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Marvel Looks to be Making a Hulk vs Wolverine Movie: Could Hugh Jackman Return as Wolverine?

Wolverine is the most popular member of the X-Men and one of the most popular characters in all of American comics, basically only second to Batman. While people probably think of Wolverine and the X-Men as being connected and inseparable, Wolverine wasn’t actually introduced in the pages of Uncanny X-Men; he started life as an antagonist in The Incredible Hulk, an agent of the Canadian government who was sent after the Hulk when Bruce Banner took a trip to The Great White North. Even though Wolverine was just a one-shot villain of the week for Hulk, this has nevertheless tied the two characters together in an interesting way that remains to this day.

There’s a rumor, reported by Giant Freakin’ Robot, that Marvel is developing a Wolverine vs Hulk movie starring Mark Ruffalo and whoever gets cast as Wolverine. It’s probably as close as we’re going to get to another solo Hulk film and it would pretty great to see Wolverine introduced once again in a way that connects him to the Hulk.

And let’s be honest, Wolverine and the Hulk are going to make for one of the coolest action sequences in any comic book movie ever made. It’s going to be so much more fun than the way-too-busy sea of characters at the end of Endgame.

It’s doubtful that Hugh Jackman will be playing Wolverine in the MCU, he gave the character a beautiful sawn song in Logan and wants that to be his last word on the character.

But there’s a rumor going around that Jackman could be talked into popping the claws one last time in Doctor Strange and the Multiverse of Madness.

Marvel looks to be throwing the kitchen sink at this film, probably spurred on by how much hype DC generated for Crisis on Infinite Earths on the CW. Marvel is said to be looking to do something similar in the Dr. Strange sequel, with cameos from Toby Maguire and Hugh Jackman and basically anyone they can get. I wouldn’t be surprised if we saw the Japanese Spider-Man’s giant mecha Leopard and David Hasselhoff as Nick Fury in this thing. There’s really no point in having a multiverse if you don’t use it for fanservice, after all.

The post Marvel Looks to be Making a Hulk vs Wolverine Movie: Could Hugh Jackman Return as Wolverine? appeared first on The Blemish.

Chris Evans Isn’t Done Playing Captain America

At the end of Avengers: Endgame, we saw that Captain America had lived a long and happy life in the past with Peggy Carter and, as an old man, passed on his shield and presumably his title to Sam Wilson, the Falcon. It was probably the best moment in that film, which I thought was an overcrowded mess with bland fight scenes filled with far too many characters who were, in the end, meaningless. Steve Rogers had a heartwarming happy ending and even though we loved Chris Evans in the role, I don’t think anyone wants Marvel to ruin it by bringing him back.

Marvel is going to ruin it by bringing him back.

According to Giant Freakin Robot, there are rumors that Marvel is planning to bring Evans back as the old man Captain America seen at the end of Endgame for an adaptation of the comic Secret Wars, which could be the fifth or Avengers movie.

Let me explain a little bit about Marvel’s famous crossover events. Infinity Gauntlet was conceived by Jim Starlin as the next logical step for his relatively minor pet characters, Adam Warlock and Thanos. Their conflict drew in the entire Marvel Universe and was so beloved by fans that it lead to more crossovers and an ongoing series.

Secret Wars, on the other hand, was a tie-in to a toy line designed purely to appeal to children through focus group testing and had a plot that was essentially a kid playing with his toys, smashing them against each other, as the all-powerful Beyonder brought all the Marvel heroes and villains to his planet Battleworld so they would fight and he could see who was the strongest.

I don’t think this story is worth bringing Evans back for. With Marvel’s whole multiverse-focus for their next film arc, there will be plenty of opportunity for all sorts of fan service, why waste it on such a bland storyline?

Marvel has the X-Men and the Fantastic Four now, they don’t need to adapt such a forgettable, poorly-written comic from the 80s. And I while I that the point of the Marvel movies, much like the Secret Wars comic, is to sell toys to children, that doesn’t mean they can’t at least be good.

The post Chris Evans Isn’t Done Playing Captain America appeared first on The Blemish.

Will Tobey Maguire and Andrew Garfield Really Be in the Next Spider-Man Movie?

There have been rumors that Sony wanted to do a Spider-Man vs The Amazing Spider-Man movie for years now, since before Marvel turned the character into Iron Lad and replaced Peter Parker’s uncle Ben with Tony Stark. The success of the animated Into the Spider-Verse has only ramped up rumors that there was going to be a live-action Spider-Verse event, as has news that Jamie Foxx would be back as Electro in the forthcoming Spider-Man 3 in the MCU.

I personally don’t understand the obsession with insisting certain comic book plot points be grafted onto Spider-Man in all his other media appearances. Killing Gwen Stacy was a mistake, the Clone Saga was a mistake and Spider-Verse was… not a mistake, but just a single crossover story that lasted a few months of Spider-Man’s nearly 60-year history. Spider-Man isn’t “about” inter-universe plots or armies of clones attacking him. Spider-Man is about a down-on-his-luck outsider who feels so guilty about not preventing the death of his uncle that he puts his responsibility to others above his own well-being and happiness.

There are reports that Tobey Maguire and Andrew Garfield will be reprising their roles as Peter Parker in the upcoming Spider-Man film in the MCU. I would not treat them as facts until they’re confirmed by one of the Hollywood trades.

The story being reported by Fandom Wire is that Doctor Strange will somehow be involved in bridging the Spider-Man universes and that “both Maguire and Garfield will appear in Tom Holland’s universe during the final act to help defeat all of the Spider-Men’s combined foes.”

Okay, so we know that Dr. Strange will be involved in the third Spider-Man film, and with Marvel seemingly focusing on the multiverse after blowing their cosmic load on Thanos in Endgame, it makes sense that Spider-Man would go in this direction.

Fandom Wire also reported that the third Spider-Man movie would feature a lot of villains in addition to Jamie Foxx’s Electro, such as the Green Goblin, Scorpion and Kraven the Hunter. Marvel had internally criticized Sony for stuffing too many villains into their Spider-Man films, so unless there’s a coherent reason here like The Sinister Six being a part of the plot it seems odd for them to be pulling such a big about-face. Of course, at the same time they were also talking about how they were going to replace Robert Downey, Jr as Iron Man when he left, so clearly some opinions have changed.

You don’t have to keep topping Endgame, guys. Spider-Man is a young guy trying to find his way in the world, he can just fight Doc Oc or have the Green Goblin pumpkin bomb the hell out of a mall he’s on a date with Gwen Stacy in (happy 25th anniversary Mallrats), not everything needs to be a world-shaking event.

The post Will Tobey Maguire and Andrew Garfield Really Be in the Next Spider-Man Movie? appeared first on The Blemish.

‘Fatman’: What the Hell Even is This Mel Gibson Santa Assassin Movie?

There’s an action movie coming out where Mel Gibson is a grizzled military contractor brought back for one last job and Walton Goggins is an assassin hired to bring him down, Sounds awesome right? What if I told you that Mel Gibson’s character was Santa Claus? Still awesome?

Fatman is by far the strangest Christmas film I’ve ever heard of and I watch The Hebrew Hammer every single year.  The basic plot of “spoiled kid gets coal and hires someone to kill Santa” is actually pretty funny, but why does Gibson come off like a character from a South Park movie parody?

Honestly, from the trailer, I couldn’t actually tell if this was an action film, a comedy, or both. They’re calling it an action-comedy, but a  little digging into the writer/director team of Eshom and Ian Nelms tells me this is going to be something even better than that: it’s a straight-forward, good old-fashioned B-movie schlock-fest.

This could end up being the Airplane! of terrible movies; Mel Gibson and Walton Goggins are fantastic actors and getting them to play something this stupid completely straight could honestly make this the best movie of the year. It helps that Birds of Prey was the only other movie to release this year, and that one didn’t make it to “so bad it’s good” and was just stuck at “bad.” Oh, and New Mutants, that was a crazy weekend. Imagine being the person who got COVID and killed their whole family to see New Mutants.

Fatman is set to be available on VOD November 17th, four days after it releases to theaters which, let’s be honest, it was only going to be in theaters for four days without a global pandemic shutting them all down. But so few movies were released this year that Fatman could win an Oscars in one of those categories no one gives a s**t about like sound editing, and I think that’s what we as a society deserve.

The post ‘Fatman’: What the Hell Even is This Mel Gibson Santa Assassin Movie? appeared first on The Blemish.

‘TENET’ Continues Christopher Nolan’s Streak of Being Christopher Nolan

When people bring up their lists of favorite directors, you’ll generally hear the same four or five names thrown around. Alfred Hitchcock, Francis Ford Coppola, Steven Spielberg, George Lucas, occasionally Quentin Tarantino.

If you’re lucky, someone might throw in a Spike Lee, a Woody Allen, a James Cameron, or a Tim Burton. However, for the most part, the lists are short, uninspired, and generally correlated to that person’s favorite childhood movie (hey, nostalgia speaks to the soul, y’know).

