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The 17 Most Awesome Sword-And-Sorcery Movies Ever Made

Most Awesome Sword-And-Sorcery Movies

With the Conan remake, everyone’s minds turned to the world of sword-and-sorcery, where the muscled and monosyllabic gleefully kill and screw everything that moves, where topless men and women are a fact of life, and where the smallest cut releases blood with the pressure of a firehouse.

These 17 movies are all great sword-and-sorcery flicks. They’re all also bad movies, but that’s not the point! Murder, magic, and mayhem! Wholesale slaughter! Nipples! It’s sword-and-sorcery!

1

Conan the Barbarian

Was there ever any doubt? The whole reason this subgenre of movies exists is because of Conan The Barbarian. Is it a good movie? No, the acting is horrible, Arnold could barely speak English at this point, and the plot makes no sense. Even James Earl Jones calls it in, transforming into a snake for no reason at all right near the end.

Was it incredibly awesome? Oh, fuck yes! Bloody, violent, comedic, and filled with boobs, it was every 13-year-olds dream movie. It had incredible one-liners and some utterly magnificent scenes. A bad movie but a great experience, hands down Conan the Barbarian was the finest sword-and-sorcery film ever made.

2

Willow

I’m a firm believer that George Lucas is at his best when producing, not directing. For example: Willow, directed by Ron Howard. Prior to LotR, arguably the best fantasy film ever made, and the inclusion of a frequently topless Val Kilmer as Madmartigan pushes it firmly into the sword-and-sorcery category.

Sure, Madmartigan isn’t really the hero, but he does the slaying and the fighting and the wooing, and he’s muscly and brawling and everything else you want in a good barbarian warrior.

3

Dragonslayer

Dragonslayer is a sword-and-sorcery film with more sorcery and less sword. Set against the traditional backdrop of an evil dragon who eats virgins, instead of a muscly barbarian slaughtering it, we have a novice mage attempting to stop it.

Far more mature and dark than the vast majority of Disney movies, it also marks the first Disney produced film to have full-frontal nudity, however brief. With incredible action and special effects, it was one of the best dragons to ever make it to the big screen.

4

Legend

Ever wanted to see Tom Cruise showing off a lot of leg? Me neither, but it’s Legend! Legend is such a peculiar movie, a very traditional tale of good and evil, virgins and unicorns, and Tim Curry in the world’s greatest makeup as the Devil. But once you get down to it, there’s a very much sword-and-sorcery core to the story.

A young man, raised in the wilderness, has to arm himself and go rescue a beautiful young lady from a being of unimaginable evil before it brings about the end of the world. Beautiful and haunting, it’s a bit less bloody than some on this list but no less great.

5

Highlander

There are some who say Highlander isn’t sword-and-sorcery, but they are heretical unbelievers. Immortal warriors battling in a magic quest to decapitate one another? With a soundtrack by fucking Queen? That shit is straight-up metal. Yeah, there aren’t many shirtless Hyboreans, but the Kurgan is as barbarian as they come, and wears a skull as a helmet.

Even with its crappy acting and much worse sequels, Highlander is a cult favorite and great movie. No, it doesn’t make much sense, and the show was even worse. That doesn’t stop me loving it totally.

6

The Beastmaster

Somehow, just somehow, The Beastmaster managed to spawn a franchise, with two sequels and a TV show. While it never did very well in the theaters, it became a mainstay of 90s era cable stations, to the point where TBS was nicknamed “The Beastmaster Station”, and HBO as “Hey, Beastmaster is On.”

The weirdest thing about this animal-controlling movie? The “black tiger” was just a tame tiger dyed and/or painted black. It’s painfully obvious, and in some scenes, you can even see the striped showing through. Is it really that hard to find a panther? Rumor has it that this led to the death of the animal, and there are also tales that when the eagle wouldn’t fly, they’d just chuck it out of a hot air balloon! That, my friends, is how you make a movie.

7

Conan the Barbarian 2011

The 2011 version of Conan hasn’t been met with much acclaim, but none of these movies really were. With a budget reported to be $90 million, it only brought in $10 million, which makes it a flop.

In its favor, the deaths are insane! Conan punches someone with a decapitated head! And Jason Momoa looks like he stepped off of a Frazetta painting, with the coal-black hair and short stocky build Conan was actually meant to have. By all accounts, the acting and story are crap, but the action and special effects are amazing: which means this will be a fine entry into the halls of sword-and-sorcery movies.

8

Krull

Am I seriously the only person who sees an issue with a razor-sharp boomerang as a weapon? Okay, fine “glaive”, but a glaive is a polearm, not a magic throwing star. Half sci-fi and half fantasy, evil aliens invade a fantasy world, and it’s up to their prince to find a magic weapon and stop them.

Enter the killing of monsters, tearing of shirts, and much, much bad hair. Krull had a huge budget, with immense sets and full orchestral score, as well as early acting roles for Liam Neeson and Robbie Coltrane, and while it didn’t meet much positive reception from critics or film viewers, it became a firm cult classic.

9

Ladyhawke

Ladyhawke is bordering on a widely watched an enjoyed movie, unlike most of the entries on this list. It was directed by an established director (Richard Donner) and starred known actors: Rutger Hauer, Matthew Broderick, and Michelle Pfeiffer.

Technically, it’s not much of a sword-and-sorcery film, seeing as there are some magic and some swordplay, but mostly everyone stays clothed, no one explodes into a shower of blood, and the people in it can actually act. Nevertheless, I’m keeping it on the list for being an awesome 80s fantasy movie, of which there were too few.

10

The Sword & the Sorcerer

In a list of sword-and-sorcery films, how could I avoid one called “the Sword and the Sorcerer”? It also has one of the world’s stupidest weapons ever conceived, a three-bladed sword that can shoot off its blades. Ah-what?

Anyway, an orphaned prince raised as a warrior, off to seek revenge on the evil king and lich that overthrew his kind father. With lots and lots of stabbing. Variety called the action an “atrocity-a-minute” which is absolutely perfect for the genre. If there isn’t at least one horrible bloody death every 10 minutes, the patrons get restless, though boobs can work too. Strangely enough, a sequel was made starring Kevin Sorbo in 2010.

11

Deathstalker

Deathstalker is one of those “so bad it’s good” movies, in fact, it’s so bad it’s fucking amazing! Shot in Argentina with next to no budget, it road on the coattails of the first Conan film to something vaguely resembling success.

It launched the Z-grade career of Lana Clarkson, who starred as a barbarian warrior who fought only in a g-string and a cloak and was eventually killed by Phil Spector, but I digress. Gratuitously violent, pointlessly filled with nudity, and enough blood to fill a swimming pool, it’s a great entry on this list.

12

Scorpion King

While technically a spinoff of the Mummy movies, Scorpion King is pretty much the closest thing to a true barbarian movie that the 2000s created.

The Rock plays a perfect barbarian warlord king, and come on! Michael Clarke Duncan! It’s the genre distilled down into a pretty pure form: hugely muscley topless mercenary, evil emperor/sorcerer, beautiful priestess, thief sidekick, and lots and lots and lots of stabbing, slashing, decapitating and general swordplay.

Is it a good move? Oh hell no. Is it a good sword-and-sorcery movie? You best believe it. Best watched with junk food and strong booze, and with a violence-based drinking game.

13

Prince of Persia: The Sands of Time

Yeah, we get it, Jake Gyllenhaal doesn’t look Persian at all. If we can ignore that, you get a surprisingly decent sword-and-sorcery film that doesn’t get bogged down in its video game roots. Hell, it’s steeped in all the tropes of the genre — you’ve got a magic weapon, a cursed royal, a beautiful woman, an evil sorcerer. It just about writes itself!

With a huge budget and mind-blowing special effects, it’s sad that it didn’t do well enough to warrant a sequel. A swashbuckling thrill ride, it’s still probably the best video game adaption to hit the big screen — which really isn’t saying much.

14

Dragonheart

I’ve got to confess, I loved this movie growing up. I probably saw it a dozen times in the movies and more on video. Looking back, Dennis Quaid is really, really out of place with his American accent among all the British actors.

It has a surprisingly solid cast, with David Thewlis, Pete Postlethwaite and of course Sean Connery being the best dragon the big screen has ever seen. While the plot may have been clichè, the acting was decent, and the characters memorable — but more than anything else, the special effects were amazing. Knights, dragons, evil magic, german mercenaries, a peasant rebellion! It was a great film!

15

Your Highness

The whole sword-and-sorcery genre has never taken itself too seriously, but it’s rare that it descends completely into parody as it did with the 2011 stoner-fantasy-comedy thing.

Yup, it takes all the favorite jokes from Judd Apatow movies and puts them into a high fantasy setting. It’s all about weed, naked ladies, losing your virginity, and dick jokes. Which isn’t to say it isn’t funny, because it was freaking hilarious, and on occasion, it was a pitch-perfect mockery of fantasy tropes. If you like monster penis, this is your go to stoner comedy.

