If I live to be a thousand, I will never understand why people want to ski. It’s all the fun of falling down the side of a mountain combined with the thrill of getting frostbite on your face and extremities. If I never have to hear some 28-year-old day trader say the word gnar-gnar again, I will live a happy life.
While automation is threatening to disrupt the world economy and cause a massive concentration of wealth that could lead to massive poverty and civil unrest, we are building more and more robots that will do jobs that humans legitimately don’t want to do, like having sex with you or being a woman in Saudi Arabia. You can add skiing to that list, as just outside of where the Winter Olympics are being held, we’ve also had the first-ever robot skiing contest, the “Edge of Robot: Ski Robot Challenge” contest. It didn’t have the word Olympics in it because the IOC is notoriously litigious, even though Robolympics is sitting right there.
As reported by The Verge, the contest paid $10,000 to the winner, which doesn’t seem like enough money to build a robot that can ski. They also put the robots in little skiing outfits which seems completely unnecessary but also adorable, like when you put a baby in a three-piece suit.
Waking up this morning to see the photo I took of Conor and his little boss baby is trending at #1 on Reddit! Not that I'm surprised. Look at that suit! David August made it especially for Conor Jack and turned him into the most adorable mini me. Link to the New York Times article in my bio. See more photos on my website in the "Portraits" gallery! Emilywilsonphotography.com. . . . @nytimes @thenotoriousmma @davidaugustclothing @reddit #thenotorius #conormcgregor #mayweathermcgregor #fightweek #ufc #mma #menwithclass #menswear #dapper #fashiondesigner #suit #portrait #pursuitofenergy #energyseeker #liveauthentic #photographer #inspiration #documentarian #theproject #pursuitofpotraits #lasvegasphotographer #behindthescenes #editorialphotography
See that? There’s no reason for that, that baby isn’t going to some important baby meeting in the world’s most adorable boardroom, but I’m glad it happened. Same with robots in ski suits.
Tijdens de Olympische Spelen #OS2018 doen ook #robots een poging om te #Skiën bij de #Robot #Ski #Challenge. Donderdag meer hierover @NPORadio5 en vrijdag @NPO1. Hier alvast de eerste wedstrijdbeelden. Opzij, opzij, opzij… => https://t.co/QjfHwONYKW pic.twitter.com/c5glsL5RvB
— Richard Lamb (@RichardLamb) February 12, 2018
Look at that, it’s like Short Circuit 3: Johnny 5 Goes To Aspen. That little guy was the winner, named Taekwon V, after this amazingly terrible 1970’s Korean cartoon that is 100% a Mazinger Z rip-off.
It’s nice to see robots enjoying recreational activities for once instead of falling in with a bad crowd like those BattleBots. Unfortunately, Russia’s robot was disqualified for using performance-enhancing motor oil, but I think we were all expecting that to happen anyway.
If you’re like me, you tuned out of the Winter Olympics right around the second you heard NHL players wouldn’t be playing for their national teams in South Korea. Hockey and curling are really the only events worth watching anyway, but I’m not incredibly interested in watching a bunch of players who couldn’t cut it in the bigs, especially since the Russians won’t even have a team.
There is a draw, though, because even though the unified Korean women’s hockey team is terrible, North Korea sent nearly three hundred cheerleaders, dubbed the “Army of Beauties.” I had to make sure I wasn’t dreaming when I first saw them because literally all of my dreams involve 200 of the most beautiful women in Korean performing synchronized cheers. But it is real, and this sort of display is nothing new for North Korea, the most theatrical ruthless dictatorship in the world. You don’t see Tajikistan pulling out the stops like this.
— Kate Beirness (@KateBeirness) February 10, 2018
North Korean cheerleaders at the Olympics: pic.twitter.com/Y9yuy7KpCC
— Persian Rose (@PersianRose1) February 10, 2018
It’s impressive. North Korea really loves these kinds of displays, the Kim dynasty is clearly theatrical. Speaking of which, there was a minor incident when some people thought that the masks the cheerleaders wore when singing a song sung by a man looked like a young Kim Il-Sung, the first dictator of North Korea and Kim Jong Un’s grandfather.
Wait for it…. one of the stranger moments of the night… North Korean Cheerleaders holding masks as they sing “Whistle” one of North Korea’s most popular songs. #Olympics2018 (Via @Kubik_Kamera) pic.twitter.com/BXACRt27nZ
— Gadi Schwartz (@GadiNBC) February 10, 2018
Those masks are Kim Il Sung's face. Kim Il Sung, as you may know, war criminal in 1950 attacked S.Korea and killed over 300, 000 US soldiers and 3 millions civilians. N. K. cheerleaders holding him now as propaganda against USA. Obviously they contaminated Olympic with politics. pic.twitter.com/OF3OXCtCwq
— 주사파정권과 노비홍준표 대한민국 폐국 (@xmdnlxj777) February 11, 2018
Jesus, does being a communist dictator destroy your genes or something? He is a handsome man, something you wouldn’t guess by looking at his son or grandson.
