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INSANE Vitaly Uncensored Stunt Of The Week: Chick Poops, Gets Boob Sucked, Gives Guy Boner

Head HERE for the UNCENSORED version of the full video

Someone’s been a busy girl! The viral new site Vitaly Uncensored is basically Girls Gone Wild meets Punk’d, and it’s definitely our new favorite place on the Internet to get off. Vitaly pulls off some of the craziest stunts with the craziest chicks, and for today’s video, he pretends to kick out a woman for pooping in his backyard. Their argument is interrupted by some strangers – one of which starts sucking on her amazing boobs and even gets a boner on camera while doing so! This is the kind of shizz you need to see to believe. Make sure to catch the rest of the action by clicking the links! Just, dayum dude. Dayum.

Head HERE for the UNCENSORED version of the full video

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Gloria and Sofi are Lithe and Lovely Lesbians

Gloria and Sofi sitting in a tree. K. I. S. S. I. N. G. Okay, so they’re not sitting in a tree, but they most certainly are K. I. S. S. I. N. G., and that’s a reason to be excited! They’re also naked as all get out, which really adds to the appeal of this entire photo set. Not only are Gloria and Sofi lusty lesbians, they’re also naked for the majority of this new photo spread.

Dancing to the music, Gloria and Sofi sway their stunning, all-natural figures to the upbeat song until the fun really begins. In no time at all, they throw each other in the water and begin to undress one another seductively. Running their hands down each other’s petite figures, you won’t be able to look away.

As far as perfect days go, one like this is just what Sofi has in mind when thinking up her perfect first date. “My ideal first date would just be when everyone is relaxed and having fun,” she says with a bright smile. “I don’t need anything special to feel attractive,” she says confidently, “but I feel best nude!”

Photos courtesy of Playboy Plus

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‘Tattooed Beauties’ Will Make You Want to Buy a Book Again

When’s the last time you bought a book and read it cover to cover? If it’s been as long as I suspect, it’s time to consider making your first book purchase in quite some time thanks to Goliath’s new amazing photography book Tattooed Beauties.

Masterfully produced by fashion and tattoo star photographer Christian Saint, across 250 high-quality printed pages you will see over 50 great-looking tattoo beauties, including Kelly Eden, Bonnie Rotten, Abbey So, Riae, Maegan Machine, Fallon Ven Detta, Alesandra Nicole, Emily Shephard, Cleo Wattenström, Kayte Rae, Annasthesia Awful, Bambu Jessica, Dani Vi, Gabriella Saturria, Linette Otero, Hayley G, Vanessa Lake, Jennifer Lynn, Jesse Lee D, Jessica Wilde, Kay Reynolds, Leila Rose, Leza Lush, Linnea Thomasia, Phay Moss, and Sarah Jensen. Also included are loads of exciting top tattoos, all super erotic and fantastically photographed.

The book has 256 pages total and 250 photos, so you do the math on how much “reading” you’ll have to do once you purchase this book. The perfect display piece for any tattoo aficionado or just anyone that loves the beauty of a naked woman, Tattooed Beauties is the perfect summer read!

Click here to order your copy of Tattooed Beauties today!

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All photos courtesy of Goliath Books

 

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Flora Garai’s Got a Snake, Mang, Let Her Charm Yours

You guys remember that old chestnut, “I got a snake, mang,” right? Well, Flora Garai’s got a snake too, mang, and she’s definitely at ease with the creatures of the night as you can tell from this amazing new Playboy spread. Flora’s the kind of chick who doesn’t mind getting fully nude in the company of snakes and owls, so she’s got to be a real creature of the night herself.

I wonder if this is some sort of confession on Flora Garai’s part to her being a nocturnal being. It’s possible that some humans are nocturnal, and I think Flora Garai might be one of them. Why bother with the day time if all it’s going to do is net you a bunch of pals who are asleep? Better to hang with those of your own kind, creatures that love coming out at night, like Flora Garai and owls and snakes.

She could also be a latent pet detective of some sort and this is her way of communing with nature. There’s a lot of different ways to read this nude spread from Flora Garai, but I think the most important takeaway here is that she looks spectacular naked. All the rest is just guesswork.