16

Excalibur

Excalibur has been just about the only attempt to tell a straight, dramatic version of King Arthur. No swapping up time and place, no removing the magic, no comedy. Just telling the legend in the best movie possible and with an incredible cast. It launched the career of Liam Neeson, and starred Helen Mirren and Patrick Stewart.

Visually glorious, it debuted well, though reviews were mixed. So, why isn’t it higher on this list? Well, there’s a sword and there is sorcery, but I wouldn’t call it a sword-and-sorcery film. Far too few topless barbarians and crazy magics for it to do better, I’m afraid.

17

Conan the Destroyer

It seems appropriate that we end with the really, really bad movie in the Conan semi-franchise. Conan the Destroyer was built on the success of its predecessor, but added an all-star barbarian cast.

You had Wilt Chamberlin, Grace Jones, Andrè the Giant and Mako involved! Arnold returning to his (at that time) most famous role! How do you screw this up? Pretty easily it seems. You have Grace Jones incoherently screaming for most of the movie, try and get Chamberlin to act, and you put Andrè the Giant in a monster suit so no-one can see him. They cut down the violence and added more massively-unfunny humor.

It was a flop, and a pale imitation of the original.

The ‘Tiger King’ Biopic Everyone Keeps Talking About is a Real Thing That is Actually Happening

One of the best tweets of all time is Mike Ginn’s famous “My “Not involved in human trafficking” T-shirt has people asking a lot of questions already answered by my shirt.”

I bring this up because the New York Post ran a headline today that said “‘Tiger King’ star Carole Baskin: I did not put my husband in a meat grinder” and I just can’t stop thinking about it. That’s not even the main focus of the show, it’s basically just a subplot. Someone on this show is potentially a Kingsman villain and it isn’t even in the top ten things about this show people won’t shut up about.

There’s going to be another TV show based the Tiger King people, this one a dramatization produced by and starring Kate McKinnon. The project was announced in November, which feels like ten years ago but was actually only about four-and-a-half months ago.

Sylvester Stallone and his family have already dressed up like the personae dramatis of the unbelievable reality show in case you’re wondering what McKinnon’s biopic might look like.

Carole Baskin, who can’t stress enough that she absolutely did not put her husband through a meat grinder and feed him to her exotic cats in a scene reminiscent of the one that pushed Rorschach over the edge in Watchmen is imploring McKinnon not to use real big cats in her production, though. “Real big cats” sounds like a ska band, but I don’t want to listen to it.

I just want to know that the Joe Exotic condoms will be featured in the McKinnon series.

Yeah, that really happened. I’d still vote for him before Joe Biden or Donald Trump, honestly.

The post The ‘Tiger King’ Biopic Everyone Keeps Talking About is a Real Thing That is Actually Happening appeared first on The Blemish.

Sony Just Slaughtered Their Entire Summer Movie Slate

Stay. In. Your. House. Our entire society is restructuring itself in real time so that you can stay inside your house unless you have a really good reason to leave. For example, movie theaters are closed. And even if they were open, they would have nothing to show as studios are pulling releases of movies and shoving them to home video or rescheduling them for next year.

The latest studio to pull movies is Sony and it is an absolute bloodbath; the studio has pushed movies that don’t even have names yet according to The Hollywood Reporter.

Morbius, which was set to hit theaters July 31, is now set to open March 19, 2021. Ghostbusters: Afterlife is moving off of its July 10 release to March 5, 2021, which was previously occupied by the studio’s splashy video game adaptation Uncharted. The latter is now scheduled to debut Oct. 8, 2021, a date that was reserved for an untitled Sony Marvel movie, which now goes undated.

Why are we giving movies dates before names?

The interesting question is where is the line for movies that are going to go straight to VOD, even at that $20 price point for a rental that was worked out for films in the theatrical window. These are all clearly big tentpole movies that Sony wants that theatrical cash from, but they also pushed a Peter Rabbit sequel despite the first movie only making… holy shit, Peter Rabbit made $350 million? That’s almost twice as much as Birds of Prey. And birds of prey eat rabbits!

Eventually, though, these movies are going to have to start making money somehow. Disney is cutting executive pay and their parks are shut down and they’re just sitting on a Marvel movie and a live-action remake that were both scheduled to come out before summer. Sony and other studios are in similar situations and as much as they’re going to want to hold back these films for big theatrical debuts it could be a long time until that’s feasible and they are eventually going to need to start bringing money in.

The post Sony Just Slaughtered Their Entire Summer Movie Slate appeared first on The Blemish.

Rumors Fly That Amber Heard is Getting Fired From ‘Aquaman 2’ Over Domestic Abuse Allegations

When Amber Heard accused Johnny Depp of domestic abuse, Depp lost a lot of work. There were petitions to fire him from the Fantastic Beasts series of Harry Potter prequels and Disney announced that Depp wouldn’t be included in any future Pirates of the Caribbean films. But now the worm has turned and the domestic abuse allegations are on the other foot. Amber Heard has managed to avoid the kind of blowback Depp experienced even though Heard was previously arrested for domestic assault with a different partner.

That may be about to change because there are now rumors that Heard isn’t going to be involved in Aquaman 2. Heard played Mera, the love interest to Jason Momoa’s Aquaman, in the first Aquaman movie as well as in Justice League.

The website Republic World reported the rumors that Warner is looking to be out of the Amber Heard business.

Amber Heard’s ugly breakup might have cost her the role of a DC superhero. There are rumours that the makers of the Jason Momoa starrer are planning to remove Heard from their upcoming project. The recent reports claim that Warner Bros want to be totally out of all these controversies. They are planning to remove Amber as they do not wish for the bad blood to affect their upcoming project. There is also a possibility that her screen time in the film could be deducted for the same.

Okay, this is just a rumor at this point, and we’re at least a year away from the start of filming on Aquaman 2. In the comics, Mera is Aquaman’s wife so I’d guess DC wants to keep her in the films, but Marvel has proven that love interests aren’t all that important to superhero films. Hell, Mary Jane Watson isn’t even in the new Spider-Man films and for some reason they combined Better Brant and Gwen Stacy into a single character and combined her with supporting character Ned Leeds. And DC’s own Arrow killed off Green Arrow’s traditional love interest Black Canary and relaxed her with Felicity Smoak, a supporting character from The Fury of Firestorm that we’re never going to hear about again now that Arrow has ended.

DC has options here is the point. They could wait until Depp’s defamation lawsuit is cleared up in the hopes that she manages to clear her name, the role of Mera could be recast or the character could be discarded altogether to just focus the sequel on Aquaman himself. And it’s just a rumor, it might not even be true. But we can hope.

The post Rumors Fly That Amber Heard is Getting Fired From ‘Aquaman 2’ Over Domestic Abuse Allegations appeared first on The Blemish.

Madison Beer’s Top 9 Movies For You!

I know what you are thinking! Who cares what a Youtuber who got a record deal thanks to many having many Youtube views, most of which weren’t there for her singing, thinks about movies.

Madison Beer is supposed to be a busty young popstar in the making, consistently in paparazzi pics, or racy selfies! She’s not Siskel or Ebert.

First, we need movie recommendations! I’ll take them from everyone and anyone. We are only a week and half or two in and I’ve used my Netflix (that I borrow from someone else) harder than you’ve

Second, I think it’s interesting to see what movies these people we get excited about because they are in a bikini watch. Not that it really gives them more substance and it doesn’t give more insight into them as people. They are pop culture and based in LA, they are biased.

Third, it’s Quarantine time for a lot of us, what else are we going to read, that we haven’t already read, whether it is all the conspiracy theories from Tom Hanks and Ellen in prison, FEMA Camps, the Elite asserting their power to it being a hoax/the end of the world. I’d rather just see Madison Beer’s movie list.
Her list is:

9- The Prestige

8- The Game

7- The Shape of Water

6- Requiem for a Dream

5- Fight Club

4- The Truman Show

3- Nathan for You – Season 1

2- Ready Player One

1- Shutter Island

The post Madison Beer’s Top 9 Movies For You! appeared first on Egotastic - Sexy Celebrity Gossip and Entertainment News.

Amid Coronavirus Lockdown, ‘ Phoenix, Oregon’ Tops Box Office Charts With Take of… Four Thousand Dollars!?

This weekend was the worst weekend for movie theaters since they were first built. The Hollywood Reporter has reported that for the first time in over 100 years the total weekend box office return was… zero dollars.

Erik Lomis, a don of the distribution business who presently works at United Artists Releasing, is famous for waking up at 4 a.m., seven days a week. By 5:30 a.m., he sends out projected grosses for the previous day. That’s in addition to a detailed analysis on the weekends of how new movies and recently released titles have performed. Last Thursday night, he realized he had to let go. “I sat at my computer at 11 p.m.,” he recalls, “and saw that a rerelease of The Big Lebowski was the top-grossing movie from nine theaters.”

