was an EP and the third season of the show started to suffer the same fate as the rest of Kohan’s shows. The first two seasons were dominated by the ins and outs of the in-universe GLOW wrestling promotion, culminating in a show-within-a-show episode of the fictional GLOW late in the series’ second season. It was glorious, with just the right balance of comedy, melodrama and pro wrestling to keep people hooked and talking about it.

Then the third season happened. Following the cancellation of the GLOW tv show, the girls moved to Las Vegas to put on the wrestling show in residency at a hotel and casino. The pro wrestling aspects of the show all but vanished, along with most of the humor, leaving the show a husk of what it had been. The third season had Kohen’s trademark fingerprints all over it as most of the changes involved pulling focus away from the central characters of the earlier seasons and pulling out for more stories about the supporting ensemble, none of which were particularly strong stories. Netflix canceled the series because the COVID pandemic almost felt like a mercy killing.

Marc Maron started campaigning for Netflix to bring the show back with a two-hour movie finale to tie up all the loose ends, but Deadline reports star Allison Brie doesn’t think fans should get too excited by the prospect.

“I’m a little pessimistic about it actually happening just in light of everything that’s gone on this year and how difficult it is to get anything back into production with COVID,” she said.

Brie also added that for years, fans have also requested a Community movie, but noted that such a film has yet to come to fruition.

“So what I’m saying is don’t hold your breath because if it does happen, it might take a minute,” she said.

“Six seasons and a movie” pretty quickly became “six seasons, only four of which you’ll watch on Netflix when you’re stuck at home during the pandemic” for Community.

Luckily for GLOW fans, the series already has a pretty great finale. Just stop watching at the end of the second season when the ladies are on the bus for the trip to Las Vegas. It works as a series finale and you don’t have to sit through the third season.

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Charli D’Amelio Hemorrhages Subscribers Who Are Shocked a 16-Year-Old With a Personal Chef is Spoiled

If I live to be a thousand years old I’ll never understand why people expect rich influencers and reality TV stars to be decent people. I thought the whole reason we watched Keeping Up With The Kardashians was that we knew they were all horrible, spoiled cunts. When did we start expecting like, Paris Hilton to be socially aware? She’s famous for asking if Walmart sells walls.

Yeah, that really happened. I believe they said later it was staged and she was exaggerating but no one ever should have expected her to have anything worthwhile to say.

Charli D’Amelio has almost 100 million followers on TikTok for some reason. I really don’t know, I looked and she kind of dances for a few seconds to parts of songs. The dances aren’t impressive or funny and I just really don’t know why people like her.

I’m not saying this to rip on a 16-year-old, I just honestly don’t get the appeal.

I guess, for a lot of her viewers, the appeal was her sister didn’t throw up while trying to eat escargot and she didn’t say she wanted to have a hundred million followers, because the internet lost its collective s**t when that happened and a million people unfollowed her.

James Charles, who was in the video where this happened that has caused all this backlash, made a comment supportive of Charli on Twitter.

It is weird that we expect someone who is famous for almost dancing on TikTok to be anything, honestly. Are you really going “I can’t inexplicably enjoy these videos of a 16-year-old dancing because she sounded kind of spoiled at dinner” after seeing that video?

@charlidamelio

dc @addisonre

♬ original sound – #1 Dancer

Please explain to me why this has over 40 million views. Please. And please explain to me how her sister not liking escargot ruined it for you.

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Logan Paul Does Something Good For Once And Stands Up For Harry Styles in Dress Debate

Harry Styles wore a dress. I have no idea why this is something people are talking about, but it is. Conservative commentator Ben Shapiro, host of The Ben Shapiro Show and representative of the Lollipop Guild, called the Vogue cover featuring Styles in a dress “a referendum on masculinity.” Sometimes it’s actually okay not to have an opinion on things, especially if you’re three feet tall, you sound like you’ve just inhaled the entire US strategic reserve of helium and you want to tell us about being manly.

Good guy Logan Paul came to Styles’ defense though, saying… wait, hold up. Logan Paul? The suicide forest guy? The dude who just yesterday called Floyd Mayweather a pussy? That Logan Paul is doing the right thing here? I’m just as shocked as you are.

Good guy Logan Paul came to Styles’ defense though, saying “Is manly being comfortable in your own skin and being comfortable with who you are, regardless of what you’re wearing?”

People are complex and we all contain multitudes. Except for Ben Shapiro, he doesn’t have the physical space to contain multi-anything.

“I’m listening to you tell me you don’t want to judge people…and then watching you judge people!” he said. “I’m not getting angry, but I’m calling you out for your flaw.” He also told his co-hosts that their “lack of logic” would lose them this argument. “[You’re saying], ‘People shouldn’t judge people,’ but then, ‘He’s not a man because he’s wearing a dress,’” Logan pointed out.

