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Donald Trump Will Save A$AP Rocky

*Perfect time to fix this whole racist president thing* Yes, yes. African-Americans. Not just them. Everybody. Because we’re all one. *Nailed it!*

The post Donald Trump Will Save A$AP Rocky appeared first on The Blemish.

Here’s Why Katy Perry Made Nice With Taylor Swift

Taylor Swift’s feud with Katy Perry was pretty epic, rivaled only by Taylor’s feud with basically everyone else who has spent more than five minutes with her. Seriously, the list people Taylor has publicly feuded with is basically every other female musician and Kanye West. Her list of beefs is like the end of one of those YouTube videos that puts the names of everyone who subscribes to their Patreon, after a few minutes you just don’t care and flip over to Binging with Babish.

Katy Perry decided to be the bigger person with Taylor and apologize over and over again until Taylor finally accepted when Perry sent her a literal olive Branch.

Now Huffington Post has reported the reason why Perry wanted to kiss and make-up with Swift.

“I just thought, you know, she was about to embark on something new and big and needed the support,” Katy said. “And truly, it was like, as I was finishing [my tour], I realised how much we have in common.

“And maybe there’s only five other people in the world that can have the same type of conversations and understand where we’re coming from, and that we should celebrate our commonality and our friendship and to be able to be there for each other.”

Of course, Perry had her own demands when it came to being friends again.

“I said, ‘The only way I’m coming to your house is if I can hold your new cat,’” said Perry.

Yeah, I’m okay with that, that’s a good reason to be friends with someone.

The post Here’s Why Katy Perry Made Nice With Taylor Swift appeared first on The Blemish.

The ‘Cats’ Trailer is Here and – OH GOD NO! Burn It! Burn It With Cleansing Fire!

I’m going to be real with you here for a minute; I knew the Cats movie was going to bad. I warned you it was going to be bad. Basically no matter what they did it was going to be bad because Cats the musical is already bad. But even I didn’t expect it to be this bad.

If this doesn’t become the most disliked video on YouTube I’m changing my opinion on the Ghostbusters trailer.

What’s with Jellicle Taylor Swift acting all sexy? Am I supposed to want to fuck Taylor Swift as a cat? Because I don’t even hate myself enough to want to fuck Taylor Swift as a human.

Seriously, no one likes Cats. The people in Cats don’t even like Cats, they just couldn’t get cast in one of those shitty jukebox musicals like Jersey Boys, an experience that’s almost as good as staying home and listening to The Best of the Four Seasons on Spotify.

Well, okay, one person likes Cats.

When people started tweeting about how Donald Trump loves Cats I thought it was a joke because of how terrible the trailer looks but it’s true.

Yeah, by the way, while you were all writing articles about Idris Elba should be the next James Bond, he was doing this. You Still want that? You want to live in a world where James Bond and M were both shitty CGI cats? I don’t want to live in that world. It’s bad enough Magneto is in this. How am I supposed to watch Vicious and take Ian McKellan seriously as a bitter but ultimately good-hearted old gay man now that I’ve seen him like this?

I know I joke around a lot, but I want to say, seriously, from the bottom of my heart, that this movie is going to be terrible. There are so many good movies out there you probably haven’t seen. Have you seen Easy A? How about The Searchers? What about Rashomon? Toshiro Mifune acts like a cat in that, probably better than Dwight from The Office does, and you’ll understand the structure of so many TV sitcoms after you see it. Yeah, there was a Rashomon episode of Everybody Loves Raymond and you didn’t even realize it. Go see that instead of this, it’ll only cost you $4 and you won’t want to claw your eyes out afterwards.

The post The ‘Cats’ Trailer is Here and – OH GOD NO! Burn It! Burn It With Cleansing Fire! appeared first on The Blemish.

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Celebrity lifestyle posted a photo:

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Grimes Removed Part of Her Eyeball for Depression

Adidas tapped Grimes, real name Claire Boucher, for their latest advertising campaign by Stella McCartney. She wasted no time in taking the opportunity to post her training regime in order to promote the brand. It’s pretty thorough.

ADIDAS: Tell us about ur training regiment ?

GRIMES: My training is a 360 approach. I first maintain a healthy cellular routine where I maximize the function of my mitochondria with supplements such as NAD+, Acetyl L-Carnitine, Magnesium, etc. This helps promote ATP and it’s incredibly visceral. From that point I spend 2-4 hours in my deprivation tank, this allows me to “astro-glide” to other dimensions – past, present, and future.