But if we’re being objective? If we’re throwing aside the first movie that made us believe a man could fly, or the first time we saw intergalactic space battles on the big screen or the mob portrayed in such a romantic light, or whatever the hell those blue things were in Avatar?

Christopher Nolan has more than earned his spot on any list of directorial greats. Sure, classic film snobs will decry him as too modern, too recent for consideration, but that’s crap. We’re talking about a man who has made quality films for over two decades now.

The fact is, in the twenty-first century, in the era of the ultra-blockbuster and the shared superhero universe, Christopher Nolan has consistently proven himself the critical-commercial darling of the film world.

Let’s start with Memento (2000), his first big movie. This film, based on a short story conceived by his brother and writing partner Jonathan Nolan (yes, of Westworld fame) on a cross-country road trip in the late 1990s. The two transformed the story into a cinematic masterpiece – one told entirely backward.

Yes, that’s right. A reverse-chronological movie, where Guy Pearce’s character (an amnesiac trying to find out what happened to his wife) must write down notes to remember things, as each next scene takes place earlier in the chronology. A movie with strong twists, good acting, and a tight script; hallmarks of the eventual Nolan strategy.

Skipping Insomnia, we then arrive at the Dark Knight trilogy, Nolan’s three-part Batman film series that changed superhero films forever. Ditching the camp and bluster of the 1990s Batman films for a post-9/11 realist take, these films (starring Christian Bale as the Caped Crusader) redefined superheroes for a generation.

Batman Begins (2005) was a definitive origin for the character, building up the legendary superhero and his mythos for a new generation, as Batman faced off against the legendary immortal Ra’s al Ghul (played by the brilliant Liam Neeson).

It was followed three years later by the extraordinary film The Dark Knight (2008), in which Batman must face his arch-nemesis, the Joker. Heath Ledger delivered the performance of a lifetime in this latter role, earning himself an Academy Award in the process, but everybody, from Aaron Eckhart’s Two-Face and Michael Caine’s Alfred Pennyworth to Gary Oldman’s Commissioner Gordon and Morgan Freeman’s Lucius Fox, was worthy of praise.

Finally, the trilogy concluded with 2012’s The Dark Knight Rises, in which Nolan deconstructed the very essence of his protagonist, as the World’s Greatest Detective must come out of a multiyear retirement to face the dangerous mercenary Bane (played by the incomparable Tom Hardy).

These movies changed the game, not just for the burgeoning comic book movie market, but for cinema in general. The performances, the Hans Zimmer score (he tends to pop up around Nolan films, as does Cillian Murphy), the story, the themes, and the cinematography are all examples of filmmaking at its highest aspiration.

Before he even concluded the Nolanverse Batman trilogy, as it’s so affectionately called by DC fans who miss that era, Nolan had started working on other original films. The first was a period piece, 2006’s The Prestige.

This film, starring Christian Bale and Hugh Jackman as rival magicians in turn-of-the-century London, is a riveting look at the perils of ambition, hubris, and ego. It’s at once a brilliantly captivating and funny movie, and a deeply tragic one, featuring cinema’s greatest twist ending.

Then…then there’s 2010’s Inception. This film, a reality-bending heist film that involves thieves traveling through multiple layers of dreams in order to steal secrets, was another smashing success for the director.

The ensemble cast and incredibly intelligent screenplay served to bring Nolan’s vision to life, and it showed how, in addition to spectacle, Nolan was a brilliant filmmaker, given the ten years he spent keeping Inception on the backburner while he figured out the logistical side to production.

Not content to rest on his laurels following Inception and The Dark Knight Rises, Nolan turned to space, most notably in his 2014 film Interstellar. This groundbreaking sci-fi delight featured the collision of science and philosophy.

It ushered in the McConnaughaissance, it broke box office records, and it introduced an entire generation to the heights of the human imagination in space, not unlike what Carl Sagan’s Cosmos did in the 1980s.

Following Interstellar, Christopher Nolan again disappeared, and fans who had been following his (to that point) eight-film record of hits eagerly awaited his return. And return he did, with 2017’s Dunkirk, another period piece, this time focusing on the ‘Miracle at Dunkirk’ evacuation during the early months of the Second World War.

The movie was stressful beyond belief for viewers, even knowing it was a happy story in theory, and featured Nolan writing less dialogue and fewer single scenes, instead focusing on establishing ambiance and mood throughout.

In terms of World War II movies, it holds up in the highest caliber. As a general movie, it, like all of Nolan’s previous entries, is a top-shelf contender for its cinematography, direction, and production.

Which brings us to today, and this year’s TENET, a temporal spy film that promises to do to the espionage genre what Inception did to the heist genre a decade ago. While this film is excellent on its own merit – most reviews will indicate that – it’s rather impressive as yet another notch in Nolan’s belt.

With TENET, Cristopher Nolan has been giving us quality movies for twenty years now, never once missing. He’s broached films in every genre and has consistently pushed the envelope in terms of filmmaking.

Forget the twenty-first century, he belongs in all-time director lists.

The post ‘TENET’ Continues Christopher Nolan’s Streak of Being Christopher Nolan appeared first on The Blemish.

Marvel Will Reportedly Replace the Guardians of the Galaxy With These Characters After ‘Guardians of the Galaxy: Volume 3’

Guardians of the Galaxy is easily Marvel’s best franchise, to the point where every other movie they’ve released lately has felt more and more like it was copying what Guardians did, especially when you have films like Thor: Ragnarok which are a huge departure from films that came before them, with a new tone and supporting cast.

Guardians of the Galaxy is also about to end with its third film wrapping up the story James Gunn wanted to tell with the characters, but Marvel has no plans of slowing down their cinematic universe anytime soon.

I just assumed that Marvel would replace the Guardians, along with characters like Captain America and Iron Man with the X-Men and the Fantastic Four, their real blockbuster characters. Is anyone really going to care about Star-Lord when Wolverine is around? But We Got This Covered reports that they have a source telling them Marvel is moving ahead with more Guardians of the Galaxy, and to do so they’ll be bringing in a whole new cast playing new characters.

The new Guardians will reportedly be Adam Warlock, Beta Ray Bill, Bug, Moondragon and Phyla-Vell. Mostly the Guardians from the post-Annihilation team that James Gunn didn’t use in his films.

Now, this isn’t part of the report but I wouldn’t be surprised if Rocket and Groot stuck around during the transition, they were sort of like mascot characters for the book and eventually got their own title when the Guardians were replaced by the Annihilators, the team the only non-Guardian, Beta Ray Bill, was on.

Take special note of Phyla-Vell at the end of that list. This is Marvel’s big chance for a second bite at the Captain Marvel apple, Phyla-Vell was Captain Marvel before Carol Danvers and was a much better character. They should cast Kristen Stewart in the role so they can have the Captain Marvel the cosmic films are going to need when they bring in the Shi’ar and cross over with the X-Men.

Of course, there’s no word on who will actually play these characters yet or if it’s even finalized yet. But I think this is our best chance to see Stewart in the MCU.

The post Marvel Will Reportedly Replace the Guardians of the Galaxy With These Characters After ‘Guardians of the Galaxy: Volume 3’ appeared first on The Blemish.

Saving the DC Universe

A few years ago, the future of DC Entertainment seemed so bright. At successive San Diego Comic-Con panels, the brass at Warner Bros. announced what so many DC fans had been waiting years for a shared cinematic universe, the DC Extended Universe (or DCEU, which remains a really stupid-sounding name).

They showcased Gal Gadot’s Wonder Woman, they teased pictures of The Flash and Cyborg and Aquaman, exciting nerds everywhere and finally showing they could maybe compete with the long-established Marvel Cinematic Universe.

And then it all went so, so wrong.

If we ignore Man of Steel (2013), which polarized critics, the first moment of real panic came after Batman v. Superman: Dawn of Justice premiered in March 2016. This movie, still regarded as one of the worst of the decade by most people, was an overstuffed, overly gritty joke of a movie that showed a lot of style with very little substance.

It enjoyed an excellent opening weekend…and then a historic drop from which it never recovered. I mean, the first time that the two most well-known superheroes meet on the big screen, and it didn’t even gross a billion?

Then came Suicide Squad a few months later, which couldn’t decide if it wanted to be a movie about supervillains carrying out suicide missions for the government or a popcorn blockbuster scored to the music library of a teenager. You could actually see all of the forced jokes that were inserted following the lukewarm reception of its predecessor.

Wonder Woman was a breath of fresh air the following June, but come November 2017 it was all over. Warner Bros. dropped Justice League, theoretically its answer to The Avengers, its big-ticket blockbuster event that would even the score. The movie bombed at the box office, not even making what Suicide Squad had made, and the studio completely lost its mind.

A little over a year later, Aquaman did surprisingly well, grossing over a billion and becoming DC’s biggest movie hit ever, but it was too late. The studio had given up on building the shared universe that was envisioned by Chief Creative Officer Geoff Johns in the mid-2010s. Case in point, 2019’s Shazam!, which was a wildly fun movie, had basically no connection to the main DC universe of films.