I believe that when someone is right, they’re right, and they should get props for that. Logan Paul is right, not being traditionally masculine doesn’t make you less of a man. When people talk about toxic masculinity, if they know what they’re saying, they’re making the same point Paul is making; that there are all kinds of ways to be a man and that forcing men to act within a certain defined role is detrimental to all men. There’s nothing wrong with being traditionally masculine and there’s nothing wrong with not being traditionally masculine.

Logan Paul has a pretty large audience of pretty impressionable young people and I’m glad that, for once, he’s using that platform to advance an idea that will actually make the world a better place.

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The Scientist Who Called Elon Musk ‘Space Karen’ Deserves a Medal

Is there a Nobel Prize for the sickest burn? Because if there is, Dr. Emma Bell needs to get one for calling Elon Musk “Space Karen,” something Musk should be forced to have printed on his stationery.

The thing I love about this story is it shows, once again, how dumb Elon Musk actually is. “Oh, he must be smart, he has two degrees from Penn, that’s an Ivy League school.” Donald Trump has a business degree from Penn and he bankrupted a casino, all going to an Ivy League school means is you had rich parents, which is basically the number one factor in being considered a genius by the public at large in 2020.

Here’s what happened. Elon Musk has COVID because karma is real, and he took four rapid antigen tests, two of which came back positive and two of which came back negative. The reason for this, in layman’s terms, is that rapid tests trade accuracy for speed, but the loss of accuracy is only in one direction; you can get a false negative but you shouldn’t ever get a false positive. This is a known behavior of this kind of test and the tests that take longer are less prone to inaccurate results.

Elon Musk mused that something must be wrong and wondered if “running too many cycles” could be causing false positives, which, no, it couldn’t, as Dr. Bell explained at length on Medium.

Musk went on to say that “coronavirus is a type of cold” which is backward as many common colds are caused by coronaviruses, but so are other, deadlier diseases like COVID-19.

But hey, who doesn’t want to put the guy who insisted he be allowed to force his employees to work during a deadly pandemic in charge of the Martian slave colony.

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What Is The Deal With These Insanely Expensive Pokémon Cards People Keep Buying

Pokémon is the largest media franchise in the history of the world. That doesn’t sound right, does it? It’s true, though; Pokémon is bigger than Marvel or DC or Harry Potter.

What’s most amusing to me is that if you look back to American television from when the franchise debuted, you’ll see that shows like Everybody Loves Raymond and South Park did episodes about how it’s just a dumb fad that will pass in a few weeks, something that clearly hasn’t come to pass yet.

Everybody Love’s Raymond’s Pokémon spoof episode, Hackidu, was especially interesting because everyone in the adult cast was aghast that one of the cards from the Hackidu card game was worth $100. Logan Paul recently bought a box of Pokémon cards from that era and pulled a card out of a pack that’s worth upwards of $85,000.

And just a few weeks ago, Logan Paul’s Pokémon investment advisor bought a box of cards for nearly half a million dollars that turned out to be fake. Another first edition Pokémon TCG box is going up on Heritage Auctions next week and pre-bidding is already at $300,000. So why is everyone suddenly so interested in Pokémon, and specifically Pokémon cards?

The main reason is just nostalgia. Pokémon debuted in 1996, people in their 30s grew up playing Pokémon games and watching the Pokémon anime on Saturday mornings. Remember that Japanese cartoon in the late 90s that gave those kids seizures that they made the joke about on the episode of The Simpsons where they went to Japan? That was Pokémon. That show has been around forever.

Most people as they get older and become adults want to relive some of the things they did as children. For people in their 20s and 30s now that’s Pokémon.

But why are these cards so expensive? There were tons of Pokémon cards printed, and these boxes are going to for more than first edition boxes of Magic: The Gathering, another popular trading card game.

Well, the answer to that is the word “shadowless”. Pokémon cards all have artwork on them, and at art is framed by a shadow that creates a somewhat 3D effect. When Wizards of the Coast printed the very first Pokémon cards, they left this shadow out, giving the cards a flatter, more minimalist design. The Pokémon Company, owners of the property and publishers of the Japanese card game Wizards of the Coast was adapting, weren’t happy with this change, so the shadow was added starting with the second print run of these cards.

What that means, in layman’s terms, is that there are a very small number of these shadowless cards and they are distinct from every other Pokémon card. On top of that, they’re the very first Pokémon cards ever printed, making them very appealing to collectors.

While it seems like these rare and valuable Pokémon cards are constantly popping up in the news, there just aren’t all that many of them in the world, especially the sealed first edition boxes. The Pokémon brand isn’t going anywhere, the card game is still a strong seller even today and there’s a renewed interest in the anime now that it’s on Netflix. But the YouTube videos with the boxes of cards worth hundreds of thousands of dollars are probably just a passing fad for people in quarantine. And it’s not like anyone’s ever been burned by calling Pokémon a fad before, right?

