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Tory Lanez Says He and Megan Thee Stallion are Still a friends After He Shot Her, She, Uh… Disagrees

When you shoot someone, they’re probably not going to want to hang out, even if they’re as cool as someone can be with getting shot by you.

Even Mr. Poopy Butthole needs some time to get over it.

Tory Lanez, however, said that he and Megan Thee Stallion are still friends and that he was innocent of shooting her in the feet on Instagram Live. Here’s what he said in the video, via NBC affiliate KARE 11.

“She knows what happened, I know what happened, and we know that what you’re saying, the alleged things and alleged accusations to my name, are not true,” Tory said. “It’s falsified information, it’s false information and it’s not accurate information.”

“I don’t ever want to come off like I’m here to bash this girl or I’m here to talk down about this girl, or be at a place where I’m disrespecting her,” Tory said. “Because to me, as a person, she’s still my friend, no matter what.”

“Even if she doesn’t look at me like that, I look at her like she’s still my friend,” he added.

Megan’s take was a little different.

I don’t think they’re friends anymore.

The post Tory Lanez Says He and Megan Thee Stallion are Still a friends After He Shot Her, She, Uh… Disagrees appeared first on The Blemish.

Tekashi 6ix9ine is Being Sued For That Sex Tape He Made With a 13-Year-Old

We spend so much time talking about Tekashi 6ix9ine being a snitch and having just the dumbest, most basic face tattoos (to the extent that a face tattoo can be basic, 69 in a gothic font is pretty much the pumpkin spice latte of face tattoos) that we don’t often talk about his work as a convicted child pornographer. You would think that be the first thing anyone mentions about him in any article about him, but it rarely comes up.

Well, it’s come up now as the 13-year-old Tekashi and Tay Milly made a sex tape of is suing him, as reported by Page Six.

“By reason of her age, and being given drugs and alcohol which caused her to be in an impaired mental state without her knowledge, permission or consent, the plaintiff was incapable of consenting to the recording,” the suit says.

And even more, “As an internationally known rap and hip hop artist and performer, defendant Hernandez uploaded [the videos] onto various social media accounts on the internet with the intention and expectation that millions of people would view the videos,” the court papers claim.

Tekashi’s “conduct against the plaintiff was intentional, malicious and done for the purpose of causing the plaintiff to suffer humiliation, mental anguish and emotional distress,” the suit charges.

By the way, I got suspended from Twitter for saying something mean about Margaret Thatcher, a woman who has been dead for a decade, while 6ix9ine uploaded literal child pornography and he has a verified checkmark.

Jane Doe is suing for “unspecified damages” and you have to imagine Tekashi is regretting his decision not to go into witness protection. They could have layered those idiotic face tattoos off and set him up as a gas station attendant in Burnt Scrotum, New Mexico. Probably a better outcome all told.

The post Tekashi 6ix9ine is Being Sued For That Sex Tape He Made With a 13-Year-Old appeared first on The Blemish.

Cardi B Deleted Her Twitter Because You’re Terrible, You’re All Terrible

I’m currently suspended from Twitter for inciting violence against Margaret Thatcher, a woman who has been deal for almost a century, by saying we should cut off her head and drive a stake through her heart to make sure she never comes back. It’s Halloween soon and you anything could happen, it’s just good to take precautions. Thatcher is kind of like my archenemy, I was previously suspended from a different social media site for saying “She’s snatching milk from babies in hell now” when she died. The point is that I’ve missed all kinds of awesome social media drama during my suspension, though I got a lot more work done so it’s kind of a mixed bag.

One of the things I missed by not being on Twitter is all the drama around Cardi B reuniting with Offset after filing for divorce. I heard her reasoning and honestly, I get it. She got on Instagram Live and told her fans “It’s hard not to talk to your best friend. It’s really hard not to talk to your best friend. And it’s really hard to have no dick.” I’m guessing she means she only makes 66 cents for every dollar a male rapper makes with songs about his pussy.

Apparently, this was some Grade A Twitter drama since Cardi deleted her Twitter because of it. She explained why on Instagram again, via E!

“A whole bunch of 15-year-olds telling me how to live my life like I’m mother f–king Ariana Grande or something. Like I came from Disney or something,” she said in her now-expired video, which has since been captured and shared online.

“I’m so tired of people saying I’ve got to continuously explain myself. I didn’t put my divorce out there, a f–king court clerk put it out there,” she continued, adding, “And because people are making rumors up, ‘Oh, this guy has a girl pregnant,’ I have to address it.”

Yeah, divorce filings are pretty public, you can’t just hide those.

Look, I just want Cardi to B happy. Offset clearly makes her happy, even if they have rough patches, so let them be happy. And if she ever stops being happy with him, she can call me.

The post Cardi B Deleted Her Twitter Because You’re Terrible, You’re All Terrible appeared first on The Blemish.

Britney Spears Expands Legal Team, Hopefully With People Who Won’t Call Her a Coma Patient

Britney Spears has been involved with a protracted legal battle with her father Jamie over the future of her conservatorship; it appears that the singer wants it ended but if norm she doesn’t want her father to be the sole conservator. Spears’ fans have been vocal in wanting her conservatorship ended, and her friends and other family have generally sided with the “Free Britney” movement, which lends it a lot of credence.

Variety reports that Spears racked up another win with the court accepting her petition to expand her legal team.

Britney, 38, is seeking to have Jamie removed from her conservatorship, which has been in effect for 12 years. She was not present for the latest hearing, although though her mother, Lynne Spears, Jamie and her attorney, Samuel Ingham were.

Jamie had opposed Britney’s petition, citing the cost of adding more lawyers.

Jamie Spears gets paid over $10k a month to be his daughter’s conservator, so if finances are a problem then maybe he could give that up. It seems weird that Jamie is in a position to oppose someone hiring more lawyers for a legal fight against him.

Personally, I think Britney should be able to do whatever she wants here. I don’t see why she needs to be in conservatorship and if it’s voluntary like she says, it can just be ended and she can hire someone trustworthy to manage her finances, she doesn’t need to be legally required to do so.

The post Britney Spears Expands Legal Team, Hopefully With People Who Won’t Call Her a Coma Patient appeared first on The Blemish.

A Melon’s Ego: A Record

“Hi there everybody. Anthony Fantano here, the Internet’s busiest music nerd.”