Okay, so, the industry didn’t exactly take in $0, but that’s what was reported as the totals from all the studios. Nothing. It makes sense because all the movie theaters are closed.

Box Office Mojo did have a few reports, though, namely that Phoenix, Oregon played in 17 theaters and brought in a total of $3,842. Which raises questions. Like who wanted to see Phoenix, Oregon so badly that they risked contracting a horrible, deadly disease for it?

I mean, sure, it doesn’t look terrible, but does it look pandemic good? All those Lisa Edelstein fans just couldn’t stay away?

They are now officially the lowest-grossing #1 film in history. Without even having to adjust that for inflation. It’s cute.

The most recent estimate I can find for average ticket price is about $9.40, which means roughly 400 people saw this film. Or one guy saw it 400 times.

Deadline reported, however, that some films did better than this, mostly because a lot of drive-in theaters were still open. I mean, the ones that didn’t close 20 years ago. It makes sense, you go and stay in your car and still get to see a movie. According to their numbers, Onward made about $71,000, down from over $10 million last weekend. That’s around $7,500 tickets using our earlier estimate, provided that still holds up for drive-in movies, so who the hell knows.

A lot of businesses that close will never reopen, because people are going to realize that entire industries are completely unnecessary to their lives. Movie theaters probably won’t be among those businesses yet, but I wouldn’t be surprised if we saw a decline in ticket sales when the projectors started rolling again.

The post Amid Coronavirus Lockdown, ‘ Phoenix, Oregon’ Tops Box Office Charts With Take of… Four Thousand Dollars!? appeared first on The Blemish.

Is the Internet Right That ‘Captain Marvel’ Is the Worst Marvel Movie?

Of all the weird things that have happened in the wake of everyone being stuck inside during the coronavirus, one of the most unexpected was Captain Marvel suddenly trending on Twitter. There was no announcement of a sequel, no news about the character in the comics, no reason for it to be trending.

It turns out the reason that Captain Marvel was trending is that people were debating about what the worst Marvel movie was and there was an early winner.

But is the Brie Larson film really the worst that Marvel has ever done? After all, it has Brie Larson in it. If we look at just the movies in the Marvel Cinematic Universe and exclude the raft of terrible made for TV movies, I think a strong case can be made for it.

First of all, we need to look at the contenders. Marvel has made around two dozen movies, so which ones are on the short list for worst? Captain Marvel makes the cut, obviously. Thor: The Dark World and the Ed Norton The Incredible Hulk also come up a lot. I would also say Iron Man 2 and Avengers: Age of Ultron are strong contenders, and Captain America: The First Avenger is on the list.

With our list of contenders assembled, the most striking thing is that half of ‘Phase One’ are on our list. Iron Man, Thor and The Avengers did a lot of  heavy lifting in making this franchise so popular. Let’s look at these early movies and see if any of them qualify as the worst.

The Incredible Hulk was only the second movie Marvel had made and it wasn’t that bad for a second outing. Ed Norton was a good Bruce Banner and the story about Banner and Betty was good. They also had the foresight to skip over Hulk’s origin and get right to just telling a good story, an especially good decision considering Iron Man was an origin film.

Iron Man 2 might be my favorite of these contenders for worst Marvel movie. Sam Rockwell’s Justin Hammer is honestly a great foil for Tony Stark, a better villain than Jeff Bridges’ Iron Monger and there are some great performances from Garry Shandling and Don Cheadle.

Captain America, along with Thor, was a first attempt at giving Marvel films an identity outside of just a straight superhero action-comedy, something that made ‘Phase Two’ the strongest era of Marvel films. In this case, the idea was combining a superhero film with a World War II film. It wasn’t great, but Hugo Weaving’s Red Skull was a great villain and obviously introducing Peggy Carter was pretty important to the overall story.

Next we have Thor: The Dark World, which I think is a bit unfairly maligned because of a weak villain. While the main plot is somewhat disappointing, the first two Thor movies had a great supporting coast, both with the Warriors Three and Natalie Portman’s friends and colleagues. It was a superhero love story and the love story part worked really well even if the superhero part was lacking.

Our last two entrants are the real dregs. Avengers: Age of Ultron was a disjointed mess of a film that was free of the usual charm Joss Whedon brought to his films. It introduced the Sokovia Accords, a MacGufin used to drive a wedge between the Avengers for ‘Phase Three’ of the Marvel Cinematic Universe, the first of many terrible decisions they would make in the overall storyline. It also introduces and kills off a pretty important character in the grand scheme of things over a dispute with Fox, which they’ve since settled by buying Fox.

Then there’s Captain Marvel. It’s a tough call as to what’s worse, this or Age of Ultron, but I’m going to go ahead and say Captain Marvel is the worse film. Age of Ultron at least introduced Scarlet Witch, there’s virtually nothing redeeming going on in Captain Marvel, which is mostly just paid propaganda for the United States Air Force.

Right off the bat, I have to ask how hard you have to work to make Brie Larson look that unsexy. It’s like they put ass-flatteners in the back of her costume. We all saw Scott Pilgrim, we know Brie like an 11, what are you doing?

Captain Marvel had the unenviable task of coming out between Infinity War and Endgame as well as being set in the 1990s. It was nice to see Sam Jackson and Clark Gregg again but the plot was weak, culminating in twists everyone saw coming a mile away. Oh, the Kree were the villains? Who could have seen that coming except anyone who watched Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. which did a while season about the Kree being space Nazis.

On top of that, Marvel has tried to take an unearned victory lap form the film, making Captain Marvel a sort of Superman-like figure. No one is ever going to react to Captain Marvel coming out of the sky the same way the react to Superman. There are only a few more popular and beloved comic book characters than Superman. Batman, Spider-Man, Monkey D. Luffy and maybe Son Goku and that’s it worldwide. Marvel has spent some 20 years trying to create their own Superman in the comics before finally landing on Carol Danvers, and they really should have kept looking.

The worst sin of Captain Marvel is that it doesn’t really try to be anything than a by-the-numbers affair that fills a box office release window and keeps the Marvel money printer running between two Avengers films. Marvel has definitely created a template that they use to make movies now, and none of them follow that template closer than Captain Marvel.

Of course, even the worst Marvel movie is a 3 out of 5 because of their producer-driven nature and rigid adherence to orthodoxy. Marvel, who made a name for themselves in the 60s by making edgier, character-driven stories has become the face of movies as corporate, mass-produced products, and the reason Captain Marvel is the worst of them is that it’s also the most emblematic of this approach.

The post Is the Internet Right That ‘Captain Marvel’ Is the Worst Marvel Movie? appeared first on The Blemish.

Top 10 Pandemic Movies

Pandemic Movies

The world is reeling right now as a result of the outbreak of COVID-19, a new strain of coronavirus that has infected almost a quarter of a million people at the time of writing. The outbreak originated in Wuhan, China and has quite literally spread like wildfire across the world. Cases first started popping up as a mysterious pneumonia in December of 2019 and by March 11th of 2020, the World Health Organization declared that the coronavirus outbreak is officially a global pandemic.

Pandemic Movies

A pandemic is officially defined as a pandemic disease; as an adjective, it means that it is prevalent over a country or the entire world. There have been several throughout history. The oldest dates all the way back to 430 BCE in Athens, Greece; it is suspected that the disease was typhoid fever and more than 66% of the population at that time succumbed to it. The most recent one in history was the H1N1 outbreak of 2009, more widely known as swine flu. Roughly 284,000 were killed by swine flu in total.

These types of illnesses have fascinated the world for years; however, for many people, this is the first one they are old enough to truly experience. For others, this is the worst they’ve seen so far. The world will undoubtedly bounce back from the COVID-19 outbreak regardless of how uncertain and scary these times may feel; however, if there was ever a time to stay in your house and binge-watch the day away, this is it. Because it’s possible to remain asymptomatic for a period of time after becoming infected and the disease is fairly easy to transmit, the best thing you can do is practice the art of social distancing.

Pandemic Movies

Health and government officials are recommending everyone avoid large gatherings and staying a minimum of six feet from others. This is a dream come true for introverts but, a lot of people are still having mixed feelings about the pandemic overall. People have always had mixed feelings about them even though some of the most popular shows and movies focus on them. The Walking Dead is one of the most critically-acclaimed series on television and it follows the story of a pandemic that causes the dead to become the undead and feast on humans.

Pandemic Movies

Zombies are a huge part of popular culture, being a staple in a number of horror films and television series. This might be the most popular example of the widespread interest in pandemics but there are tons of other examples out there, films that center around viruses and diseases that change the shape of the world as we know it. Pandemics dominate the post-apocalyptic horror genre in movies, TV, games, and books. From more popular movies like I Am Legend and 28 Days Later to lesser-known ones like It Comes at Night and [REC], and even documentaries, there is no shortage of choices on what to watch.