Photos courtesy of Playboy Plus

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Sera Mann is All Woman, As You Can See When You Check Out Her Naked Body

Don’t be fooled by her last name, Sera Mann is all woman. If you have your doubts about that, I would advise you to behold the amazing pictures in the gallery below and see your petty argument struck down in a ball of flame. She’s a woman who enjoys doing any number of things, so long as she gets to be naked while she does them. That’s the Sera Mann way.

Honestly, the only real bummer here is that there are only nine pictures of Sera Mann’s stunning self for us to enjoy. It feels like there could have been a hundred times that number and it still would’ve been too few pictures. I feel like all nine of these pics are perfection, though, so it’s always good to raise the average, so to speak, by having fewer pictures.

I just don’t think there’s such a thing as having “too many” naked pictures of Sera Mann. I don’t think there’s any point on sitting on any pictures of her, even if she’s blinking or pulling a stupid face in some of them. Having only nine pictures makes me wonder where all the rest are. I get it, good problem to have, but a problem nonetheless.

Photos courtesy of Playboy Plus

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Playboy Model Ana Maria is Forlorn, Fully Nude

I don’t know why Ana Maria looks so sad and detached in this new photo set from Playboy, but there’s something melancholy running through these pictures. There’s an unmistakeable air of sadness that permeates her every look. Is she missing someone? Is she thinking of times gone by? Who can tell for sure?

Part of me thinks that Ana Maria was promised a pony ride and when the photographer showed up without the pony, she just became very withdrawn and forlorn. It’s hard to get your hopes up and then see those hopes dashed, and Ana Maria has that dejected look of someone who was promised a pony ride only to find out that dad spent all his money on Cutty Sark. Again.

I know what might Ana Maria in a better mood? Get her a damn pony ride already, Playboy. You guys have got to know some sort of black market animal dealers somewhere, get on the phone, make a few calls, and get this gorgeous woman the god damned pony ride she was promised. It’s literally the least you can do at this point, considering how much Ana Maria has given us in return.

Photos courtesy of Playboy Plus

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Don’t Go Chasing Waterfalls, Chase a Nude Bella Chase Instead

Like so many Playboy models, Bella Chase’s name is likely fictitious, but it doesn’t make the direction in her last name any less meaningful. There is a chase afoot everyday in Bella Chase’s life as men metaphorically and literally chase her to the ends of the earth. It may not be the most futile quest anyone’s ever undertaken, but you’d be hard pressed to say it’s not a noble quest.

Bella Chase also sounds like the name of someone obsessed with garbage pop culture. Did she take her first name from the heroine of Twilight and her surname from the hero of Entourage? I don’t know, but I wouldn’t be surprised since those are both overwhelmingly popular pop culture characters and the nostalgia people feel for them both is palpable. Part of me thinks this is possible, but the logical part of me says that she probably just wanted a last name that made you think of always being in pursuit of Bella Chase.

And so the Chase is on. The Chase for Bella Chase. That sounds like a charity event people might actually show up for. We really need to raise awareness and get people on board for all of this as quickly as possible.

Photos courtesy of Playboy Plus

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Explore Your Fringe Benefits Package with Naked HR Rep Megan Blake

If you’ve ever worked in corporate America, you know that there’s nothing worse than a meeting about your benefits package with your HR representative. That’s what makes Megan Blake so much better than the average HR rep, because when she’s got a list of things to let you know about, she’s going to strip down to nothing while informing you of your rights and benefits as a part of the company.

Now, I don’t know what company Megan Blake works for, and it may well be Playboy, but the name of this photo set was “Fringe Benefits” which makes my corrupted mind harken back to my years spent in the corporate world. Using buzzwords like “best practices” and “low hanging fruit” was arguably the worst period of my entire life, but I really think things could have been improved had a single one of my HR reps looked or behaved anything like Megan Blake.

So the next time you’re called into an hour long meeting that easily could have been an e-mail, sneak in these pictures of Megan Blake. At least it’ll give you something productive to do while the meeting’s going on. That’s more than anyone else has ever done for your sanity in these situations.