Which brings us to now. Marvel is coming off the high successes of last year’s Avengers: Endgame, the highest-grossing movie of all time, and is preparing to launch Phase Four, which will integrate the solo movie releases with brand-new team films and television shows premiering exclusively for Disney+ subscribers.

Meanwhile, DC has not had a single movie released in 2020 except for the god-awful Birds of Prey released in February (which due to the ongoing pandemic feels like no less than thirty years ago).

The next film planned is Wonder Woman 1984 in June 2021. Any plans for a potential sequel to Justice League – might I remind you, the flagship title of DC Comics – are murky at best, and no one, not even Superman, seems to know if the cast will reunite at any point.

It’s not what any fan expected or wanted, but it’s clear now that Warner Bros. has seen their adventures in building the DCEU as financially risky with little pay-off. The studio wanted Avengers-type money from the get-go but didn’t bother investing the multiple years of world-building necessary beforehand. After all, Iron Man debuted in 2008, yet the first Avengers movie only came out in 2012, following solo movies for Thor and Captain America.

So what should Warner Bros. do going forward? It’s clear that the James Wan-helmed Aquaman series is a hit, as is the Wonder Woman saga under Patty Jenkins. But what of everyone else?

Well, in this fan’s humble opinion, it’s time to stop trying to emulate Marvel and just go all-in on whatever fills seats. I’m talking balls-to-the-wall filmmaking here.

It’s clear that the Marvel strategy of introducing characters in small solo films before bringing them into the big blockbuster team movies isn’t working in the WB Burbank lot. So a strategy change is necessary. Why not one of artistic liberty?

Warner Bros. should stop trying to build a DC Universe to rival its competitor. I mean, Justice League didn’t even break even, while Avengers: Endgame made over two billion at the box office in a single week. Clearly, the game’s over.

Instead, the studio heads over at WB should focus on making singular, small-scope solo films, and pepper them throughout the year. The ones that work get a sequel, the ones that flop don’t.

Aquaman and Shazam! did well, so bring back those directors, give them a slightly bigger budget, and let them work their magic again. Wonder Woman will fill seats no matter what, so throw your money at Patty Jenkins and watch her deliver every time.

I mean, just last year DC had a surprise smash hit, and what was it? Joker, starring Joaquin Phoenix as the Clown Prince of Crime, who just three years earlier was a Jared Leto abomination.

That’s right, the highest-grossing rated-R film ever is a one-off character piece that recast its lead character. Clearly, DC does better in the weird movie area, since the movie didn’t even feature Batman.

Speaking of the Dark Knight, clearly, Warner Bros. is starting to see the light, since they’ve more or less jumped into the Robert Pattinson boat. The British actor will be starring in Matt Reeves’s The Batman in late 2021. Gone now are the Batfleck dreams of the 2010s, as Pattinson is supposed to show up in a whole trilogy of planned movies starring the Caped Crusader.

This all makes total sense. DC never experienced such critical and commercial success as they did in the era of Christopher Nolan’s The Dark Knight trilogy, from 2005-2012. Those movies, starring Christian Bale facing off a smattering of memorable and well-written villains, remain in the upper echelon of comic book movies even today.

If Warner Bros. wants to return to that era of being a serious movie studio in the superhero genre, they should abandon their old pipe dream of making their own Avengers movies. Let every director take a crack at the Joker if they want, let Tom King and Ava DuVernay pen a New Gods film. Hell, if James Franco and Seth Rogen want to play Booster Gold and Blue Beetle in a buddy-cop comedy movie, go for it.

After all, Marvel is limited by its expansive continuity, for better or worse, while DC’s free to go as crazy as they want. The only character who’ll be hurt is Superman, because let’s be honest – nobody wants to see a solo Superman movie.

The post Saving the DC Universe appeared first on The Blemish.

2020 is Looking Up: We Finally Get a Year Without a Marvel Movie

I like the Marvel movies by which I mean Marvel has made a few really good movies, a bunch of very okay movies and Captain Marvel. They also made two Spider-Man movies that don’t really feel like Spider-Man movies but do feel like Iron Lad movies, and Spider-Man is my favorite character, so it makes me very mad but then I’ll watch Captain America: The Winter Soldier and all is forgiven.

My biggest problem with the Marvel movies is that there are too many of them and they’ve all started to feel the same, almost like they’re store brand potato chips in a white bag with black letters.

One of those problems has been solved, however, as Disney announced they’re delaying Black Widow yet again, pushing it back all the way to May 2021. They clearly did not make enough money on Mulan and so we’re not going to see any of these super-expensive Marvel films until there’s a COVID vaccine.

This has the knock-on effect of delaying all the other Marvel movies, which really has to suck if you’re Eternals’ Kumail Nanjiani and you’re waiting for your big break to hit theaters so you can become a serious movie star and finally get that way hotter second wife.

The end result here is that 2020 will forever be known as the year without a Marvel movie. And frankly, it’s about time, three of these things a year every year has just been way too many, especially when two of those were Captain Marvel and Avengers: Endgame. I’m thinking that a little time away will make these movies an enjoyable experience to come back to once you’ve gotten enough distance to forget about their many, many flaws, kind of like having sex with an ex-girlfriend.

It’s pretty funny that right after Disney bought Fox to become a virtual monopoly of motion pictures a global pandemic absolutely wrecked all the ways their company makes money. That huge $35 million haul from New Mutants is basically all that’s keeping the company afloat.

And of course, we all know that no matter how much I s**t on Marvel movies, the second they announce an X-Men movie I’m going to physically fight anyone who says a bad word about it.

The post 2020 is Looking Up: We Finally Get a Year Without a Marvel Movie appeared first on The Blemish.

Tom Cruise, Whose Religion is Based on a Sci-Fi Novel, is Going to Space to Film a Movie

Tom Cruise is a weirdo who believes in a religion based on a book of science fiction nonsense about space aliens instead of a normal religion based on ancient sword and sandals nonsense about visitors from the heavens like everyone else. I assume that has a lot to do with why he’s letting Elon Musk send him into space to film a movie.

TMZ reports that Cruise is taking a SpaceX flight to the International Space Station in 2021 in order to film an action flick.

As we reported … Tom is working hand in hand with SpaceX honcho Elon Musk and NASA to film an action-adventure flick aboard the ISS. The film, which will become the first shot in outer space, is reportedly NOT a “Mission Impossible” flick.

There’s a zero percent chance this doesn’t end up as propaganda for the Space Force, much like, well, Space Force. I loved the scene where they make not-Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez look like she hates America for complaining about extravagant wastes of money when people are starving, homeless and don’t have health care. Imagine wanting the government to actually help people instead of pouring money into the black hole of the military-industrial complex; what a dumb cunt, am I right?

If you thought Black Panther and Pitch Perfect 3 were loaded with military propaganda, wait until you see this. It’s also 100% going to kiss Elon Musk’s ass to a sickening degree. Remember how Donald Trump would insist he be given cameos in movies that wanted to film on his properties? Do you think Elon Musk has a smaller ego that Donald Trump?

This will be the first movie shot in space, as previous films that shot zero-g scenes with practical effects generally filmed on the “vomit comet,” a training vehicle that flies in a parabolic arc to create a reduced-gravity environment for brief periods without leaving Earth’s atmosphere. I just hope David Miscavige can cope with being separated for so long while the movie films.

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Why Was There Never a Sequel to ‘Elf’? Turns Out Will Ferrell Hates Jon Favreau

Elf. Who doesn’t love Elf? It’s probably the perfect Christmas movie with a combination of slapstick, dry wit, nostalgic references, a Peter Dinklage fight scene, a sweet family story and a smoking-hot 22-year-old Zooey Deschanel. It’s like Jon Favreau and David Berenbaum took all those terrible Christmas specials you watched growing up, threw them into a rock tumbler and smoothed them down until you got something that is actually beautiful. I watch it every single Christmas.

It’s shocking that there was never a sequel seeing as how so many bad Christmas movies have had multiple, terrible sequels, why wouldn’t there be a whole series spun off from one the few actual good Christmas movies? The answer, according to co-star James Caan, is that star Will Ferrell and director Jon Favreau hate each other so much they couldn’t put it aside Ben for a massive payday. Via The Wrap:

“We were gonna do it and I thought, ‘Oh my god, I finally got a franchise movie, I could make some money, let my kids do what the hell they want to do.’ And the director and Will didn’t get along very well,” Caan told Cleveland’s 92.3 The Fan’s Bull & Fox show on Friday. “So, Will wanted to do it, he didn’t want the director, and he had it in his contract, it was one of those things.”

Yeah, I don’t like Jon Favreau either. I can’t stand any of those Pod Save America assholes, I would much rather listen to Chapo Trap House or Cum Town. Oh, it’s not the same Jon Favreau? There’s two Christopher Lloyds, too, you know.

So we’re never going to see an Elf 2, but we did get Noelle last year and that has a similar plot of someone from the North Pole coming to the real world and learning how to fit in and it stars Anna Kendrick, who is also smoking hot. Elf and The Hebrew Hammer both came out for Christmas in 2003 and showed Christmas movies can actually be good, so even if we never get another Elf, every Christmas movie that doesn’t totally suck owes it a debt.

