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The Sexiest Movies on Netflix Right Now

You want a nice sexy movie on Netflix to watch. Where do you even begin to find the ones to match your mood? There’s a ton of choices on Netflix and luckily, we’ve narrowed down the sexiest films for you to stream.

This list runs the gamut from old-school romance to quite graphic and erotic seduction. Are you in the mood for the sensual or provocative? Take your pick from this collection. There’s straight-up sex. 20-somethings having one-night stands. Perhaps you enjoy older women seducing younger men. Maybe you want sensuous adventures between two women. Whatever you’re in the mood for, scan the list and go to town.

Now, break open a nice bottle of wine, throw a blanket over you and your significant other if you’ve got one, and get ready to journey through the best of Netflix’s sexiest movies right now.

Y Tu Mamá También

Cast: Daniel Giménez Cacho, Ana López Mercado, Diego Luna, Gael García Bernal

Sexy for: sexual exploration with older women

Y Tu Mamá También is a classic. This movie from 2001 tells the story of two horny, teenage boys (as if there’s anything but horny teenagers) and their sexcapades with an almost 30-year-old married woman. The movie opens with one of the teenagers butt-naked and thrusting in a sex scene with his girlfriend. Always a good sign for a sexy movie.

The three take a road trip where lots of sex is had. The older woman as an experienced sex guide will reel you in. But this classic has so much going below the surface. The story takes place in Mexico and the movie shows life between the haves and have-nots. It also ruminates on death in the context of living. But yea, classic movie for hot sex.

Watch Y Tu Mamá También on Netflix now

Blue Is the Warmest Color

Cast: Léa Seydoux, Adèle Exarchopoulos, Salim Kechiouche

Sexy for: sexual coming-of-age, French eroticism, passionate lesbian love

This movie is a classic coming-of-age story. And it’s set in France which is where all sexy movies seems to take place. When you finish this list of Netflix movies, book a flight to Paris stat.

Adèle (Adele Exarchopoulos) has a strong appetite. Both for food and sex. She keeps food stashed under her bed to satisfy her sweet tooth. However, her boyfriend doesn’t satisfy her sexual urges, so she searches elsewhere. That leads her to a lesbian bar where she finds the blue-haired Emma (Lea Seydoux). Emma gives Adèle what she wants.

The sex scenes are long and explicit. Variety says it had “the most explosively graphic lesbian sex scenes in recent memory.” Audiences even walked out during one of the movie’s longest sex scenes. So, you definitely have to watch this movie.

Watch this to satisfy your primal urges.

Watch Blue Is the Warmest Color on Netflix now

Eyes Wide Shut

Cast: Tom Cruise, Nicole Kidman

Sexy for: masked orgies, emotional betrayal, sexual exploration

Another classic in the pantheon of sexy movies. Lots of nudity and an orgy scene. Does that have your attention yet? Oh and it stars Tom Cruise and Nicole Kidman when they were in their prime.

The film opens with Alice Harford (Kidman) slipping out of her dress. And it only gets better. The married couple attends a Christmas party where a suave European tries to seduce Alice. “Don’t you think one of the trials of marriage is that it makes deception a necessity for both parties?’” That questions foreshadows one of the movie’s themes: the masks we wear.

Alice later confesses to Bill how she would’ve fallen for a handsome naval officer she met the previous summer. “I could hardly move” she admits. Although she adds that with just a push, she would’ve given up everything for this one person. Nothing happened, but no husband wants to hear what Alice just admitted.

What follows is Bill, a doctor, venturing out into the night for calls. Along the way, he encounters several sexual temptations. Eventually, he makes his way to an anonymous orgy where the participants wear masks and very little else. At least for the women. Again, the theme of the masks we wear pops up.

Watch the movie for sexual tension between Kidman and Cruise and lots of naked people. The story’s not bad either.

Watch Eyes Wide Shut on Netflix now

Magic Mike

Cast: Matthew McConaughey, Channing Tatum, Olivia Munn, Alex Pettyfer

Sexy for: Chippendales-type dancing, 6-pack abs, bawdy pleasure

Channing Tatum stripping, how can that not be sexy. Magic Mike put him on the map. It wouldn’t be a stretch to call this a classic. Maybe not The Godfather-type classic, but definitely campy-type classic. The movie starts out fun, but gets more serious as the story unwinds.

Tatum plays Magic Mike, a veteran male stripper. He takes young Adam (Alex Pettyfer) to Xquisite, a strip club in Tampa run by Dallas (Matthew McConaughey). Dallas convinces a hesitant Adam to strip. Adam acquiesces. Gradually, he gets turned onto drugs which is where the film gets darker. It also shines a light on the seedier side of male stripping. Meanwhile, Magic Mike also takes a liking to Adam’s sister, Brooke (Cody Horn). The film also explores their relationship.

If you’re a lady, watch for men thrusting pelvises in your face. If you’re a guy, watch the movie to learn some new moves for the bedroom.

Watch Magic Mike on Netflix now

Nymphomaniac Vol 1

Cast: Charlotte Gainsbourg, Stellan Skarsgård, Stacy Martin, Shia LaBeouf, Christian Slater

Sexy for: graphic sex scenes, naked body parts, emotional intimacy

As you can guess, the movie deals with nymphomania. Nymphomaniac Vol 1 released concurrently with Nymphomaniac Vol 2 back in 2014. This movie is legendary. Joe (Charlotte Gainsbourg) is a sex addict, a term she refuses to say. She ends up bloodied in an alley, rescued by Seligman (Stellan Skarsgard) and proceeds to tell him her story. The movie plays out through flashbacks with actress Stacy Martin playing Joe in the flashbacks.

We follow Joe as she seduces men for fun. Here’s Joe giving oral sex to a stranger on the train. And it’s very graphic to the point where you see ejaculation.

Here’s Shia LaBeouf putting his penis into Joe (or was his willy digitally enhanced?). There’s a ton of sex scenes like this, making this one of the classic sexiest, and raunchiest, movies on Netflix.

Nymphomaniac Vol 1 is the more sexual part, while Nymphomaniac Vol 2 is much darker, but no less sexier.

Watch Nymphomaniac Vol 1 on Netflix now

Nymphomaniac Vol 2

Cast: Charlotte Gainsbourg, Stellan Skarsgård, Stacy Martin, Shia LaBeouf, Christian Slater

Sexy for: emotional intimacy, S&M

Nymphomaniac Vol 2 delves deeper into the background of Joe and Seligman. Both characters were introduced in Nymphomaniac Vol 1. Seligman is as much an erudite as Joe is a sex addict. Also, Joe is married to Jerome (Shia LaBeouf) and has literally lost the ability to orgasm.

Nymphomaniac Vol 2 still has titillating scenes, such as Joe and a man named K who administers some S&M play involving rope and duct tape. She eventually develops a relationship with this man. This segues into explaining how Joe ended up beaten up in an alley.

Obviously, high on the sexy scale.

Watch Nymphomaniac Vol 2 on Netflix now

Sex And Lucia

Cast: Paz Vega, Tristán Ulloa, Najwa Nimri, Daniel Freire

Sexy for: island sex, erect wieners, Paz Vega naked

Lucia (Paz Vega) jets to Formentara, an island in Spain, after her boyfriend Lorenzo’s (Tristan Ulloa) apparent suicide. She runs into one of her boyfriend’s one-night stands, Elena (Najwa Nimri). Elena turns out to be Lucia’s landlady, but their tryst is unknown to Lucia. Slowly, Lucia learns about Elena, their love child…and a dog. *cocks head to side*

Watch for gorgeous island photography and sexy bodies.

Watch Sex And Lucia on Netflix now

Summertime

Cast: Cécile de France, Izïa Higelin, Noémie Lvovsky, Jean-Henri Compère

Sexy for: French love, seduction, artsy nudity

This 2015 film tells the sensual story of a love between two French women in the 1970’s. Carole (Cécile de France) seduces the younger, but sexually wiser, Delphine (Izïa Higelin) from Delphine’s husband. There’s a lot of lovemaking and nudity, but it’s classy. Watch for sex scenes amongst cows and lovers covertly sneaking in and out of each other’s bedrooms in the middle of the night.

Watch Summertime on Netflix now

Cruel Intentions

Cast: Sarah Michelle Gellar, Ryan Phillippe, Reese Witherspoon, Selma Blair

Sexy for: illicit sexual undertones, seduction, sensual tension

Netflix this 1999 movie starring a young Ryan Phillippe, Sarah Michelle Gellar, Reese Witherspoon and Selma Blair.

The wicked Kathryn Merteuil (Gellar) gets dumped by her boyfriend for the sweet Cecile (Blair). Kathryn urges her stepbrother Sebastian Valmont (Phillippe), who’s quite the seducer, to get back at her ex-boyfriend by bedding Cecile. Sebastian agrees, but happens across a new target, Annette (Witherspoon). Annette’s a virgin and Sebastian bets Kathryn he can take her virginity.

The bet is a kicker. If he loses, Kathryn gets his sports car. If he wins though, he gets to bone his stepsister Kathryn. Umm, ok. As you can imagine, there’s lots of sexual tension between step-siblings Kathryn and Sebastian. Lots of sexy talk and straight-forward approaches to sex.

Break out the wine for this Netflix movie.

Watch Cruel Intentions on Netflix now

Below Her Mouth

Cast: Erika Linder, Natalie Krill

Sexy for: lesbian romance, seduction

Obviously, you can’t go wrong with a title like Below Her Mouth. The plot can be summarized as lesbian sex between a Canadian roofer and a successful fashion editor.

Dallas (Erika Linder) plays the blue-collar roofer working on Jasmine’s (Natalie Krill) house next door. Jasmine’s husband spends a lot of time away on business. Dallas ends up working on the house next door when Jasmine catches her eyes. Dallas propositions Jasmine who initially resists. Her defenses break though, as evidenced by a bathtub masturbation scene with Dallas installing the roof next door.

Rated sexy for lots of girl-on-girl action.

Watch Below Her Mouth on Netflix now

Wetlands

Cast: Carla Juri, Christoph Letkowski, Marlen Kruse

Sexy for: graphic sexual imagery meant to shock

This movie is meant to shock. Be warned. But that also probably piqued your interest. It’s based on a best-seller Wetlands by Charlotte Roche, a German TV personality. Do not watch this movie on a full stomach.

In the very first scene, Wetlands exposes you to Helen (played by Swiss actress Carla Juri), on a public toilet littered with pubic hair and a floor slicked with unknown fluids. Normally, a toilet like that is an automatic pass, but Helen proceeds to wipe her vagina all around it.

Subsequent scenes include lots of vaginal fluid, semen-enhanced pizza, Helen and her friend exchanging used tampons and doing things you do not want to know. Beyond the gross-out moments, director David Wnendt “has made a compelling and complex portrait of girlhood.” So, it’s not all for shock.

Watch Wetlands on Netflix now

Adore

Cast: Naomi Watts, Robin Wright, Xavier Samuel, James Frecheville

Sexy for: older women/younger women sex, beach romance

Mid-40’s lusty mothers swap sons in Australia. That’s not the tagline Adore used, but they could’ve. The movie stars Roz (Robin Wright) and Lil (Naomi Watts) as two close friends who share everything.

