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Nina Agdal’s ‘Fuck Off’ Crop Top Photos Will Get You Through The Week

What is Nina thinking using such profanity during a photo shoot? Anybody looking at these pics at work could find themselves being hauled down to HR because she decided to put the F-bomb in big letters on the front of her little crop top. I am sure the underwear and underboob would have been acceptable to any prying eyes, but cusswords are one offense too far.

I just do not understand why Ms. Agdal would betray her fans like this. Is being edgy really that important in todays age? And if it is, aren’t there other, more respectable ways to exhibit it?

She could have chosen to smoke a cigarette and then thrown the butt on the ground. Hardly anyone smokes anymore, and everyone despises littering, so I think that would have been sure to give her the bad girl persona she so desperately wants. I still have not been able to redeem myself in the eyes of my mother when she caught me smoking as a kid. You’d have thought she caught me clubbing baby seals with the way she reacted. I mean, I get that I shouldn’t have been smoking meth, but I think she should be over it by now.

 

[The Best Bikini Hot Shots Right Here]

Photo Credit: Instagram / MEGA / Backgrid USA 

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Singer Saweetie Shines In Gold Showcasing Her Faptastic Cleavage

If Saweetie keeps up with her current trajectory someday she will be able to afford an outfit made out of actual gold. It wouldn’t be the most comfortable thing in the world, but it would get your message out, and in the end isn’t that more important?

What’s the point of being a successful singer if people don’t know what your expendable income is like? At that point you might as well have never got into the business. There are millions of musicians living in poverty and I’d be damned if I let myself get roped in with that lot.

I think that was partially Saweetie’s thinking when she chose that gold outfit. It’s like when an athlete writes down their goals and tapes them in their bedroom. That way they are always being reminded of them. And when Saweetie puts on that shimmering getup she can maintain her motivation. Granted, she might never wear this one again, but sometimes all you need is motivation for one night.

 

 

Photo Credit: Backgrid USA / Instagram 

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F-Cup Beauty Charlotte McKinney Offers Her Amazing Figure To Model Lingerie

When you think about things that just go great together, you think peanut butter and jelly, biscuits and gravy, and Charlotte McKinney and lingerie. Those are like the top three examples that I think pop into most everyone’s head when they think about things that go great together.

It’s strange that Charlotte McKinney and lingerie aren’t a bigger deal though. One would think that putting a gorgeous woman like Charlotte McKinney in some gorgeous looking lingerie would double everyone’s fun, but it’s not often enough that we see this all-time great combination.

Are the people in the peanut butter and jelly industry trying to keep us from learning about Charlotte McKinney and lingerie? Is big biscuits and gravy behind this nefarious cover-up? I can’t think of anyone else that might want to keep Charlotte McKinney and lingerie far apart.

I feel that some glorious day in the future, when someone says, “Two great things that go great together” that they’ll be referring to Charlotte McKinney and lingerie. It’s sort of the gold standard for great things that go great together. Someone, print up a t-shirt, that’s how these movements get started.

[Go See All The Hottest Shots From Charlotte McKinney Right Here]

Photo Credit: MEGA 

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Irina Shayk Is Pouty And Perfect In These Must-See Model Shots

It seems when I opened my big book of synonyms to study from, I just happened to instantly stumble across one of my favorite words, perfection, and next to it was a picture of Irina Shayk. I feel that this was in no way a misprint, mistake, or error. And her beauty is too much to put into words, so a single photograph does work. Naysayers will accuse me of cutting her picture out and posting it next to the word perfection, but I haven’t told a lie since my aunt asked if I ate all of my nephew’s birthday cake that I was supposed to bring to the party. I showed up birthday cake-less and told her I had dropped the thing on the way over but really I had inhaled it. It just looked too good sitting in the passenger seat, sort of like how I imagine Irina would also look sitting in my passenger seat. Something like a perfect six to eight servings of sweet sweet cake.