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Mike Tyson Used the Old ‘Fake Dong Full of Baby Pee’ Scam to Pass Drug Tests

We should really stop screening athletes to see if they’re smoking pot. I mean, ideally, we should legalize pot and decriminalize other recreational drugs because drug addiction is a health problem, not a crime and the war on drugs has been a huge waste of money that has only served to highlight the racism present in the criminal justice system. But it’s a really big problem with athletes in particular.

Take, for example, Mike Tyson. Mike Tyson loves to smoke weed. He’s like Tommy Chong if Tommy Chong could kick your ass, which he could not. As a boxer, Tyson had to take regular drug tests which he would fail if there was weed in his system, so he did what anyone in his situation would do and filled a fake dick with baby piss to pass drug tests.

Via Fox News:

“It was awesome, man,” Tyson said, according to MMAmania.com. “I put my baby’s urine in it. And sometimes, one time I was using my wife’s and my wife was like ‘Baby you better not hope that it comes back pregnant or something.’ And I said, ‘Nah, so we ain’t gonna use you any more, we’re gonna use the kid.’”

Now, Mike Tyson says he never took steroids and I have no reason not to believe him. He wouldn’t need to fake a drug test at all if there weren’t rules against athletes using recreational drugs that serve no purpose.

Lance Armstrong eventually got caught doping because he had such a wide-ranging conspiracy to enable him to use performance-enhancing drugs that it couldn’t be maintained and simple solutions like Tyson used wouldn’t work today. Why are we wasting resources busting people for smoking pot, something that provides no edge in competition and doesn’t pose a danger to competing athletes?

Sure, the dick full of baby urine is a funny story, but how many resources have we wasted on pot that go to solving actual problems?

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In Stunning Upset, Kanye West Will NOT be the Next President of the United States

As I’m writing this late Wednesday night, we don’t yet know who won the Presidential election as several key states have not finished counting their votes. This wouldn’t be an issue if we didn’t have an antiquated and frankly insane system for electing the President and instead just elected our leader by popular vote. But I digress.

While we don’t know who has won, we do know who hasn’t won, and that’s Kanye West. Kanye is 43 years old and announced that he cast his first vote ever in his life for himself because he has clearly never been able to see past his own nose.

Some people were very mad that Kanye West got 60,000 votes, but those people are idiots because what, do you think Joe Biden would have won Tennessee if not for Kanye West?

Of course, Kanye also promised to keep the grift alive for another four years.

He’s going to have Kanye 2024 merch any day now. 2024Vision.

I actually respect the people who voted Kanye. There’s a million tweets about how they’re dumb or having a laugh but I think a lot of them are saying “You know what, if the two major parties are going to nominate the two worst candidates in our country’s history, I’m just going to vote for a literal clown. F**k you, you want me to vote for a clown, I’ll show you me voting for a fucking clown.”

I actually think it’s good that Kanye is going to be running for president in every election from now on; it gives a baseline for how angry people are at the Democrats and Republicans both doing nothing to help anyone. “How disgusted am I that the Democrats nominated another milquetoast corporate toady and the Republicans managed to yet again find someone even dumber than their last guy? I’m voting for Kanye West, that’s how disgusted I am.” Jesus wept.

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Ray Fisher Says Joss Whedon Digitally Lightened Black Actors’ Skin in ‘Justice League’

The best thing Joss Whedon has done since the first Avengers movie has been making the cultural critics that spend their days attacking Chris Pratt bend themselves into pretzels defending Whedon’s shitty behavior because they grew up watching Buffy the Vampire Slayer.

Ray Fisher has really lead the charge on the “Joss Whedon is an asshole” movement and he’s now accusing Whedon of not only reducing the screen time of black actors in Justice League or outright cutting them out of the film, but also of digitally lightening the skin of black actors in post-production.

Here’s the quote, via IGN:

“What set my soul on fire and forced me to speak out about Joss Whedon this summer was my becoming informed that Joss had ordered that the complexion of an actor of color be changed in post-production because he didn’t like the color of their skin tone,” Fisher told Forbes. “Man, with everything 2020’s been, that was the tipping point for me.”

Forbes appears to have removed this quote from the piece, which they updated with a rebuttal from Whedon’s people who claim that skin tones were changed because Whedon shot his scenes digitally and not on film, though they do still point out all the actors of color who had their roles reduced once Whedon took over.

The role of Ryan Choi, played by Zheng Kai, was cut. Joe Morton, who played Cyborg’s father Silas, had his role mostly cut and reshot. While Zack Snyder included a diverse cast of characters, many of them had roles significantly altered, or disappeared from the film altogether before it arrived in theaters. Karen Bryson, who played Cyborg’s mother Ellinore, had her role cut as well. Additionally, Kiersey Clemons, who played Iris West, was removed from the film. All of them will appear in 2021’s Zack Snyder’s Justice League. According to representatives for Whedon, these decisions were made prior to his taking control of the project.