Pandemic Movies

There is something uniquely terrifying about this type of horror film. Not everyone is affected by supernatural horror or slasher flics, but pandemic movies touch everyone. In the movies, these viruses don’t just upend an individual family, they don’t just attack one person; instead, they send society reeling and leave behind plenty of drama in their wake. Pandemic movies also seem significantly less outlandish than the other horror genres that flood the box office every year. It is also much easier for creators to put their own spin on the theme, which is great for anyone who is seeking something fresh to chill them to the bone.

Pandemic Movies

The first film ever made that focused on a pandemic was released in the summer of 1964. It is called The Last Man on Earth and follows the story of the only man left on the planet that wasn’t turned into a zombie by a rampant disease. Interestingly, it followed the Asian flu pandemic of 1957 by just a few years. Historically, there is an observable uptick in pandemic movies released surrounding large-scale global outbreaks like the SARS pandemic in 2003 and the H1N1 pandemic you read about earlier. Even though that’s the case, it is an enduring category of films despite the fact that it isn’t as robust as others by comparison.

If you’ve been anywhere near the internet in the past week, you’ll know that pandemic movies are being talked about all over the place. One of Netflix’s “Top 10” movies right now is the 1995 pandemic horror movie Outbreak, and every popular online publication is spitting out film recs left and right. For our top ten pandemic movies piece, we’re taking a different approach than just throwing some titles at the wall and seeing what sticks. From genre-defining to critically-acclaimed, from popular to underrated, we’ve rounded up the top ten pandemic movies ever made.

1

Night of the Living Dead (1968)

Night of the Living Dead is an independent horror film that was released in 1968. It was the first film that the beloved director George A. Romero ever created. The story surrounds a small group of people who are trapped in a farmhouse that is under the imminent threat of zombies.

Spores from space are revealed to be the most likely underlying cause of the outbreak in the film, which is the first in what would come to be known as The Dead series. Night of the Living Dead was made on a budget of just $114,000 and was, at the time, heavily criticized for its gore. It ended up grossing $18 million internationally and going down in the horror film hall of fame.

This pandemic film is now regarded as a cult classic and it is one of the most defining films of the pandemic horror genre. It is regarded as a cult classic and it revolutionized filmmaking. This was the first horror movie in history that was filmed in an ordinary setting, the first that ventured into the up close and personal, and it kicked off the trend of splatter films. It was also the first zombie movie in history that presented the undead as brutal cannibals–all without using the Z word even once.

2

28 Days Later (2002)

28 Days Later is one of the first films that come to mind when you think of pandemics. It is a 2002 post-apocalyptic horror movie created by Alex Garland and Danny Boyle. It starts off with a highly contagious virus being released by accident and follows the subsequent breakdown of society, with the entire film surrounding the story of just four survivors.

The virus in this film is called The Rage Virus and it is transmitted through blood and saliva. Once infected, within seconds, the host is taken over and enters a state of uncontrollable rage. This film is credited for reviving the zombie genre, even though the infected are not like traditional zombies.

Hosts of the Rage Virus in this film are just overcome with rage and will attack anyone who is uninfected, but they are not cannibals. 28 Days Later was lauded for its screenplay, the soundtrack, the atmosphere of the film, and the performances of its cast. It was one of the most financially successful films in the year it was released, grossing over ten times its production budget.

The film was followed by a sequel titled 28 Weeks Later in 2007 as well as spinoffs like a graphic novel and a comic book series. Zombie movies remained widely popular for as much as a decade after its release.

3

Resident Evil (2002)

Resident Evil is another series that has become synonymous with the pandemic genre. The Resident Evil film that came out in 2002 was the first in the series of action horror films (mostly) based on the survival horror video game franchise of the same name in America. The film was written and directed by Paul W. S. Anderson, who is known for his cinematic adaptations of video games. It grossed roughly $103 million worldwide.

This pandemic movie follows protagonist Alice, who wakes up with amnesia and slowly learns that she is an employee of The Umbrella Corporation, an international pharmaceutical company and is tasked with guarding a genetic research facility called The Hive. She slowly learns that a lab-created virus called the T-virus was released and contaminated the entire staff from the Hive, which led to them being killed. The experiments the virus was used in created zombies, called Lickers in this universe.

The action and conspiracy unfold over five films, which were all… movies. None of them stand out as particularly good according to critics. However, Resident Evil is the best-selling video game franchise owned by Capcom and the film series is the highest-grossing of its kind. The corporate conspiracy element in this film series is what makes it stand out.

4

Cabin Fever (2003)

Cabin Fever is a horror-comedy that was released in 2003; it was written by Eli Roth and Randy Pearlstein, and directed by Eli Roth. This is the one to watch if you want a gory pandemic experience but aren’t fond of zombies. In the movie, the pandemic is a flesh-eating virus of unknown origin. A drifter that lives in the woods contracts the virus from his dog (who unfortunately succumbed to a gnarly infection), and he ends up passing it on to a group of spring breakers.

The movie follows the spring breakers as they all spread the virus amongst each other and then the drama that ensues in society as the entire water supply in the community is contaminated with the virus. It was made on a budget of about $1.5 million and ended up grossing over $30 million but it received pretty spotty reviews. Some really loved it, and some of the published critiques were absolutely scathing.

Despite the poor reviews, it went on to receive a sequel, a prequel, and a remake. The thing that sets Cabin Fever apart is that it is not exactly a horror film. Instead, it’s more of a gory comedy that pays strong homage to the slasher films that came before it which makes it stand out in the pandemic horror category. It clearly and heavily draws influence from The Evil Dead, The Last House on the Left, and Texas Chainsaw Massacre.

5

I Am Legend (2007)

In 1954, Richard Matheson published a novel that has been adapted for the silver screen multiple times including the titles The Last Man on Earth and The Omega Man. Eventually, that novel would spark inspiration for another film, this time with a shared name. So, over half a century later, I Am Legend was released. This is an action thriller rather than a traditional pandemic horror film and it came out in 2007. Instead of being scary, it’s fast-paced, dramatic, and was a welcome fresh take in its category.

Will Smith plays an Army virologist who is the only survivor he knows, and he’s tirelessly working to cure the film’s pandemic. A virus that was created with the intent of curing cancer has devastated humanity and turned everyone into nocturnal mutants with a taste for humans. The film follows Smith’s character as he fights for his life, meets other survivors, and ultimately goes down in history.

I Am Legend was among the top ten highest-grossing films of 2007 and emerged as the largest box office hit ever released in December that was not a holiday movie. It received very solid responses upon release and is still regarded among the best post-apocalyptic movies and best pandemic movies ever made.

6

The Happening (2008)

The Happening is M. Night Shyamalan’s first and only dive into pandemic cinema. Released in 2008, this movie is an apocalyptic thriller with a star-studded cast. It received a lot of negative reviews and didn’t gross very high up against its massive budget. Even though this is largely considered a flop, we couldn’t explore the top pandemic movies without including it because Shyamalan is one of the most well-known directors in popular culture.

This film surrounds the lives of four people as society begins to unravel around them due to people dying in large numbers by mass suicide. This pandemic is the result of an airborne neurotoxin so the behavior spreads quickly and widely, taking thousands of peoples’ lives. The working theory in the film is that this neurotoxin is a biological weapon that was unleashed in a terroristic attack on America.

On its opening weekend, The Happening grossed just over $30.5 million across America, coming in about $18 million short of its production budget. Ironically, only about 18% of all critics on Rotten Tomatoes had something positive to say about it. Overall, the best thing about this pandemic movie is the Screen Junkies’ Honest Trailer, and perhaps Mark Wahlberg, which says a lot.

7

Quarantine (2008)

Quarantine is the word of the minute so it only makes sense to include the 2008 film aptly named Quarantine. This is another significant pioneer in the pandemic horror genre; it was shot in the found-footage style. This movie is actually a remake of a Spanish one called [REC] but has marked changes. A unique feature of this movie is that it is entirely “scored” by sound effects rather than having a traditional score.

The story follows a reporter and a cameraman that set out to do a news piece where they follow two firefighters on their nightshift. An emergency call disrupts the story and that’s when everything begins to unfold. When everyone arrives on the scene of a barricaded apartment building, they’re attacked by a woman behaving extremely aggressively and irrationally. Those who were wounded by her are quick to become sick and delirious.

Eventually, the CDC arrives to quarantine the building. At some point in the film, it is learned that the virus is extremely similar to rabies and it is heavily implied that that is the virus. On the day it was released, it opened at number one. Quarantine isn’t very highly reviewed but it won “Best Zombie Film” and was runner-up for “Best Make-Up/Creature FX” at two horror-themed award shows in 2009.