Roz’s husband gets assigned to a job in Sydney. That leaves Roz and Lil to enjoy their time with their sons, Tom (James Frecheville) and Ian (Xavier Samuel). The women comment that “their sons are like gods wandering among us.” That line is based on Doris Lessing’s book, The Grandmothers, which inspired the movie. Pretty soon, all four enjoy their time together, drunken dinners, dancing, and no, it doesn’t stop there.

Roz hooks up with Ian, Lil’s son. Meanwhile, Roz’s son, Tom, gets revenge by bedding Lil. So, you have older women/younger men dynamics along with son swapping thrown in for good measure. Definite must watch for sexiness.

Watch Adore on Netflix now

On The Road

Cast: Sam Riley, Garrett Hedlund, Kristen Stewart, Amy Adams, Elisabeth Moss

Sexy for: free love, threesomes

Kristen Stewart, Amy Adams, Kirsten Dunst and Elisabeth Moss star in this take on On the Road by Jack Kerouac. Sal Paradise (Sam Riley) drives across the country. Along the way, he meets the free-spirited Dean Moriarty (Garrett Hedlund). Dean has a 16-year old companion Marylou, played by Kristen Stewart. There’s threesomes, prostitution and a string of jilted lovers in Dean’s wake.

This came out in 2012, a year after Stewart’s role as Bella Swan in The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn – Part 1. Check out this Netflix movie to see a sultry, 22-year-old Stewart lie completely naked in the back of a car.

Watch On The Road on Netflix now

Room in Rome

Cast: Elena Anaya, Natasha Yarovenko, Enrico Lo Verso, Najwa Nimri

Sexy for: sensuous, steamy lesbian sex, intimacy

A one-night stand between two women, one straight and the other gay, turns from steamy sex into revelations of truths and lies. Alba (Elena Anaya) from Spain meets Russian Natasha (Natasha Yarovenko) at a bar in Rome. Alba, a lesbian, seduces Natasha to return to Alba’s hotel room. The two engage in some very erotic sex, including a novel use for a bottle. Alba tells Natasha she’ll give her “the better orgasm of her life.” Grammar notwithstanding, she seems to back up her promise.

The one-night stand isn’t the end of the story though. Each take turns in revealing something about themselves. Are their secrets true? Are they false? That’s part of the continued seduction. And part of the danger.

Also, Natasha looks like Ivanka Trump, so there’s that.

Watch Room in Rome on Netflix now

Young and Beautiful

Cast: Marine Vacth, Géraldine Pailhas, Frédéric Pierrot, Fantin Ravat, Johan Leysen, Georges Ferriere

Sexy for: young woman’s sexual awakening

French director François Ozon’s movie opens with a brother spying on his topless sister through binoculars on a French beach. Ooook. For some reason, her brother is put off, yet intrigued, by his 17-year-old sister’s budding sexuality. Her brother’s curiosity isn’t the thrust of the movie though.

The sister, Isabelle (Marine Vacth), eventually loses her virginity to a German guy. Yet, this leaves her unsatisfied. She turns to prostitution before the new school year. Each client is a random, clinical sexual act to her until she meets an elderly man named Georges (Johan Leysen). Georges ignites, or perhaps unlocks, some emotions within Isabelle that only the sexual relations between the two can bring out.

Watch Young and Beautiful on Netflix now

Suntan

Cast: Makis Papadimitriou, Elli Tringou, Dimi Hart, Hara Kotsali

Sexy for: vacation sex in Greece, young beach bodies

Do you like seeing a bunch of hot, suntanned, young, nubile bodies? You’ll get that in this movie. You’ll also get a middle-aged, pasty, heavyset Greek doctor, Dr. Kostis (Makis Papadimitriou) who lusts after these young women when he lands on the Greek island of Antiparos for work. Clear mid-life crisis.

One of these young women, Anna (Elli Tringou), actually takes an interest in him. This overjoys him and he becomes her lapdog as this movie becomes progressively darker towards its conclusion.

Great for anyone who misses being younger than 30 or enjoys watching perfect bodies rolling around on the beach and in the ocean.

Watch Suntan on Netflix now

The Little Death

Cast: Bojana Novakovic, Josh Lawson, Damon Herriman, Kate Mulvany,

Sexy for: erotic fantasies, deaf sex

The title for the movie, The Little Death, is translated from French where it means an orgasm. So, that there is a good sign. The movie follows five couples in Australia and their various sexual fantasies.

The fantasies run the gamut from rape scenarios to a husband “exploring” his wife after she takes his sleeping pills. Bill Cosby’s ears just perked up.

According to some reviewers, the last vignette steals the show. It features the hearing impaired and phone sex. That there is an SNL sketch that needs to be made.

Monica (Erin James, a bit of a Sally Hawkins lookalike), who works at a Skype-like video service translating phone calls for the deaf. On a slow night, she winds up on a call with Sam (T.J. Power), only to find that he wants her to mediate his conversation with a phone-sex operator (Genevieve Hegney).

Watch The Little Death on Netflix now

Palm Trees In The Snow

Cast: Mario Casas, Adriana Ugarte, Macarena García, Alain Hernández, Berta Vázquez

Sexy for: old-fashioned romance, class differences & illicit love

The movie talks about interracial love in 1970’s Africa. It opens with an interracial love scene between Kilian (Mario Casas), a Spaniard, and Bisila (Berta Vazquez), a Guinean woman. The couple get torn apart for reasons we don’t know yet. Seeing how the setting is interracial love, you can probably guess why. Later in the modern day, Clarence (Adriana Ugarte), Kilian’s daughter, buries her father within snow-tinged mountains. She discovers her family has secrets and the movie cuts back and forth between Clarence’s story and her father’s.

Supposedly, it’s Spain’s answer to Out of Africa, another movie about love and colonialism. It’s also another movie adaptation on the list. This one comes from the book Palm Trees in the Snow by Luz Gabas.

Carve out three hours from your Saturday night and Netflix this passionate movie about love and colonialism.

Watch Palm Trees In The Snow on Netflix now

I Am Love

Cast: Tilda Swinton, Flavio Parenti, Edoardo Gabbriellini, Alba Rohrwacher

Sexy for: classy nudity, love between social classes

Tilda Swinton plays Emma Recchi, a Russian who marries into the Recchis. They’re an upper-class Italian family who made their money in textiles. Emma’s daughter, Elisabetta (Alba Rohrwacher), awakens the sexual lionness inside Emma when she admits she’s in love with another woman. This sets Emma off on an affair with Antonio, her husband’s friend, whom she chases onto a sofa. There they bone with birds singing outside.

I Am Love has an old-school sexiness to it. Best watched with fancy wine and a thick comforter.

Watch I Am Love on Netflix now

Bang Gang

Cast: Finnegan Oldfield, Marilyn Lima, Lorenzo Lefèbvre, Daisy Broom

Sexy for: French teen romance, orgies, sex parties

Teen sex aided by copious amounts of Ecstasy, coke and pot. Naked bodies, boy-girl sex, it’s just another day in France for George (Marilyn Lima), her friend Laetitia (Daisy Broom) and Alex (Finnegan Oldfield). Within the opening scenes, you have a naked woman running out of a house. That’s just in the first 30 seconds.

George is the sexually aggressive one, while Laetitia is more reserved. Alex, meanwhile, is some sort of manipulator-in-training who plays the two against each other.

It’s basically Larry Clark’s notorious film, Kids, set in France. You have teens playing spin the bottle and truth and dare. Naturally, these turn into orgies and sex parties which is what the title Bang Gang refers to. Why else does anyone play spin the bottle?? This movie will help you relive your teenage past or show you what you missed out on.

Watch Bang Gang on Netflix now

A Perfect Ending

Cast: Barbara Niven, Jessica Clark, John Heard

Sexy for: lesbian sex, younger woman/older woman relations, emotional intimacy

This movie focuses on two lesbians from different worlds. It got its start on Kickstarter, raising over $50,000 to shoot. You have Rebecca (Barbara Niven), a 50-something upscale socialite, unsatisfied with her romantic and sexual life, who admits to her friends she’s never had an orgasm. That sounds more like a tragedy, not a sexy movie, but sexiness does follow.

Naturally, her friends jump in to help. They set her up with an escort, Paris (Jessica Clark), which is what I assume all girlfriends do to help out their friends.

Rebecca is smitten with Paris and reveals a dark secret. The movie that “starts as a comedy of errors ends up a uniquely erotic journey.”

Sexy for the relationship between Paris and Rebecca and their sensual scenes together.

Watch A Perfect Ending on Netflix now

Love

Cast: Aomi Muyock, Karl Glusman, Klara Kristin, Ugo Fox

Sexy for: sensual French romance, graphic lovemaking, passionate young people

Love tells director Gaspar Noe’s semi-autobiographical story of romance. The story takes place in France (naturally, all sexy movies do). The relationship between Murphy (Karl Glusman), an American film student, and Electra (Aomi Muyock) gets told in reverse via flashbacks, starting with Murphy’s new relationship with his girlfriend and baby. Mixed in are scenes of mutual masturbation, transsexual orgies and swollen penises. Probably wanna watch this movie with the blinds drawn.

Watch Love on Netflix now

Neon Bull

Cast: Juliano Cazarré, Maeve Jinkings, Vincius de Oliveira

Sexy for: cowboy love

This movie takes place in the Brazilian rodeo world. So, naturally stud vaqueiros (cowboys) having sex. There’s also a horse being masturbated, pregnant sex and lots of cowboy dongs flip-flopping about.

The actual story is about the lives of these Brazilian vaqueiros. It mostly focuses on Iremar (Juliano Cazarre), a cowboy who loves to sew clothes (gender reversal, another theme the movie explores) for exotic dancer Galega (Maeve Jinkings). The two may or may not have had a thing, but when another young buck Junior (Vincius de Oliveira) gets hired, there’s even more competition for Galega’s attention.

Come for the sexy, stay for a look into Brazilian rodeo.

Watch Neon Bull on Netflix now

Fragments of Love

Cast: Laura Aleman, Angélica Aragón, Angelica Blandon, Alfredo De Quesada

Sexy for: blinding passion, titillation, passionate lovemaking

Set in Columbia, Rodrigo (Jose Angel Bichir), a piano-tuner and former composer, falls for Susana (Angelica Blandon) who arouses him with stories of her past sexual encounters. Each night she tells him one story which inspires him to compose music again. Eventually, Susana leaves her fiancée for Rodrigo; however, Rodrigo becomes obsessed with making sure she’s faithful. Rodrigo is now a “fragment” of her love.

Lots of lovemaking scenes and nudity, and these actors don’t seem to be wearing modesty patches in their sex scenes.

Watch Fragments of Love on Netflix now

Long Nights Short Mornings

Cast: Shiloh Fernandez, Ella Rae Peck, Paten Hughes, Natalia Dyer

Sexy for: amorous lovemaking in random places, millenial dating

James (Shiloh Fernandez) is a 20-something guy who bones his way through New York City. He’s a cold womanizer who feels guilt about his emotionless sexual encounters. Natalia Dyer (Stranger Things) makes a notable appearance as James attempts to romance her for some cocaine.

The film is broken up into vignettes named after each woman James has sexed up. Watch for some hot kitchen and hallway sex.

