Perhaps the best thing about Disney scooping up the X-Men into the MCU is that it means the end of needless adaptations of the Dark Phoenix saga. In two tries, Fox has failed conclusively to adapt this sprawling comics narrative, with their latest try being this past summer’s borderline unwatchable X-Men: Dark Phoenix.
The latest Honest Trailer from Screen Junkies tackles this quasi-behemoth/colossal failure of a movie, pointing out many of its flaws and the many, many reasons it failed to be an engaging entry in this franchise. The X-Men have seen their fair share of awful movies over the years, but if anything else, the franchise has been marked by some pretty high peaks (X2, Days of Future Past, Logan) and some embarrassing lows (The Last Stand, X-Men Origins: Wolverine).
Then there’s that middle ground where you just kind of forget what the movie was even about three days after you’ve seen it. That’s sort of where Dark Phoenix resides alongside The Wolverine and X-Men: Apocalypse. Not necessarily terrible compared to the worst entries in the franchise, but not exactly something you’re clamoring to see again.
X-Men: Dark Phoenix is now available on Blu-ray, DVD, and On Demand, if you really feel the need to complete the journey.
Thankfully my children are now old enough to not want to see every Disney movie that gets released, and I somehow managed to dodge seeing both Aladdin and The Lion King this summer. Many of you weren’t as lucky, however, and had to sit through the live-action monstrosity of Aladdin, but now the good folks over at Screen Junkies have put together this Honest Trailer for the film that might turn some of those terrible memories into opportunities for laughter.
Disney’s proclivity for churning out several of these live action adaptations of their classic animated movies is going to leave them hard up for material by 2021. Maybe they’ll come up with some new scheme after that, like reanimating all of the live action movies with Pixar-like computer animation. I don’t know how they’re going to keep up and having now blown through all of the beloved Disney classics, one has to wonder if they’re going to start doing lesser-known flicks like Brother Bear or The Black Cauldron.
Actually, they’ll never do The Black Cauldron. They’ll do a Song of the South remake before they do The Black Cauldron. Anyways, Aladdin, it looked terrible, it was terrible, and now you can laugh about it.
Following the film’s first trailer, I was on board for whatever Taika Waititi had in store for us with Jojo Rabbit. With that same eager excitement, I watched the film’s latest trailer, and just prior to the one minute mark, things take a turn into territory that most mainstream comedy films would avoid.
Before that, the film seems like a wacky comedy where a young boy in World War II-era Germany joins the Hitler Youth and also has Hitler as an imaginary friend, played by writer/director Waititi. There’s a German cover of “I’m a Believer,” Sam Rockwell doing his charming bad guy routine, Stephen Merchant looking like Toht from Raiders of the Lost Ark. It just generally looks like a lot of fun.
Then Waititi reminds us that this was a dark, dark period in our history and sometimes great satire has to plunge into very dark territory. If you haven’t seen the trailer yet, I’ll leave you unspoiled heading into it, but this has only enhanced my excitement for the film. Perhaps the most exciting thing is that even when things take a dark turn, the mood remains heightened and the film still looks like it’s going to be a great time, not a dour and depressing descent into the depths of the human soul. If the humor was absent, it wouldn’t be proper satire.
Jojo Rabbit premieres at the Toronto International Film Festival later this month before rolling out to select theaters on October 18.
Vitaly was one of the OG YouTube pranksters, and he has amassed over 10 million die-hard subscribers treated to some of the wildest pranks ever on the Internet. Most famously Vitaly’s smoking hot girlfriend streaked during the champion league final. That’s all well and good, but you REALLY need to be checking out Vitaly’s latest – VitalyUncensored. Vitaly and his girls are still pulling all the stops with their pranks, but his twisted mind is now cooking up some of the absolutely sexiest content on the Internet. Period.
The ladies of VitalyUncensored are completely wild and kinky and love showing off their hot racks while getting into really weird, but also really sexy, shenanigans. With a subscription to VitalyUncensored you get to see insane videos like Trailer Trash Parents Prank and Escaped Sex Slave Prank, and you can even check out his Big Ass Game Show. With a subscription to VitalyUncensored your day will look like this:
That’s you without VitalyUncensored.