8

Contagion (2011)

Contagion is a stand out in the pandemic film category because this 2011 film is actually classified as a sci-fi thriller. It was written by Scott Z. Burns and directed by Steven Soderbergh. This film has a cast of very prominent names in film such as Gwyneth Paltrow, Jude Law, Matt Damon, and Laurence Fishburne, among others. It is shot in the style of hyperlink cinema, where multiple storylines are gradually connected into the bigger picture as the film progresses.

This movie is about a virus above all else. There are multiple characters whose lives you get to peek in at but the star of this movie is the pandemic itself. The virus in the movie is transmitted by fomites, much like COVID-19. Throughout the film, you watch the virus spread, the public response to try and contain it, medical research to find a solution, and the eventual introduction of a vaccine. All the while, society is crumbling under the weight of reality as everything unfolds.

Contagion was a solid performer in the box office and was met with very positive reviews across the board. Apart from the hyperlink cinema style, something else that makes this film unique is the praise that it received. Scientists had nothing but positive comments for the scientific accuracy of the film.

The outbreak of COVID-19 renewed the film’s popularity to an unprecedented degree. In December of 2019, it was ranked in 270th place in the Warner Bros. catalog and by March of 2020, it had catapulted to second place. It was also among the top ten most popular films on iTunes and the number of hits the film received on pirating sites increased by 5,609% from December 2019 to January 2020.

9

Train To Busan (2016)

Train To Busan is an action horror film that was released in 2016. This South Korean film drew in a record-breaking audience of over ten million people that hit the theaters to watch it. It was filmed on a budget of $8.5 million and went on to gross almost $91 million. This is an unlikely addition to the list but, we can assure you, this is one of the greatest movies of all time and the world just doesn’t know it yet.

The film follows Seok-woo, a wealthy workaholic and fairly absent father and his daughter, Su-an. After Seok-woo misses an important singing recital, Su-an convinces him to take her to Busan to visit her mother for her birthday. A woman who has already turned into a zombie rushes the train and ends up attacking an attendant. Because everyone is in close quarters on the train, it spreads quickly. Cities are closing down so the train can’t even stop and Seok-woo gets a crash course in exactly what parts of his life are important.

Even though zombies are a pandemic film staple, this movie brings something new to the table. It’s suspenseful, it’s emotional, and it has a rating of 93% on Rotten Tomatoes. In the 2016-2017 film award cycle, Train to Busan was nominated for almost three dozen awards and won a total of ten. Take it from us, this is the zombie movie for everyone who hates zombie movies and so much more.

10

Bird Box (2018)

Bird Box is one of those movies that seemed to take the world by storm when it was released on Netflix in 2018. All of a sudden, it was everywhere. This is a post-apocalyptic thriller that was directed by Susanne Bier and is based on a Josh Malerman novel that bears the same title. The way that this film skyrocketed into popularity without a major theatrical release is a rare occurrence in the film industry. Netflix’s data shows that over 45 million people watched the movie the week that it became available to stream, and that number doubled over the next three weeks.

Estimates from Barclays, the investment bank, purported that if the film had had a major theatrical release, it would have grossed close to $100 million globally compared to a production budget of just $19.8 million. Even though it didn’t have a strong critical reception, the movie was a pandemic in itself. The actual pandemic in this film is one of the most unique on the list as Bird Box blends traditional supernatural horror into the pandemic genre. It is the only film ever created that does so, so far.

In the movie, you follow the story of a woman named Malorie and two young children. The only information you get in the beginning is that they must stay blindfolded. As the story unravels, you learn that there was a global pandemic of mass suicides. The mass suicides are caused by demonic entities that render anyone who sees them insane to the point that killing themselves is the only escape.

This is far from a traditional pandemic movie but its popularity combined with a completely novel take on the genre definitely places it near the top of the list. The overall mood and intriguing premise garnered support from critics, but most reviews assert that the film fell short of the expectations because it creates a lot of tension but fails when it comes to the climactic part of the story.

‘Cats’ Fans Demand to See the Butthole Cut

If you have a cat, you’ll know that they are sinful creatures with no shame who just walk around with their buttholes exposed all day. They also like to stretch when they’re getting on your lap and put that thing right in your face. It’s not great, folks.

The producers of the movie Cats apparently took this to heart, initially, and decided to give all their disturbing CGI-human hybrids CGI buttholes as if that film wasn’t horny enough.

How do we know this? They hired someone just to edit all of those buttholes out later in production.

I wish I could be in the meeting where the producers of this film made this call. I want to hear the discussion that led to this film digitally adding and then removing buttholes from all the cats. You know there were meetings about this. Probably all-hands meetings. Countless internal screenings of the film with and without buttholes.

Of course the citizens of the Internet immediately started demanding the release of the “butthole cut” of the film.

You know your friend who got weirdly obsessed with how hot the characters in the Disney Robin Hood cartoon were and never really got over it? The one who said they were googling naked pictures of Lola Bunny from Space Jam as a joke but had a folder that slowed down their computer significantly when you open it?

They’re called furries and they’re everywhere. They’re the main reason this deeply disturbing film didn’t close after like a week, even if there aren’t enough of them to keep it from being a huge bomb.

Yeah, while observing the abject insanity of this story, I hadn’t stopped to think that this film had actual, respected actors in it. Sir Ian McKellen, Dame Judi Dench and Idris Elba were it, not just the fat guy from Gavin and Stacey. Someone spent hours of their life adding and removing a digital cat anus from a Commander and a Dame Commander of the Most Excellent Order of the British Empire. This lends a lot of credence to theory that all of this is a simulation and the goal is to see how much absolute bullshit someone will believe is actually happening before they say “fuck this” and hop on a rocket to Mars.

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Universal Is Killing the Theatrical Release Window Because of the Coronavirus

The theatrical release window is the time that movies are only shown in theaters before being released to the home video market. It’s generally 90 days and really popular films will take even longer to release to Blu Ray and digital after they’re in theaters.

Theaters have essentially negotiated this with studios as it’s the only thing keeping theaters afloat. Once people figure out that watching films in theaters isn’t a good experience, much less one necessary to enjoying movies, that’s the end of the entire industry.

Universal Pictures, in cooperation with the coronavirus, may have just killed that window. Variety is reporting that Universal is going to release the films it’s currently showing theatrically to the home video market for the low, low price of $20 for a two day rental.

The move is a response to falling theatrical receipts in light of the global pandemic because it turns out most people don’t want to risk killing their grandparents to see Onward. Universal wants to make some of that lost revenue up so The Hunt, The Invisible Man and the newest version of Emma will all be available this Friday, and other upcoming films like Trolls World Tour will be available for home viewing the same day as their theatrical release.

Even at $20 for a 48-hour rental, I think this is the beginning of the end of theatrical movies. It’s cheaper than two tickets to the theater, the studio gets a larger cut and you can watch from your couch. You can use your phone or iPad without getting assaulted by an Alamo Drafthouse theater ninja. If this becomes the standard, there’s really no reason to ever leave your house to see a movie again.

“Oh, but I like movie theater popcorn, it just tastes better.!” It’s called Flavacol, it’s like $6 for two pounds of it, you’re welcome.

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Is Disney Making a Mistake by Keeping ‘Song of the South’ in the Vault?

Disney would rather you forget about Song of the South, the Academy Award winning live action/animated feature from 1946 about a black man in the South during reconstruction named Uncle Remus who tells some annoying-ass white kids about Br’er Rabbit and how good slaves had it before Lincoln went poking his nose where it didn’t belong. Okay, not exactly, but it’s pretty close.

Disney really wants to forget this movie exists, though, and Bob Iger, who I thought had retired, reaffirmed the other day that Song of the South would be staying in the Disney Vault and would never come to Disney+. Which probably would have been easier had they not used the song ‘Zip-a-Dee-Doo-Dah’ in a massive, extremely famous ad campaign for their parks. They also built a theme park ride, Splash Mountain, themed to the film, and that’s become famous as the ride ladies take their boobs out on.

Now, I’ve seen Song of the South, I had a VHS made from a Japanese LaserDisc in the 90s. It’s not a particularly good movie. The Academy Award it won was for the song ‘Zip-a-Dee-Doo-Dah’ and not for the story, though Uncle Remus actor James Baskett was given an honorary Oscar a few years later. And while Baskett’s performance is certainly good, the live-action segments that make up the bulk of the movie are pretty uninspired, and you’ll just wish they had cut them way down to just be simple wrap-arounds for more Br’er Rabbit shorts, since the film only has three.

Of course, the problem with film is that Uncle Remus is sort of an Uncle Tom character and even though the film is set during Reconstruction, he’s definitely based on the contented slave who lives to make little white kids happy stereotype. It’s not just the the movie hasn’t aged well; African-American organizations protested the film when it was first released. It wasn’t meant to be racist, it was essentially the result of letting a bunch of rich, white studio execs get together and say “Alright, let’s make a movie to show people that the blacks are okay, the way only white people can!”