I don’t know where she’s from but I’ve seen women that look like her in my imagination. I wonder if they’re giving girls from there passports now because she seems like she’s too good to be true. Imagine that. The woman of my fantasy is now a reality and standing before me in some of the most eye opening outfits I ever did see. Somebody please pinch me, I need to make sure I’m not dreaming.

 

Photo Credit: MEGA 

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EmRata’s Scandalously Small Bikini In Gorgeous Photo Shoot Candids

Man, no one, but no one can get into the headlines as consistently and for as good a reason as Emily Ratajkowski. Whenever she’s in the headline, it’s because she did something sexy. She’s not in the headlines because they’re dedicating a new wing to a children’s hospital in her honor. She’s not in the headlines because she discovered the cure for the common cold.

No, Emily Ratajkowski is in the headlines for being sexy. Always, all the time, it’s always because she did something or just was sexy out somewhere. She’s like a headline machine for sexiness. She’s not like the Kardashians who make headlines because they took a shit in the shape of the Virgin Mary or started a new line of underwear for women with exceptionally large asses.

No, Emily’s different. She’s only grabbing headlines because she’s grabbing our attention. I like that, there’s no expectation of a transaction involved the way there is with a Kardashian. They’re like, “Made you look, now spend fifty dollars on crap you don’t need.”

So rest assured, when you see Emily Ratajkowski’s name in a headline, a sexy time is sure to follow. No strings attached… except maybe bikini strings. But that’s only once in a while.

Photo Credit: MEGA

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Women of The Year: Amber Heard, Karlie Kloss, Ashley Graham, and The Sexiest Ladies From The Glamour 2018 Awards

Did you know that Glamour honored the Women of the Year for 2018 last night? Me neither! I guess we’re united in our ignorance of things that matter to women. Well, fear not because we’ve got a recap of all the hot women being honored for their achievements other than being hot. We will now balance out that by objectifying them.

You’ll notice lots of conservatively dressed ladies here like Lili Reinhart and Karlie Kloss, both of whom look hot, but both of whom decided to play things a bit close to the breast… vest. You know what’s up.

Amber Heard knows what’s up, too, as she showed plenty of cleavage with her dress. Seeing Lili Reinhart from another angle shows that she may be showing off more than I initially gave her credit for, which is always a good thing. Claire Danes is keeping things mom-chic for the evening, good for her.

Padma Lakshmi’s looking great, though Alicia Silverstone’s disco suit makes her look like she just came from a Saturday Night Fever anniversary screening. Ashley Graham might steal the show with her highlighter yellow pants, though. Someone’s fashion designer has clearly been taking copious notes.

Photo Credit: Backgrid USA / Instagram 

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Let’s Catch Up On All of Lindsey Pelas’ Big Gigantic Cleavage Pics

I was always told the proportions of Jessica Rabbit were impossible on a human body and that drawings like that did nothing but further skew male’s expectations for females. Clearly, the only people skewing my expectations were the lazy sacks who never even tried.

Now that Lindsey proved to us that she is possible I hope she inspires other women to break free from the mold of “realistic expectations”. There was a time when we didn’t think running a mile in under four minutes was possible either, but now people do it on the regular. I don’t do it because I don’t feel like it, but now I know it is possible.

Maybe in the near future Lindsey will not be an anomaly and she will instead be the standard. It’s a beautiful thought. So long as she continues to take her selfless selfies as motivators for the rest of the world I think there is a chance. But it is up to us to spend countless hours on social media so that we can remember Lindsey and women like her. If we forget her then her sacrifices will have been for nothing.

 

[All The Sexiest Stuff From Lindsey Pelas Right Here]

Photo Credit: Instagram / MEGA 

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Farrah Abraham All Smiles In Shimmering, Busty Bikini

Of course Farrah Abraham was all smiles this weekend. You see, once upon a time, everyone’s favorite Teen Mom was supposed to have a charity boxing match this weekend, but then that all went to hell and she spent the weekend soaking up the sun in a bikini.