And listen to what else Fisher said here:

“Race was just one of the issues with the reshoot process. There were massive blowups, threats, coercion, taunting, unsafe work conditions, belittling, and gaslighting like you wouldn’t believe,” Fisher commented when asked for details.

As for the role Johns had in the abusive environment on set, Fisher didn’t mince words on either Whedon or Johns.

“Geoff Johns made a veiled threat to my career during the LA reshoots of Justice League,” Fisher said. “Multiple sources have informed me, that Joss threatened the career of another person associated with the production. Toby was made aware and tried to cover for Whedon rather than deal with the abuse. That situation had to be escalated to Tsujihara to get any results.”

But I mean, of course Joss Whedon doesn’t have a problem with people of color. Look at all the non-white characters he’s had in his shows and movies like uh… it’s pretty much just Zoe and Book, isn’t it?

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Australia’s Ban on Adult Material from Japan is as Idiotic as it is Racist

When I was a kid, the biggest villains in the world, in my mind, were Terry Rakolta and Jack Thompson, with the politicians who enabled them like Hillary Clinton and Joe Lieberman not very fall behind. If you’re not familiar with the names, they lead censorship campaigns against the Fox sitcom Married… With Children and against violent video games like Night Trap, a b-movie sendup with no actual violence or sex.

These campaigns were ostensibly launched for the protection of children, but it was, to paraphrase Marge Simpson, because these people didn’t like these things and so they believed that no one else should enjoy them either.

Australia is currently seeing what happens when a few powerful people get hyper-fixated on something esoteric and ultimately harmless but decides they’re going to use the power they have to utterly upend society until it conforms to their whims. I am, of course, talking about Stirling Griff, an Australian Senator and member of the Centrists Against Fun and Windmills party, or Centre Alliance.

Stirling Griff found a copy of the manga adaptation of Eromanga Sensei and lost his entire mind and decided it was his goal to get that comic banned from shops, along with massively popular series Sword Art Online and No Game, No Life. The biggest irony to me is all three of these titles are based on prose novels and most of the world, outside of fundamentalist religious theocracies, is way past banning prose novels for obscenity.

Griff’s snit was caused by these comics depicting teenagers having sex with each other because god forbid we admit that happens. His idiotic crusade to have these comics classified as child pornography has led to Australian Customs blocking all shipments of any adult material at all from Japan.

This is where we get to the true root cause of this whole mess: racism. Have you ever noticed it’s always black musicians people are calling obscene? Tipper Gore, former wife of Vice President Al Gore, fought for those explicit lyrics labels on albums because she was scandalized by a Prince track. Griff is not targeting manga because underaged characters are depicted in sexual situations, he is targeting it because it’s from Japan, and I can prove it.

One of the most popular shows in Australia is Riverdale, the prime-time soap adaptation of Archie comics from the CW. One of the first plots in Riverdale involves 15-year-old Archie Andrews having a sexual relationship with Ms. Grundy, his music teacher. Having seen both Riverdale and Sword Art Online, I can safely say there’s much more sexual material and generally racier depictions of the teenaged characters in Riverdale.

You might be thinking “okay, but the KJ Apa isn’t 15, he’s 21, and the other main cast members are even older.” Okay, sure, but Eromanga Sensei’s cast aren’t real people, they’re just drawings. And Australia classifies some pornographic movies featuring adult actors as child pornography because the women have small breasts and as such “appear to be under 18.”

There has not been a peep from any of these grandstanding politicians attacking Japanese comic books about Riverdale because if they did, everyone would realize exactly how foolish they sound talking about the same situations in things like Eromanga Sensei.

For example, Griff has said “Experts also say that explicit anime and manga can be used by pedophiles as tools to groom children.” Not only do I not believe any actual expert said that, but  if it were true, couldn’t those pedophiles use Riverdale to groom children just as easily? What is the difference other than manga seems exotic and foreign and that makes it untrustworthy to you?

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Quibi Just Folded, Taking Two Billion Dollars of The World’s Dumbest People’s Money With Them

Quibi. It’s short for a quick bite and it’s synonymous with a huge piece of s**t everyone but people with more money than brains knew was going to fail within a year. So the announcement that it had indeed shuttered after only six months wasn’t really a surprise. If anything, I’m shocked by the longevity of Quibi, I had August in the office death pool.

There is an upside to the closure of Quibi, and it’s that most of Hollywood took an absolute bath on this failure that everyone but them saw coming. Seriously, Wikipedia’s entry on Quibi says that “in 2018, Quibi raised $1 billion in funding from major Hollywood film studios, TV companies, telecommunications companies, technology companies, banks, and other investors including The Walt Disney Company, 21st Century Fox, NBCUniversal, Sony Pictures, Time Warner, Viacom, eOne, Lionsgate, MGM, Madrone Capital, Goldman Sachs, JPMorgan Chase, Alibaba Group, Liberty Global and ITV.” By the time they folded they had raised almost $2 billion in VC money.