Watch Long Nights Short Mornings on Netflix now

Newness

Cast: Nicholas Hoult, Laia Costa, Danny Huston, Courtney Eaton

Sexy for: millenial sex and romance, one-night stands

Millenial sexual relationships in the age of apps. That’s the gist of the story. Martin Hallock (Nicholas Hoult) meets Gabi Silva (Laia Costa) off Winx, a hookup app. Each have been using it to great success (of course). Both get matched one night and agree to hook up. Gabi tells Martin that she’s obsessed with “constant newness,” but the two discover, wow, you mean talking to someone and not just hooking up with them, actually is just as fulfilling.

Gabi and Martin decide to test out an open relationship after they kinda get bored with each other. That leads them to get super turned on watching each other flirt. That leads to even more sex. There are pretty raunchy sex scenes between the two. It’s millenial sex, go watch it now.

Watch Newness on Netflix now

Liberated: The New Sexual Revolution

Cast: A bunch of college students, it’s a documentary

Sexy for: college sport sex conquests

Do you miss college spring break? Well, this film documents sex and college kids on spring break in Panama City, Florida. Hookup culture minus Tinder gets the spotlight here. One student sums it up:

“We usually go in with a chat and compliment the girl on how good-looking she is . . . and she’ll just fall for it.”

Hmm.. :/. It’s all fun and games and young, sun-kissed bodies until the filmmakers bring up sexual assault and rape that young women encounter during these moments. Titillating, educational and kinda depressing.

Watch Liberated: The New Sexual Revolution on Netflix now

The post The Sexiest Movies on Netflix Right Now appeared first on The Blemish.

Probable Spoilers for Avengers 4 Leak Online

Before we get started here, this is going to have spoilers for Avengers: Infinity War and probably for the untitled Avengers 4. So you’ve been warned.

Back in January 2017, an anonymous poster to 4chan gave a plot outline to Avengers: Infinity War that he claimed come from having insider knowledge of the project. It was largely dismissed based on some of his more outlandish claims, such as the return of the Red Skull as the keeper of the Soul Gem. When the movie came out, it mostly followed the plot of this anonymous leaker’s post. There were some differences, such as Hulk popping out of the Hulkbuster armor not happening, but that’s the sort of detail that could have changed in post-production. He got so much right, and so many details everyone found unbelievable that actually happened, that he had to have had inside information.

Well, he’s allegedly come back and brought spoilers for the still-untitled Avengers 4. The post has already disappeared from 4chan due to the way that website functions, but I’ve got the full text of the post below.

Iron Man reassembles the Avengers and decides to build his own Infinity Gauntlet to undo everything that Thanos did. They recruit Ant-Man to help them travel through time and space using the Quantum Real to retrieve the Infinity Stones from different time periods. Thanos finds out about their plans and becomes hellbent on stopping them.

The movie revolves around the relationship between Captain America and Iron Man.

At one point, Captain America and Thor fight Thanos. Timeline alterations have restored Mjolnir, and Cap wields it against Thanos to allow the others to escape, and is killed holding Thanos off.

At one point, Hawkeye must protect the unfinished Stark Gauntlet from Thanos’ minions. He plays an “instrumental” role in Thanos’ defeat.

Thor’s subplot centers on him assembling an army to challenge Thanos. Captain Marvel joins him.

Hulk’s subplot centers on Banner and Hulk finally merging to become Professor Hulk. He is the one that ultimately wields the Stark Gauntlet against Thanos, losing his arm in the process.

Nebula’s subplot centers on her efforts to redeem herself. At one point, she fights her murderous past self.

Several MCU movies are revisited and retconned (probably not permanently), such as the Avengers retrieving the Power Stone creating a timeline where the Guardians of the Galaxy never came together.

There’s a pivotal scene between Doctor Strange and a fully CGI character being shot on a secret location, with a skeleton crew, and which takes up a sizeable portion of the budget.

Only two of the original Avengers (Cap, Stark, Thor, Hulk, Hawkeye and Black Widow) meant to survive the movie. Cap dies.

The title was AVENGERS: INFINITY GAUNTLET at one point, but it might be changed after Zoe Saldana accidentally leaked it.

This honestly sounds a lot bolder than I was expecting, especially after the first installment was basically a paint-by-numbers retelling of the comics Thanos Quest and the early issues of Infinity Gauntlet. I had been telling people how Avengers: Infinity War would end since it was announced, probably before it was written, it was just that obvious.

These plot points are less obvious. I’m guessing the thing about most of the Avengers dying is a headfake; if you recall rumors about Captain America: Civil War, they filmed death scenes for multiple characters to cover up the identity of the character who really died, nobody. I’m guessing we won’t see the entire Avengers team killed off when there are cameos and sequels to be made, but someone’s death has to stick at some point, right?

If these plot points are true, I think this will be a better movie than I was expecting Avengers 4 to be, which is refreshing after 20-some odd outings with a total of 2 plot points you couldn’t have reasonably guessed during the opening credits. The merging of Hulk and Banner’s personalities is an especially exciting development, one that’s probably necessary if a solo Hulk film is in the works for Phase 4, something that’s a real possibility with Marvel announcing nine unnamed films following Spider-Man 2.

The post Probable Spoilers for Avengers 4 Leak Online appeared first on The Blemish.

Not Even Drugs Could Help Whitney Houston Appreciate Paula Abdul

Whitney Houston is throwing shots at Paula Abdul from the grave.

In a new documentary from director Kevin Macdonald, Houston can be heard saying, “Paula Abdul ain’t shit. That girl is singing off-key on the record.”

MC Skat Cat received rave reviews from Houston.

The documentary, which releases on July 6, will take a hard look at Houston’s life. Yes, including all the drug use that the Freddie Mercury biopic is afraid of and alleged sexual abuse. Of course, they’ll also explore the highs of her career including Bodyguard. Houston’s family signed off on the film because they already got their money.

Bobby Brown, Clive Davis and L.A. Reid were all interviewed for the documentary. We know Clive Davis is not afraid to throw someone under the bus. You can view the trailer for the documentary below.

The post Not Even Drugs Could Help Whitney Houston Appreciate Paula Abdul appeared first on The Blemish.

A Fan Live-Tweeted Watching Greta Gerwig Watch Amy Schumer’s ‘I Feel Pretty’

So I woke up today to see that Amy Schumer bumped a comic at Caroline’s last night. Which is not a big deal, it happens all the time, she only took ten minutes and the comic, Brendan Sagalow, got to do his whole set. The problem is that Sagalow, who was headlining for apparently the first time ever, had already started his set when Schumer came up on stage with him and asked for ten minutes. Which is kind of a dick move, like, not even Bill Cosby ever pulled that shit.

So roughly around when that was happening, Greta Gerwig, the writer and director of Lady Bird, a movie that gives a keen insight into the previously-unexplored topic of how teenagers don’t always get along with their parents even though they actually love each other in the end, sat down to watch Schumer’s new movie, I Feel Pretty.

This might be a surprise since she’s the internet’s favorite punching bag, but I’m actually a fan of Amy Schumer. She used to be really funny. Cutting is a top-twenty all time comedy album in my book. And in complete contradiction to the plot of I Feel Pretty, a movie where Schumer thinks she’s attractive as the result of a massive head injury, I also think she’s pretty hot. I’m not sure why Amy Schumer keeps getting movie roles where she’s supposed to be some kind of bridge troll, she used to date Dolph Ziggler, you know. By the way, there’s a great joke about her catching him masturbating on Cutting, you seriously need to listen to that album.

Greta Gewig also seems to be less than impressed by Schumer’s new film and its Fred Flintstone-inspired “bonk on the head” plot, at least according to the Twitter user who sat behind her and tweeted her reaction to the film. And it was a 4 pm showing on a weekday, no one was sitting behind the live-Tweeter, who noted there was no one behind her in the theater to bother with her mobile phone, which does somewhat improve the ettiquete of texting during a film.

She mentioned in a later tweet this was the only thing she planned to tweet about Gerwig, but it turned out that the Oscar nominee picked an afternoon matinee to attend so her and her friends could yell at the film while it was playing.

Schumer is wearing disguises after a massive head injury, this really does sound like an episode of The Flintstones.

And there you have it, Greta Gerwig is just as unimpressed with Amy Schumer’s recent work as the rest of us. And she like to talk at movies.

The post A Fan Live-Tweeted Watching Greta Gerwig Watch Amy Schumer’s ‘I Feel Pretty’ appeared first on The Blemish.

Has the Day of the Hollywood Superstar Passed?

If there’s one thing I don’t have time for, it’s talk about the gender pay gap in Hollywood. Did you know Gal Gadot made less money to film her children’s comic book movie than Ben Affleck got to star in his, despite the fact that no one had ever heard of Gal Gadot before Wonder Woman and Affleck had been a box office draw for two decades? I can’t find it within myself that one millionaire is slightly less rich than another millionaire when they both made millions of dollars for three months of work. And neither of them actually worked as hard as the poor sod holding up the boom mic for 12 hours a day.

But according to Variety, the real winner of the Hollywood wage war isn’t men or women, it’s computers. While big stars still get big paydays, salaries for actors are down across the board, mainly because films have to spend so much money on post-production special effects. Look at how many of the three hundred and twenty seven stars of Avengers: Infinity War were computer animated, that money doesn’t grow on trees.

It’s also worth considering that movie stars don’t have the same kind of, well, star power that they used to. Hollywood doesn’t really have a Clark Gable or a Mel Gibson (you know, before all the anti-Semitism came out) today. Does Mark Wahlberg really evoke the same emotions in an audience that they did?

And who are today’s action stars? I love The Rock as much as the next guy, but does he really measure up to Arnold Schwarzenegger in his prime? Robert Downey, Jr. is great as Iron Man, but he’s not Jackie Chan.  Most of his action scenes are just him sitting in a chair talking to a disembodied Paul Bettany with some light effects on his face while computer animation does the work.

There’s also a much cheaper class of celebrity out their now: social media influencers. Yes, any dink with a Twitter account can make a profession out of selling crap to their followers, and if they’re good enough at it they get to hang out with Taylor Swift. Why would you pay an actor a premium to be in your film when a better way to get people into seats is to have Jake Paul take a break from… you know, I have no idea what Jake Paul actually does, but millions of idiot kids watch him do it and it’s not going to take much to get him to tell them they all need to see Corporate Sequel 3: The Rebootening.

So is it any surprise that where Jim Carrey used to make $20 million a picture, Jack Black and Kevin Hart are getting paid less than that put together for the new Jumanji picture? Even though they’re both probably funnier than Jim Carrey, studios don’t need to superstars to sell movies anymore, which means there are fewer superstars, and most of them became superstars in the 1980s and ’90s.

The post Has the Day of the Hollywood Superstar Passed? appeared first on The Blemish.

Even at Nearly Three Hours, ‘Avengers: Infinity War’ Is Only Half of a Movie

I like the Marvel movies as much as the next guy. At least, I used to, but after ten years and 18 1/2 films, I’m not sure how many more of these movies I can sit through, which is not something I thought I would say when I was 12 and reading X-Men for the first time.