If that’s not a win, I don’t know what is. If you had the choice between hanging out at the beach in paradise or pummeling some other third rate “celebrity” in a ring somewhere, you’d be in a speedo faster than I could say TKO.

Don’t pretend this wasn’t a genius marketing move on Farrah’s part. She gets to not do the thing she said she was gonna do and she still gets publicity on the day she decided not to do it. If that’s not landing on your feet, then I don’t know what is.

Farrah does seem to have that cat-like ability to always land on her feet, which is good for her. Not everyone is so fortunate in this world. Lots of women thought they were cats and turned out to be… some other animal that doesn’t land on its feet. Good for Farrah, always keeping things cat real.

[All The Rest Of These Farrah Abraham Busty Hot Shots Right Here]

Photo Credit: MEGA 

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Check Out The Sexiest Celeb Red Carpet Cleavage From The 2018 People’s Choice Awards

The People’s Choice Awards were held last night and though those who accepted awards last night will tell you that this is the award that “matters the most,” they’re lying. This award is meaningless, but it does give us another chance to ogle hot celebs on the red carpet.

First up is Aisha Jade, who is showing tons of cleavage in what looks like a homemade dress from the early 80s. Then we’ve got Cathy Kelley, who favors her left breast since that’s the one with more exposure. They’re followed by Mila Kunis, who looks great as always!

Christina Hendricks covered up way too much of her cleavage, which really sucks, but Emeraude Toubia is coming in hot next followed closely by Lala Kent! That’s a trifecta of sexy from which I may not recover any time soon.

And I make a quick recovery thanks to Stassi Schroeder’s beaucoup cleavage, Kat Graham’s peekaboo delights, and there’s over a dozen more beauties for you to discover! Sound off in the comments section below with your favorite or some random misogynistic comment, like I know you guys like to do. This way I can appear to be forward thinking, which is always nice for me come review time.

Photo Credit: Backgrid USA / MEGA 

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Tallia Storm’s Cleavage Show In Extra Low Cut Dress

If Tallia Storm keeps on wearing outfits like this it is only a matter of time before she winds up on All Stars. One cannot expect a dress with a neckline that plunges as deep as that to keep her goods contained any more than a fisherman can expect to draw in a bunch of fish if there is a hole in the net. Granted, they would get a couple of small fish for their bounty, but Tallia’s goodies hardly count as small fish. Keeping that neckline in place probably requires a whole roll of industrial strength double-sided tape.

For some odd reason tape is still scarcely used in the male fashion world. Sure, drag queens have been utilizing it for decades, but us vanilla folks have yet to catch on. We still rely on jock straps to do our dirty work, or else we let the buffalo roam wherever they please.

No one asked us to be so extreme with our choices. No one wanted us to be. And yet here we are, volunteering our unsolicited services to a metaphorical soup kitchen of fashion mishaps.

 

 

Photo Credit: Backgrid USA

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Carmen Valentina Flaunts Her Sandy Cheeks In Sextastic Beachside Candids

I do not know where Carmen Valentina gets the entitlement to think that she can where a bathing suit like that in a public and not be harassed, but I blame her parenting. Her father is probably a cop and her mother is likely a grizzly bear. And I’m talking about a little grizzly bear. That combo probably made it so that a teenaged Carmen was able to wear whatever she wanted with no repercussions, so long as her father was on her side and the grizzly was well trained.

I know of certain cultures that have their women wear special braces from childhood in order to elongate their necks. I think something similar happened with Carmen because there is no other rational reason for her waist to be so small in comparison to the rest of her body. She must have been wearing a XXXS corset since she was ten in order to keep that figure.

I would think that undergoing something like that would leave her core weak, but she seems to have no trouble keeping herself upright without assistance. That is more than I can say for myself, and I have never even worn a corset.