The post Why Was There Never a Sequel to ‘Elf’? Turns Out Will Ferrell Hates Jon Favreau appeared first on The Blemish.

Oscar Winner Halle Berry Says Something ‘Didn’t Feel Right’ About ‘Catwoman’, One of the Worst Movies Ever Made

Understatement. It’s a talent. The thing you’re saying still has to be true or else you’re going into irony rather than understatement. Like if I said “The US’s response to COVID has been excellent,” that’s irony. Understatement is more along the lines of “Quentin Tarantino has made some good movies.” It’s true, but it’s leaving out so much.

Halle Berry has won an Oscar, and she is now officially in the running for “Biggest Understatement of All Time.” Here’s what she said, via CinemaBlend.

The story didn’t feel quite right. I remember having that argument: ‘Why can’t Catwoman save the world like Batman and Superman do? Why is she just saving women from a face cream that cracks their face off?’ But I was just the actor for hire. I wasn’t the director. I had very little say over that.

See, Catwoman was one of the worst movies ever made. People say it’s one of the worst comic book movies, but that is also an understatement because Catwoman is right up there with Plan Nine From Outer Space and that Ghostbusters remake.

See, Catwoman wasn’t bad because the stakes weren’t high enough, plenty of films have small stakes. Have you ever seen Scott Pilgrim vs The World? That’s a great movie and the stakes are getting a record contract and getting back together with a girl he’s known a week. Not everything needs to be about saving the world.

The truth is that Catwoman was a failure on every level, from the script to the direction to the cinematography to the score to, yes the acting. I’m sure that having an actress who wasn’t really committed to the role and was just phoning it in for a paycheck didn’t help. Halle Berry was fresh off of winning an Oscar when Catwoman was filmed, she would have had a lot of power on that set but this was before Iron Man so she probably just thought “Comic book movies will always be terrible and no one but nerds will ever watch them so I’ll just take my $14 million and get out as painlessly as possible.” Which is fine, but you can’t then go “I knew it was bad but I, the first Black woman to ever win an Oscar for Best Actress, was in no position to make it any better.”

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Warner is Reportedly Backing a Truck Full of Cash Up To Joaquin Phoenix’s House For More ‘Joker’ Movies

I thought Joker was going to suck when it was announced, but I was happy to be wrong. Not only was it a great movie, but the unfounded hysteria around it was also basically unmatched until Netflix added Cuties to its library. It was a good time watching news outlets breathlessly await a mass shooting caused by Joker that never came, especially when the only movie theater violence to happen around the time occurred during a screening of Frozen 2.

Not only was Joker a great movie, but it was also a big success for Warner, a relative rarity among recent DC films. This thing definitely made the studio more money than Birds of Prey. So obviously Warner wants to make sequels because they didn’t learn the lesson that the entire world should have learned from The Godfather Part III.

In fact, The Mirror reports an insider tells them that the movie sequels are further along in development than we would have hoped.

An insider tells me: “Joaquin initially felt Joker was a standalone movie.

“But he’s changed his tune now. He says he wants to play this character again, despite the controversies that came with the release last year.

“It’s still being negotiated but the scripts are being written and Joaquin is very engaged with it.”

My source says makers Warner Bros were “as shocked as anyone” by the film’s success last year.

They add: “They plan to make two sequels in the next four years, with a long-term commitment to Joaquin and his Joker director Todd Phillips and producer Bradley Cooper. It’s all about getting Joaquin to accept the terms – and the biggest payday of his career by far.”

Okay, Warner Brothers, I’m going to give you some free advice: don’t make more Joker movies with Joaquin Phoenix. That’s not how you follow up Joker.

I will tell you the right way to follow up Joker with movies that will make money that people will actually like; you make movies about other villains in the same way. You don’t make Joker 2: Joke Harder, you make Luthor.

Find yourself another actor of Phoenix’s caliber and have him play Lex Luthor, the beloved businessman, and genius scientist, like who Elon Musk thinks he is but actually isn’t, and you show how Superman appearing and becoming the hero Luthor he was pushes him over the edge.

You really still want to make Joker 3: Joker in Space after that? How about you make Professor Zoom instead. There’s can even be a time theme to connect the films, Joker in the past, Luthor in the present day and Professor Zoom in the future, relative to the heroes they menace. The Flash’s biggest fan gains super speed just like Barry Allen and tries to become the new Flash, but when no one cares, he decides he’ll kill Flash before he became a legendary hero instead and take all the glory for himself.

There are a lot of great, tragic origins for DC villains to explore and no more story to be told about this Joker without Batman involved. I get it, we could show how he becomes a crime lord in like a DC Comics Scarface or Godfather II, but it isn’t really as compelling to me as new movies about new villains are.

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Jason Momoa Accuses Warner of Making Up a ‘Frosty’ Movie to Distract From What an Asshole Joss Whedon was on ‘Justice League’

How relieved do you think Ellen DeGeneres is every time a story comes out about what a dick Joss Whedon is? It just has to be like Christmas for her every time she hears “what an asshole” said about someone other than herself.

Jason Momoa made an interesting Instagram post today seemingly accusing Warner Brothers of making up a fake Frosty the Snowman movie starring him and leaking it to the trades to distract from Ray Fisher’s accusations of mistreatment by Warner and Whedon.

One thing that stands out here is that Momoa says “the shitty way we were treated on Justice League reshoots.” Fisher’s castmates have been supportive of him while not saying anything that would put them in a bad position or violate their contracts with Warner Brothers, but Momoa just backed up everything Fisher said before, which I really didn’t have any doubt about.

The Frosty thing is absolutely crazy, though. This is a story reported in the trades in early July and he says that movie doesn’t exist, or at least that he’s not involved with it. That is crazy to me. They really made up a whole movie out of thin air to push Joss Whedon to be an asshole out of the news. That’s sociopathic.

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Rumor Has It That Lady Gaga Is Going to be an X-Man

Marvel has kind of tried to downplay the forthcoming X-Men movies since they bought Fox, but we all it’s a big deal. The Avengers was not Marvel’s version of the Justice League, and X-Men has been Marvel’s biggest franchise since the 70s.

We’re getting our first casting rumor about the MCU X-Men films and it’s kind of a weird one: Lady Gaga is being reported as who Marvel wants to play Emma Frost.

Emma Frost was designed to be sexy before anything else. The way she uses her sex appeal is as important a part of her character as her psychic powers or diamond skin. Has anyone ever considered Lady Gaga particularly sexy?

What makes this rumor even more baffling is that there is a character in the X-Men franchise who Lady Gaga would be perfect as the disco queen pop star Dazzler. She even wears weird face paint, if you didn’t know better you could assume Gaga has been cosplaying as Dazzler the way that Elvis Presley based his look on Captain Marvel, Jr.

Stan Lee even said he thought Lady Gaga should play Dazzler.

It’s really hard to argue that Gaga wouldn’t be a great Dazzler, but pretty easy to argue she wouldn’t be a good Emma Frost. Brie Larson would make a good Emma Frost if she wasn’t already in the MCU and Marvel hadn’t already done everything humanly possible to hide how sexy she is. You could basically just pick any 19-year-old Leonardo DiCaprio dumped for being too old and she would be a good Emma Frost. Just not Lady Gaga. Please. Please just let her be Dazzler like everyone in the world wants.

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Kissing the Chinese Government’s Ass Didn’t Help ‘Mulan’ at the Box Office

Mulan has kind of been a magnet for controversy with star Liu Yifei drawing a lot of heat for going all Blue Lives Matter during the Hong Kong independence protests and then again when it released and the film credits had a thank you for the people operating the Uighur concentration camps. Still, Disney stuck to their buns and really kissed China’s ass because they’re a huge market and one of the only places in the world you can go to a movie theater in 2020.

It did not work out for them. Remember when I said that the credits basically said “hey, big props to the people gearing up for the Uighur holocaust, love you, boo,” earlier in the article? Turns out that China wasn’t happy with that, even though Disney was giving them a big thumbs-up, because they don’t want a lot of attention given to them rounding up an entire ethnic and religious group and forcing them into camps, so they banned all coverage of Mulan to avoid the negative press.

Forbes reports that Mulan was a huge flop China, presumably because of this as well as the fact that Mulan plays like a third-rate wuxia film in a country that has produced some of the best action movies of all time.

Mulan debuted in China with $23.2 million in its opening weekend, with little hope that the film would leg out beyond the often-standard 2x-2.2x multiplier for Hollywood releases. So we’re looking at a Chinese total of between $46.2 million and $50 million. Now to be fair, that’s the second biggest Hollywood debut of 2020, behind Tenet’s (also somewhat soft) $30 million launch last weekend.

Movie theaters will probably come back eventually, because as long as people are willing to pay a premium to see a movie six months early then studios are turning those people upside down and shaking every penny they can out of their pockets. But that’s going to happen until at least 2022. In the meantime, film studios are going to have to explore other ways to make money, because it turns out kissing Chinese Communist ass isn’t cutting it.