The Blaxploitation movement was a many-tiered genre with some great films, some terrible films, and some films so terrible, they achieved their own brand of greatness. Among the best films in that third tier are Rudy Ray Moore’s four starring vehicles as Dolemite*, a kung-fu fighting pimp cum comedian. Moore is now getting the biopic treatment, chronicling his rise to stardom, via the Netflix Original Film Dolemite is My Name.
Eddie Murphy stars as Rudy Ray Moore, in what might be his most perfectly cast role since Bowfinger. True, he doesn’t really look like Moore, but he’s one of the best mimics around and as this trailer shows, he is fully embodying the spirit of the Blaxploitation legend. The film also features a damn good supporting cast including Keegan Michael Key, Craig Robinson, Mike Epps, Luenell, Tituss Burgess, and Wesley Snipes as D’Urville Martin, the man who would direct Moore’s feature debut.
If you’ve never seen a Rudy Ray Moore film, the time is now to get on the bandwagon. Hopefully this flick will ignite a renewed interest in his films, and hopefully Netflix is smart enough to put at least the first four on their streaming service to coincide with this film’s release. Dolemite is My Name will premiere at next month’s Toronto International Film Festival, before making its way to select theaters and Netflix this fall.
*Technically only Dolemite and The Human Tornado feature the character Dolemite, but Petey Wheatstraw and Disco Godfather might as well be Dolemite movies.
Alita: Battle Angel certainly wasn’t a bad movie, but it wasn’t without some major league flaws. The biggest issue the film had was the massive amounts of exposition that characters spouted off from the very beginning all the way until the very end, constantly explaining the rules of the world to the main character and, by proxy, the audience. Essentially, like many James Cameron projects, it over-explained things rather than trusting the audience to keep up.
The film is now getting the Honest Trailer treatment from the folks over at Screen Junkies, and they can’t help but bring up this particularly fatal flaw. They’re also not terribly hard on the film, which is appropriate considering it’s a difficult film to hate due to its earnestness. One area in which they really should have gone for the kill was with Alita’s love interest, played by this walking charisma vacuum.
Overall, Alita: Battle Angel is a decent flick that’s worth watching once, but not something I’m eager to revisit anytime soon. Yes, it’s got a great kick-ass female protagonist at a time in which such things are in short supply, but the film just isn’t an interesting enough adaptation of a damn good manga that’s totally worth reading. The film is available on all disc formats and VOD.
Before he became Marvel’s golden boy thanks to his revitalization of the Thor franchise, Taika Waititi was crafting bizarrely funny movies in his native New Zealand like Boy, What We Do in the Shadows, and Hunt for the Wilderpeople. His next film, Jojo Rabbit, returns Waititi to his roots before he returns to the MCU with Thor: Love and Thunder, and it looks like it’s bound to be his most controversial film yet.
The World War II-era film centers around a young German boy named Jojo who is a member of the Hitler Youth Army and whose mother (Scarlett Johansson) is hiding a young Jewish girl in their home. Also, his imaginary friend is Hitler himself, played by Waititi. It doesn’t necessarily sound like a comedy and there’s sure to be plenty in this film that isn’t funny, but Waititi is using satire to prove a point about hate and intolerance, a trick as old as satire itself.
The film features a solid supporting cast that includes my boo Sam Rockwell, as well as Stephen Merchant, Alfie Allen, and Rebel Wilson. True, the Nazi satire subgenre has had plenty of rotten entries like Uwe Boll’s Blubberella and the Iron Sky movies, but this looks as though it might actually be funny, unlike those other movies.
Jojo Rabbit will make its world premiere at September’s Toronto International Film Festival before beginning its theatrical rollout on October 18.
Mash-up trailers have been a thing for over a decade and a half now, what with the ubiquitous Brokeback Mountain parodies of the mid-aughts where you could just add that twangy guitar to any trailer to make it seem homoerotic. My personal favorite remains the one where they turned The Shining into a romantic comedy, complete with Peter Gabriel’s “Solsbury Hill.”