There wasn’t a problem with the Marvel films when each movie had a distinct identity. For example, in addition to the standard superhero fare, Captain America: The Winter Soldier was a spy thriller and Thor was a romantic comedy. But ever since Guardians of the Galaxy, every Marvel movie has basically followed the same action-comedy formula as Guardians, which not only makes them all feel the same but it takes away from what made Guardians of the Galaxy special in the first place.

But my biggest complaint about Avengers: Infinity War is that it’s even a whole movie. For starters, as the New Yorker review by Richard Brody pointed out, it doesn’t introduce its characters or concepts properly, it just assumes that everyone in the audience has seen the previous 18 movies. Despite what people on Twitter, up to and including Guardians of the Galaxy director James Gunn would have you believe, this isn’t good storytelling. Stan Lee used to say “every comic book is someone’s first,” and that is doubly true for movies. It’s simply a failing of storytelling if your excuse for not introducing your characters and stating your premise is that you’d understand if you’d seen the previous films.

Movies aren’t television shows, they’re not chapters in a book. They need to stand on their own. And can anyone who saw Infinity War say it would be a great movie if it was the only Marvel movie you’d ever seen? This isn’t the first time Marvel has been guilty of this, either. At the end of Doctor Strange, Wong casually mentions to Strange that the Eye of Agamotto is an Infinity Stone, but no context for this is given at any point in the movie. It’s the first and only reference to Infinity Stones, not even warranting a “what’s an Infinity Stone?” from Strange. The context is, of course, that the film assumes you’ve seen Guardians of the Galaxy where the concept is somewhat explained.

But the fact that Avengers: Infinity War lacks a first act that explains the premise, it also ends in the middle of the second act, at what screenwriters call the “All is Lost” moment. There are spoilers coming in this section as I discuss why the ending of the film isn’t an ending, by the way. In a three-act structure, the All is Lost” moment comes towards the end of the second act, and leads to what Blake Snyder calls the Dark Night of the Soul in his screenwriting book Save The Cat. Here’s how Snyder describes these moments.

All is Lost – The opposite moment from the Midpoint: “awful”/“great”. The moment that the main character realizes they’ve lost everything they gained, or everything they now have has no meaning. The initial goal now looks even more impossible than before. And here, something or someone dies. It can be physical or emotional, but the death of something old makes way for something new to be born.

Dark Night of the Soul – The main character hits bottom, and wallows in hopelessness. The Why hast thou forsaken me, Lord? moment. Mourning the loss of what has “died” – the dream, the goal, the mentor character, the love of your life, etc. But, you must fall completely before you can pick yourself back up and try again.

The problem with Avengers: Infinity War is that the movie ends with the All is Lost, and leaves fans to spend the next year living the Dark Night of the Soul for themselves, mostly by posting to Twitter about how sad they are that their favorite character died. This is mind-breakingly frustrating for me because it’s pretty obvious that nearly everyone is coming back to life in the sequel, which will probably be called Avengers: Infinity Gauntlet.

The writers of the film, Christopher Markus and Stephen McFeely, insisted to BuzzFeed that the characters who died are going to stay dead, which is one of the most insulting lies anyone has ever told me in my entire life.

“[Avengers 4] doesn’t do what you think it does,” said Markus. “It is a different movie than you think it is.” Then he paused. “Also…[the deaths are] real. I just want to tell you it’s real, and the sooner you accept that, the sooner you will be able to move on to the next stage of grief.”

Do you know what the next Marvel film after Avengers 4 is? It’s Spider-Man 2. Are you really trying to tell me that Spider-Man isn’t going to be in Spider-Man 2? “Oh, maybe Miles Morales will be Spider-Man,” you’re saying. That’s never going to happen, Peter Parker is Spider-Man and only Peter Parker will ever be Spider-Man. Just like Barry Allen will always be The Flash and Bruce Wayne will always be Batman. Oh, and Black Panther just won’t have a sequel? Are you kidding me? Did anyone believe this for even a second?

Once you get to the All is Lost moment, it’s pretty easy to see how a film is going to end, especially after 18 films that have followed Blake Snyder’s beat sheet almost to the minute. So I’ll tell you how the next Avengers film is going to end. Iron Man takes the Infinity Gauntlet from Thanos, and gives it to either Captain America or Star Lord to use to undo everything Thanos has done, and all of Marvel’s franchise characters live to star in another billion dollar sequel.

By the way, none of this means I think Marvel movies aren’t fun or that you should feel bad for liking them. I just think that it’s clear that the studio that built a brand by taking risks is become more and more risk-averse, putting out formulaic films that have put being crowd-pleasing ahead of being innovative. It’s fine, I’m just as invested in this world and these characters as anyone, but these films could tell any story, and it’s a shame they’ve chosen instead to tell the same story over and over again.

The post Even at Nearly Three Hours, ‘Avengers: Infinity War’ Is Only Half of a Movie appeared first on The Blemish.

Elizabeth Olsen Seems Surprised the Comic Book Character She Plays Has a Revealing Outfit

There’s a weird thing that happens when comic books get adapted to other media where the iconic costumes they’ve worn for decades get changed in any number of ways. DC made Superman’s iconic costume look darker and washed out in Man of Steel, instead of having the iconic bright blue, red and yellow costume he’s known for. The Adrianne Palicki Wonder Woman pilot put Diana Prince in long pants instead of a skirt. The X-Men movies put all the characters in black leather coats instead of the iconic costumes Dave Cockrum had designed for the team in the 1970’s.

Women’s costumes seem to get this more than men’s, because we’re in the middle of a period that’s more puritanical about sex than we were in the 70s and 80s. Lynda Carter’s Wonder Woman wore a costume with the hot pants that had replaced Wonder Woman’s skirt in the comics, but Arrow has replaced Black Canary’s fishnet stockings with a jacket over a corset costume that dates back to 1947 with a leather suit that covers pretty much every inch of skin on her body.

The Scarlet Witch, introduced in 1964, wears a sheer pink body stocking under a red corset with a cape. When Elizabeth Olsen was brought in to play the character in the Avengers films, she was given a much more conservative costume, a jacket and leather pants with a top with a slightly plunging neckline. It also ditched the headpiece, but that’s another argument.

Elizabeth Olsen still seems to think she’s showing too much skin, though, telling Elle:

“It would just not be a cleavage corset. I like corsets, but I’d like it to be higher. Everyone has these things that cover them—Tessa Thompson does, Scarlett does. I would like to cover up a bit. It’s funny because sometimes I look around and I’m just like—wow, I’m the only one who has cleavage, and that’s a constant joke because they haven’t really evolved my superhero costume that much. But then you look at where it started in the comic books and it was a leotard and a headband so…oh, it’s horrible, it’s so horrible. So at least they know that’s not cool. But then they made Wonder Woman, you know? And that’s what she’s in. I think of the costumes and what we have to wear—it’s more about iconic images, because that’s what these movies are…. I think that’s the goal with the costumes, and it’s not representing the average woman.”

Yeah, Wonder Woman is in her traditional comic costume, and it’s also the only decent movie DC has made in at least a decade, not to mention being an inspiration for little girls everywhere. And Marvel has been unashamed of its comic book roots, bringing Jack Kirby’s Thor designs to life and making Iron Man films with all the campy fun a comic book movie can have. But we should probably put Scarlet Witch in a burqa. You know, for feminism.

The post Elizabeth Olsen Seems Surprised the Comic Book Character She Plays Has a Revealing Outfit appeared first on The Blemish.

Verne Troyer is Hopefully in a "Better Place," Mike Myers Says

Over the past few hours, many people who knew Verne Troyer well have reacted to the sad news of his passing.

As previously reported, Troyer died on Saturday at the age of 49.

Verne Troyer is Dead

The tragic development came mere days after many outlets also reported that Troyer had been hospitalized due to excessive drinking and what many believe had been a suicide attempt.

No cause of death had been revealed at the time of this writing.

Of all the tributes posted on Troyer's honor, however, the most noteworthy and heartbreaking comes from Mike Myers.

The 54-year old co-starred with Troyer in the Austin Powers franchise, portraying Dr. Evil to Troyer's Mini-Me. It was the role for which Troyer would forever be best known.

“Verne was the consummate professional and a beacon of positivity for those of us who had the honor of working with him," Myers said in a statement obtained by Entertainment Weekly on Saturday.

He added:

"It is a sad day, but I hope he is in a better place. He will be greatly missed.

Mike Myers as Dr. Evil

Troyer’s major acting break came in 1999 due to the role of Mini-Me in Austin Powers: The Spy Who Shagged Me.

He reprised this role in the 2002 sequel, Austin Powers in Goldmember.

The actor had reportedly battled alcoholism for years and had checked into rehab on several occasions.

Alas, he never received the help he so badly needed.

Said Troyer's family in a statement on Saturday afternoon:

"It is with great sadness and incredibly heavy hearts to write that Verne passed away today. Verne was an extremely caring individual.

"He wanted to make everyone smile, be happy, and laugh. Anybody in need, he would help to any extent possible."

Verne Troyer Image

On April 2, Troyer - who was born with achondroplasia dwarfism and listed at 2’8″ - was rushed to the hospital for a “reported poisoning.”

The Los Angeles City Fire Department confirmed to People Magazine that they were called to the actor’s North Hollywood home and that Troyer was “extremely upset, drunk and suicidal" at the scene.

We expect more to be revealed about his cause of death in the days ahead.

For now, a statement on Troyer's Instagram page concludes as follows:

Verne Troyer Photo

During this recent time of adversity he was baptized while surrounded by his family. The family appreciates that they have this time to grieve privately.

Depression and Suicide are very serious issues.

You never know what kind of battle someone is going through inside. Be kind to one another. And always know, it’s never too late to reach out to someone for help.

Over the past few years, Troyer became known for his appearances in reality television.

The troubled actor had stints on Celebrity Juice, Celebrity Wife Swap, and The Surreal Life.

May he rest in peace.

OPEN POST: What 4 Films Define You?

Everyone’s got their favorite movies, but streaming service Filmstruck has recently posed a question which I find rather interesting: What are the four films that define you. It’s an interesting question to ponder, and I wanted to open it up to our readers and find out what your Filmstruck4 are, as it’s become known on the internet…

In the interest of opening things up, I’ll share what I feel my Filmstruck4 are.

It should come as no surprise that the four films I feel define me are about outsiders, weirdos, outcasts, geniuses, eccentrics, and those living on the fringes of normal society. People who seek the things that we all seek: Home, comfort, love, fame, security, respect, and recognition, but do it in their own strange ways.

I somehow avoided Star Wars movies, because while I love them, I don’t really think any of them “define” me, so to speak. These four films defined my worldview and continue to do so. I’ve seen these four films countless times, could recite them to you if you let me, and yet I’ve never grown tired of any of them. They’re all masterpieces in their own way, and all of them speak to my soul on a much deeper level than other films.

The Wizard of Oz

Both The Wizard of Oz and Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory were the films of my childhood. I watched them over and over. I took the beat up VHS copies I had to college with me. But it’s Oz that resonates with me more as an adult. It’s a deeply strange film, for one thing, likely the product of having no fewer than five directors—though only Victor Fleming got the credit. Its transition from black and white to color remains among the most ingrained images on my brain, and as a college student, discovering the film’s first 45 minutes are synchable to Pink Floyd’s Dark Side of the Moon, only enhanced my college experience.

