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Please God, Tell Oprah Not to Run for President

There’s a subtle trait about how Donald Trump acts as president that you might not have noticed, but once you do you’ll never be able to stop noticing it. He doesn’t actually know what the fuck he’s doing, so he just does whatever the last person he talked to says. He also believes whatever he’s told by the last person he talks to because he has no foundation of international politics or science. There’s a reason why electing an outsider with no political experience is a bad idea, even if that person is intelligent and charismatic.

So I’m worried when I hear rumors of Oprah running for president, especially when that idea is accompanied by individuals offering to raise billions of dollars for her candidacy. This isn’t hyperbole, this is what Oprah told People in an interview appearing in their latest issue. And you can be damn sure that anyone who spends a billion dollars getting someone elected president is going to expect something in return. I’m not sure I want someone who bring Mehmet Oz on her television show to talk about the healing power of crystals or whatever to have that kind of power and be influenced by whatever billionaire donors she owes her presidency to.

I thought we had put the idea of Oprah running for president to rest. I was sure that sanity had won out, but now Oprah is saying that she would run if God told her to. Frankly, that guy can’t make up his mind, he’s always rooting for both teams in football games and people have fought massive wars where both sides were doing his will.

Amid calls for her to consider a run for the White House — from fans as well as her closest friends — “I went into prayer,” she tells PEOPLE in the magazine’s new cover story. “ ‘God, if you think I’m supposed to run, you gotta tell me, and it has to be so clear that not even I can miss it.’ And I haven’t gotten that.”

I hope she never does. Oprah is good at a lot of things. She’s a genuinely nice person who has done a lot of good in the world. She’s also an excellent television host, but she didn’t always use her platform responsibly. I don’t think, however, that Oprah has a firm grasp of the geopolitical realities of the Middle East, and I don’t think she has good enough judgement to hire people who will handle the things she doesn’t understand properly, and I base that on her making Dr. Oz famous. Oprah will make the same mistakes Trump is making: hiring the wrong people and following whatever advice they give.

First ‘Wrinkle in Time’ Trailer Brings Glitter and Darkness

Ava DuVernay is a stone cold badass. After making Selma, a hit movie showing the darker side and triumph of Martin Luther King Jr., Disney was desperately trying to sign her onto something. They offered her Marvel projects, but she was like “No, I’m good. I’m going to adapt one of the most beloved children’s books of all time, and feature Oprah drenched in glitter.” And Disney said yes!

The first trailer for A Wrinkle in Time, based on the classic 1963 Madeleine L’Engle novel is trippy as balls, but in a good way. Oprah gets to get her good fairy on, and she looks faaaaabulous. Her hair is towering, and she brings gravitas to silly fantasy lines about encroaching darkness and all while wearing more glitter than you’d find in Kesha’s swimming pool.

Chris Pine is in it too. His face looks 90% less punchable than usual. Maybe he’s just got all sorts of good will after Wonder Woman was such a hit.

The best part is that the movie doesn’t look dark, or muddy, or focus tested by a greedy and cowardly studio. It looks balls-out crazy. It’s got visual style, and flair and costumes for miles. And glitter. Oh so much glitter. Like I said, you’d be foolish to bet against Ava DuVernay, who seems to bend reality to her whims. It looks like this movie will give us a look into what’s inside her brilliantly twisted imagination.

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