 

 

Photo Credit: Backgrid USA 

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Tiny Bikini Aubrey Evans Pumps Her Hot Rod And Shows Her Hot Bod

There are two things that have always caught my attention since I was old enough to tie my own shoes. And that is hot cars and hot women. When the two come together it is the most holiest of matrimonies. Aubrey Evans looks nothing less than angelic sitting in the driver’s seat of a hot rod. Times like these is what makes me wish had I taken up training in the gas attendant arts. I’d place my hose in her tank properly, ensuring zero drippage as I fill her up. I know a hot lady like her could use a helping hand and I’m all too willing to give her one.

It’s safe to assume that Aubrey is my dream woman. I swear I had a poster of a hot lady in a hot rod in a similar position and outfit. Right now, everything about her is speaking to my inner child. I think I would like to get a closer look just so I can hear her better. I have a box full of cassette tapes if she’s looking for a road-trip buddy. I can be the one to get out and buy a bottle of soda and chips every 75 miles. After eyeing that hot bod and hot rod, I think my purpose in life has always been to make Aubrey’s life more convenient. It’s unquestionably my calling.

[Go See Her Sexiness In A Lace Bra]

Photo Credit: Backgrid USA 

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Sarah Hyland’s Rock Hard Nipples Won’t Be Denied

There’s only one good thing about cold weather, hard nips. Everything else about winter and the cold can go suck a tailpipe. But even though I hate the cold with every fiber of my being, I’ll always be thankful for it because without we wouldn’t get to see Sarah Hyland with some super hard nipples.

It’s hard to believe that it would be cold enough in warm, sunny Los Angeles for Sarah Hyland to have hard nips, but maybe she’s on vacation somewhere a bit colder. You know, when you live in one place long enough you get used to the temp. What once found cold is normal, what you used to complain about is now room temperature. I can’t say for sure what’s up with Sarah Hyland and her location, but I can say I’m how glad I am that she left the bra at home. Hey, she might be wearing a bra, you know. Her nipples might just be that power they can show through a bra when she’s chilly. That’s kind of cool.

I’m with all you, cold weather sucks, but without it the would be crappy. Yeah, I know nature and all that needs the weather, but I’m just concerned with the Sarah Hyland pokies.

[Sarah Hyland’s Very Hottest Shots Right Over Here]

Photo Credit: Splash News / Backgrid USA 

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Lisa Appleton’s Big Giant Swimsuit Cleavage

It is a bold move by Lisa Appleton to bring that glass of wine out there with no protection. It is only a matter of time before some sand gets in there and almost ruins it. Of course, any self-respecting wino will not let that deter them from still crushing the glass. They’d simply clench their teeth together as an impromptu filter, and any sand that does get through would be excused away as being good for digestion.

I have heard that some animals swallow stones to help break down their food. I do not know if that applies to humans, but it seems like a human rights violation if it doesn’t. Who is nature to tell me that eating rocks is bad? I don’t remember voting it into office.

Now, I’m not saying that Lisa is a wino, but she might be frugal so letting something go to waste just wouldn’t be in the cards. And sand should be the least of her worries. There is a whole ocean out there filled with fish-piss soaked water and all it wants to do is get everywhere that you don’t want it. That is why we get so much flooding. If Lisa lets her guard down she’ll find that wine glass turned into a fish bowl of filth.

 

 

Photo Credit: Backgrid USA 

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Blonde Bikini Girl Alysia Kaempf Flaunts Her Perfect Body In Curvy Photos

Alysia Kaempf can feel free to crash my party anytime. Because it really isn’t a party until she shows up. I don’t throw too many shin digs these days because there really isn’t too much to celebrate when you’re living out in the sticks. But after seeing the body that Alysia is working with, it’s officially time to break out the balloons. Maybe even some confetti and a couple of party time caps. I hope she likes to boogie on the beach because I plan on bringing some amazing tunes.

It may be impossible to find a woman that’s steamier than Kaempf. She’s hotter than an overheated radiator completely deprived of coolant. I’m pretty sure that’s the reason why she’s chugging down so much water and sitting on the edge of the ocean. With a hot chassis like that, she has to constantly keep cool or risk a meltdown. I want to be her water-boy. I’d make sure she’d never need to ask for a refill as long as I’m around. I’d even bring a portable fan along just incase the breeze slows down. And if the batteries ran out I’d blow until I turned blue. Anything to keep her happy.