As a parent now, the film means more to me. Its humor is undeniably timeless—particularly the brilliant Frank Morgan as the big cheese himself. Its message of helping yourself by helping others appeals to my bleeding heart. The songs are witty, catchy, and “Over the Rainbow” might just be the most beautiful song ever written. I don’t need to extoll its virtues other than to say that I’ve loved this film throughout my entire life, and always for different reasons.

 

Rushmore

Everybody’s got a guy or gal in film history who is their guy or gal. From the first time I laid eyes on Max Fischer, I knew he was my guy. For better or worse, he’s probably the protagonist I most identify with in all of film. He’s my Holden Caufield, my Luke Skywalker, my fill in your own specific example here. The leading character of Rushmore is what’s kindly referred to as an old soul. He falls in love with a woman twice his age. His best friends are a ten year old kid and a middle aged steel tycoon.

As someone who grew up loving Peanuts, in particular the character of Linus, I am obviously enamored with Wes Anderson and Owen Wilson’s creation that owes a huge debt to Charles Schulz’s creation. Max was ambitious and had the drive to do absolutely anything he wanted to, but overextends himself to the point where he ends up half-assing most everything. There’s no shortage of Max in me, and in many of us, and it makes this film speak to me. I root for Max in a way I root for no other protagonist in film. He’s me. He’s all of us.

 

Amadeus

The thing I love most about the dearly departed Milos Forman’s Oscar winning film Amadeus is that it’s perhaps the only film in history to heed Homer Simpson’s advice of “less artsy, more fartsy.” It’s the high minded period piece you’ve been avoiding your entire life because you don’t realize it’s actually a bawdy, filthy, funny, brilliantly made film that I often cite as the greatest film ever made.

You look at Amadeus and your inner jock comes out. You wanna push yourself into a row of lockers while yelling, “Shut up nerd!” But I urge you not to be fooled. It’s a movie with tons of filthy language, hysterical jokes, and an absolutely intense drama of a man trying to triumph over God. It’s heady stuff, but it’s couched in this film that plays like an 80s comedy for most of its first two acts. It’s a masterstroke of filmmaking and deserving of every bit of praise that’s ever been heaped on it.

I grew up with this flick and it made a huge impact on my humor, along with Monty Python, The Marx Brothers, and many many more. This is an art house movie that appeals to literally everyone. It’s the movie they’re talking about when they say, “They don’t make ’em like they used to.” Or at least it’s the one I’m talking about.

 

Grey Gardens

The notion that real life could be as entertaining as any scripted film is one of which I’ve always been leery. Reality TV doesn’t do much for me, but that same impulse that drives people to watch The Bachelor or Survivor drives me to a handful of documentaries that I feel fulfill the adage well. Mark and Mike in American Movie were strong contenders for this spot, as was Robert Evans’ The Kid Stays in the Picture. But my favorite documentary features two of my favorite people I’ve ever encountered in a film.

“Little” Edie Bouvier Beale and her mother “Big” Edie Beale live in the titular mansion, which has been worn down by twenty plus years of neglect when we meet them in the early 1970s. The Maysles Brothers—famous at that point for their documentary Gimme Shelter, about the Rolling Stones at Altamont—found the women living in squalor, but like the co-leads in a Tennessee Williams play, the two rise to dramatic heights as their bizarrely loving relationship is chronicled.

It’s a stunning piece of work from master documentarians, and you’ll absolutely fall in love with these two women. The HBO version with Drew Barrymore and Jessica Lange is great, but watch the real deal first. You’ll end up as much in love with them as I. Hell, I named one of my cats Little Edie. There’s no denying this has been an influential film on my life.

How About YOU?

Alright commenters, get to commenting! What’s your Flimstruck4? What nits do you have to pick with mine? Sound off already!

The post OPEN POST: What 4 Films Define You? appeared first on Egotastic - Sexy Celebrity Gossip and Entertainment News.

Fred Durst and John Travolta Is the Director/Actor Dream Team We Deserve

This is not a drill. Fred Durst is directing a movie starring John Travolta. It’s called Moose and it’s about a fan who stalks a movie star. It’s basically the film version of Eminem’s “Stan.”

Travolta has starred in roughly two thousand films in his career. He’s taken direction from award winners like Quentin Tarantino, Mike Nichols, Oliver Stone, and more. But none of them compare to the guy who rhymed nookie with cookie even though the two were never related in the song.

Travolta told TMZ, “He’s so generous, and he’s such an artist. He allowed me to create a character that nobody else would allow. [Durst gave me] a lot of leeway and had great ideas. He already had this film in his imagination, so he knows how he’s going to put it together, so he knows how to let me be free within that boundary”

Moose and Durst on set

A post shared by Moose Movie (@moosemovie) on

Durst is no stranger to the director’s chair. He directed his own sex tape, which you probably forgot about until I just brought it up. You’re welcome.

There is no release information on Moose just yet. But we can already pencil it in for an Oscar nomination based on Travolta’s comments.

The post Fred Durst and John Travolta Is the Director/Actor Dream Team We Deserve appeared first on The Blemish.

Lynda Carter Hints at Role in ‘Wonder Woman 2’

Warner Brothers’ project to rival Marvel’s cinematic universe has produced exactly one watchable film: Wonder Woman. This means, of course, that a sequel is in the works alongside like 30 movies that are just bound to be terrible. Lynda Carter is actually the second actress to play Wonder Woman, following Cathy Lee Crosby’s portrayal of the character in a 1974 made-for-TV movie, but because that movie was even worse than Man of Steel, it’s been largely forgotten and Lynda Carter is the actress most  people think of as Wonder Woman.

In an interview with Megyn Kelly on Today, Carter mentioned that she’s in talks with Patty Jenkins to appear in Wonder Woman 2.

Megyn Kelly starts her segment by shitting all over Joanna Cameron, who played Isis on The Shazam/Isis Power Hour, by saying Wonder Woman was the only female superhero when she was a kid in the 70’s. Seriously, Isis is on TV right now, she’s one of the characters on the CW’s Legends of Tomorrow, which is far, far better than any DC Comics movie produced in the past 20 years or so.

Later on, however, Carter told Kelly that she had talked with Patty Jenkins about a part in Wonder Woman 2, and it was up to Warner Brothers and whether or not they want to pay for it at this point. She suggested people could send letters to Warner if they want to see it happen, though. Don’t get carried away, Lynda, it’d be cool if you had a Stan Lee-style cameo in the film, but I don’t think anyone actually cares enough to write a letter about it.

Lynda Carter made a few guest appearances with another DC superheroine last year when she played American President Olivia Marsdin on CW’s Supergirl. In an interesting twist on an old formula, she’s secretly a shape-shifting alien, but instead of being a villain with a sinister motive, Carter’s Marsdin is shown to be one of the good guys and is trying to end anti-alien xenophobia on Earth Thirty-Eight. Yeah, comic book stuff is confusing.

With or without Lynda Carter, Wonder Woman 2 is scheduled to storm into theaters on November 19th, 2019, with Gal Gadot reprising her role as Wonder Woman, this time during the 1980s, against Kristen Wiig’s villainous Cheetah.

The post Lynda Carter Hints at Role in ‘Wonder Woman 2’ appeared first on The Blemish.

Nicolas Cage Will Be Leaving Our Screens in Three to Four Years

Guys, the end of the world is coming. Nicolas Cage is going to retire from acting in “three or four years.”

Cage told the media that he would like to focus more on directing moving forward. According to IMDB, he only has one directing credit to his name. He directed the 2002 film Sonny, starring James Franco. You probably didn’t see it.

He’s currently in Puerto Rico filming Primal, which was delayed due to the devastating hurricane last year. Cage has been in our lives since he showed up in Fast Times at Ridgemont High back in 1982. Nowadays, everyone loves to pick on Nic, but let’s not forget that he blessed us with classic performances in Face/Off, Con Air and hundreds of other movies that aren’t as awesome as those two films.

Last year Cage was reportedly broke due to his lavish spending. Either that turned out to be false or he made bank on recent films like Looking Glass and Mandy.

He was also turned into an internet neme.

Let’s cherish these next three to four years, folks. There will never be another Nicolas Cage.

The post Nicolas Cage Will Be Leaving Our Screens in Three to Four Years appeared first on The Blemish.

Charlize Theron Got Depressed After Gaining 50 Pounds for ‘Tully’

Charlize Theron is dedicated to her craft. She became ugly for the 2003 film Monster. And in 2018, she became fat for Tully.

Theron plays Marlo, a mother of three who is given a nanny. She put on 50 pounds for the film in order to “feel what this woman felt.” Theron described her weight gain process to Entertainment Tonight:

“The first three weeks are always fun because you’re just like a kid in a candy store. So it was fun to go and have breakfast at In-N-Out and have two milkshakes,” she explained. “And then after three weeks, it’s not fun anymore. Like, all of a sudden you’re just done eating that amount and then it becomes a job. I remember having to set my alarm in the middle of the night in order to just maintain [the weight].

“You know, it was a huge surprise to me. I got hit in the face pretty hard with depression. Yeah, for the first time in my life I was eating so much processed foods and I drank way too much sugar. I was not that fun to be around on this film.”

Thinking about Fat Charlize Theron makes me depressed. She got so big that her two kids thought she was pregnant.

While putting on weight is easy, losing that weight is much tougher. Anyone can sit on the couch and eat cookies all day. Getting off the couch is a pain in the ass.

“There’s nothing fun about that. It took about a year and a half. It was a long journey, very long journey,”

Hopefully Hollywood doesn’t have any more stupid ideas like “make Charlize Theron fat” anytime soon.

Tully is set to hit theaters on May 4.

The post Charlize Theron Got Depressed After Gaining 50 Pounds for ‘Tully’ appeared first on The Blemish.

Warner Taps Cathy Yan to Direct ‘Birds of Prey’ Centered Around Harley Quinn

Birds of Prey is one DC Comic’s most beloved recent comic book concepts. Created by editor Jordan Gorfinkel and writer Chuck Dixon, the comic brought together Green Arrow/Green Lantern supporting character Dinah Lance, the Black Canary, with Barbara Gordon, the former Batgirl who, after being paralyzed by The Joker, went by the code name Oracle, and laid down the formula for pretty much every comic book based TV series with someone at headquarters using a computer and talking into the hero’s ear. The comic was a success, but it didn’t achieve real popularity until Gail Simone took over the title and added Huntress to the team.

What you’ll notice is I didn’t mention Harley Quinn, who is not a member of the team, or a supporting character, or really anyone who had anything to do with the Birds of Prey aside from Quinn, Oracle and Huntress starting life as Batman characters and all being women. But by god Warner Brothers is going to cram Harley into Birds of Prey because Harley is so popular if there’s a female-focused DC Comics movie, Harley will be there.

According to The Hollywood Reporter, Cathy Yan is being brought in to direct the Birds of Prey film, which is still internally being called “untitled Harley Quinn girl gang movie” and being promoted as “an all-female variation on Suicide Squad.”

In other words, things are looking grim. For starters, I wouldn’t compare my film to Suicide Squad unless my description was “Like Suicide Squad, but actually good.” People have seen Suicide Squad, they know it was terrible. Shoehorning Harley Quinn into a title she wasn’t a part of and isn’t a particularly good fit for isn’t the recipe for a good movie, either.