In the afternoons I do a 1-2 hour sword fighting session with my trainer, James Lew, we go over the fundamentals that work the obliques, core stabilizes, and triceps as well as a few tricks. To wind down from this I spend 30-45 minutes on an inclined hike at roughly 4-4.5 miles per hour, arguably the most efficient workout.

I then spend 45 minutes stretching before heading into the studio where my mind and body are functioning at peak level, with a neuroplastic goal between 57.5 and 71.5 AphC’s (which is my preferred range for my blood type). I’ve outfitted my studio with the highest grade of red light. It is pretty much 1000 sqf IR Sauna.

Hana then comes over and we do a screaming session for 20-25 minutes while I slow boil the honey tea that maximizes vocal proficiency.

I have also eliminated all blue light from my vision through an experimental surgery that removes the top film of my eyeball and replaces it with an orange ultra-flex polymer that my friend and I made in the lab this past winter as a means to cure seasonal depression.

I go to bed with a humidifier on.

Twitter’s Jack Dorsey just read this and squinted really hard. Partly because he suspects there’s someone from his camp secretly feeding Grimes his daily regime and partly because his eye is rejecting the orange ultra-flex polymer he put in it.

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ADIDAS: Tell us about ur training regimen ? GRIMES: My training is a 360 approach. I first maintain a healthy cellular routine where I maximize the function of my mitochondria with supplements such as NAD+, Acetyl L-Carnitine, Magnesium, etc. This helps promote ATP and it’s incredibly visceral. From that point I spend 2-4 hours in my deprivation tank, this allows me to “astro-glide” to other dimensions – past, present, and future. In the afternoons I do a 1-2 hour sword fighting session with my trainer, James Lew, we go over the fundamentals that work the obliques, core stabilizes, and triceps as well as a few tricks. To wind down from this I spend 30-45 minutes on an inclined hike at roughly 4-4.5 miles per hour, arguably the most efficient workout. I then spend 45 minutes stretching before heading into the studio where my mind and body are functioning at peak level, with a neuroplastic goal between 57.5 and 71.5 AphC’s (which is my preferred range for my blood type). I’ve outfitted my studio with the highest grade of red light. It is pretty much 1000 sqf IR Sauna. Hana then comes over and we do a screaming session for 20-25 minutes while I slow boil the honey tea that maximizes vocal proficiency. I have also eliminated all blue light from my vision through an experimental surgery that removes the top film of my eyeball and replaces it with an orange ultra-flex polymer that my friend and I made in the lab this past winter as a means to cure seasonal depression. I go to bed with a humidifier on. #asmc #adidasparley #createdwithadidas #gentrifymordor

A post shared by MISS ANTHROPOCENE (@grimes) on

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Kid Cudi Says His Face Was Melting When He Danced on Stage During MGMT’s Set at Coachella

🌈🌈🌈

The post Kid Cudi Says His Face Was Melting When He Danced on Stage During MGMT’s Set at Coachella appeared first on The Blemish.

Billie Eilish Sucks on Dirty Pennies and Hates Ugly Dudes

I remember when I was this edgy.

The post Billie Eilish Sucks on Dirty Pennies and Hates Ugly Dudes appeared first on The Blemish.

Drake Charging $500 – $1,500 to See Artists That Aren’t Worth $500 – $1,500

The post Drake Charging $500 – $1,500 to See Artists That Aren’t Worth $500 – $1,500 appeared first on The Blemish.

Lil Wayne Has Quit the Blink-182 Tour

Lil Wayne got a little pissy at the crowd size during his performance in Bristow, Virginia on the Blink-182 tour. He ended his hour set about 20 min in and walked off stage. Before leaving, Lil Wayne said, “Hold on, I just want the people to know, if you’re wondering, please forgive me but I am so not used to performing to a crowd—and there’s not too many—that’s not my swag. I’m not sure how long I’m going to be able to do this tour, but make some noise for blink-182 for including me anyway. This might be my last night though. Let’s go.” He called the crowd wack before walking off which is exactly what you want to do when you want more people to show up for your show.

The size of the crowd may have been explained by the heavy rain and traffic. But don’t tell Lil Wayne that. If you’re not there 2 hours early for his set, then fuck you.

The post Lil Wayne Has Quit the Blink-182 Tour appeared first on The Blemish.