 

Photo Credit: Backgrid USA 

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Emily Ratajkowski’s Busty Braless Crop Top Steals The Show At Lakers Game

With all the hype around LeBron coming to the Lakers, there’s been no shortage of people coming to games to get some attention, and I personally couldn’t be happier that Emily Ratajkowski is the latest to get in on the trend. Emily recently caught a game and everyone’s attention by going braless in a white crop top.

If this were twenty years ago, she probably wouldn’t have made it past Nicholson. He’d have cocked an eyebrow and she’d have been his and we’d never see her again. Now that Jack’s not a factor, however, we and the entire crowd got to enjoy her outfit.

Hopefully it wasn’t a distraction for LeBron, lord knows the Lakers don’t need to be playing any worse than they already are. On the other hand, perhaps just Emily Ratajkowski’s being there brought an electricity to the place that hasn’t been present yet this season.

Anyway, I’m happy Emily took in the Lakers game, as I’m sure you and all the people in attendance are as well. There’s something magical about her breasts and I’m glad she chooses to show them off as often as possible. I think that’s at least part of their magic.

[Go See The Hottest EmRata Bikini Pics Over Here]

Photo Credit: Backgrid USA / Splash News 

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Courtney Stodden Loving Her Own Curves In Neon Bikini

Can you really blame Courtney Stodden? I can’t think of one single reason to be mad or surprised or shocked that Courtney Stodden is snapping a selfie of her awesome cleavage. She’s got some great cleavage, that bikini is blowing my mind, and if I was there I would want to take a picture of Courtney Stodden’s awesome bikini body.

I know people who take selfies can be annoying, mostly I find it annoying when they take more than two. If you can’t get it right after two, you ain’t going to get it right at all. On the other hand if Courtney Stodden in her neon bikini and awesome cleavage wants to take 500 selfies, then go right ahead. Heck, if her arms get tired from holding up her camera she can always do the timer or find a very lucky person to snap some pics for her. I know if I was walking by I’d be honored to snap pics of Courtney Stodden in a bikini. Of course, I’d have to ask to take one with her, but that would be after I wake from passing out due to Courtney Stodden in a bikini being near me.

You take those bikini selfies Courtney Stodden, As long as you remember to post a bunch of bikini selfies online, no one is going to be bothered by you snapping away. In fact, I would bet we’d be asking for more, more, more Courtney Stodden bikini selfies.

[Courtney Stodden’s Hottest Pictures Right Over Here]

Photo Credit: MEGA 

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Zara McDermott’s Extra Sexy Bust And Underboob In Tiny Striped Bikini Top

Well this is just ridiculous. Thanksgiving is still weeks away and here Zara McDermott is busting out her candy cane themed clothing, and spitting in the face of everything our pilgrims worked for. I am speaking about metaphorical spit, obviously. The last pilgrim died long ago after the invention of the martini, if I am not mistaken.

Zara fitting her boobs into that bikini is the equivalent to a child forcing the square block through the round hole on the shapes board. It shouldn’t be possible. I’m not sure how either managed it. But the evidence speaks for itself, so I might as well get past it and hurry along with being impressed.

I think Zara has figured out a functional way to use a corset. By wearing a tight bikini she gets all of the benefits of the stomach crushing device, without the negatives. She still gets the gobsmacking cleavage, and the high-waisted bottoms accentuate her hips, but she doesn’t have to deal with the minor inconvenience of not being able to breathe. Apparently some find this to be an optional ability and I am the weird one for valuing it so highly, but I still think it has its usefulness.