Wet Hot American Midsommar is a a mash-up of exactly what you’d think from the name. The trailer retains enough footage from Midsommar to make certain things make sense, but it’s mostly scenes from Wet Hot American Summer with that super creepy string music underneath it. It works like a dream and I imagine that the floodgates are now officially opened for everyone to start putting the Midsommar score under other, non-horror movies. Hell, this may not even be the first one to do it, for all I know, but I’m not about to do any research. I’ve got deadlines to meet, people!
Also, random thought, how weird is it watching Wet Hot American Summer and hearing H. Jon Benjamin as the voice of the can of vegetables saying “Gene” a bunch of times? It weirded me out the last time I watched it. Anyway, if this were a feature length film, I’d watch it.
As someone who has never given a good god damn about Game of Thrones, it was a real delight to sit back and watch the outrage in the fan community over the final season. It seems that people aren’t happy these days unless they’re mad about something, and the abbreviated final season of the show gave fans plenty to be angry about.
The good folks over at Screen Junkies have put together a new Honest Trailer for Game of Thrones, their third and final in a series, which covers seasons six through eight. They make some valid points, even for someone like me that couldn’t care less about the show, mainly that it’s obvious that the showrunners were working off an outline since George R.R. Martin couldn’t get his fat-guy-hat-wearing-ass in gear and provide them with much more than that.
Part of me thinks that this is another classic case of misdirected fan outrage, but there’s almost a universal consensus that the show’s final two seasons were underwhelming at best. At least with something like The Last Jedi, there are people on both sides of the argument, yet there don’t seem to be many people lining up to defend seasons seven or eight of GoT. In this one case, the fans might actually be right.
As everyone awaits their next fix from the Marvel Cinematic Universe with next month’s Spider-Man: Far From Home, the good folks over at Screen Junkies have taken it upon themselves to distill the entire MCU into one Honest Trailer. They’ve analyzed the trends, pointed out the similarities, and now they’re ruining the way you watch Marvel movies forever because you won’t help but notice the copious leg scissor kicks or dual weapon wielding.
Perhaps the most interesting point they raise is the comparison with the phases of a band, with Phase One being “The Conventional Pop Songs Phase,” Phase Two being “The Boundary Pushing Experimental Phase,” and Phase Three being “Woo! I Can Do No Wrong! I’m a Golden God Phase.” This of course means that Phase Four will “find the MCU puking in the gutter, wondering where it all went wrong.” It’s an apt comparison and with the lack of anything announced beyond Far From Home, it does lend some credence to this theory.
By the way, Homecoming, Far From Home… What’s the next one going to be called, Trying to Get Back Home? Home Again? Home Turf? Home on the Range? Home is Where the Heart Is? Home Stretch? Till the Cows Come Home? Bringing Home the Bacon? We’ll probably find out at SDCC, also next month.
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Captain Marvel was a good, if totally forgettable entry in the MCU thanks in large part to the film not really breaking any new ground beyond finally featuring a super-powered female. The film is now getting the Honest Trailer treatment from Screen Junkies, and they point out the biggest problem I had with the movie, and that’s the youthinization of Samuel L. Jackson.
This tech has worked well in the past, for example when they de-aged Michael Douglas for three minutes at the beginning of Ant-Man or when they de-aged Kurt Russell for three minutes at the beginning of Guardians Vol. 2 or when they de-aged Michelle Pfeiffer for three minutes at the beginning of Ant-Man and the Wasp. Do we see a pattern emerging?
This tech works fine when it’s used for three minutes at the beginning of a movie, but when used throughout an entire movie as it was here, it seems off. It’s distracting to see a visibly young looking Samuel L. Jackson move, run, and fight because he moves, runs, and fights like the 70-year old man that he is. This is why I’m terrified of Scorsese’s upcoming flick The Irishman. I’m sure the cgi used to de-age De Niro, Pacino, Pesci, and Keitel will look alright, but they’re going to move like old ass men, which they are.
Anyway, if you came here looking for a discussion of Captain Marvel, I have failed you, but I think we all learned something today. Computer generated youthinization only works for three minutes at the beginning of a movie. Unless that movie is Tron: Legacy. That young Jeff Bridges still gives me nightmares.