Photos courtesy of Playboy Plus

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Often I Think of Hailey Afton and Her Amazing Nude Body

I don’t know much about Hailey Afton, other than her last name sounds like a combination of After and Often. I don’t know if that’s what her ancestors were going for with that last name, but I think they’d be proud to know that their genes are alive and well in the form of the gorgeous—and gorgeously nude—Hailey Afton.

We all think about our legacy and what will come of our bloodline when it no longer courses through our veins. I think I’d be quite content to know that, hundreds of years from now, some progeny of mine is as beautiful as Hailey Afton, particularly when she’s nude, lounging around the house, and flaunting her perfect body.

I don’t think we’d want our descendants doing much more than that, after all, it can get quite tiring repressing all of those hunter gatherer instincts. Better to stay inside, nude, like Hailey Afton. She’d be making her ancestors proud if they could see her now. Hell, they’d probably pleasure themselves to her. They are cavemen, after all, and we don’t expect much more than that from cavemen.

Photos courtesy of Playboy Plus

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I’m Looking Over a Nude Katya Clover

If you were raised in an Irish household, you’ve no doubt heard the upbeat tune “I’m Looking Over a Four Leaf Clover.” It’s an old standby and one that your Irish grandmother was sure to croon whenever good news was on the horizon—which, if you were raised in an Irish household—was next to never.

Well, even if you’re not familiar, there’s no reason that you can’t look over a nude Katya Clover, a new and nude model for Playboy that loves the beach and, more importantly, loves getting naked at the beach. There aren’t many nude beaches here in the States, so I imagine they went somewhere where the laws—and morals—are a bit looser.

There’s plenty to admire as you look over Katya Clover, from her incredibly tight body to her love of ridding herself of every scrap of body hair. Sure, it makes her look a bit like a sex doll below the waist, but isn’t that what society has taught us to desire? I don’t even know anymore, it’s so hard to keep up with the trends. Damn kids.

Photos courtesy of Playboy Plus

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Jasmine Jazz Will Have You Playing the Skin Flute Like Jethro Tull

I know that jazz is not everyone’s cup of tea, nor should it be, but I do have a very strong feeling that the gorgeous Jasmine Jazz could very easily be classified as being everyone’s cup of tea because she is absolutely stunning. Seriously, if she’s not your cup of tea, it might be time to switch to a new drink.

In some of these pictures, Jasmine Jazz seems to subtly resemble Morena Baccarin, another woman that could easily be classified as everyone’s cup of tea. The major difference here, for me anyway, is that Jasmine Jazz is much more comfortable hanging around the house nude. While Morena has done some nudity on screen before, she doesn’t strike me as the type to ever get quite as naked as Jasmine is in these pictures.

Perhaps the thing that jazz music is missing is nude pictures of Jasmine Jazz. I have a hard time believing that anyone would be upset if they had a slideshow of nude Jasmine Jazz pictures playing behind every single jazz show in the country. It might bring a lot of new fans to the music. Such is the power of Jazz, and by Jazz, I mean Jasmine Jazz.

Photos courtesy of Playboy Plus

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Meet Carmen Nikole, Playboy’s Muse of the Month for April

The start of a new month can mean only one thing: It’s time for a new Playboy Muse of the Month, and this month they’ve selected an outstandingly sexy representative, sure to serve as a muse for thousands upon thousands of men… Carmen Nikole! This brunette beauty is going to take the month of April by storm, coming in like a lion and staying as ferociously sexy as can be for the entire month.

I don’t know which beach Carmen Nikole graced with her presence for this photo shoot, but it’s got me longing for the days I’ll be spending at the beach later this summer. It’s always nice to get a reminder of how good you’re gonna have it soon enough, and seeing Carmen Nikole at the beach will make you dream of warmer climes. But all in good time.

So while you spend the month of April musing on the lovely Carmen Nikole, try not to get too far ahead of yourself. Living in the moment is important and we consume ourselves too much with the future. So take a deep breath and drink in these incredibly sexy pictures of Carmen Nikole, careful not to stray outside the moment.