With those eleven words, Anthony Fantano, the creator and face of YouTube’s TheNeedleDrop channel, has shaped popular music for the past decade.

Fantano, a bald music critic in his early thirties, has been reviewing music as The Needle Drop since 2009, when he launched the YouTube channel alongside an official Twitter account and an accompanying Facebook page.

Boasting over two million subscribers on his channel and a Twitter feed without almost a million followers, Fantano, aged thirty-four, is without a doubt the most popular music critic of the modern era.

A recent profile by The New York Times – yeah, that New York Times – outlined some of the appeal behind Fantano’s meteoric rise. It followed his early origins and his interactions with fans to this day. It also provided a generational context to his success.

Quite simply, if you’re a member of Generation Z, Anthony Fantano, or the Melon as he’s so lovingly called by many of his fans, is the only music critic whose opinion matters. That’s the thesis of the NYT article, it’s the gist of the various Spin Magazine articles written on him, and it’s only evident to anyone who follows the world of music criticism.

Basically, when it comes to album reviews, the only two that are observed are the Melon’s and Pitchfork’s. The latter, however, is a website, and while they upload day-of reviews that are quite anticipated, they’re textual posts, ranging around one thousand or more words, and quite impersonal (case in point, a different listener reviews each album).

Then there’s The Needle Drop. Fantano has managed to maintain a simple, easy-to-digest format for his whole career, featuring him speaking directly into a camera while featuring the current album behind him on the wall.

It’s a small operation, with Fantano simply using funds raised by his meme-heavy Patreon and his TurnTable link to pay for a video editor (Austin) other freelance production assistants. It’s sure as hell not as impressive as the massive teams over at NME or Complex Magazine, especially when Fantano is plugging the nifty metal-plated wallets of his sponsor, the good people over at the Ridge.

There’s more than just the video presentation, though. Fantano also consistently finishes up his reviews, whether the review lasts six minutes or twenty-seven, with a numerical score from zero to ten. He’s given out a few zeros and ones, mostly to albums like Chance the Rapper’s The Big Day and that horrid Green Day album from earlier this year.

However, it’s the high scores – and those albums that should’ve gotten higher scores – that really get his fans, his Melonheads as he calls them, in a buzz. In eleven years, Fantano has only given five ten/tens, mostly in the noise rock and hip hop genres.

There’s Death Grips’ The Money Store (2012), Swans’ To Be Kind (2014), Kendrick Lamar’s To Pimp a Butterfly (2015), the self-titled KIDS SEE GHOSTS project (2018), and Daughters’ You Won’t Get What You Want (2018).

Yes, five albums in a decade. The man is nothing if not ruthless in his grading.

Some of his more infamous moments, such as the 6/10 score he gave to Kanye West’s magnum opus My Beautiful Dark Twisted Fantasy in 2010 or the measly 4/10 he gave to Bon Iver’s 22, A Million in 2016, have earned him plenty of scorn. The Melon, to his credit, has defended himself by saying that he only speaks for himself, and is fine with other people disagreeing with all of his thoughts.

However, given that he’s approaching three million subscribers and is now being covered by national newspapers, is it worth looking at some of the less-savory elements to Fantano’s celebrity by this point?

Take the “Snow On Tha Bluff” controversy from June. Following a series of tweets from multi-genre artist Noname, rapper J. Cole made a song with the aforementioned title, essentially tone policing her and questioning her credibility to speak on the issue. Noname replied with a short, one-minute, Madlib-produced diss track, telling him that right now was not the time to be throwing shots at other black artists.

Enter: Anthony Fantano, controversy coveter. The Melon himself fired off a series of tweets roasting J. Cole – an artist who he’s consistently mocked for what he perceives as being overrated in the current hip hop era – and responding defensively when pressed on it.

Was he wrong to do so? Who knows. Did J. Cole probably need to focus on police brutality instead of questioning the woke credentials of a fellow artist? Most definitely. But this fits into a pattern of online messy situations on the part of the Melon, who once was the subject of a now-infamous Fader article.

There’s also the redveil saga, in which a recent Twitch livestream featured Fantano reviewing submitted tracks by fans and users alike. When 16-year old redveil’s new EP was mentioned, Fantano began mocking and deriding what he perceived as lousy, lazy production choices, to the chagrin of many of his fans who supported redveil and disliked seeing a young artist attacked.

When pressed, Fantano went on the defensive once more, claiming he’s only ever given his honest opinion, and that an artist’s age does not mean he’s free from criticism. Today redveil has received a massive boost in popularity off that one exchange, so really, no harm no foul.

But if Anthony Fantano is being covered by the New York Times and becoming the voice of gospel to music-lovers under twenty-five everywhere, it’s worth keeping an eye on what kind of voice that will be.

The man loves music, adores it even, that much is not up for debate. From there, whether his personal biases and character traits don’t also poison the discussion around certain artists or make his social media accounts more toxic than helpful is a whole other debate.

Personally, I’m going to keep watching. After all, the man got me into Death Grips and Fleet Foxes, and as long as he stops trying to sell me those damn Ridge wallets, I’ll even forgive the abysmal score he gave Mac Miller’s Swimming.

The post A Melon’s Ego: A Record appeared first on The Blemish.

Billie Eilish Fights Body-Shamers After She Finally Stopped Dressing Like a Sitcom Actress Hiding a Pregnancy

I wasn’t quite sure what it was that Billie Eilish was hiding under those Doug ‘Think Big’ clothes she used to wear, but I would not have guessed it was an incredible set of breasts, but readers of Page Six will know that’s exactly what was going on.

Personally, I had a reaction to these pictures somewhere along the lines of the wolf in Tex Avery’s Red Hot Riding Hood.

Apparently, not everyone agreed with me because there was a whole lot of talk about Billie Eilish being body-shamed.

Eilish posted this video on her Instagram Story, seemingly as a response.

I didn’t realize Billie had been breastfeeding. But yes, we know breasts can look weird after breast-feeding.

I don’t think celebrities really come off looking great every time they have an “epic clap back” against their “haters” for whatever reason. After a while, you just start to look like Kanye West or Chrissy Teigen, a humorless, joyless jerk who either can’t take or can’t understand a joke.