Captain Marvel is available now on DVD, Blu-ray, 4K Blu-ray, On Demand, and probably on Betamax as well, for you last remaining holdouts.
It’s a trick question. You can’t. No one can. JK. Dublin’s National Wax Museum Plus is receiving widespread criticism for its new statue of the Game of Thrones character Daenerys Targaryen, played by Emilia Clarke. A detail that you wouldn’t pick up on if you were to go by the statue itself. While I wouldn’t kick wax Daenerys Targaryen out of bed, I think we can all agree its creator isn’t a fan of the show and in fact might have accidentally modeled his masterpiece on Google Image search results for “Random woman with blonde hair who doesn’t look like Emilia Clarke.”
In order to celebrate whatever the hell this is, I’ve thrown some of Emilia Clarke’s hottest nude shots yet from Game of Thrones in the gallery. I mixed in her doppelganger to give you a little scare every few pics. Because I furking can.
Photo Credit: MEGA, HBO via Mr. Skin
Just when you think you might have seen it all, along comes a movie built around a pun staring us all in the face. In the grand tradition of Snakes on a Plane and Attack of the Killer Tomatoes, the new flick The VelociPastor is offering up exactly what the title promises. A priest is grief stricken over the death of his parents, travels to China, something something something, now he’s a dinosaur.
But that’s not where VelociPastor hangs its hat. It’s not enough that he turns into a dinosaur, he must be convinced by a hooker—with a presumable heart of gold—to fight crime. And ninjas. Not kidding, it’s all there in the trailer. While obviously a low budget affair, I love this trailer’s whole aesthetic. They’re clearly going for a nouveau grindhouse feel similar to the hugely underrated Hobo with a Shotgun.
This flick may also well have the greatest tagline in history… “Welcome to the Christ-aceous period.” I mean, just when you think the pun in the title is the ace up its sleeve, this movie turns around and kicks you square in the nuts. So far the flick has only screened at festivals in The Netherlands and France, further proof that Europeans are far more cultured than we.
Keep your eyes peeled for The VelociPastor to show up somewhere stateside at some point.
If you braved the elements this past January to go see M. Night Shyamalan’s latest suicidal career swan dive Glass, then you know that the infamous writer/director has nothing left up his sleeve. Glass was a film that punished anyone in the audience that actually had the gaul to like Unbreakable and Split, teasing them with a tantalizing set-up that brought all three of the series’ main characters together, and then squandering virtually every ounce of potential that premise provided.
Now, this is not to say the film is without merit, as the newest Honest Trailer from the good folks over at Screen Junkies is also willing to point out, it’s just that the film’s “grand plan” so to speak wouldn’t work in the real world. The viral campaign at the end of the film, meant to be a triumphant moment, would be greeted with everything ranging from a healthy skepticism to outright dismissal. As much as that ending is supposed to make us think that Mr. Glass actually won in the end, the film and its creator ultimately have too much faith in humanity, particularly in the internet age.
The bit about PCP was pretty great though, wasn’t it? Anyways, check out Glass on DVD, Blu-ray, or Digital HD, or don’t. Honestly, if you liked Unbreakable and Split and still haven’t seen Glass, I would say you’re good.
Besides a handful of episodes of Parks & Recreation and a failed TV pilot titled Dumb Prince, Amy Poehler hasn’t done much directing in her career. That’s about to change in a big way as she steps behind the camera—and travels back in front of it—for the new Netflix original comedy film Wine Country.
Poehler’s bringing along a bunch of her friends from SNL including Tina Fey, Maya Rudolph, Ana Gasteyer, and Rachel Dratch for a story about a group of old friends reuniting for their friend’s 50th birthday. Needless to say nothing goes as planned, but this looks a bit more on the serious side than one might expect from all the funny ladies involved. And Jason Schwartzman.
Of course, there’s that worry in the back of your mind that Fey and Poehler have yet to make a funny movie together—both Baby Mama and Sisters were horrendously unfunny considering the level of talent on display—but with all of these talented ladies on board, and Jason Schwartzman, I think this has got a better than average chance at success. Plus it’s on Netflix, so if it sucks, you can just stop watching it.