Basically, these Hollywood investors can’t wait to throw money at people whose names they know and Quibi was the brainchild of Jeffrey Katzenberg, the former head of Disney and was run by Meg Whitman, the former CEO of HP. Those are names all those businesses knew so of course their new product was going to be hugely profitable, right?

The problem with Quibi is that it was like YouTube but with much worse content and it cost more than Disney+. The main draw of YouTube is that it’s free. Sure, it has ads but you can just go there and there’s enough free content that you’ll never be able to watch it all. Now, a lot of YouTube content is low-quality video clickbait, but there’s so much quality, professionally-produced content there that the cream of the crop on YouTube dwarfs the total amount of content on Quibi, which was very much bulked out by news programming.

The reason so many YouTube channels like Good Mythical Morning and Babish Culinary Universe have had as much success as they have is that they’re independently created by people who are able to infuse their actual personalities into the finished product.

Quibi didn’t even try to do that in the way that, say, Condé Nast did. Quibi tried to bring a sort of network/Netflix television to short-form streaming content and it’s just a thing no one asked for and clearly something that no one wanted when it was offered.

But it seems likely that the bigger reason Quibi wanted to get into short-form content is that they could skirt union regulations and underpay the crews on these shows. Basically, once a show gets over 20 minutes long, you have to pay the crew more. If you take a three-act, 24-minute television show and break it into three seven-minute episodes, you can save a ton of money by underpaying the crew.

When I took a free trial and looked at what Quibi was doing, its scripted programming was mostly comprised of multi-part serials with a total length in the neighborhood of 90 minutes. Quibi’s business model was to make feature films for streaming and do it by paying all the cameramen and gaffers and grips and script supervisors and what have you well below the rates their unions negotiated for by having the credits play ten times during every film instead of just at the end.

It’s good for everyone that Quibi failed. They didn’t understand the market and their business model was premised on exploiting workers. But there are going to be a lot of Quibis as the streaming market sorts itself out. Remember Seeso? The streaming service that basically denied Americans a chance to watch Get Krack!n, the absolutely brilliant Australian morning-show parody. That was maybe the first Quibi. But more Quibis are on the horizon. Hulu could even be the next Quibi once it loses its network TV content.

The post Quibi Just Folded, Taking Two Billion Dollars of The World’s Dumbest People’s Money With Them appeared first on The Blemish.

Demi Lovato has Phoned Home, Claims She Talks to Aliens Now

One of my favorite people in the world is David Icke. He’s just so entirely insane that it’s hard not to find him entertaining. If you’re not familiar with him, David Icke is an idiot soccer player who went to a psychic and was told spirits would speak to him; this ended in him publicly declaring himself the Son of the Godhead and writing books about how the British royal family and all American presidents are invading lizard aliens in fake human costumes like that TV miniseries V. Though I kind of see it in Prince Phillip now.

Demi Lovato might be the Daughter of the Godhead because she’s talking to aliens now.

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The past few days I’ve spent in Joshua Tree with a small group of loved ones and @dr.steven.greer and his CE5 team. Over the past couple months I have dug deep into the science of consciousness and experienced not only peace and serenity like I’ve never known but I also have witnessed the most incredibly profound sightings both in the sky as well as feet away from me. This planet is on a very negative path towards destruction but WE can change that together. If we were to get 1% of the population to meditate and make contact, we would force our governments to acknowledge the truth about extraterrestrial life among us and change our destructive habits destroying our planet. This is just some of the evidence from under the stars in the desert sky that can no longer be ignored and must be shared immediately 💞💫☄ to make contact yourself you can download the CE5 app and it will teach you the protocols to connect to life form beyond our planet!! (Ps, if it doesn’t happen on the first try – keep trying – it took me several sessions to tap into a deep enough level of meditation to make contact!) Happy communicating 💞🙏🏼

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Lovato says she has “dug deep into the science of consciousness and experienced not only peace and serenity as I’ve never known but I also have witnessed the most incredibly profound sightings both in the sky as well as feet away from me. This planet is on a very negative path towards destruction but WE can change that together. If we were to get 1% of the population to meditate and make contact, we would force our governments to acknowledge the truth about extraterrestrial life among us and change our destructive habits destroying our planet.”

This is straight out of David Icke, who, before going crazy, was a Green Party spokesman and was fired as a sportscaster by the BBC for opposing my nemesis Margaret Thatcher.

It takes that particular blend of left-wing politics and belief in the supernatural that Icke and apparently Lovato have to get your really entertaining crazy bullshit; right-wing people who believe in this kind of crazy stuff generally just go to church.

