I feel halfway embarrassed that I did not get Taylor a gift for her birthday, while she gave all of us the gift of her legs. That is not how this day is supposed to work.
Taylor has enough class to not bring up this sort of insult in the future, hanging the guilt over our heads until she feels satisfied. Instead she will only keep those feelings internalized, telling no one about it, making sure our reputations are left intact. Not that my reputation was ever something worth saving, but there might be a few of you out there with something of merit.
If anyone asks why I didn’t get Taylor anything I will tell them I bought her a t-shirt of a cat wearing glasses, but it turns out she already had one. That is not the kind of gift that person can double up on. There are plenty of things a person can have two of, like shoes and bottle openers, but unique cat shirts are not among them. If a person owns too many animal shirts then they run the risk of becoming social pariahs rather than lovable oddballs.
Photo Credit: Backgrid USA / Instagram
For those who enjoy their hamburgers with extra cheese, Makela Saint Fort has got the feast your eyes have been yearning for. Her chest pillows look like they would be so soft that they could turn any man into Rip Van Winkle. I do not know about the rest of you, but a quality pillow is essential for a good night’s rest in my opinion, almost more so than the mattress.
That is why I never understood why ol’ Rip was able to sleep outside for so long. I have a hard time sleeping through one night regardless of how much liquor has been ingested. Why I don’t upgrade my bedding materials is a complicated issue. See, the more welcoming my home is, the more likely people are to want to stay over. That leads to many problems, not the least of which being me having to update everything in my apartment.
It does not matter to me how uncomfortable my own bed is, sleeping next to someone else is always worse. It is like having a living, breathing uncomfortable pillow trying to sleep on you. Makela might be a workaround to that experience by turning her into the pillow.
Photo Credit: Instagram
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If there’s one woman that makes my heart go ooh la la every time, it’s Marissa Jade. Especially when she’s wearing her best next to a pool in Paris. Oui oui and more yes yes please. If Paris is the city of love, I need to make an appointment to see her so we can fall into it together. I’m already convinced that I’m in love with her so I’ve done my half of the job. I just need to help her realize that I’m the right man for her. She looks like a woman that likes to travel a lot. I’m a man that loves to carry luggage. We would practically be a dream team.
The best part about being in the presence of a person like Marissa is that it’s impossible to run out of nice things to say about her. I’m willing to bet she’s a better sight to stare at than seeing the Eiffel Tower at night. There really is no comparison when it comes to the Marissa’s absolutely flawless architecture. Sacre bleu, mon dieu, and every French exclamation of excitement would have to be held back after seeing such a perfect sculpture up close. France may have just won the World Cup, but the real winner is the lucky man arm in arm with Jade on a romantic Parisian night.
Photo Credit: Splash News
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