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Chris Hemsworth Confirms He Isn’t Handing Over Role of Thor Anytime Soon

Marvel Studios thinks you’re stupid and they didn’t use to. I don’t know when it started, but their marketing relies more and more on telling you things that are obviously not true and hoping you believe them, like that everyone who died in Infinity War would stay dead or that Natalie Portman was going to become Thor.

Now, yes, Portman’s Jane Foster “became” Thor in the comics for a little bit but we all knew that was going to last about as long as Jean-Paul Valley being Batman or Superman being dead. Thor is Thor, Peter Parker is Spider-Man and Bruce Wayne is Batman, and those things aren’t going to change, ever.

Marvel has been promoting Thor: Love and Thunder as if Chris Hemsworth would be handing his hammer over to Natalie Portman and them I don’t know, fucking off to medical school as crippled student Donald Blake, which was a real thing the comics did when Thor was still a Captain Marvel clone (the Shazam one, not the Brie Larson one).

Hemsworth recently confirmed what we all knew, though, and it was that he wasn’t planning on going anywhere anytime soon. Here’s what he said in an interview with Polish magazine Elle Man, via Variety when he was asked if he was going to retire from the MCU.

“Are you crazy?! I’m not going into any retirement period. Thor is far too young for that. He’s only 1,500 years old,” he said. “It’s definitely not a film that I say goodbye to this brand. At least I hope so.”

My guess is that Portman will get a version of Thor’s destroyed hammer Mjolnir somehow, through time-travel shenanigans or something, maybe Loki brings it with him from that timeline where he didn’t die in Infinity War or something. Thor will continue to be Thor and Jane Foster will use his old hammer to be Thunderstrike or something.

Did anyone really believe that Marvel was going to replace Thor before Hemsworth wanted to quit? It’s not like Disney pushed Robert Downey, Jr. or Chris Evans out the door, they’d still be making Avengers movies if they wanted and I’m not sure Evans’ giant hog would even make it through the door if he didn’t want it to.

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Racism Solved: Oscars Will Require Best Picture Nominees to Employee At Least Three Women or People of Color

The Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences announced new inclusivity guidelines that films will have to meet if they want to be considered for Best Picture on Tuesday night and boy do they amount to nothing.

There’s a lot to unpack on what exactly a film has to do to meet two of the four inclusivity guidelines, so let me kind of break it down.

STANDARD A:  ON-SCREEN REPRESENTATION, THEMES AND NARRATIVES

To meet standard A, a film must have one non-white actor in a leading or “major” supporting role OR 30% of the ensemble must be women, people of color, LGBT or disabled OR the film’s main plot must be centered on women, people of color, LGBT people or disabled people.

So you have Scarlett Johansson playing a trans woman in a biopic? Boom, you meet the guidelines. I think every single Marvel movie has met these guidelines just by including Zoe Saldana, Sam Jackson, Don Cheadle or that fat kid from the Spider-Man movies. I actually think Birth of a Nation and all those Nazi propagandist films by Leni Riefenstahl qualify under the last criteria, they are certainly about “underrepresented groups.”

STANDARD B: CREATIVE LEADERSHIP AND PROJECT TEAM

I barely feel the need to explain this one because basically every Hollywood film ever made qualifies for it already.

The criteria are that two of the following must be a woman, a person of color, LGBT person or disabled person and one must be a person of color: Casting Director, Cinematographer, Composer, Costume Designer, Director, Editor, Hairstylist, Makeup Artist, Producer, Production Designer, Set Decorator, Sound, VFX Supervisor, Writer OR six people in other technical positions must be people of color OR 30% of the crew, in general, must be women, people of color, LGBT or disabled.

Other than Director most of those roles in films are already filled by women and people of color. Quick, name a white male Costume Designer who isn’t Mark Bridges.

The other two qualifications are just having internships for underrepresented groups or having a marketing executive in the company from one of those groups.

These changes don’t take effect until 2024.

You’re going to hear a lot about this for a few days, with one side saying it’s an important step for minority representation and the other side saying it’s affirmative action; it’s not actually either. I don’t think a single film nominated for Best Picture in the past decade would fail to meet even the first two categories and any that did would for sure meet the second two, so this probably won’t create any additional opportunities for underrepresented people. It’s just typical corporate “look how inclusive we are while we’re actually not doing anything at all” nonsense.

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Robert Pattinson Has COVID? Batman Can’t Have COVID

COVID is getting so bad that it’s now attacking our most popular superheroes. Batman has COVID. Hasn’t he been through enough? His parents were killed in front of him, his son was killed, he had to hang out with Jason Todd and he was played by George Clooney. Leave the man alone.

We got reports on Thursday that production on The Batman had been shut down because a crew member tested positive for COVID, and then a few hours later we got the news that Robert Pattinson was the person who had tested positive from Vanity Fair.

Warner Bros. would not comment on any individual worker’s health, sharing only this statement: “A member of The Batman production has tested positive for Covid-19, and is isolating in accordance with established protocols. Filming is temporarily paused.” Vanity Fair confirmed through a highly placed source that Pattinson was the individual who became sick.

You don’t see Superman getting COVID, that’s all I’m saying.

Earlier Thursday Lili Reinhart talked about how she felt like a prisoner on the set of Riverdale, saying “I genuinely feel like a prisoner, going back to work, because I cannot leave Canada. That doesn’t feel good. You can’t go home for Thanksgiving, can’t visit your family. No one can come visit you unless they quarantine for two weeks.”

The alternative is getting COVID. If we want to film movies and TV shows we basically need to do it in closed ecosystems where everyone involved is in the camp together and they’re locked down during shooting, it’s the only way to stay safe. You’d also want to do post-production remotely to minimize the number of people in one place.

Eventually, we’ll have a vaccine or the virus and we can get back to normal; until then, be like Batman and wear a mask. But not one like he wears, that mask clearly does nothing. Wear a Bane mask, Bane isn’t getting COVID any time soon.

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Robert Pattinson Tests Positive for Coronavirus, Halts Production on The Batman

The Caped Crusader has met an enemy he cannot defeat:

The coronavirus.

Robert Pattinson on Red Carpet

According to Vanity Fair, Robert Pattinson has tested positive for the COVID-19-.

As a result, filming of The Batman has been halted... just days after the superhero blockbuster resumed work at studios outside of London.

Warner Bros. has not confirmed this news specificially, but the production studio did tell Vanity Fair in a statement:

"A member of The Batman production tested positive for Covid-19, and is isolating in accordance with established protocols. Filming is temporarily paused.”

The Robert Pattinson

This is the second time the wildly anticipated has been forced too stop production, with the first being in March as the coronavirus pandemic swept through the globe.

The film, whose trailer lit the Internet on fiire just a few years ago, is scheduled to star Pattinson as Bruce Wayne/Batman in the character’s early years as a detective and vigilante.

The Batman is slated to open in theaters on Octoberr 1, 2021.

But no one can say for certain whether this date will be met and shooting/editing will be finished in time.

Robert Pattinson is Cute

Pattinson, for his part, has not yet said anything about this reported diagnosis.

But he told GQ earlier this summer that he was social distancing in a London apartment, rented for him by WarnerBros., with girlfriend Suki Waterhouse.

"Literally, I'm just barely doing anything," he told the outlet in May, noting that he's mostly ignored his trainer, also hired for him by The Batman crew.

Robert Pattinson Smirks

Despite the initial delay in production, director Matt Reeves was able to piece together a teaser for the DC Comics picture at the virtual DC FanDome event last month.

Reeves said that, prior to the shutdown, they were able to film about "25 percent" of the movie, some of which can be seen in the aforementioned trailer.

"As many of you probably already know, we were in the beginning stages of production when COVID hit, so now I'm very anxious to get back to work and continue to form this beloved character," Pattinson (virtually) said at this same event.

"I've always been a massive fan."

Robert Pattinson as Batman

He added just two weeks ago:

"I'm not really allowed to share anything, so I'm going to hand it over to the great Matt Reeves who's somewhere around here, and he can determine what can and can't be talked about," he added.

Reeves, meanwhile, also confirmed at DC FanDome virtual day that his new iteration of the Dark Knight saga takes place during Batman Year Two in the comic book cycle.

It will depict The Riddler, the Penguin and Catwoman as their early selves, before they’re fully realized into their legendary villains.

Robert Pattinson: Batman!

Zoe Kravitz will star as Selina Kyle in the movie, while Paul Dano, Colin Farrell, Jeffrey Wright, Andy Serkis and John Turturro will also be featured.

We'll update this story with more on Pattinson's condition as the information becomes available.

We hope he's feeling okay.

John Waters Is a Good Salesman

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John Boyega Says Disney’s ‘Star Wars’ Isn’t as Woke as it Claims To Be

Everything in society sort of becomes a culture war issue today. Have you ever had a friend get mad at you for wanting to eat at Chik-Fil-A because they’re an evil corporation when they only thing you care about is of the chicken tastes good? Or tell you that only sexists didn’t like Ghostbusters even though it was clearly an objectively terrible movie that traded the charm of the original in an attempt to copy what Marvel was doing at the time? Maybe you heard a rant about how Adventure Time is forcing an SJW homosexual agenda because… I’m not sure why, I kind of tune those out.