I do believe, however, based mainly on the shape of her head, that Demi Lovato could be an alien herself and is just contacting her people like a less hot E.T.

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Enough With the Damn Murder Docs, Netflix

I miss the days of the old Netflix.

I mean, I don’t miss the old, old Netflix, where you had to rent individual films, which were then mailed to you, which you then had to return (??) at a store. No, I definitely don’t miss that strange Twilight Zone-esque era in which we all apparently lived.

No, I miss the era where Netflix made original content, not just nonfiction documentaries. Where I could go over to a girl’s place for a date and we pop on some Big Mouth or some BoJack Horseman (okay, maybe not that last one) to watch.

Nowadays, all we get are pages upon pages of murder documentaries. True crime, multi-part miniseries where you spend six hours getting into the psychology of this or that killer. Docuseries that give us four episodes on the planning, one episode on the actual act, and three more episodes on the ramifications.

It’s exhausting. It seems like today Netflix has fully jumped onto the bandwagon of binge-watching documentaries on murders, assaults, and robberies, so that now we’re all subjected to the same stories of terrible men (and sometimes women, but let’s be real, mostly men) doing terrible things.

Where did it start? Well, while clearly these existed prior to this event, I would argue the 2016 docuseries O.J.: Made in America is actually the catalyst. This miniseries, which aired on ESPN as part of their 30 for 30 series of documentaries, took a look at race and celebrity through the lens of O.J. Simpson’s life and career.

It talked about his football career’s origins at the University of Southern California, it talked about the height of his success and prosperity as a football legend…and it, obviously, talked about the second half of his life, from the murder trial to even the 2007 robbery conviction.

The Ezra Edelman-directed docuseries was a cultural event, inescapable in the first half of 2016 due to its ability to meld the story of O.J. in with general racial overtones in Los Angeles. It inflamed, questioned, and criticized the way in which the “Trial of the Century” was painted by the relationship between African-Americans in the city and the police.

Once everyone saw the awards and ratings it pulled in, it was all over.

While nuanced television analysts would tell you that the series saw such success, way more than other ESPN 30 for 30 entries, due to its complex grappling with what O.J.’s rise and fall meant for a historically disenfranchised community, television executives are not nuanced analysts.

They saw that big murder = money money money.

And thus it began. Every famous crime of the past half-century, especially those committed by celebrities, got a documentary miniseries on it, regardless of its relevance to the greater world today.

Lifetime got in on it with Surviving R. Kelly in January 2019, perhaps the first true case of cancel culture. Y’know how for years we all kind of just knew he was a monster and yet that was the end of it, we just all moved on with our days accepting the industry rumors?

Well, less than a month after the documentary finished airing, R. Kelly’s record label had dropped him as an artist, and ten different charges of sexual abuse had been filed against him. Goes to show, sometimes all it really takes is a Dream Hampton documentary.

Netflix went big with just having entire television shows dedicated to certain murders or crimes. The hit show Making a Murderer was entirely dedicated to the story of Steven Avery and his conviction, and later exoneration, of sexual assault and murder – before he was then convicted again of a separate murder.

They also feature smaller, single-episode cases, such as the third episode of the first season of Dark Tourist, entirely focused on the infamous Jeffrey Dahmer case. This pairs nicely with the Oxygen documentary that goes through the entire Dahmer case and its consequences, in case that screwed-up story is more your style.

Then, there’s HBO, who obviously spent all of that sweet sweet dragon money (assuming they still get money from that show despite its trash finale) on the big one. HBO’s 2019 documentary Leaving Neverland went after the white (no pun intended) whale himself, Michael Jackson.

Now, the O.J. Simpson case was theoretically the Trial of the Century, right? But I don’t know that anybody predicted how much of a shockwave the Michael Jackson documentary would send out when it aired in March of last year.

After all, the allegations of Jackson being a creep around little boys (and sometimes girls) go back decades – I believe the first one was in like 1993. And yet, the impact was undeniable.

A decade after his death, a series of interviews with two alleged victims, Wade Robson and James Safechuck, completely rocked the world. Every journalist desperate for a Friday-night story hopped on it, while the legions of Jackson fans who didn’t dare question their own love for the King of Pop came out in droves to defend him against slander.

HBO didn’t claim that he did it, they simply stood by their creators making content. And that’s exactly the point. These channels, these streaming services, they don’t care about the truth or about the real story.

They just know that we love a good, juicy story, we love overly-edited interviews and multi-hour documentaries on why our heroes were actually terrible people.

In theory, good journalism would be the way to uncover the truth, but you can’t put on a New York Times article while you cuddle with your girlfriend, so instead, we get a smattering of murder mystery documentaries.

It’s genius, really.

And the ironic part of it all is that the original, the one that kicked off this current wave of murder mystery documentaries, was the ESPN O.J. Simpson one. Made in America wasn’t an exploitative cash-grab designated to repeat facts we already know with higher production value.