I had such high hopes for DC when they hired Ava Duvernay to helm a Fourth World film, and Cathy Yan seems like a great choice to direct a Harley Quinn movie, but unless it turns out that Harley is going to be the antagonist in a Birds of Prey film, which would be amazing, this film sounds like a train wreck waiting to happen

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Brad Pitt Joins That Quentin Tarantino, Leo DiCaprio Movie

Quentin Tarantino is about to win all the Oscars in a couple of years.

According to Deadline, Tarantino has cast Brad Pitt and Leonardo DiCaprio for his film Once Upon A Time In Hollywood. The film follows Rick Dalton (DiCaprio) and his stunt double Cliff Booth (Pitt) as they try to make it in Hollywood in 1969. Margot Robbie will play Sharon Tate, the next-door neighbor best known for being a Charles Manson murder victim.

A Tarantino-directed film about Hollywood starring accomplished actors? Just give it all the awards right now.

Tarantino stated that he’s been working on the script for five years and that he’s “very excited to tell this story of an L.A., and a Hollywood that don’t exist anymore.” He continued, “And I couldn’t be happier about the dynamic teaming of DiCaprio & Pitt as Rick & Cliff.”

The famed director is familiar with both actors. Pitt starred in the Oscar-nominated Inglorious Basterds while DiCaprio starred in Django Unchained, which won the Oscar for Best Original Screenplay and was also nominated for Best Picture. If they get Christoph Waltz to play Charles Manson, this might go down as the greatest film of all-time.

This will be Robbie’s first time working with Tarantino.

The film is set to release on August 9, 2019. That date is significant because it’s the 50th anniversary of the Manson murders and one day before Tate’s death. As if you needed any more proof that Tarantino is a twisted man.

Sony has the rights to the film after Tarantino pulled it from the Weinstein Company for…obvious reasons. This will be the first film the director has released without the backing of Weinstein. Something tells me he’ll be alright.

People Are Getting Their Hopes Up That Elsa Will Be a Lesbian in the ‘Frozen’ Sequel

People on the internet have been really vocal about wanting Elsa, the deuteragonist of Disney’s hit cartoon Frozen, to be a lesbian. Because adults are way too invested in children’s media since those Harry Potter books came out. They make movies for adults, too, you know, some of them are even pretty good. You don’t have to be an adult human going on Twitter to explain how the congressional bill you don’t like is like what Voldemort did to the Muggles or whatever. But good news, because Frozen writer Jennifer Lee has heard your pleas, and she told The Huffington Post she’s listening to them.

“I love everything people are saying [and] people are thinking about with our film ― that it’s creating dialogue, that Elsa is this wonderful character that speaks to so many people,” Lee said. “It means the world to us that we’re part of these conversations.”

“Where we’re going with it, we have tons of conversations about it, and we’re really conscientious about these things,” Lee added. “For me … Elsa’s every day telling me where she needs to go, and she’ll continue to tell us. I always write from character-out, and where Elsa is and what Elsa’s doing in her life, she’s telling me every day. We’ll see where we go.”

Oh lord, she’s a method writer. That reminds me of the time I asked X-Men scribe Chris Claremont if a scene in an X-Men comic was a reaction to a famous decree from then-editor-in-chief Jim Shooter and he started talking about the characters’ motivations as if they were friends of his and he was relating to me what they were going through at the time. It’s not as crazy as method acting, and it produces some really great stories, like Frozen and The X-Men, but god is it ever weird to talk to a method writer about their stories.

Despite Lee being conscientious about things and having conversations, I wouldn’t get my hopes up about Elsa getting a girlfriend. Studio movies go to great lengths not to be controversial in any way, and things like interracial relationships and LGBT representation are still controversial, especially in media aimed at children, despite the fact that no decent human being actually objects to them. Think about Harry Potter author J.K. Rowling and the way she’s spent most of her time since the children’s book series ended on Twitter telling fans about how much diversity there is that she didn’t show in the actual media in any way. She has made a big deal about Dumbledore being gay, but when it comes time to make a movie about him and his former boyfriend, there won’t be an on-screen mentions of either of them being gay. That’s about what you can expect from Disney when it comes to Frozen.

Elsa May Be a Lesbian, Much to the Chagrin of These Parents

Conceal don’t feel, don’t let them know/Well now they know/Let it go, let it go/Can’t hold it back anymore.

When Queen Elsa sang these words in Frozen, she may have been belting out lyrics about her super scary ice powers…

… or she may have been coming out of the closet as a lesbian.

There are movie goers who believe the latter, and who have been pushing for Disney to give Elsa a girlfriend in the upcoming Frozen sequel.

Might this actually happen?

Writer and co-director Jennifer Lee has chimed in on these rumors, which has prompted quite the outcry on Twitter.

Scroll down for the full story…

1. Is Elsa Actually Gay?!?

Elsa1
Lee won’t say, but she’s aware of the chatter and told The Huffington Post the following: “Where we’re going with it, we have tons of conversations about it, and we’re really conscientious about these things. For me … Elsa’s every day telling me where she needs to go, and she’ll continue to tell us. I always write from character-out, and where Elsa is and what Elsa’s doing in her life, she’s telling me every day. We’ll see where we go.”

2. #GiveElsaAGirlfriend

Giveheragf
Long before Lee even made this comment, there was a viral movement to give Elsa a girlfriend in Frozen 2. This is one strong reason why.

3. Fire and Ice?

Gf please
See, some fans have a very clear idea of exactly how they want this same-sex hookup to go.

4. On the Other, Less Tolerant Hand…

No gf
… some folks out there are simply NOT having this idea. They’ve made some pretty strong statements against it.

5. Well, on This Hand…

Idk
… and on THAT hand. As you can see, the possibility of a lesbian Elsa has many parents very confused how to react.

6. Do It, Disney!

Great idea
Thankfully, many parents out there believe this move would serve as inspiration to many young people out there, those who are struggling with certain LGBT-related questions.

View Slideshow

Mark Hamill Is Totally Going to Be in ‘Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 3’

You can accomplish so much on Twitter. Take this fan for example. All he wants in life is for Mark Hamill to appear in Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 3. Why does he want this? Who knows. But it sounds like a cool idea on paper. So, this fan pitched his idea to James Gunn, the writer and producer of the series.

Nothing wrong with shooting your shot. The worst thing that could happen is Gunn, who probably gets thousands of replies a day, ignores the tweet. Or. This happens.

And the rest, as they say, is history.

This is totally happening. This has to be happening, right? There is no way they would tease us with neighborly DM chats if this wasn’t seriously going to happen. I guess we won’t know until Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 3 comes out in like three years. But this has to be happening.

If it doesn’t happen, the Internet never forgets, and we will grill Gunn as to why Hamill is not in the movie. We may even boycott the movie.

We won’t boycott the movie.

But we will definitely be very angry.

Flamin’ Hot Cheetos to Be the First Film in the Frito-Lay Cinematic Universe

You know, I like the Marvel Cinematic Universe movies as much as the next guy, which is to say I’m getting bored with it because all the movies are starting to feel like the same plot with different characters and MacGuffins slotted into them. I’m ready for something new, something bold… so not the DC movies, those are just terrible. What I need is a movie based around a spicy snack food that coats your fingers in fluorescent dust.

Enter Flamin’ Hot, a movie about Cheetos, I assume as a bag of the spicy snack fights for freedom against a rising tide of terrorism. With a follow-up film called Pringles: Tube of Justice and then Doritos: Pyramid of Power closing out the first phase before the Snackvengers hits cinemas, you’ve got a winning action-adventure franchise on your hands, and that’s before you cross over with the Jolly Green Giant horror films.

Okay, according to Variety it’s a documentary about the creation of Flamin’ Hot Cheetos by Richard Montanez, then a janitor, and how his billion dollar idea started him on a career path to becoming an executive at Frito-Lay.

The film follows Montanez, the son of an immigrant, who grew up as a migrant farm worker picking grapes in the fields of Southern California before becoming a janitor at Frito-Lay. It was while working at the company that Montanez came up with the idea to create Flamin’ Hot Cheetos, transforming the Frito-Lay brand into a pop culture phenomenon and disrupting the entire food industry in the process. Now commonly referred to as the Godfather of Multicultural Marketing, it was that initial idea that would spark a billion-dollar brand and catapult him from janitor to elite corporate executive.

That’s probably a better movie, and something I actually want to see. Like Jiro Dreams of Cheetos. Not that Flamin’ Hot Cheetos: Cornmageddeon isn’t the action film sequel we’ve all been secretly waiting for.

Jessica Chastain to Star in ‘It 2: It-lecrtic Boogaloo’

Variety is reporting today that Jessica Chastain is in negotiations for a leading role in New Line Cinema’s It: Chapter Two. 

Sources stress that negotiations are early and that the script is still being worked on, but both sides have officially begun discussing her coming on to the project. Bill Skarsgard is also expected to return as Pennywise. The sequel will bow on Sept. 6, 2019, with production expected to start this summer.

Chastain has been linked to the sequel for some time following its monster opening weekend, as the Muschiettis mentioned her in an interview with Variety as a top choice to play adult Beverly in the sequel. Rumors even surfaced of a post-credits scene in which Chastain could have made a cameo, though that never came to fruition.

I didn’t see It because horror movies aren’t really my bag and I’m pretty maxed out on how much I can care about period pieces set in the 1980s. You also have to compete with movies actually made in the 1980s like Back to the Future. There’s just not a lot of time for movies based on books that have already had TV movies made about them. If you want me to watch something from the 80’s about creatures in a sewer, then they need to be turtles who know martial arts.

I am looking forward to the sequel now that Chastain is reportedly going to be on-board. I imagine they’ll rewrite the ending so that Chastain’s character Beverly waterboards Pennywise while everyone else stands around chanting “USA! USA!” and she explains to the shape-shifting monster that tricking children into the sewers to kill them is one thing, but he crossed a line when he knelt down during the national anthem. Then she hops in a fighter jet and bombs Syria. I mean, at least that’s why I gather looking at the rest of Chastain’s body of work.

Chastain also has a role in the upcoming X-Men: Dark Phoenix film, where’s she rumored to be playing Shi’ar Majestrix Lilandra Neramani, a character who is presented as a wise and peaceful ruler, but is also an autocratic dictator who rules through the force of the Shi’ar Royal Guard, a pastiche of the Justice League that are unwaveringly faithful to her. So, you know, a typical day for Chastain.

Jennifer Lawrence Is Comfortable Being Nude Again

SPOILER ALERT: Jennifer Lawrence is nude in her new movie Red Sparrow.

This would have been a much bigger deal years ago, before The Fappening, but it’s still a big deal. Because Lawrence has often spoke about feeling insecure and afraid after nude pictures of herself leaked online.

She is no longer scared now, she’s free as a bird.

Here’s what she told Entertainment Tonight:

“Everybody made me feel so comfortable that I probably at a certain point started making everybody else uncomfortable. Because I’d be like, ‘I don’t want the robe. I’m hot. I’m eating.’ Everybody’s like, ‘She needs to cover up.'”

It’s obvious that Lawrence had always been comfortable in her skin prior to that whole nude scandal. She used to joke about her ass killing people. But the leaked pictures dented her confidence. No longer, baby, Jennifer Lawrence is back. Not only is she back, but she’s single and has wedding fever.

