It’s Valentine’s Day, and we’re celebrating by following Cupid’s arrow all the way to where the sun don’t shine. Taylor Swift is the kind of guy’s guy who can kick back, down a brewski, and throw about the pigskin with the boys, yet is also a killer with the ladies. So it’s no wonder that she’s allegedly (according to us, and other people, but mostly us) dated some of the sexiest models and starlets in Hollywood!
If you want a detailed rundown of Swift’s ALLEGED lesbionic history, you can head here. Basically she broke her first girlfriend Emily Poe’s heart to make way for her transactional publicity stunt beard relationships with guys like Joe Jonas, Tom Hiddleston, John Mayer, etc. But then Karlie Kloss came along. And it doesn’t take a Wix website to see Kloss’ sex appeal.
The two hit it off in blonde Amazonian bombshell fashion, however, Kloss wasn’t the only one to leave her droplets on Swift’s guitar. Swift and her famed “squad” (code for harem, anyone?) will leave you with a wad, so hit the gallery for looks at all of Swift’s sexiest ALLEGED girlfriends, and let us know which chick you’re going to Shake It Off to in the comments. ALLEGEDLY.
Photo Credit: Getty Images, Mr. Skin
Welcome to Africa, idiot
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Netflix claims that 80 million households have watched their original film Bird Box, yet somehow I don’t know a soul who has actually sat down and watched it beginning to end. Nevertheless, it’s a bonafide phenomenon now, which means the folks over at Screen Junkies have turned it into their latest Honest Trailer.
Having not seen the film myself, I don’t know if this is a decent takedown, but I do know that it reinforces why I haven’t watched it yet. It’s nothing that hasn’t been done better in a dozen other similar movies. Not only that, this same basic premise was more or less done perfectly earlier last year with A Quiet Place.
I understand the thought process behind watching a Netflix Original: you don’t have to leave the house, it doesn’t cost anything to watch, etc. However, until they really start investing in quality properties, they’re just going to strike gold at random intervals, as they have been.
As much as I love Sandy Bullock and appreciate her as an actress, this looked like a direct-to-Redbox dud that must’ve only appealed to her because of the literal dump truck full of money they drove up to her house. If you’re one of the households in America that hasn’t seen Bird Box yet, it’s on Netflix. Go watch it. Or don’t, I don’t care.
Seriously, don’t mess with Keanu
Like the saying goes, if at first you don’t succeed, try something else
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We don’t need a Silence of the Lambs remake, but if someone wants to cast Louis C.K. as Miggs, it might get my blessing.
Provided you don’t watch all the way to the end, this is very impressive
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Shane Black’s The Predator could have been a great guilty pleasure had it not gone off the rails in the absurdly stupid third act. The film was clearly the victim of studio meddling, likely brought on by poor test audience scores, and you can tell. Black just sort of stops caring right around the time when all of the film’s main characters are running through the woods in the final twenty minutes.
Screen Junkies‘ latest Honest Trailer takes the film to task for taking a stupid pill, pointing out the film’s many problems, not least of which is the way they killed off Sterling K. Brown’s character rather unceremoniously. Seriously, both people I went to see this with stopped paying attention for five seconds and missed his death. That’s just sloppy filmmaking.
Don’t get me wrong, it was far from the worst movie I saw last year—that honor goes to The Happytime Murders—but as they said, all we needed from this movie was Predators vs. Badass Mercs. That’s all we needed. This movie got bogged down in some of the dumbest shit of all time, and while I can’t help but wonder what the film would’ve looked like before the studio meddling, there’s some stupid stuff in this movie that would’ve still been there, guaranteed.
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My heart breaks for him, but I can’t help laughing once he takes that vet tech for a ride
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Uh oh, guys, I don’t know what’s going on but I legitimately laughed out loud twice during this new extended sneak peek at April’s Shazam! While Aquaman was dumber than a bag of hammers, it was a lot of fun and I enjoyed watching it, meaning that DC might actually go two for two for the first time since Batman and Batman Returns.