The post Billie Eilish Fights Body-Shamers After She Finally Stopped Dressing Like a Sitcom Actress Hiding a Pregnancy appeared first on The Blemish.

Kanye West Spent All Night Celebrating a Fake Poll

It would be pretty embarrassing to be running for President and expose yourself as if having a clue about what’s actually going on in the world to millions of people on social media, don’t you think? I know that you’re wondering if I’m talking about Biden or Trump and really it could have been, but no, today we’re talking about Kanye West.

Kanye excitedly tweeted a video late Tuesday night saying to get the West Wing ready because he was polling so well in Kentucky.

There’s just one little problem, and you may have spotted it: that poll is obviously fake. The most recent legitimate polls of Kentucky show Donald Trump at 58% and Joe Biden at 40%, leaving just 2% undecided or voting for a third party, whereas the poll Kanye saw had Libertarian candidate Jo Jorgensen winning with 36%.

It doesn’t even look like a poll, because what you’re actually seeing is an example election night results page used for testing and with clearly fake results so people don’t claim that “the fix is in” before election night even though we pretty much know who is going to win Kentucky right now anyway.

What I’m saying is you’d have to be completely clueless about politics and a giant narcissist to think you were doing better in Kentucky than both major party candidates combined.

You might think that this would be embarrassing and Kanye would have been like “oh my bad, I thought these were real poll results, I just got a little overexcited and didn’t really think about it,” but only if you had never heard of Kanye West before. What Kanye actually did was continue his victory lap all night.

And into the morning, Kanye retweeted this even after Twitter added a disclaimer explaining it wasn’t poll results.

There’s no such thing as a “precinct voting poll.” Election results are reported by precinct after each polling location closes and tallies their votes.

Kanye did eventually switch to tweeting about the conflict in Armenia, something important to his wife, who is Armenian. It’s a much better use of his platform.

The post Kanye West Spent All Night Celebrating a Fake Poll appeared first on The Blemish.

Cardi B Pulls a Chris Evans, Accidentally Posts a Nude Selfie on Instagram

Cardi B has an OnlyFans that she doesn’t get naked on, but she did accidentally just show all her Instagram followers her boobs. She quickly deleted it, but some people had already grabbed the uncensored pic before she took it down (link NSFW).

She’s not the first person to do this, and Chris Evans made headlines when he did the same thing recently.

Cardi is seemingly still partying to celebrate her birthday.

View this post on Instagram

My walk on dumb cause I’m still drunk

A post shared by Cardi B (@iamcardib) on

Her fans supported her in the best way possible, though; they got #BoobsOutForCardi trending on Twitter and posted naked pictures of themselves in solidarity. I cannot overemphasize how this is the best-case scenario and what should happen every time a celebrity accidentally leaks a nude picture of themselves, which seems to be happening weekly now.

That really says it all, I think.

As for Cardi, she seems to appreciate the support, as she retweeted a bunch of people taking their boobs out for her.

The post Cardi B Pulls a Chris Evans, Accidentally Posts a Nude Selfie on Instagram appeared first on The Blemish.

Kanye West Wants to Trademark ‘God Save America’

There’s a podcast called Pod Save America, run by some of the most insufferable assholes to come out of the lower tiers of the Obama administration. You might have heard of it when your insane, MSNBC-addicted uncle had a fight with your insane, Fox News-addicted aunt at Thanksgiving last year. I don’t recommend it.

I only bring it up because it shows that Kanye West did not think of the phrase “God Save America,” which he trying to trademark and sell on clothes. God save America is a phrase in common enough use that there is are parodies of it.

Celebrities try to trademark things all the time. Cardi B tried to trademark “Okurrr” and was denied while President Trump failed to secure a trademark on “You’re Fired” back when he was a TV game show host. Paris Hilton successfully trademarked the phrase “That’s Hot,” though, so anything can happen. Under that logic, she probably could have trademarked vocal fry and sued the Red Scare podcast, which is greatly superior to Pod Save America, right out of existence.

Look, it should be obvious now that Kanye’s run for President is just Kanye trying to sell more clothes. That’s it. His entire presidential campaign is a brand-building exercise.

It’s not even like Kanye is running to bring attention to some sort of issue. Have you heard how empty is his campaign rhetoric is? It’s like that time Lois ran for mayor on Family Guy.

Of course, Kanye isn’t actually hurting anything by running for President; the idea that he’ll somehow hurt Joe Biden by running is absurd, no one who was going to vote for Joe Biden is going to be swayed to vote for Kanye West instead. He’s just wasting an opportunity to do real good for his community and the entire country on a vanity tour to sell merchandise, that’s all.

The post Kanye West Wants to Trademark ‘God Save America’ appeared first on The Blemish.

Are Cardi B and Offset Back Together Again?

Cardi B and Offset have had a difficult relationship. The main source of their difficulties has been Offset putting his dick in other women, but it’s still difficult. The two have a daughter together, and even though Kulture is just two her parents have been separated a few times since she was born.

You might remember Offset crashing one of Cardi’s concerts, which resulted in him almost going broke trying to win her back. They did eventually get back together, but it only lasted about a year before Offset stuck it in someone else and Cardi was filing for divorce.

But now TMZ reports the couple spent Cardi’s birthday together and seemed like, well, a couple.

The post Are Cardi B and Offset Back Together Again? appeared first on The Blemish.

Kanye West’s Run for President Has Reached Its Logical Conclusion: Overpriced Shitty Merch

Someone should have told Kanye West he didn’t have to run for president to sell ugly clothing before he imploded his marriage on the campaign trail. Hell, you’d think that one look at his shoes would tell him people will pay way too much money for the dumbest looking clothing I’ve ever seen in my entire life as long as Kanye puts his name on it.

TMZ reports Kanye has rolled out his campaign’s merch shop just in time for Donald Trump’s dexamethasone buzz to wear off.

That’s his first point and it’s extra dumb, making kids pray to your Christian god and teaching religion is the opposite of free exercise of faith.

The post Kanye West’s Run for President Has Reached Its Logical Conclusion: Overpriced Shitty Merch appeared first on The Blemish.

Britney Spears’ Lawyer Says She’s as Mentaly Fit as a Coma Patient

I never thought Britney Spears was a genius, but I also never thought she had the brain of a coma patient. Her lawyer apparently disagrees.