The North Korean cheerleaders even won praise from American speedskaters Lana Gehring and Maame Biney, who gave comments to USA Today.
“Oh my god, it was awesome,” said Gehring. “They were just doing their little chants and flag waves. I have never seen that before. And their (songs) are so in sync it is like they’ve been practicing them for years.”
“They are really beautiful,” added Biney. “I really liked it.”
Also attracting a lot of attention at the winter games was Kim Yo Jong, the sister of Kim Jong Un, who attended with the North Korean delegation and is the first member of the Kim family to visit South Korea since the end of the Korean War.
After American Vice-President Mike Pence decided to take a knee when the Korean delegation enered the stadium, which by his own logic was an insult to South Korean veterans of the Korean War, Kim Yo Jong has basically made North Korea look reasonable and tolerant in comparison to the Trump administration. So, you know, good job, Pence.
— Anna Fifield (@annafifield) February 10, 2018
Kim Yo Jong’s note when she visited the South Korean Presidential Office. “I hope Pyongyang and Seoul will become closer in the hearts of Koreans and will bring unification and prosperity in the near future.” pic.twitter.com/BsAtD3J2w4
— Anna Fifield (@annafifield) February 10, 2018
Even Kim Yo Jong is celebrating the Olympic spirit. pic.twitter.com/sJtGeLFf5m
— Red T Raccoon (@RedTRaccoon) February 10, 2018
Diplomacy and international relations aren’t a zero-sum game, but how bad at it do you have to be to be completely blown out by North Korea?
If you followed the trial of Larry Nassar, the sports physician to the United States’ female Olympians who was convicted of molesting over a hundred women in his care, there were a lot of shocking things that went on. Nassar abused young female atheletes right in front of their parents, who couldn’t see what he was doing and assume it was, you know, medical. 156 women spoke against him at his sentencing. The US Olympics Committee and other organizations ignored complaints about Nassar for years. And Judge Rosemarie Aquilina gave Nassar a crowd-pleasing dressing down in open court that a huge number of lawyers felt bordered on judicial misconduct, though you can hardly blame her for being angry.
So what happened to Nassar today was less shocking. In the court of Judge Janice Cunningham, a father who had just listened to his three daughters’ accounts of being abused by Nassar, did what you might expect and lunged at Nassar after the judge denied his request for five minutes alone with him in a locked room.
I don’t think there was anyone who didn’t see that coming. I’m honestly surprised it took so long.
Here’s the really interesting part, though: according to CNN the court released the man, Randall Margraves, with no charges or even a fine. The judge told him that she “cannot tolerate or condone vigilantism,” and he apologized to the court, saying he lost his cool because didn’t know what his daughters were going to say until they said it. I can’t blame the guy, can you?
I’m not entirely sure what makes something qualify as a sport, but if rhythmic gymnastics gets to be one, then I guess it’s not that weird that the Global Association of International Sports Federation has decided pole dancing gets to be one. As reported by The Daily Telegraph, pole dancing and six other sports have been granted “Observer status,” which means it’s provisionally a sport. I guess calling it “provisional status” would be too easy.
The historic milestone means that the International Pole Sports Federation (IPSF), founded by Katie Coates, 41, from Hertfordshire, is now able to apply for membership of the International Olympic Committee.
Yeah, pole dancing could be an Olympic sport. And here you thought beach volleyball was the sexiest of Olympic sports.
The IPSF, alongside armwrestling, dodgeball and a number of other events, now has two years to meet GAISF’s requirements to become a fully-recognised sport.
They include becoming compliant with the World Anti-Doping Agency (WADA) and increasing their membership across the world.
Now, you might think that making pole dancing, dodgeball and arm wrestling Olympic sports is ridiculous, and you would be correct. Those are all stupid and none of them are sports. But they are far from the most ridiculous things to be Olympic sports, some of which I will now share with you.
The biathlon is a cross-country skiing event where skiers race to a rifle range, fire five shots at a target, and then have to ski an additional 150 meters for each shot they miss. This has been an Olympic event since 1960.
Handball, which is essentially soccer but you hold the ball in your hand and throw it instead of kicking it, thus removing the entire point of soccer, has been an Olympic event since 1972.
Sailing, which is literally just rich assholes racing yachts, has been an Olympic event since 1896.
Curling, which is awesome and I will not countenance any mockery of this sport of kings in my column, has been an Olympic sport since 1998.
So maybe pole dancing would be right at home in the Olympics. Dressage is an Olympic event where you make a horse dance, so why shouldn’t our hard-working strippers get a chance to bring home the gold? Also, a champagne room would really class up most Olympic venues.
[Image: Flickr/Francisco Osorio]
It seems Ryan Lochte is extra motivated!!
His suspension is over after the scandal that swallowed up the Olympics in Rio de Janeiro back in 2016, and the famous swimmer is ready to get back in the pool -- and he's doing it for a very special reason!