One of the biggest dumb culture war fights recently has been over Star Wars and specifically how Disney’s Star Wars sequels are super woke and the only reason people didn’t like them is because those people are terrible racists. You’ve probably heard about “The Fandom Menace“ and how terrible and toxic they are, not like the good, wholesome Star Wars fans who like the Disney movies more than the original trilogy.

John Boyega, the star of those movies, doesn’t think that they’re very woke, though, and he told GQ he feels the movies pushed it’s diverse cast aside in favor of the two white people who appealed to shippers, the actual toxic fans in any fandom.

“Like, you guys knew what to do with Daisy Ridley, you knew what to do with Adam Driver,” he says. “You knew what to do with these other people, but when it came to Kelly Marie Tran, when it came to John Boyega, you know f**k all. So what do you want me to say? What they want you to say is, ‘I enjoyed being a part of it. It was a great experience…’ Nah, nah, nah. I’ll take that deal when it’s a great experience. They gave all the nuance to Adam Driver, all the nuance to Daisy Ridley. Let’s be honest. Daisy knows this. Adam knows this. Everybody knows. I’m not exposing anything.”

Search your feelings, you know it to be true.

The plot of The Last Jedi was basically “a diverse group of young, exciting girls-getters rebel against the chain of command on a secret mission to save the fleet and are totally wrong and learn a valuable lesson about listening to old white ladies. Meanwhile, those two characters you want to f**k each other totally look at each other like they’re going to f**k and Luke Skywalker hated the prequels so much he went crazy.”

I don’t blame Boyega for being angry about his role specifically. All the advertising for the first movie was about his character and painted him as the next Luke Skywalker, but then they made Rey into Luke Skywalker and Han Solo and Finn got to be C-3PO.

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Sylvester Stallone Announces Plan to Ruin ‘Rocky IV’, Releasing Directors Cut Without Paulie’s Robot

Rocky IV is an incredible movie that shows the Cold War through the fight between scrappy city kid Rocky Balboa and Ivan Drago, a monster of a man who has the backing of the entire Soviet government at his disposal. If you overlook that it’s essentially Reagan-era propaganda, the contrast is a clever way to bring Rocky back to its roots as a David vs Goliath tale after Rocky became the champion in Rocky II.

For the 35th anniversary of Rocky IV, Sylvester Stallone is working on a director’s cut of the film, which I guess we can call The Stallone Cut. It sounds awesome.

Sounds awesome. It sounds awesome but it won’t be because Sylvester Stallone apparently hates everything that is good and pure in the world.

You see, the heart and soul of Rocky IV is the robot that Rocky buys his brother-in-law Paulie for his birthday.

Stallone replied to comments inquiring about the robot by saying “The robot is going to the junkyard forever. No more robot,” and “I don’t like the robot anymore.”

Now, far be it from me to wildly speculate, but let’s wildly speculate. The easiest explanation for why Sly wants to get rid of the robot is that people have made fun of it for 35 years and essentially think it killed the Rocky franchise as if it really had anywhere else to go at the time.

Stallone is probably embarrassed because he was really excited about the robot at the time because the robots SICO, was actually part of his son Seth’s autism treatment.

I’m not saying that removing the robot will completely destroy the soul of the film or anything, but if you have a choice between two versions of a movie, one with an awesome 80s robot and one without, which one would you choose?

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Ben Affleck Is Back As Batman

I’ll bet you thought you’re seen the last of Ben Affleck’s Batman when you saw that god-awful Joss Whedon Justice League movie. I mean, they hired that dreamy Robert Pattinson to play Batman and the DCEU looks to be DOA, so no more Batfleck.

But he’s coming back. You can’t stop the Batfleck.

It turns out that Ezra Miller choking the s**t out of some lady is basically no big deal and certainly not a reason to not make a Flash movies, seeing as how Flash is the top show on The CW, Warner is not going to just let that money on the table.

And The Hollywood Reporter reports that Ben Affleck’s Batman will appear alongside Barry Allen in that film.

“He’s a very substantial part of the emotional impact of the movie. The interaction and relationship between Barry and Affleck’s Wayne will bring an emotional level that we haven’t seen before,” Muschietti told Vanity Fair‘s Anthony Breznican  “It’s Barry’s movie, it’s Barry’s story, but their characters are more related than we think. They both lost their mothers to murder, and that’s one of the emotional vessels of the movie. That’s where the Affleck Batman kicks in.”

Before anyone gets any ideas, Barry Allen’s mother’s name is Nora and not Martha.

Ive heard this Flash movie is based on Flashpoint, a storyline where Barry goes back in time to stop Eobard Thawne, the Reverse Flash, from killing his mother and creates a whole new timeline where Aquaman and Wonder Woman are at war and Thomas Wayne became Batman after a mugger killed his wife and son. It could be a big cosmic reset button the DCEU, because that’s what DC Comics used it for.

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Netflix Coming-of-Age Film ‘Cuties’ Accused of Sexualizing Minors

Netflix recently unveiled the poster for French coming-of-age drama Cuties, known as Mignonnes in French, and boy was the internet not pleased about it, claiming the poster inappropriately sexualized its pre-teen cast, especially compared to the original French poster.

Now, personally, I can’t see anything sexualized because all my mental bandwidth is consumed with trying to figure out why they photoshopped Billy Baldwin’s face onto that blonde girl.

I thought it was obvious that was supposed to look like a child beauty pageant or Olympic gymnastics or something like that, but judging by my Twitter feed it seems a lot of people thought Netflix was advertising child pornography. My first clue that this wasn’t going to be anything close to child pornography is that it was screened at Sundance and is on fucking Netflix.

There’s a trailer for the film on YouTube.

It kind of looks like Bend it Like Beckham only with dancing instead of soccer and without the dangling plot threads of a lesbian love story that had been removed at the last minute. Yeah, that scene of Jules’ mother yelling at Jesminder and calling her a lesbian actually makes sense now, doesn’t it?

Now I haven’t seen Cuties because it isn’t out yet and I wasn’t invited to Sundance, but reviews of the film seem to agree that it is about the characters struggling with the sexualization of young girls and falls firmly on the side of “it’s bad.” So the lesson here is that maybe you should watch movies before you start a campaign to have it eradicated from the face of the Earth.

And let’s not forget that if Netflix had it put out this oddly sexual poster that they changed and apologized for, they wouldn’t have gotten all this free press and social media buzz. So I’m sure they learned their lesson.

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Steven Spielberg is Adding Black Characters to ‘West Side Story’ Because He Doesn’t Understand How Diversity Works

Gosh, Steven Spielberg means well, but the road to hell is paved with good intentions. He wants to do something good by adding Black characters to his remake of West Side Story. According to CNN, he says “In 1957, in New York City, there were a lot of Black people walking around. But unfortunately, when they created the original version there weren’t a lot of Black people in it. This time I think they decided to include the landscape as it really was. I’m so fortunate that I am the representation of it.”

Now, there is a reason that there weren’t a lot of Black characters in West Side Story: it’s about an all-White gang, the Jets and their racially-motivated rivalry with a Puerto Rican gang, the Sharks.

The story is based on Romeo and Juliette, with Tony, a Jet, falling in love with Maria, the sister of the Sharks’ leader Bernardo.

So I guess the question here is which would be more accidentally racist: making these new black characters members of the Jets or the Sharks?

One of two things is going to happen here: we’re going to have some minor, background Black characters in this movie or we’re going to see a major Black character taking part in a turf war between a White gang and a Puerto Rican gang. There are Black Puerto Ricans so maybe that will work.

But something to keep in mind here is that you don’t have to watch this. It doesn’t need to be made. If you want to see West Side Story, just go watch West Side Story. Natalie Wood and Rita Moreno are in it and it’s one of the best Broadway musicals of all time. You don’t need a remake.

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‘Mulan’ Coming to Disney+… For a Price. ‘Black Widow’ Rumored to be Next

Movie theaters are not coming back any time soon. You need to just make your peace with that, especially if you’re a movie theater owner or a motion picture production company. It’s just not going to happen. Countries that thought they had the coronavirus beat and were doing a lot better than the US are having to shut down again; the cramped spaces where we go to sit and breathe recycled air and eat food other people have had their hands all over aren’t going to open up until probably next summer at the earliest.

Disney seems to have gotten that message as they’ve stopped holding back their live-action Mulan and are putting it on Disney+. There’s a catch, though; when the film debuts on September 4th, subscribers will have to pay an extra $30 to access it on top of the monthly fee for the streaming service. Unlike other recent PVOD releases of movies that were originally headed to theaters, this isn’t a rental and subscribers who pay the fee will have access to Mulan for as long as they’re subscribed to the service.

It’s been over a year since a new Marvel movie released and everyone in the world thinks this is a dry-run for Black Widow, which is currently scheduled to come out in theaters November 6th but we all know there is no way that is happening.