TMZ reports that Spears’ lawyer compared her to someone who was comatose in court when asked if she could submit a signed declaration of her wishes for her conservatorship.

The judge asked Ingham if Britney would sign a declaration so there’d be a first-hand account of her feelings. Ingham said Britney lacked the capacity to sign a declaration, and likened her to a comatose patient. He was not saying she is comatose by any means, but he used it by way of example to show she was not capable of signing a legal document. Ingham said even comatose patients can have their lawyers speak for them.

Now, I’m neither a lawyer nor a mental health practitioner, but as an opinion writer, I don’t buy it. If a family court judge can ask a six-year-old which parent they want to live with, then this judge can ask Britney what it is she wants.

Now, her lawyer should have her best interest in mind, and I have no evidence that he doesn’t or that he isn’t working on her behalf and for what she actually wants. But I also don’t think Britney’s capacity is that of a coma patient; I understand what he was saying, that it isn’t necessary for her to submit a declaration, but I also don’t understand what the issue would be with her submitting said declaration or being questioned by the judge directly.

The key issue here is that Spears’ lawyer has told the court she wants to be done performing and her father wants to tart her up and push her up on stage, which makes sense because I think how she got on The Mickey Mouse Club.

The post Britney Spears’ Lawyer Says She’s as Mentaly Fit as a Coma Patient appeared first on The Blemish.

John Mayer Made Out With Perez Hilton to Try to Smooth Over His Feud With Jessica Simpson

You’ll often hear complaints about how men fetishize lesbians from feminist thinkers and anti-porn crusaders, but you should see how women drool at the prospect of two dudes going at it. Japan has a whole genre of porn comics called yaoi that’s men having sex with men for the benefit of women.

Perez Hilton has been trying to prove that John Mayer is bisexual for well over a decade, and yes these two things are related. Hilton has a new memoir out and the most interesting story in it is about making out with John Mayer and Jessica Simpson.

Page Six had an excerpt.

He said that they ran into the musician couple, and Mayer told Hilton, “I like to watch gay porn, you know,” adding, “My favorite porn star is Brent Corrigan. He really turns me on” — and then he kissed Hilton.

Hilton recounts that Simpson seemed mortified and covered her face with her tresses. He said that Mayer then sat back with a “satisfied” look on his face and turned to gaze affectionately at Simpson, who “didn’t seem to know whether she was incredibly embarrassed or really turned on.”

That is very strange, and it leaves out that Simpson joined in the snog herself.

Mayer said later that he did it because Hilton was “acting as though he had just invented homosexuality. All of a sudden I thought, I can outgay this guy right now.”

So I think Hilton is right about the bisexual thing, though I’m not sure John Mayer actually knows it, kind of like me when I was a teenager watching Boy Meets World convinced I just thought Will Friedle was a really great comedic actor and that was why I wanted to lick his chest and I was just watching because I totally had a crush on Topanga. Which I totally did, that part was true.

Simpson’s friends say they were horrified at the kiss but that Simpson just thought Mayer could do no wrong, but she clearly thought it was hot. Other than Perez Hilton being involved she was probably right.

The post John Mayer Made Out With Perez Hilton to Try to Smooth Over His Feud With Jessica Simpson appeared first on The Blemish.

Lana Del Rey Clearly Does Not Know How Masks Work

In the middle of a global pandemic, it’s important to wear a mask. The best information we currently have says that COVID travels most effectively in droplets and most of those droplets get trapped in a mask. It’s not 100% effective but it works.

You know what doesn’t work? A mesh mask full of holes. No one told Lana Del Rey this, apparently.

How big do you think coronavirus is? Because unless they’re the size of golf balls that mask is doing exactly f**k all.

You know how the news has been telling you to wash your hands and avoid touching your face? It should go without saying that touching your face directly someone else’s face is right out butt again, Lana Del Rey did not get the memo.

How many presidents have to get COVID and die a slow, public death while getting pumped full of steroids to be able to walk and assuring you they’re fine before you take this seriously?

The post Lana Del Rey Clearly Does Not Know How Masks Work appeared first on The Blemish.

Drake Is Relaunching in the Best Possible Way

It’s hard to debate that the last decade didn’t belong to Drake. The former Degrassi star was without a doubt the most successful popstar, let alone rapper, of the 2010s, with never more than a year between projects debuting at #1 on Billboard.

That being said, if we’re all being honest, on a quality level Drizzy just hasn’t been great in years. His second studio album, 2011’s Take Care, was a certifiable classic, and launched him as music’s newest superstar. Since then, though, Aubrey Graham has been on a consistently downwards slope.

Nothing Was The Same (2013) and If You’re Reading This, It’s Too Late (2015) are both decently well-regarded; however, later projects have not been met so kindly. 2016’s Views, 2017’s More Life, and 2018’s Scorpion all demonstrate how lazy Champagne Papi has been in recent years.

Each new album (or ‘playlist,’ in the case of More Life) is lazier than the last. Gone now are the days of the concise, streamlined 13-song tracklist found on Nothing Was The Same. In its place are 24-track behemoths, over an hour and a half of mediocre pop bangers with zero lyrical depth and nothing remotely interesting to speak of.

Basically, Drake traded in quality for quantity. Where once we got fifteen certifiable classics from the 6 God each year, now we got thirty to forty flavorless pop songs, bringing in the styles of other regions and countries and taking any sort of originality out of them.

Worse yet, Drake’s character has shown itself to be consistently weak, as we saw in 2018. He was going to reveal his child to the world with an Adidas press run, plans that were ruined by Pusha T’s controversial “The Story of Adidon” diss track.

Instead of replying, as is customary in rap circles, Drake pulled back, putting out a well-produced interview on The Shop with LeBron James where he implied Pusha T had gone too far. Since then, every interview has featured Drake revising history, claiming he wrote a phenomenal response but just chose to never put it out. He also had that weird two-hour interview with Tidal’s Rap Radar where he expressed that he felt he hadn’t lost in the original barb.

All of this is just hip hop controversy, of course, with little stakes. But it goes to show how, in the past few years, Drake has become both an increasingly boring artist and a crybaby with a crown, claiming he’s the king but taking all criticism as heresy. 

Quite simply, the 6 God of Toronto is just not what he used to be.