 

 

Photo Credit: Backgrid USA / Instagram 

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Kim Kardashian’s Busty Satin Dress Showcases Her A-Lister Cleavage

Kim Kardashian is the kind of woman that was birthed in one of your most beautiful dreams. She’s a living, breathing example of thoughts becoming reality. And reality is oh so lovely. She looks smoother than silk in her satin dress. I’m not even sure if there are any limits as to how far I would go just to accidentally brush up against her shoulder. I’d be fine with going into debt forever just for one feel. She’s priceless, but I’d still toss as much money as possible to convince her to let me touch just once.

I wish there was a way to measure how good Kim looks. Because I’m eyeballing it at the moment, and my guesstimation is somewhere between too hot and full on smoke show. And the satin only makes everything better of course. I’m crazy for Kim. Her other sisters are very nice as well, but I don’t know if they’re as committed to wearing the same silky looking outfits as Kim. Kim goes above and beyond. That’s why she’s in the lead as the hottest at the moment. She should feel free to come pick up her prize at my house. I’ve made a personalized trophy just for her.

[Kim K’s Elephant Adventure Right Here]

Photo Credit: Splash News / Backgrid USA 

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HAPPY BIRTHDAY: Emma Stone’s Sexiest Movie Scenes From “The House Bunny” And More For Her Special Day!

Ravishing redhead Emma Stone is no longer one of the hottest actresses under 30. But don’t fret, that’s only because she turns 30 today! The husky voiced beauty has made quite an impression over the last decade as her star has risen from unknown scene stealer in films like Superbad and The House Bunny, to leading lady in Easy A, and now Oscar winner thanks to her role in La La Land.

Emma never fails to turn heads with her sexy roles on film as well as her incredibly poised and scintillating red carpet appearances. She’s one of those women you can count on to be sexy on screen and off. It’s not the easiest feat in the world to pull off, but she does it with aplomb. No wonder she’s one of the most respected and celebrated actresses working in the film industry right now.

There’s one last frontier for Emma to conquer, and that’s on-screen nudity. It starts later this month with the release of Yorgos Lanthimos’ The Favourite, in which Emma makes her topless debut! It’s going to be a great day when that flick comes out, and hopefully the start of another phase in her career!

Photo Credit: Mr. Skin / Instagram  / Getty Images

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Victoria’s Secret Angel Elsa Hosk Chosen To Model The Million Dollar Fantasy Bra

I wonder if the stress of modeling ever gets to them. I know it all seems glamorous, and that wearing a million dollar piece of clothing would sound like a dream, but I do not think I would like it. I can’t trust myself with that type of responsibility. There is a reason why I wear generic clothing, and it is because I have a tendency to ruin things.

I like my hamburgers with lots of mustard. That isn’t a crime, but it does have its drawbacks. Especially when I eat like the Tasmanian Devil when he goes off his meds. After I got done with the million dollar bra Victoria’s Secret would be lucky to get fifty grand for it.

And then there is the inherent risk involved with being around things that are expensive. Naturally that makes you a target for crime. Fencing a million dollar bra might be difficult, but I doubt that will deter thieves from trying. Even if they are able to sell it for a third of the price they will have made a handsome profit. That is why I want all nice things to be kept far from me. Best case scenario is me being used as a human shield while they try to get Elsa and her bra to the getaway car.

 

[Check Out The Rest Of Elsa Hosk’s Hottest Shots Right Over Here]

Photo Credit: Splash News 

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Let’s Take A Brief Tour of Lindsey Pelas’ Faptastic Giant Cleavage

I have never seen any evidence of this, but I have heard that there are men out there who are fond of large breasts. If this is really true than all ten of them are probably big fans of Lindsey Pelas. Her boobs are slightly larger than average, right? I do not have the statistics in front of me at the moment in order to verify that. Although, it is possible that she is just really small and by comparison her boobs would only be average in size. It might just be due to a deceiving perspective that she appears to moderately large mammaries.