Not only do we get Zachary Levi’s super-powered pre-teen trying to buy beer and meeting with a real estate agent about a secret lair—my two laughs—we also get our first look at Mark Strong as the villainous Dr. Sivana, as well as a pretty incredible looking rooftop transformation for the title character. Director David F. Sandberg’s last two films, Lights Out and Annabelle: Creation, were better than they had any right to be, so it’s not totally surprising that this film might actually work.
Leaning into the inherent comedy in such a premise is the right move, and I’m glad they went for it from minute one. In other words, unlike Justice League, this doesn’t feel like a film at war with itself in an attempt to land some cheap laughs. If this sneak peek is any indication, there will be legitimate laughs aplenty in Shazam!
Somewhere, someone’s enjoying this for all the wrong reasons
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Don’t act like you don’t have three of them in your glove box
Where they’re coming from or where they’re headed?
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‘Halloween’ Honest Trailer Covers the 2018 Version, Which Was Still the Best Halloween Sequel (VIDEO)
Typically the longer the wait between sequels, the worse the finished product turns out, but we’ve turned a corner lately wherein a deep, abiding love of the original has prevailed in these various remake/reboot/belated-sequels. Whether it’s The Force Awakens or Mary Poppins Returns, fealty to the original has churned out some decent flicks in the last few years, including last year’s Halloween, the sequel to Halloween.
This David Gordon Green-directed instant slasher classic was better than it had any right to be, which leads the folks over at Screen Junkies to take it relatively easy on the film in their latest Honest Trailer. Yes, they point out the obvious fact that no one was expecting much from a movie written by Kenny Powers, but still, it took us all by surprise in the end.
I’m not sure if this will end up counting as a reboot, since a sequel is already planned—and well set up by this flick’s ending, my sorta one big gripe with this movie. It’s definitely a sequel to the original, definitely ignores everything since 1978, but will now become the first in a new franchise, I guess? It’s all very confusing. This is why we need numbers. Like it or not, this should’ve been Halloween 11.
And I quote…
“I’m telling you: a man running around with his thing (dick) flapping around in the air. If you walk out of here tonight, and you see a man running down the street with his thing flapping in the air, run with that man! Because there is some scary stuff coming the other way!”
There’s only so far you can push a man before he gets up and tosses a Christmas tree in your face
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You just don’t recover from something like this. Ever.
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This is no laughing matter
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Can I just say, up front, that M. Night Shyamalan dropped the ball when he failed to call this third film in his superhero trilogy The Return of Bruno. I mean, it is, after all, the return of Bruce Willy to the franchise, so why not have a little fun with it?
Before we get the trilogy closer Glass next weekend, you can get primed with this Honest Trailer for Shyamalan’s 2000 film Unbreakable, the one that started it all. There’s lots of fun stuff in here, like them ragging on all of the intense staring that happens in this film.
I rewatched Unbreakable not too long ago and it holds up. In fact, it’s probably a better movie than it was 19 years ago. Split was decent, though it suffered from Shyamalan’s signature “too muchness” wherein he overwrites dialogue and overshoots his close-ups. He needs to make a movie he didn’t write sometime, I think he’d be better off.
As much as I want to be excited for Glass, there’s nothing funnier to me than that scene in the trailer where James McAvoy runs at Bruce Willis on all fours like an animal. I don’t care how serious you want your movie to be, the minute you start aping Tim Allen in The Shaggy Dog, it all goes out the window…
Glass, aka The Return of Bruno, opens one week from tomorrow night.
I’m also now a cat
I don’t know that I’d go so far as to say that Venom was one of the worst movies of 2018, but it was definitely terrible. It could also have been called The Tom Hardy Show, because director Ruben Fleischer decided—wisely, I might add—to let the notoriously ticky actor run wild. He’s the only thing the movie’s got going for it, which is probably why Screen Junkies decided to take it relatively easy on the flick in their latest Honest Trailer.
There are some good bits in here, but overall they could’ve really laid into this movie for any number of things like turning into a computer game at the end or for the end credits beginning at the 91 minute mark. But they mostly harp on the fact that Spider-Man is nowhere to be found, which is a fair criticism, but haven’t we covered that ground endlessly already? No one was actually expecting Spider-Man to show up by the time they bought their ticket to see this, were they?