Which brings us to 2020. This has been a whirlwind of a year, for a variety of reasons that include a pandemic and a presidential election, but it’s been a change of pace for Drake. And in this author’s humble opinion, this has the potential to be Drizzy’s year.

Why? Well, it’s simple, really. Drake finally got a sense of humor.

Let’s start with “Life is Good,” the Future collab that dropped in early January. This ominous song, which blends Drake’s traditional style with Future’s southern trap leanings, was accompanied by a fun video, in which the two rappers work menial jobs – garbage men, chefs, mechanics, fast food workers, tech support.

Is it an amazing song? No. Is it a bit disjointed, seeming more like two separate demos that were thrown together rather than the unavoidable chemistry seen on their joint 2015 project What a Time To Be Alive? Definitely.

However, the sheer fun of the song carries it. Watching Drake dance while filling up a McDonald’s customer’s drink is so absurd that you find yourself returning time and time again, which explains the video racking up over a billion views on YouTube this year alone.

Drake followed this up by dropping Dark Lane Demo Tapes in March, a care package for quarantined America of loose singles that had been floating around on the Internet previously. “Toosie Slide,” the Tik Tok sensation that had shown Aubrey’s staying power in the meme world, while “Chicago Freestyle” was a welcome throwback to the brooding 2011 Drizzy that most fans missed.

He followed up his release of the project with the announcement that his sixth studio album would be arriving before the end of the year. With the horrid aftertaste of Scorpion still in my mouth, you’ll understand how little I cared about that bit of news. I mean, twenty-five tracks, stretched out for over an hour? Two years later, I’m still disgusted by that.

Then came mid-July, which brought us two surprise singles from – well, from DJ Khaled, but featuring Drake, which basically makes them Drake songs that just happen to include Khaled’s trademark yelling at the beginning of the tracks. The two tracks were changes in pace, and served to accomplish different gains.

“Greece” sounded like Drake’s best impression of The Weeknd. It’s a sultry track, luxurious and buttery smooth, most of all tailor-made for a very specific crowd who knows what evening summer parties off the Mediterranean coast.

And then there’s “Popstar,” the classic club banger we’ve all come to expect from Drake, boasting about the rooms he’s in with the women while the other dudes are out in the cold. This song was largely unremarkable, if perhaps catchier than its sibling song, until the music video came out.

The video features DJ Khaled spamming Drizzy with phone calls, desperate to get the music video made. Drake, still in lockdown due to COVID-19, finally snaps, and calls in a favor from none other than fellow Canadian superstar, Justin Bieber (an allusion to a Drake line in the song’s second verse).

The video is infectious, much like the one to “Life is Good,” and boosts the playability of the song. Bieber spends the whole video dressed and acting like Drake, in the process turning the whole experience fun for fans of both artists. He even has Scooter Braun make a cameo appearance, before the end of the video, where we learn that the whole thing was a nightmare by the now-retired Bieber.

This comedic turn by Drake, an artist who usually takes himself oh-so-seriously, has even translated to the album he’s been working on, which we even see in the title. The upcoming album’s title, Certified Lover Boy, is dripping with irony and self-awareness, as Aubrey has been the certified lover boy of hip hop for over a decade now.

Where once Drake was trying to sell himself as hard (in his Pusha T feud days) or overly pained (see: any songs he put out in 2011), now he’s more willing to crack jokes, take the piss out of himself. It’s a frankly ridiculous title to what will hopefully be an equally-ridiculous album, and it shows strong growth for Toronto’s biggest popstar, which we can see in the lead single.

“Laugh Now Cry Later,” the first song to drop from Certified Lover Boy, is a Lil Durk-assisted banger that features a chilled Drake throwing shots, crooning about love in his position, and harmonizing the word ‘baby’ on every line in the chorus.

Both Drake and Durk throw minor shots – to Kanye West and 6ix9ine, respectively – but overall the song is a self-aware ode to being on top of the game.

The accompanying music video, which feels like a glorified Nike ad (I mean, it was filmed in the Nike headquarters, after all), is at once fun and refreshing and somewhat absurd, featuring a plethora of cameos from Nike-sponsored athletes.

Drake splits his time between shopping with an Instagram influencer who has him buy the whole warehouse of shoes, being shown up on the court and on the field by the likes of Kevin Durant and Marshawn Lynch, and crying alone to himself, before trying to save face when Odell Beckham Jr. questions him on it.

It’s all in such tongue-in-cheek, like the video to “Popstar,” frankly like everything Drizzy’s put out this year. Instead of telling us for the billionth time he’s great, he’s roasting himself along with the rest of us, in the process making his music all the more appealing.

The end result? I’m actually excited for this new Drake album, and that’s not something I’ve been able to say in almost ten years.

No, 2020 has been a nightmare year, but it’s also the year Drake developed a sense of humor about himself. And I for one am looking forward to Certified Lover Boy.

The post Drake Is Relaunching in the Best Possible Way appeared first on The Blemish.

Tyga is the Only Celeb Actually Showing His Dick on His OnlyFans

Ah, Tyga. I’m fairly sure most people never would have heard of him if he didn’t start secretly dating Kylie Jenner when she was 14 and I’m 100% sure I never would have. It’s actually kind of a sweet story, and they appear to be secretly dating again almost a decade later.

Tyga isn’t a very successful rapper, and most of his albums sold like s**t. One of them sold fewer than 5,000 copies on its release week, and that was well after his best-selling albums has been released. It makes sense that he’d be looking for a secondary career in case marrying maybe-billionaire Kylie doesn’t work out, and it seems like he’s settled on porn star.

Tyga has started an OnlyFans, and unlike Cardi B and Bella Thorne, helps apparently getting naked on it.

Seriously, you want to see Tyga’s dick? Someone posted it on Twitter (link NSFW).

That is… I mean, it looks bigger than Chris Evans’ dick, but maybe not as girthy, and girth is really what gets the job done.

Is this my life now? Rating celebrity dick pics? I’m not complaining, mind you, but you never know when people are going to decide to get all offended like when we saw Jennifer Lawrence’s butthole. Of course, Evans and Tyga both posted these online themselves, intentionally or not.

It’s not the first time Tyga’s had naked pictures online, there was a previous leak of nude photos he had allegedly sent to porn star Mia Isabella, who he was cheating on Kylie Jenner with.