Photos courtesy of Playboy Plus

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Blonde Beauty Lindsay Marie Slips Into Something Comfortable, aka Nothing

This new photo set starring the gorgeous Lindsay Marie is titled “Something Comfortable” which is the exact way I imagine someone this hot looks when nude. When it’s suggested that Lindsay Marie slip into something more comfortable, she takes it all off and that’s about as comfortable as it can get.

On the other hand, if I were to slip into something more comfortable, I would probably pick sweatpants and a t-shirt, but that’s what separates someone like me from someone truly beautiful like Lindsay Marie. She is comfortable wearing nothing at all, where I’m comfortable in clothing.

Now, I don’t want her to ever find out that you can be comfortable in clothing. The longer she associates the phrase “something comfortable” with total nudity, everything’s gonna be just hunky dory around here. I sincerely hope she never reads this article, which shouldn’t be too tall an order.

While we all have different designs on the phrase “something comfortable,” I’m enamored by the fact that Lindsay Marie takes that to mean totally nude. I think she’s got the best definition of all, and one that can just be exclusive to her, as far as I’m concerned.

Photos courtesy of Playboy Plus

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Angel Constance Brings Us a Taste of Heaven Right Here on Earth

Remember that 80s hit “Heaven is a Place on Earth” by former GoGo Belinda Carlisle? That song is running through my head as I look at these heavenly nudes from Angel Constance, a name that makes it sound like she belongs in the clouds. I would go so far as to say that Angel Constance is a celestial being and doesn’t appear to have been assembled anywhere here on earth.

Not to say that Angel Constance looks assembled in any way, shape, or form, just to say that the perfection she exhibits doesn’t seem to be of a man-made construct. She seems far too heavenly to have come into existence here on earth without any sort of divine intervention. Does that mean she was the product of an immaculate conception? I’m not sure about all of that, but I wouldn’t rule it out.

Just one look at Angel Constance in the all together should be enough to convince you that perfection, while not attainable, is still possible. There’s a divine hand in Angel Constance’s creation, because you don’t just go around seeing women this beautiful on a regular basis. Enjoy the perfection along with me!

Photos courtesy of Playboy Plus

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Toni Maria Gets Your Blood Pumping with Her Naked Body

The age old conundrum regarding Playboy is the line of thought that they might eventually run out of women willing to take their clothes off, but I don’t think that’s ever going to be a problem. It hasn’t been a problem for well over sixty years now and likely won’t ever be a problem so long as beautiful women like Toni Maria continue to doff their duds in the name of our enjoyment.

Toni’s puffy nipples and tightly toned body are enough to get your blood pumping, and though her tattoo is a tad distracting, there’s an element of beauty happening everywhere else on her body that seems to overwhelm and make you forget all about that tattoo.

Tattoos do it for some guys, though, so I guess it’s important for me not to write that off wholesale. I guess I just prefer the parts of Toni Maria that aren’t covered in garish tattoos. But, as the saying goes, to each his own, and I’m sure there are plenty of you out there who will go nuts over her tattoo. As for me, I’m just trying to hold my thumb up and squint enough to pretend like it’s not there. But that’s me.

Photos courtesy of Playboy Plus

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Playboy’s Muse of the Month for March, Rosé, Visits the Pool

If you’re an avid Playboy consumer, you may recognize March’s Muse of the Month, Rosé, from her appearance in the 2018 Los Angeles Casting Call Vol. 2, where the sultry Spanish siren first gave us a taste of her tantalizing body. If this is your introduction to Rosé, may I be the first to congratulate you for feasting your eyes on one of the most beautiful women on the planet.

For her first official shoot as Muse of the Month, Rosé spent the day lounging by the pool, stripping off her neon yellow bikini, and then hopping into the water with her trusted crocodile flotation device. Speaking of flotation devices, one look at Rosé’s breasts and you’ll have the feeling you’re staring at true perfection.

Fans of shaved beauties are sure to get plenty of satisfaction from Rosé as well, as she looks absolutely stunning with her hairless self. In all honesty, she looks so good in that bikini, it’s almost a shame she ends up taking it off. The good news is that she manages to look even better with the bikini off, proving that sometimes, a tease isn’t enough. You don’t want a piece, you want the whole damn thing!

Photos courtesy of Playboy Plus

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