Wine Country debuts on the streaming platform on Friday May 10.
One of the most enduring independent filmmakers in American cinema history, Jim Jarmusch has been bringing his unique slant on the world to screens since the early 80s. In all that time he’s never worked with a budget of more than $10 million, and as a result, he’s never really had to compromise his vision for anyone or anything.
Actors will line up to work for scale just to work with him, which explains why there are so many recognizable faces in his latest film, The Dead Don’t Die. I never knew that I needed Jarmusch’s take on the zombie film, though I suppose I never knew that I needed his take on samurai or vampire movies until I saw Ghost Dog and Only Lovers Left Alive.
Jarmusch regulars Adam Driver and Bill Murray co-star as cops in a town where a zombie outbreak is occurring and they have to take down the armies of undead with the help of some locals including Steve Buscemi, Chloë Sevigny, Danny Glover, Caleb Landry Jones (whom I embarrassingly thought was Joan Cusack at first glance), Rosie Perez, Iggy Pop, Carol Kane, RZA, Selena Gomez, Tom Waits, and a sword-wielding Tilda Swinton.
Yeah, there’s no way I’m not there opening night for this one, which is currently scheduled for Friday June 14.
In addition to being a box office juggernaut over this past winter, Aquaman was a balls-to-the-wall non-stop action spectacle that kept going because if you stopped to think about any of it for more than five seconds, it would all fall apart. When assembling their latest Honest Trailer, the good folks over at Screen Junkies knew this better than anyone, leading to one of their funniest efforts.
There is simply no other course of action for a critique of Aquaman than to give in to its many charms and just go along for the ride. It is one of the most insane things I have ever seen in a movie theater, and they’ve done a pretty bang-up job of explaining why this movie felt like fifteen movies all happening at the same time.
Make sure you stick around for the montage of Patrick Wilson screaming, which is one of the funniest things you’ll see today, along with the explosion interruption montage that follows. And if you haven’t seen Aquaman yet, do yourself a favor and catch up with one of the most bugnuts, bonkers blockbusters to ever hit the screen. I don’t know if Aquaman is a good movie, but it’s certainly the “most” movie I’ve seen in years.
High School Mayhem Abounds in Red Band Trailer for Olivia Wilde’s Directorial Debut ‘Booksmart’ (VIDEO)
Ever since they started allowing women to direct movies a few years ago, many actresses have taken the plunge into directing, the latest being Olivia Wilde. Ms. Wilde’s feature directorial debut, Booksmart, seems to live up to her last name, featuring two scholarly teens who decide to finally cut loose in the final days of high school.
No, that’s not Jonah Hill in a wig, as I thought when I first saw Beanie Feldstein in Lady Bird, it’s his sister. That looks just like him. She’s joined by Last Man Standing‘s Kaitlyn Dever in the lead roles of the aforementioned teens ready to cut loose. If anything at all, the flick resembles Hill’s own breakout film Superbad, which is all the stranger considering his doppelgänger stars in it.
There are some legitimate laughs here, including Jason Sudeikis playing an asshole principal, and Lisa Kudrow and Will Forte as Dever’s super understanding parents who are downright beside themselves to have a lesbian for a daughter. If this catches on like Superbad, don’t be surprised if there’s like a hundred more movies just like this over the next four years.
Booksmart opens in theaters across North America on May 24, the same day as that god awful looking live-action Aladdin directed by Guy Ritichie.
The “foul mouthed pre-teen” genre more or less went away with the 80s, a time when kids swearing and getting up to no good on film happened on the regular. Leave it to Seth Rogen and his friend and writing/producing partner Evan Goldberg (Superbad, Sausage Party) to bring back that glorious time with their new film Good Boys.
Directed by The Office veteran Gene Stupnitsky, making his feature directorial debut, the film follows the exploits of middle schoolers Max (Room‘s Jacob Tremblay) and his two buddies played by Brady Noon (Boardwalk Empire) and Keith L. Williams (The Last Man on Earth) as they ditch school for the day. Along the way they get in to all manner of R-rated shenanigans that are, as we’re reminded in the trailer’s cold open, for adults only.