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Dua Lipa is Levitating With DaBaby!

Dua Lipa just dropped her new music video for the song Levitating off her recent album Futurenostaglia. The song features DaBaby, a rapper from North Carolina who blew up year after going viral with his song Rockstar, a song that was and still is extremely popular on TiKTok. Speaking of TikTok, the new music video which features Dua and DaBaby travelling through an elevator nightclub spaceship into space, was actually created using the platform.

The song with DaBaby is the third iteration of Levitating, the first remix being done with Missy Elliot and Madonna, that remix had a video too where Dua and her real life boyfriend Anwar Hadid play love interests, you can see that one here. The new video however, is out of this world!



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Ad-Rock From The Beastie Boys Made Up a Bunch of Fake Albums to Mess with Rolling Stone

You know how Rolling Stone publishes those ‘500 Greatest Albums of All-Time’ lists every few years?  As if to punctuate that they’re a joke, their just-released third list saw Marvin Gaye’s What’s Going On, an album from 1971 replace The Beatles’ Sgt. Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club Band, an album from 1967, neither of which have had any sort of public re-evaluation in recent years. It’s just based on the capricious whims of the respondents to their surveys, which is why Gaye’s album rocketed from sixth place to first, past not one, not two but three Beatles albums.

Ad-Rock from The Beastie Boys treated the survey with the dignity and respect it deserved, filling his list with obscure albums peppered with bands and albums he just made up. And as if it wasn’t clear enough he wasn’t taking it seriously, he also included Phil Collins.

He was also the very first person to respond to the survey.

Here’s what his list looked like:

  1. Macka B, Sign of the Times
  2. Grits and Gravy, Nuthin’ But The Good Stuff
  3. The Frank Figueora Funk Ensemble, Double Bang Bang
  4. Chirp, The City Ain’t Tough Enough
  5. Sergeant Crikey, It Mek Dem Bubble
  6. Hugo Strasser, TanzHits ’71
  7. Ultimate Spinach, Ultimate Spinach
  8. The Outta Controls, I Need New Friends
  9. The Lover’s 2, Slip Into Something More Fantastical
  10. Merv Gelter, Unlinked Passages And Patterns 
  11. Danice Wilder, Funk Your Body Down
  12. Strategic Orchestrations, My Suzuki Sierra Is Bumpin’
  13. Jan Pfundt, Gekreuzte Drähte
  14. Pops Willard, Bus Station Situation 
  15. Janice Montcrieff, Pour me another Glass Of Whine, You Baby
  16. The Dapper Duo, Your Freaky Touch
  17. Urszula Dudziak, Urszula 
  18. Miss Sally Murdoch, Turn Me On When The The Lights Go Off
  19. The Cosmonauts (Featuring Shep Greenley), Bump That Funky Bump
  20. Digitz, Why Is That Again?
  21. The Satin Velvettes, Sooth My Mood
  22. Ebbet Maynfield, Flutes A Plenty
  23. Video Kids, Woodpeckers From Space
  24. The Pete Smith Quintet, Dynamism
  25. Amy Cranterston, The Strength Of The Willow’s Shadows
  26. Ruff-N-Ready, We Rhyme Right
  27. Phil Collins, Dance Into The Light
  28. Westbeth, Down In The Basement (Where The Funk Grows)
  29. The Captain, 22lb Turkey
  30. Monotony, Witness The Rampage
  31. The Tremont High School Drum Line, Marching Band Favorites
  32. Chip Button, Drums Are My Bag
  33. Crabby Appleton, Rotten To The Core
  34. Dr. Funk-A-Dunk, Out Of Bounds On The Dance Floor
  35. Bridget Everett and The Tender Moments, Pound It
  36. The Clarence Widley Orchestra, Boxcar Business (Original Soundtrack)
  37. Melancholia, Exploration Interflection
  38. Al Carlton, Too Smooth
  39. Earl Wilson, Jr., Let My People Come (A Sexual Musical)
  40. Khia, Thug Misses
  41. The Dunes of Distance, Equanimity
  42. General Echo, 12” Of Pleasure
  43. Aileen Mccullough, An Oiread Sin Báistí
  44. Sweet Lou, Already On It
  45. The T-Bones, No Matter What Shape (Your Stomach Is In)
  46. Ladies and Lords, The Mod Way
  47. Crianças Loucas, é Meu Agora
  48. Juan Epstein, Boogaloo In Brooklyn
  49. Little Marcy, Happy Day Express
  50. Carmine Rittzi, Freak Your Way Out Of This One

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Mariah Carey Secretly Made and Released an Alternative Album in the 90s and It Kind of Rocks

I have to level with you; I’m not actually a huge fan of Mariah Carey. She has a fantastic voice but the things she chooses to sing with that voice are all just terrible to me. In the 90s, when she was at the peak of her popularity, I was the weird kid that actually listened to all the bands the normal people who listened to Mariah Carey and The Backstreet Boys at the time now claim to have listened to, like Sonic Youth and The Breeders.

But it turns out that while Mariah Carey was recording her 1995 best-seller Daydream she recorded a secret album with her band to unwind and that album is actually good and was under our noses the whole time.

Carey posted a clip of one of the songs on Twitter accompanying an excerpt from her new book about how she had a kind of envy for alt-rockers like Kim Deal or Kim Gordon who had a very different image than Carey had as a pop singer. Carey is the background singer on this track.

I am not joking when I say that is literally the best Mariah Carey song I’ve heard in my entire life, and if I had I had known about this at the time I probably would have had pictures of her in my locker in high school instead of Juliana Hatfield and PJ Harvey. Okay, maybe not, this isn’t ‘C’mon Billy’ but it’s still really good. The album is out of print and not on streaming services but a few songs are on YouTube, including that one

Of course, there’s a lot more money to be made in radio-friendly pop music than there is distorted, lo-fi alt-rock, so Daydream sold over 20 million copies while Pixies’ Doolittle, their best-selling album with their biggest crossover hit ‘Here Comes Your Man’, sold about 1.5 million copies.

This is basically the reverse of Liz Phair’s sell-out 2003 self-titled album; Carey is a pop star who released an alt-rock album called Someone’s Ugly Daughter under the band name Chick, their only album, that flew entirely under under the radar. Seriously, I had never heard of this and I had albums by Ned’s Atomic Dustbin, The Murmurs and Luscious Jackson. I have a whole new respect for Mariah.