The video is best when they’re making fun of the movie itself, like the assemblage of all of Hardy’s various mutterings and grunts and the fact that Nolan probably covers his mouth for this exact reason. I also love that they make fun of his ever-changing assortment of Johnny Depp man-bracelets, as one of the highlights of the film for me was imagining the continuity supervisor throwing his hands up on the third day of shooting and walking off the set, never to be replaced.
You can now rent Venom at Redbox, which is how I saw it, and if you’ve got a free rental code, you won’t be disappointed. Guaranteed. Or your money back.
One of the better running gags in 2014’s The LEGO Movie involved Channing Tatum’s Superman trying desperately to avoid Jonah Hill’s Green Lantern. It looks as though the two will be back to keep this joke going in February’s The LEGO Movie 2: The Second Part. The Justice League in this world appears to be growing as well, with a Jason Momoa-inspired and voiced Aquaman showing up alongside Supes, Wonder Woman, and the rest.
Looking at the cast list on imdb, it seems the only thing they’re not continuing from the first movie is a trip to the real world. Will Ferrell isn’t listed among the cast at all, and while that twist was a great surprise in the first LEGO Movie, it might seem old hat here. Not wanting to repeat absolutely everything from the first film is a key to any well made, successful sequel.
There’s really no tougher act to follow than a surprisingly successful film that no one expected much from. The very concept of a LEGO movie seemed absurd six years ago, but now it makes perfect sense. It’s also good that there have been two lesser LEGO movies since then, which helps lower expectations for the sequel considerably.
The LEGO Movie 2: The Second Part assembles in theaters on February 8.
Wait until tomorrow, okay? Hell, wait until Thursday. At this point, you should probably just wait until 2020.
If there’s one thing that YouTuber Aldo Jones‘ “Weird Trailer” series cannot be accused of, it’s false advertising. This guy’s got a seriously twisted sense of humor and he uses his estimable technological acumen to put out one of the most consistently bizarre things on the internet. And that’s really saying something.
While nothing can top Ben Affleck losing his wig in the first Justice League Weird Trailer, there’s a lot to love about this new Avengers: Endgame Weird Trailer, especially the extended finale, and of course Mark Ruffalo showing up behind Paul Rudd at the end. I truly love Jones’ affinity for Mark Ruffalo, who has given many a meme-worthy interview in his day. Find his kickin’ interpretation of one of Ruffalo’s derpiest moments below…
Once we put 2018 to bed in a few hours, the wait for a lot of big movies gets suddenly shorter. There’s an absurd number of event movies coming out in 2019, almost every single one of them courtesy of the Mouse House. Let’s hope that Aldo Jones is there to make them weird and substantially more enjoyable at the same time.
Avengers: Endgame, regular version, hits theaters on April 26, 2019. More weirdness to come between now and then I’m sure.
‘Holmes and Watson’s Will Ferrell and John C. Reilly Enter New Yorker Cartoon Caption Contest (VIDEO)
If you like doughy, curly-haired man baby actors, John C. Reilly and Will Ferrell are among the premiere guys in all of those fields. The pair’s third film together, Holmes & Watson, is getting savaged by critics, and while it’s every bit as sloppy and unfocused as they rightfully claim, I can tell you that if you have tweens—mine are 9 and 12—take them to this movie. You guys will have a blast.
The dynamic duo recently got together to enter the New Yorker Cartoon Caption Contest, an ongoing series where generally amusing people are given blank New Yorker cartoons and asked to caption them. There are some gems in here like Reilly’s unused, “I think I’m gonna take off,” and the discussion about magicians, proving that these two don’t need a script to be funny together. Just turn on the camera and let them go.
So yeah, if you have kids that are too young for Step Brothers, take ’em to Holmes and Watson. It’s perfectly fine and will get them primed for more from these two. Then show them Talladega Nights, that one went over well too. Of course you can also dip into some early Steve Brule if they enjoy Reilly, and Anchorman‘s a good bet for the Ferrell fanatics.
One of the greatest dance scenes of the 80s, hands down. Also, him recreating this scene on Conan a few years ago was pure magic…
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The world still sucks, but at least you can watch Vince McMahon get the fuck down…
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Look at how adorable this little guy is!
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