My DMs are still open, JLaw.

Lawrence went on to explain that she was extra comfortable because the director of Red Sparrow, Francis Lawrence, also directed three of the Hunger Games films.

“I’d like to think that it would be harder for her to say yes to a movie like this with somebody else, with somebody who’s a stranger. It certainly made it easier to communicate about some of the content within the movie because we knew each other so well but that was definitely a positive thing.”

This is why we need more female directors in Hollywood. So other females are more comfortable in their own skin. And so they aren’t sexually assault by pervy males. Mainly the second part. But the first part is true as well.

Anyway, welcome back JLaw. We missed you.

Sony Passing on Buying Marvel Is the Reason We Got ‘The Avengers’

About a week ago, stories emerged that Sony was looking to sell its entertainment division in the wake of Kaz Hirai stepping down as CEO, which could include selling Spider-Man‘s film rights back to Marvel. But with Black Panther headed to another big windfall at the box office for Marvel, the Hollywood press is abuzz at the news that Sony turned down an offer to buy all of Marvel’s film rights in 1998 for $25 million and passed, eventually settling on just buying Spider-Man for $10 million. Headlines like “Sony Made a Big Mistake Passing on Black Panther & Iron Man Rights” and “Sony Blew a Chance to Own the Entire Marvel Cinematic Universe” have been popping up, but the deal probably ended up working out in Sony’s favor.

To explain how not buying the most profitable franchise in film history was actually the right decision, I need to take you back through comic book history, all the way to the 1960’s. Hysteria around comic books, much like the panics about rap music, heavy metal or violent video games, had led to the creation of the Comics Code Authority, an independent group that gave comics a stamp of approval that they were wholesome and therefore okay for newsstands to stock. This led to a big decline in crime and romance comics, the dominant genres for comics at the time. War and Western comics were also on the decline as the genres declined in television and film.

On the verge of collapse, Marvel decided to try bringing back the superhero comics that had been so successful in the 1940s. DC had a few superhero comics at the time, mainly Superman, Batman and Wonder Woman, but the genre was almost dead. So in 1961, Stan Lee and Jack Kirby launched The Fantastic Four with a cover that disguised their superhero team as a monster comic, and the book that would be Marvel’s number one seller for the next 25 years was born. When it hit, they launched a number of additional superhero comics, the most popular ones being The Amazing Spider-Man and The Incredible Hulk.

Superhero comic books thrived, and in 1975 Marvel handed one of their worst-selling books, The Uncanny X-Men, to a young new writer, Chris Claremont. By the mid-1980s Claremont and artist John Byrne would turn the X-Men into the biggest name in all of comics.

By the mid-90s, however, a combination of forces including poor business decisions and a collapse of collectibles like toys and trading cards led Marvel to file for bankruptcy. In a bid to stay afloat, Marvel started selling the film rights to its characters to movie studios. Universal bought The Incredible Hulk while Fox picked up two of Marvel’s crown jewels, The Fantastic Four and the X-Men. When Marvel went to Sony to sell the rest, the only property they had of any worth was Spider-Man, which is the one Sony bought.

Eventually, Marvel pulled itself out of bankruptcy and Spider-Man and the X-Men had become bona-fide hits at the box office. Marvel wanted in on the big-screen dollars their characters were bringing in, but there was just one problem; they had sold off the rights to all of their A-list characters. Over the years, Marvel had made a few attempts to position The Avengers as their version of DC’s Justice League, none of which were particularly successful until 2005’s New Avengers, which added Spider-Man and Wolverine to the team. The Avengers characters themselves were still firmly on the B-list, and even today Marvel’s best-selling comic books are The Amazing Spider-Man and X-Men Gold.

But Marvel had what they had and they moved forward with a movie based on The Invincible Iron Man starring Robert Downey, Jr. Everything about this movie was a huge risk. Downey had last been seen being too drunk and high to show up on set for Ally McBeal and the name Iron Man made people think more of Black Sabbath than Marvel Comics. When the film came out, it was a hit, and at the time, an unheard of post-credit scene featured Sam Jackson as Nick Fury and teased a future Avengers film. Marvel Studios was born, and films featuring The Hulk, Captain America and Thor followed, all of which had characters, most prominently Nick Fury and Phil Coulson, crossing between the movies. Finally, in 2012, the Joss Whedon-helmed Avengers film hit theaters and established Marvel as the biggest brand in cinema.

While it’s easy to think that Sony could have done the same thing Marvel did with the rights to the characters, it’s safe to say that the Marvel Cinematic Universe as we know it could have only happened at Marvel. A risk-averse studio like Sony would have never hired Robert Downey, Jr. to play Tony Stark; he was too much of a liability for a small indie film, much less a big-budget tentpole film. We saw what Sony did with Spider-Man and what Fox did with X-Men before Marvel came along, and the answer is largely that they dropped the ball. The first film to not entirely live up to expectations and the franchises mainly went back on the shelf until Marvel made superheroes the big thing in cinema.

Had Sony bought all of Marvel characters, they may have made one or two movies with the characters, but they wouldn’t have had the vision of Kevin Feige to build a world for those films to all take place in. When their third Spider-Man film was essentially a flop, Sony was ready to throw in the towel and move on to greener pastures. Marvel Studios had to make The Avengers a success, because they didn’t have anything else, literally. They also never would have gotten Spider-Man: Homecoming or Spider-Man’s appearances in other Marvel movies, things which have greatly increased the value of the Spider-Man property from where it was after Spider-Man 3 and The Amazing Spider-Man 2. Sony stands to make more money selling Spider-Man back to Disney today than they ever would have made from their increasingly disastrous pre-Marvel Spider-Man films. And it happened because they didn’t buy the biggest franchise in cinema. While it sounds like they passed up a chance to make billions, that money never would have materialized had it not been for Marvel making their cinematic universe out of characters no one else wanted.

Jared Leto Passed Over Again, Joaquin Phoenix to Play The Joker

A while ago, it was reported that Warner Bros wanted to do a Joker origin story. Not a big deal. Gotta make that money. The big story was that they wanted Leonardo DiCaprio, not Jared Leto, to play the Joker. Yes, even though they dicked Leto over by basically cutting him from Suicide Squad, they didn’t want him playing the Joker in an all-Joker movie.

Talks with Leo failed. He’s got models to bang and comic book movies are beneath him.

You’re up, Jared Leto. Just kidding.

Leto has been passed over once again in favor of Joaquin Phoenix. While nothing has been signed, director Todd Phillips has said that Phoenix is his top choice according to Variety. Phoenix has reportedly agreed to take on the role, but again, nothing is official.

There is still time for Leto to poison Phoenix. Of course, that probably won’t help his chances of landing the role. They’ll just ask Daniel-Day Lewis.

Phoenix was in talks to play Lex Luthor in Batman vs. Superman: Dawn of Justice, but passed on that role. Probably because he read the script. He was also in talks to star in Doctor Strange, but passed on that as well. Probably because he read the script.

A comic book movie doesn’t seem up Phoenix’s alley, but Heath Ledger made it cool to be The Joker.

Todd Phillips is best known for his work on The Hangover. Expect Zach Galifianakis to appear in this Joker origin film because Phillips puts Galifianakis in all of his movies. Also, expect the Joker origin film to be really good. But do not pay to see the sequels.

Phoenix is also set to appear in Don’t Worry, He Won’t Get Far on Foot, due out in May.

Unless Margot Robbie is in the film, I’ll pass on this Joker movie out of respect for Jared Leto.

‘The Emoji Movie’ Was So Bad It Ended Jordan Peele’s Acting Career… and He Wasn’t Even in It

Jordan Peele doesn’t want to act anymore. It makes sense, now that Dave Chappelle is back and doing specials on Netflix, there really isn’t a need to have Peele or Amy Shumer fill in for him anymore. I kid, of course. But we all noticed that Key & Peele, Mind of Mencia, Inside Amy Schumer and Important Things with Dimitri Martin were all just Chappelle’s Show without Chappelle before Dave mentioned it in one of his new specials, right?

Anyway, Jordan Peele isn’t going to Africa, he’s just going to direct. He had a big hit with Get Out and there’s no denying that he’s funny and exceptionally talented. But why quit acting? I mean, Keegan-Michael Key is everywhere. Seriously. I’ve seen Key on more than one show on the same night. They should consider him to play Jamie Madrox, because I’m sure there’s more than one of him. Turns out Peele is quitting acting because of The Emoji Movie.

Vanity Fair covered the Directors Guild Awards, where Peele won the award for best first-time director, because Get Out was just out this past year, even though it seems like it was forever ago, which is why there’s two dozen Holocaust movies that get one-week engagements on four screens in December, just before awards season, every year. In his acceptance speech, Peele explained why he was going to stop acting.

“The Emoji Movie actually helped me quit acting,” Peele confessed at the podium. “I was offered the role of Poop.”

He paused to assure the audience inside the Beverly Hilton ballroom, “This is true. I would not make this up.”

When Peele’s manager told him about the offer, Peele responded, “That’s fucked up.” Then, after a beat, “I’m going to sleep on it.”

The next day, Peele said he called his manager back to see, just out of curiosity, what the studio was offering to pay him. But Peele’s window for the degrading opportunity had already closed.

“[My manager said], ‘They’ve already given it to Sir Patrick Stewart.’ I was like, ‘Fuck this.’”

Peele should have known not to sleep on the offer of Poop in The Emoji Movie, a cursory reading of the script would tell you it’s the title character.

‘The Boss Baby’ Nominated for an Oscar Alongside Some Great Films No One Has Seen

Hey, Oscar season officially kicked off this morning as the lists of nominees were released. Like most years, the awards will be given to critically-acclaimed films no one has actually seen.

So let’s get to it. Here are your nominees.

Best Picture

Call Me by Your Name
Darkest Hour
Dunkirk
Get Out
Lady Bird
Phantom Thread
The Post
The Shape of Water
Three Billboards Outside Ebbing, Missouri

I haven’t heard of half of these movies. Phantom Thread has been out of limited release for about four days and I wouldn’t exactly call it a wide release. Darkest Hour, the Winston Churchill biopic starring Gary Oldman, has likewise barely had a wide release. That’s one of them problems with the Oscars, it’s largely a celebration of arthouse cinema and films that the average person hasn’t seen yet. It’s not that these movies aren’t great films, it’s just that they’re entirely out of step with the general public.

Best Director

Christopher Nolan, Dunkirk
Jordan Peele, Get Out
Greta Gerwig, Lady Bird
Paul Thomas Anderson, Phantom Thread
Guillermo del Toro, The Shape of Water

That’s the actual short list for best picture. I think there’s only been one instance of a split between best picture and best director. Dunkirk and Get Out were hits, so they probably won’t win.

Best Actor In A Leading Role

Timothée Chalamet, Call Me By Your Name
Daniel Day-Lewis, Phantom Thread
Daniel Kaluuya, Get Out
Gary Oldman, Darkest Hour
Denzel Washington, Roman J. Israel, Esq.

You know, they say the Golden Globes are predictive of the Oscars, but I don’t see Golden Globe winner James Franco even nominated for an Oscar. That’s kind of weird because these awards are given for the best performance and not based on any sort of Hollywood politics, right?