Essentially, if you’re looking for Superbad but with middle schoolers, this is the movie for you. It’s hard to say if it’ll actually be successful in pulling off the risky gambit of having pre-teens swear a lot, but it seems Rogen is the guy to do it well. We’ve got a bit of a wait before we’ll be able to tell if it’s any good as Good Boys opens in North America on August 16.
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It’s Valentine’s Day, and we’re celebrating by following Cupid’s arrow all the way to where the sun don’t shine. Taylor Swift is the kind of guy’s guy who can kick back, down a brewski, and throw about the pigskin with the boys, yet is also a killer with the ladies. So it’s no wonder that she’s allegedly (according to us, and other people, but mostly us) dated some of the sexiest models and starlets in Hollywood!
If you want a detailed rundown of Swift’s ALLEGED lesbionic history, you can head here. Basically she broke her first girlfriend Emily Poe’s heart to make way for her transactional publicity stunt beard relationships with guys like Joe Jonas, Tom Hiddleston, John Mayer, etc. But then Karlie Kloss came along. And it doesn’t take a Wix website to see Kloss’ sex appeal.
The two hit it off in blonde Amazonian bombshell fashion, however, Kloss wasn’t the only one to leave her droplets on Swift’s guitar. Swift and her famed “squad” (code for harem, anyone?) will leave you with a wad, so hit the gallery for looks at all of Swift’s sexiest ALLEGED girlfriends, and let us know which chick you’re going to Shake It Off to in the comments. ALLEGEDLY.
Photo Credit: Getty Images, Mr. Skin
Welcome to Africa, idiot
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Netflix claims that 80 million households have watched their original film Bird Box, yet somehow I don’t know a soul who has actually sat down and watched it beginning to end. Nevertheless, it’s a bonafide phenomenon now, which means the folks over at Screen Junkies have turned it into their latest Honest Trailer.
Having not seen the film myself, I don’t know if this is a decent takedown, but I do know that it reinforces why I haven’t watched it yet. It’s nothing that hasn’t been done better in a dozen other similar movies. Not only that, this same basic premise was more or less done perfectly earlier last year with A Quiet Place.
I understand the thought process behind watching a Netflix Original: you don’t have to leave the house, it doesn’t cost anything to watch, etc. However, until they really start investing in quality properties, they’re just going to strike gold at random intervals, as they have been.
As much as I love Sandy Bullock and appreciate her as an actress, this looked like a direct-to-Redbox dud that must’ve only appealed to her because of the literal dump truck full of money they drove up to her house. If you’re one of the households in America that hasn’t seen Bird Box yet, it’s on Netflix. Go watch it. Or don’t, I don’t care.
Seriously, don’t mess with Keanu
Like the saying goes, if at first you don’t succeed, try something else
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We don’t need a Silence of the Lambs remake, but if someone wants to cast Louis C.K. as Miggs, it might get my blessing.
Provided you don’t watch all the way to the end, this is very impressive
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Shane Black’s The Predator could have been a great guilty pleasure had it not gone off the rails in the absurdly stupid third act. The film was clearly the victim of studio meddling, likely brought on by poor test audience scores, and you can tell. Black just sort of stops caring right around the time when all of the film’s main characters are running through the woods in the final twenty minutes.
Screen Junkies‘ latest Honest Trailer takes the film to task for taking a stupid pill, pointing out the film’s many problems, not least of which is the way they killed off Sterling K. Brown’s character rather unceremoniously. Seriously, both people I went to see this with stopped paying attention for five seconds and missed his death. That’s just sloppy filmmaking.
Don’t get me wrong, it was far from the worst movie I saw last year—that honor goes to The Happytime Murders—but as they said, all we needed from this movie was Predators vs. Badass Mercs. That’s all we needed. This movie got bogged down in some of the dumbest shit of all time, and while I can’t help but wonder what the film would’ve looked like before the studio meddling, there’s some stupid stuff in this movie that would’ve still been there, guaranteed.
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My heart breaks for him, but I can’t help laughing once he takes that vet tech for a ride
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