Shockingly, Miley Cyrus is Still Bisexual After Getting Married

Being bisexual isn’t something you just turn on and off. I know some celebrities who are bisexual just tell people “Oh I’m gay/a lesbian” once they’re in a relationship, but that’s not because they stopped being bisexual, it’s because for some reason our society cannot wrap its collective head around the idea of someone being attracted to both men and women despite the near-deification of David Bowie that’s gone on since his death.

You might think I’m pulling this out of no where, but look at this E! headline about Cyrus:

Married Miley Cyrus Admits She’s Still Attracted to Women

That’s how being bisexual works, guys. You’re attracted to men and women. Forever.

Of course, Miley isn’t entirely helping things in the interview she gave Elle that this misguided headline referenced.

I think it’s very confusing to people that I’m married. But my relationship is unique. And I don’t know that I would ever publicly allow people in there because it’s so complex, and modern, and new that I don’t think we’re in a place where people would get it. I mean, do people really think that I’m at home in a fucking apron cooking dinner? I’m in a hetero relationship, but I still am very sexually attracted to women. People become vegetarian for health reasons, but bacon is still fucking good, and I know that. I made a partner decision. This is the person I feel has my back the most. I definitely don’t fit into a stereotypical wife role. I don’t even like that word.

Look, my girlfriend is bisexual, and so am I. Most of the people I date are bisexual, we tend to stick to our own because straight people and gay people are all assholes to bisexuals, just ask literally any bisexual person. Mick Jagger will tell you. It’s not unique or complex or modern, it’s two people being faithful to each other because they love each other, and just because we’re not having sex with slightly more people than other monogamous couples it doesn’t mean we need a medal.

At the end of the day, bisexuals are just as capable as anyone else of being monogamous, and you don’t magically stop being bisexual just because you get married. Only if you forget to pay your dues. They go to a good cause, though, we buy David Bowie posters for the needy.

The post Shockingly, Miley Cyrus is Still Bisexual After Getting Married appeared first on The Blemish.

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Celebrity lifestyle posted a photo:

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Celebrity lifestyle posted a photo:

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Celebrity lifestyle posted a photo:

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Celebrity lifestyle posted a photo:

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Celebrity lifestyle posted a photo:

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Celebrity lifestyle posted a photo:

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Celebrity lifestyle posted a photo:

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Celebrity lifestyle posted a photo:

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Liam and Noel Gallagher of Oasis Still Hate Each Other as Liam Apologizes For Sending Threats To Noel’s Daughter

When I was a kid, Oasis was a really big deal. Not as big as Pearl Jam or Radiohead or any of your actual good bands, but they were still everywhere. You couldn’t get through a day without hearing ‘Wonderwall’ at some point.

You’d think that because the bad consisted of two brothers, Noel and Liam Gallagher, that they’d avoid a Beatles-style breakup, but it turns out that being brothers doesn’t mean you won’t entirely hate each other’s guts, as the Gallagher’s famously do. While I originally thought they could just rotate new Gallagher siblings in and out the way Shameless does, but they split up ten years ago and have since just made no effort to hide how much they absolutely can’t stand each other.

Well, they’re at it again.

After Noel’s wife shit on Liam in a Facebook post, he sent his niece a text saying “Tell your step Mam to be very careful,” which Noel posted on on Twitter with a reply.

So you’re sending threatening messages via my teenage daughter, are you now? You were always good at intimidating women though, eh?

What you planning on doing anyway? Grabbing my wife by the throat to show her who’s boss? Or maybe trying to waddle through our double gates and performing Shitwave in the communal garden or daubing your wank lyrics on the toilet walls?

If I wake up and find one of the kids’ gerbils upside down on the cheese board with a knife in it, I’ll be sure to inform the local care in the community officer.

And don’t try and kidnap the cat either, we’ve just employed Ross Kemp as his close protection officer. Enjoy the summer, Big Tits. Catch up soon.

Liam then apologized to his mother and his niece, pointed leaving out Noel and his wife.

Honestly, as much as some people want Oasis to reform, I can’t help but find this much more entertaining then they ever were as a band.

The post Liam and Noel Gallagher of Oasis Still Hate Each Other as Liam Apologizes For Sending Threats To Noel’s Daughter appeared first on The Blemish.

Emma Portner Absolutely Went OFF on Justin Bieber Over His Treatment of Her as an Employee

Emma Portner, also known as Mrs Ellen Page because no one has actually heard of Emma Portner, took to her Instagram Story recently to launch a broadside attack on Justin Bieber, for whom she worked as a choreographer.