I sure hope that all of the men out there who are into boobs discover Lindsey. Right now they are underserved demographic on the internet. Thirty years ago they would have been in heaven, but times have changed. Vintage Playboy pics can only satisfy a person for so long. Eventually they will need new content, and thankfully Lindsey is around to provide just that. Now, if only a shining star that has a big ass would be so kind as to make themselves visible we could quench the thirst of a couple dozen other people.

 

[The Best Stuff From Lindsey Pelas Right Over Here]

Photo Credit: Instagram / MEGA 

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Playmate Ana Braga Bares Her Busty Cleavage To Celebrate The Chicago Bears

Did you guys know that Ana Braga was a Bears fan? Yeah, me neither. Here I am hanging out in Chicago lo these many years, blissfully unaware that the sexy, busty beauty Ana Braga was flying her flag for my city’s football team.

Her latest get-up might not be the best thing to wear to a game at Soldier Field, though. That place gets super duper freezing cold in these late Fall and early Winter months, and she’d probably only last a couple of minutes without having to bundle up.

I think I speak for everyone when I say that she should never cover up. I mean, Ana Braga should definitely bundle up when she gets cold, but she’s a warm weather beauty who loves to show off her love for the Bears in the skimpiest outfit possible.

I suppose it makes life better to know that Bears fans are spread all across the country—and the globe, for that matter. I’ll happily check out whatever other Bears related sexy outfits Ana Braga wants to sport this season. She’s far too sexy to come to Chicago and bundle up, so keep that flag flying in warmer climes, Ana!

[A Whole Lot More Sexiness From Ana Braga Over Here]

Photo Credit: Splash News 

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Alessandra Ambrosio Skips Victoria’s Secret Show For Nippley Swimsuit and an Extra Tiny Thong

Alessandra Ambrosio is one of the most perfectly put together women on the planet, and if you doubt that statement, I present to you these amazing beach pics of the Victoria’s Secret beauty soaking up the sun in a teeny bikini. The kind of bikini that can only be worn by a woman with an impossibly perfect set of body measurements.

The only thing I question about Alessandra Ambrosio’s choice of bikini is the color. That is one drab ass color for a bikini and one that doesn’t do her incredible body justice. At the same time, it’ll be great later in the week when we can bubble out that hideous dark grey monstrosity and see Alessandra’s best bits.

In honor of this momentous occasion, I think we should revive Jukebox Selects and take a listen to Ambrosia’s “The Biggest Part of Me,” one of the smoothest god damned songs ever written. Alessandra Ambrosio is a smooth ass woman and her name is only one letter removed from one of Southern California’s smoothest bands.

Open the gallery in a new tab and hit play below  for the maximum Ambrosio/Ambrosia goodness!

[All The Best Bikini Hot Shots From Alessandra Ambrosio]

Photo Credit: Backgrid USA 

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Jo Orthey’s AMAZING Bikini Shoot Showcases Her Red Hot Curves

Jo Orthey is carrying around that longboard like a college kid with an electric guitar. We all know it isn’t going to get used, but she is getting a lot of looks just for having it. I think that is for the best. I do not want to risk her hitting a rocky patch in the road and marking up that body. Unless she promises to only ride it when she is following behind street sweepers I don’t want her feet to even touch it.

I suggest that her agent should super glue those wheels so that Jo cannot even give in to the temptation of riding. When your job is to specifically look like you are in mint condition, like you have been in a coma up until the day of the photoshoot, it is pretty reckless to use a longboard as transportation. How much time is it really saving? I have a hard time believing it saves any time. If she ran she would be using two legs. When riding she is only using one. Two is more than one, so running should be faster. That’s just simple math. If she is really in a rush to get somewhere she should take the much faster and safer mode of transportation, hitchhiking.

 

 

Photo Credit: MEGA 

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Snapchat Queen YesJulz Showcases Her Sexy Hips In A Bright Green Bikini

I had no idea that real royalty existed on the Snapchat platform, but now that I know, I couldn’t be more grateful to get a glimpse of the Snapchat queen YesJulz. I’m going to guess that her name is indicator she’s a woman you don’t say no to. I like it. She has my permission to ask me anything and I would fulfill her request without thinking twice. I’m not a cellphone selfie kind of guy. But maybe I should be if women like her send pictures of herself to strangers. I’d love to exchange pics with her.