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Jennifer Lopez In a Dramatic New Music Video!

J.Lo has been hyping up this new project that she’s working on without reveling too much, that is until this morning when she started uploading clips to her Instagram in an attempt to generate buzz around her new song.

The song is with some artist called Maluma and comes with a two part music video that literally JUST dropped. I love J.Lo as an actress because she’s not afraid to be cheesy and dramatic. It’s like a guilty pleasure, watch it below!

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Kanye West Just Pissed on His Grammy

Until about twenty minutes ago I thought the most vicious thing I was ever going to see done to a Grammy was this clip from The Simpsons episode where Homer was in a barber-shop quartet.

Then Kanye West pissed on his.

Seems a bit extreme, but okay. I thought for sure he was going to get it on those ridiculous shoes he designed for a second.

Kanye has been on a tear on Twitter today. He also doxxed “Randall Forbes,” who I assume is Randall Lane, the editor and chief content officer of Forbes magazine.

Kanye is almost certainly going to get banned for that one, I posted a redacted screenshot but West didn’t redact the number.

Kanye also posted the full text of his contracts with Universal, which he did one page at a time over like 90 tweets because he couldn’t get the PDF to upload. Just link to a Google drive, Ye!

Kanye apparently thinks he’s getting taken by Universal, because he said he was “going to change the music industry for good” and asked “every lawyer in the world to look at these.”

I have no idea what I’m seeing but I could have told you that music contracts favor the labels without seeing West’s contract. It’s not exactly a secret that the money made by music goes to producers and executives and now c-suite executives at Spotify instead of the music acts themselves. Like, Master P has an estimated net worth of almost a billion dollars, have you ever bought a Master P album? Can you name one of his hit songs? Hum a few bars of anything by Master P?

He also posted a picture of a hoodie that reads “Kim is my lawyer.”

Might want to dig up her dad for this one, Ye, he got OJ off, after all. And rumor has it that was after OJ got Kris Jenner off.

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Cardi B is Divorcing Offset’s Cheating Ass

Cardi B’s WAP is single again, boys.

TMZ obtained court documents showing that Cardi B is filing for divorce.

I don’t think anyone needs to be paying child support, honestly. Why does Cardi need child support? A quick google search puts her estimated net worth at 24 million dollars, well out of the range where she needs anyone to give her any more money for the rest of her life.

I mean, I get it, it’s punitive. He cheated on her again and so she wants to make him pay and she’s going to do that by literally making him pay. The point of the law, however, isn’t to punish people for cheating, just to assure the equitable dissolution of the marriage contract. I don’t see a dimension in the multiverse on which Offset is making more money than Cardi B.

TMZ also reports that Cardi and Offset don’t appear to have a prenup, which is the sort of thing you should get when you marry someone who Kanye Wests your concert to apologize for cheating on you and begs you to take him back.

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Tory Lanez Says he Only Shot Megan Thee Stallion Because He Was Drunk

I’ve been pretty drunk in my life. I was never a super heavy drinker, I never had a problem with drinking but there are some nights from my college days I don’t remember and some lab partners I’m not sure if I hooked up with or not. “Hey, did we have sex?” is a pretty awkward question to ask someone, after all. I have a pretty good idea of what being drunk is like is all I’m saying. Unfortunately for Tory Lanez, I’m pretty sure everyone who has ever been drunk will back me up in saying that it did not cause them to shoot their romantic partner in foot.

TMZ acquired texts Lanez sent Megan less than a day after the shooting where he tries to apologize to her, claiming he was “too drunk.”

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R. Kelly Says Prison Guards Knew He Was Going to Get His Ass Kicked

R. Kelly recently got his ass kicked in prison, and he now says everyone in the building knew it was coming, including the guards, to which I say “no s**t, Robert, it was self-evident that you were being set up from the beginning.”

TMZ reports Kelly was telling the guards the inmate who eventually assaulted him was gunning for him weeks before the attack happened.

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Cardi B is Getting Ready to Dog Walk Candace Owens

If you know who Candace Owens is, it’s probably because it’s her ramblings that transformed Kanye West from the “George Bush doesn’t care about Black people” guy into the “actually, what Jesus wants for Black people is a lower capital gains tax” guy. Candace Owens used to really like Cardi B.

What Owens didn’t realize in 2018 is that Cardi does pay attention to politics and that she doesn’t have have a “Kanye mindset.” Keep in mind Owens is supposed to be a political analyst but didn’t realize Cardi had campaigned for Bernie Sanders in 2016 and wasn’t likely to become a Republican any time soon.

Yeah, “vote for daddy Bernie, bitch” was a meme for a while.

Now that Candace is aware Cardi is a socialist who called FDR “the real Make America Great Again” President, she’s no longer a fan. In fact, she started things off with Cardi by saying she thought Ben “vaginas should be drier than Bob Newhart’s wit” Shapiro was right about ‘WAP’.

It’s not a lack of spine, it’s just that most Black people are smarter than Candace Owens.

Cardi wasn’t having it and went on Instagram to rip into Owens. She also posted a six-minute video response to Owens.

Some of the highlights of the video, via The Grio.

“You want to call me a dumb bitch, you want to call me illiterate … girl, you’re getting pimped out by White men,” said Cardi B. “You have been this man’s cheerleader. You’re a beautiful Black woman, you talk great, amazing … and this man didn’t have the decency to let you talk at the Republican convention.”

Owens and other Republicans aren’t really used to dealing with Democrats who don’t roll over at the slightest hint of resistance. Cardi B isn’t someone like Nancy Pelosi who will just roll over again and again because she’s afraid of alienating three people in the Midwest if she says what she thinks, Cardi is going to whoop her ass if she doesn’t back off.

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Hailey Baldwin is a Video Vixen!

Remember the days where video vixens were a thing? Do they even have girls in music videos anymore or is it sexist like everything else in this world is, according to all the social justice warriors. If they do still exist, call Hailey Baldwin Bieber the new Melyssa Ford because she’s just starred in her second role as Justin’s wife in another music video!