But the question is should the movie remain hidden from view or are we mature enough as a nation to watch something that might be objectionable with a critical eye. The answer is yes, of course we are, it’s not even that bad. Yes, it seriously downplays the horrors of slavery and the racism of the South during reconstruction, but I have trouble seeing it as particularly more racist than the crows in Dumbo; I would say Dumbo is actually significantly more racist than Song of the South.

But I don’t actually think the problem with Song of the South from Disney’s perspective is that it’s racist; I think the problem is that it’s bad. Most people have not seen this movie and were it made widely available on Disney+, there would be a lot of people piling in to watch it to write think-pieces like this one who would realize that it just isn’t a very good movie. The truth is that anyone who wants to see the movie bad enough can do so relatively easily; I managed to do so in the days before widespread internet, you can certainly find it a post-bitttorent world if you were determined to do so.

What Disney actually should do is to cut the three Br’er Rabbit cartoons from the film and put them on Disney+; they’re actually good and are based on African-American folk tales, there really should be no controversy.

Disney probably doesn’t want to draw any more attention to the film and releasing the animated shorts from it would likely just renew calls from people who want to see the film and don’t know how to use Google, but it’s a shame because they are good and they’re an actual part of African-American history that we don’t really hear about anymore today. People might be more exposed to these Br’er Rabbit folk tales if Disney hadn’t tried so hard to bury this film.

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‘The New Mutants’ is Never Coming Out, But How Important are Theaters Anyway?

Disney has delayed The New Mutants, the final Fox-produced X-Men film yet again, this time because of the coronavirus. This is the fourth time the titles has been delayed, and it was originally scheduled to come out in April 2018. By the time this movie is seen by the public its spunky teen stars like Maisie Williams will be geriatric.

If you’re not familiar with the property, The New Mutants was sort of like the junior X-Men when the X-Men had become adults (except Kitty Pryde). The movie features most of the cast from comics, notably Magik, the sister of Colossus from the Deadpool films. The only character missing is Karma, one of the most high-profile LGBT characters in the X-Men comics, even though the film centers on a lesbian love story.

We have been waiting two years to see this film and in that time there have been plenty of rumors that the film would skip a theatrical release altogether. This is seeming like a much better idea with the coronavirus looming. But it makes me question why we even have theatrical releases for movies at all.

I’ve all but stopped seeing movies in the theater and frankly, I’m happier this way. What movie is really enhanced by getting in a car, driving to theater, paying $12 and sitting in a crowded theater with a bunch of people who may or may not be having sex in the back rows? Wouldn’t you rather just stay in your pajamas and watch that film on Netflix?

Sure, it’s all about the experience, but the main thing people are seeing in theaters are Marvel movies and I have had that experience literally twenty-three times so far. I don’t need the experience anymore. We all had the experience of seeing Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker in the theater and much preferred watching The Mandalorian on Disney+.

The movie theater experience has been outdated for a while now, but the advent of 4K HD home streaming should really be the final nail in that coffin. Movie theaters weren’t even really built to sell you movies; they were built to sell you air conditioning. That’s why they showed cartoons and Republic serials between films and you could just buy a ticket and stay as long as you wanted. Sure, the movies were always a part of the appeal, but a big part of theaters was that they were a cheap place to go and be comfortable in a time when home air conditioning wasn’t very widely available.

Now that we can get the air conditioning and the movies at home, why are we going to the theater at all? Especially to see The New Mutants? Casting the girl from Game of Thrones and one of the guys from Stranger Things just highlights that we are no longer getting anything out of this experience that wouldn’t be cheaper, safer and ultimately more enjoyable to just do at home. Did anyone watch The Irishman on Netflix and say “well, that was a great three hours, but I really wish I could have spent it cramped next to a fat guy stuffing his face with Raisinettes”?

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Corey Feldman’s Film a Flop

Corey Feldman has been on a media tour for weeks to promote a film he created to out pedophiles in Hollywood who he claims “raped” his friend Corey Haim and himself when they were teens.

The documentary-style film was set to be live-streamed at 11 pm EST on March 9. The ticket price was $20.

While it’s not known how many tickets Corey sold, many twitter users were lined up to comment on the film as it was set to begin. As 11 pm EST approached, users started experiencing problems with the website.

First, tickets could not be purchased using the Chrome web browser. Once that issue was addressed and tickets were purchased, the login page became a mix of loading errors with such classic hits as “403 Forbidden” and “plain black screen”.

A little after time for the live stream to start, Corey Feldman tweeted that the premiere would be delayed by 15 minutes. That 15 minutes came and went with users still unable to log in to view the movie.

After some black screens, login failures and messages saying that hackers were interfering with the stream, users were still waiting to view the film at 1:30 am. Some users claimed to have been able to log in and view a few moments of the film before getting more error messages.

There is another showing of the film scheduled on the evening of March 10, however, we don’t like the odds that this documentary will ever see the light of day. And if it does, it’s unlikely to provide any new information not already gleaned from his book. In the book, the names were changed to avoid litigation, but it was still clear to many who Corey Feldman accused of sexual abuse and grooming.

No Time To Die Release Pushed Back Until Fall

No Time To Die Movie

Coronavirus strikes again! This time at the box office.

James Bond fans will have to hang in there a bit longer for the latest movie release No Time To Die. The movie was scheduled to hit theaters on April 10, however, the release has now been pushed back to Thanksgiving weekend due to COVID-19 coronavirus fears. Specifically the fear of the film not making any revenue due to empty theaters in major markets.

In Asian and other major markets, many theaters have been closed due to the spread of the virus and fears about contamination. MGM, Eon, and Universal, the companies behind the production of the film, made the decision to crush 007 fans around the globe by moving the release date to November 25th in the US and November 12th in the UK. 

Daniel Craig, in his final 007 role, will now be the Thanksgiving movie to see in the US. He’ll be going up against Warner Bros. Will Smith King Richard, Disney’s Raya and the Last Dragon, and Sony’s comedy The Happiest Season. Somehow we think he’ll do just fine.

James Bond has been a staple for moviegoers for 58 years. Overall the franchise has made nearly 7 billion dollars. Although Easter weekend in the US is historically a big deal for theaters, this year may be different if other production companies follow suit and also postpone major theater releases. In any case, we’re sure there will be a record number of fans eagerly awaiting the release of what could be the best Bond yet.

‘Mulan’ Actor Invites Brie Larson to the Premiere on Twitter

Mulan is coming to theaters next month and the Hollywood premiere is right around the corner on March 6th. It remains to be seen if the boycott of the film caused by Yifei Liu’s support for the Hong Kong police’s violent crackdowns on pro-democracy protestors will impact the film at the box office, but one actor from the film wants to make sure Brie Larson is in the theater for the premiere.

Jimmy Wong, who plays Ling in the upcoming film, made a tweet last night publicly inviting Larson to the premier.

Now, I’m just a humble celebrity gossip writer and not a YouTube star, but I think you’re supposed to have your agent call her agent. It’s kind of the reason you have an agent.

Jimmy got a little good-natured ribbing from his fans; he’s not a major star but he is the co-host of a popular Magic: The Gathering themed YouTube channel called The Command Zone so he does have a pretty large social media following.

Wong clarified that he’s in a relationship and just asking her as a friend because he thinks she’s cool.

Sure thing, bro. That’s Envy Freaking Adams, no one is so committed that Brie couldn’t get it.

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Constance Wu Really Worked in a Strip Club for ‘Hustlers’

I’m not entirely sure is Constance Wu is the most-hated person in Hollywood, but she seems like a strong contender since you don’t hear much about Anne Hathaway anymore. All it takes is one prolonged social media meltdown about how much you hate having to do the TV show that made you famous and suddenly people don’t like you for some reason.

Jared Leto, another strong contender for biggest dipshit in Hollywood, is famous for his method acting, but Wu one-upped him by actually becoming a stripper to research her role in Hustlers. Here’s what she told Kelly Clarkson, via Page Six.

“I went undercover. I gave lap dances to strangers.”

That’s a big part of the job. If I went to strip club and had a chance to get dry-humped by Constance Wu during a hair metal song I’d take it.

The actress said she put fake tattoos on her neck and added hairpieces, as Clarkson said: “You are so method.”

Wu replied: “You can’t duplicate it, the first time you walk into a club and say ‘Hey, I would like to have a job here’ and then you go work that night.”

Yeah, normally for Candice she gets forced to work and bitches about it on social media while still talking about how important the show she was hoping would get cancelled is.

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Robert Pattinson’s Batsuit Is on Display

But where are the batnips?

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‘Parasite’ Wins Big At Oscars

Ladies and gentlemen, let’s check the scoreboard and see if Quentin Tarantino made the best movie of the year for like the seventh time only to once again be robbed of both Best Picture and Best Director, two awards he should have won enough to be able to swim in like Scrooge McDuck.

