Thank goodness for Demi Rose being in these photos, because without her they would be real duds. Seeing nothing but tropical scenery gets old pretty quickly. That is why people only go to Florida for a week at a time, aside from the retirees, but they don’t count. The retirees are practically refugees that wouldn’t survive in their homelands.
I am not so sure I would even be impressed by that giant swing if it wasn’t for Demi’s big haunches resting atop it. It surely wouldn’t be very comfortable to sit on since it is only a plank of wood, and it is so long that you would not be able to get a good grip of the ropes in order to kick yourself up high. Honestly, she is basically just sitting on a bench that is suspended from the ceiling.
The only thing that is really remarkable about the swing is how big it is. The swing already looks big compared to Demi’s body, but then I remembered just how big Demi’s booty is. That means the swing must be even bigger than I first thought. If only there was a normal sized booty that was also within the frame that could serve as a reference.
Photo Credit: Instagram
I haven’t seen better buns since Hot Cross season last Easter. Pixie should be proud of herself. I’m proud for her. Her outfit is making her hotter and more desirable than anything that’s ever come out of an oven. I’d rub butter all over her but I’m pretty sure that it’s against the law in most states. We’d have to travel to France for that kind of fun. I’d love to watch her turn a golden baked brown on the beach in a bikini just so I can worship her on the sand. She’s hot enough to start her own religion and I don’t mind being her first disciple.
Photo Credit: MEGA
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I’ve come up with a list of things I rather do than be closer to Chrissy. And just as you’ve figured, it’s an empty list. I have no idea why she’s frolicking around on the beach in all white with no pants, but as the millennials say, “I’m here for it.” The woman is a gift from God. I’d lay down a beach towel and pray in the direction of her because she deserves, and is overdue for some worship. People might think I’m crazy for saying I’ve seen an Angel on Earth, but the beauty that Teigen possesses is not of this world, and obviously from a heavenly realm.
Photo Credit: Elle UK / Instagram
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I feel halfway embarrassed that I did not get Taylor a gift for her birthday, while she gave all of us the gift of her legs. That is not how this day is supposed to work.
Taylor has enough class to not bring up this sort of insult in the future, hanging the guilt over our heads until she feels satisfied. Instead she will only keep those feelings internalized, telling no one about it, making sure our reputations are left intact. Not that my reputation was ever something worth saving, but there might be a few of you out there with something of merit.
If anyone asks why I didn’t get Taylor anything I will tell them I bought her a t-shirt of a cat wearing glasses, but it turns out she already had one. That is not the kind of gift that person can double up on. There are plenty of things a person can have two of, like shoes and bottle openers, but unique cat shirts are not among them. If a person owns too many animal shirts then they run the risk of becoming social pariahs rather than lovable oddballs.
Photo Credit: Backgrid USA / Instagram
Sarah Hyland has a corner on the petite brunette market, proving herself much more talented and much more willing to show off her beautiful body than someone like, say, Ariana Grande. If you like your brunettes teeny tiny, there’s no one better than Sarah Hyland to follow on social media.
One of Sarah’s most favorite articles of clothing is a thong bikini and here we have plenty of pics of the Modern Family star’s sexiest looks. It would be difficult to pick a favorite, since there are so many great shots here, but there’s bound to be one or two that rise to the head of the class. I may be mixing my metaphors here, but I think you catch my drift. I hope so, anyway.
I guess it’s a given at this point in time that Sarah’s not worried about tan lines, considering how much time she spends in a bikini, but the thong really offers more possibilities for even coloring across your entire body. It’s a smart move if you’re looking to step up your tan game, though don’t expect anyone to give Sarah Hyland a run for the throne any time soon.
Photo Credit: Instagram / Getty Images
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I have never been one for puns, it might be due to my lack of pun making ability. Not that I can’t make them, it just takes me longer than most people to come up with a clever pun. But when I do have a pun, let me tell you it’s pretty great. I spent all day staring at Maitland Ward enjoying a chilly day at the pumpkin patch and let me tell you, her pokies will get your gourd!
See, that one was pretty good. Not as great as Maitland Ward’s pokies, but still I’m pretty proud of myself for that one. Not only do we get to share in the awesomeness of Maitland Ward wearing a tight, kind of see-through sweater with no bra, but I brought a smile to your face with a pretty clever pun. Yeah, puns like that and Maitland Ward’s pokies don’t come around all that often, but when they do it sure is a good time. Though, I think only part of that last statement is true. Maitland Ward has pokies a little more often than me coming up with clever puns. Oh well, we’d all rather have Maitland Ward pokies than puns.
Just like Halloween and pumpkin patches, my puns will only be here once a year. And that’s okay, I can live with that. We can’t all come up with puns as awesome as Maitland Ward’s pokies now can we.
Photo Credit: Splash News
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Emily Ratajkowski is eye candy of the sweetest kind. I enjoy bubble gum, chocolate bars, and all other types of confectioneries, but Emily is my absolute favorite. And the best part is that indulging in her doesn’t add on any unnecessary calories. I’ll take two scoops of her any day. I’m actually quite sad that summer is over in my area since Emily seems to be attracted to sunny skies and warm weather. It would have been nice to have a Ratajkowski sighting in the wild at a beach near me. No worries. The best things in life always require a little looking and a little bit of effort. I’ll break out a can of elbow grease and get right to work on searching where she could possibly be. She looks way too beautiful to not be a snow bird in search of the best destination to show off her bikini.
I feel like if it came down to it, I’d explore the edge of every ocean, and swim across several seas just to see a sliver of her shadow on the sand. When a woman’s silhouette is worth that kind of trouble I can’t imagine what I would do just to get a good glimpse at her good side.
Photo Credit: Instagram
For those who enjoy their hamburgers with extra cheese, Makela Saint Fort has got the feast your eyes have been yearning for. Her chest pillows look like they would be so soft that they could turn any man into Rip Van Winkle. I do not know about the rest of you, but a quality pillow is essential for a good night’s rest in my opinion, almost more so than the mattress.
That is why I never understood why ol’ Rip was able to sleep outside for so long. I have a hard time sleeping through one night regardless of how much liquor has been ingested. Why I don’t upgrade my bedding materials is a complicated issue. See, the more welcoming my home is, the more likely people are to want to stay over. That leads to many problems, not the least of which being me having to update everything in my apartment.
It does not matter to me how uncomfortable my own bed is, sleeping next to someone else is always worse. It is like having a living, breathing uncomfortable pillow trying to sleep on you. Makela might be a workaround to that experience by turning her into the pillow.
Photo Credit: Instagram