On Saturday afternoon, Lochte shared a video on his Instagram account detailing some of his plans for going for the gold in 2020, and he made it very clear it's all about his son Caiden, who he welcomed in June with fiancée Kayla Rae Reid.
Ch-ch-check out the video -- and note the special caption -- right here:
It's been a long suspension but it's over, I've learned and became a better man from it.... now let's go #2020 #teamtyr #2020isforyoucaiden #justletmeworkA post shared by Ryanlochte (@ryanlochte) on Jul 1, 2017 at 11:59am PDT
He also posted a second video earlier today, too (below):
Jumping into the weekend like..... @tyrsport #teamtyr @steveaoki #aokijump #10meterA post shared by Ryanlochte (@ryanlochte) on Jul 1, 2017 at 9:48am PDT
And here we go! Sounds like Ryan Lochte is back, y'all!
Are you ready?!
[Image via Instagram.]
Hot Female Wrestlers & Celebs posted a photo:
Jules Leotard invented the leotard .Much respect to him and thanks to him.Who doesn't like Hot Female Gymnasts and Aly Raisman?
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This is proof that you really can accomplish great things if you only believe in yourself. #StartedAtTheBottomNowWeHere
As the bay already had the reputation of the meat pie shop in Sweeney Todd, it isn’t exactly getting a leg up in this instance. Originally all the raw sewage was the main concern, but it turns out that the bay is more of a human-stew-raw-sewage mix.
The leg was removed at the hip, and likely belongs to another victim of the city’s crime. Authorities took samples, but doubt they will ever figure out who the leg’s owner was. Finding body parts in that bay is all in a day’s work for Rio’s police.
Main question, what place did the leg come in, though?
Remember Ryan Lochte’s short-lived reality show where he tried really hard to show everyone how big of a douche he really is? I think it was called Ryan Lochte Is a Douche. And remember this interview he did?
Pretty stand-up guy who doesn’t seem like the type who would fabricate a story to cover up something stupid he did, right? Well, do I have surprising news for you. Now that the story about Ryan Lochte and his swim team being robbed at gunpoint is blowing up, his story is starting to fall apart.
TMZ reports that Lochte and his teammates didn’t get robbed, per se. They sort of got really drunk, stopped at a gas station to take a leak, kicked down and broke a bathroom door causing gas station security to come up with a gun and force them to pay for the damages. I mean, it’s sort of the same as having a gun pointed at your temple and being told to give up your money. Just some minor differences. That’s all.
Oh, hey. Bet Lochte and his buddies didn’t think Rio had security cameras.
The video shows the swimmers walking and leaving the bathroom. As soon as they get into their taxi, an employee comes up and tells them to get out. They all have their hands up and are sitting on the ground near the end of it. The team could face prosecution for lying to cops. They could also face more heavy sighs of disappointment from their parents. I’m not sure which is worse.
French gymnast Samir Aït Saïd snapped his leg during the artistic gymnastics men’s team qualification at the Rio Olympics on Friday. You’ve probably already seen the video of the leg break. In case you haven’t, check it out below. If you don’t want to watch it, imagine snapping a chicken wing in half. It was sort of like that.
Surprisingly, his bad luck didn’t end there. By the way, this is apart from the fact that he already qualified for the final on still rings, his best event, and missed the 2012 Olympics after breaking his right tibia in three places.
While being loaded into the ambulance on a stretcher, they dropped him. They freaking dropped the guy with with a broken tibia and fibia. The only way his day could get even worse is if he went to the hospital and found out his doctor was Dr. Nick.
Watch The US Men’s Basketball Team — Except For No-Fun Carmelo Anthony — Sing Along To Vanessa Carlton Lyrics On The Way To The Olympics!
This is too good!
Team USA is heading down to Rio de Janeiro right now to compete in the Olympics over the next few weeks, and while most of the country's men's basketball team is having the time of their lives, one guy is NOT feeling it.
Carmelo Anthony was clearly not in the mood when the men's basketball team started singing the classic song A Thousand Miles, by Vanessa Carlton, on the plane to Brazil today!
First, watch NBA stars Jimmy Butler and Kyrie Irving get it going by really going all in on the performance -- including a little bit of air piano -- below:
@jimmybutler back at it.... Looking like Willie BeamenA video posted by DeMarcus Cousins (@boogiecousins) on Jul 30, 2016 at 8:51am PDT
And what of Melo, you ask?!
Well... he was SO not here for this!
Ch-ch-check out his HIGHlarious reaction (below)!!
Melo ain't having it...😂A video posted by DeMar DeRozan (@demar_derozan) on Jul 30, 2016 at 8:48am PDT
That is TOO funny!!
We can only hope that Carlton isn't offended by Melo's lack of participation! LOLz!!
What about U -- are U tuning into the Olympics with us later this week?!
[Image via Instagram.]