Yup.

The big news at last nights Oscar awards was Korean comedy-thriller Parasite’s relative dominance, coming away with statues for Best Picture, Best Director, Best Original Screenplay and Best International Feature Film. Bong Joon-Ho’s film is a lesson to Hollywood that making an overtly left-wing political film and marketing it as being a good movie is going to pay off a lot better than making a mediocre-to-bad film and marketing it as having good politics.

The moment of the night, though, was Joaquin Phoenix winning his Best Actor Oscar for Joker and then going on a crazy rant about veganism. This was the cause of much consternation on social media among film critics too dumb to realize Joker and Parasite were making the exact same political points. Still mad they didn’t get a shooting to write about.

For some reason Eminem performed ‘Lose Yourself’ and Martin Scorsese fell asleep during it, which was absolutely the right call and maybe the best thing Scorsese has done since Goodfellas.

Renee Zellweger picked up her second Oscar, the first for Lead Actress, for Judy, a movie no one saw or had even heard of before tonight but is apparently about the life of Judy Garland.

While my man QT was robbed once again and you fuckers had better recognize him when his next and final film is released, he did pick up Best Production Design for Once Upon a Time… in Hollywood and Brad Pitt got a well-deserved Best Supporting Actor.

Rounding out the major awards was Laura Dean getting Best Supporting Actress for Marriage Story because I guess they have to give it to someone and Natalie Portman’s dumbass cape embroidered with the names of all the female directors who weren’t good enough to be nominated for an Oscar. You know, they say it’s an honor just to be nominated, but can you name a single movie that was nominated and didn’t win in 2018? Do you even remember who won? Has anyone mentioned that dumbass Three Billboards movie that had all that Oscar hype even once since March 4th, 2018? The answer is no because it lost Best Picture to a movie where a lady fucks a fish.

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Joaquin Phoenix Got Emotional Bringing Up His Deceased Brother River Phoenix in His Oscars Speech

Joaquin Phoenix won his first ever Oscar tonight for Best Actor in Joker tonight. If you’ve watched his recent acceptance speeches, he’s brought up veganism, climate change, lack of diversity in Hollywood and other issues.

In his Oscar speech tonight, he basically said people shouldn’t drink milk in their coffee. Something about us impregnating cows to steal their milk meant for calves? Bro, it’s what the good lord wanted.

But at the end of his speech, he got choked up and quoted a lyric from his deceased brother, River Phoenix.

Run to the rescue with love and peace will follow.

River, Joaquin’s brother, died Halloween night 1993 outside The Viper Room from a drug overdose, a club once owned by Johnny Depp.

That’s a good way to end his speech, honoring his brother.

He could’ve also taken the other approach, accept the Oscar as Joker.

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Oscar Isaac Is Done With ‘Star Wars’

I think we all had a pretty good idea that the cast of the latest Star Wars trilogy was pretty much done with Star Wars after The Rise of Skywalker. There’s a fierce debate over which trilogy was worse, the sequels or the prequels, and that basically means no one is a winner. And after John Boyega was flooded with racist attacks from Reylo shippers, fans who primarily care about seeing Rey and Kylo Ren be romantically involved, only to see the media paint them as the victims a week later, well, do you really think he’d come back for more of that?

Oscar Isaac isn’t coming back to Star Wars either.

TMZ caught up with him and he doesn’t sound very enthusiastic about it.

Not many people involved in Star Wars, outside of Mark Hamill, Carrie Fisher and Billy Dee Williams ever seemed all that enthusiastic about returning to the series. Harrison Ford famously wanted Han Solo to be killed off at the end of The Empire Strikes Back, Sir Alec Guinness thought the entire thing was ridiculous and Hayden Christensen didn’t make it out of the prequels with his career intact,

What a mensch to sign all those autographs, though.

Disney recently announced that it sees Star Wars as more of a TV property than a movie property now, which makes a lot of sense because The Mandalorian and The Clone Wars were actually good. They’ve quietly cancelled two Star Wars movie trilogies with the Game of Thrones guys and Rian Johnson, but everyone loves Baby Yoda.

Johnson’s Poe was a bright spot in the newest trilogy, but we were likely never going to see more of those characters anyway, especially after what a mess it ended up being plot-wise. It’s far easier just to plant a flag in it and build entirely new stories in the same galaxy far, far away than to try and make any kind of sense out of what the last three films did.

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Cameron Diaz Retired and No One Noticed

Cameron Diaz was a superstar from the start, jumping from modeling to big gigs in movies like The Mask and There’s Something About Mary.

She maintained a relatively high profile through the 2000s, but her star has been on the downfall in the past decade. The final blow came when she and Good Charlotte guitarist Benji Madden had a kid, and Diaz decided to be Mrs. Domestic.

According to Page Six, a friend of Diaz’s says that motherhood trumps everything else in the actress’ life:

“They tried forever to get pregnant. They did acupuncture, special diets, IVF, supplements. They went to the best fertility doctors. They tried to adopt. Nothing worked. But for Cam, this was her priority over acting, doing books, any kind of career. She was compelled.”

An unnamed and likely entirely fictional “studio executive” is quoted as saying:

“There was no studio who wouldn’t hire her [when she was still acting]. “They’d hire her now. They’d develop projects especially for her. But she always passes.”

As for Diaz, it’s clear that she is enjoying taking on a new role as a mother. She recently uploaded a message to Instagram gushing about her new baby and asking her fans for privacy.

View this post on Instagram

❤❤❤ @benjaminmadden

A post shared by Cameron Diaz (@camerondiaz) on

Can we be honest? Good for Cameron Diaz, I’m glad she’s happy, but does anyone care? Honestly, what was the last Cameron Diaz movie that anyone talked about? There is nothing wrong with the actress choosing to live a normal life with her family, but we shouldn’t act like it’s going to be a significant loss to the cinematic world.

Where Diaz is at in her career is also a rough spot for actresses, so it may be that she is playing it smart and taking this time away from the spotlight to return to more mature rolls later. If she does, you can bet that I won’t watch those movies either. Until then, enjoy your retirement Cameron, and we’ll all continue to forget that you were once one of the highest-paid actresses in Hollywood.

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Joaquin Phoenix Had Pretty Touching Words for Heath Ledger in His SAG Acceptance Speech

Joaquin Phoenix never seemed like the type to care about awards, but here we are. The actor won the 2020 Best Actor Award for The Joker at last night’s SAG Awards. Very well-deserved.

Phoenix acknowledged all the other nominees including Christian Bale for Ford v Ferrari, Leonardo DiCaprio in Once Upon a Time in Hollywood, Adam Driver in Marriage Story and Taron Egerton in Rocketman in his speech.

The best part was his shout out to Heath Ledger at the end of his speech.

And really I’m standing here on the shoulders of my favorite actor, Heath Ledger.

It’s sad to think about what Heath Ledger could’ve become if he had lived. We’re reminded of his presence whenever Michelle Williams is on stage or in movies. It’s ironic too, since Williams supposedly never wants to bring up Ledger, so his memory won’t be sullied, yet she’s rumored to be a conniving, scheming person. Meaning she fits right into Hollywood.

In his speech, Phoenix also recounted how every actor in Hollywood would always lose roles to Leonardo DiCaprio.

When I started acting again, going to auditions I’d always get to like the final callback and I think many people know what that’s like. And there would always be like two other guys that I was up against them. And we’d always lose to this one kid. And no actor would ever say his name because it was like too much.

But every casting director would whisper, “It’s Leonardo, it’s Leonardo.” Who is this Leonardo?

Well, now DiCaprio’s over 40, so you won’t be losing roles to him anymore.

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Hopefully, Jared Leto Doesn’t Ruin the New ‘Morbius’ Movie

Judging by the new Morbius trailer released today, it seems as though Jared Leto will redeem himself to comic book fans everywhere with his second foray into the world. This time he’s ditching DC and sliding over to the more successful Marvel Studios to play an anti-hero that is unknown to many.

Fans of the comics or the popular ’90s Spider-Man TV series will remember Michael Morbius as a scientist who accidentally turned himself into a vampire while trying to find a cure for his rare blood disease.

Morbius has always been an anti-hero similar to what Sony did with their Venom movie. Though he’s cursed with this affliction that forces him to drink blood to survive, he tries to focus that bloodlust on the bottom dwellers of New York. Unfortunately, his lust for blood sometimes overpowers him, driving him to attack undeserving victims which is where Spider-Man comes in.

Morbius will most likely follow in the footsteps of Venom and Joker and skip having a protagonist at all, instead choosing to solely focus on the main character and the moral dilemmas they face. However, we do know that Matt Smith will be playing the villain Loxias Crown and the trailer shows a quick clip of Michael Keaton, most likely reprising his role as Adrian Toomes from Spider-Man Homecoming.