And yet, all of its peers are. Oh well.

Guess this is what we get when we let Netflix dominate our dates.

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Rose McGowan, Hollie Marie Combs to New ‘Charmed’ Cast: We’re Not Racist, Your Show Just Sucks

When you hear that cast members from Charmed are fighting, you kind of expect it to be Rose McGowan and Alyssa Milano at each other’s throats over how Milano threw the #metoo movement under the bus for Joe Biden.  But the current Charmed kerfuffle isn’t between the original cast and the reboot cast after Rose McGowan said she didn’t like the reboot.

It started when McGowan and Hollie Marie Combs complained about the show being rebooted without them, and without asking them to be involved, which they thought was essentially trading on the name of the brand they built to sell an inferior product. They joked that their series had been removed from Netflix so people didn’t confuse the new series with the one with the “old people.” People who saw the George Clooney Batman movies or The Amazing Spider-Man films will know exactly what they mean.

Sarah Jeffery of the new cast decided that the only reason someone wouldn’t like the new Charmed reboot would be racism and tweeted about it, accusing the former stars of “putting down women of color.”

If you thought Rose McGowan was going to stay silent and just take that, you don’t know Rose McGowan. She took on Harvey Weinstein and his army of spies, she’s not afraid of a CW actor.

Here’s how McGowan responded on her Instagram Story, via People:

“Dear Sarah Jeffery, I honestly had no idea who you were til you tweeted,” McGowan wrote in her post. “I have been too busy fighting monsters & fighting for a massive Cultural Reset to notice who’s in the reboot. Absolutely nothing to do with race, that’s quite a stretch you took. I’m beyond glad any WOC has a well paying job. Hell yes to that. I’m sure you are a great actress.”

She continued: “‘My quibble (google it) is about execs & producers & @wb network trading on years of my work & name in such a cynical and obvious way – a money grab to cash in on the Charmed name. I do not care that they remade it, I have far bigger things I’m dealing with. I do not nor will I watch a show I disagree with on principle.”

“This is not ego trashing the reboot, this is a criticism of creators … with little to no imagination making bank off of years of us busting our ass to create a legacy that you are actually profiting off of as well,” McGown wrote. “I care that original fans weren’t listened to. I care that Hollywood won’t stop making remakes that don’t need to be remade. It’s a formula that’s gone on for too long.”

Hollie Marie Combs also responded to the accusation in a much more blunt way, saying “That’s some bullshit.”

I’m on team old people here. Reboots, by definition, are either just retreading the same old stories or have a different enough premise that they could be a new series and are just trading on an established name trying to bring in an existing audience. It’s not to say that they’re bad, but CW’s DC Comics shows have gone out of their way to include actors from previous adaptations, including bringing John Wesley Shipp onto Flash as Jay Garrick, the first Flash and having Batman: The Animated Series Star Kevin Conroy play Batman in Crisis on Infinite Earths.

Charmed seems to want to have its cake and eat it to by using the name of the previous series to bring in old fans while also trying to distance itself from the show, which I never thought was very good but had a very engaged cult following. The new cast clearly has no respect for what came before them, at any rate, and I think Ghostbusters proved that calling people who don’t like your crappy reboot bigots isn’t exactly the best marketing strategy.

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A Melon’s Ego: A Record

“Hi there everybody. Anthony Fantano here, the Internet’s busiest music nerd.”

With those eleven words, Anthony Fantano, the creator and face of YouTube’s TheNeedleDrop channel, has shaped popular music for the past decade.

Fantano, a bald music critic in his early thirties, has been reviewing music as The Needle Drop since 2009, when he launched the YouTube channel alongside an official Twitter account and an accompanying Facebook page.

Boasting over two million subscribers on his channel and a Twitter feed without almost a million followers, Fantano, aged thirty-four, is without a doubt the most popular music critic of the modern era.

A recent profile by The New York Times – yeah, that New York Times – outlined some of the appeal behind Fantano’s meteoric rise. It followed his early origins and his interactions with fans to this day. It also provided a generational context to his success.

Quite simply, if you’re a member of Generation Z, Anthony Fantano, or the Melon as he’s so lovingly called by many of his fans, is the only music critic whose opinion matters. That’s the thesis of the NYT article, it’s the gist of the various Spin Magazine articles written on him, and it’s only evident to anyone who follows the world of music criticism.

Basically, when it comes to album reviews, the only two that are observed are the Melon’s and Pitchfork’s. The latter, however, is a website, and while they upload day-of reviews that are quite anticipated, they’re textual posts, ranging around one thousand or more words, and quite impersonal (case in point, a different listener reviews each album).

Then there’s The Needle Drop. Fantano has managed to maintain a simple, easy-to-digest format for his whole career, featuring him speaking directly into a camera while featuring the current album behind him on the wall.