Disney makes most of their money from movies and theme parks and neither of those are great businesses to be in during a pandemic. The Disney parks that are actually open still aren’t exactly seeing booming business because most people don’t think seeing the Hall of Presidents is worth risking a potentially fatal respiratory disease, they need to start bringing money in and they are sitting on multiple Marvel movies which are going to bring in money no matter what.

I think, as seems to be the consensus, if Mulan does well then we’re going to see Black Widow released the same way. I don’t think they can afford to sit on all these finished Marvel films until the pandemic is over. They’re trying to figure out a way that they can make the most money with these films so they’re testing the waters with Mulan before they get burned with a movie they actually expect to make money with.

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20 Worst Action Film Stars of All Time

Worst action stars

At any given time, there are about 8-10 sure-thing, bankable action stars in Hollywood. These are actors that directors and producers can cast into any role, and they are guaranteed a varied level of success – even if the film ends up being bad.

Then, there are the other actors that pursue roles in action films; they are actors that typically started out in comedy, athletes trying to break into movies, and of course, the B movie guys. The worst, we believe, are listed below. They are the worst twenty action film stars of all time.

Jay Leno- Collision Course

After 17 years of hosting The Tonight Show, Jay Leno became a household name. But before he took over duties from Johnny Carson, he was just another actor/comedian. And in 1989 he stared in the action flop Collision Course. The movie was pitched in the same vein as Beverly Hills Cop, but unlike Murphy, Leno was not as funny on the silver screen as he was off. And thankfully he has since stayed off.

Worst One-liner: “I’m gonna bust your ass!”

Brigette Neilson – Red Sonja

During the Reagan Era, Hollywood seemed to jones for big budget action flicks. The studios didn’t spare any expense when they green lit Red Sonya. Back in the day Brigette Neilson was kick ass hot, but never kick ass. She played a better uptight Russian wife, than she did a kick ass medieval mistress.

Worst One-liner: “No man may have me unless he’s beaten me in a fair fight.”

Bruce Li – Everything He Ever Did

There was an obvious void in Hollywood when Bruce Lee died. To fill that void, certain studio executives decided to release Karate movies with action star Bruce Li. To say the least, the Brucesplotation didn’t last, and Li went back to his first dream, being a P.E. teacher.

Worst One-liner: “WAAAAAAAAA!”

Halle Berry – Catwoman

Halle Berry is hot, and Halle Berry is even a decent actress. But what Halle Berry is not is an action star. She has an affinity for playing comic characters, or sunbathing topless (Swordfish); Berry is best suited for roles where she is not wearing a fitted leather costume with strategically placed tears in it.

Worst One-liner: “White Russian, no ice, no vodka… hold the Kahlua.”

Steve Austin – What Was The Movie Called Again?

For some reason, big white guys on steroids think they can perfect their acting skills in the WWE. Steve Austin is no exception.

Worst One-liner: “Sounds like you’ve had a hard life…good thing it’s over!”

Corey Haim – Prayer For The Rollerboys

By 1991, Corey Haim was on the decline, and rollerblades were on their way to mainstream success. And for some reason,  a team of producers got together and thought Haim would be a good fit for the rollerblade-apocalypse movie known as Prayer for the Rollerboys. Haim starred as a kid who helps a gang of  ‘bladers save the world. This film simply should not have been created – ever.

Worst One-liner: “Speedbagger… Don’t hate me.”

Dolph Lundgren- Universal Soldier Franchise

Everyone knows that Rocky IV was awesome, and to this day I still think of Dolph Lundgren as a Soviet boxer. But, unfortunately for everyone, this guy continued to put out Universal Solider movies. There were 6 Universal Soldier movies from 1992 to 2012, and if you have seen one, you have seen them all – quite possibly the worst action film franchise of all time.

Worst One-liner: “Dying is easy, rock n roll is hard.”

George Clooney- Batman & Robin

There’s no doubt that George Clooney is a wildly successful actor-producer, but nothing can redeem his performance in Batman & Robin. Some blame Joel Schumaker, others blame the synthetic rubber suit, I just blame the casting director. Clooney is just too pretty to act in a rubber suit. It just wasn’t believable, and frankly, the only good thing to come from this movie was the Smashing Pumpkins opener and closer on the soundtrack.

Worst One-liner: “This is why Superman works alone.”

John Cena- The Marine

What do you get when you put a rapping wrestler in a big-budget action film? Alabama box office gold! Alabama and Tennessee are about the only place this movie did well. Furthermore, I understand it’s important to blow crap up in movies, but when there are more explosions than lines, you can tell the director is trying to hide the fact that his star can’t act.

Worst One-liner: “You married a marine, Kate.”

Shaq – Steel

Shaq can dunk a basketball, Shaq can block a shot, and Shaq can even get a master’s degree, (University of Phoenix) but one thing’s for sure– Shaq can’t act! When Shaq broke onto the NBA scene, Hollywood came knocking on his giant door. Hoping to match his success on the court with box office bucks, Shaq starred in a string of terrible kid-friendly action flicks. When people see his place in the Basketball Hall of Fame one day, hopefully, they’ll be able to forget his terrible excuse for an acting career.

Worst One-liner: “Man, Metal, STEEL!”

Martin Lawrence – Bad Boys I & II

Martin Lawrence was awesome on TV and as a comic. But being entirely honest, we’d rather see him act in drag than in action movies. Will Smith truly carried Bad Boys I & II, as Martin Lawrence was more like an annoying backseat driver than a believable cop.

Worst One-liner: “Damn, it’s the niggras!”

Brendan Fraser – Tarzan

To be honest, playing a thawed-out cave man showed the extent of Fraser’s acting talent. Since Encino Man, however, he hasn’t made much progress in the talent department. That’s not to say his movies aren’t entertaining, because they are. But the fact remains, CGI effects can never replace someone’s ability to act or lack thereof. Or their hair.

Worst One-liner: “Gazangas!”

Nicholas Cage – The Rock

You got to admit, Nicholas Cage carries himself pretty well for a man wearing hair plugs. But just because he carries himself well doesn’t mean he can perform in action films. Enjoying the fruits of nepotism since his start in the early 1980s, Cage (Coppola) peaked early with his performance as a drunk in Leaving Las Vegas.

It wasn’t until Cage was cast in The Rock with Sean Connery that he began this action hero bit. Since then it seems Cage has released at least one crappy action film per year. Nicholas Cage should have stuck to the roles that allowed him to display his true talent as the town drunk that he actually is.

Worst One-liner: “I love pressure. I eat it for breakfast.”

Hulk Hogan – Suburban Commando, and Everything Else

Anyone remember wrestling buddies? Those things were awesome, and if we’re honest, wrestling buddies have about as much acting talent as Hulk Hogan. Given, his target audience was pre-pubescent kids, his acting skills were about as convincing as Uncle Jesse playing an E.R. doctor. Although Hulk Hogan remains one of the most famous and highest grossing wrestlers of all time, his lack of talent for acting remains hideously obvious.

Worst One-liner: “I WON’T be around when this check clears!”

Gary Sinise – Imposter

No offense against Gary Sinise, but he’s a better Lt. Dan than he is a leading man. In 2001, Sinise was cast as the lead in a sci-fi action thriller, Imposter. You can tell the studio that made this mistake didn’t have high hopes for it since they released it in mid-January 2002. The only thing that could have made this movie better (worse?) is if Val Kilmer was cast as the lead.

Worst One-liner: “Only two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I’m not sure about the universe.”

Steven Segal- Everything He’s Ever Done (A lot)

When I think of Steven Segal the first thing that pops into my head is the random boob shots that always appear in all of his movies. Anyway, this guy is known more for his quick fighting hands than he is for his acting range. Despite the fact that he is elderly, he is continuing to keep the B-rated, low-budget, action genre alive.

Worst One-liner: [after crushing some guys skull] “Take some aspirin for that headache!”

John Stamos – Born To Ride

There’s a reason Uncle Jessie has been a TV star his entire career, three words, Born to Ride. The plot for the movie is: the Army decides to modernize its horse driven cavalry to motorcycles, and apparently this pisses off Stamos’ character. That’s about it. To emphasize Stamos’ character’s distain, the movies tag line reads, “He was born to break the rules.”

Worst One-liner: “Not the hair, C’mon.”

Triple H – Blade: Trinity

The first two Blade movies were pretty good, and through these films, Wesley Snipes proved he could play a badass vampire slayer. Then Blade: Trinity came out and Triple H from the WWE played a vampire vigilante in pursuit of Blade. Not even the awesomeness of Snipes could redeem H’s performance in this piece of douchebag snuff. Needless to say, this was Triple H’s one and only stab at the big screen, and boy did he suck… sorry, cheap laugh!

Worst One-liner: “Hey, dick-face. You seen my dog?”

Jennifer Garner- Elektra

Now I understand there are plenty of Alias fans out there that love Jenifer Garner, but did you see the fifth season? And did you see the movies in which she played Elektra? She may be the ultimate kick ass fan boy fantasy, but that in no means qualifies her to be an action star. And to make matters worse she married and started a family with one of the biggest douches in Hollywood, Ben Affleck.