I’d argue that looking at YesJulz in a mint colored bikini is more refreshing than wrapping your mouth around a mint drop after eating garlic and onions. I get an even better tingly feeling just by observing her. I also see she’s into meditation. Me too. Except the reason for me to clear my mind is so I can focus on thinking about nothing else but her. I don’t even need to do anything fancy like cross my legs and hum. Sometime I just stop and drop whatever I’m doing and her image becomes a welcomed infiltrator inside my cranium.

Photo Credit: MEGA 

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All The Very Best Of: Iggy Azalea’s Controversial Curves In Faptastic Lingerie

A wise man once said, it is not about the quantity of curves belonging to the woman, but the quality of curves belonging to the woman. That wise man may have been my first cousin, or uncle, I can’t really remember, but it is great advice nonetheless. Iggy Azalea’s curves are A-1, 10 out of 10, and 100 percent on every scale that they could be measured. I may not be an official judge of them but I would sure like to be. And I believe I will be one as soon as I know where to sign up to become one. Anything is possible if you set your mind to it. And my mind is set on staring at Iggy for a very, very long time.

I think it’s time for Iggy to admit that her curves are a work of art. Every time I look at them I get inspired. Her body really takes my breath away. A museum would be too small scale for a lady like her. She should look into sharing pictures of her curves on a billboard. That’s something I can get behind. I can’t promise that it won’t cause car accidents but at least more people will be able to appreciate what she has to offer.

 

Photo Credit: Instagram / MEGA 

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Czech Supermodel Eva Herzigova’s Tight European Bod On Display In Lingerie Spread

That butt dimple Eva Herzigova is rocking is out of this world. Normally when a butt cheek is concave the person looks emaciated and sickly looking, but I do not get that at all. This butt dimple makes it look like she is flexing 24/7. If that really is the case then there is no need to waste time wondering how she got so fit. Flexing all the time will do that for you. I on the other hand have to be more strategic about when I flex. If I suck my gut in for too long I will pass out and then I won’t be ready for when a hot girl passes by.

I am curious why the chairs at modeling shoots and film sets have not seen an upgrade in one hundred years. They have been using the same foldable chairs this whole time and we all know they cannot be comfortable. They are a step below the foldable camping chairs that we have all used. Even those have improved over the years. The have leg rests and cup holders. There is no cup holder for Eva. Where would she put her beer if she cared to drink one? It’s a human rights violation, is what it is!

 

 

Photo Credit: MEGA / Instagram 

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Olivia Culpo Greatest Tits Of All Time With A Baby GOAT

You know what I hate? Petting zoos. I don’t really see the point. If I wanted to stand around with cows, goats, chickens, and all their poop, I’d be a farmer. But I don’t want to do that so I don’t have a farm. Yet, I’ve got the sudden urge to visit every farm from coast to coast in the hopes of running into Olivia Culpo and her cleavage.

I’ve got no clue if it’s the goat that is making Olivia Culpo’s look the best it ever has or what. All I can do is sit here with my mouth hanging open because Olivia Culpo might have the GOAT of cleavage. If you don’t know what GOAT means use your computer for something other than pictures of Olivia Culpo and her cleavage. And by that mean, open another tab, you don’t want to miss out on Olivia Culpo’s cleavage. Look it up while you look up at all Olivia Culpo has to offer in the cleavage department.

Do farmers really get beautiful ladies like Olivia Culpo to show up and hold their goats? If that’s the case I might need to buy me a plot of land. Is there a farming timeshare? I really only want to be there when Olivia Culpo and her cleavage show up.

[Check For Yourself If Her Tits Really Are The GOAT]

Photo Credit: Instagram 

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Red Rapunzel

Silje Roos posted a photo:

Red Rapunzel

Taken with Canon EOS 700D.