In the trailer, we can see a lot of dark cinematography which is exactly what we want to see from a movie of this nature. Since this is the first trailer, they don’t give us much to work with. Instead, they use the trailer to introduce the character to everyone who has most likely never heard of this character. It isn’t until the end that we see Leto in his full Morbius transformation and I have to say that translated Morbius’ look to live-action incredibly well.

There is one issue that is making comic fans nervous, and that is the actor. Leto was largely panned as the Joker with many fans questioning if he had ever read a Batman comic in his life. The actor has been in a number of iconic roles and solidified his place in Hollywood, but his take on The Joker was abysmal. Hopefully, Leto has learned his lesson and took some time to study the intricacies of the Michael Morbius character so he can deliver the performance that fans will expect.

There is a lot riding on this film. Venom was a commercial success and it already has a sequel on the way. If Morbius can deliver, it’s likely we will see a lot more of these stand-alone films and the possibility of the long-rumored Sinister Six movie. Morbius doesn’t have an official release date, but it is slated to be released sometime this summer.

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2020 Oscar Nominations: See The Full List of People Who Will Lose to Quentin Tarantino

The Oscars are less than a month away and if you’ve been waiting for a comic book movie to clean up at the Oscar nominations, today is your lucky day because Joker is the most-nominated film with nods coming in 11 categories. What’s that, Marvel stans? This isn’t what you meant when you said comic book movies deserve to be taken seriously? Well, Avengers: Endgame got nominated for Best VFX, so you’ve got that.

A lot of people are mad specifically about Joker being nominated for Best Picture over Booksmart, but having seen both movies, those people are idiots. Booksmart is just American Pie without the pie. I mean, it’s fine, but there’s nothing new or groundbreaking in this movie compared and we’ve seen it dozens of times, from Porky’s to Can’t Hardly Wait to Superbad.

But really, who cares who the nominees for Best Picture and Best Director are anyway, you’re just arguing about whose name you’re going to hear before Quentin Tarantino wins. Yes, that’s right, your official Blemish prediction is that is finally QT’s year and Once Upon a Time in Hollywood is the film that’s going to get Tarantino the Oscars he’s deserved since Pulp Fiction. It got 10 nominations, and I can see it winning basically all of them except Best Actor, which Joaquin Phoenix should be clearing space on his mantle for.

It’s important to remember that the Academy is not infallible. For example, Forrest Gump beat Pulp Fiction for best picture in 1994. I realize we all had some weird form of brain damage in 1994 that made us think Forrest Gump was a good movie, but still, did anyone ever really think it was better than Pulp Fiction? Or even The Shawshank Redemption, for that matter? But that aside I can assure you that Joker deserves to be nominated more than whatever movie you’re mad about that isn’t Uncut Gems.

Here are the major category nominees, you can see the full list of nominees here.

Best motion picture of the year nominees:

FORD V FERRARI

THE IRISHMAN

JOJO RABBIT

JOKER

LITTLE WOMEN

MARRIAGE STORY

1917

ONCE UPON A TIME… IN HOLLYWOOD

PARASITE

Achievement in directing nominees:

THE IRISHMAN – Martin Scorsese

JOKER – Todd Phillips

1917 – Sam Mendes

ONCE UPON A TIME… IN HOLLYWOOD – Quentin Tarantino

PARASITE – Bong Joon Ho

Performance by an actor in a leading role nominees:

Antonio Banderas in PAIN AND GLORY

Leonardo DiCaprio in ONCE UPON A TIME… IN HOLLYWOOD

Adam Driver in MARRIAGE STORY

Joaquin Phoenix in JOKER

Jonathan Pryce in THE TWO POPES

Performance by an actress in a leading role nominees:

Cynthia Erivo in HARRIET

Scarlett Johansson in MARRIAGE STORY

Saoirse Ronan in LITTLE WOMEN

Charlize Theron in BOMBSHELL

Renée Zellweger in JUDY

Performance by an actor in a supporting role nominees:

Tom Hanks in A BEAUTIFUL DAY IN THE NEIGHBORHOOD

Anthony Hopkins in THE TWO POPES

Al Pacino in THE IRISHMAN

Joe Pesci in THE IRISHMAN

Brad Pitt in ONCE UPON A TIME…IN HOLLYWOOD

Performance by an actress in a supporting role nominees:

Kathy Bates in RICHARD JEWELL

Laura Dern in MARRIAGE STORY

Scarlett Johansson in JOJO RABBIT

Florence Pugh in LITTLE WOMEN

Margot Robbie in BOMBSHELL

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Did You Know Salma Hayek Was Once Attacked by a Monkey?

Salma Hayek got a lot of acclaim for her lead role in the biopic Frida. I always thought it was weird because if you’re going to cast Salma Hayek just to put a bunch of makeup on her to make her less attractive, just hire Penelope Cruz, she’s already a less-attractive Salma Hayek.

Hayek got an Oscar nomination for the film, but she didn’t win even though the years before and after were won by hot actresses in make-up to look uglier. It was a whole thing for a while.

In addition to that, Hayek told Vogue that she got attacked by a monkey during the filming.

How is she still that hot? Anyway, here’s what she said about the monkey, via Fox News.

“This next one is 2002 when I did ‘Frida’ and this was in Vogue, and I was very proud to be part of Vogue for the first time in my life. This monkey, who was named Tyson, actually attacked me during the filming of ‘Frida,’ and I was really severely injured,” she described.

“But I was brave enough to let him come back and work again in the movie, and then I still did a photoshoot with him for Vogue afterward,” Hayek added. “I was really hoping he wouldn’t go for my face.”

I feel like every actor should have a good “the time a monkey tried to kill me” story.

Hayek also said she owned a monkey like that simp Ross on Friends. Antonio Banderas bought them for her after they were cut from Desperado.

“The next day was my birthday and he [Banderas] gave me this big box and my monkeys came out of it. He gave me the monkeys… They lived for a long time and very happily,” she explained.

“Mariachi was so nice to me, he was kinda in love with me; he wanted to be with me all the time and of course Carolina was jealous. That witch was awful to me; she was so possessive. She’d go crazy when we were hugging, and so we had a little bit of a (love) triangle,” Hayek joked.

Hayek made a joke about being in a love triangle with a monkey, so I’m sure some internet commenter with more time than brains will be along any minute to say that’s basically the same as bestiality.

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Biggest SALE 2020 – WWII Navy G-1 Flight Bomber Genuine Distress Brown Leather Jacket!

meganshirleyoutfit posted a photo:

Biggest SALE 2020 - WWII Navy G-1 Flight Bomber Genuine Distress Brown Leather Jacket!

The Jasperz inspire by this is the authentic G-1 Navy Version. WWII Navy G-1 Flight Bomber Genuine Distress Leather Brown Jacket. This jacket has a artificial fur style collar and a nicely tailored viscose internal lining designed to provide the wearer with relief as well as comfort.

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A Not So Quiet Place

Finally, a sequel to the film about how people should shut up.

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Sonny & Cher?

D’oh Boy posted a photo:

Sonny & Cher?

Nope, Sunny & Chair.

Harrison Ford 1982 Rick Deckard Blade Runner Trench Coat

kunzmorgan90 posted a photo:

Harrison Ford 1982 Rick Deckard Blade Runner Trench Coat

Blade Runner is an amazing Hollywood science fiction movie released in 1982. This movie boasts several celebrity outfits that have inspired many of us. Harrison Ford’s clothing in the movie was outstanding and so his Blade Runner trench coat. This coat is something special to present as a gift to your dad or grandfather as they might have memories related to this awesome movie.
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Paul Rudd is Officially as Old as Wilford Brimley Was in ‘Cocoon’

The Brimley/Cocoon Line is 18,530 days, the exact age Wilford Brimley was when the movie Cocoon opened in theaters. If you don’t understand why this is significant, Cocoon is a movie about really old people in a retirement home. Brimley was not a retiree in the film, but let’s just say he was no spring chicken, either.

A Twitter account, @BrimleyLine, keeps track of when celebrities pass this line and yesterday, December 30th, was Paul Rudd’s day.

Here’s a picture of Brimley at age 50 for comparison.

Celebrities take way better care of themselves today.

Brimley even sent out a congratulatory tweet.

Brimley was 50 in Cocoon, if you’re wondering.

Salma Hayek crossed the line three years ago, and Jennifer Lopez is a few months away.

Also, Arnold Schwarzenegger crosses the line over 20 years ago, around the time he was in Jingle All The Way.

People love to joke about all the reasons why celebrities today look younger, like Paul Rudd being a vampire, but the answer is pretty unexciting: Botox was first used cosmetically in 1996 and approved by the FDA for this usage in 2002. They’re just getting more work done and doctors are better at it now because of all the practice they had on Joan Rivers.

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