It’s a small operation, with Fantano simply using funds raised by his meme-heavy Patreon and his TurnTable link to pay for a video editor (Austin) other freelance production assistants. It’s sure as hell not as impressive as the massive teams over at NME or Complex Magazine, especially when Fantano is plugging the nifty metal-plated wallets of his sponsor, the good people over at the Ridge.

There’s more than just the video presentation, though. Fantano also consistently finishes up his reviews, whether the review lasts six minutes or twenty-seven, with a numerical score from zero to ten. He’s given out a few zeros and ones, mostly to albums like Chance the Rapper’s The Big Day and that horrid Green Day album from earlier this year.

However, it’s the high scores – and those albums that should’ve gotten higher scores – that really get his fans, his Melonheads as he calls them, in a buzz. In eleven years, Fantano has only given five ten/tens, mostly in the noise rock and hip hop genres.

There’s Death Grips’ The Money Store (2012), Swans’ To Be Kind (2014), Kendrick Lamar’s To Pimp a Butterfly (2015), the self-titled KIDS SEE GHOSTS project (2018), and Daughters’ You Won’t Get What You Want (2018).

Yes, five albums in a decade. The man is nothing if not ruthless in his grading.

Some of his more infamous moments, such as the 6/10 score he gave to Kanye West’s magnum opus My Beautiful Dark Twisted Fantasy in 2010 or the measly 4/10 he gave to Bon Iver’s 22, A Million in 2016, have earned him plenty of scorn. The Melon, to his credit, has defended himself by saying that he only speaks for himself, and is fine with other people disagreeing with all of his thoughts.

However, given that he’s approaching three million subscribers and is now being covered by national newspapers, is it worth looking at some of the less-savory elements to Fantano’s celebrity by this point?

Take the “Snow On Tha Bluff” controversy from June. Following a series of tweets from multi-genre artist Noname, rapper J. Cole made a song with the aforementioned title, essentially tone policing her and questioning her credibility to speak on the issue. Noname replied with a short, one-minute, Madlib-produced diss track, telling him that right now was not the time to be throwing shots at other black artists.

Enter: Anthony Fantano, controversy coveter. The Melon himself fired off a series of tweets roasting J. Cole – an artist who he’s consistently mocked for what he perceives as being overrated in the current hip hop era – and responding defensively when pressed on it.

Was he wrong to do so? Who knows. Did J. Cole probably need to focus on police brutality instead of questioning the woke credentials of a fellow artist? Most definitely. But this fits into a pattern of online messy situations on the part of the Melon, who once was the subject of a now-infamous Fader article.

There’s also the redveil saga, in which a recent Twitch livestream featured Fantano reviewing submitted tracks by fans and users alike. When 16-year old redveil’s new EP was mentioned, Fantano began mocking and deriding what he perceived as lousy, lazy production choices, to the chagrin of many of his fans who supported redveil and disliked seeing a young artist attacked.

When pressed, Fantano went on the defensive once more, claiming he’s only ever given his honest opinion, and that an artist’s age does not mean he’s free from criticism. Today redveil has received a massive boost in popularity off that one exchange, so really, no harm no foul.

But if Anthony Fantano is being covered by the New York Times and becoming the voice of gospel to music-lovers under twenty-five everywhere, it’s worth keeping an eye on what kind of voice that will be.

The man loves music, adores it even, that much is not up for debate. From there, whether his personal biases and character traits don’t also poison the discussion around certain artists or make his social media accounts more toxic than helpful is a whole other debate.

Personally, I’m going to keep watching. After all, the man got me into Death Grips and Fleet Foxes, and as long as he stops trying to sell me those damn Ridge wallets, I’ll even forgive the abysmal score he gave Mac Miller’s Swimming.

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Blake Jenner’s ‘Apology’ to Melissa Benoist Doesn’t Mention Her Name, Accuses Her of Abuse

One thing that always drove me crazy watching Supergirl was the scar on Melissa Benoist’s forehead. I always thought they should have covered it up because Supergirl definitely wouldn’t have a scar like that. Or at least put a similar scar on the actress playing her as a child on Krypton.

Over the years, Benoist has told a number of stories about how she got that scar, but last year she told everyone the truth, that her ex-husband and Glee co-star Blake Jenner gave it to her when he whipped an iPhone at her head.

On Thursday, Jenner (no relation to Kylie or Kendall) admitted what he did, took responsibility, and apologized.

Kind of.

See, he did those things, but he also said Benoist was the real abuser, including claiming she broke his nose, and failed to mention her name once in the entire post.

So who is telling the truth? Well, I don’t know, no one knows but Benoist and Jenner.

Here’s what I do know: this is Stephen Fry.

See the way his nose bends? That’s because it was broken when he was a child. Blake Jenner’s nose looks fine and Melissa Benoist has a scar on her face that is so prominent that I thought her current TV show should have explained how her character got it.

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