Emma starts with some histrionics that make me almost immediately take Bieber’s side, which, if you’re a regular reader you know is really hard to do. Here’s what she said, though. “I gave your universe my naive body, creativity, time and effort. Twice.”

Okay, let’s settle down, you did some choreography for a pop singer, that ranks just above mime on the artist scale.

She went on to say that Bieber paid her less than minimum wage for her time and she had to work another job. She also said he “degrades” women more than once, but didn’t give any example of how other than the aforementioned low pay.

Then she went into an attack on his church, which is sort of a fashionable thing as is there are any religions that are super LGBT friendly.  Methodists, I guess? Mormons for about a week or two now.

Then she compared Bieber to Chris Brown, which I don’t think is going to make her any friends seeing as how Brown allegedly beat the complete shit out of his girlfriend and Bieber hired you as an independent contractor and goes to a church you don’t like. These things are not really the same at all, and I think it’s pretty offensive to conflate them.

Still, I don’t have a lot of trouble believing (or Beliebing) that Just is a giant asshole. Just don’t remember being accused of beating a woman until she could barely walk is all.

The post Emma Portner Absolutely Went OFF on Justin Bieber Over His Treatment of Her as an Employee appeared first on The Blemish.

Lil Nas X Comes Out on the Last Day of Pride Month

Man, if you thought country music fans were mad about Lil Nas X being on the Country chart despite being black, wait until they find out he’s also gay.

Just after his performance at Glastonbury, Lil Nas X made this tweet that seemed to be him coming out as gay. Or bi, we’ll get to that later.

It’s pride month, there’s a rainbow, the connection is pretty obvious.

He followed that up with this.

And then he started getting silly.

But you’re also reading a little too much into what he said.

Remember before when I mentioned he might be bi?

Just use the word biexual, people know what it means. There’s nothing that drives me crazier than some 20-year-old sipping a $5 bottle of white wine going “I’m not into labels, I just like people and not bodies, you know?” Just say you’re fucking bi. If it was good enough for David Bowie it’s good enough for you.

That wasn’t actually aimed at Lil Nas, it was aimed at some bitch named Becca or Tawney who’s really into crystals.

Unrelated, Nas also cleared up how to pronounce his new single ‘C7osure’.

I like this dude, gay or bi, he’s got a sense of humor.

TMZ had a little inside information on his decision.

The post Lil Nas X Comes Out on the Last Day of Pride Month appeared first on The Blemish.

Rapper Blueface Called His Mom a ‘Clout Chaser’

You know, my whole life I’ve heard rappers do interviews where they talk about how important it is to respect your mother. She’s the woman who gave you life and raised you and she loves you unconditionally. So the last thing you want to do is take the side of two disposable thots over your momma.

No one told Blueface this stuff, apparently, because he took the side of two disposable thots over his own mother. The Shade Room on Instagram had a video of him kicking his mother and sister out of his house, literally. As in he kicked his sister. With his foot.’

He also said his mother was “Do(ing) it for the clout” on his Instagram story.

The public spectacle continued with his sister also taking to her Instagram Story to get a few shots in, saying Blueface’s new girlfriend “must suck some mean dick.” I mean, it’s obviously mean, it kicked his sister and mother out.

Blueface later claimed his mother let him live in his car and it was time for her to go.

Still man, that’s your mom. She’s going to love you long after your live-in side piece stops calling.

See, people think having two girlfriends would be awesome, but it’s just twice as much trouble.

The post Rapper Blueface Called His Mom a ‘Clout Chaser’ appeared first on The Blemish.

Hawkeye Released His First Generic Single

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Britney Spears Still Looks Amazing in That ‘… Baby One More Time” Outfit

It’s been over 20 years since Britney Spears debut single ‘…Baby One More Time’ was released, along with a video that gave teenage me what was basically a permanent erection that lasted sometime into my 20s. You really owe it to yourself to watch it if you’ve never seen it.

It’s not a bad song either, it’s pretty catchy.

Spears is now 37 instead of 17 and it turns out that being locked up in an asylum is just great for your figure because Britney is still wearing the iconic outfit she wore in that video.

It’s really something that she looks that good. She’s been through so much to get here: being married to a huge douche, shaving her head, being on How I Met Your Mother, going crazy after the way How I Met Your Mother ended… it was a real rollercoaster.

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☘☘☘

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But I mean damn, just look at her! You’d never know she’s a crazy redneck unless she opened her mouth and said absolutely anything.

The post Britney Spears Still Looks Amazing in That ‘… Baby One More Time” Outfit appeared first on The Blemish.