Her fist big break was for the video for Justin Bieber and Ariana Grande’s song Stuck with U, which was shot by the pair in their home in Canada while on quarantine. Now that quarantine basically doesn’t exist in LA, Justin was asked to star in the new DJ Khaled and Drake music video called Popstar. Justin basically plays Drake and around the 6 minute mark Hailey can be seen “waking up” with Justin before they kiss and go for a walk with their yorkie Oliver!


The post Hailey Baldwin is a Video Vixen! appeared first on Egotastic - Sexy Celebrity Gossip and Entertainment News.

Hailey Baldwin is a Video Vixen!

Remember the days where video vixens were a thing? Do they even have girls in music videos anymore or is it sexist like everything else in this world is, according to all the social justice warriors. If they do still exist, call Hailey Baldwin Bieber the new Melyssa Ford because she’s just starred in her second role as Justin’s wife in another music video!

Her fist big break was for the video for Justin Bieber and Ariana Grande’s song Stuck with U, which was shot by the pair in their home in Canada while on quarantine. Now that quarantine basically doesn’t exist in LA, Justin was asked to star in the new DJ Khaled and Drake music video called Popstar. Justin basically plays Drake and around the 6 minute mark Hailey can be seen “waking up” with Justin before they kiss and go for a walk with their yorkie Oliver!


The post Hailey Baldwin is a Video Vixen! appeared first on Egotastic - Sexy Celebrity Gossip and Entertainment News.

God Wanted Kanye West to Ruin Taylor Swift’s VMA Win

I love Kanye West in the same way that I love David Brent from The Office: he is a complete and utter asshole and watching him publicly embarrass himself is satisfying on an almost spiritual level.

Kanye is all about Jesus these days, presumably because he hasn’t figured out that he himself isn’t Jesus. A common question for Kanye is basically a more tactful version of “Kanye, you’re a Christian, how do you reconcile that with the fact that you’re also a huge asshole?” as if every televangelist doesn’t exist.

With all that in mind, here’s how Kanye explained his decision to rush the stage when Taylor Swift was accepting the VMA for ‘You Belong with Me’ and say she didn’t deserve it, via Uproxx:

If God didn’t want me to run on stage and say, “Beyonce had the best video,” He wouldn’t have sat me in the front row. I would’ve been sitting in the back. He wouldn’t have made it the first award. And [He] wouldn’t have made it so ridiculous of an idea ’cause I had never heard of this person before that night. And “Single Ladies” is, like, one of the greatest videos of all time… And I was only drinking Hennessy because I didn’t want to go to the awards show ’cause it was a set-up!

Yes, that’s right, God wanted Kanye to cause trouble. It was definitely God and not some MTV intern trying to stir up drama and boost ratings.

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Katy Perry Poses Half-Naked Days After Giving Birth

Katy Perry sure did just have a baby. We’re glad that she had a healthy baby girl, too. We’re just less glad she’s already back to posting half-naked selfies.

I do not envy women having to give birth. I’m pretty sure those panties she’s wearing are designed to keep all your internal organs from falling out the hole the baby just tore through the mother, which was a common problem for mothers until the industrial revolution. I don’t really know what all goes on, I tuned out of health class as soon as I learned where the clitoris is, that’s really all I needed to know about how women’s bodies work at the time.

I’m also glad that Katy and Orlando Bloom appears to be making things work, especially after seeing this Fox News story about her marriage to Russell Brand.

At first when I met him he wanted an equal, and I think a lot of times strong men do want an equal, but then they get that equal and they’re like, I can’t handle the ‘equalness,'” Perry said. “He didn’t like the atmosphere of me being the boss on tour. So that was really hurtful, and it was very controlling, which was upsetting.

I always wondered how a guy who looks like Brand was some kind of sex symbol. Seriously, it’s not even that he has a big dick, we’ve seen it and it’s tiny (link NSFW).

How do you think Russell Brand feels being the unattractive one in comparison to his ex-wife who has given birth so recently her vagina isn’t completely back inside her body yet.

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50 Cent Says He’s Uncancellable

Ahh, cancel culture. A favorite topic of endless discussion on the internet. Is it even real? I mean, Louis C.K. got cancelled and he’s fine and making a comeback; does it really matter that someone like Justine Sacco had her life derailed for years because of Gawker writer didn’t like a tweet she made if rich people continue to be rich, am I right?

50 Cent, probably correctly, recently said he couldn’t be cancelled at Variety‘s Entertainment Marketing Summit. Via Page Six:

“I’m an entertainer, so to entertain is, I believe, to provoke emotion,” Jackson, 45, told Variety‘s Andrew Wallenstein. “…I don’t believe I can be canceled. They gotta go to jail to get canceled, they gotta shoot a girl,” he said, possibly referencing rapper Tory Lanez’s alleged shooting of Megan Thee Stallion. “You gotta do something extremely bad to be canceled, and I think it’s so unfair to the people that are canceled.”

He’s not wrong: people have tried to cancel Chris Brown and Louis C.K. and Jerry Seinfeld and they’re all still fine. People,e have also wanted to cancel Michael Jackson, David Bowie and John Lennon but it doesn’t really matter if you cancel someone who’s dead, they weren’t going on Kimmel any time soon anyway.

50 also weighed in on Kanye West’s run for President.

“You see Kanye and the things that he’s doing, I wonder if Trump is not re-elected, does he go to jail for tampering with an election?” 50 said. “One of the weaker points for Trump would be the Black vote. So to have Kanye come in, somebody is going to vote for him and it’s probably someone who isn’t going to vote for Trump… It just creates noise. There’s a legitimate attempt at winning the election just by being in it, and I don’t know to whose benefit it is. I know it means nothing when Trump wins again.”

No, you don’t go to jail for “tampering with an election” for running as a third-party candidate, even if you’re intentionally running as a spoiler to pull votes from one candidate to help another candidate win.

I personally don’t think there are a large number of Black voters who are dumb enough to vote for Kanye West, at least not disproportionately so compared to other races. And Joe Biden doesn’t automatically get your vote if you’re not a Trump voter. I think they’re both terrible, but if Joe Biden loses because Kanye West is siphoning that many votes off of him, well, he doesn’t deserve to win.

I’d also add there’s no ideological reason to assume a Biden voter would be swayed to vote for a pro-life conservative who won’t shut up about Jesus, and it seems a little racist to suggest Black voters would just vote for any famous Black person who ran.

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