Best Actress In A Leading Role

Sally Hawkins, The Shape of Water
Frances McDormand, Three Billboards Outside Ebbing, Missouri
Margot Robbie, I, Tonya
Saoirse Ronan, Lady Bird
Meryl Streep, The Post

Hmm, both Golden Globes winners are nominated here. Weird.

Best Actor In A Supporting Role

Willem Dafoe, The Florida Project
Woody Harrelson, Three Billboards Outside Ebbing, Missouri
Richard Jenkins, The Shape of Water
Christopher Plummer, All the Money in the World
Sam Rockwell, Three Billboards Outside Ebbing, Missouri

Best Actress In A Supporting Role

Mary J. Blige, Mudbound
Allison Janney, I, Tonya
Lesley Manville, Phantom Thread
Laurie Metcalf, Lady Bird
Octavia Spencer, The Shape of Water

So Sam Rockwell and Allison Janney are going to win, right? We all agree on that, I’m sure. Definitely Allison Janney, the Academy loves her. She could play Eva Braun in a film called Hitler was Great and she’d get a dozen trophies for it. Though to be fair to Janney, I’m sure she’d knock it out of the park.

So I’ve given the Oscar voters a bit of a hard time for the way the awards lean heavily towards arthouse faire and not movies that people actually see, and that’s because it’s absolutely true. Star Wars: The Last Jedi was nominated for a few minor technical awards, and Guardians of the Galaxy Volume 2, which despite being a comic book action film, was probably on every decent critic’s short list for best film of the year, got one nomination, for Best Visual Effects.

But perhaps the only thing I have to say about how terrible the Oscar nomination process is would be that The Boss Baby is nominated for Best Animated Feature. I watched The Boss Baby to see if it was as bad as it looked, and it was. Someone pitched movie like “Okay, remember Jack Donaghy from 30 Rock? We make a movie about him, only he’s a baby. And he comes to Earth from a baby company to try and stop puppies.” And that got made and then it got nominated for an Academy Award despite the fact that there were dozens of actually good movies released. Hell, even Sword Art Online: Ordinal Scale would be a step up. But they nominated The Boss Baby. And they can’t figure out why ratings for the awards show is plummeting. The Boss Baby.

John Cena Following in The Rock’s Footsteps, Will Star in Terrible ‘Duke Nukem’ Movie

Remember when The Rock starred in the movie version of Doom? It sucked.

John Cena wants to be The Rock. Hey, I want to be The Rock too. Cena is charismatic and talented enough to transition from WWE into movies and become one of the biggest stars in Hollywood. He wants to be The Rock so bad that he’s going to do his own shitty movie about a video game.

Cena is currently in talks to star in a Duke Nukem movie, which is likely to be terrible. Don’t me wrong, I loved the Duke Nukem video games, but movies based on video games are never good. The only good video game to movie transition is Tomb Raider. And those movies are not good, Angelina Jolie is just hot.

Let’s not forget that the latest Duke Nukem video game sucked.

Paramount-based Platinum Dunes is the studio producing the movie. They’re the studio who gave us Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. No writer or director has been attached to the film. Michael Bay operated Platinum Dunes and there’s a safe bet that he ends up as the director of this movie. I mean, the game is all explosions and cheesy one-liners. This is like the quintessential Michael Bay film.

Cena is already starring in the upcoming Bumblebee film, which is being produced by Bay. So yeah, Michael Bay is totally directing this Duke Nukem film.

You know what, I’m on board. If you’re going to make a terrible video game movie, go all out. Get Michael Bay and make the most over the top video game movie of all-time.

Cena will do fine in the role. All he does is make corny one-liners and sexual innuendos on WWE television. Now he’ll just be getting paid a lot more to do it.

Saudi Arabia Lifts Ban on Movie Theaters With A Screening Of The Worst Film Ever Made

Saudi Crown Prince Mohammed bin Salman wants to be seen as a reformer. For example, he’s been cracking down on corruption in the Saudi government. It’s probably just a coincidence that anyone who opposes him politically is corrupt. And he’s giving Saudi women so many rights that they’ll be second-class citizens any day now.

The latest reform in Saudi Arabia is that the kingdom has lifted a ban on movie theaters, and they celebrated by showing one of the worst movies ever made, The Emoji Movie. Hopefully the screening went down without anyone jackin’ it.

Saudi Arabia will be editing movies to keep them in line with the kingdom’s conservative values when they screen there. Audiences can look forward to seeing all sorts of classic films, like a 5 minute cut of The Hangover and an Arabic dub of Frozen where Elsa and Anna learn to stop singing in public and start being subservient to their husbands.

I know what you’re thinking. “Why the hell did Saudi Arabia ban movie theaters in the first place, isn’t that insane?” Well, yes, yes it is.

Cinemas were banned in the early 1980s under pressure from Islamists as Saudi society turned towards a particularly conservative form of religion that discouraged public entertainment and public mixing between men and women.

Ahh, the old hole in the popcorn bucket trick got movie theaters banned. I can see that.

Just as a final note, like Sweden, Saudi Arabia will be applying the Bechdel Test to all films that are screened in the country. It’s just that Saudi Arabia will ban all the films that pass the test.

Princesses Can’t Act, Or Meghan Markle Would Be a Bond Girl

Being a princess requires sacrifice. It’s not all mice making clothes for you and singing with tigers. One of the biggest sacrifices is you can’t exactly be an actress, it’s not really something a member of the royal family does, even if said royal is already an actress.

So, Meghan Markle is giving up acting to marry Prince Harry, and we’re getting a look at what that means, exactly, from a piece in The Sun. Markle’s career was just about to take off in a major way, to say the least, and she was on the short list of candidates to be the next Bond girl.

A film source said: “Meghan fits the role of a Bond girl perfectly. She’s glamorous and sexy and a good actress.

“The role more recently has gone to actresses deemed to be rising stars, and Meghan certainly was seen as that before her relationship with Harry became public.

“The brief was to find a glamorous rising star, specifically someone American or Canadian.”

Basically, Meghan Markle was a princess before she ever met Prince Harry. Which is good, because marrying a prince doesn’t actually make you a princess, it makes you a duchess, probably, it’s up to Her Maj what title you actually get, at least in England. Grace Kelly got to be a princess, but Meghan Markle, like Kate Middleton and Lady Diana, will never actually be a princess.

In addition to not being a Bond girl or a princess, Markle is also leaving her role as Rachel Zane on Suits, and will be retiring from acting altogether so as not to interfere with the traditional job of the royal family, which is being seen at places and waving.

As Markle and Prince Harry head towards their wedding day, a bit of controversy has arisen in the USA. You see, Meghan and Harry are friends with Barack and Michelle Obama, and they want to invite them to the wedding. But they don’t want to invite America’s racist uncle, Donald Trump, to a function that isn’t a state event. It’s also considerate, because Trump probably has an important golf game that weekend anyway. But people sure are mad at the prospect of old Donnie being snubbed from the wedding of people he doesn’t know or like in favor of someone the bride and groom are friends with.

Personally, I think it’s probably hard enough for Markle having to sacrifice her acting career, one where she could have been the next Hollywood It girl, for the sake of her husband. We really shouldn’t add the indignity of having Donald Trump at the ceremony on top of that.

13 Most Memorably AWFUL Movies of 2017

The following movies didn't merely receive a thumbs down from our staff. 

They received a thumbs WAY, WAY, WAY, WAY down.

These films simply sucked in 2017.

Do you agree?

1. The Emoji Movie

The emoji movie is terrible
"Make no mistake, The Emoji Movie is very, very, very bad (we're talking about a hyperactive piece of corporate propaganda in which Spotify saves the world and Sir Patrick Stewart voices a living turd), but real life is just too hard to compete with right now." - David Ehrlich, IndieWire.

2. Jigsaw

Jigsaw
"[it] is one of the better films in the franchise. Unfortunately, that's not saying much." - Germain Lussier, io9.

3. The Layover

The layover
"I’d say it’s more like an excruciating, embarrassing, profoundly unfunny, poorly shot and astonishingly tone-deaf screech-fest featuring some of the least charismatic performances this side of one of those dreadful 'reality' shows in which over-injected women always seem to be yelling at one another while pouring wine or throwing wine at one another." - Richard Roeper, Chicago Sun Times.

4. Fifty Shades Darker

Fifty shades darker poster
"Lacking enough chemistry heat or narrative friction to satisfy, the limp Fifty Shades Darker wants to be kinky but only serves as its own form of punishment." - Rotten Tomatoes.

5. Rings

Rings picture
"Opts for lazy jump scares and a convoluted origins story no one asked for or needed." - Alex Gilyadov, IGN.

6. CHiPs

Chips still
"The film's model is—or should have been—the movie version of 21 Jump Street and its sequel, but the co-directors of those bumptious nihilistic undercover burlesques, Phil Lord and Christopher Miller, knew how to turn comedy into suspense and thrills into media-mad absurdity. Shepard just sprinkles overstated banter onto a generic plot and bits of pedal-to-the-metal action, as if he was serving the action-comedy gods by sticking the usual ingredients in a blender and pushing 'purée.'" - Owen Gleiberman, Variety.
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Matt Damon Keeps Pissing Off The Internet, Petition Started To Cut Him From ‘Ocean’s 8’

Matt Damon done pissed off the Internet. Last week, Damon sparked outrage when he said the following:

I mean, look, as I said, all of that behavior needs to be confronted, but there is a continuum. And on this end of the continuum where you have rape and child molestation or whatever, you know, that’s prison. Right? And that’s what needs to happen. OK? And then we can talk about rehabilitation and everything else. That’s criminal behavior, and it needs to be dealt with that way. The other stuff is just kind of shameful and gross, and I just think … I don’t know Louis C.K.. I’ve never met him. I’m a fan of his, but I don’t imagine he’s going to do those things again. You know what I mean? I imagine the price that he’s paid at this point is so beyond anything that he — I just think that we have to kind of start delineating between what these behaviors are.

He also said that not every Hollywood male is a piece of scum, although all of these allegations are proving otherwise.

A new report says that Damon covered up a 2004 story about Harvey Weinstein and his sexual misconduct.

All of this has led to someone starting an online petition to have Damon removed from Ocean’s 8, which is the upcoming film with all-female thieves. Here’s what the petition says:

The all-female reboot of Oceans 8 was supposed to be an empowering film for women. The movie spotlight the talents of its tremendous female cast and showcase the savvy and prowess of its characters.

But that was before allegations that Matt Damon — who has a well-publicized cameo in Oceans 8 — not only ignored but enabled his friend Harvey Weinstein’s inappropriate behavior by trying to squash a New York Times report in 2004 that detailed instances where Weinstein had used his position as a high-powered studio executive to harass and even assault women.

Damon also recently gave an interview where said he’d still work people who had been accused of sexual misconduct, on a “case-by-case” basis. This behavior is beyond enabling — it’s just gross. Matt Damon should not be in this movie.

As of this writing, the petition has 21,126 signatures with a goal of 25,000 signatures.

It seems pretty difficult to cut Damon from a movie that has already been filmed, but I guess they could CGI Steve Carell in his place.

If you really want to boycott Matt Damon, just refuse to see his new movie Downsizing. It already looks terrible.