Worst One-liner: “Don’t worry. Death’s not that bad.”

Vanilla Ice – Cool As Ice

I am convinced no one in the history of super celebrity rose or fell as fast as Vanilla Ice. People couldn’t get enough of this guy, and then all of a sudden they hated his guts. I kind of feel sorry for the bastard. Truth is though, this guy can’t act or rhyme worth crap, and once his sexy hot whiteness appeal wore off, the public was done. Seems that his terrible motorcycle action movie Cool As Ice, was what kick-started his decline, and for good reason. I believe this movie was only out in theaters for a weekend, and it tanked.

Worst One-liners: “Yeah, whackhead tried to play baseball with my homeboy’s bike!”

“Drop that zero and get with the hero!”

“I’m gonna go across the street and, uh, schling a schlong.”

“Looky, looky in Kat’s black booky.”

“You’re not wasting my time, I’m just cooling.”

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Sylvester Stallone Dominating Netflix as a Cartoon Superhero

Sylvester Stallone still box office gold. If you consider Netflix the box office.

“John Krasinski, Emily Blunt, Ian McKellen, Danny DeVito, Sylvester Stallone. That sounds like the cast of either a big budget blockbuster movie or an awards-baiting drama, but it’s actually the list of actors and actresses starring in an animated comedy that just landed on Netflix yesterday after having sat on the shelf for years collecting dust, unable to secure a theatrical release in the US.

…Netflix is now giving audiences in the States the chance to check out Animal Crackers…it’s absolutely dominating on the streaming site, securing the #3 spot on the Top 10 movies list and the #7 spot on the Top 10 overall list. Which isn’t too bad for a film that arrived with next to no buzz.” [We Got This Covered]

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16 Unique and Impressive On-Screen Transformations

Many movies require actors and actresses to wear costumes or to apply basic makeup to take on a specific role. Some directors may even require actors and actresses to change their hair color or lose weight.

Few movies, however, require its stars to undergo massive transformations for their roles-a select few of which are unique to the point that they create a memorable experience in and of themselves. From prosthetic body parts to changing one’s race, gender, or species, these are the most unique transformations that actors have undergone for their on-screen performances.

Brad Pitt – The Curious Case of Benjamin Button

In the film adaptation of F Scott Fitzgerald’s famous children’s book, Pitt plays a character that ages backward.

He went several transformations for this film, and it is not until the end do female moviegoers get to see the Brad Pitt they are used to. Certainly different than Pitt’s role in Fight Club.

Heath Ledger – Batman: The Dark Knight

Heralded as Ledger’s career defining performance, his portrayal of The Joker was quite different than that of his precursor, Jack Nicholson.

A nice touch was the subtler green hair, an overall more disturbed and disheveled appearance, and the “Chelsea Grin” facial scars. His portrayal of The Joker could easily be regarded as the only character in this franchise capable of giving children nightmares.

Charlize Theron – Monster

Theron takes a break from being unbelievably hot by gaining weight, aging 25 years, and not wearing makeup. And the denouement of her portrayal of a lesbian prostitute-turned-serial killer character is the bad fitting jeans that moms used to wear in the early 1990s.

Definitely a change of pace for Theron, and a look that we hope to not see her embrace again in the coming years, or ever.

Emma Thompson – Nanny McPhee

In this film, Thompson plays a haggard, wart-covered, and uni-browed nanny whose unflattering characteristics vanish upon the children entrusted to her care learning to mind her.

She is almost unrecognizable until then end of the movie, which makes you go…”Oh yeah…it’s Emma Thompson.”

Mike Myers – The Cat in the Hat

For The Cat in The Hat, Myers had the distinction of playing Dr. Seuss’ most famous character, and donned a full cat suit and whiskers in order to complete the transformation.

For this film, makeup guru Rick Baker was enlisted, who also did the makeup and special effects consulting on Hellboy and Norbit, among others.

Jim Carrey – The Grinch Who Stole Christmas

After filming The Mask, Carrey swore off future films involving intense makeup but claims he was unable to pass on this role.

Reportedly, the makeup and costume donned by Carrey for this film took between 3-8 hours to complete. This unique transformation seems as if it could not have been executed successfully, had it been anyone but Carrey.

Rebecca Romijn– X Men

Romijn’s makeup in X Men, was the culmination of the work of four make-up artists, a hundred small silicon prosthetics, lots of body paint, and nine hours of application per use. The end result is completely worth it.

According to Romijn, for X Men 2, the application time was shortened to six hours, which helped her from becoming an evil bitch woman.

Gwenyth Paltrow – Shallow Hal

Gwenyth Paltrow plays the love interest of Hal (Jack Black) in this 2001 comedy about a shallow man who eventually falls in love with a very fat (but inwardly beautiful woman), because he is hypnotized into believing she is outwardly beautiful.

The application of her bodysuit and accompanying make-up took four hours each time. The upside of seeing Paltrow wearing a fat suit in this film is also getting to see her real body in a thong.

Ron Pearlman – Hell Boy

Ron Pearlman is well known for having donned makeup and prosthetics for roles (Beauty and the Beast), but most impressive was what he became for the filming for the Hellboy Franchise.

Most of his red bodysuit was made of red latex, and the costume itself took 4 hours per application. The upside for Pearlman was that in this role, he got to be the baddest of all badasses.

Eddie Murphy – Norbit

For Norbit, Murphy enlisted the work of Rick Baker – with whom he worked on The Nutty Professor and Coming to America – to help create a multitude of other characters, all played by Murphy.

Probably the most outrageous of these, was “Rasputia Latimore”, an outrageously sex-crazed and obese woman, who becomes the overbearing wife of the film’s eponymous star. The bodysuit donned by Murphy for this role was definitely a masterpiece in and of itself.

Tom Cruise – Tropic Thunder

Tom Cruise’s cameo performance in Tropic Thunder surprised most moviegoers, and arguably stole the show with his depiction of a greedy and ruthless Hollywood producer.

For this role, Cruise’s diet-coke addicted “Les Grossman” donned a fat suit, bald wig, chest hair mat, and prosthetic hands, among others. It is widely speculated that the inspiration for this character was the human penis (a dick). Which makes a lot of sense if you were to think about it.

Robin Williams – Mrs. Doubtfire

Robin Williams’ portrayal as Mrs. Doubtfire in this 1993 comedy was so believable, that it made most people wonder if dressing in drag was his regular routine.

Interestingly, the prosthetic mask used in the film (which famously goes flying into the street), was actually a prop; Williams’ real facial makeup was a composite of eight separate pieces and a whole lot of blush.

John Travolta – Hairspray

In Hairspray, Travolta gives a surprisingly convincing performance as “Edna”, a character he envisioned to be Sophia Loren…if she were to gain 200 lbs.

This role required Travolta to undergo five hours of extensive makeup and prosthetics to complete his transformation. He even wore high heels in a number of scenes, which begs us to wonder how he was able to do so as effortlessly as he did. Experience?

Eric Stoltz – Mask

Based on a true story, Eric Stoltz plays a character whose mother is played by Cher, so naturally a serious physical disfigurement is to be expected.

However, in this film, he portrays more specifically a child suffering from craniodiaphyseal dysplasia. The massive prosthetic cranium earned Michael Westmore & Zoltan Elek an Academy Award for Best Makeup in 1985.

Selma Blair – A Dirty Shame

The normally small-chested Blair portrays a stripper named “Ursula Udders” in this 2004 offbeat film. The prosthetic breasts used in the film required four hours of make-up.

For the nude scene, her ‘nude’ version of the prosthetic breasts cost $5,000 and the studio’s lighting was so bright that the film only had several hours to film before the lights started to crack them. It was essentially a one-time use set, that was discarded shortly after.

John Matuszak – The Goonies

The one-time professional football player Matuszak famously transformed into everyone’s favorite childhood freak, Lotney “Sloth” Fratelli, in Spielberg’s 1986 The Goonies.

The application of his make up – which was quite groundbreaking at the time – took a total of five hours per application. Well worth it. Baby Ruth!

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Vanilla Ice Getting a Biopic Starring Dave Franco

Alright stop, Dave Franco is gonna make your year whenever this comes out. Franco confirmed he’ll be playing rapper Vanilla Ice in a biopic, tentatively titled To the Extreme. According to Production Weekly:

“From a high school dropout selling cars in Dallas to having the first hip-hop single to top the Billboard charts with ‘Ice Ice Baby,’ a young Vanilla Ice struggles with stardom, extortion attempts, and selling out as he makes music history.”

Franco says we’ll be surprised and will take a liking to Vanilla the same way we did with Tommy Wiseau in The Disaster Artist.

“With that movie, people expected us to make a broad comedy where we make fun of Tommy Wiseau, but the more real we played it, the funnier and heartfelt it was — that’s the tone we want for this one as well”

I, for one, cannot wait to see how they portray Suge Knight threatening to throw Vanilla Ice off a balcony unless he signed over his royalties.

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